Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

-----

As it turned out, making SOLDIER lost its excitement after the first month.

Sure, there was still a sense of accomplishment—a sense of pride when Cloud put his uniform on each morning. But once he left his quarters and headed out for yet another day of training and drills, the only real way to describe it was monotonous. Necessary, but monotonous.

Maybe that was why it was so noticeable that something was up the minute he left his quarters. The halls were suspiciously empty, and by the time he got to the SOLDIER floor, he could see why. Everyone was there. All the Thirds at least, and most of the Seconds. Even several Firsts, which was incredibly rare. Didn’t these people have better things to be doing than standing around at ShinRa HQ?

“What’s going on?” Cloud asked the first Third he saw.

“Zack Fair’s back from Wutai.”

Cloud inhaled a sharp breath, knowing that name all too well. Zack Fair. The youngest SOLDIER recruit since Sephiroth. The fastest promotion to Second in the history of the program. The only SOLDIER known for his laughter as well as his swordplay.

Zack Fair, the man responsible for him making SOLDIER.

His heart swelled at the memory of their first encounter—at the pep talk Zack had given his squad back when he was in the infantry. They’d never met face to face, but it was a day Cloud would never forget.

“Where is he?” he asked, looking around the room eagerly.

“Not here yet. It shouldn’t be much longer,” the other Third told him, clearly just as excited. “He’s supposed to be coming up the back elevator.”

By the Firsts, who everyone was keeping a respectable distance from.

Honestly, Cloud knew he had no chance at actually speaking with the man anyway. Not with so many other people waiting to welcome him home. But it couldn’t hurt to admire the SOLDIER from afar, surely. He remembered perfectly well the sheer impact of Zack’s presence—it was upbeat and infectious. Enough to give Cloud the motivation he needed to get his shit together and try for SOLDIER one last time.

“Strife,” a familiar sing-song voice called out to him, causing him to frown. “You’re late, dearest.”

Cloud grumbled as the SOLDIERs around him began to disperse, making room for the First who was approaching the blond. “Didn’t we agree you wouldn’t call me that in public?”

“You made the request, and I denied it. That’s how this arrangement works,” his mentor reminded him, quirking a brow like he was daring the blond to argue. He knew better at this point—Genesis was a peculiar man. “Good. Now we’re in agreement, I believe we have some training to do.”

“Is there any way we could wait a bit longer today?”

“Mm, no,” Genesis decided promptly.

“Please?”

It was a blatant attempt to stall, but thankfully it made Genesis curious enough to take the bait. “Are you even aware of what this little gathering is for?”

“Zack Fair’s back from—”

“Yes, the prodigal child has returned. Who was Zack’s mentor?”

“Angeal,” Cloud answered, a bit confused where this was going.

“And who is my student?”

“…I am.”

“Correct. You’ll note that Angeal is in fact waiting by the elevator, yes?” Genesis continued, waiting for Cloud’s nod. “And where am I?”

“Here. With me.”

“Then all is as it should be. Let’s get on with this before I lose my patience.”

“But…Angeal’s your best friend,” Cloud said, glancing over at the elevator. Still closed. “Aren’t you glad Zack’s back too?”

“Glad? Yes. Do I feel the need to stand here with these fools? No,” Genesis responded shortly.

“But—”

“Angeal will be taking him for a debriefing the moment he steps off that elevator.”

“Oh,” Cloud muttered, trailing behind Genesis as they began heading toward the VR room.

“I’ll see Zack before the day is through, no doubt.” That only deflated Cloud’s mood further, which his mentor picked up on right away—as usual. “Why is this so important to you? Surely you don’t know him. He deployed well before you made the program.”

“Um. I just know of him.”

Genesis scoffed. “Precisely why we can’t afford to stand around. I’ll be damned if Angeal’s pet outshines mine.”

“…What?”

“Did you think I volunteered to train you on some whim?”

Cloud hesitated a moment before answering honestly, “Yeah.”

“It’s like you’ve learned nothing from me,” Genesis declared, tsking as he shook his head. “I don’t do anything without a reason. You’ll do well to remember that.”

There was a loud round of applause and cheering before Cloud could get in any kind of response, drawing his attention immediately. He spun around where he stood, ignoring dramatic sigh that escaped his mentor’s lips.

Zack must’ve arrived. “Can I just—”

“You have one minute,” Genesis warned him, waving a dismissive hand.

And, yeah. That man would definitely be timing him, so he took off without delay to get back to the room they’d just left. The large crowd had circled in already, and there was no way to get in the middle of that if he wanted to be back to his mentor in time.

Except he didn’t have to force his way in. Genesis had been right—all he had to do was spot Angeal’s large figure, and sure enough, there was a familiar face nearby. Familiar, but oh so different…

The black spikes he recognized were long now—so long, and only a single one framed his face. He looked older somehow, maybe because his face wasn’t lit up the way it had been in Cloud’s memory. There was no smile on his face, and no humor in his eyes.

Zack Fair was exhausted after a long deployment, and all the SOLDIERs who had gathered to see him—the ones who were blocking his way as Angeal tried to get him out of there? They were being incredibly rude and inconsiderate.

Maybe they really were all fools.

-----

When Angeal handed him the uniform, he thought it was a joke.

First Class. That was a big deal—the last major step on his way to fulfilling his dreams. Being a hero. He’d always imagined jumping up and hugging his mentor for recommending him for the promotion. Thanking him profusely, and promising not to let him down.

He never expected this.

“I lost friends over there,” Zack said, staring blankly at the uniform in his hands. “SOLDIERs. Good people who deserved this more than me.”

“Zack—”

“I don’t even know what the body count was for the troopers. Do you?”

“I don’t,” Angeal responded, brows furrowed. “All I know is it was the lowest it’s been since the war started.”

“We should find out what it was. Do something for the families.”

“The infantry keeps track of that. They contact the families—there’s a protocol to follow.”

“I don’t wanna hear about protocol right now, Ang,” Zack spat out in a tone he never used. “What was it even for? This whole war’s pointless!”

“I understand what you’re going through, but you need to take a breath. You’re not thinking clearly right now.”

“Yes I am! Why’s it ShinRa’s job to police the whole damn Planet? If they don’t want us there, we should just leave instead of sending more people to die.”

“What happened over there?” Angeal wondered, a gentle hand on Zack’s shoulder. “This isn’t the first time you’ve lost SOLDIERs, and you’ve never lost sight of the bigger picture.”

“A lot of the same,” Zack shrugged.

“It does take its toll after a while.”

“It’s more than that,” he admitted after a moment, dropping his gaze.

