Archive of Our Own

Nakamura received the email invitation a month ago.

His first instinct was to delete it without even reading it. High school wasn't a chapter he was keen on revisiting—especially his first year—and a reunion with his classmates from that year sounded like one of the worst ways to spend an evening.

The day after, though, he actually opened and read the invitation, thanks to one of those classmates telling him that it would be a good idea to attend.

Unlike the rest of his class, Nakamura didn't leave high school with tearful promises of keeping in touch. While everyone around him dreaded the looming separation, Nakamura longed for it, finally being able to distance himself from the situation. He was perfectly aware of where he stood among his classmates socially, so he was content with disappearing from their life as much as they would disappear from his.

The one exception was Kawamura, who had given him a hug amid all the chaos of graduation day, who had forced Nakamura to promise that they would still talk about their favorite BLs even when they wouldn't see each other anymore, who knew all about why, for Nakamura, graduation was a time to exhale rather than tear up.

And yet, even with all that knowledge, Kawamura had said that it would be a good idea to attend the reunion.

"Why?" he settled on messaging, having erased drafts like "Very funny" and "Wrong number" and "I didn't know you were writing a fantasy BL" beforehand.

"Because I think you'll enjoy it more than you expect," Kawamura replied almost immediately.

"I highly doubt it."

"First-year wasn't just the bad memories, you know."

"It's not like I made much memories at all," he sent, even if it was both a lie and a truth. Specific memories from first year were still stuck in his mind, even if he had tried to forget them for the past 10 years.

"Maybe this is your chance to make good memories of that time," Kawamura replied.

Nakamura couldn't help the snort that came out of his mouth. If he went to the reunion, he wouldn't even be able to lie to himself and say that it was because he was curious about what his classmates were up to. If he said yes, he knew exactly why he would go there and who he would pay attention to—and he also knew that he'd only come away from the reunion with regret.

"Is he going to be there?"

Nakamura didn't need to specify who he was referring to. Kawamura had helped him through the heartbreak, after all, being the only one in their high school who he could talk about it. Sometimes, she would give Nakamura updates about him, like how she ran into him in a cafe or how he became a science teacher at Hoshimi High or how he commented on her post about her latest digital manga release. Nakamura only started acknowledging the updates in the past two years, and he only started asking follow-up questions even more recently.

Once, Kawamura had asked if he would ever be interested in talking to him again, even if it was just over LINE. Nakamura spent a few days thinking about it—weighing the pros and cons, imagining the potential conversations, wondering if his heart could handle it—and eventually said no. But when he asked why she was asking, Kawamura only gave a non-commital answer.

He knew that Kawamura's answer to his latest question would decide whether or not he would attend. Nakamura didn't think he had it in him to face the source of his heartbreak, even after all these years. Sure, he wanted to see him—he could only imagine how a decade had made him even more beautiful—but that was also exactly why he shouldn't go. He wasn't keen on undoing 10 years' worth of burying those feelings.

"Probably."

Nakamura was already drafting up how he'd decline the invitation in his head when Kawamura sent a follow-up message less than a minute later.

"He asked about you in the five-year reunion."

It started with Sakamoto Hana.

Nakamura never forgot that week, how he hit rock bottom while the world moved around him, unaware of the hopelessness dragging him down. He always knew that getting into a relationship with him was a lost cause, but seeing concrete proof of the impossibility shattered his heart in ways that felt impossible to explain.

Their relationship didn't last long, but it didn't matter to Nakamura. He had promised himself that he was going to be a good friend, and that he was going to be happy about that role.

Then Sakamoto became Kurihara. Then Yokota. Then Hashimoto.

After a while, the heartbreak wasn't all-consuming anymore—it was just something that Nakamura had learned to live with. He had also become less of a presence to him by then, settling for good mornings and occasionally sitting on the same table during study hours, but those faded over time as well.

When he graduated, Nakamura felt like he could finally exhale properly. Though he knew, from the moment he took that first breath, that he was going to carry his heartbreak with him for a long time.

Years passed, and he got an invitation to a five-year reunion dinner with his first-year high school class. It didn't take him five seconds to delete the email from his inbox.

Nakamura had been standing outside the restaurant for 30 minutes.

The autumn chill was thankfully still in its slow progression to winter, so the slight breeze didn't pierce through his coat. But he knew that the longer he stayed outside, the higher the chance that the wind would become less accommodating.

Inside his head, he had a long argument with himself about whether or not he should go through the restaurant's doors. You already RSVPed, one side said, to which the other replied, Cancelling last-minute isn't unheard of. It went on for a while, and it escalated to It's not like they'd notice you weren't there before he forced himself to stop the train of thought.

There was this constant fear that he would run into someone who recognized him and force him to go inside, but he immediately dismissed it with the fact that barely anyone in his class would probably remember him. Sure, he still looked generally the same—his bangs still reached his eyes, and he had grown a few inches taller since high school—but he figured 10 years of separation would turn the unmemorable classmate into a forgotten one.

Plus, he arrived at the venue almost an hour late—and that was 33 minutes ago.

Nakamura knew that the smart choice was to turn away. It took a long time for him to accept what happened in high school, and it's taking even longer to move on. And besides, he's content with his boring life. He already had a lot to be grateful for: he got a job in marine biology after years of studying hard, he was able to find an apartment that wasn't too cramped and too expensive, he had a friend who he could discuss his favorite BL manga with.

He could live with boredom if it meant not getting hurt.

But he knew exactly why he was still here, why he said yes to the invitation.

"He asked about you in the five-year reunion."

"Why are you only telling me this now?"

"I didn't think you were ready for it back then."

"And you think I'm ready for it now?"

"Yes, I do."

Nakamura had reread that part of their conversation dozens of times since then. For most of the rereads, he dwelled on the first revelation—that he had somehow been asking about him, the forgotten classmate, five years ago.

But toward the end, he focused on the second revelation—that Kawamura thinks he was ready to accept that fact. His first instinct was to tell her how sorely mistaken she was, but as the days counted down to the reunion, he found himself toying with the idea that maybe Kawamura had a point. Maybe five years ago, he would have called in sick to work the day after he RSVPed yes to the invitation to make sure he wouldn't spontaneously freak out in front of people. But now, on the day he accepted the invitation, he got ready for work, took the train, and sat down on his workdesk, the revelation that he would see him again after 10 years just buzzing in his mind the entire day.

