Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Something Wonderful/ He’s Gone Away

We had a big family. Resources were always pinched…well, they became a lot tighter in recent years. We had two older siblings, and three younger ones. Larxene and Cloud were in high school at the time. Sora and Pence were still in middle school, and little Nami was in fourth grade.
I say “we” because it was always a “we.” Myself and Roxas. The twins. Technically, I was the elder, born thirteen minutes ahead of Roxas. Somehow, that translated into our personalities. I was always slightly more confident. People always said that I was more outgoing, while Roxas was more subdued. I just think that he thought about things a little more thoroughly than I did, and this, in turn, caused him to take negative reactions to anything he did, or anything around him, to heart. But we were always together, and whenever one of us would get hurt, the other would be there, to comfort, to calm. We shared a bed, in the same room with Cloud and Sora, who had bunk beds. I remember whispering with Roxas several hours into the night, over Sora’s (as to be expected) boisterous snores.
I was always around them. That’s why this hurts so much. I am alone now. Totally alone. Three days of being totally alone. They are looking for me, even if they are not searching for me, I know Roxas is looking for me each day from the school bus as it speeds across town. Two and a half years. Then we’ll be eighteen, and I’ll find him. I won’t have to hide anymore, and neither will he, in his own way. That’s how this all started. Even if I’m here, I’m glad I could protect my brother. I’m glad it’s me here and not him.
I stare at the dirty alleyway. I shiver lightly. I’ll have to find somewhere warmer to sleep when the temperature drops. I’ve been on the streets for three days, but it feels like a lifetime, I pull my knees closer to my chest, and lean against the trashcan and the wall, hidden from view in this makeshift corner. A group of giggling women pass by the entrance of the alleyway. Why is everyone around here after dark drunk?
Think about more positive things. Think about Roxas. Roxas had drawn into himself when we got to middle school. He still did things with his friends, but he seemed to fake every smile. And our secret look, was full of knowing. Then he met Axel. I didn’t like the beanpole redhead at first. Roxas didn’t blame me, and simply said ‘don’t judge a book by its cover.’ The longer he and Roxas dated, light slowly came back into Roxas’s eyes. His smiles became more genuine. I was envious that it was Axel that could have such an effect on my little twin, but grateful all the same. Then I began to hang out with them on occasion, and I liked Axel even more. He seemed like a mix of Larxene and Sora: hard as nails attitude, but eternally happy and contented.
Last week Roxas whispered to me, “I’m coming out to mom and dad.”
“Does Axel know?” I whispered back, interlacing our fingers like we did when we were little.
“No, I want it to be my two year anniversary present to him. I don’t have anything else to give.”
“That’s not the main reason, right?” I stared at his eyes, which were the same hue as my own, but if you looked closely, you could see the design in the irises were different.
“No,” Roxas said slowly, “It will be a relief.”
“Yeah,” I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. “When?”
“Tuesday after school?”
“Yeah.” We stared at each other for a long time.
“I don’t know how they will react,” Roxas whispered quietly, maybe forty-five minutes later.
“I have no idea either, Rox.”
As they day came approached, we slept closer and closer. The night before we were wrapped up in each other, like we sometimes did when winter approached and our parents didn’t want to put on the heat yet or get out the electric blankets.
A drunk stumbles into the alleyway. I try to make myself smaller against the wall. My stomach inopportunely rumbles, and I feel the color drain from my face. The drunk is mumbling to himself as he staggers, kicking a few pieces of trash. Great, a belligerent one, I think to myself. The second night on the street I had to run quickly away from a belligerent drunk. I didn’t want to deal with it again. If I’m lucky, he won’t notice me. If I’m really lucky, he’ll leave. He mumbles, “Fucking bitch,” and tries to kick a can but falls down instead. I hear his labored breathing. He’s not passed out, but just down momentarily. If I got up and made a run for it, I wouldn’t have to worry about him, but I like this alleyway. Not many people come into it, and it smells like rotten food and stale water, but not like urine and vomit. It’s protected from the wind and one of the restaurants has a steam exhaust near the back, keeping it slightly warmer. There’s also the outlet of a small Laundromat, which puts out hot air from the driers, giving one corner of the alleyway a dryer sheet smell, which is a nice reprieve at times.
The drunk mumbles again, and then snores lightly. My memories flood me again.
Roxas and I were sitting at the dining room table. Hands held underneath, like we did during family meals on special occasions. Roxas’ hand was trembling.
“Well, we don’t have all day. What’s worth the theatrics, Roxas?” Mom asked.
Mom and Dad were sitting across from us, and had made time for “Roxas’s announcement.”
“Mom, Dad,” he started. Then there were the flashes. I knew, I knew in that moment they were going to react badly. I didn’t know how badly, I just felt it. So I did what I always did, I protected Roxas, because it would tear him apart. Because he just got his smile back, even though they never noticed it was gone. Because I can roll with the punches better than he can. But most of all because I was afraid. I was afraid of seeing him get hurt.
“I’m gay,” I gushed. Our parents were shocked. There was no emotion on their faces. I thought that was a good sign to keep going. “I’ve been dating a guy for, like, three years. We’re…um…really serious. I want you to meet him. He’s a gre—“
That when I saw it: the color change. Dad’s face went bright red, like it did when Cloud told him the family car was side swiped by another car while he was driving Namine to preschool. Mom’s face paled, like it did when Sora broke her fine china platter two Thanksgivings ago. Roxas’s hand stopped shaking, and simply rested in mine. I looked at him, his face was empty, like it was three years ago. I was nervous, for us.
“Asshole! Stupid,” the drunk was awake again, and trying to stand up. After a few floundering attempts, he staggered out of the alleyway. I breathed deeply, not realizing I had been holding my breath since he got here. I shifted against the trashcan, extending one leg, and curling against the wall.
“You are no son of mine.” My father’s voice was grave.
“Disgusting,” was my mother’s two cents.
“Get out, before you infect the rest of them,” my father looked at me in the eyes. I saw nothing but fury there. Dark intent.
“Don’t show your face to any of our sweet children again,” Mom added. That shocked Roxas, and all of a sudden, he was squeezing the life out of my hand. “Get out!” she screamed.
My father’s hand was on the collar of my shift and he pulled me quickly from the table. The fabric tightened around my throat. He had thrown out a dog that Sora had once, like this. I stumbled trying to keep up with his huge steps. He half dragged me to the front door. I looked behind me to see Mom holding Roxas like a vice. His face showed his heart breaking into a million pieces.
“Roxas—“
I was thrown out the front door. I heard my father yell, “Don’t ever dare come back here again!” But my eyes were locked with Roxas’.
Before the door slammed I hear his small voice call for me, “Ven.”
I awoke with a start when someone dumped a bag of trash into the trash bin. I curled up tightly, then heard another bag of trash land in the bin. A couple of footsteps, and a man was standing over me. I didn’t dare look up. I had a pretty good idea who it was.
“Oy! Sewer rat, I told you, you can’t sleep here.” He kicked me, harder than necessary, in the leg.
I stood up quickly, said “okay, okay,” tiredly. Although it probably sounded like I was annoyed, I wasn’t, I was just tired, and hungry, and cold. I walked down the alley to the other exit, past the Laundromat.
“Damn rats taking over the city,” the man muttered angrily.
