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At its core, the idea was simple, really. Simon’s first experience with sex had been a deeply traumatic one. It was forced on him by a group of brutish, greedy men who took what they wanted from him without any regard for his dignity. There was no consent, he had zero say in what happened to him, and it was humiliating in a way that marked him for years to come. For more than a decade, he’d longed for a do over, to rewrite the wrongs that had been inflicted against him. To experience what a first time should be like with someone he loved and who loved him. When he and Grace became romantically involved, and then physically, in a way, he got his wish. For the first time in his life, he felt safe, secure and in control enough to truly let his guard down. Sex was no longer solely a painful memory, it became a comfort, a joy, a place where he could express himself without fear. Despite adoring this newly found exchange between the two of them, Simon still yearned to change his past, if not in actuality, then at least within his own mind. After months of working up the courage to be more vulnerable than he’d ever been in his life, Simon finally explained what he wanted he and Grace to attempt, to act out a scene in which he knew nothing about intimacy of any kind, and for Grace to guide and comfort him through his first encounter with it.
Though in secret the premise immediately turned him on, Grace hesitated initially, afraid of taking advantage of someone in such a vulnerable position, even if it was only imagined. This coupled with his deeply rooted fear of eroticising Simon’s trauma made it an even harder idea to sell. It took some serious convincing, weeks of Simon promising Grace that he was asking for this, that he wanted it, and promising Grace that enjoying himself in the process and taking advantage were far from being the same things. The rationale that finally persuaded Grace was when Simon explained it further, promising him that no one made him feel more protected, and that having someone safe to comfort and guide him into the world of intimacy would help him process the original trauma. Grace’s heart had fluttered pleasantly at the label, more than glad to be a safe place for his favorite person. Cautiously hoping that it might help to heal some of the jagged scars that had been carved into Simon’s heart by his past, Grace eventually came around.
They’d planned out as much as they could in advance, agreeing that the young adult character Simon would play would have no knowledge of or experience with sex, masturbation, or even the proper names for his own anatomy, as this had truly been the case when he was attacked thanks to Eden’s fear mongering tactics. It hurt Grace’s heart to imagine it, Simon so woefully uneducated by the cult he was raised in and being violated so horribly, not even having a name for the crime being committed against him when it happened. They’d also agreed that Grace’s role would be one that he was familiar with, a version of himself who would also be a teacher, a guide to explain any and every question Simon might have without judgement or criticism, something that Grace felt confident he could live up to.
After discussing the scene at length for several weeks, making sure both of them felt adequately prepared, tonight was the night. The two men stood face to face in their bedroom, the golden light of the Eridian sunset glowing through the windows, eyes locked as they leaned in to share what they were pretending was their very first kiss. Simon’s brows knitted, stuttering in unsteady breaths as he got lost in the novel sensation, unable to stifle the whimper that snuck past his lips. He froze, blushing crimson as he pulled away, ashamed of the sound just like he would have been when he was younger. He mumbled out, embarrassed and fearful of being punished, be it in this life or the next.
“Sorry.”
Seeing Simon’s unsettled expression, Grace gently took the side of his face in his hand, immediately reassuring as he settled into his role.
“It’s okay. It’s normal to make little noises when you’re doing something that feels good.”
Simon squirmed as he blushed even harder at that, at the acknowledgement that what they’d just been doing was pleasurable to him, a concept that had been cast in a deeply sinful light for as long as he could remember. Struggling to push past it as he subconsciously leaned into the comforting warmth of Grace’s hand, Simon was at war with himself. He desperately wanted more of what they’d just been doing, the closeness and the intimacy of it, but he was terrified of the consequences that could arise. Being judged and humiliated were at the forefront of his mind at the moment. Feeling defeated, he mumbled out.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”
Grace cocked his head, asking with genuine curiosity as he brushed Simon’s cheek fondly.
“Why not?”
Simon shifted nervously. It was obvious, wasn’t it? Things like kissing and touching outside of marriage were already sinful enough, but between two men? They were practically begging to be made an example of. Struggling to put these thoughts into words, he kept things brief as he took a step back.
“It’s- it’s just wrong.”
Grace took a step closer, though he didn’t completely close the distance between them, giving Simon some space as the younger man’s pulse ticked hard in his throat. Grace asked sincerely.
“Are we hurting anyone?”
Simon was caught off guard by this, answering after a beat.
“N- no, but-“
Grace cut him off gently.
“Do you not want to? If I had to guess, I would have thought sure that you were enjoying that at least as much as I was…”
Grace added with a devious smirk that made Simon’s heart flutter pleasantly in his chest.
“And believe me, I was…”
Simon’s face felt hot as he stuttered and stammered, flustered as he tried to make his point.
“I- I didn’t say that, but I- I-“
Grace looked down at him with nothing but kindness in his eyes, explaining patiently.
