Archive of Our Own

Being around Zanka after the whole kissing thing had been…different. Most of their back and forth was the same. He still got under Zanka’s skin and got yelled at by him, but he seemed more comfortable around him. It’s the best way he could think to describe the shift he’d noticed in him. Jabber could see the change whenever Zanka finished shouting at him and started smiling or chuckling out of nowhere. He could feel it after a fight, and Zanka would help him lick his wounds, so to speak. In the way that Zanka would let their hands brush when they walked together.

It filled him with all kinds of twisted feelings that he wanted to strangle just as much as he wanted to take the time to detangle them, and it was pissing him off. He’s not sure if Zanka knew what he was doing to his psyche, but Jabber was sure that if he did, then he must have been relishing in the devastation he was causing, the sadistic fuck. He had to know what he was doing because he always looked so smug when he made him tense and awkward, and it made him want to wipe that smug attitude right off that pretty face of his. Mentally he kicked himself for thinking about him being pretty.

Really, it was ridiculous that he was even thinking this way. While there was no explicit question of if they were boyfriends or not, they were definitely dating after everything. Zanka continued to find time to kiss him during their horror nights, though it hasn’t really gone as far as it did the first time. Though, to be fair, it’s only been four weeks as of tonight since then, but tonight Zanka hadn’t put any moves on him.

He thinks it’s because tonight they were playing a game instead of watching a movie, so it required more focus. Jabber almost didn’t notice it until it was already time for Zanka to go, and he felt a pang in his chest at not getting any of that affection Zanka claimed to want so damn bad. He was starting to crave that touch, and they’d barely started whatever this thing that they were and it was agonizing.

A quick goodbye and a peck on the lips was all he got, and then Zanka was gone, and his dorm felt far too cold. It made him sick that Zanka was having this effect on him without having to do a thing to him. Zanka could have at least had the common courtesy to hit or bite him a little before he left, but no. So selfish…feeling Zanka pressed up against his side did feel nice, though.

He shook the thought out of his head and decided to take a cold shower to clear his head.

After shocking his system with extreme colds and extreme heat, Jabber felt like he’d managed to reset his brain to stop overthinking his feelings and his relationship with Zanka. He dried off and kept his hair up after removing his shower cap, then dressed himself in heavy pajama pants and an equally thick sleep shirt. It was getting colder out, and as much as Jabber liked pain, he’d like to be comfortable when he went to sleep. Not that he was going to bed right away.

As he exited the bathroom, he could hear how hard it was raining outside, and just like that he was thinking of Zanka again, wondering if he’d caught the last bus and made it to his car. The campus was big, and Zanka commuted to school, but the parking lot he chose was so far away they had a bus system to pick up those commuters. He knew Zanka didn’t have an umbrella or a rain jacket, so if he’d missed the bus, he’d have to walk. He’s done it before after their horror nights; he vividly remembers Zanka complaining about it on Mondays or whenever he saw him next and loving the annoyed look on his face.

He loves it when Zanka loses that put-togetherness of his, which is why he gets frustrated worrying about him. Before getting together with him, Jabber would have laughed at the mental image of Zanka getting soaked and no doubt shouting uselessly into the wind about his situation. He’s agitated as he cleans up the takeout Zanka had brought for them that evening and shuts down his laptop, trying once again to rid himself of his soft, mushy thoughts and is tremendously failing at every reminder of their time together.

Maybe I should just kiss him myself next time. He grumbled to himself once he cleaned up the rest of their trash. Just as he was about to relax on his couch, there was a loud, insistent knock on his door. He’d ignored it at first, not really caring and assuming someone had the wrong room, but then an unmistakable voice shouted through the door with little regard for how late at night it was.

Jabber I know yer in there! The light’s still on; open up already!

Giggles bubbled out of him as he practically skipped to his door. What a pleasant surprise to have Zanka back so soon and sounding so mad at him too! What a gift it was to open his door to find Zanka hugging himself with Lovely in the crook of his arm as he shook, soaked to the bone and looking as pathetic as a wet chihuahua. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were rosy from the cold, and to Jabber, it was reassuring that his first thought was that he looked cute like that and not the worries he’d been feeling prior to seeing him.

