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When Drake met Nicki
Drake was the coolest most popular guy in all of college. He was popular (and cool) because he was pretty good at most sports, and he could rap really good (and didn’t need a ghost writer so don’t bring it up) and he made 20,000 dollars a year (it’s a lot of money look it up) but also mostly because he had a really big wiener. Everyone new he had a big wiener because Tyler the creator (who is gay which is ok but he shouldn’t have been looking at Drake when he was naked even if he was just trying to see his BBL and not his wiener) saw it in the baseball locker room when they were showering after practice and told the hole school he even drew a picture of it and posted it on his close friends list. Drake was a little offended by this breach in his privacy but his best friend XXXtentacion told him he would get lots of girls who would want to hang out with him and kiss his thingy which was right. “That’s gross why would they want to kiss my wiener” said Drake shockidly. “Trust me everyone will think you’re really cool, it’s cool to have girls kiss your nut sack” assured jah. X knew about this kind of thing because he was a senior in college and Drake was still just a freshmen and was a virgin and had never even shaved his nutsack before even though he owned a manscaped trimmer. Drake nodded in understanding, he trusted his friend. “Come with me to this party tonight bro and all the girls will give you drinks and want to follow you on Instagram” X said with a knowing wink. “Ok” said Drake “I guess I should finally put my manscaped trimmer I have to use and finally shave my nutsack”. “It’ll be easier because you have big nuts” said X. Drake nodded.
They went back to their dorm room and were hanging out on discord and smoking weed and other stuff when suddenly Drake said “excuse me, I have to use the restroom” “why? Finally going to shave your nuts?” Asked Jah. “NO” Drake said strongly “I just have to pee”. But X knew what was actually happening when he heard Drake turn on the shower. “Make sure you just trim the nuts! Girls want to see bush in 2025” X shouted through the door. “Shut up I’m not doing that” Drake shouted back. (Also, I know X isn’t alive anymore guys but it’s my story so sue me #llj )
After Drake got out of the toilet they started getting dressed for the party. “I was thinking about a gorpcore look for tonight” said Drake holding his arcteryx jacket up in front of himself in the mirror. “No this is a classy party” said Xxxtentacion. “Here, I’ve got something I’ve been saving for a special occasion” said X as he reached for a box he had been keeping under his bed for a while and wiped the dust of the top. Drake had assumed it was Jah’s special weed he had been saving or maybe some condoms for his penis. Drake had never looked or asked because he was a respectful roommate and respected his friends privacy. But as X opened the box what was in it took Drakes breath away. It was a Supreme x Kaws x chrome hearts flat brim hat. Drake gasped as X put it on Drakes head. “This will go perfect with the rick Owen’s one piece you got for Chanukah” said X. Drake knew he was right as a little tear came to his eye, he made sure to wipe it away before X could see. “Now you’re beautiful” said X as he gave him a little kiss on the head. They both put on lots of cologne and made sure their vapes were charged and then they called and uber xl to the party.
When they got to the party they could already tell it was lit. It was at off campus housing so they didn’t have to hide the smell of their weed smoking from the RA’s and they could hear the BBNO$ track blasting from inside even though they were still outside vaping. “I’m scared to go in” said Drake to his older and wiser best friend. “Everyone will know I have a disgusting freaky monster penis that’s not circumcised and they’ll think I need to use an ice cream scooper to clean all the smegma from my tent like foreskin.” He was getting crazy buzzed from all the nicotine in his vape and it was making him nervous “trust me bro, the hoes will love you” X reassured him “I know because I also have a really big wiener and the girls love to kiss it”. Drake was shocked. He had no idea X also had a big wiener and it made him feel better about himself and feel better about his body knowing his cool older friend also had the same problem. But Drake didn’t like that jah said the H word, he thought it was disrespectful. Drake informed Xxxtentacion what he had learned in his gender studies class so far and X agreed what he had said was hurtful and promised not to call females hoes anymore. After vaping for a while more they checked to make sure each others hair looked cool and they walked inside.
Inside the party it was all loud and it smelled like weed. “I’m going to go get us a drink” said X “this is an alcohol AND weed party after all”. Drake nodded and decided to walk around to look at the different weed everyone was smoking. He saw some people passing around a Russian cream backwood in the next room so he went over. “Who rolled this beautiful doobie?!” Shouted Drake as he entered. Inside were young thug and Megan thee stallion and lil Uzi vert sitting on the couch passing around the blunt. Dave blunts was in the corner sipping lean. “I rolled the marijuana” said young thug “it’s a Russian cream backwood and cherry runts cannabis I bought from the dispensary”(he is 21 and was allowed to buy weed, also it’s legal where they are) said young thug as he passed the weed to Uzi “can i hit it after him” Drake asked gesturing to Lil Uzi vert. Dave blunts spit out his lean as he was sipping on it “his pronouns are they/them you asshole” Dave shouted. “And to think we were going to share our weed we got the dispensary with you” said Megan thee stallion “Now get out of hear”. “I’m so sorry” pleaded Drake with a tear coming to his eye “I didn’t mean to misgender anyone and I think that’s cherry Runtz is the perfect weed to smoke with Russian cream backwood. I’m sorry I was ignorant and I can venmo you reparations.” “We don’t want your reparations our your apology, and we definitely don’t want to smoke weed with the likes of you” said young thug. “Yeah” said Uzi. Drake stood there frozen. “Whats the matter idiot” one of the weed smokers shouted. “I heard he also has a huge penis!” Shouted Dave blunts, his word cutting Drake like knives. “Ewwwwww” said Megan thee stallion and young thug in unison. “You shouldn’t body shame people” retorted Drake. “Shut up you big penis jerk” said Uzi, “now get out of here and try not to trip on your huge hog on the way out” Dave blunts shouted as he threw his lean cup at Drake, it barely missed drakes face and exploded on the wall behind him.