“If you don’t want this, that’s perfectly okay, we’ll stop, and that’ll be the end of it. Simple as that.”
Simon couldn’t hide the disappointment in his expression, deeply yearning for more and crushed by the prospect of being denied it as Grace continued.
“But if your only hang up is that it’s wrong because it’s sinful, it’s simply not true.”
Simon was stunned, speechless as Grace laid the groundwork for all that was to come.
“The only people that matter when it comes to this are the two of us. If we both want it, and we’re not harming anyone or anything in the process, it’s perfectly okay.”
Simon gasped subtly at this revelation, prompting Grace to add after a thoughtful pause.
“You’re allowed to do things that make you happy, sweetheart. Joy isn’t a sin.”
Simon slowly processed this new information, mulling it over in his mind until it made sense. It took a minute, but eventually Simon peeked up at Grace from under his eyelashes, asking shyly when he worked up the nerve.
“Can we…can we do it again?”
Grace smiled down at him warmly, nodding as he leaned in to press their lips together once more. Now that he’d mostly worked past his mental block, Simon was floored by just how much he was enjoying himself, seeing it through the eyes of his younger self, innocent and inexperienced in the ways of things like this. Grace took the lead, setting the pace as Simon quickly fell in line with it, letting himself be guided by gentle touches. Grace kissed him like it was the single most pleasant thing he’d ever experienced, humming against Simon’s mouth, bordering on a moan, the sound stirring things in Simon that he didn’t have the words to name, or wouldn’t have. Sinking deeper into the head space of his younger self, an unfamiliar feeling began to take hold in Simon’s groin as Grace kissed down his jaw and neck, mouthing at his skin in a way that made Simon feel almost dizzy. Unsure of what exactly was happening to him, Simon murmured against Grace’s hair.
“Something- fuck- something’s happening.”
Grace pulled back to search Simon’s features, seeing the pink in his cheeks and the labored nature of his breaths, quickly understanding as he asked knowingly.
“Happening where, baby?”
The pet name made Simon groan, the feeling in his groin growing in intensity as his eyes dropped to the bulge in his pants, asking concernedly.
“What- what’s wrong with me?”
Grace was struck by the genuine fear in Simon’s eyes, wondering if he’d been this legitimately frightened the first time he experienced an erection, shuddering to think of it happening during the attack. Quickly shifting his attention back to the present, Grace explained gently.
“Nothing sweetheart, it’s not anything bad, it’s called an erection. It happens when you do something that makes you feel excited.”
Simon hovered his hand over the bulge like he was afraid to touch it, hand trembling as Grace explained further.
“It’s your body’s way of preparing you to make love.”
Simon sunk deeper into his character, fired up and honestly unsure of what to do about it. He looked up at Grace with wide eyes, familiar with both words but not in this context as he admitted innocently.
“I- I don’t know what that is.”
Grace rested his hands on Simon’s shoulders, explaining as gently as he could.
“It’s okay. When two people love each other like we do, they can bring each other pleasure with their bodies and make each other feel good. It’s called making love, and it’s very special.”
Simon looked dumbfounded, asking after a beat of processing the fresh information, Eden’s obsessive purity culture coming to the forefront of his mind.
“And it’s- it’s okay? It’s not wrong or- or bad?”
Grace shook his head softly, promising him.
“Not at all, sweetheart, it’s a beautiful thing. People do it all the time.”
Simon nodded slowly, his pants tight and uncomfortable as his eyes flitted from his bulge to Grace’s eyes, clearly unsure of how to proceed. Sensing he needed some guidance, Grace asked with a smile.
“Do you want me to show you how?”
Simon gasped softly, his cock twitching at the thought. He nodded slowly, whispering quietly.
“Please.”
Grace kissed him on the cheek for that, proud of him for asking for what he wanted as he spoke confidently.
“Okay.”
Grace laid himself down on the neatly made bed, patting the space next to him as he explained what he was doing.
“It doesn’t always have to be, but a lot of people do this in bed, or somewhere else comfortable, makes things a bit easier.”
Simon nodded as he laid down at Grace’s side, the two men facing each other curled up on their sides. Knowing that this was a critical point for Simon, that he needed it clarified and spelled out to feel safe, Grace explained first and foremost.
“Now, this is very important, Simon.”
Simon gulped adorably, making the corners of Grace’s mouth turn up before he explained.
“Neither of us ever have to do anything we don’t want to when it comes to things like this. If you don’t like something I do to you, it’s very important that you tell me, and I promise I’ll tell you, too. It’s called consent, and it’s the foundation of everything we’ll be doing. Understand?”
Simon nodded, emotional over being willingly given what he didn’t have the words to name in his youth, grateful for Grace’s thoroughness in preparing him. Looking a bit less anxious as he settled in, Simon was ready to begin. Wanting to give him a feel for the whole of the process, Grace started at the beginning.