I walked and walked and walked. I saw the sunrise from a bench in one of the small city parks. I walked and walked some more. I started passing by a lot of cafes. My stomach rumbled loudly, responding to the waft of coffee and sweet pastries in the air. My stomach hurt, and I was really tired, and really dirty. I passed by a fountain. I put my hands in it, rinsing off some of the dirt from the alley. The water had chlorine in it. I smiled, the first time in days. I could come back here tonight and wash off some. I’d rather smell like a swimming pool than a trash can any day. I looked at my reflection in the water. My eyes had bags under them, and there was a smudge of grim across my cheek. I wiped it off with some water.
“Ew, like, what a gross little boy,” a girl sitting on one of the benches near the fountain. She took a sip from a bright green straw.
“I think IT heard you, Drizella,” an ugly red head next to her took a bit of a large muffin. My mouth watered at the sight of it.
“Stop, like, looking at us, you nasty little thing,” the first girl said. I looked back into the fountain, and many coins on the bottom, including several quarters. I could pick those out tonight and use them to buy some food.
“Ugh, did you smell that? I lost my appetite. Let’s go to class,” the red head threw down her muffin and stomped off.
“Sheesh, see what you did!” The first girl threw her empty cup at me. I batted it away. “Hmpf!” she glared at me, then stormed off after her friend.
I sighed, but then looked at the muffin on the ground and ran over to it, picking it up, brushing and blowing it off, then took a bite and walked away from the fountain towards the street.
After a few blocks I reached huge bright gates proclaiming, “Land of Departure University.” My legs ached as if in sync with my mind. I must have walked eighty blocks. The realization hit me and my stomach churned, apparently disagreeing with the sweet chocolate in the muffin I had just stuffed my face with. I looked down at the empty wrapper. University students must have a lot of money, to waste such things…maybe settling around here is a good idea, if they throw a lot of perfectly good food away. And there’s the fountain.
A week progressed. The first thing I bought with money from the fountain? Three bottles of water. I had a small corner in a small alley between a Laundromat and an Italian restaurant. It was really narrow, the after thought of two closely built buildings. Every evening I refilled the water bottles from a water fountain outside of the architecture building. I had never smoked before, but started to pick out half smoked cigarettes from the fine arts building’s outside ash trays. I had found a lighter the second day. I smoked a cigarette now and looked through some trash outside one of the dorms. It was probably about 4:30am. Everyone was asleep, and I avoided, to the best of my ability, the security guards that patrolled the campus. Usually they just gave me dirty looks, but once one had gruffly “escorted” me off campus. I took a long last drag of the cigarette, finally settling for some Chinese food hear the bottom. I made a note to myself not to try to pillage this dorm’s food again: they were all health nuts and there was nothing but old salads and tofu in the trash. Let me tell you, such things rot quickly and don’t make good for dumpster diving. I went back to the fountain and ate the noodles and fried sweet and sour meat. I washed my hands in the fountain, threw away the trash, and headed home. About an hour later, after drinking one of the bottles of water, I had two more for the following day. I heard a sound that caused me to grimace. It was the sound my stomach always made before I had diarrhea. Then a wave of nausea hit me. Where, where is close? I had a list of places I would…do my business…as it were. None of them close to where I slept. I really am living like a wild animal. I cringed.
My stomach interrupted my self berating and the need to go somewhere became more pressing. I walked quickly, out of the alleyway and down the street. I don’t know how long I walked until I couldn’t anymore. I ducked into a shallow alley. Luckily, there was a sewage grate right behind a dumpster. I took off my pants quickly.
Now I know. One can actually vomit and shit at the same time, for that is what I did. For two hours. My stomach was empty, and I had heaved up bile four times and dry heaved twice now. I was exhausted. I should have brought water with me. I put on my pants, slowly, painstakingly. Even lifting a finger at this point took inhuman amounts of strength. My head hurt from dehydration. Should have brought a water bottle. I should go back, I’m too exposed here. But…
I slipped into darkness. I don’t know if this was “passing out” or just sleeping off sickness. I woke up sweating as the sun beamed down in the alley. At least no one had bothered me while I slept. I stood up and immediately stumbled back down, weak and dizzy. I looked at the mess next to me that had mostly fallen down the grate. I would feel nauseous again if I wasn’t so tired. I stood back up and started walking back to my alleyway.
I guess I got here alright. I woke up again in my corner, not remembering much. There was a bottle of water in my hand, missing the top quarter of fluid. I drank it slowly, weakly. The sun was setting. I felt a little better than what I did last night. I finished the bottle. One left. I woke to it raining lightly. This was the first time it rained since I was kicked out. I will have to find a dryer place to sleep. I fell back into a dream of warmth, of comfort, of safety. The next day I bought soup. Damned soup cost five dollars. I only had two more. I drank it down slowly. I felt refreshed afterwards. Thank god. I went to the fountain and washed off my sweat and filth. My fever must have broken. I went to sleep content, dreamt of playing chase with Roxas and Sora.
I woke up feverish. Damn. I guess eating rotten food and sleeping in the rain are a bad combination. I had forgotten to refill water bottles last night. I drank the last half of what I had. I looked at the light in the alleyway. It was probably about six pm. Maybe I’ll get pizza tonight. A slice was two-fifty. I could find fifty cents. I could pay them with nickels and dimes. They were always really nice. The tall brunet guy that works there caught me a couple times digging in the dumpster and brought me a plate of fresh salad and a couple slices of meaty pizza. Fresh and steaming. The first time I saw him I was scared, and ran off, but he yelled after me that he would hurt me. Still didn’t trust him. I bought food from there once. A tall, skinny dirty blonde haired guy named Dem was really nice. I had had a sore throat, and he gave me a free bottle of coke.
I guess I was moving slower tonight. The pizza place closed at midnight, and the clock read 11:42 when I went in there. Everything had been a haze since I woke up. I had drunk a lot of water, which now sloshed in my empty stomach.
“Hi Dem,” I spoke quietly. The dirty blond looked up, almost startled.
“Hey! You remembered my name!” he beamed at me.
I cocked my head to the side. Then pointed shyly at his name tag.
“Yeah, well, you remembered it anyway, right?”
I nodded. Ever since I had stepped into the place I felt weaker. It was too warm in here.
I grabbed the handful of change out of my pocket, and sorted it into two dollars in quarters, four dimes and four nickels. “ A slice of cheese pizza, please,” I said meekly. My voice almost cracked. It was warm and I could smell myself.
“Hey, Terra! Little boy blue is here!” Dem called to the open door of the kitchen. A familiar tall brunet poked his head out.
“Hey, little boy blue!” he called. I was slightly angry that they were treating me like a five year old.
“I’m not five,” I muttered. Black spots started dancing in front of my eyes. I heard a buzzing. Was there always a buzzing in here?
“Sh—De—“ I saw the friendly brunet’s face mask with worry and he took two huge steps forward. He seemed to be moving slowly. The buzzing got louder. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. The black spots got bigger. And then I was falling. I felt two firm arms grab me, then I slipped into darkness completely.
I woke up a few minutes later. I was on something hard. I felt a damp rag on my forehead. Someone was holding my hand.
“Roxas?” I muttered. The hand squeezed gently. It was too big to be Roxas’, or Mom’s. Maybe Dad’s? My memory swirled in me. I heard “Get out!” I moaned. I felt weak. Someone flipped the wet cloth on my forehead and it felt cool. They brushed a hair out from under the rag. Their fingers were warm, callused but gentle.