It still buzzed as he stood outside the restaurant, the decision of going in or going home playing an endless game of roulette in his mind.

"I can hear you overthinking."

It had taken him years to outgrow his over-the-top reactions, so he felt a small bit of pride when his reaction to that was just an abrupt turn of his head. Kawamura was dressed in a white blouse outlined by a beige coat, teetering the line between formal and casual in a calculated way.

"How much longer are you going to stand here?" she asked.

"Since when did you know I was standing here?"

"Since you arrived. I figured you were just psyching yourself up, then 30 minutes passed by."

Nakamura gulped at the implication, but Kawamura already knew what to say. "I'm the only one who's noticed. I think everyone else is too distracted to realize that the guy standing outside had been there for a while."

He let out a breath after that. He was lucky that no one had approached him out of suspicion, but he also felt like that luck was running out every minute he wasn't making a decision.

"Is he already in there?" Nakamura asked.

Kawamura gave him a look that he didn't know how to interpret. "He said he was one of the first ones to arrive."

That actually surprised Nakamura, as back in high school, he wasn't really known for being punctual. What had changed in the past 10 years to make him show up early for things? Was it because of his work, his hobbies… his lover?

And would it be worth it to enter the restaurant to find out?

"Nakamura," Kawamura interrupted his thoughts, the teasing lilt from her tone gone. "I told you it was a good idea to attend the reunion because I wanted you to see this class as less of a nightmare and more as a fun chapter in your life. I'm not asking you to forget what happened, but I do want you to give yourself a chance to connect with them. But if it's still too difficult, if those bad experiences still weigh in your mind, then I don't mind going back in there alone. I'm not gonna judge you for prioritizing your well-being over a reunion."

Not for the first time, Nakamura thought that even if he was only talking to one person from his old high school, he really lucked out that it was Kawamura. She always give him space to process all his emotions, and she understood him in ways that even he didn't understand himself. There were a lot of things about high school that he wished never happened, but his friendship with Kawamura was one of the things that made those three years worth it.

"Thanks," he replied. He then took a deep breath before adding, "I think I'll join you inside after all."

Kawamura's smile told him that she had expected that answer, which he didn't know what to think of.

"Masako, Yuuka, and I are seated at the end of the table, so we'll try to be discreet," she said. "But don't be surprised if someone suddenly calls out your name. It's been a couple of rounds of beers."

"I'll be surprised regardless since they'll actually know my name."

Kawamura only gave him a look as she opened the restaurant's door. Nakamura took one more deep breath before stepping inside.

Loathe as he to admit it, the first thing Nakamura noticed when he entered the restaurant was Hirose.

He was sitting near the center of the long table, talking animatedly to Takeuchi, Mukai, and Oomori. His hair was still reminiscent of how it looked like in high school, but it now looked more professional, like it took a dedicated effort to arrive at the style. He was wearing a deep blue button-up shirt, with the first two buttons opening up to a white undershirt and with the sleeves stopping at the midpoint of his elbows and wrists. His smile was still radiant, and his laugh was still infectious, clearly finding the story he was telling amusing.

The sound of his heartbeat echoing in his mind told Nakamura everything he needed to know about how he was going to fare for the rest of the night.

While Kawamura did make an effort to be as discreet as possible when they entered, several pairs of eyes focused on them the moment Nakamura dragged an empty chair toward the table and sat down beside Kawamura. He could feel sweat trickling down places it shouldn't have, and he took another deep breath before getting started on the bottle of beer that a waiter had given him.

"Kawamura, who's this?" one of their classmates asked, and Nakamura would've been more offended if it weren't for the fact that he didn't remember her name either. "I thought we all agreed not to bring any plus-ones!"

Nakamura was about to reintroduce himself when someone beat him to it.

"Oh my god! Nakamura, is that you?"

The volume of the declaration felt like he was being introduced to the entire restaurant, but he was at least glad that he recognized who it came from.

"Y-yeah," he replied. "Hi Okuda. Hi everyone."

"Wow, it really is you!" Hamaoka said with a smile. "Hifumi was talking about this reunion having more attendees than last time, but I would never have guessed she was talking about you."

"Yeah, we thought you moved abroad or something," Okuda added. "So what's up with you?"

Nakamura at least rehearsed this part the night before. He talked about how he had spent more time in school to pursue a master's degree before becoming a researcher for an organization focused on researching and protecting marine life. His classmates had connected the dots to when he knew what to do about the octopuses in their class, and they congratulated him for following his passion.

While there were a lot of things about his life that he was ashamed of, this was one that Nakamura took pride in. Every time he wanted to give up while pursuing his degrees, he would remind himself that he was doing it for the boy who was bulied for liking marine animals too much, the pre-teen who dedicated nights to learning how to take care of a pet octopus, and the teenager who spent afternoons in aquariums to nurse his heartbreak.

The conversation branched out from there. He found out more about Kawamura's latest manga release, Okuda's new hobby of learning English, and Hamaoka's new cat that she had adopted when she and her boyfriend moved in together. He also compared graduate school experiences with Hamaoka and another classmate that he also didn't remember the name of.

(Every now and then, Nakamura would sneak in quick glances on Hirose, and he would get reminded every single time why going to this reunion was a dangerous gamble for him.)

"Wow, you three really make me jealous" the classmate who didn't recognize him said, and Nakamura was embarrassed to still not know her name by that point. "I was thinking of taking a graduate course too, but it seemed really daunting."

"Yeah, I didn't have the patience to spend even more time in school," Okuda added, her tone telling Nakamura that the alcohol was already doing its job. "The moment I was done with college, I told myself I'd never go back in a classroom again."

"Same," Oomori agreed, and Nakamura was surprised that he had ended up listening to their side of the table instead. "That's why I'm surprised Hirose became a teacher. I thought he'd be sick of school by now!"

The mention of his name was almost Pavlovian, with Nakamura shifting his attention to the other side of where Oomori was seated. Takeuchi's voice was still as loud as ever, and it seemed like it was being amplified by the bottle he was holding.

"I can't believe someone was actually stupid enough to become your girlfriend!" he heard Takeuchi say. "Is she into boring dudes?"

"Very funny," Mukai replied in his usual deadpan tone. "It's still new, but they've been great so far."

"I'm really happy for you, Mukai," Hirose said sincerely. "You should introduce them to us sometime!"

"To you, maybe. But to Takeuchi, hell no."