“Most people start by doing what we just were, kissing and touching, or whatever gets them excited. It’s called foreplay, and it’s like the warm up before we get to the main event.”
Simon nodded, breaths going shallow, eager to continue as Grace scooted in closer, kissing him slow and deep. Simon kissed him back harder, his arm wrapping around Grace’s neck as his breathing picked up, making Grace’s own cock begin to swell in his pants. Another precious little noise escaped Simon’s lips, and Grace praised him lovingly for it, murmuring against his mouth before he could apologize.
“There you go, baby. Let me hear you.”
Simon cried out softly at the praise, not expecting it to affect him as greatly as it did. Letting out more pretty little sounds here and there, Simon got lost in the intoxicating feel of Grace’s lips against his own, wondering if this is what heaven felt like as Grace took Simon’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked it gently. Simon whined, the sound high and needy, kissing Grace back with such enthusiasm that Grace lost his breath in a shaky huff of an exhale. Thrilled by his response, Grace quickly recovered as he taunted him, murmuring as he kissed the corner of his mouth.
“Oh you like it when I do that, don’t you…”
Simon moaned in response, caring less and less about trying to stay quiet as Grace praised him between increasingly heated kisses.
“Sound- so- good. So- so freaking sexy.”
Simon cried out like he was in pain.
“Oh-”
Sensing that he was ready for more, Grace reluctantly pulled back to explain what was next, holding Simon’s face in his hands as he caught his breath for a moment.
“Gosh- you’re doing beautifully, baby. Okay. There are lots of different things we can do that feel good, we’ll just have to try some out and see what you like.”
Simon nodded breathlessly, shifting his hips in an attempt to ease the ache in his pants. Seeing this, Grace explained more.
“Sometimes people help take each other's clothes off, it’s like a gift they give each other, and it’s easier to touch everywhere when there’s nothing in the way.”
Simon waited with bated breath as Grace asked him softly.
“Do you want to?”
Simon nodded eagerly, thrilled when Grace leaned in to help pull his t shirt over his head between heated kisses. Simon helped Grace do the same, though he froze when he realized what the next logical article of clothing to be removed would be. Grace paused, asking for consent.
“Do you want me to help take your pants off?”
Grace paused at the nervous expression on Simon’s face, adding a moment later just to make sure he didn’t feel pressured.
“You’re allowed to say no, baby, it won’t hurt my feelings.”
More eager than anxious, Simon spoke softly.
“I…I want you to.”
He paused, adding after a beat.
“Please.”
Satisfied with this, Grace smiled as he slowly dragged Simon’s sweat pants down, making him gasp when the elastic band slid over his erection, springing it free. Simon looked down at it in awe, mouth agape as Grace moved closer to him, his bare chest pressed in against Simon’s side as he murmured into his hair.
“Look at you…you’re beautiful, baby…”
“Aah-“
Simon’s head fell back against the pillow, his length twitching at the praise as Grace leaned down to kiss his forehead, asking when Simon’s gaze returned to his swollen length.
“Do you know what this part of you is called?”
Simon shook his head, eager to learn as Grace filled him in.
“There are lots of different names for it, penis, dick, but I usually call it a cock.”
Simon said the word experimentally, trying it on for size.
“Cock…”
Grace kissed his temple tenderly as he fought to rein himself in, the innocence in Simon’s timid voice threatening to topple his sanity. Actively working to keep both his composure and his voice from wavering, Grace asked.
“Do you want to see mine?”
Simon lit up as he nodded quickly, watching intently as Grace shed his own pants, his erect length slapping against his stomach when freed. Simon was stunned, the sight of Grace’s fully erect cock making his own twitch and jump. His gaze flitted back and forth between the two of them, only inches from each other, prompting Grace to quickly explain what was happening.
“It’s okay, it’s perfectly normal to get excited seeing each other’s private parts. It’s your body getting you ready for what’s next.”
Not sure what Grace meant, Simon asked, voice shaking from the severity of his arousal.
“Wh- what’s next?”
Grace smiled, excited as he walked Simon through it.
“Some variation of us touching and rubbing each other, whatever way you’d like to try. There are lots of things we can do. I could stroke and rub you with my hand…”
Simon gasped as Grace hovered his hand over Simon’s drooling cock, already more turned on than he knew how to process, but Grace kept going.
“…I could kiss and suck it with my mouth…”
Simon cursed as his head fell back against the pillow.
“Shit.”
Grace grinned, thrilled that Simon was enjoying this as he gave another suggestion.
“…we could rub them against each other-“
Simon cried out before pleading.
“Fuck! That. I wanna do that.”
Grace bit his lip in excitement, smiling down at Simon as he instructed him lovingly.
“Turn for me, like this.”
They turned to face each other on their sides, both their faces and cocks only a breath apart as they both stared down at their leaking members. Grace took himself in hand, pressing his hips forward as he opened his grasp just enough to accommodate Simon’s girth, squeezing them together as Simon exclaimed.
