Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

She saw him walking up beside her and her heart started fluttering. She would not bother him. He wasn’t on a schedule. He was just a person enjoying the art, just like she was. She would not be one of those fans. But holy hell, was he gorgeous. Just keep looking ahead. She chanted it in her head like that would stop her, but like it was happening in slow motion, she felt her head turn until she was staring at his beautiful face. He wasn’t wearing makeup or contacts today. It was just him.

“안녕하세요, Hyunjin-sii” She dipped her head in what was hopefully a polite greeting and turned her head away, trying to not let herself freak out. He’s literally just a man. What the hell is wrong with me? She kept her face as neutral as possible. If he looked up, she didn’t want to be grinning like an idiot.

“안녕하세요 누나, 저 아세요?” Crap, she should have just said hi in English. She had no idea what he was saying. Now she has to admit that she doesn’t know Korean. She met those warm, expressive eyes and bowed a little again.

“죄송하지만, 한국어 잘 못해요. Sorry, I wish I did. I’m studying.” She had practiced the line over and over. She didn’t want to disappoint them if she ever got the chance to talk to one of them, but Korean was a difficult language to learn.

“Ah, it’s okay, you did well. Do you know Stray Kids?” His whole face lit up with his smile. His eyes wouldn’t leave her face, and she could feel the heat rising up.

“Yes! I love you guys. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world.” She wouldn’t fangirl. She would not fan girl. Just be polite and let him move on with his day.

“You’re welcome. Are you just the group’s fan, or are you my fan?” His smirk was disarming. A small chuckle bubbled up. Of course he would ask that.

“How could I be a fan of the group and not be your fan?” His face fell a little, and she wished she hadn’t tried to tease him. She could have just said she was his fan.

“There are some who feel that way.” She pulled her bag around to his side so he could see the pins. Leebit, Han Quokka, and Jiniret. Along with the Stray Kids everywhere all around the world pin, she never took off.

“Of course I’m your fan, Hyunjie. And anyone who isn’t is silly.” Why was she speaking to him so informally, like he was a child who needed comforting? But his sad face made her want to reassure him. “Now, enough of that. Enjoy the exhibit.”

“Do you want to walk with me?” YES! ABSOLUTELY! OF FREAKING COURSE! Nope, nope, shush, brain.

“Sure, I can if you’d like.” They stepped away from the landscape painting to one of dancers by a river.

“Do you enjoy art?” She could feel his eyes on her, but she kept hers firmly on the painting ahead of them. She let it fill her up, following the brushstrokes, taking in the blurred faces, the angles and arches of the dancers’ bodies.

“Hmmm?” She tore her eyes away from the painting, letting them meet his. He just stared deep into her eyes for a minute, and she could feel a blush trying to stain her cheeks. His question finally registered. “Yes, I love art. There’s so much feeling in it. And the skill to make something like this. I admire artists greatly.” She gave him a little smile and turned back to the painting. He was going to ruin her today. Maybe she should excuse herself.

“Me too.” His voice was tiny. She dared a peek at him to find him staring wide eyed at the painting. Eyes following along the brushstrokes just as hers had a few minutes ago. She rejoined him in admiring the artwork. After another moment, he gently tugged her sleeve along to the next painting. She followed easily. They spent quite a while moving from work to work in amicable silence. She would occasionally let herself steal a glance at him and would feel his eyes on her, but they mostly took in the art. When they reached the end of the gallery, she bolstered herself up to say goodbye and to thank him for spending time with her.

“Would you–”

“Hyunj-” They started talking over‌ each other. She giggled a little, but nodded for him to go ahead.

“Would you join me for lunch?” The shock must have shown on her face because he quickly added, “If you’re comfortable with that. And if you have time. I would love to treat you to something.”

“Wouldn’t that be bad for you if someone saw us together?” She would love to go, but she didn’t want anything to happen to him.

“Eh, a dating rumor might actually help me right now.” He laughed a bold laugh, and people around them turned to look, then started whispering together. Her heart started racing. He didn’t deserve to be whispered about. “But it’s up to you Noona, I won’t force you.” His dark eyes met hers again.

“Do I look old enough to instantly know I’m a noona?”

“No, you don’t look old. You seem wise.”

“I’m wise?” It was her turn to laugh too loud, his eyes scrunched with his own wide grin. “You know what, sure Hyunjie, I'd love to have lunch with you.” He offered her his arm and guided them away from the building toward a little cafe across the street.

“I wouldn’t worry too much on my behalf, anyway. Most people do not recognize me.”

“That seems unlikely. You’ve had major billboard ads with your face on them all over the US.” He smiled and huffed as they took their seats. She tucked her legs under the bottom of her chair to leave room as he stretched his much longer ones out. Do not stare at his body. He is a human being. He’d be offended. She kept her eyes glued to the menu. The prices were significantly higher than she’d expected. She definitely couldn’t afford this place. It’d take her whole budget. Crap. The waitress came and took their drink order. She just asked for water.

“You don’t want a coffee or anything?” Hyunjin’s voice was gentle, like he was concerned she didn’t want to chug caffeine.

“Oh- um… no, I don’t drink coffee. And…” she let it trail off. She did not want to admit to Mr. International Rockstar that she was a broke, struggling author.

“And?” His hand skimmed the top of hers, and she stared at it. Goddess, this man. He would make her actually fall for him if he kept this crap up.

“And this place is a little above my budget. I don’t know if you know this, but my favorite band is having a concert tomorrow night, and I need to keep my money for merch and snacks there.” She laughed, hoping the sass would steer the conversation in a new direction. His hand fully took hers and squeezed. She looked at it. What was he doing to her? He was way too flirty for a man who was going to leave and forget she existed.

“I am paying. And I’m just realizing you never told me your name.” She pulled her hand away a few inches. She did not need to feel these things about a K-pop idol.

“You don’t have to do that. I can pay for myself.” He took her hand again, not giving her the option to pull away.

“You won’t, though. Name princess.” He winked at her but never looked away, waiting for her answer.

“Ah- yeah, sorry, I’m Y/N.” An odd combination of emotions flowed over his face, but it settled into an almost loving smile. Shit, she was so far gone.

“Well, Y/N-noona, choose whatever you’d like, but if it’s too cheap, I’ll add something else for you.” Fuck, he said her name. It was even worse than the Y/N feature on Bubble.

“Fine.” She would not pout. She could act like a freaking adult. Why the hell did this man affect her so easily?

“Thank you, princess.” The laugh in his voice pissed her off, but more than that, she felt sad for him. Did he think he had to flirt to keep her interested? She just wanted to know him better.

“You don’t have to do that. I’m a fan, but you don’t need to flirt with me.”

“But I like to? You don’t want to be my princess?” His look seemed genuine, but she couldn’t shake the feeling.

“I’m no one’s princess. And do you? Really? This has always seemed like part of the performance to me.” She looked him straight in the eye. His smile had fallen off again. Shit.

“I mean, I know you love your fans. No one questions that. But the whole flirty STAY killer seems like a persona.” He didn’t answer, and the urge to fill the awkwardness between them surged in her. She clamped her mouth shut before she could offend him any more. Her damn mouth always got her in trouble.

The waitress came and took their order. You could tell even she could feel the awkwardness between them. Y/N ordered a sandwich that wasn’t super cheap but was still less expensive than Hyunjin’s order. Once the waitress left, she was feeling really uncomfortable and was ready to apologize and leave. Nothing like making your favorite artist hate you in the span of a few minutes.

“Why do you like me?” The question threw her off guard. She thought he was getting angry with her. But this didn’t fit into that line of thinking.

“Oh, um…. No, sorry, that’s a bit too embarrassing to say out-loud.” The heat was already rising in her face. She did not want to spill her heart in a cafe to a man she didn’t know.

“Please tell me.” His eyes were wide and searching hers. She knew what it was like to need validation. She could do that for him. After all, she loved him, even if that was irrational.

“Alright. Um, you’re sweet and kind and a goofball that makes us laugh.” She huffed a small embarrassed laugh. “But also you can see the care you have for your members and how much love you have to give and how deeply you feel everything. And I think there are tons of people around the world who are just as deeply feeling as you are and it’s really important that there be people in the world who are brave enough to share those sometimes irrationally deep feelings so that others know they’re not alone and can find solace in that. So I think it’s really admirable how much you share of your genuine self. Even if that has to be hard, especially when people misunderstand or misinterpret it. And uh, hey are you okay?” It was her turn to reach across the table and take his hand. His eyes had turned glossy as she spoke, and she hoped she hadn’t upset him.

“Sorry, I tend to ramble. I just think you’re a genuinely good person. And extremely talented. And the fact that you taught yourself most of that talent is amazing. I didn’t mean to say anything offensive.” His hand turned under hers, and suddenly he pressed her fingers to his mouth. The tiny kiss sent heat raging all through her body.

“The love I have for STAY isn’t an act.” He started to pull his hand away, but in a mad fit of bravery, she held on to it. He looked at it curiously for a second before meeting her eyes again.

“Oh no, Hyunjie, I know. I didn’t mean it like that. Everyone knows you adore your fans. I meant the flirting specifically. It just seems exaggerated. Not that you couldn’t like the people. Or that you don’t love them. Just that you can’t possibly want all of them romantically. And that specifically seems like a performance to keep the fans involved and chasing after something they can't have. Because lust sells.” What the hell was she even saying? She’d turned into a babbling idiot.