"Asshole!" Takeuchi said with mock offense. He then turned to Hirose and asked, "What about you? You dating anyone?"

It was something Nakamura had spent nights preparing for, overhearing something about Hirose's love life again. He could only imagine how much more expansive Hirose's dating history had become in 10 years, while Nakamura's own list remained empty.

"Nah, there's no one right now," he heard Hirose reply. Nakamura almost breathed a sigh of relief, but then he heard Takeuchi's follow-up question.

"Huh? That's weird for you," Takeuchi said. "You looking for someone? There's this girl at work who I can set you up with."

"Wow, you setting someone else up instead of going for her yourself?" Mukai teased. "I can't believe you actually matured after all these years."

"Hey, fuck you!" Takeuchi huffed. "So what do you say, Hirose? She's totally your type."

Hirose only shrugged in reply. "What's she like?"

The static in Nakamura's ears blocked out Takeuchi's reply. He told himself that it was fine, that it was just an extension of how Hirose was like in high school. He had three years of experience seeing Hirose date women—did the years that follow make him let down his guard?

He willed himself to stay calm—the last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of his former classmates, especially Hirose. He told himself to breathe through it, to remember all the mental preparation he did in the past week, to repeat the truths he said in his head for the past decade.

And then his phone rang.

The only people who called him were his mother, to check on him, and his boss, to ask about work. He figured it was the latter, and while he was dreading the possibility of having to think about work on a weekend, he was very thankful for the distraction.

And his gratitude only overflowed when he saw the caller ID.

Beside him, he saw Kawamura nodding her head to one of Okuda's stories, but she was clutching her phone underneath, the screen showing a call icon. As if sensing him, Kawamura made a quick glance toward Nakamura and gave him a small, blink-and-you'll-miss-it smile before focusing her attention back to her best friend.

Nakamura took a deep breath and excused himself from the table, saying he had to take a quick call. As if subconsciously, he risked a glance at Hirose, and he was mortified to find that he was looking at him.

He didn't want to think about it as he rushed out of the restaurant.

The night's chill had picked up, Nakamura having to zip up his coat as he stood to the side of the restaurant. There were a few smokers further down the lane, but Nakamura had grown used to the smell back in college, his favorite cafe being next to the block's designated smoking area.

When he checked the time on his phone, he felt pathetic that he only lasted 30 minutes. He had spent more time outside the restaurant than inside it at that point, and with the way his mind was running, he knew that he wouldn't be making up for it.

He was already rehearsing his goodbyes in his mind—settling on an excuse about how his boss gave him a surprise deadline that he had to work on—when he was interrupted by a very familiar voice.

"Nakamura?"

The first thing he noticed was how Hirose's voice was slightly deeper, though it still made his insides melt all the same. He envied all the students who got to hear that voice five days a week—he would be diligently taking notes if Hirose was his teacher.

When he faced him, he realized that he had to angle his head down more than before. While Hirose had definitely grown taller, Nakamura seemed to have outpaced him in that regard. He was also treated to the complete ensemble of Hirose's outfit—a black jacket over his blue polo, and beige pants ending on brown loafers. It made him look cozy and professional at the same time, and Nakamura felt the parts of his brain dedicated to observations about Hirose suddenly come to life after almost a decade of being unused.

"H-Hirose," Nakamura replied. "Good evening."

He saw the brief shock in Hirose's face at the reply, and Nakamura told himself that he would allot the time to overthink it later that night. "No need to be so formal! I hear enough good mornings and good afternoons from my students."

"Ah, s-sorry," Nakamura said, and he already hated how unsure his voice was, even if it had only been five words.

"Don't worry about it," Hirose replied with a smile. "Did your call go OK?"

It was Nakamura's turn to be shocked—he didn't realize Hirose had heard him inside the restaurant. The lie that he had practiced over the past five minutes suddenly dissolved into thin air.

"Y-yeah," he mumbled. "I just needed to take a breather before going back in there."

"That's good," Hirose said as he withdrew a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered it to Nakamura. "You want one?"

Nakamura couldn't wipe the shock off his face quick enough before he declined. "I know, I know," Hirose laughed. "Let's just say I completely understand why Otogiri-sensei was willing to smoke in front of his students even if it wasn't allowed in school grounds."

"I can imagine how hard it is," Nakamura said. "But I'm sure you're a great teacher."

"Not as great of a marine biologist as you!" Hirose replied. "Do you go out to the sea often? Have you seen any weird fish? I wanna know everything!"

Nakamura quickly adjusted Hirose's expectations—he spent most of his days in laboratories and aquariums rather than oceans and beaches, having only done actual fieldwork thrice at that point—but it still didn't diminish Hirose's excitement. So he told him all about the research he was helping out with, the coral species he was currently observing, and the one time when he went scuba diving in the ocean for work. And every time his brain spiraled into thinking he was being boring, Hirose would snap him out of it with an observation or a follow-up question that proved him wrong.

In turn, Hirose shared more about his own work. He had been teaching at Hoshimi High for three years, and Nakamura was willing to bet that he was the students' favorite. Hirose told him about how he felt bad rejecting several students' pleas to be their advisor for an extracurricular club, how grateful he was that some of their own teachers were still there so he could ask them for advice, and how he'd caught students in all sorts of surprising situations.

"The most surprising one didn't come from a student, though," Hirose recalled. "It was when I caught Otogiri-sensei and Niou-sensei making out in the faculty room."

Nakamura choked on his own spit.

"I know! It's been going on for years, but they've been keeping it a secret since dating between teachers technically isn't allowed," Hirose said with a laugh as he took a drag of his second cigarette of the night. "But apparently, a lot of the faculty knows about it, and I think some students have caught on too."

Between his fudanshi brain and persistent curiosity, Nakamura had too many questions. Were they already seeing each other when he was a student? He was willing to bet that Otogiri-sensei made the first move, so how did Niou-sensei react when he confessed? And these teachers who knew about it, how did they react when they found out? And most importantly—

"You don't think it's weird?"

Nakamura didn't realize he said that last question out loud, but thankfully, Hirose only laughed it off. "I mean, I guess it's weird in the sense that I'm talking about two of my high school teachers. But other than that, I'm glad they have each other."

He was about to have an internal cry about how Hirose, wonderful person as he is, was an ally all along, when Hirose added, "Besides, I've dated a few men along the way, so I'd be a hypocrite if I found their relationship weird."