Drake ran out of the room sobbing. As he ran he bumped into something, but not just something, someone, and not just someone it was his roommate and best friend and mentor XXXtentacion. As they collided Drake knocked all the purple drank and alcohol jah was carrying and it spilled all over jah’s chrome heart jeans. “What the fuck! “ explained X just before he slapped Drake on the face not as hard as he could they were still bros but it was still a little hard. “Be careful” said x. Drake said, “I don’t want you to break my nose and ruin my singing voice.” “That’s why I only slapped you a little bit kiddo, and we’re bros, but if it had been anyone else I would have bopped them really hard for spilling all this alcohol and purple drank all over my designer jeans and sneakers. Now what the f is wrong, you have a lot of explaining to do.” X retorted. Drake sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye. “Young thug and Megan thee stallion and lil Uzi and Dave blunts are mad at me because I misgendered Uzi which was an accident and I was just ignorant and I would never intentionally misgender someone and I apologized and I explained that to them and I offered to pay them to make up for it (remember Drake makes 20,000$ a year so he was basically rich and totally could have paid them and they knew that) but they didn’t accept my apology and they wouldn’t even let me smoke some of their Russian cream back wood even though I told them it was my favorite kind and then they made fun of me for having too big of a penis”. “What?” Said X, his brow clenching and his teeth gritting and he cracked his knuckles. “No one messes with my best friend. The boy would never misgender someone on purpose unless maybe it was to make a bigot feel uncomfortable by misgendering them in a subversive and nuanced manner, also body shaming is wrong!” jah continued “and they wouldn’t even accept reparations from iceman huh? I guess they’ll have to accept this butt wooping from me” and he stormed into the room.
Drake stood outside and he heard a crash, as he looked in the room he saw X had just thrown Dave blunts out of the window onto the front lawn. Drake watched as X handily helped young thug out the same way. “On principle I won’t hurt you two because I respect women and queer people and I would never hit a woman or a queer person but you need to get out” Jah shouted to Megan thee stallion and lil uzi. They quickly scampered out shamefully. They knew they got caught body shaming and that was wrong and even if misgendering someone is wrong, two wrongs don’t make a right. “Don’t ever mess with my best friend ever again or you’ll hear from my lawyers assholes” x shouted after them as they ran. X put his shoulder in Drake and said “is the boy feeling better now” and wiped the tears off drakes cheek. “A little” Drake sniffled. “Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet” said x patting Drake on the back. “Praise Jah” said Drake.
They walked upstairs and opened up a door, inside was Nicki Minaj who was hanging out with a lot of other people. She was the most beautiful woman Drake had ever seen. She had on lip gloss and her hair was pink and it matched her shoes and she wore a lot of perfume and she also had really big boobies, also Kanye West was there. “Drake this is Kanye west” said x as he introduced him “actually I’m just going by Ye now, please don’t dead name me” said west. “Wow mister west it’s a pleasure to meet you, I voted for you for president” Drake said, glancing past Ye at Nicki who was texting in her phone and vaping in the corner. “I’ve heard a lot about Drake” said Ye as he shook drakes hand “thanks” said Drake. All of the sudden there was a loud knock at the front door they could hear all the way upstairs over the booming sound of the BBNO$ track that was still playing. “POLICE” the door knocker shouted. “Crap” said Kanye “we have to get out of here!” “But it’s just an alcohol and weed party and that’s legal here” said Drake calmly “and I don’t even drink any purple drank and I’m sure the police will believe me, they’re always reasonable.” “No” said Kanye as he shuffled out the window “this is a diddy party!” “Crap!” Said Drake! He knew he wouldn’t fit out of the window because his huge wiener had a boner from looking at Nicki Minaj and it would be too big to go out safely. “Xxxtentacion where are you” Drake shouted but he couldn’t find him due to all the dense weed and vape smoke in the air and he couldn’t hear him over the sound of the loud BBNO$ music. “I guess I’ll go hide in this closet then” thought Drake.