“Lust?” Her face had to be brilliant red.

“Uhhh sex? Longing?”

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make you blush again.” He tilted his head to the side and grinned that signature grin of his. And she rolled her eyes at him.

“You’re mean. I thought you didn’t know.” His finger rubbed along her hand, and she realized she was still holding it captive. She let go, but he didn’t, instead curling their fingers back together.

“I like to flirt. It’s not completely a performance. I love love. And I’m a hopeless romantic. But I definitely exaggerate, so I can see how it seems fake. I hope STAY knows I love them.” And they couldn’t help but love him. How could he question that?

“Considering you drunk called us and said I love you in like ten languages last summer, I think they’ve got the idea.” His laughter filled the space around them again and made her smile.

“I wasn’t drunk. I was just feeling good.” His killer smirk made a reappearance.

“Sure makes total sense.” She would not fall victim to his flirting. She would stay strong.

“I had just figured out how to use voice notes.” She rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“Yep, and instantly leaving a million messages for your fans in the middle of the night was the only rational thing to do.”

“It made STAY happy.”

“It made us very happy. And delusional. Luckily, our favorite idol is more parasocial than we are.” His face fell again. Fuck. Why was she so good at doing that?

“Oh, no, Hyunjie. I was teasing. I don’t like ruining your fun.”

“Why do you think STAY like me? Are they like you or…. Or is it another reason?” He looked so vulnerable. Like her answer could completely crush him.

“You mean is it because of your ethereal beauty? I’m sure there are fans who are only here for that. You guys have millions of fans. We won’t all be here for the same reasons. But the vast majority are here for you. Your art, your music, your love, and personality. You are so much more than a visual to most of us.” He stared deep into her eyes for a few minutes. When he finally opened his mouth, his phone suddenly shouted the lyrics to HeyDay at them. She nearly fell out of her chair, and the few other patrons turned to look their way. Hyunjin fumbled with the phone until he got the ringer to stop. Then he apologized and stood and bowed to everyone in the shop.

“Sorry, that's Chan-hyung. I have to return this. I’ll be right back, okay?” She nodded, and he bolted for the door. The waitress came back with their food and raised an eyebrow at her.

“That’s a very attractive date you’ve got there, sugar. Hope it works out for you.”

“Oh. No… he’s not… we’re just.. Thanks.” The waitress just winked and walked away. How do you explain to someone that your idol saw you at a museum and took you out for lunch? No one was going to believe that. This kind of thing didn’t happen. It felt like a cheap melodrama, and she was the swoony female lead. But it’s fine, she didn’t think he liked her like that. She was not so delusional as to think this was anything other than an artist trying to get to know his fan. And maybe get some validation against his fears. Yeah, that’s all it was. He wouldn’t remember her after this. Just shove all of that weirdness down and be a friendly fan for him. She took a massive bite of the sandwich he’d got her. She wouldn’t let herself get out of control here. And for gods’ sakes she would not touch him again. What was wrong with her?! His hands were so soft though. She could imagine all sorts of things. But she wouldn’t. Even though the food in her mouth wasn’t chewed enough, she took another huge bite. Maybe she could choke down her feelings if she focused on this. Stupid emotional heart. Latching onto things that aren’t real. She felt the breeze from the door opening behind her and Hyunjin’s voice at the counter. She hurried to clear her mouth. That would be attractive to come back and see her with half of her sandwich shoved in her face. Before she could swallow all of it, she felt his hand on her shoulder. He squatted down beside her chair to speak to her.

“Y/N-noona, I’m sorry I have to go. Chan needs me to come back now. I already paid, so please try to enjoy it.” She struggled to swallow so that she could speak. The sandwich wouldn’t go down, and she had to swipe up her water and take a gulp to clear her throat. He was grinning at her again in that teasing way of his.

“Sorry.” She gasped for a breath. “Sorry, yeah, of course. It was so nice to meet you, and I can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow. And thank you for this. It was really exceptionally sweet of you. Please take care of yourself, okay? And remember why we love you, alright?” She kept her hands firmly in her lap so she wouldn’t reach out and touch him, but he used his free hand to scoop one up and press it to his lips again.

“Thank you, I won’t forget.” He squeezed her hand one more time and then strode back out the door. And he was gone. She wanted to immediately get out her phone and text her group chats, but who was going to believe that. Maybe she’d just tell them about the museum part. That happened fairly often. Hyunjie was known to haunt museums. She sent an excited message to each group and waited. She finished her sandwich and a few bites of the fancy meal he hadn’t touched, trying to commit all of it to memory. She’d really met Hyunjin. They’d talked. He’d kissed her hand. She’d accused him of being fake. Why had she done that? That wasn’t in her plans. Would he remember the good parts? Or would she forever be the STAY who hurt his feelings? Gods, she was so stupid.

The ding of a message pulled her out of it. Her friends started blowing up the chats asking for all the details. She laughed because they were reacting the same way she had. Thanks to all things holy for these women making her feel less crazy than she was. She was lost in her phone when the waitress reappeared and started clearing the plates. She sat down a receipt and Y/N panicked for a second. Hadn’t he paid? She picked it up and scanned it. The tip and the total were calculated and PAID was at the bottom. Thank god. She put it back down to respond to her chat about what he’d been wearing when she noticed the scrawled massage on the back. It was barely legible.

Thank you for a good morning. I really liked it. Call or text sometime, ok? <3 Hyunjin x-xxx-xxxx

WHAT. THE. FUCK?! There was no way that was real. Or happening. She couldn’t just casually message Hyunjie. Nope. But she just sat there, staring at the receipt. Her phone kept going off, but she couldn’t think of anything other than the number on that receipt. She folded it neatly and tucked it into her pocket. She left the cafe and wandered the streets. Her brain was working overtime to think of the most rational steps forward. She couldn’t act on emotion here, or she would have texted him instantly. But would her too loving heart be able to be rational about him if they were actually talking? No, she’d definitely cross over into full-blown delusion if she was talking to him casually like that. But he wanted her to? And how many friends did he actually get to have. Was that something they regulated? Was he allowed to just make friends with someone he clicked with? How crappy would it be to deny him another friend? And the irrational thoughts were back. Her phone hadn’t stopped buzzing, so she took it out to assure her friends she was still alive. Hyunjin had a new post. She clicked it so fast she could have broken her phone.

Pictures of the museum came to life on the screen. In the lower right-hand corner of several of them, you could see the light blue sleeve of the same top she wore right now. Not her face or anything incriminating. But enough that the crazy fans would notice. And assume he was there with someone. She stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk and yanked the hoodie she had rolled up in her bag out and onto her body. Better she was recognized as a STAY from the bright pink LeeBit hoodie than someone put two and two together and placed her at that museum. She needed to read the caption. A bench nearby offered a secluded area to open her phone again. She had way too many notifications. But she went back to the post to translate the caption.

Beauty is the air we breathe, and today my lungs are full. Thank you for what you taught me. I won’t ever forget.

Okay, that was not for her. That was for the art. He was an artist. The art taught him about beauty. That was all. She liked it, then unliked it. He knew her name now. Would he watch out for her to interact? She switched to Threads. All of her chats were blown up.

Y/N: Sorry, I’m not really here. Just trying to process and not be delulu. I’ll check in later, I promise. I love you guys. 💜

She shoved her phone back into her pocket. It immediately buzzed a thousand times. She needed to touch grass. Her self depreciating laugh sounded strangled. Was she having a panic attack? This was surreal. Maybe a nap. Yeah, she’d go back to the hotel and take a nap that would help.

She’d laid in bed for an hour. Yeah, a nap wasn’t happening. Fuck it all. She got up and typed the number into her phone. Staring at the text box, she couldn’t think of a single thing that would be safe to say.

하이하이

Fuck. That was stupid. She screeched and threw her phone across the room. Her arms felt like electricity was pumping through them, and her heartbeat was so loud she could hear it. He wouldn’t respond. At least for a while. That’s how guys were. So she’d be fine. Just ignore the phone and put on a show. Her phone immediately started buzzing on the floor by the heater. Nope, nope, nope. Not gonna check that. It’s just the group chats. It is most definitely not Hyunjin immediately texting her back, like he was waiting for her. Nope. She needed a very, very strong drink. Luckily, she thought of that and at least had wine in her mini fridge. She filled one of the plastic cups to the brim and chugged it, then refilled it. She was a lightweight these days. Two glasses should take the edge off. She brought the bottle with her just in case. She curled into herself on the chair by the window, looking out into the city. The dark night and sparkly city lights were actually a nice view. Okay, she could do this. She clicked on her phone and tapped the messages with no name.

H: Hi! Y/N?

H: Is this you?

H: I assume so because I don’t give my number out often.

H: And the number is weird.

H: Sorry I had to leave today.

H: I hope you won’t think bad of me because of it.

H: Thanks for hanging out with me.

H: It really made my day.

H: …

The ellipses kept vanishing and reappearing. She should reply. It would be rude to ignore him. He seemed so excited sending eight back-to-back messages.

Y/N: Of course I won’t hold it against you. Duty calls and all that. Thanks for lunch.

H: You’re welcome. I hope it was good. I was starving when I got back to the hotel. I should have brought mine with me.

Y/N: Yours was good too lol

H: You ate my food?!

Y/N: Yeah it’s not like you were coming back for it. But only a few bites.

H: I like a woman with an appetite.