The second after Hirose said that, Nakamura's mind was filled with silence, the relevation seemingly too unbelievable for him to absorb. Three seconds later, the statement of Hirose having dated men just echoed around his head, and he still didn't know how to process it. But eight seconds later, his mind went into overdrive. Hirose liked men? When did this happen? Who else knew about this? Does that mean he's bisexual? How many boyfriends has he had?

And his mind ended on a question that he wasn't sure he wanted the answer of: Was he looking for a boyfriend now?

"Nakamura?"

Hirose snapped him out of his thoughts, and he could see a look of concern on his face. He realized how his silence at the admission must've looked like, and Nakamura immediately apologized.

"I-I'm sorry, sorry!" he said with a bow. "I was just surprised because, uhh, I only ever saw you dating women. But I don't mind! Thank you for telling me and trusting me with it."

"That's good," Hirose said with a smile that Nakamura mentally cataloged. "But I had a feeling that you were going to be OK with it. You're one of the most understanding people I've ever met, after all."

The compliment took Nakamura's breath away, and if he were able to look back at this moment from an objective perspective, he would get why he said what he said next.

"I think this is one of those things that I understand a lot more than most."

But at that moment, his blood ran cold. He thought he already outgrew his phase of finding himself in the most embarrassing situations in front of his crush, but he figured a high school reunion wouldn't be complete without an authentic high school experience.

"What do you mean?" Hirose asked, blissfully unaware of Nakamura's turmoil.

"W-well, I, uhh…"

He never really thought about coming out to anyone other than Kawamura, and even she was an exception since she had connected the dots herself. But to Hirose? He felt like a boat trapped in a whirlpool.

"Hey, Nakamura," Hirose said, the calmness of his voice already starting to lessen his panic. Nakamura thought that Hirose probably used it to help students relax, and it only made him swoon internally even more.

"You don't have to answer the question, alright?" Hirose continued. "I know it's a sensitive topic, so don't force yourself. I'm already glad that you were cool about me being bi."

Nakamura had to hold back his tears at how easily Hirose said it, and how that ease probably took a lot of work. He might not be able to match Hirose's confidence in his lifetime, but he could at least match his honesty for the night. It was one of the many lessons Hirose taught him all those years ago, after all—to be more honest about himself.

"Th-thank you, Hirose," Nakamura said after a deep breath. "I, uhh, I understand it a lot more than other people b-because I'm gay."

Despite how nervous he felt, saying those words out loud felt oddly freeing. When he came out to Kawamura, it was mostly to confirm her suspicions and give her more context to his loneliness. That moment was tinged with sadness, even if he was grateful that it led to his current friendship with Kawamura.

But with Hirose, it felt like a heavy load was lifted off his shoulders. He hoped his 15-year-old self was proud of what he did, though if 10-years-ago Nakamura were to see the current situation, he would probably faint out of sheer panic.

"That's awesome," Hirose said with a smile. "Thanks for telling me. Do others know?"

"You're the second person to find out," Nakamura replied, his words becoming a whisper. "Kawamura's the first."

He expected the look of pity from Hirose, but he didn't expect the hug.

During high school, there were times when Nakamura would imagine what a hug from Hirose would feel like. Early on, he would picture it as part of his grand confession, starting with a hug and eventually leading to a kiss. When Hirose started dating, though, he would adjust his expectations to something more realistic, like congratulating each other on some sort of win, or Hirose cheering Nakamura up.

A hug after coming out felt too impossible to even imagine. Yet here he was, his tears threatening to come down and his mind hopelessly trying to memorize this moment.

And for the first time that night, he felt like he would have regretted it if he didn't attend the reunion.

They shared their experiences after that. Well, Hirose shared his experiences—all Nakamura really contributed was how he knew he was gay since he was very young, how Kawamura found out herself but had been supportive all throughout, and how the BL manga he read helped in a weird but fulfilling way.

While Nakamura dreaded hearing about more people who had the privilege of dating Hirose—and all of them being men only made the pit in his stomach worse—Hirose thankfully focused more on what those relationships taught him instead of who those people were.

"It still stung when some of my exes called me boring," Hirose admitted as he talked around his second piece of chewing gum, having switched out the cigarettes a while ago. "I'm not as affected by it as I was back in high school, but the fact that it keeps coming up is still a bit of a bummer, you know?"

"It sounds unfair," Nakamura replied, mentally cursing out all these people who were lucky enough to date Hirose but still took him for granted. "Just because you don't match their expectations of what you should be as a boyfriend doesn't mean you're boring."

He watched Hirose's eyes widen in shock, and Nakamura was already rehearsing his apology in his mind when Hirose's expression softened into a smile.

"That's a really nice way of putting it," he said. It seemed like he wanted to continue the thought but decided against it, instead going for, "Are you sure you haven't had a boyfriend at all? Coz say that line to any guy who's feeling down, and I'm sure they'll fall in love with you right then and there."

"N-no, no one," Nakamura answered, trying to temper down as much of his nerves as possible. "Like I said, you're the second person to find out I'm gay."

"But surely someone's asked you out before, right? Even if she was a girl?"

Nakamura couldn't help the snort he let out. "No, not at all."

Hirose seemed to regard him for a few moments before continuing, "How about crushes, then?"

Nakamura had been doing a good job with his reactions for the entire time he'd been talking with Hirose, but he couldn't hold back his blush in time. In hindsight, he should've expected the question given how their conversation was going, but the fact that it came from its only valid answer was disarming in the best and worst way.

"That's a yes if I've ever seen one," Hirose teased, his grin becoming wider. "Tell me about one of them! Were they from high school? College? Your current job?"

It was nice of Hirose to assume there was more than one crush. While he could try making up a crush on the spot—it wasn't like he didn't run into any handsome men during his college days—he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep up the lie well enough in front of the truth.

He thought about deflecting and telling Hirose that he didn't want to talk about it, and he knew that Hirose would acquiesce. But there was a part of him—the part that was tired of carrying it alone, the part that RSVPed yes despite the dread, the part that wanted to prove that 10 years did make a difference—that told him to take the opportunity. Besides, if the next time he would have the opportunity to see Hirose again would be in five years, then he'd rather rip the bandage now than continue to feel the itch.

"He was in our class," Nakamura breathed out. "That's why it's embarrassing to talk about."

Hirose didn't need to know about the many other reasons why it was embarrassing, but Nakamura was surprised that instead of eager curiosity, what he saw on Hirose's face was a slight blush.