To Drakes absolute shock when he turned on the light in the closet he saw it was also occupied by the beautiful woman from earlier Nicki Minaj. He was so embarrassed she was going to see the giant boner she gave him earlier and think he was gross for having a giant freak penis. “Nice BBL” said Nicki looking right into drakes eyes. “T-thanks” stammered Drake “I like yours too”. “You know I’m best friends with Tyler the creator and I saw the drawing he made of your massive wiener when he saw it at baseball practice the other day” said Nicki still making eye contact. “Oh my god that was fake he’s bullying me because I make 20,000$ a year and he’s jealous I’m rich and I sing better” Drake objected. “It’s ok” said Nicki as she started to run her fingers down his body and into his pants “I actually like the big ones” as she said that drakes boner twitched “wow I like that” said Nicki as she pulled out her boobies. They were big and round and soft, her areolae were pretty nice looking and she had good nipples with no piercings in them because that would hurt. “T-thanks” stammered Drake “I like how big your nipples are, but aren’t you married” “not anymore” said Nicki as her fingers worked their way through drakes dense bush “I found out he was a rapist and that was unacceptable so we got a divorce” “oh ok” said Drake sexily. “Your nutsack feels really soft” said Nicki “yeah I just shaved them with my manscaping kit today” said Drake trying not to wince as her long nails passed over a cut he had accidentally made in his nuts while manscaping (it was his first time after all).
Drake touched her boob, it felt soft and nice, and he felt okay about it because he knew she was divorced and he wasn’t being a home wrecker. He touched her beautiful un pieced nipple and smelled her perfume which smelled girly and nice. He started kissing her neck and Nicki started rubbing drakes foreskin. “Your huge wiener is awesome” Nicki whispered in drakes ear hotly. “What do you want to do with it” Drake asked “I want to kiss it” Nicki replied “poggers” Drake said in a manly tone. She pulled down drakes pants and started kissing him of my giant wiener while gently squeezing his bbl. Drake looked down at her big boobs with no piercings while he was still touching them and he jiggled them. She was really good at kissing his penis Drake thought to himself. “I thought you were Jewish, why aren’t you circumcised?” Asked Nicki “oh they gave me my foreskin back after i converted to Jesus” Drake said shrugging. “That’s so cool” said Nicki as she continued to kiss drakes penis. She also smelled it with her nose and it smelled good and like cologne. “This is so cool” said Drake “yeah” said Nicki, “you’re finally learning why college is so great, I’m sure you’ll keep having all kinds of people kiss your penis a lot in your time here and it will be awesome” “I think I only want women to kiss my penis right now” said Drake “there’s nothing wrong with being gay but I’m pretty sure I’m straight but I haven’t really explored” “well it’s ok to explore a little bit so you can be sure who you like” said Nicki, still smelling drakes penis up and down. “You’re right” said Drake “now can I see your vagina?” “Yes” said Nicki and she turned around and pulled her panties to the side. Drake was immediately overwhelmed by her huge bush and the smell of her amazing female area. Her clitoris was already dripping and she queefed once or twice. Drake started to kiss her vagina hole while Nicki was still smelling his penis “that feels amazing” said Nicki “you too” said Drake, feeling her nose brushing along his monster hog. Drake started blowing air into the hole and letting it get pushed back out, enjoying the feeling of the vagina air ticking his mustache as Nicki queefed on his face again and again. Her clitoris was shaking at this point and the twitching was getting dangerously close to giving Drake a black eye. “Oh Drake” Nicki moaned, pressing drakes penis against her neck. “You like that don’t you” said Drake. “Yes” replied Nicki “is it okay if I squirt” “go right ahead” said Drake and as soon as she did she started squirting out of her clitoris all over Drake. “Shoot!” Exclaimed Drake “you got squirt all over the supreme x kaws x chrome hearts hat my best friend gave me!” “That’s okay” said Nicki “he’ll understand” she said as she went back to smelling and kissing drakes penis “now it’s your turn” she flipped Drake around agilely and started giving him so many kisses on his penis all while she was still squirting and queefing everywhere. “Yes!” Said Drake “I’m going to fricking come!” As he said that his balls started moving around all crazy on their own. “Uh oh, here comes the salt explosion!” Said Nicki and ice man erupted all over her boobies. She was so covered in sperm she couldn’t even see. “Well, I guess that means I’m not a virgin anymore!” Said Drake. “Yup! You’re a real man now!” Nicki affirmed. She was still covered in jizz and had to lick it off her eyes to be able to see. “It tastes like hot sauce!” Said Nicki. “I know I’ve tasted it before” replied Drake “doesn’t everyone’s?” “No, not normally” said Nicki “I guess you’re just special” “wow” said Drake “I can’t wait to go home and tell my best friend about this while I gamble online and write my newest rap” “I can’t wait to hear it” replied Nicki!
Drake went home and made a rap about it and he made even more money from rapping and online gambling, enough to buy as many flavors of vapes as he wanted. Him and Nicki kept hooking up and banging all the time and x wasn’t even mad there was squirt all over the hat he gave Drake because it meant he was a man now and knew how awesome it was to have his penis kissed. “See I told you ladies would love your huge wiener” said x “yeah I guess you’re right bestie” said Drake and they all lived happily ever after and got a huge sponsorship from Stake sports betting.