“Hey, kid,” a gentle voice said. I don’t know that voice.
I shot up quickly. Where the hell was I? I looked around. There was a brunet and a tall thin blond. I hit my head on a light.
“Dang it,” I said and my hand went to my head as it pounded.
I was on a table. There were two guys there. I slipped off the table onto the bench away from the brunet. Unfortunately, the two guys stood/sat between me and the only exit. Where am I?
“Calm down, kid, we’re not going to hurt you,” the brunet said.
I blinked a few times. Memories came back to me. I looked around. This was the pizza place. I never sat in the restaurant part. I looked at the blond.
“Dem,” I looked at the brunet, “Ter..ra?”
They smiled. “That’s right,” the brunet said warmly.
“Is your name Roxas?” The blond stepped forward. This startled me again. Did they know my twin? If they did, I shouldn’t be with them. He’ll want to see me, but I don’t think he should. Not until he can get a job and be independent of our parents. Well, I guess they are only his parents now.
I tensed. Dem tilted his head to the side.
“Demyx, he wouldn’t be mumbling his own name in his sleep,” Terra said.
So they only knew him from me mumbling about him while I was out? “Do you two know Roxas?” I rasped. My throat was really dry.
Dem shook his head as he approached, setting down three glasses of ice water.
“No,” Terra said. “Should we?”
I took a sip of the ice water. It shocked my system. I could feel the coldness going all the way down my esophagus.
“I guess not,” I said. “I’m Ven,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes glued on the table. These guys were really nice and were taking care of me. The least I could do was tell them my name.
“Vin?” Terra asked, “Like in Vincent?”
“No,” I responded, remembering how all of us kids would share a look with each other when someone got one of our weird names wrong. Cloud hated his name, but we all thought he was luckier than the rest of us. “Ven, like in Ventus.” I corrected politely, and took another small sip of water.
“Good, I don’t think I could do with another Vincent in my life.” Terra said warmly. Dem chuckled.
“So, Ven, do your parents not feed you enough?” Dem asked innocently.
The glass slipped slightly from my hand. Parents? What do I tell them? Do I tell them that I was kicked out because I said I was gay? I’m not sure if I actually am gay. I always considered myself asexual. I just figured who I fell in love with would be who I fell in love with, gender didn’t matter.
I guess my face betrayed the war of emotions I was feeling. Terra came to my rescue, “I think, what Demyx here meant to say, was do you want to spend the night at our apartment? Will anyone miss you if you stay with us?”
I shook my head. Then looked at them as they became confused. “Um…no one would miss me. But are you sure? I mean, I’m filthy, and I don’t have any money to give you guys for lodging, and I shouldn’t accept—“
“Good!” Dem said excitedly. “Party at our—“ he yawned, “—place.”
“Everything’s closed out?” Terra asked Dem.
“All we got to do is turn off the lights and lock the door behind us,” Dem responded.
A few minutes later we were standing outside. It felt really cold out here. I shivered. Terra took off his jacket and put it around me.
“No! I don’t want to get it all nasty—“ I started to take it off.
“It can be washed. Keep it on, or you’ll make yourself more sick.” Terra said firmly. I guess they were both really tired. Terra looked at me and his expression softened. Demyx was locking the door.
“We live about a twenty minute walk from here, in one of the apartment buildings on the other side of campus,” Terra explained. “I really wish I still had my car,” he looked at me, almost apologetically. “Do you think you can make it, Ven?” He tousled my hair. I shrank away from the touch. Even I wouldn’t want to put my hands through my filthy hair.
“Sure.” I knew I was imposing, but they seemed nice enough, trustworthy, and I really wanted to take a real shower, with soap. Shampoo! I shivered again and pulled the jacket tightly around me.
“Let’s go!” Dem chimed. We set off across the campus. We went through the small gates, passed the health nut dorm. I shivered with disgust remembering the Chinese food that made me sick. Dem gave me a worried glance. The further we went the more tired I became. Occasionally black spots would cloud my vision. I heard the buzzing again. I stepped on some uneven ground, heard a whimper.
I awoke smelling bread dough and some sort of spicey smell. I was swaying slightly. I moaned.
“We’re almost there, Ven,” the firm thing I was curled against vibrated. I looked up to see Terra. He was carrying me. I felt dizzy.
“Put me down,” I said weakly, the dizziness increased.
“Don’t be such a wimp, it’s alright that you’re a little weak while you’re sick,” Terra explained.
“Terra, I think you should put him down,” Dem said worriedly.
“Now,” I said weakly again, nausea came.
I felt my body shift and my feet settle on the concrete. I blinked a few times. Took a few steps away from the two guys, then fell on my knees vomiting. Nothing but stomach bile came up. Demyx was kneeling next to me, hushing me. I guess I was crying? Sobs came in between heaves. I felt completely wretched. There went the possibility of sleeping in a bed, of taking a shower. My chances were spilt all over the concrete, yellowish liquid.
“Shh…It’s alright. It’s alright.” He ran his hands down my back, spoke softly into my ear. He pulled some napkins and a bottle of water from his bag. “Here,” he pulled my chin towards him and wiped off my face. “Rinse your mouth out with this, we’ll get you a toothbrush when we get back home.” I took a swig of water and spat it onto the pavement.
“Okay, let’s try standing up,” he said calmly and pulled me upwards, wrapping one arm around my waist.
“Okay, Ventus, see that building,” he pointed at one in the back of a cluster. “That’s where we’re headed. We’ll walk slowly, let me know if you need to throw up again, okay?”
I nodded. We made our way to the building. At the entrance I stopped. The black dots had come back.
Terra was the one to notice this time. “Ven?” he asked
I leaned against the wall. Dem let me go, seeing if I needed a moment to myself. The black dots dissolved and I stood up straight.
“Okay, let’s go.” I said, still raspy and weak.
Terra took my hand and we walked down the hall to an elevator, went up to the ninth floor. Then got off and walked down a sterile hallway. Dem jogged ahead and unlocked the door. He ran inside. We walked in and took off our shoes. Dem ran back to us, “Terra, want to see a happy Ventus?” he beamed, then held out a toothbrush and toothpaste.
I took them and my eyes lit up. They were pure gold in my hands. I had longed for a toothbrush for what seemed like forever. “Where?” I asked. Dem took me by the elbow and led me to the bathroom. I heard Terra chuckling behind me. I brushed my teeth for ten minutes. It felt amazing. After the last spit, I felt my teeth with my tongue. It was the best feeling in the world.
Terra came to me as I was exiting the bathroom.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
I nodded. I felt better.
“You up to taking a shower?”
I nodded again.
He handed me a wad of clothes. “The shirt is mine, and the sweatpants were Aqua’s. She put them in our Goodwill box, so she doesn’t want them anymore. Demyx and I don’t think our pants would fit you. These will also probably be too long, but it’s better than nothing, right?”
“It’s fine.” I said in a small voice.
“Well,” he said. It almost looked like his cheeks were slightly pink. “Don’t stay too long in the shower, I don’t want you passing out in there, but also don’t lock the door, just in case.”
“Alright,” I blushed at the idea of Terra or Demyx having to pick me up, butt naked and wet, from the shower floor.
I didn’t think anything could be better than brushing my teeth, but the shower did it. I swore the water going down the drain for the first two minutes was black. I washed my hair with shampoo. Shampoo! It was longer than it was when I left. It fell almost to my lips on my face, before it would be past my eyes when it was wet.
