Chapter Text
Dr. Trinity Santos was sure of two things about Dr. Baran Al Hashimi. First: she was hot as hell. Second: that was her only redeeming quality. Trinity was NOT happy about Dr. Robby's sabbatical in the first place, and the fact that his replacement was a strict, holier than thou tight-ass was salt in the wound. AND she was changing things up way too much for Trinity's liking. First the damn patient passports and AI charting and now she wants to start having 1:1 meetings with each resident EVERY month? Who the hell in their line of work has time for that? And for what? So she can ream them all out more for not charting fast enough? No thank you.
"Thank you for making time in your busy schedule for this Dr. Santos" Al Hashimi's quietly confident voice broke Trinity out of her mental bitch session.
"I didn't realize I had a choice in the matter" she retorted, earning her a narrowed eye from the Attending.
"Oh, you don't." Replied Al Hashimi. They were sat across from one another in the family room. Trinity picked awkwardly at her cuticles and looked anywhere but at her attending. Al Hashimi, meanwhile, held a tablet in her hands and stared directly at the young resident, almost like she was trying to see right through her.
Maybe she can. Trinity thought to herself with a shudder.
"I know this type of check in is new for this department, but I assure you it's quite ordinary in the majority of other workplaces. I'll inform you of what I see you doing well and what I believe you need to improve upon, and you'll have space to ask me any questions or air any grievances you may have." Dr. Al Hashimi paused. When Trinity said nothing her expression shifted just slightly.
"Do you understand, Dr. Santos?" She asked, pointedly.
"Yeah, I understand. Get on with it then. I need to chart faster, play nicer with others, whatever else." Santos waved her hand dismissively and set her brow, preparing for a blowback of some sort to her sass.
Al Hashimi just smiled. "Good to see you're aware of your areas for growth." Santos rolled her eyes at that.
"Now where do you think you excel, Dr. Santos?" Al Hashimi cocked her head to the side and waited patiently.
Trinity was taken aback at that but quickly recovered, falling naturally into a practiced bravado.
"Well, I'm pretty much a genius, an expert diagnostician, cool under pressure, and basically all around perfect." She crossed her arms and sat back looking smug. Dr. Al Hashimi's smile widened and she let out a breath (almost a laugh?)
"I'm not sure I would cosign that last point but I agree on quite a few of those." She looked down to her tablet, "You are quite a talented diagnostician, and definitely cool under pressure. Your dedication to your patients is admirable, though your bedside manner could do with some refinement. And though you complain - loudly - about it, I also see you stepping up to assist your colleagues when they need it. So, yes, maybe you could outwardly "play nicer with others", but the collaborative spirit is already there. It just needs to be nurtured."
There was a pause. Trinity's eyes had gone wide at the unexpectedly detailed performance review. She hadn't realized how observant the attending had clearly been and suddenly felt a little exposed. She cleared her throat.
"Nurture my collaborative spirit, you got it, boss. Anything else, or can I go back to actually doing my job now?"
"Not quite yet" The Attending said. She put down her iPad and uncrossed her legs, leaning forward and pinning Trinity down with an intense stare.
"Your insubordination and flagrant disrespect for authority is a problem Dr. Santos. One I expect you to be very mindful to reign in, particularly in front of patients and other staff. You don't have to like me, but I am your attending, and your sarcasm and snark will not be tolerated here any more."
Trinity gulped.
"Is that understood, Dr. Santos?"
What a bitch.
"Understood." Trinity gritted out.
"Excellent. Lastly, I'd like to discuss Dr. Langdon." Trinity had started to rise from her chair, wanting desperately for this meeting to be over, but she slumped back down at that and groaned.
"I understand now that Dr. Langdon stole from this hospital, that you blew the whistle, and that it went unreported by Dr. Robinavitch - is that correct?"
Blood rushed away from Trinity's face.
How did she know that? Did Robby tell her? There was no way Langdon would have, right?
"Is that correct, Dr. Santos?" The attending repeated.
Trinity swallowed hard and nodded.
"And he retaliated against you when he suspected you knew something?"
"Yes." Trinity looked down at her hands in her lap, unable to hold Al Hashimi's intense gaze.
“Retaliated how?” She asked.
When Trinity answered her voice was embarrassingly small.
"He yelled at me in front of a room full of people, questioned my competence at every turn, gaslit me... it was my first fucking day."
Trinity was humiliated to feel her eyes heat up with tears. She blinked them back rapidly. No fucking way was she crying in front of Robodoc.