What the hell, Hyunjie. She was going to go insane. This was a terrible idea. She gulped down the rest of the second glass and poured the last of the bottle into her cup. This should just be light and casual. Why was he flirting?

Y/N: You’re a hopeless flirt.

H: Am I? Is it hopeless?

Her heart thudded softly. Was she not the only one who was delusional? They couldn’t be anything. She lived here, and he lived in Korea. Oh, and he’s a freaking international superstar that could have anyone in the world. Right. Right. She was just crazy and reading too far into things.

H: lol you’re fun to tease. Are you blushing?
H: Channie-hyung asked who I’m texting. He says my face is evil lol
H: Want a sneak peek at the stage?

A picture from the back of the other 7 came through. Oh, so he was just teasing her to get a rise out of her? Well, two could play at that game.

Y/N: I’d rather see you

H: ….
H: Okay princess

A sweat covered shirtless Hyunjin, tongue out, and all came across her screen. Fuck. Nope, two could not play at that game.

H: Your turn I want a pic for your number.

Fuck. Nope. She looked like crap and hadn’t showered yet. She’d just put on an oversized tee to sleep in and fallen into the bed.

H: don’t if you don’t want to though.

H: And don’t worry about looking perfect. Just send whatever.

Fine, if that’s what he wanted. She pulled her hair out of the mussy bun she’d wrapped it into. Moved the phone way above her face and tilted her chin up, tongue out. Click, send, and don’t look at it. He’d probably think she looked gross. She was not the prettiest person in the world. And he had definitely seen tons of beautiful women. STAY were gorgeous. Ellipsis appeared again. It felt like an eternity before a message came through.

H: You’re cute. Is it okay to keep that?

Y/N: obviously or I wouldn’t have sent it.

H: ok thanks princess. I have to finish rehearsing. Talk soon

She was fine. Completely fine. This did not immediately get out of hand. She could handle casual flirting with one of the most famous people in the world. Yep. It was fine. Gwenchana Gwenchana. A shower. A nice, ice-cold shower would help snap her out of this nonsense. And food.

The freaking picture he’d sent would not leave her alone. She could still remember the soft touch of his hand on hers at lunch. She was way too feral for this. Would he be disgusted if he knew what she was thinking about? She didn’t even know him. When she got out, she spent some time responding to her friends. But she didn’t tell them about this. She gave a detailed update about the museum and her afternoon calming down with a walk and a nap. And crashed out about the concert being tomorrow. Pushing the idea that the man she was texting would be on that stage performing for thousands of fans. There it is. She is just one of the thousands of people who love him. She wasn’t special. This would pass too quickly. So she should just enjoy it while it lasted.

She went out and found a dumpling spot. A small chuckle about how much she liked to eat dumplings escaped her as she ordered. The cashier looked at her a little odd, but moved on quickly. It’d been a couple of hours now, and she didn’t feel nearly as weird about it. He just wanted to connect with a fan. She could do that. And keep it quiet. So he could enjoy it too. And she wouldn’t get attacked by sasaengs. All of Threads was in a meltdown about his museum post. And as she suspected, someone did latch onto the idea that he was with someone, but to her good fortune they thought the blue meant it was Felix. And that was perfect because he probably was WITH Felix.

She ate way too many dumplings and decided to take herself to the botanical gardens to walk it off. Funny, normally she’d be taking pictures of the flowers to post on FANs for Hyunjin. Now she could just send them to him. She snapped a few close-ups of the most unique ones, and one especially curly queued fern, and hesitated for a few seconds before sending them over.

Y/N: Thought you’d enjoy these. Hopefully you can relax soon.

She waited a few more seconds before sending the one that mattered to her. The trillium had been in all its glory, and she had sat with it for several minutes before moving on.

Y/N: This one is my favorite. It’s kinda unique. Thought maybe it’d be fun to paint.

He didn’t respond, but that was ok. It was a lot easier to talk to the void. Her phone buzzed, and she rolled her eyes at herself for how quickly she yanked it out. But it was just her friend. They wanted to meet up before the concert. Their seats weren’t together, but she wanted to have lunch and hang out before the show. Y/N felt bad for not being more excited. She WAS excited! This was going to be so much fun. STAY always brought the energy she needed to feel like herself. And SKZ was everything. They were an amazing band, and their stage presence was thrilling. But now Hyunjin was real. And she had to think about him differently. No more fantasies. Just let him be a real person and appreciate him for who he actually is. And that made it a little weird.

He didn’t respond until that night.

H: Sorry princess, it was a long day. Are you still awake?

Y/N: Hyunjie don’t call me princess okay?

H: Can I call you something else then?

Y/N: That depends on what you’ve come up with,

H: Noona? Darling? Sweetheart? Babe?

Y/N: How about Y/N?

H: Lover?

Y/N: Bad Boy.

H: …

H: …

H: I may like that.

Y/N: Nope. Hwang Hyunjin.

H: Ew. Disgusting. I liked Hyunjie better. That’s a new one. It’s usually Hyunnie or Jinnie.

Y/N: I like Hyunjie too. It’s late, shouldn't you be sleeping? You have a big show tomorrow.

H: What are nicknames that are ok? I can’t sleep, this pretty girl sent me a bunch of pictures of flowers. I have to look at all of them.

Y/N: Did you enjoy them? I don’t know, you have to choose it.

H: Okay let me think.

H: What about 리리? It sounds like Riri? Is that okay? Oh or wait I like Lomang too 로망. Are those okay?

Y/N: Sure I like Riri. What is Lomang? Is that a word?

H: Will you let me call you it if I tell you?

Y/N: You know I can just look it up right?

H: It means dream or sometimes romance. I’ve used it in some lyrics before to mean perfect romance. But it also goes with your name. Please can I use it noona?

Y/N: If it means that much to you then I suppose. Just only once in a while. You never answered my question about the flowers?

H: I just finished looking at them 리리. Someone keeps interrupting me.

H: They’re very good. You have a talent for photography.

H: …

H: …

H: I promise to paint them one day.

Y/N: You don’t have to promise that. Only do it if you want to. I just like taking pictures. It’s a hobby I picked up again because of you. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen them, but I often make posts on FANs for you about them.

H: I’ll paint the Trillium for you at least.

H: …

H: …

H: I knew it was you. Your name is too unique. And I remembered the flower. I wanted to ask at lunch but felt too embarrassed. I’m glad I found you out in the world 리리.

Y/N: Knew what was me?

Y/N: I’m glad you found me too though. This is very surreal but I am really enjoying your company.

H: One sec I’ll show you one I get out of the shower.

Y/N: You’re texting me in the shower?

H: Yeah, wanna see?

Y/N: Absolutely not. Hyunjie you keep your naked self to yourself or whoever you’re with.

H: You don’t want to see me? Do you think I’m ugly?

Y/N: You’re gonna make me pull out the full name again….

Y/N: You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve seen with my own eyeballs.

H: Aw look who’s flirting now.

Y/N: Not flirting just stating facts. Let me know when you’re out and clothed then we can talk again.

H: 😭 리리 don’t leave me already.

She ignored the message and got herself ready for bed. He could handle being ignored for a little. She did not need to think about him texting in the shower. She was back in the chair by the hotel window, looking out across the city when his next message dinged in. Her notifications showed it was an image. Just like when Chan bubbled, she instantly got annoyed. It was a picture of him in a tee shirt and loose shorts.

H: All dressed now 리리 come back 🖤

Y/N: I would have been so mad if that was a nude.

H: I would never. I have something else to show you, though.

Three pictures came through. His wallet. A paper origami heart. And a letter. Her letter. That she had written as a new STAY. What had started as a four-page letter had been chiseled down over and over again until all the extreme details were gone, leaving that same one-page letter with the trillium and sunflower doodles. He had it. He’d read it. He kept it in his wallet. He kept it with him.

H: I knew it was you. This is you.

She didn’t respond. He kept her fan letter with him. He’d recognized her name and knew that the person he was talking to was the same fan. She didn’t know if she should feel embarrassed or ecstatic that she made that kind of impact on him.

H: …

H:...

H: 리리?

H: Are you still there?

H:This was you wasn’t it? There’s not another Y/N out in the world who’s favorite flower is the trillium?

She could barely breathe. He kept her letter. It all seemed fake. Maybe this was just one of her hyperrealistic dreams, and she’d wake up tomorrow heartbroken. This couldn’t be real.

Y/N: Yes. It was from me.

H:...

H:...

H:... Did I upset you?

Did he upset her? Tears welled up in her eyes. No one had paid her a second glance in her entire life. She was always second, if not third or fourth, best. And here was the most gorgeous man, the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful man holding onto her letter. Choosing to interact with her. Wondering if he hurt her feelings. Tears poured down her face.

Y/N: No, of course not. Thank you for keeping my letter that’s very sweet.

H: Oh good because I had no idea how and was very confused. Of course I kept it. You said some very encouraging and thoughtful things about my art and music. It has helped me a lot. Especially when I get comments that people only like me for my looks.

H:...

H:...

H: Chan says I need to go to bed. He just made rounds and told me he shouldn’t have to parent a 27 year old.

She laughed through the ridiculous tears. Of course, Channie did that.

Y/N: He wouldn’t have to if he didn’t always act like your Dad 😂

H: 😂 😂 😂 You’re hilarious but I like being alive so I won’t say that.

She was trying to be normal. There’s no way he could understand how much that meant to her. Jokes and aloofness were her best bet.

Y/N: He would never hurt you, you’re his favorite.