The losses were always hard, but he’d long since learned to compartmentalize—to honor the fallen by completing the mission. By saving as many others as he could. By living his own life to his fullest.

It just so happened, his own life had been thrown out of whack while he was there.

Zack could see Angeal wasn’t going to push this time, so he just said it, “I got a Dear John letter while I was there.”

“No,” Angeal murmured, brows furrowed in disbelief. “Chris?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Angeal told him, sincere as always.

“I got it right after Darryl and Evan…” Zack shook his head, not wanting to remember what had happened to his fellow SOLDIERs. “I guess he met someone. Someone who can be there all the time, you know?”

“That doesn’t make it okay. You two talked about this long before you got serious.”

“He just got sick of it. After last time, I guess he thought it’d be at least a year before my next round,” Zack explained solemnly. “I called him the first chance I got, and he said all this stuff about how the war was pointless, and how we shouldn’t be over there in the first place…”

Angeal growled in frustration. “He shouldn’t have unloaded that on you while you were still there.”

“Is he right, Ang?” Zack asked, looking to his mentor helplessly. “I mean, so many people around here don’t think we should be there.”

“It’s not a black and white issue. Their government requested our help.”

“In exchange for authorizing us to build more reactors.”

“Yes, but this is about much more than that. The country was tearing itself apart before we arrived.”

“What if we’re on the wrong side? Just because their government asked doesn’t mean the rebels are wrong. Maybe it’s not our war to fight.”

“Zack…I can’t answer those questions for you. Let me ask you this,” Angeal started, thinking a moment before continuing, “When you were there, did you feel like you were helping people? Forget the government, and forget the reactors—I mean the actual people. Civilians.”

“Well, yeah. They were always getting caught in the crossfire. The rebels used them like shields half the time. We rescued groups every day.”

“And if you hadn’t been there, would some of those people have died?”

Zack frowned, remembering exactly how shorthanded the local army was. They never would’ve had the manpower to run rescue ops on top of holding their positions. “Most of them.”

“Did you or your SOLDIERs ever attack anyone who meant you no harm?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then you did everything you could. You helped people who couldn’t help themselves, and you only joined the fight when it was necessary.”

“Ang…” Zack shook his head slowly. “There’s so much more to it than that.”

“There is, but you can’t think about those things. The politics? They’re out of our control. The best we can do is control ourselves,” Angeal said insistently. “I can’t tell you if the war is right or wrong, but I can tell you innocent people are alive today because you were there to protect them. There’s no way to look at that negatively.”

Zack processed that slowly, eventually conceding a nod. “You’re right. I can’t regret that—saving those people. I’m glad I was there to do it.”

“Good. Your friends didn’t die for nothing, Zack. You were all doing your best to help.”

“And this?” Zack asked, lifting the folded up uniform. “Why do I get this? I didn’t do anything special this time.”

“Yes, you did. We got reports in every day. You went above and beyond,” Angeal told him, smiling fondly. “Operation White Rose? Only a First Class SOLDIER could pull that off.”

Zack snorted, remembering that particular op too well. White Rose. More like operation bratty princess. It had been another rescue mission, except for once the target didn’t want to be rescued. All the more reason to question whether or not the war was the right thing—even the local princess didn’t want ShinRa there. Granted, she was just a child, so she might not have been privy to all the details of the war…

Still. It had been eye opening few days getting her back to her father. “She was an interesting kid.”

“I read your report,” his mentor responded, chuckling softly. “It doesn’t really matter if she wanted to be saved or not. The rebels used civilians as human shields—they would’ve used her as a pawn eventually.”

“Yeah, but she didn’t wanna hear that.”

“That just makes the op more impressive. You didn’t even have to put her to sleep. That would’ve been the first move most of us made.”

“She’s a kid, Ang. I wasn’t gonna cast spells on her unless I had to.”

“You earned this,” Angeal told him, gesturing toward the uniform. “You’re getting some time off, too.”

“Time off?”

“Just a week—two if you want.”

“Nah. I’d rather get right back to it. Less time to sit around and think about…you know.”

Angeal nodded in understanding. “Lazard already has your next assignment.”

“My first as a First,” he joked, shaking his head as it really began to sink in. He was a First Class SOLDIER now. “Better be something good, huh?”

“I think it is. You may not agree.”

Zack raised both brows. “What? Am I going back to Wutai or something?”

“No, definitely not. You’ll be here in Midgar for at least six months—probably longer this time.”

“What is it then?”

“A training post,” Angeal answered, his words wiping the hopeful expression from Zack’s face. “You’re the best recruit SOLDIER’s seen in years. Lazard thinks you have a lot to offer the new recruits now that you’ve hit the top.”

“Ang! That’s just as bad as a desk job!” Zack exclaimed, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

“You’re excellent with people. You’ve always been able to inspire and—”

“That’s right before missions! I don’t mind doing things like that.”

“Think of it as a temporary assignment. It won’t be forever.”

“You think I need this,” Zack realized, staring at the larger man in disbelief. “What, was the promotion just to soften the blow?”

“No, Zack. You earned that promotion,” Angeal repeated, far more insistently. “I do think you need this assignment though. You’re not yourself right now, and nearly every other SOLDIER over there mentioned that in their reports. You’ve been through a lot, and we’ve asked more of you than most. I’m sure you’ll be back in the field in no time.”

It was like a sick joke. He was finally going to be in the city for an extended stay now that it was probably too late to salvage his relationship. “Midgar is the last place I wanna be right now.”

“This is where you need to be,” Angeal countered with a sense of finality.

Zack slumped where he sat, defeated. There was clearly no arguing here—no talking his way out of this. The best he could do was put on his old, happy face and hope they’d see he was fit for missions sooner rather than later.

“I think I’ll take those two weeks,” he decided slowly.

Something told him he’d need the time to clear his head if he really wanted to act like things were fine.

-----

The life of a SOLDIER. Cloud was old enough to put his life on the line, but not old enough to buy himself a drink within city limits. Drinking laws varied from place to place, Midgar being one of the few with 21 as the legal drinking age instead of 18 like back in Nibelheim.

It was mildly inconvenient considering most SOLDIERs spent a good chunk of their free time frequenting bars. Why, he wasn’t quite sure—it wasn’t like it was an easy thing for a SOLDIER to get drunk. Apparently it was fun to try, though he suspected he wouldn’t really understand that for a couple more years.

Tifa smiled indulgently as he sipped his soda irritably. “Why even come along if it bothers you so much?”

“You work here,” he answered with a shrug. “I get to see you, and it shuts them up.”

“About what?”

