Chapter Text
Seonghyeon has never left his small hometown in his life.
Whenever he was not in school, he would work in the kitchen of his mother’s restaurant and help her in any way possible to lessen her burden. He always tried to be the best son that he could be. Get good grades in school, make responsible friends, enrol in the extracurricular you really despise just so you can get better referrals for college.
Just a few more years, he told himself.
A few more years before he can leave, get that good job, finally give his mother all she deserved.
But the world has cruel ways of reminding you that plans are just plans.
When you’re on the ground, it kicks you down further. Makes sure you really can’t get up.
His mother's cancer diagnosis had come just two years before he finished school. One moment, his biggest worry was his mock exams and college applications. The next, it was whether his mom would manage to get out of bed and open the restaurant that day.
He would dash home from school on his bicycle, feeling the burn in his legs as he pedalled under the hot sun. Preparing food, clean the kitchen, serve customers, and make sure that his mother had a chance to rest.
It never felt like enough.
The cancer spread.
Treatment became more aggressive.
Hospital bills stacked up, higher and higher, until they couldn't be ignored.
All Seonghyeon could do was watch. Observe how this woman, who had devoted her whole life to taking care of him, was slowly losing her independence bit by bit.
What could a seventeen-year-old do?
No money, no experience.
His bicycle bell sounded throughout the empty street as he made the last turn. He coasted to a stop in front of a small bar where his father worked. According to his dad, he and the owner were 'pretty tight', whatever that meant, and he'd told Seonghyeon he could come by when the house got too suffocating.
So he did.
The bar catered for Seoul's wealthier crowd. The sorts who wore clothes more expensive than his old monthly grocery bill. Who never seemed to worry about anything beyond where they would spend their weekend. Entitled children who grew up in Seoul, poisoning the Earth with their entitlements.
He opened the door and walked inside.
It was strangely quiet in there; probably because the morning rush had ended. All that could be heard inside the bar was the soft clinking of crockery in the kitchen. It was also significantly cooler inside, although not too much.
He approached a stool which was located right beneath a ceiling fan, glad for the cool breeze that was blowing back the wet hair from his forehead. Korean summer was always harsh, and air conditioning definitely wasn’t something everyone could afford.
Getting lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even pay attention to the chime of the bell overhead.
Some teenagers walked into the bar, giggling and talking among themselves while finding their seats at the table that occupied the entire space of the room.
Seonghyeon's eyes drifted towards them almost absentmindedly.
They settled on one boy.
He was the tallest among them, dark hair cascading effortlessly over his forehead and a smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he laughed at what his friends had told him. It was hard not to notice that energy of money as he sat where Seonghyeon was sitting across the room. That watch he wore on his wrist and those trainers he was wearing on his feet.
Seonghyeon hadn’t realised how much time he had spent staring.
Not until a girl who was sitting right in front of him leaned over to whisper something in the ear of her friend.
“Isn’t that boy over there... cute?” she asked, slightly tilting her head in his direction.
She had no qualms about speaking loudly. ''Oh,'' she gasped, turning in her seat before calling across the bar. ''Hey!''
The sound made Seonghyeon glance up.
''You!'' She smiled, pointing directly at him. ''My friend said she thinks you're cute-''
Everyone in the room was immediately quiet as the girl’s face turned red. She slapped her friend hard over her arm.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she asked angrily. “I was just joking!”
“You just called him cute.”
"Yeah, I was speaking to you, not to everyone here!"
The others around the table laughed quietly, but Seonghyeon found himself frozen in his chair. He clenched his hands on his jeans, bunching the material in his grip.
He should go, find somewhere else where he was more than welcome. He glanced up, his gaze drifting back down to the tall boy sitting beside them.
He was looking at him, just like the others, but unlike the others, he was not laughing.
His lips were curving into a smile, gentle enough that it loosened some of the knotting tension in Seonghyeon’s chest. He raised a hand, waving slightly before curling his fingers.
Come here.
Seonghyeon, for a brief moment, only stared back.
Next, before he had a chance to leave the area, he got up from his chair and went toward their table.
The laughter coming from their table all of a sudden stopped, with the girl who embarrassed her friend trying not to be seen on the floor.
However, the taller guy simply moved his seat aside. ''Ignore them,'' he said with an apologetic smile. ''They forget how to function around cute boys.''