H: 😂 Seungmin is his favorite. Or Lix.

Y/N: If you say so.

Y/N: Now off to bed with you Hyunjie. Dad says you need your sleep.

H: Goodnight 리리. Promise you’ll dream of me?

Y/N: Hyunjin go to bed.

H: lol okay goodnight 로망

Y/N: Goodnight Hyunjie, rest well. I can’t wait for the show tomorrow.

H: 😘

Y/N: 🙄

H: 💔

Y/N: 🫂

H: 🥰

Y/N: 🌛💤🛌

H: 🌜

She lay there for hours rereading the texts. There was no way this was real. How was he so genuine? How was he so sweet and thoughtful? She was going to fall head or heels for this man and he was just being friendly. Just being kind to a fan. And he was going to leave for the rest of his tour tomorrow and forget about her. She cried herself to sleep, doing her best to rationalize his actions as friendly.

…

Her alarm sounded way too early the next morning. She slumped out of bed and went through her morning routine, registering nothing from the day before. Caffeine was the only thing that could make her brain less foggy. She went to the hotel's vending machine and bought an energy drink before trudging downstairs for breakfast. The energy drink didn’t touch her extremely sleep deprived brain. Driving the 10 hours to the city overnight two nights ago had left her quite lacking. And then, last night. The fork she held froze on its way to her mouth before clattering back to the plate. Last night. That had to be a dream. There is no logical explanation for it. But there they were. All the texts, the pictures. Her letter. All there. Blaring the evidence in the blinding brightness of her phone’s screen. Hyunjin. Fuck. She exited the messaging app and pulled up threads. People were already lined up for the concert, and apparently Lee Know had done a short live on FANs this morning to hype people up. Felix was bubbling. Seungmin posted very similar pictures to the ones she had received last night on Instagram, and they had posted reels on both TikTok and Instagram. But no Hyunjin. Or Chan, Hannie, or Binnie, but they didn’t always check in before an event. Hyunjin usually did. She responded to her friends, trying to sound as excited for the concert as she usually would. She promised to hydrate and take some pictures. And then she noticed an email notification from Ticketmaster.

Oh, no. That’s all she needed right now was for something crazy to happen with her ticket. GovBall all over again. She still had anxiety from having to deal with the Box Office.

The headline of the email immediately quieted those fears and birthed brand new ones.

MS. Y/N ACCOUNT #4567765
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Your VIP ticket has been successfully upgraded to PIT VIP ALL ACCESS.

Upon your arrival at the venue, please proceed to the priority entry line and follow the signage to your indoor waiting lounge. We appreciate your patronage….

What? She hadn’t upgraded anything. And what the hell was PIT VIP ALL ACCESS. That wasn’t even an option when she tried to win the ticket wars and get a PIT ticket. Her best friend had gotten one while she was unfortunate enough to be sent back to only VIP. She didn’t miss a beat in messaging Olivia and freaking out. Her friend was already on the way to her hotel so they could get ready together and head out to lunch before joining the queue for the concert.

She scarfed down the rest of her breakfast in her true unladylike fashion and bolted back to her room. This was insane. Had he given her an upgraded ticket? Could he do that? How? How did he even know what type of ticket she had? How? And why?

Olivia arrived just in time to catch Y/N in full panic mode. Luckily, her friend had talked her down from the precipice of terror many times in the past.

“Okay, love, breathe. Big breaths. In the nose, out the mouth. Once we get you calm, we can talk everything out. Big breaths. Shut that incredible brain of yours down for a few minutes and only focus on that.”

Y/N couldn’t be more grateful for Olivia. She loved this woman more than she loved anyone else in the world. In a completely platonic way, she shouted at her overactive imagination. She was her soul friend. The one she could always rely on. But she felt so guilty. She couldn’t tell her about Hyunjin. Not yet anyway. Not until she had a chance to work this out for herself. But also to ask him about any legal parts of being his friend. Olivia wouldn’t tell anyone. She trusted her that much. But she didn’t want to cause anyone anymore stress than she needed to.

“Okay, love, you’ve been really quiet about all of this except for thanking me. Are you ready to tell me what happened?” Olivia was brushing and working Y/N’s hair into an intricate faux hawk for the concert. They were both chugging water and had taken an electrolyte packet every day this week to help prepare to be in the sun all day. Makeup was done. Now they just had to get dressed, eat, and then it would be time. She’d be seeing him up close and personal on that stage, and she was not ready at all.

“Yeah, sorry again. I was being completely irrational, and it was probably a combination of the lack of sleep and too much caffeine I’ve been drinking to handle the lack of sleep. They changed my ticket. I’m in PIT now, and when I saw the email, all the stress of last year and my tickets never coming and thinking I was going to miss the concert all came flooding back and I just spiraled. You have no idea how much I appreciate you being here. Otherwise, I’d probably be on the floor in full panic mode.” She chuckled at her friend and made a cutesy, appreciative face in the mirror. Olivia smooched the top of her head.

“I’m always here for you. You know that. Did you call and make sure it’s not a scam or something?” That was a completely fair point. This might actually be nothing. It could just be some hacker trying to screw stuff up. That actually made a lot more sense. A Hyunjin sized weight lifted off her shoulders, but she let her face fall.

“No! That didn’t even cross my mind?! I was too busy falling apart.” She laughed awkwardly at herself. “Can I get my phone while you finish?” Olivia handed it over her shoulder, and Y/N wasted no time calling the customer service number. But they assured her all was in order and her ticket was indeed upgraded to Pit. Y/N held her breath waiting for them to say the extra nonsense and give her little coverup away, but Olivia took her phone and started questioning them instead. They didn’t reveal who, but they informed both women that someone had paid to upgrade Y/N’s ticket. And that’s when everything went downhill.

“Oh! My! God! What if it was Hyunjin?! What if he like fell in love with you at that museum and now he wants you as close as possible? Oh my god, you’re getting the ultimate fangirl experience!!! Y/N?! Why aren’t you more excited?” She needed to learn how to hide her expressions better.

“But why would he do that? How would he even do that? He doesn’t know me? He only met me yesterday.” Doesn’t know her at all, hadn’t spent the morning together or the evening texting each other.

“Uh, love at first sight for your gorgeous ass, obviously!” She couldn’t help but smirk at that. Her friend was the best hypewoman.

“Olivia, you're a bigger hopeless romantic than I am.”

“I know, but if I had met Binnie, and he upgraded my ticket-” She gave a dramatic, love filled sigh.

“We don’t know it was Hyunjin.” She had to keep insisting. If she started agreeing, she might slip up. This had to be a secret. For his safety as much as her own.

“We do, and he loves you. If Bin had fallen in love enough to buy me an upgraded ticket, I’d be ecstatic and showing my appreciation any way possible. Now, how do you like your hair, love?” Y/N might honestly have preferred if it was Binnie. At least then she could pretend it was all about sexual attraction and not be falling in love with someone who didn’t actually know or likely care about her. She needed to get him out of her mind. She turned her head either way to inspect Olivia’s work.

“It’s perfect, just like I imagined it.” Olivia had pinned eight tiny SKZoo pins on each side of her head and manipulated her hair to make a star around each. It was so cool and Y/N was actually getting excited.

“You’re a miracle worker. I love you so much. And okay, IF Hyunjin bought me this ticket, I suppose I should just be grateful because now I get to hang out with you all night!” She let herself squeal. Time to put the situation with Hyunjie aside and just focus on having an amazing day.

They ate quickly and headed for the venue around 11 am. The concert didn’t start for hours, but the lines were already huge. They handed out keychain freebies and Olivia’s photo card holders out to as many STAY as they could, only keeping a few to exchange with whomever they ended up beside. STAY's energy seeped into Y/N, and she let go completely. This was her place. With these fans hyping each other up and getting ready to scream and dance to SKZ. And she had PIT!

They finally got to the front of the line, and Y/N was just going to stick with Olivia and head into the PIT but the man at security stopped them after she’d scanned her wristband.

“Ms. Y/N?” Shit. Maybe it had been a scam.

“Yes? Is something wrong?” Her heartbeat was immediately erratic.

“No, Ma’am, but you don’t need to enter here. Is this person your guest?” Olivia made huge eyes at her, but she just nodded.

“Ah yes, Olivia and I are together.”

“Alright ladies, your waiting lounge is right over here. Just follow those signs and it’s the only door at the end of the hallway. There are refreshments in there. Once the concert is about to start, you’ll be escorted to your section.”

“Oh, um- thank you.” Y/N made eyes at Olivia, but she just shooed her towards the hallway the security guard had pointed out.

“Ooooooh, you got upgraded, upgraded. And thank the Holy SKZ they’re letting you bring me?! This is crazy!!!!!” Olivia scream-whispered into her ear. Her friend was practically vibrating with excitement. But dread had settled in Y/N’s chest. How was she supposed to explain this away?

The room they went into was air-conditioned and had multiple seats and private restrooms off to the side. There was a security guard at the entrance and the exit across the room. The one closest to them scanned Y/N and Olivia’s wristbands, double checked that Olivia was Y/N’s guest, and then moved aside to let them enter. There were a few other people in the room, but she didn’t recognize any of them. Her phone buzzed in her pocket about ten minutes after they arrived. Olivia was busy helping herself to the fruit and meat tray, so Y/N snuck a quick peek.

H: They tell me you made it.

Y/N: Yes I made it. I assume this is your doing?