A knock on the door came as I was rinsing the conditioner from my hair. “You alright in there?” Terra’s voice came through the wood. “Yeah!” I said energetically. I swore I heard Dem laugh.
I finished up quickly and dried off. The towel was big and fluffy and soft. I could live in that towel. I put on the clothes Terra gave me. His shirt was huge on me. I put on the sweatpants, which were perfectly soft, and thankfully had a drawstring. If they didn’t have “hot stuff” written across the butt, I would like them very much. I pulled the drawstring around my waist. My hips stuck out a little more than normal. I guess I had lost weight. I poked myself on the stomach. I looked in the mirror, which was still slightly fogged. I used the super long sleeve over my hand to wipe off some of the condensation. My face looked hollow. My eyes had deep purple under them. At least my hair was a normal color. I stepped out of the bathroom and looked into the adjacent living room. The couch had a bunch of blankets on it, and two pillows. Demyx sat on the arm rest talking in low tones to Terra, who was sitting in an overstuffed chair.
“Umm…guys,” they looked at me, I scratched the back of my head. “Thanks.”
They both stood. Dem stretched and Terra walked stiffly. “No problem, sweetie,” Dem said.
Terra looked at me, pink on his cheeks. Maybe he blushed when he was tired? “Our pleasure, we’ll talk some more in the morning. It’s Sunday, so neither of us work. Try to get some rest.” He walked down the hall.
Dem looked at me. “Okay, sweetie. There’s tons of blankets on the couch, just use whichever you like. I don’t think you’ll need anymore to keep warm. If you get hungry in the night, help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Oh, and if a blue-haired force-of-nature of a girl comes in smelling like a dance club, just tell her that you’re one of our friends from the pizza place, alright?”
I nodded, remotely curious who could be called a “force of nature” by someone as energetic as Demyx, but mostly just really sleepy. He walked me to the couch, and tucked me in.
“Goodnight, Ventus,” he said as he exited to the hallway.
“Night, Dem.” The soft couch and the clean scent enveloped me, and drifted to sleep as if on a cloud.

I woke up off and on throughout the night. My fever broke, my fever came back, I was cold, I was hot, I was freezing, and then I was sweating. At one point I quickly shedded Terra’s shirt, pushed up the pant legs of the sweatpants up to my knees. An hour later I scrambled for the comforter and huddled under it, shaking with cold. Hours later I smelt coffee and heard muddled voices. I peeked my head out from the comforter, sweating now, but not feeling like I was on fire, still somewhat warm. The smell of coffee hit me full on, then nausea churned in my stomach. I ran to the bathroom, accidentally slamming the door behind me. I sat in front of the toilet. Dry heaved a little, but the nausea quickly went back down. I sat back, leaning against the wall. I put my knees up and placed my elbows between them. A tapping came at the door a moment later. “Ventus, may I come in?”
“Yeah.” My voice sounded better today.
Demyx walked in, dressed in light blue pajamas. I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that I wasn’t wearing a shirt. I felt a blush and put my head down between my arms.
“Did you…?” he glanced at the toilet and my posture.
“Almost, but no,” I responded, looking back up, glad to have kept my blush abated. He squatted next to me and rubbed my back soothingly. Like he did last night. When did he do that last night?
“How’d you sleep, kid?” Terra asked from the doorway. He came in and sat on the counter next to the sink.
“You look confused,” Demyx smiled at me.
“I am,” I answered. Terra looked at me questioningly. “I’m not sure whether to be polite or honest.”
“What’s the polite answer,” Dem seemed pleased with this game.
“I slept very well, thank you,” I said pleasantly.
“What’s the honest answer?” Terra smiled.
“It was a long night,” my head drooped between my shoulders. I stood up, and Demyx did as well. I went to the living room, scooped up a light blue chenille throw, and wrapped up in it, remembering that it was Cloud’s favorite color. Terra’s shirt was somewhere in the pile of knotted sheets. I joined the two guys in the kitchen, which stood opposite the living room and next to the bathroom.
“Hot water, saltines, or chicken broth?” Dem asked.
“I can make it,” I said.
“Dem misses his little sisters, you would be depriving him the joy of playing the smothering mother role.”
“How many little sisters do you have?” I asked, leaning against the counter next to Terra.
“Three: Yuffie, Tifa, and Aerith. They are adorable! You will have to meet them someday!” Dem beamed as if they were his children.
“I have three younger siblings too. Well, four technically, I guess.”
Terra raised an eyebrow at me.
“Four, technically?” Dem voiced the question hanging in the air.
“I have a twin who is a few minutes younger than me.”
“Are you two the eldest?” Terra asked. Dem handed me a cup of hot water. I blew on it and took a sip.
“No, I have an older sister and older brother.”
Dem looked like he was in pain, then started counting on his fingers. “So your parents have seven children? What are they, roman catholic or Mormon or something?”
“No, they’re not religious, just homophobic, it seems,” it slipped past my lips quicker than I realized. When did I feel so relaxed around these two? I just essentially told them that I was gay. What a payback, you’re nice enough to let the homeless kid in, and then you find out he’s a filthy fag.
A hand slipped under the mug I was drinking from and took it away from me. I heard it being set on the countertop with a clink.
A warm large hand settled between my shoulder blades, calmingly.
“The last time you had that look on your face, you dropped the ice water in your hands. I think you have enough physical damage without added second degree scalds to the list.” Terra said calmly, jokingly, in his always warm and friendly voice.
I looked up suddenly. Dem and Terra were looking at me with nothing but concern. No anger, no disgust. My eyes began to tear up.
“Oh, honey,” Dem’s face crumpled and he came and gave me a big hug. “Shh…don’t worry, everyone who lives in this apartment is at least bi. Well, I’m all out flaming, if you couldn’t tell.”
I chuckled between sniffles.
“I’ve dated both guys and girls,” Terra stated, “and Aqua…she…”
“Aqua fucks anything with two legs, and usually she’s not that particular.” Demyx finished.
“I heard that asswipe!” A blue-haired girl who looked like she had had a night of too much partying clacked into the room with stiletto heels.
She poured herself a cup of coffee, and looked at me and Dem, then looked to Terra. “Who’s the moist jailbait?”
“Ventus, he’s a friend from the pizza place.” Terra answered.
She stepped a little closer to me. Terra stepped slightly in her way. She inspected me. Her make up caking off in spots and her mascara had left her with raccoon eyes.
“He’ll probably be staying with us for a while,” Terra glanced at me and I nodded. Of course I wanted to stay with them!
Aqua pouted, shifting her attention to Terra. “But I thought we agreed not to have pets?” Her voice had an edge to it, like she might be serious about not being okay with an extra flatmate.
Terra tilted his head, giving Aqua a look, which I was slightly jealous of. “But he’s small and he’s quiet and I’ll walk him and feed him and take good care of him.”
Aqua blushed a little then backed away, “Fine with me,” she said over her shoulder and headed to the bathroom.
Dem leaned to my ear, “Beware of Terra’s smoldering innocent look. Even he isn’t aware of how powerful it can be.”
I snickered. Terra looked at us with feigned hurt in his eyes. “You two are so mean!” he fake cried looking at both of us.