"I bet it's not as embarrassing as this crush I had," Hirose said after a few moments of silence as he placed the used chewing gum back in its wrapper. "He was in our class, too, and I only realized I had a crush on him when I was a second year in college."

Nakamura's fudanshi brain immediately took over. Who could it have possibly been? Oomori was pretty likely, considering they were childhood friends, so there was a lot of history there to develop an unexpected crush along the way. Mukai always had this chill vibe from what he remembered, so maybe Hirose saw him as the perfect contrast to his own excitable personality? He initially ruled out Takeuchi due to how Hirose acted when they pretend-flirted, but what if Hirose was embarrassed about it because he actually liked the pretend-flirting? He couldn't rule out all of the other classmates he forgot the names of either. What if the crush was inside the restaurant—

"OK, you gotta say something, dude," Hirose interrupted.

"S-sorry!" Nakamura blurted out. "I was just surprised. And I can't help but be curious."

Hirose's laugh was music to his ears. "I'm curious about your crush, too! So how about a deal? I ask questions about your crush, and you can ask me about mine, so we can figure each other's crushes out instead of admitting it ourselves."

Nakamura would definitely get the short end of the stick with that deal, and it wasn't lost on him that they were about to head into one of his favorite BL tropes—a game of 20 Questions, except in this case, only one of the players liked the other. Maybe that was why he agreed to the deal in the end—he was still very curious about Hirose's crush, after all.

"OK, y-you can go first, then," Nakamura said.

"Alright!" Hirose cheered with an eager smile. "When did you start having a crush on him?"

That one was easy. "Since the first day of high school."

"Wh-what? That long?"

"Yeah. I told you it was embarrassing."

"No, I'm just surprised!" Hirose said. "Did you do anything about it? Did he find out?"

"I thought we were taking turns asking the questions?" Nakamura replied with a smile. He almost cracked when Hirose pouted, but his curiosity was stronger.

"Fine. What do you wanna know?"

There were so many potential questions, but Nakamura figured he'd start with the one he wanted the answer to the most. "How did you realize it was a crush after all that time?"

Hirose mulled over the question for a few moments before answering. "When I started accepting the idea of being bi, I asked my college friends a lot of questions about their coming out and their journey to their sexualities, and their experiences recontextualized a lot of things for me. I thought the feelings I had for this classmate was just a different kind of friendship, but thinking of it as a crush made a lot more sense."

Nakamura didn't have enough time to digest that answer when Hirose said, "Man, you started with a deep one! So I'll go with a deep one too. You said it was a first-day crush, so you probably fell for him coz of his looks."

There was no point in Nakamura denying the obvious, so he just nodded in response.

"But if you're still thinking about him after all this time, that must mean the crush became way deeper. So what did you end up liking about that guy?"

Where would Nakamura even begin? The way he lit up every room he walked into? The way his smile made Nakamura weak in the knees? The way he lied about being scared in their after-school film excursion and ended up being adorable the entire time? The way he always puts others' needs first, even if it would make himself uncomfortable? The way he made everyone around him feel part of the conversation, even the weird loner who spent too much time talking about octopuses?

"Everything," he breathed out, and he didn't think he'd be able to find a more fitting answer than that.

"Wow, you really liked this guy, huh?" Hirose said. Nakamura was about to correct that past tense to present tense, but Hirose thankfully interrupted with, "But I'm not gonna let you get away that easily. Give me one specific thing about him that you like!"

There were too many answers that risked giving it away so easily, so Nakamura picked a relatively safe one. "W-well, I always enjoyed his laughs. Even if they were sometimes directed at me, I couldn't feel too bad since his laughter sounded so nice."

"That's so sweet!" Hirose said, and there was a poetry to how it was accompanied by a laugh. "Alright, your turn."

Nakamura already knew what his next question was. "If you could go back in time to our first-year selves, but with you already figuring out it was a crush back then, would you confess to him?"

"Absolutely," Hirose replied without any hesitation. "And I know exactly what day I would've done it, too."

Nakamura was incredibly curious, and he knew from Hirose's smug expression that he noticed it. "Uh-uh, me first. Same question for you."

He let the thought simmer in his head before replying. "I've imagined it hundreds of times, but if I actually got the chance, probably not. You remember how bad I am at making any conversation. I feel like if I confessed, I would've somehow made it sound like I hated him."

Nakamura laughed at his own answer, but he was surprised to be met with Hirose's frown. "Give yourself some credit. I feel like, if you put your mind into it, you would give a really heartfelt confession."

The compliment blew Nakamura away, so much so that all he could really say was a soft "Thank you."

It went on like that for a while. Nakamura did ask what day Hirose was talking about ("Valentine's Day during our first year"), and he also found out what his idea for a first date with his crush would be like ("We'd probably watch a movie") and what he hated about his crush the most ("His self-deprecation").

In turn, Nakamura was treading as carefully as possible with how he was answering his questions. When Hirose asked if he ever gave the crush any gifts, Nakamura said yes, but he didn't elaborate further than those gifts being small tokens. When Hirose asked what animal he would most associate with the crush, his answer was a dog instead of a crab. When Hirose asked what the most surprising thing about his crush was, Nakamura settled on talking about how he seemed to be friends with everyone in their class, even if the real answer was how easy it was to scare him.

Nakamura diligently cataloged each of Hirose's answers, and he couldn't match them to any of Hirose's close friends. But from all the answers, this person must've been someone Hirose already cared about a lot when they were classmates, even if he only saw the crush as a friend at the time.

It was Nakamura's turn to ask a question, and since he couldn't think of one that would help him figure out who this mystery crush was, he went with a question that he thought Hirose would appreciate.

"What's your favorite memory with him?"

He figured Hirose would be happy to talk about a special moment he shared with his crush. But to his surprise, Hirose gave him an intense stare that quickened Nakamura's heartbeat in more ways than one. He was about to retract the question and ask a different one when he got Hirose's reply.

"Our day in Yokohama together during our first-year class trip."

At first, Nakamura took the answer at face value—it was really sweet that Hirose still remembered it fondly after all this time. But then he repeated those words in his mind, processed it, then proceeded to try not to have a meltdown.

The first year of high school didn't hold a lot of good memories for Nakamura, but the biggest exception was the class trip. He had asked Hirose to be his friend that day, only to be pleasantly surprised that Hirose had already seen him as a friend by then. It was a magical day for Nakamura, as Hirose had chosen to spend most of the day with him—and only him.