She steeled herself and looked up. She half expected the older woman to scold her for cussing, but was surprised to see Dr. Al Hashimi's face soften.
"I'm sorry you experienced that." She said, gently, and with enough care to make Trinity's skin crawl.
"As a whistle blower there should have been protections put in place for you upon Dr. Langdon's return. At this point I would like to put those protections in place, and - if you would like me to - officially report the theft and cover-up."
Trinity stared, dumbfounded at the attending. She was being taken seriously, being validated, believed, protected, by someone above her - someone with no real reason to care.
“I will only report this if you want me to, Dr. Santos. I can tell it had quite an impact on you. I think you deserve a say in where and how far it goes from here.”
Trinity's eyes welled up again and she looked to the ceiling, blinking rapidly while letting out a breath to ground herself. Dr. Al Hashimi just waited, quietly, casting her eyes down to give Trinity a moment to compose herself.
When she was ready, and confident enough in her ability to not fucking cry, Trinity returned her gaze to her manager.
"Don't report it.” She said, "I just want it behind me."
"Understood." the attending said, simply. Trinity was reminded of when she had said the same, just a few minutes earlier, through angry gritted teeth.
What a fucking roller coaster of a conversation.
"I plan to instruct both Dana and the other Attendings to avoid assigning you and Dr. Langdon cases together, and I will instruct Dr. Langdon the same. If there comes a time when you need to be on a case together, myself or another attending or senior resident will do our best to join and observe. If any questionable or retaliatory behavior occurs again - you come right to me, Dr. Santos. Any such behavior will not be tolerated."
Trinity shook her head lightly, barely believing what she was hearing.
"Thank you" she said, small.
Dr. Al Hashimi smiled sadly. "I'm just doing what should have been done weeks ago." She said. "Now, is there anything else you want to discuss? Questions, concerns.... complaints?" She offered. Trinity just shook her head, still reeling from the turns the conversation had taken.
"Okay, well then you're welcome to return to "actually doing your job" now." She smiled. "Thank you Dr. Santos."
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"She offered to report him???" Dennis asked, incredulously. They sat side by side on the bus as it trudged along the crowded Pittsburgh streets.
"And Robby." Trinity nodded.
"And left it up to you?"
"Yep."
"Oh my gosh"
"Right? Robodoc has a couple surprises in her." Trinity paused, "though I guess it makes sense she would want it reported with her lust for the rules."
“But to leave it up to you, though? That's pretty considerate.”
“I guess.”
"Why did you say no??" Dennis asked.
"I just want to be done with the whole thing. And if it comes out now I'll probably end up looking like a petty bitch for reporting it right when he's getting his life back in order." She let her head press to the cool glass of the window. "Plus, I don't want Robby to get any heat." She said, smaller.
"Yeah, good point." Dennis agreed. "Well I'm glad to hear you're warming up to Dr. Al Hashimi. I think she's pretty cool actually."
"GAG Dennis. I'm not "warming up" to her" Trinity aggressively quoted in midair, "just because she did one halfway decent thing. She's still a pain in my ass."
"We'll see." Dennis said, earning him an elbow to the side.
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That night Al Hashimi's words rang in Trinity's head, mingling with echoes from her past as she tried unsuccessfully to will herself to sleep.
Your insubordination and flagrant disrespect for authority is a problem
Is it hubris or ignorance that makes you think that you know more than other residents
Your sarcasm and snark will not be tolerated here any more
The only thing that you have been successful at is proving repeatedly that you know nothing
You made your bed now fucking lie in it
Trinity sat bolt upright. She gripped her head in her hands, breath shallow and jaw clenched as pang after pang of shame pierced through her. She stifled a sob, wanting desperately to avoid waking Dennis. Her mind traveled back to the family room, to the humiliation of tears threatening to fall in front of Al Hashimi, to the unbearable softness she had been met with. The care and concern that she didn't deserve didn't deserve didn't deserve.
It was too much. She reached for her bedside drawer, pulling out a case of replacement razor blades.
The noise in her head concentrated and narrowed to a pinpoint as she dragged the blade over herself. She breathed deep and slow, finally feeling everything go quiet, feeling her brain focus in on the sting, the beads of blood, the simple rhythm of the next steps. Wash, disinfect, bandage.
She barely remembered going to and from her en suite bathroom, but soon enough she was bandaged and back in bed. Sleep took her without complaint after that, the dull pulsing pain in her thigh soothing her mind.