“I do practice everyday in the mirror,” I said, once again slipping into too casual a tone. Dem looked shocked and Terra looked pleased. He ruffled my hair, “’Atta boy,” he handed me my steaming cup back. We moved back to the living room. Dem skipped ahead of us and leaped into the overstuffed chair. Terra sat next to me on the couch. I pulled my knees up and blew on the still steaming cup of hot water.
“So, Ven, how long have you been on the streets?” Terra asked, casually, staring at the television while he channel surfed. I glanced at him then looked at the flashing channels as well.
“Um…well…I’ve been in the university area for three weekends, and I was in the area nearer to my house for one weekend, so I guess maybe a month?”
“How long have you been sick? Do we need to take you to a clinic?”
“Three days, maybe four. I ate some bad Chinese food and got stomach issues, then slept in the rain. I’ve been feverish and weak since then, not really doing to well on the food front since then either.”
“I doubt you look like that from just four days,” he said seriously.
I looked down. I didn’t know how to respond. Yeah, I probably wasn’t eating enough, but I had only gotten beaten up once since I got thrown out of my house. I stared daggers at the mug, radiating heat into my hands.
Terra looked at me. “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be negative with you. I’m just angry at anyone who could hurt you. I’m angry with your parents for kicking you to curb because you’re gay. I’m angry that we live in a place where there isn’t anywhere for kids like you to go. I’m angry that there’s no safety-nets. I’m angry that—“
“Yes, Terra is nothing if not an angsty little boy.” Aqua chimed as she entered the room. We all chuckled. She was clad in a deep blue terrycloth robe, tied at her waist but showing some cleavage as well. Her pale complexion slightly pinked from taking a shower. Her eyes shined with a deep water blue. She ruffled Terra’s hair and hugged him from behind. “Have fun, boys,” she said, winking at Dem.
Terra turned to look at her, and got an eyeful of her ample cleavage pressed against the couch, inches away from his face. He turned bright red. I looked back down at my mug, now half empty.
“If you’re going to sleep we’ll try to be quiet. I think today is a movie marathon day.”
“Thank you, sweetie,” she purred. I glanced up and saw her kiss Terra on the cheek.
“Good night, Jailbait,” she waved again, gliding out of the room and disappearing down the hall.
Dem made his arm to look like he was holding a rifle. “Locked on target,” he smirked.
“Oh, please Dem. She’s not interested in me. She dated me two years ago for a month then got bored and broke up with me. I’m old news to her.”
Dem acted as if he cocked the gun. “Look like she’s ready for round two,” he shot it, making a pathetic little “pew” noise. Terra rolled his eyes and I giggled.
“I doubt she’ll have much trouble getting you again, even if you deserve more than the town bicycle. Unless you set your eyes on someone else,” he glanced at me then jumped off the chair.
“Where are you running off to?” Terra said loudly.
“Popcorn for us and crackers for the sickie!” he replied from the kitchen.
Terra sighed, slid off the couch and crawled a few paces to the bottom of the entertainment center. He opened up doors, revealing about a hundred DVDs.
“Don’t really care.” I said.
“Hey, Ventus, come with me, and let’s find you a shirt that fits,” Dem pulled me from the couch, and we walked down the hallway.
“I think I have some from middle school in here…how old are you anyway?”
“Sixteen,” I answered, watching him pull out a cardboard box. He pulled out a black shirt, smelled it then handed it to me. I put it on. It was slightly clingy, but I didn’t really care.
“Placebo?” I inquired after the writing on the shirt.
“Yeah, I used to be quite the little hipster.” He smiled, reminiscently. Dem’s eyes grew large. “I smell popcorn!” He opened the door to his room, “After you, Ven.”
I walked out and heard Dem chuckle. “Nice ass,” he said.
I put my hands over it embarrassed, then felt the letters felted on to the seat of the pants. “Yeah, ‘hot stuff,’ right?” I said with my head down.
We entered the living room and the TV was a blank screen with the pause icon in the bottom right corner.
“Popcorn!” Dem rushed past me, jumped over the couch, stole the big bowl of popcorn from Terra, and sprang back into his chair. I blinked, the blush fading from my cheeks. “Sora and him are identical,” I said to myself and walked slowly up to the couch, my hands still held stiffly behind my back.
“Why so tense?” Terra leaned over to me.
I picked up the small bowl of crackers from my spot on the couch, then sat down next to Terra again. “Aqua’s ‘hot stuff’ pants,” I muttered, turning pink again.
“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Terra ruffled my hair. “We ready?”
“Yeah! What is it?” Dem replied. Terra smirked and pressed the play button on the remote. The screen stayed black for a moment. Nants ingonyama! Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! An animated orange sun rose on the screen and Dem and I started laughing.
“The Lion King!” I looked at Terra happily.
“Ven, who doesn’t like Disney?” he elbowed me lightly.
“I haven’t seen this in years!” Dem smiled. We sang the first song, word for word.
“In the circle, the circle of life!!!” we were all laughing and singing. The title appeared on the screen, and then a pillow was thrown into the room.
“Yeah, you guys are cute and all, but shut the fuck up,” Aqua scowled from the hallway.
“Sorry, Aqua!” Dem and Terra said, then looked truly ashamed of themselves.
I ate a few more crackers, and then got really tired. I looked over after the first quarter of the movie, and Dem was passed out on the chair. Terra was looking calmly ahead, then looked at Dem, then smiled with me. We turned our attention back to the film and I yawned. Terra propped up one foot on the coffee table and put his arms on the back of the couch, ruffling my hair. I smiled. I woke up to see the credits scrolling on the screen. At some point in the movie, I had fallen onto Terra and curled up into his side. His arm was around my back, his hand on my hip. My hands were grasping his shirt lightly. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me. I realized our position then jumped back.
“S-sorry,” I sputtered turning bright red.
“It’s alright,” he stood up and stretched. “You seemed like you were resting well.”
“Yeah, I was,” I yawned and stood up too, a little too quickly. The room spun and I felt an arm around me. I steadied after a moment and Terra released me. “You feel up to some broth?”
“Yeah, I could try it.” I walked into the kitchen and filled my mug with water and popped it in the microwave.
Terra got me another mug, put a bullion cube in it, filled it with water, and then traded it out with the one in the microwave. He handed me the steaming mug then fixed himself a coke.
“Hey ‘hot stuff’” Dem chimed as he entered the kitchen. I blushed, lowering my face to my mug and blowing on the hot water. Apparently he woke up during the credits to find that we had vacated the room. He grabbed some candy bars and also made himself a coke.
“You guys are real healthy eaters.” I remarked.
“We need to go grocery shopping, or rather, Dem does.” Terra explained.
“It’s my turn again?!” Dem whined. “Oh! But I can get stuff for Ventus!” he seemed very excited at this. I raised an eyebrow. Dem ran out of the room. A few seconds later, he ran past the kitchen, “Start the next movie without me, guys!” he said as he flew out the door.
“What the?” I began to ask.
Terra shrugged. “I just go with it most of the time,”
We started the next movie, Mulan, and about half way through it I had finished both mugs of liquid. I got up to refill my water mug and Terra offered to pause it, but I explained I would be back in two seconds, so why bother.
I was not back in two seconds. The microwave beeped at me, reminding me that, indeed, the “beverage is ready.” I stood glowering over the sink, as dizziness hit me again and again. I gripped the edge of it firmly.