“Oh my-“
Simon shuddered from his head all the way to his toes, in awe of the sensation as he felt the heat from Grace’s cock mingling with his own. Grace watched Simon’s face as he squeezed them tighter, floored by both the obscene sound Simon made and the divinely pleasured expression that graced his face. Not wanting to overwhelm him, Grace stilled and asked softly.
“This okay?”
Simon nodded quickly, stuttering out through rapid breaths.
“Feels- feels so good.”
Grace’s breath left him in a huff, overjoyed as he leaned in to kiss Simon’s forehead, speaking softly.
“I’m so glad, baby.”
Simon fought to open his eyes, his lids already heavy with pleasure as Grace began a slow rhythm of strokes, sliding both of their foreskins up and down in tandem, their bulbous heads sliding and rubbing against each other when exposed, both slick with precum. Simon squirmed, his nerves lighting up like fireworks as he took in the brand new sensation, in complete disbelief that he hadn’t known his body was capable of such bliss. He was content with just this for a while, but after a minute or so he craved even more, visibly eager as he squirmed and whimpered. Happy to give him whatever he wanted, Grace asked him gently.
“What do you want to do next? I can keep doing this…”
Grace squeezed them once more, making Simon cry out as his eyes fluttered closed. When he recovered, Grace suggested.
“I could get on top of you and rub them together that way-“
Simon didn’t hesitate, eyes suddenly sharp and clear as day as he begged, wanting to feel even closer to Grace.
“Please. That. I want that.”
Grace smiled genuinely, aroused by the desperation in Simon’s tone as he agreed, pressing a sweet kiss to Simon’s lips.
“Okay.”
Grace paused, taking in Simon’s eager expression as he instructed him tenderly.
“Lay back for me, get comfortable.”
Simon all but scrambled to lay back against the pillows, hastily maneuvering himself into a mostly comfortable position, looking at Grace expectantly once he was there. Grace chuckled at his eagerness, endeared by it as he slowly moved himself into Simon’s space, pressing their swollen cocks together. Simon cried out as Grace settled into him, their hips and chests flush, Grace’s legs resting on the outside of Simon’s, and Grace’s lips against the shell of Simon’s ear as he murmured softly.
“Can I move?”
Simon nodded rapidly, squirming beneath Grace’s weight as he began to move, churning his hips in slow circles that drove Simon mad. He almost yelled.
“Oh my goooood…”
Grace kissed his hair, fisting his hand in it as he tried to commit every precious little sound Simon made to his memory. He was so timidly expressive, clearly attempting to stay quiet at first, but quickly giving up as an unfamiliar tension began to coil inside him, only vaguely aware of its presence initially. Simon grabbed at Grace's hip frantically, trying to pull him closer, to press their hips together harder. Soon he began to meet Grace’s movements, pushing back as he chased the friction, thoroughly enjoying himself. He rose higher and higher, becoming more and more aware of the strange sensation in his gut that felt like a tightening spring, all at once threatening to burst as the pleasure became so blindingly intense that he felt sure he was going to die. Legitimately frightened by it, he yelled suddenly, voice high and desperate.
“Fuck- fuck- Stop! STOP! STOP!”
Grace scrambled off of him, taking in Simon’s fearful expression as he gasped in shuddering breaths, tears brimming in his eyes. He cried, hiccuping unsteady breaths in and out as he covered his eyes with his hand, trying and failing to calm down. Realizing what must have happened and feeling immensely guilty for not having the foresight to warn him about it, Grace laid at his side, opening his arms to him as Simon hid his face in Grace’s chest, stifling sobs. Grace trailed his fingers back and forth against Simon’s back soothingly as he comforted him, wondering if his first orgasm, or his first almost orgasm had truly been this traumatic for him.
“Shhh sweetheart, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m so sorry. I bet that scared you pretty bad, huh.”
Simon nodded, shaken and confused as he blubbered out.
“It was like- like my heart was gonna fucking explode, felt like I was gonna die...”
“Oh honey…”
Grace held him tighter, after a few minutes murmuring against his hair.
“You’ve never felt anything like that before, have you.”
Simon shook his head against Grace’s chest, prompting Grace to ask cautiously.
“What if I told you it was a good thing?”
Simon pulled back to look at Grace quizzically, tear streaks still visible on his cheeks as Grace spoke gently.
“What we were doing was starting to feel really, really good, wasn’t it.”
Simon bit his lower lip as he blushed, nodding reluctantly after a brief moment of deeply programmed shame. Grace smiled, excited to usher Simon into this experience as he spoke again.
“Well believe it or not, it can feel even better than that. No heart explosion included.”
Simon looked stunned, frightened and intrigued all at once, asking shyly.
“How?”
Grace grinned excitedly, murmuring softly.