“When I turn them down, they say shit about how I think I’m too good for them,” Cloud explained dismally. “Because I train one on one with Genesis. Most recruits have to take group classes.”

“So this is all for appearances,” she concluded, shaking her head slowly. “You’re not even with them. You come here every week and you sit at the bar alone.”

“I hang out sometimes. Some of the other bars have pool tables and stuff,” he said, not mentioning he only really joined in when they needed an extra player. “I really don’t mind. They talk about a lot of shit I don’t care about anyway, so I’d rather be up here.”

“Like what?”

“Mostly about getting laid. I mean, I like sex as much as the next person, but I don’t see the point in talking about it all the time,” Cloud explained, put off by the thought. “They talk about it like it’s a contest or something. It’s stupid.”

“I don’t see why you bother with them then. There must be other SOLDIERs you’d get along with,” she rationalized, and maybe she had a point. Cloud just hadn’t really met any since he spent most of his time with Genesis. “What about your old infantry buddies?”

“They don’t really want me around anymore. Ever since I made SOLDIER they treat me like some kinda superior officer.”

She quirked a brow. “Aren’t you?”

“Technically, but I’m not there on my free time to keep them in line. It’s like they can’t relax when I’m around now, so I kinda just…took a hint, I guess. They don’t exactly call and invite me out anymore.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” Tifa told him with a kind smile. “I just wish you had a better support system. Genesis doesn’t sound like much of a friend.”

“He’s…complicated,” Cloud replied, almost fondly. That man was so up and down, it was hard to know what to make of him sometimes. “I’m kind of a game to him, but he really does want me to succeed.”

“Because it looks good for him.”

“Because his best friend trained Zack Fair, and he decided he could do better. I swear, sometimes I think he’s a genius, but other times? He’s insane. I’ll never be better than Zack.”

“Is Zack the one—”

“Yeah,” Cloud interjected with a smile. “He just got back from Wutai a few days ago, but I haven’t had the chance to meet him. I guess he’s on leave for a couple weeks.”

“Bring him around sometime,” Tifa told him, waving a warning finger like it wasn’t a request. “I’d love to meet the man who helped you without knowing.”

“It’s not like he’s my friend. I can’t just go up and invite him to hang out.”

“Why not? You made it sound like he’s a friendly guy. Make it a group thing,” she suggested, as if it was so simple. “I’m serious. You never would’ve contacted me if you hadn’t made SOLDIER. I owe him a thank you just as much as you do.”

Cloud grimaced, remembering that all too well. He’d been ashamed of himself for so long after leaving Nibelheim and failing to make the cut for SOLDIER. It became too difficult to write his mother, and too embarrassing to reach out to Tifa. They’d been so sure of him when he left—confident he’d reach every goal he set for himself. How could he tell them he’d failed?

All that changed after Zack turned things around for him.

“It’d be so weird to just walk up and thank him,” Cloud decided, frowning a little at the thought. “He probably doesn’t even remember.”

“He might. Maybe he won’t remember you specifically, but that’s just because you were in that awful helmet. I’m sure he’d remember the mission at least.”

“I really hope I get to meet him.”

“Don’t wait around for it to happen, Cloud. You’re a SOLDIER now—take some initiative.”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t argue. She was right. It was definitely time for him to be a bit more assertive than he was used to being. Zack Fair though? The man was practically on a pedestal in his mind. How do you just walk up to someone like that?

“I think I’m gonna head out,” Cloud decided, hearing his SOLDIER ‘friends’ from across the room.

They were talking about getting more drinks, and Cloud really didn’t want to be at the bar when they did that. It was always the same. They’d try to get him to drink, and he’d remind them he couldn’t. Then they’d tease him, try to pull him into some pointless conversation, and one of them would probably hit on him by the end of it.

“See you next week,” Tifa said, giving him a small wave as he did the same.

He made it out of the bar before anyone else noticed, much to his relief. The streets were bustling the way they always did by the bars on Friday nights, but it wasn’t like he had much to worry about as a SOLDIER. Most civilians were intimidated by him now, even if he considered himself pretty harmless looking—no one would bother approaching him once they noted the mako gleam in his eyes.

Sure enough, he completed the short walk to the train station in peace, pleased to find one boarding just as he arrived. He hurried on, taking a seat in the back corner where he was sure no one would really notice his presence. His eyes were closed for good measure, head leaning back against the compartment’s wall.

The train was on its way a minute later, the standard security checkpoint announcement blaring through the intercom. It was particularly loud now that he’d undergone his mako enhancements.

“Hey, what’re you—”

“Wait a minute!”

Another drawback to his enhancements, or maybe it was a perk in this case. He could hear everyone in the damn train compartment even as they hit the checkpoint and the alert siren came on. His eyes snapped open, surveying the area carefully. Someone on board had obviously tripped the security system, and that wasn’t standard. Whether or not they were nearby, he wasn’t so sure.

“There’s a bomb!”

Panic filled the cabin at the exclamation, and Cloud silently cursed the man dumb enough to shout it out. One of the train’s personnel of all people—didn’t he know better? Everyone had gone from mildly inconvenienced by the security protocol to freaking out, pushing toward the compartment’s doors which were all locked by that point.

“You! You’re a SOLDIER! Do something,” a woman demanded, eyes filled with worry.

The crowd was pushing against the locked door in a vain attempt to force it open, only a few people turning their heads to see what the woman was talking about. It was amazing how quickly people could go from intimidated to expectant when SOLDIERs were around during a crisis. They were all quick to chime in, pleading with Cloud to help.

And, fuck. He wanted to, he really did. A bomb though? What did he know about disarming a bomb?

“What’s going on?” he asked, letting himself be dragged over to the train’s personnel.

“There was a man before we hit the checkpoint. He jumped off before the doors locked, but he left this,” the man explained, gesturing toward an open bag.

Cloud could see it clearly—some type of homemade explosive, and a timer running down rapidly. Shit. Who knew how much damage it would cause? Even if he could break through one of the train doors, there was no saying whether or not the passengers would be safe. The yelling was already getting louder, and the air tenser.

His own heart rate was accelerating, but he tried his best to appear calm in the hopes the man in front of him would stay that way as well. “What’s your protocol?”

“The doors stay locked until we hit the next stop, then they do a sweep of each cabin. Even if I call ahead, it’ll go off before we get there! You have to do something now!”

“I don’t…” know what to do. Not that he could say that with so many people around.

He could bust a door open to evacuate the cabin, try to minimize casualties. Maybe he could jump off with the bomb himself, run it as far away as he could. Who knew what kind of infrastructure could be hit though? That could make things worse if he took out the wrong support beam.