Heat crept up his neck.
Seonghyeon chuckled dryly before looking across at the girls. The embarrassment from only moments before seemed forgotten; they had already returned to talking and laughing with the boys sitting across from them.
''I'm Keonho.'' He smiled, sipping on a small drink in front of him.
He was about to open his mouth to answer when the bell sounded again. The door swung wide open, revealing a tall blond-haired boy who charged through it, wearing clothes that must have cost more money than what Seonghyeon had earned in his whole life.
"What the hell?" he yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at the table. ''You guys seriously just left me there? I had to call my mom to get me!''
Groans of complaint came from everywhere.
''It was Juhoon; he told us to leave you,'' Keonho spoke, already looking guilty and raising his hands.
Behind him, Juhoon immediately looked offended, trying to plead his case. In no time, everyone at the table was speaking at once. The tall boy took a seat, continuing to rant about how badly he had been treated by the others before turning to face Seonghyeon.
''Who's this?''
Seonghyeon sat up a little straighter, biting his lip as he glanced around. ''I'm... Seonghyeon.''
One of the girls looked over at him, a knowing smile on her lips. "They say the quietest are the best."
"Oh, don't encourage him," Juhoon groaned.
Keonho laughed before casually slinging an arm across the back of Seonghyeon's chair.
"He was sitting by himself," he explained. "Thought we'd adopt him."
"Right," Juhoon deadpanned. "Keonho's got a thing for strays."
Juhoon stood and shoved his chair back, scraping it on the wooden floor.
"I'm going out for a smoke."
"Ah, me too," Keonho replied, getting up from his seat almost right away.
He bent down to Seonghyeon and gestured with his head toward the door.
"Wanna come?"
Seonghyeon blinked. "No, I don’t smoke."
Keonho shrugged with a slight smile playing on his lips. "I didn't ask you whether you smoked." It took Seonghyeon aback for a moment. "I just thought you might like some fresh air."
Seonghyeon cast his glance around the table for a while, seeing that others had turned back to their discussions after getting bored of the stranger.
He looked back at Keonho. "...Sure."
"Cool."
Keonho flashed him an easy grin before holding the door open as Juhoon stepped outside first. The morning air came in, warm although the sun had only just started its ascent. Seonghyeon followed suit, shutting the door behind him.
"So, um… How do you know each other?" Seonghyeon asked, crouching down next to his bicycle and unhooking the chain.
Juhoon lit his cigarette with the ease of someone experienced at this, blowing smoke out of his mouth. "We live here."
He nodded, looking back and forth between the two boys. Just then, the door to the bar opened up, and the rest of the group came out into the street, still arguing about something they started to disagree on inside.
"James has already gone to the lake," said the blond boy, sticking his hands into his pockets. "We are going there right now."
"Shotgun!" screamed one of the girls, running toward the huge black Jeep that was parked across the street.
Juhoon pulled himself off the wall with a sigh, smoking the cigarette before dropping it on the ground.
"Keonho," he called over his shoulder. "Come on."
"Yeah, yeah."
Keonho pushed himself off the wall, only taking a few steps before stopping.
He turned back to Seonghyeon.
"We're going swimming at Seoseoul Lake with everyone."
Seonghyeon had already swung one leg over his bike.
"Oh." He offered a small smile. "Sounds fun."
Keonho grinned.
"If it seems so fun…" he said, turning backwards as he walked to the Jeep, "are you going with us or what?"
He slowly pushed his bike into the small path among the trees, ducking under the branches and pushing aside the bushes that brushed against his arms. The sound of laughter became louder and louder with every step, and then, suddenly, he found himself standing by the lake.
The lake lay in front of him, its water glistening under the early rays of the sun.
Teenagers were scattered everywhere. While some lounged in the water near the shore, others jumped into the water from the little wooden pier, and a few were sitting down on towels with music coming from someone’s loudspeaker in the background. It wasn’t really his type of thing.
He preferred quieter places. Swimming alone, or with one person he actually knew. Crowds tended to make him feel left out no matter what.
It was hard to notice him sneaking out from among the trees, and he stopped at the edge of the woods, set the kickstand of his bike and ran his hand over his shoulder to brush off a leaf before he stepped onto the beach.