“If you follow that feeling and keep going with it, something wonderful happens. It’s called an orgasm, and it's just about the best feeling there is.”
Simon was both dumbfounded and so aroused that he shivered, his breath leaving him in a disarmed huff. Grace didn’t miss his cock jumping and twitching at the thought, exhilarated at the possibility of getting to see his very first one as he added with a chuckle.
“And come to think of it, the French do call it le petite mort, which means ‘the little death’ so you honestly weren’t that far off before.”
Grace had hoped for a laugh, but Simon seemed to be too worked up for the joke to land, prompting Grace to quickly move on.
“Okay, now I know it felt a bit scary when you didn’t know what it was, and we don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if it’s okay with you, can I try to give you one?”
Simon opened his mouth, but no words came to him, stuttering as Grace added.
“Remember baby, it’s perfectly okay to say no, this is completely up to you.”
Simon thought on this, asking after a few moments of struggling to speak.
“Can you- can you tell me more about it? Like, what exactly’ll happen if I have one?”
Grace smiled warmly, thrilled to do so as he carded his fingers through Simon’s hair.
“Of course. So you already know what the build up feels like, it feels good, then it feels better and better until eventually…you reach a peak.”
Simon’s lips parted in awe, listening intently as Grace told him more.
“It lasts for a few seconds, and it kind of feels like a wave washing over you. It’s normal to breathe harder and cry out when it happens, it feels so good that you might lose control of your body a little bit, but not in a bad way.”
Simon nodded attentively, thoroughly aroused as Grace continued.
“A white sticky liquid called semen will come out of the tip of your cock, it might make a bit of a mess, but that’s okay.”
Simon looked fit to burst as Grace finished his thought, eager to begin.
“When you start to come down from the peak you’ll feel kind of dizzy and happy, your muscles will relax and your cock will slowly go back to how it normally is. This part is called the afterglow, and it’ll last for a half hour or so. Most people like to cuddle for a bit during this, we can do that if you want to.”
Simon was breathless, fired up as he fidgeted subtly in Grace’s arms, giving away just how anxious he was to begin. Seeing this, Grace asked softly, murmuring lowly to him.
“How do you want it?”
Fuck. Simon tried and failed to stifle a moan at the provocative question, forgetting to be ashamed of it as he stuttered out.
“I- I want- I-“
Giving up on words, Simon found a burst of confidence, scrambling up to kiss Grace like he couldn’t stand not to for another moment. Pleasantly caught off guard by this, Grace groaned into the exchange, exhilarated when Simon asked between heated kisses.
“Need- need you- like before-“
Grace nodded as he pressed Simon down onto his back by the shoulder and maneuvered himself back on top, their hips flush as Simon’s arm clung to the back of Grace’s neck, eyes locked. Grace held himself up with one arm, the other holding the side of Simon’s face, thumb brushing over the teeth protruding from his cheek as he asked confidently.
“Ready?”
Simon nodded quickly, eyes fluttering closed when Grace began to grind at a slow and steady pace. Simon moaned long and low, a deeply guttural sound, his face going slack adorably as Grace murmured sweet, encouraging words.
“There you go sweetheart, doing so well for me.”
Simon whimpered, high and needy, and the sound nearly did Grace in, nearly. Firm in his resolve to focus on Simon and his experience, he watched as the tension in Simon’s gut returned, slowly building inside him as he stammered out.
“God, it’s- it’s so good.”
Grace’s eyes rolled back as he groaned.
“Ugh, I know, baby, I know….”
Simon pulled Grace down by his neck, their lips crashing together as Simon whimpered and cried out sporadically, slowly rising higher.
“Agh…mmm!…Yeah…nnngh! Fuck, Ry.”
The scene melted a bit around the edges, a flash of present day Simon coming through in his tone, in the nick name, but Grace was determined, staying in character as Simon spoke shakily.
“I feel it, it’s- it’s coming- Fuck-“
Grace praised him tenderly, excited for him as he spoke words of encouragement.
“Keep going, baby, you’re almost there, it’s gonna feel so good…“
Simon’s breaths quickened, frantic little inhales that got faster and faster until he could barely speak, eyes rolling back in his head as he pleaded, right on the edge.
“I’m- God- I’m-“
Grace hastily brushed the hair out of Simon’s face as he instructed him lovingly, voice rough and high as he pleaded.
“Let go, baby, you’re right there, just- let it go-“
“Ohmyfuckinggooohooood!!”