H: I have no idea what you’re talking about 리리 🖤

Y/N: Yes, you do Hyunjin. This is too much. My friend is already thinking it was you.

H: Are you angry? I thought you’d like it.

Y/N: No of course I’m not angry as with everything you do it’s very sweet. But too much. I can’t refuse it now though that’d be suspicious.

H:....

H:...

Y/N: I’m not mad. Thank you for the gift.

H: I just wanted you to have the best view possible.

“Who are you texting?” Olivia had made it back to her side, startling her enough to make her drop her phone. “Geeze girl, are you still that worked up?” As she picked up her phone, she swiped the texts to her cousin’s.

“Sorry, I thought you were still at the refreshment table. It’s just my cousin. She's been checking in to make sure I’m safe.” She showed her the message that had popped up while Hyunjin was texting, then she turned her phone back and replied to her cousin. Just in time to hide Hyunjin’s next text.

H: See you in there 리리 🖤

She put her phone away and popped a grape off Olivia’s plate into her mouth.

“Hey are you doing okay, love? I know you don’t handle change very easily. I’m sure they’d let us back into regular PIT if we asked.” Y/N wanted to tell her. She needed someone else to know. She couldn’t keep something this huge a secret even if Olivia was wrong and Hyunjin just wanted to be friends.

“I’m okay, it’s just-”

A group of women Y/N recognized flowed into the room cutting her off. It was the families. SKZ’s families. She was sitting in the same room as SKZ’s families. Hannah noticed them first. She gave them a confused smile and a wave and came over to the seat they were on.

“Hiii, you two are new? Are you local celebrities?” Olivia smacked Y/N so hard in the arm that the smack echoed into the room.

“Ah, no… um, hi, Hannah! It’s a huge honor to meet you in person. I’m not exactly sure why we’re here, but they said my pass was upgraded. So, um, here we are. I’m so sorry, we definitely don’t mean to intrude on your private time.” She was word vomiting and couldn’t stop as Jessica Bang walked up to them next with Lee Know’s mom on her arm and the other family members behind them.

“It’s alright, dear. If you were invited, you’re not intruding on anyone. Have you seen the boys before?” Of course, Jessica called them “the boys.” Like they were just a high school punk band practicing in someone's garage.

“Ah yes, we were both at the Governor's Ball last summer, but that was the only other time. Sorry if I seem a little star struck. I am usually a lot more cool headed than this. It's just been a very exciting morning. I’m Y/N, by the way. It’s very nice to meet all of you.” She and Olivia both rose and gave them a small bow. Olivia spoke up while she clung to Y/N’s arm,

“Yes, it’s such an honor to meet you all. I'm Olivia and Hannah, I am such a huge fan! I’ve listened to all your albums, and I saw you in concert at Salt Lake City for The Misunderstood World Tour in 2025. You were amazing. It was such a fun show!” Her friend gripped her arm too tightly, but she barely noticed.

“Aw, thanks for your support. It's always great to meet a fan.” Y/N heard their exchange. She really did and tried to nod and pay attention, but Mama Hwang had looked right at her when she mentioned her name and had not broken eye contact since. Did Hyunjin tell his mom? Did she know who she was? Y/N didn’t get a chance to say anything though, as the guard at the back called to them in both English and Korean, signaling it was time to go in.

The screens were already playing the anthem as they entered a barricaded section of the field. STAY were chanting all around her and her heart beat in time with their words. Olivia was literally jumping up and down next to her, yanking on her arm to make them keep pace with the security guard. Hannah stayed with them, but the other family members veered off to an exclusive balcony.

“You guys are gonna love this.” Hannah shouted at them over the crowd as they walked right up to an empty barricade with a few of the other guests that had been in the room. Before them, the massive screens flashed, and a video started. Y/N’s phone buzzed in her pocket, but she ignored it. She couldn’t even wish him good luck; her heart was in her throat. The video played, STAY screamed, and then they were there. Rising up out of the stage like the gods they were. Felix shouted:

“STAY ARE YOU READY?!” and the mood finally took her as she returned a yelled:

“LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!!” It didn’t matter if Hyunjin was potentially flirting with her. It didn’t matter that Mama Hwang might know and disapprove. All that mattered was her, Olivia, and SKZ having a great time. She didn’t look at him for the entire first song. Even as he danced across her vision multiple times, she refused to focus only on him. As Topline came to a close, she finally sought him out. And she couldn’t breathe. The combination of his makeup, the black and red leather outfit, and finding his eyes locked on her as he panted on stage would be enough to drive anyone mad.

“Oh my gods! Y/N, it was him! He’s looking right at you! Y/N! Oh… oh,” Olivia trailed off after noticing where Y/N was looking. But the moment couldn’t last forever. Hyunjin’s lips curled into that cocky grin he only ever wore on the stage, and he tore his gaze away from her. It was only a second. Chan was still talking, still greeting STAY. Olivia’s eyes were locked on hers, though.

“What didn’t you tell me?” She wasn’t angry. She was excited. “Y/N, does he actually like you? Was it him, do you know?” She couldn’t keep it in anymore, but she just pulled out her phone and opened his last text and showed it to Olivia without a word.

H: I prepared something special for you. Listen for it okay 리리? And try not to be jealous when I wear my STAY killer persona today 🖤

Olivia read the texts that were visible with wide eyes. STAY we still going crazy the show was moving on to the next song but all Y/N could think about was why he’d care if she were jealous. It was obvious teasing, right?

“Oh, Y/N. This is huge. No wonder you were freaking out. Thank you for trusting me with it. I can’t imagine how much is going on in your head. But I love you and this is wonderful, okay, love?”

Y/N just nodded. Olivia was taking it too deeply, right? Could she keep denying it if that was Olivia’s first reaction to just a few of the messages? Hannah’s eyes met hers over her friend’s shoulder, and she just gave her a small smile and a nod. Nope. Not dealing with this right now. She was a STAY first and foremost, and this was the time to enjoy this concert.

“We can talk about it later, okay? Let’s just enjoy the show, yeah?” Olivia squeezed her hand, and they both turned their attention back to the stage.

In true SKZ fashion, the show was intense. Banger after banger revving up the fans' energy until they were jumping and singing along with the songs. Hyunjin caught her eye a few times, but not any more often than the other members as they checked in with their actual VIP guests. When they left the stage for the first round of wardrobe changes and solos, Hannah drifted away from them, and Olivia just stared at Y/N as if waiting for her to break down, but Y/N was too wrapped up in the energy. She shut her eyes and consumed the feel of STAY. There was only one place in the world that felt like this. Even other concerts didn’t compare. Han and Lee Know returned to the stage first to sing their new duet. STAY around the stadium waved their lightsticks in time to the gentle, loving beat and as the song came to a close someone yelled out,

“WE LOVE YOU MINSUNG” and many STAY Y/N and Olivia included repeated the sentiment, cheering on the two assumed lovers. Hannie looked straight at the two of them and said a gentle ‘We love you too, STAY,’ quietly with a bow before they exited the stage together. Which was odd. They usually set up the next group and per the other concerts on this tour it should have been Hyunjin and I.N with their high energy duet. But I.N came out alone. He sang Hallucination and got the whole crowd revved up, probably crashing into several bias lines with those body rolls. Chan and Changbin came on next with a high paced rap, but Y/N could feel her attention drifting from the stage. Olivia screamed for Binnie as he danced right in front of them, and Y/N smiled at her friend, knowing that was the best part of her day. Binnie graced her with a wink and a point before dancing away. Then Seungmin and Felix took the stage with their heart jerking ballad. Y/N teared up at the song, and she and Olivia clung together, swaying to the music. It was so touching, and to feel the same emotion echoed by 60,000 hearts around you was overwhelming.

As they left the stage, it dawned on Y/N that Hyunjin still hadn’t taken the stage. The lights were down when he walked out. A single spotlight tracked him across the stage.

“STAY? My loves? I wrote this song after receiving a particularly inspiring bit of advice. We haven’t fully released it yet, but I wanted this performance to be special. I have seen you ask for this song many times, and it felt perfect for what I wanted to say today, so please enjoy it well. And sing along if you know the words.”

The stage went dark and Y/N’s stomach was in her throat; she wouldn’t have been able to speak if she wanted to, let alone sing. He was so beautiful in a loose, partially open sheer black renaissance style shirt that was speckled in rhinestones that glimmered as he danced in and out of the spotlight, disappearing and reappearing in her sight. He’d let all his hair down but tied it up with a ribbon during the first few moves of his song. And then that heart shattering voice began, and of course, she knew this song. A love song. For STAY. For appreciating him as he was. A thank you for loving him. She didn’t tear her eyes away from him for one second, even as Olivia jabbed her with her elbow. The final piano notes faded, but Hyunjin still spun on stage around and around, and Y/N’s heart soared with him. He was everything. He was perfect. His spin stopped. The warm spotlight settled on him, and his voice made everything else fade away:

“And I owe it all to you. To you. To you. I owe myself to you.”

The lights died, and STAY erupted. Y/N blinked out of her trance and finally looked at Olivia. Her friend smirked at her and nodded next to them to show Mama Hwang and Jessica had appeared at the barricade. And Mama Hwang’s gentle eyes were on her again. This time she also wore a small, knowing smile. Jessica waved her over, and Olivia pretty well shoved her over to the two women.

“Hello again, Y/N. Soonja would love to speak with you. Do you speak Korean at all, dear?” The thundering heartbeat returned. She shook her head and dipped it in respect.