Missed the bus. He needlessly explained with chattering teeth and bullied his way past Jabber to get inside. Jabber let him go by and shut the door behind him, watching as Zanka gently set Lovely up against the wall before he started kicking off his boots.

I could tell. Doesn’t explain why you came crawling back to me. The sharp glare sent his way told him that Zanka was gearing up to lay into him for that one, but then Zanka’s flush worsened, and he wasn’t naive enough to think it was still from the cold.

...Is it alright if I stay the night? He was clearly embarrassed asking the question. Zanka couldn’t meet his eyes, and Jabber had to resist laughing at how he looked even more pathetic now with no shoes and in his sopping wet socks, shivering like that.

Aw Zan-Zan wants to sleep with me tonight? And the way Zanka’s face damn near burst into flames made it impossible for him not to laugh, even if those stupid butterflies were back again.

Shut up! Don’t say it like that, jackass! Can I stay or not!

Course! What kind of terrible, shitty, fuck-awful boyfriend would I be if I sent you back out into that mess?

Yer never gonna let that go, are you? Zanka gave him a flat, unimpressed look, and Jabber giggled again. He couldn’t get enough of how funny Zanka looked dripping like the wet cat he was. So prickly and unamused.

What do you mean? I’d never hold anything against you, Zanka. He reached over and ran his hand over Zanka’s wet bangs and pushed them up into the rest of his hair, where it stayed, getting more of that cute glare sent his way.

Such an asshole. Thanks fer lettin’ me stay.

Then Zanka did something he wasn’t prepared for. Something he didn’t think Zanka was bold enough to do. Something he didn’t think would fluster him so much.

Zanka started to strip. Right there. In front of him, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Removing his outer sweater there made sense, sure, but then he peeled himself out of his shirt, and Jabber couldn’t think of anything other than Zanka’s taut muscles and erect nipples. His shirt hit the ground with a wet plop, and Jabber only managed to find his words when it became apparent that Zanka’s hands showed no signs of stopping and grabbed his belt.

What are you doing? His voice cracked embarrassingly, and Zanka had the audacity to look at him like he was the weird one. Usually that was the case, but this time he knew for certain he wasn’t crazy.

Avoidin’ hypothermia? He arched a brow at him, and the sound of his belt buckle being undone sent a wave of tingling heat through Jabber’s body so powerful it made him shiver.

Here I thought you’d be the take-it-slow type. Jabber tried to joke, to make it more obvious what he was actually trying to imply before, and Zanka just rolled his eyes and smirked, fucking smirked, at him!

Here I thought ya wouldn’t mind a bit of skin. His laughter at him was broken up around another shiver from the chill that continued to cling to him as he shed his layers.

You know I don’t. Taking that as an invitation, Jabber allows himself to relax and once again lets his eyes rake over Zanka’s exposed form.

The zip of his fly has Jabber buzzing with heat, and he never knew such a sound could turn him on so much. Then inch by inch of his pale skin is revealed as Zanka slowly frees himself of his pants. Toned thighs he'd felt violently wrapped around his neck before were now bare for him to see, and Jabber was sure this would be seared into his mind from now until forever. As will the image of Zanka’s pants being around his ankles.

You ever think about wrestling in our underwear? To him, it felt like meeting their needs in the middle. Zanka’s desire for physical affection and his own need for pain. Wrestling wasn’t as bad as their usual fighting, as it was more about grappling and throws, and damn was Zanka good at those.

Fuck no. The silence that followed was different from when he’d been watching him. Zanka couldn’t meet his eyes, looking embarrassed again, and Jabber found an opportunity to tease him more, taking those short steps closer to close the distance between them.

You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you? Feeling a swell of desire to touch him, he reaches out to grab Zanka's chin gently, encouraging him to look at him. He knew better than to force him if he wanted Zanka to follow along with his antics.

