Chapter Text
Alex managed to keep his head down during freshman year. He had minimal interest in making friends because making friends meant telling secrets, and telling secrets meant that someone would know that he was gay. He doesn't know how he's successfully duped people around him into thinking that he was straight, but that was better than dealing with the fallout that came with being the black sheep of the family. He was already the punk rock drummer in an evangelical Christian household. Adding onto it was selfish at that point, or at least that's what Pastor Carl told him during the teen sermon. "Sins that you consider harmless are already burdening your bloodline, let alone the skeletons that you teenagers are keeping in your closet," he would say.
With that aired out, Alex is undoubtedly sure that he has a crush on a guy in his Honors World History class. How this guy made it into an Honors class is a mystery, but the bigger mystery is how, despite the delinquency, Alex can't help but be absolutely infatuated with him.
Luke Patterson entered the classroom with an even bigger grin on his face than the one from yesterday. Alex seriously doubted that his smile was the result of the upcoming lesson about the Neolithic Revolution.
Luke greeted his desk neighbor Bobby with a friendly clap of the hands as he lowered himself into the desk at the front of the classroom. For someone who often got in trouble, he sure did enjoy sitting right in the teacher's view.
"Are you sure your brother can't drum for us? The drummer controls the beat. Without a drummer, we might as well gear up to play at the old folks home." Luke lamented, then eagerly reached into his backpack for his notebook to scribble like playing rock music at a convalescent complex was a good idea.
"For the last time, no, dude." Bobby chortled. "He's a freshman in college. The last thing he wants to do is hang out with the likes of you. Me included."
Luke smacked his lips and licked his finger in preparation to give Bobby a wet willy, but Bobby swiftly swatted his hand away.
This twosome needed a drummer. Alex knew his way around a kit, but was this really the company he wanted to be in? Selfish answer: yes. He liked Luke, as much it pained him to say so, and it wasn't just because he didn't take school seriously. His brain told him not to because his parents wouldn't approve, but this was an opportunity to actually get to know Luke and see what it was like when he was actually passionate about something.
After class, Alex tried to muster up all of the courage in his body to walk up to Luke, but someone had gotten in his way before he had a chance to catch up to him. If he wanted to talk to this guy, then he'd have to step out of his comfort zone even further. Fourth period was before lunch, so he had a better chance of talking to Luke than any other time during the school day.
Alex usually ate lunch in the school library, but if he wanted to take a chance on something instead of chickening out like he usually did, then he'd have to bite the bullet of entering the cafeteria full of clamoring teens.
As Alex approached the cafeteria, several students zoomed past as if the frozen lunch was the finest cuisine. He never felt more out of place than he did then. The only time he ever went to the cafeteria was during freshman year when he had forgotten to pack utensils with his bagged lunch from home, and even then, he was in and out.
He clutched his backpack straps, braving forward into the foreign space. Chatter from students overwhelmed his hearing. He distracted himself by searching for that familiar mop of brunette hair. Much to Alex's dismay, Bobby and several jocks of varying athletics were attached to the table. Luke was by his lonesome at the end of the table, like the caboose of a train of lunatics.
Alex took a deep breath, then approached the end of the table. Luke looked up from his lunch tray. Bobby halted his conversation with the meatheads to his left and stared at Alex like he pissed on his mystery meat.
"Can I help you?" Bobby scoffed.
"I heard you talking about needing a drummer. I can play." Alex responded, despite the fact that he could taste stomach acid on his tongue.
"Yeah, uh," Bobby eyed Alex with contempt, "we're good, Barbie."
The jocks beside Bobby snickered and patted Bobby on the back for a job well done.
Alex looked at his baby pink shirt underneath a denim jacket. The shirt used to be white, but a single red sock had dyed half his wardrobe in the wash.
Luke swatted Bobby on the side of the arm, shaking his head as if to silently say that was uncool. Bobby brushed him off.
"It's cool." Alex replied dejectedly.
"Come to our studio on Saturday. It's when we practice. We've got a drumset waiting for you if you're up for it." Luke perked up as Alex began to turn to walk off, as if he were verbally grabbing his wrist to get him to stay.