Nakamura felt like he was discovering a new species of fish while he was on a regular beach visit. The dots were seamlessly connecting in his head, but it was forming a picture that he felt unworthy to look at. If Hirose was talking about what he was really talking about—and Nakamura couldn't find any angle to deny it—then that meant…

"Nakamura?"

Hirose was giving him the same intense stare, though it was now accompanied by a deep blush. Nakamura couldn't help but pinch himself, and he still couldn't believe that this was all very real. All the questions Hirose answered with care, all the questions Hirose asked with intention, all the revelations that were coming out 10 years later—Nakamura couldn't even process it properly to finish that thought.

"Y-yeah?"

"Same question."

Hirose said those two words almost reverently, as if they held the weight of the past 10 years. It took Nakamura a few moments to understand what he was asking, and it took him a few more moments to realize what this impromptu game of 20 Questions was actually meant to do.

"Same answer."

Over the last 10 years, there were many slow mornings or lonely afternoons or quiet nights when Nakamura would imagine what it would have been like if he actually got together with Hirose.

When he was in high school, he would imagine his favorite BL scenes being played out by the two of them instead. When he was in college, he would imagine what it would be like to do the things he usually did alone with Hirose, like loitering around festival stalls or going on morning jogs. When he was taking his graduate studies, he would imagine what it would be like if they lived together, molding the space with each of their personalities and talking about their days over dinner. And when he graduated, his imagined scenarios would be the simplest things, like taking a walk together or listening to music from the same phone.

When he felt lonelier than usual, Nakamura would let his mind wander. Sometimes, the BL scenes he would imagine would be the spicier ones. Sometimes, the pillow he hugged at night would be replaced by Hirose in varying states of undress. And sometimes, he would wonder what kind of unbelievable scenario it would take for him to actually end up sharing a night with Hirose.

He could have never imagined this. Nor did he expect the pit in his stomach after it happened.

They headed to a nearby love hotel shortly after their game of 20 Questions, with Hirose texting Oomori and Mukai that he had to leave and to send everyone else on the table his regards. Nakamura initially didn't want to say anything, but he ended up messaging Kawamura—she at least deserved to know that he was leaving, considering all her efforts to bring him to the class reunion.

She replied with a "Good night" and the winking emoji, but Nakamura was too busy freaking out about a whole list of things to process what that reply meant. Like the fact that Hirose had kissed him hungrily before they decided to leave the restaurant, or that Hirose had suggested a hotel so that they could continue whatever they were doing somewhere more private, or that Hirose was holding his hand with an almost vice-like grip as they walked through the Shibuya streets.

When they got to the hotel room, Nakamura's memories became a highlight reel, as remembering everything was too overwhelming. He remembered mumbling out the fact that this was his first time doing anything to this degree, and Hirose erasing any sort of embarrassment he had about it by saying how honored he was to be his first. He remembered the moment Hirose asked him to stop, and the overwhelming sense of panic that he felt thinking that he was ruining the experience, only for Hirose to say that he wanted it to last a little bit longer. He remembered how, even if his vision was filtered by his tears, Hirose still looked like the most beautiful person in the world through it all.

And that was the vision that greeted him at that moment as reality began creeping up on him.

Nakamura had only ever seen Hirose asleep once, and it was in a much less favorable situation. Unlike that gym closet, he could appreciate how soft and gentle Hirose looked, especially how it contrasted with the maturity that came with a decade. Hirose truly was beautiful, even if his body was only haloed by the dim light of the hotel room's lamp. His ears might still be playing Hirose's moans and breathy exclamations of "Nakamura!" on loop, but this was the picture that his eyes would never forget.

He was glad he could make all those memories, because they were all that he would have after that night.

Nakamura made sure to be as quiet as possible when he got out of bed, fixed himself in the restroom, and went out of the hotel room. He left a note saying that he would pay for the booking and thanking Hirose for everything, and while he considered adding more—a phone number, a heart, an invitation to meet up again—he ended up just signing it with his name.

His body went on autopilot as he went home, his journey being accompanied by the sunrise. Even with selected scenes from the previous hours continuously replaying in his head, Nakamura didn't react to any of it—he just let the footage play as he silently watched from the audience.

It was only when he got home, after changing out of his clothes and feeding Icchan, that he let himself cry.

They were in their second year of high school when Kawamura asked him about it.

He ended up being classmates with her again, along with Mukai and Hamaoka. Nakamura didn't know if he was relieved or bummed that he wasn't classmates with Hirose again, but there was a particular day when the pendulum swung heavily on one side.

While he was on cleaning duty, Nakamura had accidentally seen Hirose kissing Yokota when he looked out the classroom window. He let the scene burn in his mind as he quickly finished his tasks, packed his bag, and headed to a secluded corner in the school's topmost floor that he called his crying spot.

It was on top of a set of stairs that led to what must have been an abandoned storage room, as the door was blocked off by unused class chairs and cleaning supplies. He had discovered it one lunchtime during his first year, when the sight of Hirose feeding Sakamoto a part of his bento became too much to bear for him. He wandered the school for a place where he could let out his emotions in peace, and the spot was private enough so that no one would hear his sobs.

Nakamura visited the spot whenever he found his heartbreak too overwhelming in the middle of school, and the habit had slowly extended to after-school hours. His family's reaction to his constant crying had turned from overt irritation to thinly-veiled concern, so he made sure to leave his emotions at school.

If he really thought about it, Nakamura knew that the crying was getting ridiculous. Yokota was already Hirose's third girlfriend, so he should've already been used to it. But whenever he saw tangible proofs of the impossibility of his crush, his heart would break a little more, and sometimes his tears couldn't help but overflow.

"Nakamura?"

He froze upon hearing his name—no one had ever found him in his crying spot before. And when he looked up, the color drained from his face as he saw the concerned expression of Kawamura staring back at him.

"K-Kawamura," he stuttered out. "What, uhh, why, I mean… how did you find me?"

"I followed you," she admitted, "because it seemed like you had a lot on your mind while we were on cleaning duty, so I wanted to make sure you were OK."

He knew he should've felt touched that someone noticed, but all Nakamura could feel was shame.

"O-oh," he sniffed. "I-I'm sorry you had to see me like this. But I'm f-fine. You don't have to worry."

"I think we both know that's not true," Kawamura replied. "Can I sit next to you?"