Simon wailed, his whole body tensing as the wave of blinding pleasure crested and overwhelmed him, burying his face against Grace's shoulder and clinging to him like his life depended on it. Grace’s breath left him in a short cry as Simon spilled against their stomachs, spurting thick ropes pressed tight between their bodies. As Grace held him through the rush, Simon looked so pure, so innocent as he experienced this special kind of bliss for the very first time. Grace could hear everything in Simon’s voice, his ascent into euphoria, the vast height of his peak, which made his voice crack and break from the strain, and his slow descent into the afterglow, all punctuated by broken cries and anguished sobs, the spectacle deeply pleasurable to both Grace’s eyes and ears. As he came down Simon’s eyes snapped open, panting quickly as he tried to make sense of what he’d just experienced. Overwhelmed, he couldn’t help it when tears began to well in his eyes, confused by them as Grace carefully moved to lay back down in the bed, pulling Simon into his arms. Simon stuttered, struggling to speak.
“I- I’m not sad, I don’t know why- why-“
Grace hushed him as he wrapped Simon in his arms, murmuring against his hair.
“Shhh it’s okay, this isn’t unusual, especially after your very first one. It can all be a little overwhelming.”
Grace held Simon close as he cried softly, carding his fingers through his hair to soothe him. After he’d calmed a bit Grace whispered with pride in his voice.
“You did so well, sweetheart, you sounded so beautiful.”
Simon blushed as he pulled back to look up at Grace, embarrassed, but Grace insisted.
“You did! I could listen to you like that all day and never get tired of it.”
Simon chuckled before getting distracted by the sticky mess against his stomach, feeling some of it between his fingers experimentally. The sight set Grace off, his still hard cock jumping and twitching in a way that he couldn’t hide, prompting Simon to ask when he noticed it.
“Did you…did it happen for you, too?”
Grace momentarily didn’t know how to respond. The honest truth was that he hadn’t, having been too wrapped up in Simon’s experience to chase his own release, but he didn’t want this fragile version of Simon to feel pressured, not while he was still processing such potent elation. Seeing right through his hesitation, Simon called Grace out.
“It didn’t, did it.”
His words technically formed a question, but when spoken they were clearly a statement. Wanting to share in the magic Grace had blessed him with, Simon spoke surely.
“I want to do it for you.”
Grace lost his breath, caught off guard by Simon’s eagerness to reciprocate so soon after his orgasm, touched when he added shyly.
“Can you- can you show me how?”
Grace couldn’t help but to chuckle, endeared by the stubbornness of regular Simon shining through in this version of him. Wanting to make sure he didn’t feel obligated, Grace asked gently.
“Are you sure? This isn’t something you have to do for me if you don’t feel comfortable, baby. I promise that I’m okay just how we are now.”
Simon looked like a kicked puppy, crestfallen as he protested.
“But- I want to. I really want to.”
Realizing he wasn’t going to talk Simon out of this, Grace agreed softly, touched.
“Okay.”
Simon fidgeted excitedly, listening intently as Grace told him what to do.
“Come up here, close to me.”
Simon quickly settled on his side next to Grace, their heads resting on the same pillow as Grace fondly brushed a lock of hair out of Simon’s face and tucked it behind his ear. Grace smiled at him before pressing a tender kiss to his forehead, taking Simon’s hand as he explained what to do.
“It feels best for me when I use my hand, I slide it up and down and squeeze like this.”
After a brief moment of looking quite confused, Simon watched on in wonder as Grace demonstrated, his own hand wrapped around Simon’s as they grasped him and moved together. Grace lost his breath when Simon began to stroke on his own, a short cry escaping his lips as his hand fell away.
“Oh…”
Enthralled by Grace’s reaction, and thrilled that he had been the one to make it happen, Simon asked excitedly.
“Like this?”
Grace hummed in response, nodding as his eyes fluttered closed.
“Just like that, baby, just like that…”
Grace got lost in the gentle pressure of Simon’s closed hand, letting little sounds fall freely from his lips to encourage him, not that he really had to try with how good it felt. Every once in a while Grace opened his eyes, endeared by the excited look on Simon’s face as he continued to pump his cock steadily, asking after a minute or so.
“It feels good?”
Grace nodded dreamily, fighting to keep his eyes open as he bowed his head against Simon’s neck, hips beginning to twitch sporadically as he drew closer. Not wanting Simon to be taken off guard, Grace bid him a gentle warning, murmuring.
“Getting close…”
“Oh-“
The sound Simon made was almost wounded, caught up in Grace’s bliss as he sped up in anticipation of it. Grace cried out when he looked down, shocked to see that Simon was already hard again, his firm cock bobbing gently with each motion of his arm. Rising higher by the second, Grace began to cry out rhythmically, steadily approaching ruin.
“Mm, mgh, God just like that, yeah- huh- fuck, Si…”
Simon cried out, almost yelling.
“Yeah?!”
Grace met his fiery gaze, seeing how worked up Simon was as he pumped harder, faster, pushing Grace past the threshold into bliss as he stuttered out.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come-“
Simon begged.
“Please!”