Luke reached into his backpack to retrieve his notebook, which had endless pen scrawls on the blue cover. Then, he plucked his pen from behind his ear, wrote something down on a fresh sheet of paper, and ripped it from the metal spiral to give to Alex.
The address was nearly illegible, but Alex could make it out if he was serious about it. "Thanks," Alex murmured.
Luke gave him a simple nod and smile. The way he chewed his lip made Alex's heart flutter.
He was able to walk off with pride, knowing that stepping out of his comfort zone worked out in his favor for once. Although Bobby was going to take some getting used to, he could tell that Luke was twice the man Bobby was. Now Alex's reservations on intelligence seemed silly to him. In the grand scheme of things, did he really have the luxury to be choosy? He didn't have to like Luke in a romantic way, but it sort of happened spontaneously.
One night, Alex had a dream about Luke when they were paired together for an assignment in music class. Luke was somehow in Alex's bedroom, and they somehow started being handsy and kissing one another. It was a rite of passage to have a dream about kissing someone you absolutely shouldn't, whether that be a celebrity you didn't find attractive before or someone you had never paid attention to beforehand.
On Saturday, Alex realized that the hard part wasn't asking Luke what he was talking about. It was going through with something that he never envisioned getting this far with.
"Are you sure that you don't want me to drop you off?" Mary Mercer swiped nonexistent lint off Alex's shoulders, making sure that he looked presentable for his 'study session'. He didn't have to lie, but at the same time, he did. His parents supported his love for music, but they didn't exactly take a liking to what kind of music their son liked to play. If he told his parents that he was going to show off for the potential spot in a rock band, they'd never let him step foot outside the house until he repented on what could have possibly drawn him to the work of the Devil.
Regardless, Alex had to go through with this. If he didn't go through with this, then an opportunity to potentially move out once he scrounged up an acceptable income would be lost.
He didn't know what time to show up, and Luke hadn't exactly given him his number nor did he ask for it. So, he showed up at noon. He sat on the ground with his back up against the garage doors underneath an old basketball hoop and stared at the landscaping around the area as if it would have answers. There was no telling how long he waited. It could have been fifteen minutes, thirty, or even an hour before Alex perked up at the sound of chatter coming from the path. A blue bicycle crashed on its way down from being tossed aside. There stood Luke, dressed in a Green Day tee with the sleeves haphazardly chopped off into a tank and scuffed up sneakers. He shook his head around and fixed his halfway dried hair from what anyone would assume was a shower. Alex thought it was the most attractive Luke had ever looked. It was casual and boyish, but the smile Luke wore made Alex's heart skip a beat all the same.
"Dude, how long have you been sitting here?" Luke laughed and offered Alex his hand to help him spring up to his feet. Bobby followed a few seconds behind Luke, and the mood had soured as soon as he and Alex locked eyes.
"We start at one," Bobby stated flatly.
"Yeah. I didn't know that. I kinda just guessed when I should-"
He cut Alex off. "Now you know. Let's go inside."
Luke watched Alex's face drop to one of shame. "Don't worry about him. He isn't always like this. I promise." He gestured his head toward the garage doors.
Alex followed Luke inside, though drumming wasn't the thing on his mind anymore. Why was Bobby acting so coldly towards him? Someone like Alex couldn't possibly threaten him. Maybe it had something to do with the jocks thinking he looked dorky, so Bobby mirrored their behavior to keep them in his friend circle. Luke didn't seem like the type of guy who hung out with those kinds of people. In fact, he had been sitting alone at the edge of the table in the cafeteria, visually and physically separated from the rest of them.
Alex dragged his finger across the rim of the mid tom of the drum kit, then the ride cymbal, noticing a bit of dust cake up on his finger. He brought his fingers together and rubbed the dust off.
"Sorry. We haven't had someone break those in yet." Luke smiled sheepishly as he lifted his electric guitar off his back in order to plug it into a nearby amp.
"No, it's okay. I'm not, like, judging or anything. Actually, these are pretty nice. Where'd you find these?" Alex lowered himself onto the drum throne and plucked his sticks from the front pocket of his jeans.