Yeah cause you said it! He shouted at him, and, overcome with how attracted to him he was right then, he went in for that kiss he’d been thinking of before Zanka came back. He was still working on initiating kisses with Zanka, and feeling their cold lips on his had them both shivering.

He feels Zanka’s broadening smile against his lips as he leans into their kiss. His cold, clammy hands came up to hold the back of his neck, sending a chill down his spine that only made Jabber want to kiss him harder. He grabbed hold of Zanka’s waist and pulled him closer, not caring about his clothes getting a little wet. It’d been so long since Zanka had riled him up like this, so he wasted no time trying to lick his way into Zanka’s mouth. He was rewarded with a giggling moan before Zanka parted his lips for him, and their tongues met in the middle. Even his tongue felt a few degrees cooler when pressed against his own. He hungrily licked along his tongue and into his mouth, along the roof of his mouth, along his teeth, anywhere he could reach. Zanka’s cold hands clawed at the back of his neck, and the only reason he stopped in his pursuit to devour Zanka was the teeth sinking into his tongue. He reflexively pulled back and put a hand over his mouth. In the same moment, Zanka pulled away from him and took two steps back, nearly slipping in the little puddle he’d made.

You’re so mean when I kiss you. Not that it’s a big complaint or anything.

Ya hardly ever kiss me. Kinda slim pickin’. Zanka crossed his arms over his chest, likely both to cover himself up and to preserve his minimal warmth.

Are you keeping track or something?

I can’t not notice when it’s always me initiatin’. Zanka pouts, pouts at him for this apparent slight he’s unintentionally done to him.

Hmmm, didn’t know I was breaking your heart over it, Zan-Zan. Want me to make it up to you? He tried closing in on him again and got himself a clammy hand being shoved in his face to push him back.

Ugh, don’t be gross. Despite the hand in his face, his vision was completely unobscured, letting him see the embarrassed and flustered state Zanka seemed to be in. He was making that grumpy face he made when he was getting teased, and it was just too cute.

Stop blushing then.

I’m just cold! Zanka was not helping himself. Especially when he started stomping away toward the bathroom.

Sure you are. He called after him in a sing-song voice he knew annoyed Zanka.

I’m gonna use yer shower! He shouted right before slamming his bathroom door shut with finality.

Take your time sweetheart! He took a swing at a pet name and could definitely hear some kind of unintelligible noise coming out of his bathroom. Whether it was a good or bad noise was inconclusive, but he’d take it as a win either way.

In the time Zanka took in the shower, Jabber figured he might as well occupy himself with cleaning up all the water Zanka tracked in and tossing his wet clothes into his sink since the bathroom was a no-go right then and drying off Lovely for him. Of course then he took off his pajamas and threw them over a chair to dry from the excess water that got on him, leaving himself in just his boxers. It was oddly domestic cleaning up after Zanka, and it made his skin crawl. Zanka was really pushing him to do and think things that wouldn’t normally cross his mind, and it was infuriating. Really, how dare he make him act all soft and boring? It was disgusting! He was lucky that the mental image of him in his underwear was such a good distraction, or else he might be more irritated by him. Jabber was less lucky that the remark about him not kissing Zanka was bouncing around in his skull just as much as mostly naked Zanka.

It was true that he let Zanka take the lead on all the affection, but he hadn’t considered the problems that might cause with his overthinking partner. As much as he loathes the way it twists his gut, he does actually want whatever affection Zanka gives him, so maybe he should put more effort into showing it the way Zanka shows it and not just the way he does it by teasing him and wanting to fight him. Zanka does indulge his needs for pain after all, so it would only be fair. He did actually want to be a good boyfriend.

Jabber? The subject of his derailed thoughts called from the bathroom.

Zanka? He called back and made his way over to the bathroom.

Could I uh, borrow some underwear?

Nah, you gotta sleep naked. Jabber told him, making sure that his sarcasm was painfully obvious to keep from making Zanka uncomfortable.

Fuck you! Zanka laughed and, to Jabber’s surprise, opened the bathroom door.

