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Despite all claims to the contrary, Ilya and Hayden were, in fact, friends. They would each individually swear up and down and left and right to anyone that would listen that they barely tolerated the other’s presence for Shane, because they could at least agree on that, but sometimes, on the very rarest of occasions when Jackie was visiting her parents with the kids and Shane had a photoshoot, sometimes the two of them could be found within fifteen feet of each other. Hanging out, or whatever. Ilya would say that he felt bad for Hayden, being such a terrible hockey player but somehow the best player on a team of even worse players with a wife that was far too good for him, and Hayden would say that Ilya was his last choice and it really spoke to the quality of people on his team over the quality of Ilya’s character.
Shane and Jackie would just nod, pat their husbands’ heads, and continue on with their conversations.
This often happened at their monthly dinners, usually at the Pikes’ since it was always a hassle having to cart four children for a two hour car ride each way, and it was easier for Shane and Ilya to sleep over than the reverse.
The kids were, for a quiet change of place, at Jackie’s parents’ place for the weekend, and so they were able to let loose and get drunk in a way they wouldn’t let themselves during the season. Shane had even found a wine that he partial too that both households made sure to keep in stock for whenever the occasion arose.
Shane smiled softly, watching Ilya and Jackie animatedly talk about something in the kitchen while he and Hayden were lounging on the sectional sofa in the living room. Shane’s feet were slung off the armrest, his knees propped up, while Hayden was man-spreading in the way that had Jackie constantly swatting at his shoulder.
“So when are you joining us in this nightmare of parenthood?” Hayden asked, startling Shane slightly out of his people-watching. Ilya-watching, really, since he was finally able to do so without worrying about being obvious.
“Geez Hay, you still want to get me pregnant?” he laughed. “Four times with Jackie wasn’t enough for you?”
“At this point, people are going to start thinking things about us.”
“Right, because I’m not famously married to another hockey player.”
“Fuck off,” he replied, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “You know what I meant.”
“Swear jar. But I told you, I still have at least a decade left of some good hockey.”
“Sure, but you guys have got to have talked about this, yeah? I mean, you probably don’t have the same types of biological clock or whatever, but still. Kids are definitely tiring.”
He raised his eyebrows. “And this is supposed to convince me how?”
“You love Arthur! And Amber, sometimes.” Hayden threw his hands up at Shane’s unconvinced expression.
“Arthur literally only talks about trains, and Amber is like, two.”
“Definitely not, but close enough.” He frowned. “I think.”
“Maybe I should think about having kids earlier,” he said, grinning as he took a sip of his ginger ale that he had switched to after dinner. “Especially if this is the type of memory dads have at this age already.”
“Oh my god, Shane—”
“Shane?”
“Yes, Ilya?”
“Are you awake?”
“I—” he rolled to face his husband. Who he loved dearly, but probably a little bit more when it wasn’t at least two in the morning. “Are you serious?”
He had the audacity to sound affronted. “What, I had to check!”
“Do you have something to actually ask or can I go to sleep yet?”
“What did you mean earlier, when talking to Pike?” Shane knew that tone. His I’m-acting-innocently-but-actually-I’m-starting-shit tone. “Maybe my English has slipped, but it sounded like you said he wanted to get you pregnant?”
“Oh. I mean. He just used to get on me about when I was going to join him in the nightmare of parenthood, especially when Amber was just born and Ruby and Jade were really hyper all of the time. It kinda became a running joke that he wanted to get me pregnant.” And it was funny!
“Oh, really?”
Like, he had just said that? “Yeah, Jackie thought it was really funny and started to say that it might be good for her to get a break from it for once.”
“So funny.” Ilya’s voice was flat.
Shane rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t going to sleep on time, was he? The clock on Ilya’s side of the room read 2:14 AM. Thank god their only plans the next day—or really, later that day—were to drive back to Ottawa. “Are you jealous?”
“No. Why would I be jealous?” Ilya sniffed. “Nothing to be jealous about. Just a terrible hockey player talking about getting my husband pregnant, why would I be jealous? Such a silly word.”
“Oh my god, you are!”
“What about me saying I am not jealous made you think that?”
“You’re such a liar, Rozanov.”
“Oh, and now we are back to Rozanov? I’m sure Hayden would love to see you tonight. Do you want to go upstairs before or after I fall asleep?”
“Ilya—”
“No, no. It’s fine.” And now it was his dramatic-drama-kid voice. Sometimes Shane thought that his husband should have pursued a career in theater with the dramatics he put on. “My husband will leave me for his best friend. Maybe Jackie would like some company in her marital bed.”
“Marital—how do you even know these words, what the fuck? I’ve never heard anyone say this in real life.”
“Just because some hockey players are dumb does not mean that we are all stupid, Shane. We should be more inclusive. Hockey is for everyone, including smart people and people who want to get pregnant by his old teammate.”
“Ilya!” This had to be the universe testing him. Had he accidentally ignored a kitten on the side of the road recently? Yelled at one of the rookies? Not held the door open for someone? Surely he didn’t do anything to deserve whatever the fuck was going on here. “It’s so fucking early in the morning, what is wrong with you?”
Shane felt the bed shift, and then suddenly there was a weight on top of him. His jaw fell slightly open. Ah. Of course this is what he was getting at.
“Maybe I just need to remind my husband why he married me, да?”
(Hayden and Shane could not make eye contact with each other the next morning. Jackie and Ilya high-fived. Shane hated everyone.)