Grace’s mouth fell open as he came, a high, needy whine heralding his release. With his eyes squeezed shut, he spurted all over Simon’s hand and belly, the younger man watching in awe as he slowed and then stilled, breathing hard as Grace’s body began to relax. When Grace opened his eyes, his head still fuzzy with the rush of endorphins, Simon looked at odds with himself. It was clear that he was giddy with the gift he’d just given Grace, elated even, but his eyes kept flitting to his rehardened cock like he didn’t know what to do with it. Remembering his confused look from earlier, Grace smiled as he prepared to teach Simon another lesson, speaking gently.
“You’re excited again.”
Simon didn’t look away as he nodded, cock jumping in response. Knowing that what he had in mind would thrill him, Grace asked as he wiped himself off with his sweat pants.
“What if I told you that you could do what we just did, but to yourself?”
Simon looked up at him, equal parts shocked and curious as Grace told him more.
“What I was saying before, when I was telling what I liked, that’s what I was talking about.”
Simon’s eyes went wide, immediately nervous as he mumbled quietly, repeating words that had been drilled into his head ever since he was a child.
“It’s- it’s sinful.”
Grace didn’t hesitate as he refuted him.
“It’s natural, sweetheart, there’s nothing sinful about it. Almost everyone will do it at some point in their lives, most do it regularly, and as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else in the process, it’s perfectly okay to do.”
Simon still looked unsure, so Grace added boldly.
“I do it. As a matter of fact, I did it this morning.”
Simon looked stunned, both aroused by the thought of Grace taking his own pleasure and nervous for the prospect of doing it himself. Seeing the uncertainty in Simon’s eyes, Grace asked warmly.
“Do you want me to show you how?”
Simon nodded eagerly, the ache in his groin becoming uncomfortable again as he looked to Grace expectantly. Wanting Simon to feel safe during this, Grace sat with his back to the headboard, spreading his legs wide enough to make room for him, waving him over.
“C’mere, with your back to me.”
Simon quickly did as he was told, his back pressed to Grace’s chest. Grace encouraged him gently, guiding Simon’s ankles to hook over his legs, spreading him wide as his head rested against Grace’s shoulder. Pleased with their positioning, Grace wrapped his arms around Simon’s torso, murmuring into his hair as he instructed him gently.
“Okay, you start the same way we did together, doing whatever gets you excited. You can touch yourself in places that feel good, look at something that turns you on, or even just think about things that get you going.”
Grace watched as Simon processed all of this, closing his eyes to focus. After remembering how good Grace’s lips had felt against it earlier, Simon raised his hand to trail his fingertips over the exposed length of his neck, shivering from the pleasantness of it. He whimpered softly, like he was surprised by the feeling.
“Mm…”
Grace praised him, encouraging him softly as he kissed the other side of his neck.
“Just like that, baby, keep going…”
Simon slid lower, down his chest and over one of his nipples, lingering there when the feeling made him gasp. He circled it until it was hard, pinching, tugging, and finally scratching at it with the blunt edge of his nails when the sensation wasn’t sharp enough for him, making himself moan.
“Ugh-“
Grace cursed under his breath.
“Fuck, Si.”
More worked up than he knew how to handle, Simon begged as his cock pulsed and jumped between his spread legs, desperate for attention.
“Please, I need- I- I-“
Grace guided him, taking him by the wrist and instructing him gently.
“Take it in your hand and squeeze, just like you did to me.”
Simon obliged, head falling back against Grace’s shoulder with a wanton moan as he grasped himself.
“Uuuuuugh…”
Grace kissed him everywhere he could reach, Simon’s neck, his shoulder, behind his ear, encouraging him further when he didn’t immediately move.
“Now, stroke it up and down, or however you like it, it’s all up to you, baby.”
Simon slowly began to move, his core muscles fluttering at the feeling as he found a rhythm, marveling at the sensation.
“Oh fuuuuuuck…”
Grace held him close and kissed his cheek, proud of Simon as he watched him discover what he could give himself. Simon settled into it, brows drawn, occasionally varying his grip or the angle of his wrist, shuddering when he discovered something he enjoyed. After figuring out that catching his thumb on the ridge of his head sent sparks of pleasure shooting up his spine, Simon started to go faster, cursing.
“Fuck, it’s- I- I can’t stop.”
Grace encouraged him, animated as he spoke urgently.
“You don’t have to, baby, keep going.”
After a short time Simon did something that Grace wasn’t nearly prepared for, well and truly shocking him when Simon leaned back and began to fuck himself up into his own hand, thrusting into it as he lifted his hips off the bed. Floored by this, Grace praised him tenderly.
“Fuck, there you go, baby, go on, fuck yourself…”
Simon was so expressive as he worked himself, squirming from the intensity of the pleasure as he whimpered and cried, rising fast. Knowing it would blow his mind, Grace asked urgently against his ear.
“Can I help? Can I touch you?”
Simon nodded with his eyes squeezed shut, begging.
“God, please.”