Nakamura nodded as he scooted closer to the wall and put his bag on his lap, giving Kawamura more than enough space to sit. He hastily dried his eyes with his shirt sleeve as best as he could, though he could feel more tears threatening to make the gesture useless.

"I'm sorry if I'm crossing a line," Kawamura said. "It's just… I feel like you've been really sad lately, Nakamura."

He couldn't deny it, so he let the observation linger between them. "Really sad" was putting it lightly—he felt hollowed out by the loneliness, as if all the other emotions didn't want to compete anymore. Instead, all the compatible ones like shame, frustration, and envy just piled on top of each other to create a never-ending pit, and Nakamura was left with no choice but to let it completely consume him.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Kawamura continued. "But is this about Hirose?"

He let out a gasp at the name, and Nakamura properly looked at her this time. There was a sense of understanding in her eyes, as if the question wasn't really a question but a confirmation.

"How did you figure it out?" Nakamura asked.

"I suspected it when you asked me to continue that manga," she replied. "And I did see how, when we were in first year, you would sometimes look at Hirose in such a dreamy way. But something changed after Valentine's Day."

It was spot on, so Nakamura nodded. "I know it's stupid, still being hung up on it after all this time. But seeing him live a normal life with his normal girlfriend… it just reminds me how I could never have that with him."

He couldn't hold back the tears then, and he felt Kawamura lightly rub his back to try to calm him down. The kiss with Yokota blended with all the other moments that refused to leave his mind, which only made him cry harder. Not to mention the fact that the secret he was determined to take to his grave was now out in the open.

"K-Kawamura," he began in between tears, "pl-please don't tell anybody about this. I've never told anyone. You're the first person to know."

"Of course, Nakamura," she assured him. "Your secret's safe with me. I won't even tell Okuda or Hamaoka about it."

"Th-thank you." He took another breath before saying, "Sorry if my personal BL story's a downer."

"Don't worry, there are a lot of angsty titles in my top 10," Kawamura said with a smile. "And besides, you're still fighting for your happy ending, right?"

"I don't know about that. It's not like my crush on him is gonna disappear."

"Well, who said that was the only happy ending available?"

Nakamura appreciated the thought, but he only shook his head at the implication. "Thanks, but I don't think I'll be able to let go of that ending anytime soon, even if I know how out of reach it is."

Kawamura took a breath before saying, "If that's the case, you can talk to me about it, if you want. You don't have to deal with it alone."

"I don't want to be a bother."

"You won't be," she assured him. "I won't be able to give you solid advice or anything, but I can at least listen to what you have to say. And if you just want to talk, it doesn't have to be about him either. We could just talk about the latest issue of Lovable Lunches or trade BL recommendations or something. We're friends, right?"

He held back his wince at the word, because he had already lost his only other friend to heartbreak. But he wanted to believe Kawamura was going to be different, that she was going to help him with his loneliness rather than aggravate it.

"Th-thank you, Kawamura," he mumbled out. "I don't deserve all this kindness."

"You do, Nakamura," she said. "Here, let's exchange LINE IDs. Whenever you need someone to talk to, I'll listen."

While Nakamura was perfectly content with spending the rest of the day crying his heart out, the constant LINE notifications from his phone told him that he wouldn't have the luxury of doing so. There was only one person who messaged him that frequently in LINE, and true enough, Kawamura was inviting him to have lunch at their favorite manga cafe.

That's how Nakamura found himself in front of a plate of seafood curry as he told Kawamura what had happened the night before. He was slightly hesitant to tell her about what Hirose revealed, but when Kawamura said that she already knew about Hirose being bi, Nakamura couldn't stop himself from telling her all about the coming out and the 20 Questions and the hotel room—though he spared her the intimate details, even if he knew she would have been more than happy to hear about it.

"So you had a perfect night," Kawamura said after Nakamura finished his story. "Why do you look so sad then? That night was probably everything you've ever dreamed of."

"It was," Nakamura confirmed. "But I also know it was just that—one night."

"What?!"

"Hirose just wanted closure on a high school crush that he didn't get the chance to act on," Nakamura explained, but each word felt like barbed wire in his mouth. "And now that he's gotten it, he'll just forget about me again."

"That's stupid," Kawamura said with an almost terrifying sense of certainty. "And I know you know that's stupid."

"It's stupid but it's true! There's no other possible explanation for what happened!"

"How about the simplest one? That he likes you and wanted to spend the night with you."

Nakamura laughed at the absurdity of the thought. "Sure, as if he'd ever like someone like me."

"What makes that so hard to believe?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm this pathetic loser who never got over his first crush 10 years ago? Maybe the fact that he's the life of the party while I'm the sad sack bringing the mood down? Maybe the fact that I'm nothing compared to all those college ex-boyfriends who were confident and open about their sexualities instead of hiding behind the curtain?"

Nakamura could sense some of the cafe's customers looking at him since he raised his voice, but he couldn't find it in him to be embarrassed. His mind was too jumbled with the memories of the night before and how they made him want to run away and stay still at the same time.

"Last night was amazing, and I still can't believe it happened at all," he continued in a much softer voice. "But imagining it leading to something more isn't a mistake I'm going to make. Hirose deserves someone way better than the guy who pined for him for a decade and turned it into a chore rather than a privilege. He's better off with someone who actually knows what he's doing."

Nakamura could only describe that night as a miracle—maybe it was the universe giving him mercy and deciding that he should have a fun time once in a while. But he knew not to get greedy, and he knew the disappointment that awaited if he let himself hope, if he let himself believe—

"Why are you deciding for him?"

Nakamura had only met up with Kawamura a few times ever since they graduated high school, but he knew her well enough to recognize her serious voice.

"Wh-what?"

"Why are you deciding for him?" Kawamura repeated. "Why are you so sure that's how Hirose thinks about you?"

He thought the answer was pretty obvious. "Coz I have nothing to give. How would a nobody like me fit in his life? When he compares me to his exes, he'll see how much of a hopeless case I am."

"That's a mean thing to say about Hirose."

Kawamura only looked at him with a straight face when she said those words, but he could feel the intensity in her eyes.

"Do you really think that's how Hirose sees you?" she continued. "If he thinks one of his close friends is a hopeless case, then what does that say about Hirose as a person?"

"I didn't mean it that way!"