“There’s usually a safeguard—a wire to cut that’ll deactivate it,” the man said, his tone growing more and more urgent. “I don’t know which one.”

And the wrong one would be just as likely to set it off. Shit. Why the fuck hadn’t he just stayed at the bar? Dozens of people were screaming, looking to him like he was there only hope. Like because he was a SOLDIER, he was supposed to know what to do. Didn’t they get he was freaking out too?

“Okay, everyone stay calm!” Cloud shouted out, bringing a tense silence to the cabin. “We’re going to be okay, don’t panic. I’m going to deal with this, then I’ll make sure we all get out of here.”

“How?”

“What’re you going to do?”

“I need to concentrate!” he said as calmly as possible. “Please, just…be quiet for a minute.”

His false confidence seemed to be working wonders on the crowd, though it was doing very little for his own racing heart. He was sure he must be shaking. What the hell was he supposed to do? He was a SOLDIER, not a one man bomb squad. He didn’t have his sword—he didn’t have anything on him other than a few gil and a tricky materia he’d been using to practice.

All the bad ideas he’d already had ran through his mind again. Take the bomb and run. Bust the door and evacuate the cabin. Cut a random wire and hope for the best. A mix of each of those ideas.

Shit. He was running out of time.

The panic was rising in the crowd again as the train personnel backed away from the bomb, clearly trying to create some distance from himself and the impending explosion. What would Genesis tell him to do in a situation like this?

When all else fails, cast a spell that will buy you some time.

Maybe… Cloud shoved his hand in his pocket, fingers curling instinctively around the materia inside. There really wasn’t any time left to second guess himself. He pulled it out, feeling the familiar pull of it a deep breath later—the mako inside himself resonating with the mako-made materia in hand. Yeah, he could definitely do this. It wasn’t ideal, but it was his best bet. Probably.

A bitter cold settled over him as he called upon the connection he felt to the materia, draining his energy far more rapidly than a typical spell would. It was a cast he’d only managed a few times, and one that he found particularly exhausting.

Shiva.

There were gasps and exclamations as the summon appeared by his side, but he didn’t have time to turn around and reassure anyone anymore. His entire focus was on the bomb in front of him, and on containing his summon’s cast strictly to the device.

“Oh my gods! He’s—”

“Is that a summon?”

“What’s it doing?”

“She’s freezing the—”

It was all background noise, his mana draining more and more by the second as Shiva’s Diamond Dust cast worked its way around the device. He could kick himself for not bringing an ether—hadn’t Genesis warned him to always keep one handy while he was still working on his stamina?

“Did it work?”

Cloud snapped out of his trance, releasing the summon from his pull after sending more than a few mental thank you’s her way—after all, if he intended to be able to summon Shiva again, it was important the summon knew he was worth her time.

“The timer stopped,” someone declared, looking at the massive ice-encased device in awe.

The cheering that erupted in the cabin had him breathing a sigh of relief, but he knew his work wasn’t quite done. He eyed the device himself, confirming his plan had worked at least temporarily. That meant it was time to get everyone out of this cabin, just in case.

-----

“So, let me get this straight,” Zack began, shaking his head in confusion. “Some Third Class trainee used a summon instead of just cutting a damn wire, and he’s getting promoted for it?”

“Yes,” Angeal responded shortly.

Zack barked out a laugh. “What happened to this place while I was gone? Last I checked, we’re supposed to be reprimanded when we screw up, not rewarded.”

“He saved hundreds of lives on that train. More than that if it’d gone off where it was supposed to,” the elder SOLDIER reasoned, though he was chuckling softly himself. “It sounds like Genesis just hasn’t gotten around to teaching him the basics yet.”

“Gen?” Zack repeated, arching a brow. “What’s he have to do with this kid?”

“Cloud is Genesis’ personal student.”

And now it made a lot more sense. Leave it to Genesis to find a recruit with a flair for drama. Who else would make such a production over a simple task? Between being able to hear the inner workings of a bomb, and being able to feel the vibrations in the wiring, any SOLDIER would’ve been able to deactivate any bomb in less than a minute.

“Unreal,” Zack muttered, running a hand through his hair. “And why do I have to go to his promotion ceremony?”

“We all do. It’s a televised broadcast, and Lazard wants all available Firsts present.”

“Televised?” Hadn’t he just been promoted to First? All he’d gotten was a pat on the back and a shitty assignment for it. “Seriously?”

“There were dozens of witnesses. Word got around quickly,” Angeal explained with a shrug.

“So it’s a publicity thing,” he realized with distaste. “No one cares that he screwed up because it looks good on SOLDIER either way.”

“He’s a good kid, Zack. He did his best in a tough situation.”

“He’s a trainee. Has he even been on any missions yet?”

“No, and he won’t be for a few more weeks. Second Class promotion doesn’t change the fact he hasn’t met his training hours.”

Zack laughed again. Unbelievable. It wasn’t so long ago when people were saying he got promoted too quickly, and that was after a dozen missions and his first short tour in Wutai. This kid hadn’t even gone out once, and he was suddenly Second Class material?

“You should give him a break,” Angeal said, catching Zack’s eyes. “Everyone else is going to be on his case about this. You of all people know what that’s like.”

“Yeah, except I could justify my promotion. He just put on a show and got lucky it caught some attention.”

“He’s a trainee who managed to call a summon without any assistance or potions. Could you do that back then?”

Zack frowned. Actually, he couldn’t call any summons until he’d been a Second Class for a while, and even then it took quite a bit of practice. “Materia was never my thing. I’m more of a sword guy.”

“That doesn’t make what he did any less impressive if you really think about it. Cloud has a lot of potential.”

“Guess it’s not his fault he’s stuck with Gen,” Zack relented. “Makes sense he’d skip the basics and go right to summons.”

“I already spoke with Genesis about it. They’ll be spending the next week covering all the essentials.”

“What’s his specialty?”

“Genesis has him dual wielding.”

Good. The last thing he needed was a mini-Genesis running around his training course—a dual wielder would have no need to take it. “Dual swords is kinda rare in SOLDIER.”

“You’ll understand why when you see him. He’s one of our smallest recruits. He has a knack for materia as well.”

Of course he would. Genesis wouldn’t bother with someone who didn’t. A part of him was curious what was so special about this kid to begin with. It wasn’t like Genesis had ever expressed any interest in training anyone before—it was the opposite of that, if anything.

A much bigger part of him just didn’t care. He had enough on his mind lately without wondering about some recruit the way he might’ve a few months ago.