"Seonghyeon!"
He looked up.
The girl from the bar was beckoning him over, her face lit up by a beautiful smile as she came closer to him.
"Glad that we didn’t scare you off."
He rubbed his neck awkwardly.
"Oh, no... I didn’t mean to imply anything..."
She chuckled, shaking her head.
"I know. I would've found it a little strange if I had been invited somewhere by a group of strangers," she laughed.
Before either of them could say anything more, another girl came out of the water with a shriek, droplets showering everywhere. She immediately headed toward them, embracing her friend.
"Hey!" The first girl laughed as water soaked through her clothes. "You're cold!"
"And you're dry and warm," teased the taller girl, holding the hug just a little longer before letting go. "Jumping off the cliff is really fun."
She then turned to Seonghyeon, water dripping from the tips of her hair. "Oh!" she beamed. "You actually came."
"Who's up next?" called out one of the boys atop the rocky ledge overlooking the lake.
Another teenager walked up to the ledge and spread out his arms, launching himself into the water. The splash resounded through the lake, as did the shouts of joy from the rest of the swimmers.
His throat suddenly felt very dry.
"What?" asked the taller girl, noting his reaction and looking where he was looking toward the ledge.
"...Do you want to jump?"
Seonghyeon was shaking his head before even a second had passed.
"No."
“You looked like you were thinking about it.”
“I actually think I’m gonna have to get going,” Seonghyeon said, already moving to get his bike.
She frowned. “Don’t you want to get wet?”
But he didn’t get the chance to answer as her fingers found his wrist easily. “It really isn’t that scary.”
His shoulders stiffened.
“I don’t-”
“Seo-ah, come on,” her friend said. “Let him go if he doesn’t want to.”
“One jump,” she said, gently tugging Seonghyeon’s arm again. “It’ll be fine; we’ll do it together.”
"No..." Seonghyeon tried to yank away. "Stop. Let go."
"Don't be a baby, Seonghyeon." She began tugging him toward the rock-laden path.
Seonghyeon planted his feet firmly into the sand, yet she continued without stopping, giggling all the way back and peering behind her at the rest of the group.
"Guys! He's never jumped into a lake before!"
The looks they were receiving made his heart race. "I said stop." His voice grew sharper with each syllable.
After hesitating for half a second, she grinned again. "You'll thank me later."
"No, I won't."
There were laughs all around them, even from Keonho, who rolled his eyes as he watched the interaction between the two of them.
"Just one jump," he called. "You'll be fine."
Seonghyeon yanked his hand out of hers with more force than intended.
"Didn't you hear me? No."
Her mouth snapped shut right in front of him as her hand dropped to her side.
He didn't say another word; instead, turning around, he walked back toward his bike and began to unmount it from the kickstand, chewing the inside of his cheek anxiously as he pushed the bicycle through the brush.
“Hey, wait up!" Keonho called out behind him, his footsteps crunching on the leaves. "Look... She can be pretty persistent sometimes, but seriously, she’s really sweet.”
"Yeah," was the answer Seonghyeon gave without looking at him. "She seems great."
The sarcasm wasn't subtle.
"Dude, please don’t be mad at me."
Seonghyeon stopped so suddenly that Keonho nearly collided with him. He turned to look at him, clutching tighter onto his handlebars. "You were sitting there laughing."
Keonho opened his mouth, then closed it again.
"I didn't think..."
"No,” Seonghyeon interrupted. "You didn't."
His voice wasn't loud. If anything, it was almost disappointingly calm. "I told her no three times."
Keonho looked down at the ground. "I know. I thought she was only messing around."
Seonghyeon let out a humourless laugh. “I don't even know you guys that well.”
“Yeah, so you can’t just judge me based on what my friend did," Keonho retorted. "I tried to check up on you and see how you’re doing, and instead, I'm being called out by some snarky person who won’t even appreciate my act of kindness!"
The last words stung, so much so that Seonghyeon turned his head away from him. The involuntary hiccup bubbled out of him as he clutched onto the handlebars, so tight his knuckles turned white.
His eyelids fluttered rapidly as he tried to get rid of the sting, but only more tears threatened to come out, distorting the trail through the woods before him. He squeezed his eyes shut temporarily.
God, you're pathetic.