“I’m sorry. I only know a handful of words and phrases confidently.”

“Thanks alright. That’s why I came along. Soonja?” Hyunjin’s mother was definitely where he got his beauty from. Her voice was also melodic as she spoke quickly to Jessica, all the while smiling softly at Y/N. Y/N began to relax. She was obviously a kind and gentle person.

“Soonja wished to confirm your name was Y/N?” Y/N nodded.

“Ne, jeoneun Y/N-imnida.” ‘I am, name’ was one of the few phrases she knew. Soonja’s eyes lit up at the response. She spoke in rapid-fire sentences again, and Jessica translated.

“She just wanted to let you know she knows who you are.” Jessica listened again, but stopping at that point was terror inducing. Who was she that Hyunjin’s mother knew her? But Jessica didn’t leave her waiting. She must have seen fear in Y/N’s eyes because she started translating after each sentence instead of waiting for it all.

“Hyunjin was in a bad space when he received your letter. He had been considering leaving the group for a while. Chan had pulled him back in, and the group kept him going, but he felt empty. He spoke on it often. He didn’t want to give up, but the job no longer gave him joy. English speakers call it burnout; we say 영혼이 가출했다, which means your soul has run away. Then he got a letter. A letter that spoke directly to his soul from a twin flame somewhere out in the world. One that was also struggling to go on. But was inspired by him and his lyrics and his artwork to keep pushing and refining her own art. She looked you up after she read your letter. She’s read your books and thinks you have an immense talent for whispering emotion into life. Just like you relit the fire inside Hyunjin. You could do that for millions with your stories. And she thinks you’re a fine young woman. All she asks is that you treat him gently.” Y/N couldn’t speak. This was all insane. How could she say anything to this woman who raised such a wonderful son?

“He’s wonderful. They are all wonderful. You’ve both done such an amazing job of raising them into inspiring, kind men. They help so many people all around the world, and we all know that we owe that to their parents. So thank you both. And Soonja, thank you for the incredibly kind words. They mean more to me than you know. Gamsahamnida. I will do my best to treat Hyunjin with kindness and rationality. I don’t know what it is he thinks is happening between us, but I would never want to hurt him.” As Jessica finished translating, Y/N bowed to them as low as she could. They both deserved the utmost respect, and she knew that. Soonja clasped Y/N’s hand in hers and squeezed it in a nearly identical gesture as Hyunjin had done the day before. The roar of the crowd let her know SKZ had returned to the stage. She could hear Chan and Felix hyping up the crowd again, but she could watch them in a minute. This was an important moment in her life.

“리리,” it was whispered into his mic and the sound electrified every nerve in her body. She wanted to keep talking, but she couldn’t resist turning to look at him when he was literally calling for her on a stage in front of thousands of fans. Their eyes met, and he raised an eyebrow at her before pulling his gaze away and joining in to hype up the crowd. They pushed right into God’s Menu and when she turned back the two women were already walking back to the balcony.

He dropped her nickname rhythmically throughout the rest of the show. It sounded like vocalizations. No one could possibly know it was her nickname. Except for her and Olivia. Every time Olivia would nudge her like she didn’t already know this man was being too careless and just throwing her nickname all over the concert. During the last few songs, they all came down to the barricades, running around high-fiving STAY. One or two would stay on the stage dancing and singing, keeping the fans in the outer levels engaged. But as each one passed, they gave Y/N and Olivia a wink or a nod. Binnie pulled them both into a hug, and Olivia nearly fainted. Hyunjin was the last one to come by. He didn't actually stop. The camera was on him. He was too smart for that, but he let his hand drag over hers on the rail and gave her a wink when the camera couldn’t see his face. She somehow kept her face in a neutral smile and just nodded to him. Then they all took the stage again, and they said their goodbyes. She didn’t really hear the others; her eyes and heart were glued on him.

“Goodnight. I love you. Be safe until we see you again.” He held her eye while he said it, then he turned to STAY and dropped several ‘I love you’s’ in different languages. While he blew kisses to the fans. It didn’t bother her at all. She thought she might be jealous. But this was him, who he was. How could she be upset about that? They left the stage, and with the others in the stadium, she chanted for them to come back. Which they did, of course, laughing at their fans for knowing their antics.

They played Ceremony and Miroh and then said goodbye for real. He walked backward up the stage, keeping his eyes on her until he reached the camera, which he gave a full on kiss before disappearing behind the stage. She tried to soak in the endorphins. The love, the energy. She watched the fans filing out, but she stayed. She didn’t want to go yet, and she knew it wasn't because of the concert. He would leave. Whatever this was would end then. It was setting them both up for heartbreak to believe anything else. She could close her eyes and still see him on the stage.

“Are we gonna stay until they kick us out, love? I’m down if that's what you need?” Y/N laughed, of course she would. The confetti at her feet caught her eye. She scooped up a handful and shoved it into her bag.

“No, let's go. There's no point in staying here forever.” Her pocket buzzed as she finished.

“Oooh what’s lover-boy have to say?” Olivia looked over her shoulder as she opened the message.

“Don’t call him that. He’s not my lover.” They both read the message.

H: Don’t leave. Come backstage. Bring your friend, Binnie-hyung likes her. 🖤

“Holy shit.” Olivia was still leaning on her shoulder. “Me? Your friend, me? Bin likes me? What the fuck, Y/N?!” she chuckled at Olivia having the exact same response that she’d had yesterday.

“Welcome to my past 24 hours. You ready?”

A security guard was waiting for them.

“Ms. Y/N, right this way.” He led them down long hallways in the stadium’s interior. Her heartbeat faster with every passing second. But Olivia was reacting a lot louder.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Bin asked for me? Y/N, how have you been handling this? How are you not insane? He wants to meet me? Holy shit, holy shit, hoooooollllllly shiiiit. Do I look okay? How’s my hair? I’m covered in sweat. Did you pack deodorant?” Y/N fished out a travel sized deodorant from her bag and handed it to her friend with a smile.

“At least you’re not freaking out over a man.” They both dissolved into laughter as the guard stopped in front of a door. Olivia quickly applied the deodorant and shoved it back in Y/N’s bag. He knocked, and then there was Hyunjin filling the door frame, also covered in sweat and grinning wildly.

“Hello 리리.” He seemed to struggle to pull his eyes away from Y/N, but they did eventually land on Olivia. “What’s your name, princess?” She just gaped at him and did not respond.

“Hyunjin, this is Olivia. She’s very excited to be here.” Her voice sounded way more under her control than her whole body felt. Olivia stuck out her hand, and Hyunjin scooped it into his and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it.

“My pleasure. Come on in, meet the others.” He let them both pass but she could feel him close behind her. His energy was literally radiating off of him.

She expected chaos. That was the SKZ brand. But honestly, they were just a bunch of dudes pumped up from a thrilling concert. Nothing crazy except all the heavy petting and cuddling happening in the corner, but she was a Minsung supporter, so it didn’t put her off. She just grinned at Lee Know when he caught her glance. Then he went back to sucking on his boyfriend's neck and she averted her eyes.

“Yeah try not to let them bother you, the stage gets them worked up.” Binnie had approached them and she smiled at him but his eyes weren’t on her at all. She didn’t even get a chance to say anything to him before he and Olivia were whispering Korean to each other. Lucky for her she was so much more fluent than Y/N was.

“So this is Hyunjin’s Y/N?” Hearing Bang Chan say her name so casually would be any fangirls dream. She waved a little wave to him. She was definitely overwhelmed, but she didn’t want to seem rude.

“Hi Channie. I don’t know about Hyunjin’s, but I am Y/N.” Seungmin and Felix were pushed together in a chair playing a video game but Felix looked back at her, kinda gave her a once over then a nod and turned back to the game. “It’s nice to meet you all. I’m obviously a huge fan because who wouldn’t be?”

“Oh, you’re definitely his to this group. You saved our little ferret. And then he gave us the massive headache of rearranging an entire set just so he could confess on stage in front of thousands of people. So yeah, his.” She looked up at Hyunjin who was lingering at her shoulder. He grinned at her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause you guys any trouble.”

“You didn’t. I highly doubt such a calm person as yourself begged Hyunjin to sing you an unreleased Love Song. Nope, that's all him trying to impress his Y/N.”

“Wait! This is Hyunjin-hyung’s Y/N?! The one from the letter?” I.N finally looked up from his phone and took her in. “Oh, I love you. Do you know how much STAY is crashing out over me doing Hallucination tonight instead of our duet?” As he said it he’d crossed the space between them and engulfed her in a hug. She hugged back with a gentle pat on his back. When he let go, he gave her an exaggerated wink and then stuck his tongue out at her. “If you get tired of that one, I also enjoy a pretty noona.” Hyunjin’s arm shot out and pushed him so that he fell back on the chair he’d just vacated.

“Get your own.” Hyunjin was speaking almost directly into her ear. One hand came to rest protectively on her waist, but she promptly plucked it back off. They needed to discuss things before he got all touchy feely. Both men in front of her laughed at her immediate rejection, and she felt a little bad.

“I’m not anyone’s noona, thank you.” Hyunjin pouted but gave her a wink.

“Hey Felix, as soon as you two are ready, we can go.” Chan was back in leader mode. Felix turned back to look at them again, and there was none of his sunny disposition on his face. She couldn’t tell if he was mad or just focused.