"I got a crazy good deal at the thrift shop near the pier. I know you probably have drums of your own, but I wanted to make this space as inviting as possible for musical genius, so, impress me, Alex."
Alex tilted his head. "You know my name?"
"Your sticks? And we're in a few classes together." Luke pointed to Alex's name written at the end of the drumsticks in sharpie.
"Oh!" Alex exclaimed with a smile on his face.
"By the way, this is—”
"Bobby." Bobby shrugged off his black guitar and plugged it into another amp on the opposite side of Luke.
"And I'm Luke." He held his fist out for Alex to bump. "Let's rock?"
Alex returned the fist bump. A bigger smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
Luke had instructed Alex to improvise if any of his sheet music didn't make sense. He was used to writing the note letters because he was a guitarist, but writing sheet music for a drummer was way different. That didn't stop him from trying, though, as scrawly as his handwriting was. It charmed Alex to know that what Luke lacked in academic intelligence, he made up for in music. He was completely self taught, and made a vow with himself that he needed to expand on his skills every day, even if he didn't get to physically play the guitar.
Bobby was the first to leave rehearsal. Alex was sure that it had something to do with him, but Luke reassured him that Bobby would need to get over whatever reservations he was having with Alex.
With Bobby gone, that left Luke and Alex to hang out by themselves. Alex couldn't help but think about how angry his parents would be. It was weird. He couldn't have too many guy friends because then he was distracted from school. He couldn't have too little guy friends because then that must mean he was secretly indulging in his Satanic temptations. Girl friends that weren't girlfriends were out of the question. It was never enough for them to support Alex in whatever he wanted to do or what kind of person he wanted to be. If he wasn't a splitting image of them, then he might as well be worth nothing to the Mercer bloodline. Fine. If he was worth nothing to them, then maybe he would make himself worth something to someone else. Maybe he was already worth something.
"How do you manage to afford all of this? The instruments, the space, life?" Alex sat beside Luke on the couch, dunking the end of a pizza slice in a cup of ranch. Luke ordered that, too, and even though Alex was persistent about paying at least half, he wouldn't allow it.
"It's tough. I get some allowance from my parents when I do my chores, then I also work at Millie's when I can pick up shifts. My parents aren't the biggest fan of me basically throwing away my paychecks in the name of rock n' roll, but I've always wanted to be in a band. I want to make it as a musician. Sold out shows, tours, agents, merch. All of it. Even if I have nothing, music will always be there. So, the way I see it? Settling isn't an option. Quitting is out of the question. You're either all in or not at all."
Alex took a moment to digest everything. He suddenly felt bad about assuming he was completely dimwitted. He might not know the first thing about his academics, but his dedication was nothing short of admirable when it came to music. Alex wished that he could have that kind of ambition.
"How does that rockstar attitude go over with your parents?"
Luke threw his body back into the couch with a loud sigh. "We butt heads a lot because of my grades. They think I should be focusing more on school, and I probably should be, but I can't help it. School's boring. Music speaks to me."
Alex placed his unfinished slice of pizza off to the side in the box and swiped his hands together to rid his fingers and palms of any crumbs. "I have a deal for you."
"I don't think you're in any position to be making demands, Alex."
"Shut up. Listen." They both had a brief laughing bout. "I have a 4.0 GPA. I'll be in your band, but you have to actually try in school. I'll tutor you. I'll help you with whatever you need, but in order to keep this band together, you have to try. Deal?"
Luke sat in silence for a second. Alex began to overthink. What the hell came over him to offer something like this? He's never tutored anyone before, let alone the guy he has a crush on.
Luke surged forward and squeezed Alex in a tight embrace. "You are a godsend, Alex! The man upstairs has brought me an angel! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Alex's cheeks turned pink. "It's nothing, really—"
Luke used both of his hands to grab Alex's face and smooch his lips with a loud smack.
Alex's head spun. He felt this guilty pang in his heart, but tried his best to ignore it. Luke's enthusiasm was enough to pull him out of his thoughts.
Alex felt like it would be that way for the foreseeable future.