“Ventus?” Terra’s voice called as he entered the room. His voice caused a chain reaction of nervousness, causing my stomach to tighten, my nausea to go from a small feeling to an undeniable urge, and I lost the broth and crackers into the kitchen sink. Tears escaped again.
Terra was next to me, running cold water in the sink to wash it down, he held my shoulders and pressed a hand to my forehead. Another wave hit me. After a few minutes of simply standing there, his hand rubbing calmingly down my back, he gave me a cup of water and I rinsed and spit.
“Can you stand by yourself for a few seconds while I get your toothbrush?”
“Yeah,” I rasped. A second later he was back with my toothbrush. I brushed my teeth, put the brush into the empty cup, and set it to the side.
“Back to the couch?”
I nodded. He led me to the living room again, he sat down on the couch first.
“Lie down, put your head in my lap,” he said.
I did as he said, curling slightly into a fetal position. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. Tears leaked from my eyes again.
“Shh…don’t be. It’s nothing you can help. Just try to relax and rest,” he voice was soothing. I felt one of his hands run through my hair, and other still calmingly rubbing in downward directions on my back. He turned the movie back on, lowering the volume so that if one paid attention, one could hear it, but just barely. I watched as the troop of men sang about a girl worth fighting for, and stopped fighting against the sleep that came to me in waves.

Dem came in a few minutes later, looking in at a sleeping Ventus and Terra with a finger over his lips, indicating the need for quiet. Dem made two trips from the threshold, lugging in bags and bags of groceries. A few moments later, after putting away the food, he joined Terra in the living room.
“I hope you don’t mind me assuming we were going to let him stay with us?” Terra whispered. Ventus didn’t stir in his lap, and continued to sleep calmly.
“I assumed that’s what we were doing when we took him here in the first place,” Demyx smiled. His smiled widened, “I got him vegetable broth, and club crackers, and animal crackers, and graham crackers, and two two-liters of sprite, as well as anti-pyretic pills and anti-nausea lozenges.”
“He threw up the broth and crackers while you were gone.” Terra said, and pet Ventus’ head again.
Demyx frowned. “Maybe we should get Xion to get us some anti-biotics.”
“Wouldn’t hurt,” Terra replied. “…on the streets for a month. He’s really malnourished.”
“Yeah, but we can fix that…if he ever keeps down what he eats. At least he doesn’t seem to have any mental problems, just a normal kid with a rough life.”
“…oxas…” Ventus murmured and twisted his hands around Terra’s pant leg.
“You think he has a boyfriend?” Terra asked Dem quietly.
“Why would he come out if he was single? Seems a little masochistic to me,” Dem supplied, giving Terra a knowing look.
“What?” Terra asked.
“He may be malnourished, he still has a cute ass.”
Terra scowled at him, but then gave in, “Yeah he does.”
“But I really do think Aqua is baiting your hook, though,” Dem looked at Terra again.
Terra sighed, “I really hope not. I don’t want to deal with that right now.”
“Or ever?” Dem supplied in a sing-songy whisper.
Terra rubbed his forehead. “Yeah.”
Terra looked down at the sleeping blonde on his lap. He glanced at his watch and put a hand gently to the blonde’s forehead.
“Dem, we should give him some of those fever reducers right now.”
“On it, Captain!”

“Ven, ven,” I heard a deep voice call me. Everything was hazy. “Sorry to wake you up, Ven, but you should take some medicine, then you can sleep more, okay?”
I open my eyes slightly to see a concerned brunet.“Terra?”
“Yeah. Do you want to take the pill with water or sprite?”
“Water,” I mumbled. He’s taking care of me like I’m an invalid. I really shouldn’t impose.
“Here,” I hear, and a straw is put to my mouth, I take a few sips, then feel a pill being pushed against my lips, I take it, sip some more water, swallow it.
“Okay, you can go back to sleep now,”
“Okay, Roxas.” I fall back to sleep instantaneously.

Demyx and Terra exchange looks.
“I’m calling Xion, and I’ll look up times for free-clinics in the area. Zexion has a car, he would probably let us use it if he drove. If he’s working at whatever time we need to go, I can always call Axel.”
“Thanks, Dem.”
“Of course,” Dem exited the room to the hallway. Terra turned back to the end of Mulan, not really watching the movie, but not turning it off either.

There was a faint knocking a few hours later, and Zexion and Luxord walked in to the apartment. Terra looked up and waved. Dem ran into the room and glomped his boyfriend.
“Zexy you’re a genius! Hi, Luxord.”
“Nice to see you again, Demyx, Terra,” the broad man nodded.
“I’m assuming that’s your charge?” Zexion looked at the blonde, shivering on Terra’s lap.
The three men sat down in the living room. Luxord opened a briefcase filled with doctor’s utensils.
“So, he’s been on the streets for a month, got food poisoning about four days ago, was exposed to rain and colder temperatures for at least eight hours. Do we know the last time he got a full night’s rest?”
Dem and Terra shook their heads.
“The last time he could keep food down?”
Terra started to look worried. “Maybe four days ago, even then it wouldn’t have been much.”
“Do you know his temperature?”
Terra looked more worried and the two college guys shook their heads.
“Alright let’s wake him up.”

“Ven, Ventus?” I felt someone shake me. I coughed.
“Mom?” I pushed myself up weakly. Rubbed my eyes. I looked up and saw Terra, who smiled warmly at me. “Kiddo, we have some friends here. Luxord’s pre-med and he’s going to take a look at you, alright?”
“Yes.” I sat up more fully. There was Demyx, and a man with slate colored hair holding his hand. He looked kindof emo. There was another man with blond hair who was built like a brick you-know-what house.
“Hello, Ventus, I’m Luxord,” the large man reached his hand out to me, and grasped and shook.
“Not feeling too well, I’ve heard?” He asked, and got out a clipboard.
“I’ve felt better.” I responded dryly. Terra handed me a cup with a straw, Luxord stopped me.
“Let’s take your temperature first.”
I nodded in response. Luxord handed me a thermometer, and I put it in my mouth, Luxord continued writing things. I have no idea what. Emo guy whispered something to Dem, then disappeared. The thermometer beeped and I took it out and looked at it. Terra gently took it from me a moment later.
“101.5” he read.
Luxord nodded. “Demyx, do you have a scale in the bathroom?”
“Um…yeah,” Dem said.
“Ventus, let’s go check your weight, if that’s okay?”
I nodded and stood up slowly. There were black dots, as usual, and I walked with him to the bathroom. I found the scale and pulled it out. Luxord closed the door behind him. I looked at him expectantly.
“I wanted to ask you some private questions, as well. It’ll help determine the best way to treat you.”
“Alright.”
“Before you get on, do you remember your last height and weight?”
“5’6 and somewhere between 125 and 130, I think.”
The scale went up and stayed at 114.
“Next, stand against the wall.” I did so, and he measured. “Congratulations, Ventus, you’ve grown an inch.”
My eyes grew large. “Awesome!”
“Okay, now I’m going to go over what Dem told me you had told him, and let me know if this information is correct. I want you to know, I’m not a doctor, technically, but still everything we say in here is confidential.”
“Thanks,” he was being very professional, and considerate.
“You’ve been living on the streets for a month?”
I nodded.
“In an alley, or in an abandoned wharehouse, under a bridge…?”
“Um…in alleys, usually next to trash bins.”
“Have you been exposed to wind and rain then, for long amounts of time?”