“Yeah, in a minute, we’ve almost beat this level.” Y/N turned away from the scene to check on Olivia and immediately regretted that as Binnie had her pressed against the wall, lips locked on hers, and hand up her shirt.

“Alright, one minute, then we’re out of here.” Chan stood and went to the door to speak to their security, or managers, or something.

“That probably means twenty or so. Do you want to sit? I’m sure your feet are tired.” Before she could respond, shouting came from the gaming corner and pulled their attention there.

“Damnit. We were so close! That’s such crap, I-” Felix stopped his rant mid-sentence “-alright Chan. We can go. We lost.” Felix came over, pushing his hair out of his face, the solemnness melting away into that radiant smile of his.

“Sorry, we got cut off earlier and wanted to finish that. I’m so happy to finally meet Hyunjin’s Y/N. He’s told us so much about you and literally would not stop gushing all day yesterday about how pretty you are. I’m glad to see he wasn’t lying. You’ll take care of him for us, won’t you? Treat him well? Give him whatever he wants?” He’d wrapped her in a hug as he started speaking and gave her an extra tight squeeze as he finished.

He didn’t let go of her and was kinda of swaying the two of them back and forth. Y/N couldn’t help but grin at him. This was the Felix she’d expected. He booped her on the nose before moving to sling his arm around Hyunjin’s waist. The absolutely love-struck look Hyunjin gave him made her heart stop. As his eyes moved back to Y/N. He seemed to register what he’d been doing, and he took a step away from Felix and towards her.

“Well, promise you’ll treat him right and I’ll get out of your hair.” Felix's last teasing remark reminded her what this was. It wasn’t long term for Hyunjin. It was just a quick fling to satisfy him. He had Felix at home. Stupid. Stupid heart. She told it this would happen. She forced a smile.

“I don’t know about all that. But I’m happy to be here anyway.” She kept the smile in place as best she could, but she could feel Hyunjin's eyes on her. Felix didn’t seem to sense the change in mood and moved on to teasing Binnie and Olivia by the door.

“Hey. Look at me.” It was a soft demand, but a demand nonetheless. Hyunjin put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to look him in the eye. “What just happened?” She tried to avoid his eye contact, but it pierced right through her. “리리?” The rockstar playboy was gone, and the sweet, gentle artist was back in his full glory. Stupid. She was already in love with him. What an idiot.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Hyunjin.” She yanked her chin away from him and stared at the floor instead.

“Hyunjie.” His voice was too soft. But the nickname was insistent.

“Hyunjin. We don’t even know each other, and you’ll leave tomorrow, and it looks like you have things well covered at home, so I don't really know why I’m here.” She tried to keep the edge out. Tried to sound noncommittal. But it didn’t come out that way. She sounded as hurt as her stupid, easily swayed heart felt. He didn’t ask what she meant, and when she looked up at him again, he was staring at Felix. Fuck. Why did that hurt so much?

“We’ll need to talk. But I’d still very much like to get to know you better, as long as that’s okay with you.” His eyes were huge with hope, and she was starting to realize she’d have a very hard time telling him no for anything. “Will you come outside-”

“Load up! It’s time to go. Hyunjin? Get the happy couple, will you? Ladies, will you be joining us at the hotel or do you need me to arrange you a ride?” Chan had pulled Binnie off Olivia's face and she wore such a star struck pleased face that Y/N couldn’t have ever told her they were leaving so she just agreed that they’d go along. And after piling into two cars with dark tinted windows they were on their way. Y/N had the pleasure of being squeezed between Hyunjin and Felix while music blared and the others shouted over top of it, leaving no room for the conversation they were supposed to have. Hyunjin didn’t try to touch her in any way, and being pressed against the two of them was excruciating. Felix babbled away to Seungmin in front of him and didn’t take any notice of the sulky pair beside him. It wasn’t long until they were pulling up in front of the hotel and everyone piled out and headed indoors. Except for Y/N and Hyunjin. Y/N was just standing on the sidewalk staring at the big glass doors of her own hotel. She and Hyunjin had been texting each other from the same building last night.

“리리?” She could disappear right into her own room. She could delete his number and pretend it was all some fantasy her overactive imagination cooked up. She wrote stories for a living. How was this any different? Hell, she could turn it into a Y/N fanfic and sell it back to STAY, who would gobble it up and maybe pay for the edits on her actual book.

“리리? Can you hear me? Do you want to take a walk?” A gentle touch on her wrist made her startle out of her spiral. He was watching her like she were fragile. And maybe she was. Maybe pretending to be strong all the time had worn her down more than she realized.

“I’ll explain everything, I promise. Will you take a walk with me?” When she still didn’t answer, he guided them to the step and sat down, motioning her to join him. She did numbly. How had they gotten here? She didn’t even know him yesterday morning, and now her mind was a wreck over him? This wasn’t like her. Except this was exactly like her. With relationships. She always fell too hard, too fast, and scared everyone away. She could be the most rational person in the world in any other situation, but put a potential love interest in her sight, and her mind stops being able to protect her. And her heart latches directly onto them and won’t let go.

“I won’t force you to go anywhere with me if you don’t want to. And if you want to run away, I’m not the type to make you stay here. I’ll understand. And I’ll still care about and appreciate you even if you don’t want to be around me.” He was too soft. Too kind and gentle for her to be mad. Mad that he’d led her on.

“내 로리? I need some kind of answer, even if it’s just walking away and forgetting about me.” She didn’t want that. Why couldn’t she respond to him? It was like her brain was running a million miles a minute but completely shut down at the same time. She let her head slump against his shoulder, and he let out an audible sigh.

“Okay, if you just need some time to collect your thoughts, I can wait. I like to look at the stars anyway, and it’s a nice night for it.”

“Have you seen them away from big cities?” Of course she could talk about space, or probably art, or flowers, but not her heart. Not the pain sitting there.

“I have. They’re so beautiful when there’s no light.” That’s why she didn’t really care for the city. It was too bright, too loud. There was no peace in a place like this.

“Yes, I agree. Some of us need a little less brilliant light to bask in. I think that’s why I love the night so much. The moon feels like it has the same spirit as me.” He hmm’d his agreement and his hand started rubbing a small circle on her back as she spoke, and he let his cheek come down and rest on her head. It was so intimate and gentle that tears welled up in her eyes. She was so exhausted. This day had done a number on her.

“I’m sorry I got so worked up. I’m not sure what I was expecting to happen, but… I don’t know, that wasn’t it, and my head was too overwhelmed to make a reasonable conclusion about anything. You didn’t deserve that.” He just kept rubbing a circle on her back and then whooshed out a breath.

“No, you read it right. You had a good reason to feel blindsided and hurt. I should have explained my situation before letting you know I was interested. Can we walk now? Or go inside? If I stay out here too long, someone is bound to notice, and I’d rather not give away our hotel. I can walk you back to yours if you’d like?” She chuckled a little, but stood up and offered him a hand to pull him up.

“This is actually my hotel.” He took her hand and gave it a squeeze, giving a light laugh at her revelation.

“Are you sure you want to know all of this? You won’t be able to talk about it at all.” She nodded and let him lace their fingers together as he pulled them onto a softly lit pathway next to the hotel. It led down into a park with a small pond.

“Felix and I are together. I love him, and no matter what this is.” He squeezed her fingers. “That won’t change. Our relationship hasn’t been easy, and they forced us apart after some issues with the fans. And Felix received some death threats. It was all really scary. And so we started seeing other people. But we couldn’t give each other up, and we can’t be together. And it has been really hard. It was one part of why I wanted to leave. So he could live his dream without having to stay away from me, but only just enough. We’re still together and not. We’re kind of all together. The whole group sort of morphed into a polyship at some point. Maybe because we’re always together? We share love, how each person needs it. Sometimes with cuddling or kissing. We take each other on dates, and some of us have gone farther. Some of us say it’s a relationship and are more vocal about if we want other people too, and some of them just let things flow and have no lines. But Felix and I- he’s very special to me. He adores what he knows about you. Which is a lot more than anyone else. He wasn’t lying when he told you I gushed to him all day about you yesterday. He’s okay with it and knows that I’m very serious about you. It’s not just a crush or a fling. But I know this isn’t normal, and it may be too much for you. And we still don’t know each other.” He’d stopped them at the top of the hill on the far side of the pond. “I would never push you into this. And there’s where we live and the languages. So, I understand if you want to leave me on this hill and walk away. But I really hope you want to get to know me.” He sat himself down on the pathway, letting go of her hand and watching the moon make a sparking pathway on the pond below.

The temptation to run away was overbearing. She didn’t want this complex relationship. She didn’t want to have to jump through hurdles and the press and rabid fans to be with someone who understood her. But she’d also promised to be kind and rational to his mom, and running away wasn’t rational. That was just fear of the unknown. So she sat down. And took his hand onto her lap, tracing the few callouses he had.

“I can’t say that’s what I was hoping to hear. Or that I know what I want right now. This has been extremely overwhelming from start to finish. Do you know how much I wanted to run away from you yesterday morning because you were too untouchable. And now here we are, trying to figure out what kind of future we could possibly have. That’s literally insane. But I get the rushed timeline. It’s not like we have days to ease into this. When do you leave?”

“We have some filming to do tomorrow, then we’re going to New York on Monday.” He wasn’t even looking at her. Just staring out at the pond with a forlorn expression, like he was waiting for the letdown. It hurt her heart.