Then he saw him with a towel wrapped around his waist and realized that made a lot more sense than Zanka actually walking out nude. What was interesting, though, was hearing his laughter pitter out as Zanka started to eye him. Zanka blushed as he openly checked him out, and Jabber couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of him. It was fun seeing their situation reversed and having Zanka blushing while looking at his barely clothed form.

What, were you interested? Jabber hated the nervous tint in his own voice.

Dude shut up! I’m not in the mood for all that! Zanka shoved him by his shoulder, and the two of them started laughing with the same twinge of nerves.

Even if it was obvious the two of them were deeply attracted to each other right now, neither of them were particularly ready for that big of a jump in intimacy. They’ve only gone as far as some light petting with a bit of choking, and Jabber was only just getting comfortable being touched without tensing and figuring out what to do with his hands when they kissed.

I’ll go get you some underwear. Jabber turned on his heels and walked straight into his room.

He rummaged around his underwear drawer for a good pair without any holes for him. As much as he didn’t want to care about such things, he could care a little bit for Zanka. That’s what he’s been telling himself when he ends up caring about dumb, inane things like that.

He returned to Zanka with a pair of pink boxers for him because he couldn’t help himself in pushing Zanka’s buttons at least a little bit. It got him an annoyed glare and the underwear snatched out of his hands before the door was slammed in his face, and he started cackling at Zanka’s frustration.

Did ya spend all that time lookin’ just to find these specifically? Zanka grumbled when he reopened the door with the towel now over his head as he dried his hair with the offending article suiting him nicely on his hips.

Hey, those are one of my favorite pairs! They look good on you. And they did, but it was Zanka, so that was unsurprising. The fact that he had the thought at all was though.

Such a dick. Zanka scoffed, but there was something suspicious about the fact that his hands stilled on his head.

He knew Zanka well enough to have some ideas as to why he was just letting the towel obscure his face. It was one of those obvious tactics he used when he wanted to hide whatever face he was making, so naturally Jabber yanked the towel from his hands to see what the hubbub was about. He kinda regretted it since he was unprepared for the bashful, giddy look on his face or how he’d look even cuter with his hair all mussed from getting dried. Wasn’t prepared for the fact that he made Zanka act all flattered and happy from something so small. The guy was so starved for praise it could be sad…he wanted to give him more.

Hey! That bashful look vanished in an instant, but it was already stamped all over Jabber’s brain. He loved getting shouted at by him just as much and the grumpy pout of his. So much so that he just had to kiss him again. This time it was more of a quick peck, but it was enough to stun Zanka into silence.

Hey yourself.

Yer so annoyin’. He huffed and looked back into the bathroom. You don’t mind if I leave my earrings in there, do ya? Oh, and I can wring out my clothes in here too?

You don’t gotta worry about all that. I cleaned up your big ass mess already and Lovely too.

Oh. Sorry about that. Now he was shifting awkwardly in place, and Jabber decided to take mercy on him.

It’s all good, man. Since you’re here now, wanna play more of that game?

Nah, think I’m ready to crash. Zanka hugged himself again and rubbed his arms to keep warm.

Alright, bed then grandpa. Jabber brushed past Zanka to hang up his towel.

Yer older than me!

I’ve got the more youthful spirit. He came back out and pushed Zanka toward his room and was stopped by Zanka digging in his heels.

Wait, are we sleepin’ together? Jabber could hear him metaphorically clutching his pearls.

Literally yeah. Why? That a problem? He went from pushing to resting his hands on his shoulders while they talked it out.

Not for me. Didn’t think you’d be okay with it. Zanka mumbled and looked at him from over his shoulder.

Maybe you should stop making all those assumptions about me. I might start getting upset. Some part of that was true, he thinks, but usually that kind of stuff rolled right off him.

Some of them are right.

Not all of them.

True. Can I borrow some pants though?

Take your pick. I gotta get some fresh ones myself.

Then, you should lead.

Right this way!