"But it's what you're implying," Kawamura pointed out. "If you're saying that Hirose wouldn't want to be with you because he sees you as a hopeless case, then what I'm getting is that Hirose told all those intimate stories, admitted things that he'd been keeping for years, and even shared what you said was an amazing night in a hotel room with someone he apparently thinks badly about."

Nakamura let the thought linger, and he found himself unable to make any retort. He knew that Hirose would never think about Nakamura that way, and it truly was unfair that he was putting words in Hirose's mouth that Nakamura knew he would never say.

"Look, I know that Hirose brings out a lot of complicated feelings for you," Kawamura said after a few moments. "And I don't blame you for being overwhelmed about him returning your feelings. I mean, I'm also overwhelmed, and I only ship you two from the sidelines."

"You ship us?!"

"But Nakamura, I don't want you to turn away from this because you don't think you deserve it. If you truly don't want to pursue it, then that's your decision to make. But if you're holding yourself back because of some standard that you think you don't reach, then you aren't giving Hirose a fair chance."

"It just doesn't make any sense," Nakamura said in defeat. "Why would he want anything to do with me after all this time?"

"That's something you have to ask him instead of filling in the answer yourself."

"I don't even know if he wants to talk to me after leaving him this morning."

"I'm pretty sure the 10 LINE messages he sent me asking if I have your number and if I knew where you live means he does."

Nakamura could only stare at Kawamura as she drank her tea, though he could see the edges of a smile on her face.

"How long have you been waiting to make that reveal?"

"Ever since you walked into the cafe."

Nakamura couldn't help the laugh he let out. "How does this whole scenario compare to the manga you're currently writing?"

"I'm taking notes so I could make my plots way more dramatic."

His laughter became louder after that, and Kawamura had even joined him. Nakamura truly was thankful to have her in his corner—he didn't know what he did to deserve it, but he wasn't going to take it for granted.

"But seriously, you should talk to him," Kawamura said as she took out her phone. "All the doubts you've told me, you should tell him so that you're on the same page. Whatever comes out of this, I think Hirose at least deserves your honesty."

Nakamura got a LINE notification after that, and he knew exactly what the message contained.

"Thank you, Kawamura," he said with a bow. "I'll make it up to you in our next lunch. You can rant to me about your stupid clients then."

"It's OK. If all I have to do is give you a pep talk to make my Nakahiro ship canon, then it was time well spent."

"OK, seriously, how long have you been shipping us?!"

Nakamura asked Hirose to meet him in one of his favorite parks.

Shinjuku Gyoen may be quite far from where he currently lived, but Nakamura always liked visiting it. When he was in college, it was one of his homework spots when libraries and cafes became too suffocating, and when aquariums became too linked to his studies and work, it became his go-to place for clearing his mind. While the crowd was sometimes too large, Nakamura found that he didn't mind it as much as he thought he would—all the conversations and camarerie he overheard made him feel a little less lonely.

He only messaged Hirose when he settled down in one of the gazebos near the lake, since he wanted some time to himself to think about what he wanted to say. He was going to apologize, of course, as on the way to the park, he realized just how bad of an impression he left when Hirose woke up to an empty hotel room that morning. The shame he felt was almost enough for him to go down the next stop and take the opposite train, but he remembered Kawamura's advice: "Hirose deserves your honesty."

Hirose deserved a lot more than that, Nakamura thought, but his honesty was a good place to start. If Hirose was comfortable enough to share his frustrations about how his exes never fully understood him, then Nakamura should be able to tell him why he had no exes to speak of. He was dreading how awkward he was going to be and how pathetic he would sound, but he knew that he needed to do this. Hirose valued honesty more than anything, after all.

If Hirose really did like him that way, then he needed to know what he was dealing with. And Nakamura was already prepared for Hirose to back out once he told him—if he were in Hirose's shoes, he'd probably do the same thing.

But oddly, Nakamura couldn't find it in him to feel heartbroken about that outcome. He already got the best possible thing shy of an actual relationship—a glimpse into his dreams about Hirose coming true. Ten years ago, Nakamura was convinced that his loneliness was punishment for daring to have those dreams at all, but Hirose was able to make them a reality, even if it was just one night.

Nakamura should definitely thank Hirose for that, and for being understanding about the complicated feelings tied to his coming out. And he should explain why he left him alone that morning, but he shouldn't make it sound like he blames Hirose for these insecurities. And he should assure Hirose that he wouldn't bother him again—

"Nakamura?"

He saw Hirose standing at the other end of the short pathway leading up to the gazebo. Nakamura almost laughed at how frustratingly picturesque Hirose looked—his faded orange hoodie complementing the autumn leaves falling around him, his hair being blown by the breeze with a dramatic flair, the distance giving Nakamura a panoramic view of the full composition—if it weren't for the fact that Hirose's face looked like he was seconds away from crying.

"H-Hirose?" Nakamura said as he stood up. "Are you OK? What happened—"

He couldn't complete the sentence as he was engulfed in a hug.

Nakamura was relieved that he was able to steady himself from the impact, with Hirose burying his face in Nakamura's right shoulder as he hugged him tightly. For a few moments, Nakamura didn't know what to do, but when he heard the sniffles, he returned the hug and started patting Hirose's back.

"I thought," Hirose said in between tears, "I thought you were going to disappear again."

The "again" is what did it for him. Nakamura felt a bit pathetic tearing up when he was supposed to be consoling someone who was crying, but he couldn't help it. He realized at that moment that all the worries he brought to the park didn't matter at all, that each minute he spent from leaving the hotel room to that point was a mistake he couldn't undo.

"I'm so, so sorry, Hirose," Nakamura breathed out. "I didn't— I mean, I couldn't— I left you this morning because I was scared. I didn't do it to hurt you. Please believe that."

"I do believe you," Hirose replied. "And I'm sorry, too, for everything I did in the last 10 years that made you scared. I just… I don't want this thing between us to end like the others. I want you to stay."

Later, when Nakamura was lying on his bed, this was the moment that would replay in his mind. Not the conversation they had afterward where Nakamura explained his insecurities and Hirose accepted it with open arms, not the revelation that Hirose had wanted to reconnect with Nakamura for the past few years, not the plans they made to go on a movie date the following weekend, not the kiss they shared outside of the train station before they went their separate ways, and not the few seconds following that kiss when Hirose ran back to get another kiss in.

And as he stared at his apartment's ceiling, trying and failing to fall asleep, Nakamura felt that he was finally working toward giving his high school self the happy ending he deserved.