I had to think about that one. “It hasn’t really been windy. It did rain a few nights ago, but that was the first time.”
“And that was the night after you got food poisoning?”
I nodded.
“When was the last time you were able to keep food down?”
“Before the food poisoning, maybe four-five days ago.”
“You’ve been eating less since you started living on the streets?”
I nodded.
“What do you usually eat?”
“Pizza, sandwiches sometimes, bread. Burgers, fries, pasta.”
“Do you drink clean water?”
I nodded.
“How much on average a day?”
“Three half-liter bottles.”
“Do you smoke?”
I nodded.
“How much?”
“Maybe one to two cigarettes total a day. I haven’t since I got here though.”
“Any nicotine cravings?”
“Not that I noticed. The whole vomiting and weakness thing has been holding my attention.”
“Have you been beaten while you were living on the streets?”
“Once.”
“How long ago was it?”
“The first week living around the university, so two weeks ago.”
“Any sprains or broken bones due to it?”
“No, just bruises,”
“Head trauma?”
“No.”
“Were you beaten while you were living at home?”
This startled me. “No, never.”
“Have you been raped or molested since you began living on the streets?”
“No.” I looked at him in the eyes for this.
“Before you left home?”
“No, never.”
He smiled. “Good.”
He wrote something on the clipboard then looked up at me. “Almost over, now the embarrassing questions.”
“Those weren’t embarrassing questions?” I asked, rather rhetorically.
“How often to you urinate in a day?”
I blinked. “Oh, um…five to six times?”
“How often do you have a bowel movement?”
“Once in a while…” I really didn’t take note of it.
“Can you be more specific?”
“Once every two to three days.”
“When was the last time you had a bowel movement?”
My cheeks heated. That really couldn’t have been the last time? When I was sick? I don’t remember any other times. “Um…probably…”
“Ventus,” he stated, in a comforting but professional manner.
“Five days ago, I had diarrhea and vomiting from the food poisoning.”
“And you’ve been vomiting since then?”
“Yes.”
“How often?”
“As often as I eat, and sometimes just when I drink.”
“Do you know how many times you’ve fainted?”
“Once at the pizza shop, once on the way here, so twice. I’ve gotten dizzy a lot here, and almost fainted, but haven’t.”
“Other symptoms other than dizziness?”
“Black spots in my vision, things get hazy, buzzing in my ears.”
“Have you had blood in your urine or vomit?”
“No, just food or bile. I’ve only peed once since getting here…it kinda burned.”
“Are you experiencing any symptoms now?”
“I feel a little hazy, my head hurts, I feel weak.” I yawned.
“Have you been able to sleep for an eight-hour period?”
“No, the fever wakes me up.”
“Alright, thirty-seven questions time is over.”
I smiled at his sense of humor.
“Do you want to finish the physical exam here or in the living room?”
“Here’s fine.”
“Alright, follow my finger.” I did so, and he continued with the exam: looking in my eyes with a light, my nose and throat and ears, listened to my breathing, listened to my heart, pinched my palms, tapped my knees.
“Only thing left for me to do is check your blood pressure and pulse, and do an abdominal check, which requires you to lie down.”
“Living room?” I asked.
“If that’s alright with you.”
I nodded. We walked out to the living room. He finished the tests.
“Alright. Ventus, you probably know what I’m going to say,” he started.
“You want me to be checked into a hospital tonight.” I said calmly. Terra started at my side, Demyx looked rather shocked.
“Actually, I wanted you checked into a hospital last night,” Luxord smiled at me. “But we all know that if you go, you will probably be accosted by social workers.”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to see my family.” I said calmly, looking at Luxord. Terra grabbed my hand and squeezed. Demyx looked like someone had kicked his puppy. Great, now I’m comparing myself to a kicked puppy.
“It is a good sign that you haven’t fainted since you got here. I would say, that if you can’t keep food or water down for the rest of the night, you need to go first thing in the morning. If you stay at this malnourished and dehydrated state, you can do yourself permanent damage. Do you understand?”
I nodded. Terra’s hand squeezed around mine.
“Anti-biotics would be a wise choice: fevers generally mean your immune system is trying to fight off some sort of infection.
“You must go to the hospital or clinic in the morning if you can’t retain fluids. They will definitely put you on a hydration saline drip, possibly feed you through a tube and pump you full of anti-biotics as well.”
I nodded.
“So now, take some medicine, drink some fluids, try to rest. If your fever ever spikes to 103 or higher you must go to a hospital immediately.”
I nodded.
“Alright, that’s it.” Luxord gathered his things, Terra offered to walk him to his car. I drank some water, took some of the pills Dem gave me, and lied back down, falling asleep immediately.

“So, Luxord, you and Ven were in the bathroom a while,” Terra started.
“I can’t answer any questions, Terra, if you want to know, you have to ask Ventus yourself.” Luxord walked briskly to his car. There was a cold wind.
“Can you just tell me, if anyone forced him to…while he was out there?” Terra stopped Luxord and looked in his face. After a few seconds, Terra sighed. Luxord was unreadable.
“I can’t disclose anything.” Luxord said again. “Good night, Terra, and good luck. Let me know how he goes. If you don’t go to a clinic in the next week, let me know, I’ll come back and check on him.”
“Thanks, Luxord, we owe you one,” Terra smiled.
“Hardly, it’s free training for me.” Luxord smirked, started his car and drove off.

When Terra re-entered the apartment, Demyx was putting on his coat and Zexion was standing next to him ready to go.
“We’re going to meet up with Xion to get some anti-biotics,” Dem whispered to his flat-mate.
“That woman really is a medicine cabinet,” Terra reflected. “How much is it costing us?”
“Free, she gets them and holds on to them until someone needs them. Apparently, the illegal drugs she sells stipends the legal drugs she distributes.”
“I guess Xion is good after all,” Terra relented.
“Don’t hold your breath,” Zexion added.
Terra raised an eyebrow. “’Course not,” Terra smirked. The couple headed out and Terra resumed his vigil of Ventus.

An hour later the two re-entered. Dem gave Terra two orange bottles with two sticky-notes attached to the lids with dosage information.

“Ven, Ven, wake up, buddy,” a voice said sadly.
“Not yet, Roxas,” I curled into the pillow.
“Ventus, wake up, I need to give you some medicines, they’ll help I swear,” the voice said sadly again.
“Mom, it’s a Saturday, we don’t take medicines on Saturday,” I said back. “Huh?” I started to wake up. “That doesn’t make sense.” I murmured to myself. I saw two large brown eyes looking at me. “That doesn’t make sense either.” I put my head back down on the pillow.
“Ven, come on, please,” the voice said sadly again, this time it sounded like it was in pain.
“Roxas, I’m really tired,” I sat up again and saw brown eyes again and a really pathetic looking face.
“Ventus, do you even know where you are?” the voice asked and it came from this man.
I looked around. “Where I am?” I asked to myself. I looked around some more. “I’m not at home,” memories flood me of getting kicked out, of Roxas as he called my name that last time with heartbreak, “I’m not in the alley, I’m not on the street, I’m…” I looked up. “I’m awake now, Terra.”
“Scared me there, for a moment, Ven,” he said, looking relieved but still worried and slightly sad. “Medicine time,” he added.
“Oh, right.” I sat up some more. “Can I try some Sprite this time?” I asked.
“Sure.”
He returned, I swallowed the medicine, he put the cup on the coffee table, and I laid back down.