“I’m on leave still,” he realized, arms folded across his chest. “Doesn’t that mean I’m technically not available to go to this thing?”

“Technically,” Angeal admitted, brows furrowed. “I thought you’d want to come since it’s Genesis’ student.”

Oh. Zack let out a short sigh as he considered it. There was a time when he and Genesis didn’t get along particularly well—back when the redhead thought he was monopolizing Angeal’s time. Now though, they were pretty good friends. They bickered still, but it was fun rather than nasty. Normally he would’ve been happy to go show some support even if he thought the whole televised promotion thing was a bit much.

The thing was, he was feeling anything but normal.

“I kinda have plans to go see Chris this afternoon,” Zack revealed, glancing down at the floor.

Angeal looked at him knowingly. “Does Chris know about these plans?”

“Um. No, he hasn’t been taking my calls. I thought I’d swing by his place, see if he was home to talk.”

“Zack—”

“Don’t. I already know what you wanna say, and I get it, but this is something I’ve gotta do.”

“Even if he sees you and changes his mind, is that really something you want?”

“I’m here now, Ang. I’m gonna be here a while thanks to you. If I can just remind him how good we are together, I know we can do this.”

“What about when you leave again?”

“We’ll make it work,” Zack insisted.

“And then when you leave again?”

“Ang, please. Just drop it, okay? It’s not like he ended things ‘cause he stopped loving me, it was just a lot for him and I get that. I can fix this if I can just show him I’m willing to put in the effort.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Angeal told him, two firm hands on his shoulders. “You deserve so much more than this.”

“I love him.”

“You know I’ve always liked Chris. He’s a good person,” his mentor said slowly. “This is a hard life, for you and whoever you get involved with. If he can’t handle it, it’ll never work in the long run—even if he’s a good person, and even if you love each other.”

“He can handle it! He did handle it last time,” Zack reminded Angeal, growing annoyed when his former mentor’s stern stare didn’t relent. “I don’t need to defend myself about this. It’s my decision.”

“It is. I just hope you understand what you’re doing. You’ll never get back the trust and security you had. Every time you leave even on a short mission, you’ll be wondering. We can’t afford to have those kinds of distractions in our line of work.”

Zack inhaled a long breath, trying to stay level headed about this. Ever since he’d gotten home, his moods were so up and down—he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore other than to go and seek out the source of his inner turmoil. That was how he’d get back to normal. Angeal just didn’t understand.

He needed to forgive Chris for everything so they could start over.

“I appreciate you trying to help me,” Zack ground out, respecting this man far too much to snap the way he thought he might a moment ago, “but I’ve got this under control. I’m gonna be okay, Ang.”

“I’ll be here for you regardless,” Angeal promised, a kind smile on his face. “Are you sure you don’t want to attend the ceremony? It’s not like Chris is going anywhere. You can go see him tonight, or tomorrow.”

“Nah, I’m not going,” he said decisively. “I wouldn’t be good company right now anyway—everyone was expecting happy Zack when they heard I was coming home.”

It had been awkward, stepping off that elevator and being swarmed by eager Seconds and Thirds. He’d worked with most of the Seconds at some point, and he knew the Thirds had probably heard about the antics he got up to. They were probably expecting him to be a breath of fresh air around an otherwise mundane tower.

Instead they got the shell of that person, too worn down to even force a smile.

“I don’t wanna be around everyone till I get my shit straight,” Zack concluded, hopping to his feet. That meant the sooner he went to go see Chris, the better. “I’ll walk you out.”

They headed out of Zack’s apartment, Angeal in his uniform while Zack donned his civilian clothes. Chris always did like him better in jeans, and he could use all the advantages he could get at this point. He said his farewells to Angeal as the elder SOLDIER got off the elevator a few floors down, his own stop the first floor.

It was Friday, which meant Chris would be off from work already. Unless his schedule had changed…Zack’s heart sank at the thought. Eight months away was a long time. The breakup letter had come four months into his tour, and they hadn’t spoken since month five. Not due to lack of effort either. Zack kept writing letters well after he stopped receiving them, and he used his allotted weekly call on Chris even when the man stopped answering.

Did Chris read those letters? Did he know Zack was finally home? It had all been in the last letter he’d sent, but only SOLDIERs had been there to greet him upon his arrival. Had Chris really moved on, or was he just trying?

It wasn’t possible. The connection they had…it wasn’t so easily replaced.

Zack did his best to smile at the few ShinRa personnel he passed on his way out, glad he didn’t run into any SOLDIERs or staff who were expecting him to act a certain way. He was stressed enough already without the added pressure of being the Zack Fair everyone else remembered.

Other than Angeal and a handful of close friends, Chris was the only one who really got to see the other side of him—the human side. The part of him that got nervous and scared like everyone else. The side of him that wasn’t always upbeat and positive. Not to say that part of him wasn’t real or predominant, it just wasn’t the constant thing so many people had come to believe. Even less so now that he had less to be upbeat about.

You can do this, he told himself, determined to believe it.

He’d given one or two pep talks in his day, and he’d be damned if he couldn’t give himself one as he approached his ex-boyfriend’s apartment building. The nerves were coursing through him already, but it would all be worth it once they talked it out—once they apologized to each other, and got back on the same page.

What he hadn’t counted on was someone else answering the door when he knocked. A man—a handsome man who was his height, but with paler skin and tamer hair. Zack’s stomach twisted with realization…

This was him. The man Chris said he’d met while Zack was gone.

“Can I help you?” he asked, and not unkindly.

“Um, yeah. Is Chris here?” Zack responded, hand on the back of his neck.

“He’s won’t be home for a couple hours. Was he expecting you?”

“Not exactly.”

The man stared at him for a long minute, eyes raking him up and down. “You’re Zack,” he concluded, his voice losing most of its friendliness. All Zack could do was nod. “How many times does he have to tell you he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore before you get it?”

Zack narrowed his eyes. “He hasn’t said that once.”

“No, but he stopped taking your calls. He stopped writing you letters. You and him are over, and you have been for a long time now.” The words hit him harder than any monster ever had, and he found himself torn between lashing out and breaking down. Mystery man seemed to sense the dilemma, raising both hands defensively. “Look, I’m sure you’re a nice guy or he wouldn’t have been with you in the first place. You need to respect his decision.”

Zack just stared at him for a long minute, trying unsuccessfully to accept those words. “I just need to talk to him at least one last time. He owes me that much.”

“He doesn’t owe you anything.”