The fury in Keonho’s heart was gone just as fast as it had come. His shoulders dropped. ''...I’m sorry," he murmured. "I—I don’t know why I said that."
“It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice hitching up. “It’s not you, it’s just…”
He raised his hands and ran them roughly across his face before any tears could fall from his eyes.
Another shuddering breath came out of him.
Before he could even make himself walk forward, two hands pressed down gently on his shoulders. Keonho’s thumbs made slow, soothing circular motions on his shoulder blades.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice no louder than the wind blowing through the leaves above their heads. "Can we start over?''
“Sorry is not what I’m looking for….” mumbled Seonghyeon, inhaling deeply, “I’d better be on my way because I live pretty far away, and I think my dad is already expecting me.''
Keonho hesitated for a while before stepping back and allowing himself a slight smile.
“Let’s hang out again, properly?” he asked, reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. “What's your number?”
''Sure,'' chuckled Seonghyeon, still wiping his eyes for the last time, “Actually, my phone gave out on me even before we reached the lake, and I’ve never memorised my number before.”
"Right..." He mumbled something while rummaging through his pockets in search of something. A few moments later, he found what he was looking for. Pulling out a black pen, he quickly took its cap off with his thumb.
"Give me your arm."
Seonghyeon looked at the marker, then back at Keonho.
"...You're writing on me?"
“Anything better comes to mind?”
Seonghyeon allowed himself a hesitant smile. "I suppose not."
He held his forearm out.
Keonho delicately grabbed his wrist, keeping his arm still as he penned a string of numbers down the inside of it. Surprisingly, his writing was clear and clean.
"There," he announced with a smug look, capping his pen. "No excuse not to text me now."
Seonghyeon glanced down at his inked wrist, then gave an uncharacteristic snicker. "I’ll try not to wash it off."
"You’d better not."
They exchanged glances briefly.
This time, however, neither broke eye contact first.
He cleared his throat, nervously shifting beside his bicycle. "I should go."
A quiet settled between them.
"Sorry," Keonho said again. "For... everything."
"Yeah." He placed a hand on the handlebars and lifted himself onto the seat. "I’ll...text you."
The words slipped out before he could change his mind.
"I'll hold you to that."
He moved on, his tyres screeching on the dirt path as he disappeared into the forest.
Seonghyeon stopped his bicycle at the entrance of the little home, leaving it leaning against the wall as he reached for his keys from his pocket and entered the house.
His eyes naturally fell on the black ink that had been scratched on the inside of his arm.
"Hi," he heard his dad say from the sofa as he stared at the television set. "What was your day like?"
"...Mm," Seonghyeon mumbled.
His father glanced over briefly. "That good, huh?"
Seonghyeon merely murmured back and went into the hallway, heading towards his bedroom. He dropped his bag on the floor after rummaging through his pocket for his phone.
The screen would not come on no matter how many times he tried to turn it on.
He went straight to the wall, plugged in the charger, and connected it to his phone. After a couple of seconds, the screen finally came on.
A battery icon appeared.
1%.
It took another minute before he pressed the power button. The lock screen appeared slowly after that, and it was followed by tons of missed notifications from school group chats and marketing emails which he had never unsubscribed from.
After unlocking the phone, he went through the contact application and put in each digit carefully.
Keonho.
His finger lingered above the icon of the message application. How should he even phrase it?
After a deep breath, he laid his phone on the bed and ran his hands over his face.
He would do that later.
After getting up, he pulled off his hoodie and put it over the back of the desk chair. He took out a new towel from his wardrobe and left the room, heading towards the bathroom.
Water splashed on his head, wetting his hair in an instant and washing down his entire body, vanishing through the drain hole. Seonghyeon pressed both palms against the cold tiles and lowered his head under the steady stream.
Each time he shut his eyes, he found the scenes from the afternoon playing behind them.
Come on. It really isn't that scary.
The laughter. His own voice.
"I'm sorry."
Seonghyeon released his breath slowly, seeing how it turned into the fog, only to be swallowed by the steam. He moved his hand aimlessly on his arm.
The ink had begun to smear on the edges because of the hot water. He rubbed it with his finger before stopping abruptly.
He wished to forget about the shame and the quarrel, about how he nearly burst out into tears before a stranger.
