Chapter Text
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Uncle asks.But i remember he isn't my real uncle.He's just a friend of my parents from before they died in the car crash.I have no other living relative so he's become my legal gaurdian.
"I'm sure,Uncle,"I say indifferently.I haven't really thought about it beforehand,but i know it's what I want to do.
"Then I'll arrange the flight.But remember,you can call from Korea whenever you like.You can turn back anytime.After all,the company can pay the debts for it's only heiress," he assures me as the current CCO running for me.
Before the car crash,my mother was a faithful Taemin fan.She loved listening to his songs and she went to the concerts she was able to go to.She had me by her side every single time.Eventually,I also started liking kpop-though I wasn't really allowed to show it- and what a coincidence that my parents passed away not long after.
I still can't believe such a strict and cruel person could be such a consistent kpop fan. Cruel how?
Well,my mother wanted me to be good at everything.She expected me to be good at everything.Music,sports, academics,handicrafts,acting...Every single field known to humankind.
And I tried to keep up.I really did.
She had me have lessons for guitar,piano,violin and cello; I was in the lineup for the national figure skating team; I was first in almost all of the competitions I participated in;I knew several languages; I could sew,do crochet and embroidery- I even did child modeling and acting.
But it wasn't enough-it was never enough.
My mother was Korean and my father was Turkish-Canadian. After having me in Canada,they moved to Türkiye.
Once,in Türkiye I was having violin lessons and mother was supervising next to my teacher.The bow slipped and cut through my palm because I was tired after playing for hours.
My teacher noticed and was worried.She tried to talk to my mother and told her she should take me to the hospital but my mother brushed it off."It resulted from her own incompetency-Continue,"she said coldly.I remember it so clearly.Her emotionless eyes, unchanging expression.
I'll tell you another one of these horrible, unamusing stories though I know you're bored by now.
Once again,I was at volleyball training and my mother was sitting on the bench as if it was a throne.Not to cheer me in of course,but to point out my every single mistake.
The night before, she'd made me solve an unhealthy amount of math questions and I didn't get much sleep so I was exhausted like any other human being.My vision kept getting blurry and I repeatedly lost my balance.
I asked mother if I could respectfully skip practice that morning because I was tired-understatement.
"Don't be lazy.If you can't even handle that much,then you're weak.You will not be skipping practice or any type of lesson unless you face a life threatening situation," was the answer I'd gotten along with a slap across the face.
So when one of my teammates crashed into me,I hit my leg on one of the poles carrying the net with and audible crack sound.The coach said we should go to the hospital and she looked concerned.I actually got deja Vu in that moment.I wonder why.
"She doesn't look that bad.She's only making excuses,"she declared. She glared at me. "Get up and continue."
My coach actually gaped when I forced myself up. When we arrived home, my leg was still hurting unbearably and it stood in an odd angle. Mother only glared for a second and then went in with her work.
Only after my begging and my father's nagging did she finally take me to the hospital.
As expected, I'd broken a bone. As the doctor started telling her she should've come faster and that she should care about her child's health at least a little. But mother didn't think it was too serious or that it carried much important.
In fact, she looked rather bored.
I was in bed for months to heal but mother had all of my books and stuff brought there.I started studying again the very day I broke my leg.
The doctor said I should stay in bed for atleast a few months but-of course-mother had me on crutches the next day to play violin for her though I didn't have any classes that day.I put one of the crutches under my armpit and tried to play the instrument as my mother awaited.
I tried.I really did.
I struggled and finally,I fell on the floor.But mother's face stayed the same-of course it did.She didn't show any emotion,any sign of surprise or pity or anything.I realize now how desperate I was for any type of response from her.
I got the same result at the end of any similar situation-which happened quite often:My mother is as cold as an iceberg and has a heart of stone.
I absolutely hated her with all my heart heart-I still do-but I had a type of hunger in me that wanted to fulfill her expectations.That's why I didn't say no to any lesson,competition or shoot.
With time I also turned into my mother.
I didn't have many feelings anymore and I was too quiet for my age.I started doing whatever mother ordered without any retaliation.And I learned to stay quiet even if I was severely hurt.I learned to not speak unless I was spoken to.
Because I was a quite child and I didn't get many social interactions,I didn't have any friends.So when mother went to dinner with one of her business partner and brought me in order to befriend his children-so she could have another bond with him using me- we headed to the indoor playground while the two adults talked.My peers started climbing places and jumping on the trampolines.I also tried to imitate them but the problem was that I'd never been to a place like that before.I had never been to a park and even if I did go,it was for yet another photoshoot.
I stood there timidly while the other children squealed and hopped from place to place in excitement.And then one of them ran to me asking enthusiastically,"What're you doing? Aren't you going to play?"
He then ran off before I could answer.I awkwardly sat down in the middle of the ballpit.Kids were grabbing multi-coloured balls from there and throwing them at each other in delight.
To be honest, I didn't really understand then.I was raised to think these type of things were absurd and a waste of time.
When we arrived home,mother shouted at me for not being able to socialize or make friends with my peers.She had me write a long essay about friendship which was comically useless because I didn't know a thing about friendship-thanks to someone.
So I just wrote what my tutors told me about friends.For example Friends are people who are always there with you through your good and bad days or Friends love and care about you unconditionally.
It's absurd dumb, really.Mother taught me to be silent since I knew how to process things-most of the time I was even afraid of crying.She told me to shut up when I tried to express what I thought about a subject,she didn't care about my opinion.
And then one day,she leaves me in a playground full of children jumping and giggling expecting me to just be acquainted to them.
Anyways,the point is that I hate her but desired to do things she wanted from me.
6 years after the crash,I want to become a kpop idol, even though it's not what mother planned for me.
Mother's company was automatically passed down to me as I'm the last of my bloodline and now I've inherited it.
Though I am CEO by name,I am not of age so I cannot legally run it.