“You don’t know me. You don’t know about us, or our relationship. You don’t know a damn thing,” Zack said fiercely, balling his fists to keep from doing anything stupid. It wasn’t actually this guy’s fault, even if his instincts were telling him this was where to place blame. “You can either tell him I swung by, or I’ll be back again soon.”

The man shook his head in disbelief. “You really need to back off.”

“If he wants me to back off, all he has to do is tell me that and I will,” Zack said, and it really was that simple. As much as it hurt to think about, he’d do it if that was what Chris really wanted. He just wouldn’t believe it until the words came straight from Chris himself. “He knows how to get ahold of me now that I’m in town.”

“You’re not leaving again anytime soon?”

“My next assignment’s here in Midgar. You’re stuck with me for a while.”

Mystery man let out a quiet sigh before nodding. “I’ll let him know you stopped by, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s done with you.”

-----

Seventeen disarmed test bombs later, Cloud was fed up. Seriously, how was he supposed to know this was actually a part of a SOLDIER’s training? It only took him one or two to get the hang of it, the concept easy to grasp even on the more intricate practice designs.

“How many more?” he asked, looking up at a very bored Genesis.

“Three.”

He let out a quiet sigh before moving onto the next, and then the next.

“I want a demonstration,” Genesis said, stopping him before he could touch the final one.

“I just demonstrated it nineteen times,” Cloud grumbled.

“I’d much rather see you call Shiva in here for this one.”

“Right, so you can sentence me to twenty more of these?”

“As if I’d willingly sit here for a single minute longer than necessary,” Genesis said, rolling his eyes. “This isn’t punishment, by the way. It’s standard training that I chose to postpone in favor of focusing on more interesting areas.”

Cloud leveled his mentor with a look. “You’re telling me I should’ve learned this weeks ago?”

“It wouldn’t have hurt.”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it might’ve helped,” he ventured, more than a little perturbed. “I wouldn’t be the laughing stock of the program.”

“You’re hardly a laughing stock.”

“They’re calling me the golden boy. I’m a joke to them!”

“They’re jealous. You’re the first recruit to ever be promoted so quickly—you even beat Zack’s old record.”

“I didn’t deserve a promotion. I deserved to have time added to my training requirements as punishment,” Cloud said, shaking his head firmly.

That was what they all told him—what would’ve happened to anyone else who was found to be lacking basic skills. He’d just gotten lucky his screw up had impressed so many civilians. ShinRa had to give him a public pat on the back just to appease them after the story hit the papers.

“The only mistake you truly made was leaving the tower with that materia,” Genesis told him, raising a challenging brow. “Trainees aren’t authorized to utilize SOLDIER resources without supervision.”

Cloud frowned apologetically. “I just wanted to practice more.”

“And if you’d frozen your entire residency floor?”

“I would’ve dusted off my ice skates,” Cloud deadpanned, inwardly pleased when his mentor actually laughed. “I can barely get the cast off most days. I don’t think that would’ve happened.”

Genesis held up a familiar materia between two fingers before tossing it to Cloud, giving him a pointed look.

“You’re serious about this?” he asked skeptically.

“Of course. I’ve yet to see you successfully call a summon,” Genesis reminded him, and not due to lack of effort.

They’d practiced on numerous occasions, always with a different materia. Shiva was just the one Cloud had been drawn to, smuggling the materia back to his quarters to practice since she wasn’t Genesis’ preferred summon. He’d only managed a couple times, and had yet to be able to apply the same principle to Ramuh or any of the others.

Genesis continued, “What you did was actually quite impressive. I can’t imagine any other SOLDIER coming up with such an unorthodox solution under the same amount of pressure.”

Cloud shook his head, not so sure of that. “That’s because they would’ve been able to disarm it manually.”

“There’s no rule that states I’m required to run you through bomb training first. I could’ve had you do this the day before your first mission and it would’ve been perfectly acceptable. Forget what everyone else is saying.”

Easier said than done. All the other trainees on his floor were relentless, and the more seasoned SOLDIERs were no better. He couldn’t even blame them—he’d probably be just as disgruntled if the situation were reversed. SOLDIER promotions were serious. Something they all aspired to.

His had been handed to him before he really started the job.

“Focus,” Genesis told him.

So he did. The chill ran through him as he called to Shiva, smiling to himself when he realized she was coming much quicker than before—there was virtually no resistance this time.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” the redhead mused, eyeing the summon carefully after she’d appeared. “I’ve never been particularly attuned with Shiva.”

“You’re more of an Ifrit kind of man?”

“Occasionally. Bahamut is more my style.”

Cloud looked over at him, not sure why he was even surprised. Rumor had it, only two SOLDIERs could call Bahamut—of course Genesis happened to be one of them.

“I don’t know why she’s the only one I can manage,” Cloud admitted, blinking as a wave of wariness hit him.

“We’ll discuss that after,” his mentor responded, tossing him an ether which he downed without question.

He could take a hint. Talking was wasting time, and his mana was only going to keep depleting the longer he kept her out. He guided the cast toward the fake bomb much the way he had that first night, perhaps a bit more efficiently now that he kind of had the hang of it.

Then he released her with as much gratitude as before, relieved he’d managed to succeed once more.

“Brilliant,” Genesis said, sounding more genuine than usual as he looked over the device. “I knew Diamond Dust reached lower temperatures than a Blizzard spell, but this? Even I wouldn’t have expected this.”

“So you’re saying I really did just get lucky.”

“I already told you it was an impressive idea, and I won’t be saying it again,” he chastised, shaking his head as he began casting a low tier fire spell to melt the ice. It wasn’t successful. “Well, isn’t that something…”

“Now I’m gonna be in trouble for breaking the equipment, aren’t I?”

Genesis snorted, upping his spell tier. By the time it looked like a Firaga, it started to do the trick slowly but surely. “You’re my student. They expect the occasional piece of broken equipment from us.”

“Why did you pick me?” Cloud asked curiously. It’d been bugging him since Genesis first brought it up, telling him it wasn’t just some whim. “Everyone says you’ve never had a student before.”

“That’s true. No one ever caught my eye until you.”

“I barely made the program.”

“Yes, and you failed to make it at all twice before that.”

Cloud blinked. “Is that in my file or something?”

“No. I was there,” Genesis admitted, finishing his Firaga cast and leaving a soaking wet device on the practice table. He met Cloud’s curious gaze after that, the hint of a smirk pulling on the edge of his mouth. “I don’t remember everyone who fails to make the cut, but you were impossible to forget. So determined, yet so terrible.”

“Hey!”

“Are you attempting to deny it?”

He opened his mouth to protest, but quickly realized there was no point. “I guess not.”