Grace did what Simon had earlier, taking both nipples in hand and rubbing both of them in circles with the pads of his fingers. Simon yelled, his rhythm faltering for a moment before he regained it harder, faster. Grace pinched and tugged at the sensitive buds until they were firm, worrying them until Simon was breathless and on edge, stammering out.
“Oh my god, it’s- its coming again-“
His voice shook as he quickly added, tone bordering on panicked.
“It’s stronger- fuck, I’m- I-“
Grace encouraged him, crassly instructing Simon for the second time this evening.
“Go on, sweetheart, let go, come for me-“
Grace scratched harshly at Simon’s nipples, knowing it would push him over the edge as Simon screamed, the sound ripping from his chest like an animal's cry.
“Aaaaaaah!!!”
Simon’s whole body clenched as he threw his head back against Grace’s shoulder, shooting against his stomach while his hips shivered and twitched with the rush. It lasted longer than his first, bordering on painful towards the end, making him swiftly let go of himself with a shout as his body collapsed back against Grace’s, completely spent. Grace held him up as he panted exhausted breaths in and out in the aftermath, the older man holding him close as he smoothed the sweaty hair away from his face, murmuring gentle praise against his ear.
“God- you sound so good when you come, baby, did so well, I’m so proud of you…”
Simon’s head lolled to the side, weakly pressing it against Grace’s cheek, needing to feel close to him. With help, Simon unhooked his ankles from over Grace’s shins shakily, legs still trembling from the intense peak. They said nothing for a stretch, both content just basking in each other’s presence, breaths slowly returning to normal. It was Simon who finally spoke first, cursing under his breath.
“Fuck.”
Grace couldn’t contain the giddy laugh that escaped him, sensing through Simon’s tone that the scene had ended, and that he was speaking to present day Simon. Wanting to make sure, Grace asked cautiously.
“You back with me?”
Simon turned gingerly in his arms, both of his legs resting over one of Grace’s as he leaned up to kiss him softly before smiling against his mouth, murmuring.
“Right here.”
Grace smiled as he kissed him back, immediately curious about Simon’s experience as he fired off multiple questions, in an anxious spiral by the end.
“Was it okay? Did it help? I felt so bad when you cried, I’m so sorry baby, but I kind of figured you needed to go through in order to process it, if that makes sense? I hope I didn’t come across as condescending when I was explaining everything. I know we agreed that you’d be a young adult for this, I’m so sorry if you felt like I was talking to you like a child, that wasn’t what I was aiming for but I think it kind of came across that way sometimes, and Christ, I forgot to warn you about the orgasm, and then I-“
Simon spoke softly, brushing his thumb over Grace’s lower lip to silence him, stopping his cascade into self deprecation.
“Baby.”
Grace paused mid word, mouth humorously agape as Simon reassured him, struggling to find the right words.
“I don’t- I don’t know how to describe the- the gift you’ve just given me.”
Grace listened intently as he took Simon’s hand in his own, giving him time to say what he needed to.
“The way it happened…”
Simon paused, eyes going distant as he clarified.
“…the way it actually happened has lived in my head for so long. It’s like it’s burned into my brain. I haven’t ever been able to get away from it.”
He looked to Grace with love in his eyes, explaining softly.
“It’s not gone, but when you were holding me and walking me through it all…it’s like- like I went somewhere that the bad things couldn’t follow.”
He paused again, emotional as he confessed.
“I was safe. I- I still am.”
“Oh, Si…”
Grace wrapped Simon in his arms, mess be damned as he held him close, overjoyed that this endeavor had been successful. He held the back of Simon’s head in his hand, fingers massaging his scalp as Simon’s breathing went unsteady, fighting tears. Grace comforted him gently, murmuring against his hair.
“Don’t try to hold it in, just let it out, baby, it’s okay…”
Simon hid his face in Grace’s neck as he cried softly, feeling more protected, more safe and secure than he ever had in his life, mumbling through hiccuping breaths.
“I- I love you. So much, Ry…”
Grace answered with a soft, lingering kiss to Simon’s forehead, promising him in his next breath.
“And I love you, Si. Always.”
Simon looked up at him through bleary eyes, suddenly giggling when he noticed and remembered the sticky aftermath that the two of them were presently covered in, commenting amusedly.
“We made a mess.”
Grace huffed a laugh through his nose, agreeing as he gently wiped a stray tear away from Simon’s cheek with his thumb.
“That’s an understatement.”
Simon laughed, his eyes crinkling at their corners in the way that Grace adored, who asked the younger man softly.
“Shower?”
Simon nodded dreamily, head still a bit in the clouds as Grace helped him to his feet, steadying him when he swayed where he stood. Grace stood tall in front of Simon as he held him by the waist, promising him.
“I’ve got you.”
Simon looked up at him reverently, like the man before him was the sun itself as he murmured, content.
“I know.”