“I’m supposed to go home in the morning so I’m not driving overnight again.”

The silence stretched between them. Not horribly awkward, but not comfortable either. Like both of them had just realized how little they knew about the other’s lives.

“Can I propose an odd tactic?”

“It can’t be any worse than all of this.” He chuckled and leaned back on his elbows, finally looking her way.

“Let’s take three months. To talk and see how things go, but to not commit. And if things go well and we both agree before then or at that time, we can get together, but if we realize we were just riding the insane concert high, then we’ll leave the other alone and let it go. Fair?” She hoped it didn’t sound too out there.

“Extremely fair. I’m down for whatever you need, 리리.” They sat there a while longer. She didn’t know what else to say, but it didn’t seem like he needed her to say anything else either. So they just watched to moon on the pond. She let her mind drift, and she wondered how Olivia was handling her time with Binnie, and then immediately regretted thinking about that.

“Do you want to go back to my room with me?” His head snapped in her direction, and that playboy smile pulled at his lips.

“So soon? Why, Y/N, you ought to treat a man to dinner first.” His teasing accent made her giggle, and once she started, she couldn’t stop. This whole situation was so ridiculous. How did she even find herself here? When she was finally able to settle herself, he was staring at her with a pleased grin.

“I meant to sleep. I’m exhausted, and I have a 10 hour drive tomorrow.” He rubbed a circle on the back of her hand.

“That’s probably a terrible idea, but I’m great at making bad choices.” He hopped up and extended his hand this time. They made it almost all the way back to the hotel when Hyunjin stopped them dead and pulled them into the treeline.

“What? What is it?” Y/N stage whispered because he wouldn’t have done that for nothing, but Hyunjin’s hand clamped down over her mouth, and then he pointed to the front of the building where several men with large cameras waited outside.

“Someone must have seen one of us. We don’t need the trouble of them catching us together this late at night. You go ahead and I’ll come in a little while.” Y/N looked at him and then back to the four men.

“No, we can disguise you. Come here.” She gently and carefully pulled him back up the pathway. Then she turned to her bag. She redid his makeup to be as feminine as possible. Pulled his hair back into a bun and put her oversized pink LeeBit hoodie on him and then added the green and pink rhinestone covered hat onto his head. For good measure, she put her bag on him. He still had sneakers that didn’t match, but to anyone who didn’t know him, he’d look like any other fangirl coming home late from the concert. “There, now give me your phone.” He willingly obeyed and unlocked his phone before handing it over. She stalled for a minute at the sight of her own selfie as the background. But she opened the messaging app and found their group chat.

H: Chan, this is Y/N. There are paparazzi outside. I’m sneaking Hyunjin into my room (#306) just be careful if anyone goes out.

Then she took a pic of her handiwork and sent it to the chat as well

Chan: Oh yeah, that’ll definitely work 😂😂😂

“Did you just send that to them?”

“Yep,” she popped the ‘p’ and grinned wickedly at him. He’d had the upper hand too many times.

Seungmin: Didn’t know Hyunjin loves Minho so much ☠️☠️☠️

“They’re never going to let me forget this.” She smirked right in his face.

“Good.” Then she grabbed his hand, swung them between them, and started babbling like an avid fan as she headed straight for the doors.

“NOOOO, I swear Binnie looked right at usssss and pointed and winked! You were too busy lusting over Channie to notice, but he definitely did. And Felix?! OH! MY! GOD! Can you imagine getting to see that every day? I simply cannot.” She shook her head a little and stumbled on purpose, catching herself on Hyunjin before erupting into a fit of giggles and shushing herself. The men didn’t even look up at them, but she pulled Hyunjin into a hug and kissed his cheek before continuing on. “This was the best night of my entire life. I wish they didn’t leave tonight. It’s so frustrating. I was hoping to accidentally run into one of them, but of course they had to fly off to New York, like, immediately. Can’t stay around and give a STAY a chance? I mean, come on, I just want to see one of them in person one time! Is that too much to-”

The heavy glass door slid shut behind them, and Y/N let her voice cut off. She still swung their hands between them and mis-stepped occasionally until they made it to the elevators.
“That was exhausting. But I’m sure we looked every bit like a pair of very drunk STAY lol.” Hyunjin was staring at her again, and this time he got super close and tipped up her chin.

“You’re brilliant.” The elevator dinged, and the doors opened, but Hyunjin didn’t step off. He lowered his lips to hers as slowly as humanly possible, giving her plenty of time to escape if she didn’t want it, but she let her hand slide up around his neck instead. The kiss was deep and slow. They only stopped when the elevator doors started to shut again. Hyunjin pushed the door's open button and pulled her out into the hall and then down to her room. She dug out her keycard and let them both in. As soon as the door shut again, he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her, letting it last until she pulled back, gasping for air.

“I’ve wanted to do that since I laid eyes on you.” She shouldn’t do this. It would definitely mess with both of their heads and make them feel closer than they were. She reached up and undid the hair she’d just tied up and pushed her hat off him, running her fingers through his shoulder length hair before tugging slightly at the ends. The low rumble of his moan had her pressing her thighs together. He let his head fall back, and she rose on her toes to kiss the hollow of his throat. His hands found the zipper at the back of her outfit, and then he had her slipping out of it while he pushed off his shirt and her hoodie.

She felt drunk. She knew it wasn’t the right choice, but she still wanted him. He was gorgeous. Literally every inch sculpted. Her fingertips traced feather light over his chest and down his abs, stopping at the waist of his jeans. She let them slip just inside the top, but his hand stilled hers.

“I really hate to stop us. I really, really hate to stop you, but are you sure this is what you want? I started this after you asked for time.” His other hand cupped her face, and he was doing a great job of pretending she was nearly naked in front of him.

“Hyunjie, don't question it now. I want you, please.” She let enough whine into her voice to be annoyed with herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The mantra played in her head as she undid his jeans and pressed herself against him.

“Okay, jagi,” then he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He left a trail of kisses all over her and licked, then gently bit her nipple. His hand slid between legs teasingly soft, not enough pressure to do anything. Just to light her nerves on fire. She pushed her own underwear off. If they were doing this, she wanted it now. He didn’t need more prompting; he dropped to the floor between her legs and started licking, sucking, and nibbling at her. His mouth found every sensitive spot and teased it until she was aching and pulling him closer.

“More, Hyunjin, please, more.” The noise he made almost sounded like a purr. He squeezed her legs as he lifted them over his shoulders. He’d already lost his final layer and his cock stood ready for her. It looked perfect. All the teasing scenes he’d ever done on stage played in her head, and she had to admit it was bigger than she’d thought it’d be. She pulled him closer with her legs and he pressed the tip of himself against her. The light pressure was driving her nuts.

“Hyunjin.” The way she moaned his name was super whiney, but how dare he tease her.

“Jagi, I'll only give it to you if you moan the name I like.” The light in his eyes filled her with delusions of love, but she couldn’t think about that right now. She needed him, needed to feel him filling her.

“Hyunjie?” She wasn’t sure what name he wanted, but his satisfied smile told her she’d guessed right. And she’d say anything for her release.

“Hyunjie, Hyuuuunnnnjjjiiiiiiie, please, please I want your cock in me. Hyunnnnn-ahh!” He stopped teasing and slammed into her with his full force. She arched all the way off the bed. He pressed her back down and slowly drew himself out of her before starting a slow, steady pace. She tried to move her hips, but he kept her pinned beneath him. The pace was agonizing, but he felt amazing. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, the way he moved. His little huff when he was at his deepest or when she squeezed him. Her reasoning started slipping away. There was only this.

“Fuck yes, please, Hyunjie. More, more, please.” He listened to every plea and cry she made, increasing his pace, adjusting the angle to hit the right spot, working her into a moaning mess. When she was close to the edge, she arched up against him and sank her teeth into the fleshy bit of his peck. He wasted no time grabbing the back of her neck and using it as leverage to drive deeper. Her moans escalated into pleased screams, and she tightened around him until his movement was almost painful. The wave of pleasure shuddered through her, but he wasn’t done. He kept the pace and sunk his teeth into her neck and sucked all over, and then both hands grabbed her waist, and he forced himself deeper, grinding out his own orgasm.

They both collapsed back onto the bed and lay there panting. Stupid. He’s not going to like you anymore now that he knows you’re so easy. But he had something different to say as he trailed kisses on her.

“로망, saranghae, saranghae, saranghae.” Exhaustion crashed over her, and she drifted off to the whispered confession.

…

He didn’t wait for her to wake up. He was gone in the morning. An energy drink and some pain medicine were on her bedside table with a note.

리리, I’m sorry I couldn’t do goodbye this morning. It felt too final. I don’t know when I’ll see you again, but I will try to visit at least once. I hope you’ll forgive me. Call me once you’re on the road. And anytime you need to hear my voice. And text a lot. Okay? I’m very needy and I want all of your attention. Don’t forget about me. 🖤 Hyunjie

At the bottom was a quickly scribbled line:
I left you some Jiniret gear. You have way too much Leebit. Please wear mine.

Sure enough, beside the table was a bag with a black Jiniret hoodie, a white hat with ears, and a giant Jiniret stuffie. She smiled at it and tried to tell her heart that his disappearance didn’t hurt. It was a rational thing to do. Goodbyes were hard for her too. She packed her bag. Loaded the car, sent a goodbye text to Olivia with a promise to call later, and hit the road. Back to her real life. The fantasy was over. The trial had begun.