Jabber released his shoulders and trotted into his room with Zanka following close behind. His room wasn’t messy by any means, but the bed was unmade, and he had some dirty clothes and books scattered about. If Zanka minded, he didn’t say so, and he didn’t care. He hopped onto his bed hard enough to bounce, and the act got a chuckle out of Zanka.

Aren’t you gonna put on pants?

In a minute. He rolled onto his side to look at Zanka again and see him smiling down at him in his pink boxers.

...Okay. Zanka followed his lead again and jumped into bed with him, making Jabber giggle at the unseriousness of it all.

Zanka lifts a part of his covers and shuffles his way beneath them. Naturally, Jabber joins him, and as he does, Zanka scoots himself closer to him. It was only then he started thinking about the fact that he had Zanka in his bed with him in nothing but his underwear. Something he was sure Zanka was thinking too from the faint blush on his cheeks and the way he was struggling to meet his eyes.

You could get a little closer, you know, if you’re still cold. Jabber offered so he didn’t have to outright ask for Zanka to cuddle with him.

Guess I am a little cold. Zanka nervously chuckled, and the two of them met somewhere in the middle of his bed.

Zanka wasted no time clinging to him, throwing one arm around his waist to tug him even closer as his other hand held his shoulder, not feeling cold at all on his skin. They both jumped when their legs bumped, and there was nothing he could have done about the full-body shudder he got from feeling Zanka’s leg push between his own.

This okay? Zanka whispered in the minimal space between them.

Yeah. He was irritated by the tremble in his voice. That irritation melted away when the hand on his shoulder moved to cradle his face, and he got pulled into a gentle kiss.

His own hands mirrored Zanka’s own then, cupping Zanka’s cheek and holding onto his waist as their lips moved together. Though the touch was gentle, Jabber couldn’t say he was understimulated. Every brush of skin to skin left him practically vibrating from all the pleasant tingles and simmering heat that crept inside him. They were chest to chest, and cautious hands stroked along their bare backs and sides. Though Zanka was already closing his eyes, Jabber found that he liked keeping his eyes open when they kissed. Even in the low light of his room, he could make out his features. He could appreciate how handsome he was with his bangs still pushed back out of his face and how strange it was to see him without his signature earrings. Just as strange as he’s sure it was for Zanka to feel his hands on him without Mankira gracing his fingers. He’d put her away in her special holder before his shower and never found a moment to put her back on.

Somehow the lack of their most notable accessories, the sudden awareness of how bare they really were, made everything feel that much more intimate and that much more terrifying. He gasped into their kiss when Zanka started massaging him just over his hip, and his legs subconsciously squeezed his.

Ya sure yer okay? Zanka whispered against his lips.

Yeah, just feels different is all. Intense, he thinks.

We don’t have to do any of this. The hand moved from his hip to his back to rub what was meant to be soothing circles into Jabber’s skin.

I know. Doesn’t this feel like a lot though? It was embarrassing to put it out there, but the soft, nervous laugh Zanka gave him already let him know that the feeling was mutual.

Yeah, I know. It’s like, excitin’ and makes me feel like I wanna die too. Zanka pressed his cheek further into his palm as he let out a shaky sigh.

Exactly! I like it, but I also hate how much I like it. You confuse the shit out of me, Zanka.

Good cause you mess me up too.

They shared soft giggles, and their foreheads knocked together as they both snuggled closer. Their arms snaked further around each other, embracing one another in a way they haven’t done yet.

Do you have any idea what ya do to me? Runnin’ around my mind like you own the place. Makin’ me think about how nice yer hands feel on me. About yer annoyin’ ass giggle and yer bit up lips on mine. Drives me crazy.

Wow. Guess we’re on the same page after all. Here I thought I was the only one getting tormented. I hate how soft you make me feel for you. Hate how much you make me want to be all touchy-feely with you. It’s disgusting, and I hate how much I don’t want it to stop.

