Work Text:
Ben slowly booted back up. He was warm, and surprisingly rested. It was the first time in… It was the first time since he got back that he felt like he truly slept.
He didn't remember much about last night. After the mission and the medical check, he surely passed out in his bed. Everything was blurry, but he wasn't worried. He just felt nice for once. He sighed and snuggled against the solid warmth under him.
The warmth hummed and shifted. Immediate dread seeped into Ben as he jerked back to see Cody blink slowly.
"… Good morning, sir."
Right. Cody came last night to check on him. And Ben had broken down in his arms.
"Good morning commander."
Cody sat up against the wall, slowly, and Ben found himself missing the comfort of the man's arms around him. It has always been easy for him to forget how touch starved he was, even before the facility, even before he was even a Padawan. It's not like androids are expected to have a normal childhood, and soon to be Jedi androids even less. Physical affection wasn't something he's been given a lot.
In the corner of his vision, he could see static condense in a shadowy figure. Of course it would be back now, he could never have a moment of peace. He sighed and got up on unsteady legs. Cody was immediately by his side, steadying him with his hand resting lightly on his waist. Never pushing, never forcing more contact than what he was sure Ben would want.
That was something the Jedi always loved in the other man, but not today. He wanted to be held tight in those strong arms, until the itchiness under his skin and the glitch in his vision went away. But asking for it made his throat dry up. What would Cody even think of him being clingy and needy ? He was supposed to be strong. If he couldn't prove himself, he might as well shut down forever and let Obi-Wan command everything.
"Would you want some tea, General ?"
Ben nodded slowly. "… Yes, please."
At least he could drink tea. He could eat most things, even if he couldn't taste them and his system just destroyed whatever he ingested. The tea was warm, if anything.
Waste of resources.
True, but even if Ben protested now, the commander would still make him tea. He wasn't sure why the man was doing that for him.
Cody did not leave. Not after receiving a comm from one of his men, not after Obi-Wan knocked on Ben's door for news, not even after Ben started —albeit reluctantly— meditating. He just stayed there, his presence a warm light in the Force, anchoring Ben and keeping the glitches at bay.
When the sun started setting, Ben turned to his commander. "You don't have to stay… Again. You might be needed"
Cody shrugged. "After your rescue, the vode got a week of leave. Unless there's an emergency, we're Coruscant bound."
"… Oh." Ben had nothing to argue against that.
Cody's eyes, oh so painfully kind, watched deep in Ben's very soul. "… Unless you want me to leave, I'll stay."
The Jedi looked away. "I don't know why you'd want to stay. There got to be… Something important."
"I think you're pretty important, General."
Ben's arms tightened around himself. He swallowed hard around the knot forming in his throat. "Yeah, the General you had to rescue yourself. Twice." Because he was too weak to free himself.
Cody hummed. "Well… The only reason you got captured by the traders was because you saved Other General's life."
'Other General'. Like Ben wasn't the new General here, like Obi-Wan wasn't the main one, the stable one, Cody's General, while Ben was just…
Just a burden for Cody, and everyone else.
"You can just call him General." He forced a polite smile. "I'm the odd one of the two."
"I think the both of you are odd enough." Cody leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving Ben. "I don't think you're any less my General than he is."
Liar. Liar liar liar. This was too much. Obi-Wan forced him to be here, that was why he stuck around all day, that was why he checked on them earlier. Ben inhaled shakily and turned away.
"General–"
"I want you to leave." His voice wasn't shaking. Like he wasn't about to fall apart, like nothing was happening in his head. Like the non-human monster he was.
It used to be a dream of him. When he was a youngling, alone at night, he would long for someone to care for him, to see him as someone whole and competent. But the Jedi knew he was not alive, and most of them didn't approve. Qui-Gon knew before anyone else ; he tried his best, surely he did. Ben remembered night the Jedi held him through the nights when the bugs were at their worst.
The bugs. How did he forget them. Times where his full body locked up and screamed in pain. It didn't happen to him since his late teen years, before his components fully adapted to him and his body grew up slower. And he just… Forgot about them.
Did he always have these hallucinations ?
The glitchy figure in his vision tilted its head. No, Ben was sure of it, he never saw it before his capture. But his programming had always been unstable… Was it how his security systems were so easily overpowered back then ?
Behind him, he heard Cody take a few steps toward the door. He'd be alone with the glitches, and his mind, and his memories, and–
"Wait," he blurted out as he whirled around to face Cody. He saw the man's eyes glancing at him, his body beginning to turn to face him. The whole world tilted to the side, and everything went black.