“Yet you came back, better than before. Still not particularly special, but the change was obvious. I assumed you’d quit after that second fail,” Genesis told him, fixing him with an appraising look. “Imagine my surprise when you popped back up that third time.”

“I didn’t see you there. There’s no way. You’re…you. You’re kinda noticeable.”

“A handful of Firsts are required to oversee the entry exams, but we’re not required to be seen doing so. Angeal was there as well that third time—that was the day I told him you were the one. He had the nerve to laugh at me.”

“I don’t blame him. I still wasn’t very good.”

“No, you weren’t. Angeal hadn’t seen your first two attempts though. He had no idea the vast improvements you’d made, and all without any formal training. Clearly you were a driven young man—all you really needed was someone to take you under their wing to sharpen your skills. Why not me?”

“Because you don’t teach anyone.”

“Yes, well, that was before Angeal started bragging about how Zack would likely return from Wutai as a First. He was quite proud—rightfully so, I’m sure. It was obnoxious.”

Cloud laughed. “So you decided to pick the kid who barely made the program to show him you could do it too?”

“If I’d chosen the best of the best, he would’ve told me I had nothing to do with my student’s success,” he explained, shrugging unapologetically when Cloud frowned. “You, my dear, are something of an underdog. Between your work ethic and my skill set, we’ll surprise them all.”

“Would this be a bad time to mention I signed up for an extra training class?”

Genesis’ stare sharpened. “You what?”

“There’s this class—”

“I’ve provided you with personalized training, and you signed up to work with someone else?” the redhead huffed, arms folded across his chest. “Is my training regime lacking in some way?”

“No, of course not!”

“Is this about the bomb? Because you’re being quite foolish if that’s the case. It’s not as if I should’ve been expecting you to encounter a bomb on a train.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it you need to learn so desperately that you’re seeking outside help?”

“Um. It’s a two handed sword training course.”

Genesis scoffed. “We already agreed you’re better suited with smaller blades. Any other combat training is a waste of time.”

“I know.”

“You know?” he repeated, quirking an interested brow. “This is about your obsession with Zack Fair, isn’t it? You signed up for his course.”

“I’m not obsessed with him, I just—”

“He is the enemy, dearest. Your goal in life is to achieve all the things he has in a much shorter time frame.”

“He’s not the enemy, and that’s not my life goal,” Cloud insisted, rolling his eyes. “And so what if I want to take his course? I already checked, and one of them is evening’s only. It won’t interfere with our training schedule.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” the redhead offered, holding his gaze evenly. “If you tell me where this infatuation stems from, I’ll allow you to take his course without penalty.”

“Penalty?”

“Under normal circumstances, I’d be so offended that I’d stop our training entirely. As it so happens, I have a lot riding on your success, so I won’t be doing that. I will, however, work you harder and longer than necessary if you choose to keep secrets from me.”

“I’m not infatuated with him.”

“Do I need to schedule our run two hours earlier tomorrow?”

“What? No!” Cloud exclaimed, eyes wide. Gaia, he had a hard enough time getting a good night’s sleep already. Waking up earlier would make it impossible. “We start early enough!”

“Then you’d best start explaining yourself.”

He let out a disgruntled sigh. “I went on a mission with him once, back when I was in the infantry. We didn’t meet officially, but—”

“You were touched by a classic Zack Fair motivational speech,” Genesis concluded, quite accurately. All Cloud could do was nod. “I suppose you’re not the first. He does have more than a little charisma, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he agreed easily. “I’d already given up on SOLDIER by then, but what he said…”

“The classics, yes? Dreams and honor.”

“Yeah. How’d you—”

“He gets that nonsense from Angeal,” Genesis responded, sounding much less interested now. “And here I thought you had a crush on him or something. How disappointing.”

“I don’t even know him.”

“Yes, but he is quite handsome, isn’t he?”

“I guess. I don’t really—”

“And there it is!” Genesis interjected far too gleefully. “You’re blushing. A handsome SOLDIER turns your life around—you meet him some time later, eternally grateful. Perhaps the two of you become good friends after that, then inevitably you fall in love, yes?”

“Um—”

“It’s quite whimsical, so I can see the appeal. There’s only one problem with that little fantasy, dearest,” Genesis said, a serious expression settling onto his face. “Zack Fair isn’t the same man he was when he gave you that little speech.”

Cloud eyed his mentor curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, perhaps you should take his training course. I like a good love story as much as the next person, but it’s important to understand reality as well. It’s easy to romanticize our lives as SOLDIERs, but the fact is, this is still the military. What we do is actually quite serious, and it tends to complicate our personal lives.”

“I know that.”

“I hope so. I’ve no doubt the depth of your understanding will improve in time.”

“So…you’re okay with me taking his class?”

“I insist you take it. We’ll adjust our schedule as needed,” Genesis told him simply.

“It starts in a few days.”

“Have you even held a broadsword since our first week?”

Cloud shifted where he sat. “Um. No.”

“You’d best spend all of your free time practicing then. You’re my student, so the expectations will be higher.”

“Plus this stupid promotion,” he muttered, gesturing down at his blue uniform.

“Yes. You’ll have a lot to prove in the eyes of many. Don’t expect Zack to cut you any slack just because he’s a friend of mine. He doesn’t like me that much.”

“Is he in on all this?” Cloud wondered.

“In on what?”

“Does he know you’re calling him the enemy, and that you’re out to break all his records?”

“I’m not sure if Angeal’s mentioned it to him. Zack’s had more pressing matters on his mind since his return.”

“Oh.” Of course he did. He probably didn’t even know Cloud existed. “That makes sense.”

“He’ll find out eventually, and I’m sure he won’t be surprised. I doubt he’ll care either. Anything he’s accomplished was never with the intent of being the best. His goals were always far loftier.”

“What were they?”

Genesis’ smile was uncharacteristically fond. “To be a hero.”

A hero. There were a lot of definitions for that word. What kind of hero did Zack want to be? He already was one as far as Cloud was concerned.

-----

“We broke up, Zack. Why can’t you just accept that?”

The words replayed through his head no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about it, haunting his every step. At first it hurt, but after a few days there wasn’t anything left to feel. Just numbness.

“I’m glad you’re okay, but I can’t do this. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Two years together, and that was what it boiled down to. A handful of regrets and hard feelings—wounds that ran too deep for them to salvage any kind of friendship. Apparently just the sight of him was too much for Chris. The feelings between them…they hadn’t gone away. It was just that Chris had already made up his mind, and refused to budge.

“I love you, but you’re not good for me.”

But the mystery man—Derrick? He was.