The pair grinned sharply at their warped confessions, snickering at the ridiculous reality they found themselves in and how much more they’d hate it if it were to change. Zanka kisses his cheek, and Jabber does the same. The next kiss Zanka gives him teases him with the promise of teeth, and it’s so enthralling that he barely lets Zanka get away before they’re kissing again. His obvious interest made Zanka bite into his chapped lips more, toying with them and gnawing on them the way Zanka has learned he likes. He moans in the way he’s learned makes Zanka work even harder to please him.

Despite the roughness of their kiss, their explorative hands remained cautious and relatively gentle. Neither of them can really stop their giggles as they enjoyed having each other under their hands, feeling each other’s every jump and shiver. When they shuffled closer, Jabber could feel just how much Zanka was enjoying himself, and it may have emboldened him to let his hand dip down to cop a feel of Zanka’s ass. Zanka gasped from the firm grasp and broke their kiss to press his face to Jabber’s shoulder, where he continued to giggle.

Ya know, this is embaressin’ to say out loud, but I like it when ya can cuddle with me and when ya kiss me. It’s passionate and messy, but it’s so you, and fuck if I keep talkin’ like this I’ll kill somebody. Zanka may have been hiding his face, but Jabber could feel his smile against his skin.

Can it be me? Jabber’s other hand slid up Zanka’s back, fingers ghosting over every ridge of his spine as he went and making Zanka press himself deeper into his embrace.

Wanna wrestle? There was something undeniably flirtatious in the way Zanka had reintroduced his own idea back to him. It was stuff like this that reminded him of why he liked Zanka so much.

I love how much you get me. It came out like a dreamy sigh that he would have been more disgusted by if it weren't for how Zanka reacted to it.

In lieu of a verbal response, Zanka gave him that too-wide smile that others might call creepy, but Jabber found it made his heart race and his stomach flip with butterflies. Then they were rolling around in the sheets in the way they were both all too familiar with now. Even if they were both still trying to get truly comfortable with this new level of physical intimacy in their relationship, there were plenty of other ways they already knew how to be close that they could both enjoy. To do so while being a single piece of clothing away from naked felt even better than he’d hoped. The middle ground that Jabber had envisioned for this wasn’t just about the pain of being pulled into positions his flexibility couldn’t spare him from. It was the way Zanka’s heated bare body felt pressed flush against him. It was the blood and adrenaline pumping through his veins that heightened every sensation and made every touch that much more intoxicating. Heat was quickly pooling deep in his loins, and feeling Zanka’s own excitement occasionally rub and press against him, and sometimes against his own need, only fueled his desire for him.

Being together like this now made Jabber look forward to when he could properly return the favor. To be able to give Zanka exactly what he needed, to see more of his blushing face and that too-wide grin. To get him to make all kinds of noises he’s never heard from him before and to tease him about it until Zanka had enough and attacked him with all his love and anger. For now he’d have fun taking turns pushing each other’s face down into the pillows and failing miserably not to get so turned on it hurt from seeing each other in such vulnerable and hot as hell positions.

When he’d gotten Zanka into such a position, his hand tightly gripping his hair; a thought popped into his head. Zanka’s hair was kinda rough and undone, still fresh from the shower, and an inexplicable urge took hold of him at that thought. Impulse control wasn’t always his strong suit, and he figured Zanka might like it, so the words were out before he could even think twice about it.

Your hair feels like shit. He used his grip on Zanka to force him to tilt his head to the side so he could see the bewildered look on his face.

Huh? Was practically growled at him for the insult.

Can I fix it for you?

Ya coulda just started with that asshole! Zanka thrashed, and Jabber knew he didn’t have long before he was thrown off and pinned himself yet again.

Can I? Despite Zanka’s fighting, he loosened his grip to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. It was as if a part of Zanka’s brain turned off from the gentle affection from him at a time like this. His eyes went wide as his face tinted pink, and he looked straight ahead instead of at him. Adorable. It had to be embarrassing for him.

...Just don’t make it worse.

And for giggling like a madman at his acceptance, Jabber was violently thrown off of him and onto the hard floor, then getting his chest sat on with his arms getting pinned by Zanka's legs. The only way this evening could get any better was if those legs were around his head instead.