He tilted his head backwards and let the water beat against his face, drowning all thoughts.
For a couple of blissful minutes, there were no thoughts other than the hiss of the shower and the pattering sound of the water against the porcelain tiles.
The sound was soft, almost hesitant, a small knock on the door.
The sound of his father’s voice echoed through the crack of the bathroom door from the noise of the running water. “Is there anything you want for dinner?”
He blinked, gazing down at the puddle forming around his feet and being drawn away through the drain.
“No, I’m fine.”
There was a moment’s silence on the other side of the door.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Another silence.
His father sighed quietly.
"Alright. I'll make something."
The footsteps began to fade into the distance.
Seonghyeon stared into the foggy mirror. His hair was plastered to his face, and water trickled down his cheeks and chin. He looked like he needed some rest.
He turned off the shower, and the deafening silence that enveloped the room seemed more intense than when there was sound.
When Seonghyeon came out of the bathroom, the smell of food assaulted his nostrils right away. The scent drew him down to the kitchen where his hair dripped wet onto the shirt he had pulled over himself.
His dad was in the kitchen, going back and forth from the stove to the counter while finishing up his dinner preparation. The sizzling sound echoed inside the silent house along with the sounds of the TV.
It smelled good. But it wasn’t his mom’s cooking.
He despised himself for thinking about it like that. He despised every single time he compared his food to hers.
“Dinner is almost ready,” his dad said.
Seonghyeon nodded and sat down at the table. "Smells good."
The man's gaze moved towards his son, and there was a smile playing upon his lips. "Your mother would have complained about the amount of seasoning I used,''
A laugh broke through his lips before he could stop it. "Yes, she would have."
The smile faded a little from his father's lips, but neither of them spoke again.
"I am sorry for not being there to help with-"
"Which drinks do we have?" asked Seonghyeon, interrupting him.
The words hung between them.
His father paused, his apology dying unvoiced from his mouth.
Seonghyeon looked down at the table, pretending to be engrossed with the scratch marks that were on its surface.
"Seonghyeon..."
“I’m just thirsty.”
His father studied him for a second before sighing quietly and going over to the fridge.
“There’s water. Some juice too."
"Water is good."
His dad nodded, taking a glass from the cupboard and pouring it for him. He wrapped his hands around the glass, feeling the chill sink into his palm.
He knew what his dad meant by that. That his dad wasn’t looking for any excuse.
But apologies were complicated.
"You are stubborn, like your mother always said," his father said in a soft voice.
The kitchen was silent except for the gentle boiling noise of the pot on the stove.
"It is almost ready now," his dad said, turning back towards the stove again and stirring the pot slowly before replacing the lid on it. "You could put the table if you want to."
Seonghyeon only nodded in response, getting up from his seat and walking towards the cupboard where he retrieved two bowls to place them opposite each other. Then, he went back to fetch the chopsticks and spoons.
He set the last pair of chopsticks down just as his father carried the pot over, setting it carefully in the middle of the table. "There you go."
"It looks nice," Seonghyeon commented. His hands were fidgeting under the table, nervously intertwining his fingers on his lap.
His father looked up from pouring the rice, smiling slightly as he did so. He spooned some more rice into Seonghyeon's bowl and put down the ladle.
Once they finished their dinner, Seonghyeon took his bowl and walked to the sink to wash it. After saying a silent thanks to his father, he went up the stairs.
Taking off his slippers and placing them gently by the side of the door, he walked across the room and drew the curtains shut, blocking any lingering glow of the twilight sky.
The only source of light was the little lamp standing on the table next to the bed. His mobile phone was there on the table, fully charged. He tapped on the screen.
Before reaching for the messages app on his phone, he let his finger hover in mid-air for a moment.
Tomorrow would do.
Laying his cell phone down on its back on his nightstand, he got into bed, causing the mattress to gently sag under him. His forearms still bore the black ink numbers written hurriedly in the bathroom.
They looked so innocent in the semi-darkness of the room, as if some young child had drawn them. Seonghyeon traced the numbers with his thumb, careful not to wipe them away.
"God, I'm such an...Idiot," he said, but there was no edge of anger in his voice. Letting his arm drop onto the bedding again, he gazed up at the ceiling.
Keonho was somebody he had met for just a few hours, yet somehow managed to take too much space in his mind.