“He doesn’t leave for weeks on end. He doesn’t get sent across the Planet for months at a time. He’s here when I need someone—when you’re not around.”

Apparently they’d been friends for quite some time. Derrick had become the shoulder Chris leaned on while Zack was gone, whether it was a short mission, an extended one, or an actual deployment. What happened between them during Zack’s last trip to Wutai was ‘inevitable’, or so Chris told him.

“It hurt so much every time you left…Derrick made me realize it doesn’t need to be that way.”

Whispering words in his ears about how he deserved more than Zack could give. About how the war wasn’t what ShinRa made it out to be. How what Zack was fighting for wasn’t quite so noble. How even the standard monster cleanup missions outside the city weren’t as necessary as ShinRa made them appear in the media.

By the time Derrick made his move, Chris had already decided he was done waiting around.

“The big wigs are keepin’ quiet about it, but I hear it’s some kinda punishment.”

Trainees. They were so new to their enhancements that they tended to forget other SOLDIERs could hear them even when they were trying to be quiet. Zack didn’t let it bother him though—what did they know? The Seconds they were gossiping with were no better, but at least it provided a temporary distraction from his current thoughts.

Word about his course had spread quickly once it had been posted for sign ups, and in true SOLDIER fashion, rumors had spread just as fast. Training posts weren’t technically punishment duty, but it was pretty common for ShinRa to only assign them to SOLDIERs who they didn’t want out in the field. Whether it was because they’d screwed up, or whether it was because they needed a break—the end result was the same.

It seemed like most people assumed he’d finally overreached. On more than one occasion he’d been known to act without orders, making judgment calls rather than waiting for instructions. Technically only Firsts were allowed to do that, but he’d always gotten away with it because it always worked out for the best.

Naturally everyone thought it’d finally bitten him in the ass, and he hadn’t exactly been out and about to tell anyone otherwise. His glum attitude the few times he was seen probably didn’t help his case, but frankly, he just didn’t care. The people who mattered knew the truth, and word of his promotion would be spreading soon enough—when he started stepping out in his new uniform. That’d shut everyone up pretty quickly.

“Seems to’ve taken him down a peg.”

“Good thing we have a new golden boy around here.”

He snorted quietly, unaffected by the small group’s laughter as he walked out of the chow hall. New golden boy. That was a nickname he wouldn’t miss. There were definite draw backs to being a quick learner around SOLDIER, where a good chunk of the people were way too competitive. Everyone wanted to be ‘the best’, so it was easy for people to get disgruntled when someone else got ahead. Disgruntled SOLDIERs tended to be pretty petty, which lead to the kind of rumors and nicknames that didn’t go away until the target was a First—when no one could debate their skill or reputation anymore.

Gaia, he was glad he wouldn’t be dealing with that nonsense much longer. Generally speaking, he tried to be as friendly and chatty as possible, making it a lot harder for people to talk shit about him. But it still happened.

Genesis’ student probably loved it. The nicknames and the attention. It was a good thing too, since he’d be getting plenty of it after such a questionable promotion.

“Hey, Zack.”

Zack wasn’t shocked to find Kunsel approaching, a smile on his friend’s face. “Hey, man.”

“How’s it going?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, not needing to say more. Kunsel already knew. “Ang’s refusing to bring me food, and I’m sick of take out.”

Hence utilizing the SOLDIER cafeteria in the tower. It wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t in the mood to go buy his own groceries and he had to eat once in a while despite his appetite being at an all-time low. If nothing else, he’d need the energy for his training course.

“He’s just trying to get you out of your apartment. You’ve been holed up since you got back.”

“Yeah, well, he coulda waited to cut me off after my leave ended.”

“Class starts tonight?” Kunsel asked, patting him on the back when he confirmed with a nod. “You’re gonna be great.”

“Any idea what kinda SOLDIERs I got stuck with?”

“It’s a good group,” his friend responded—because of course he’d seen the class list already. “Only a few trainees, the rest are already field tested Thirds looking to sharpen up their skills. You even got a Second.”

“A Second?” Zack’s brows shot up. Thirds sharpening up made sense, but a Second was unexpected. “It’s a beginner’s course.”

“I’m not sure why he signed up,” Kunsel admitted slowly. “I was hoping you could tell me after you meet him tonight.”

“Always gotta know everything, huh?”

“People keep asking me about him, but I don’t know what to say.”

Zack frowned. It wasn’t often Kunsel came to him for information. “Do I know him?”

“I doubt it. He may just want to work with you,” Kunsel reasoned, like it was his best guess. “I think everyone who signed up’s pretty excited it’s you, actually.”

“Hope they’re not disappointed,” he muttered, exhaling a long sigh.

They got onto the elevator in silence, Kunsel waiting for the doors to close before asking, “How are you really?”

“I feel like shit,” he admitted, staring at his boots. “Like everything I’ve been working for was a lie.”

“It’s not a lie. I know everything, remember? And I know you’ve helped a lot of people. You do good work around here.”

“You know how many nights I spent thinking about him? How many hard times I got through by telling myself I had to get home for him?”

“Zack—”

“And he was just off with someone else,” Zack continued, pushing through the hurt even as he felt a lump forming in his throat. “I put everything I had into that relationship, and he just…”

“He’s not cut out for this life. You’ll find someone who is.”

“I don’t want to find anyone else.”

“You just need some time, that’s all. It’ll get easier.”

Zack scoffed, not bothering to respond to that. Logically he was sure Kunsel was right—it wasn’t like he was the first person this had ever happened to. The pain would start to fade in time, and he’d start to feel more like himself again. That didn’t mean he had to move on though. He never wanted to feel this way ever again.

Chris was the one. Their relationship had been so perfect—aside from the time apart, there wasn’t a single issue between them. No fighting, no dull moments. Things were good between them, always.

If it didn’t work with him, it would never work with anyone else.

“You can swing by my place later, if you want,” Zack offered, stepping off the elevator once it opened. “I’ll let you know about that Second.”

“I’ll be there,” Kunsel promised, waving before the doors separated them again.

He headed back to his place slowly, a halfhearted smile on his face as a few SOLDIER acquaintances passed him in the hallway. By the time he got back to his place, he hurried to change into his uniform, needing to leave for his course immediately.

It was the first time he’d worn the black First Class uniform, and he didn’t even have time to get a good look in the mirror. Not that he liked what he saw lately anyway. He’d always considered himself a pretty good looking guy, but now? He was tired, run down, and uninterested in seeing the mako gleam in his eyes.

There was a time when he was proud of his mako eyes—a SOLDIER’s trademark. Now they just served as a constant reminder of what he’d lost.