“Hey, Ven?” Terra pushed some of the hair off my forehead.
“Hey Terra,” I responded, almost falling asleep.
“Is Roxas your boyfriend?” he whispered.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend,” I responded, slurring. “Roxas is my twin.”
“Oh, okay.” I felt something soft on my forehead and I fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee. I sat up and blinked. I didn’t feel nauseous from it like I did yesterday. I could hear whispers coming from the kitchen. I looked around the living room. There was a bottle of water on the table. I got it and drank it down in one go. Terra was spread out on the chair, sleeping lightly. There was a phone on the armrest next to him. He looked adorable sleeping there. I smiled. I stood up, stretched, noticing that my clothes stuck to me. I grimaced. I must have sweat through the night.
Aqua saw me as I stumbled into the kitchen. “G’morning, Jailbait.”
“Aqua, my name is—oof!” I started to formally introduce myself, but was glomped by Demyx.
“Don’t glomp the sick one, Demyx,” his boyfriend appeared behind me. Dem gladly transferred his huggling to his boyfriend, and I crossed the kitchen, fixing myself a cup of hot water.
“So, Ven, did you vomit any last night?” Dem asked cheerfully.
“On that note,” Aqua said, “I’m going to class.” Aqua walked out of the kitchen as we all said our goodbyes. We heard the front door slam a few moments later.
“How do you feel, Ventus?” the emoguy asked.
“A little gross, a little hungry, and a lot of thirsty.” I responded, staring at the microwave, willing it to heat the water faster.
He smiled at me, “I’m glad you feel at home here, you should,” and with that, he left the kitchen again.
I looked over at Demyx who had a lovey-dovey expression on his face. “Dem.”
“Yeah?” he said wistfully, and then turned to me.
“What’s his name again?” I mouthed.
“Oh, Zexion, you two sort-of met last night. Don’t worry, you’ve been pretty out of it.”
“Oh, right, I’ll be sure not to worry about that,” I responded.
Terra stumbled into the kitchen, grabbed a mug from a cupboard, then poured himself some coffee.
“Surprised to see you up, Ven,” he said yawning.
My water beeped finally and I got it out of the microwave. “Are there anymore of those crackers?” I asked.
Dem and Terra exchanged looks of extreme happiness. “Are you hungry, Ven???” Dem asked.
“A little, but like I said, mostly feel gross,” I said.
“Did you vomit last night, Ven?” Terra asked.
“Not that I remember? Why is everyone asking that?” I asked.
“Did he vomit last night?” Dem asked Terra.
“Not that I know of. I woke him up twice for medicine, and he didn’t at those times.” Terra responded.
Meanwhile, I start looking through cabinets. I find a shelf filled with soups, broths, a few cans of sprite, and various types of crackers. I grab a can of sprite and reach for the box of animal crackers. Terra comes up behind me and easily plucks it off the high shelf and hands it to me.
“Thanks,” I say and open the box. I pop a cookie into my mouth and Terra and Dem look like someone just told them it was Christmas morning. “Guys?”
“Do you feel nauseous at all?” Terra asked, putting his hand to my forehead.
“No? It’s kinda nice, really.” I eat another cookie and open the lukewarm sprite and take a sip.
“You don’t feel like you still have a fever. Are you sure you didn’t vomit last night?”
“I’m pretty sure. Why do we keep dwelling on this?” I answered
“Well, remember what Luxord said, after he examined you?” Dem said maternally, then sipped his coffee.
“Luxord?” Well, apparently my family isn’t the only one cursed with unusual names.
“Yeah, the pre-med student who examined you last night,” Dem repeated.
I stared at him. Terra stared at me.
“You don’t remember, do you? What was the last thing you remember doing yesterday?” He looked at me worried.
“Um…watching the beginning of Mulan…then vomiting…then I slept.” I said, running through the memories in my head.
“I’m calling Luxord,” Terra said and headed out of the room.
“Terra, it’s 7:30!” Dem ran out after him.
Okay, Ven, I thought to myself, I’ve been really sick lately and I’m missing huge chunks of my memory. I took a deep breath. But I’m with Dem and Terra, and they’ve taken care of me so far. It’ll be fine. It’ll work out. I’m hungry, that’s a good sign. When was the last time I was hungry? Before I got sick, which was five, no, six days ago? Eat another cracker, Ven, eat another cracker.
I walked into the living room. Terra shut his phone. “Luxord said it’s fine, as long as you are eating and drinking liquid and keeping it down now.”
I sat down on the couch. Demyx sat down next to me.
“We should take your temperature this morning.” Dem said.
“Well, I’m eating and drinking now, and I really want to take a shower, so I’ll do it after I’m clean,” I replied.
Zexion walked into the room with two bags of stuff. “These are my old clothes from middle school, they should fit you. I washed them and dried them last night before coming here.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. It would be nice to have clean clothes without ‘hot stuff’ written on the butt.
“Dem, we need to go to class,” Zexion repeated.
“Have a good day, Dem, Zexion,” I wished them, smiling over my steaming cup.
“Thank you,” Zexion said as he put on his shoes.
“Bye!” Demyx jumped into his shoes and out the door.
“Do you have class, too?” I looked at Terra.
“Not until noon.” Terra said.
There was a moment of silence between us. I felt awkward.
“Thanks for everything, really. I’ll get a job and I’ll pay rent and be able to contribute to the household and support myself and—“
“Ven,” Terra said quietly, stopping my ramble. “Just worry about getting healthy for right now, okay. No one’s going to pressure you. Just take things at your own pace. At a healthy pace. We took you in and we’re not going to just let you go off on your own now.” Terra was quiet for a moment, then looked at me, “And don’t ever think you don’t have a home to go back to. As long as I have a home, you have a home.” His sylvan brown eyes pierced into my soul, and I felt weak and exposed. Terra: he picked me off the ground, literally, and he’s doing it again, and he doesn’t even know me. He’s not related to me. He’s not…He shouldn’t…He shouldn’t be so kind.
A few tears fell out of my eyes before I could do anything. I blushed, deeply embarrassed.
“Um…I’m going to go take a shower.” I excused myself from the room. I stayed in the shower for a while, crying some, but also just emptying my mind and concentrating on the sensation of the water falling on me.
When I got out of the shower, I noticed a thermometer and a pen and paper next to the sink. I took my temperature: 99.9, and wrote it down, with a smiley face next to it. I brushed my teeth, and stepped out.
“Ven, there’s some antibiotics on the table in the living room you should take. The directions are on the sticky notes next to them.” Terra called to me from what I imagined was his room.
I looked at the two orange bottles. The names on them were “Sarah Jenkins” and “Jane McGonigal.” Terra came back into the room, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a vest. I blushed at his hotness (did I just think that?) and turned back to the prescription bottles. “Are these really safe for me to take?”
“You’ve been taking them since last night and you’ve only gotten better,” he replied, running into the kitchen. He came back, stuffing a bottle of water into his messenger bag.
“I didn’t think your class started until noon?” I looked up at him. Yep, still hot. I looked back down. Don’t blush, don’t blush, stop acting like a gradeschool girl!
“I don’t. I’m going to the Pizza place to pick up mine and Dem’s paychecks. Do you need anything?”
“Um. No. I’m fine. I’m going to sleep some more,” I watched him stuff his feet into his shoes. “Hey, Terra?”
“Yeah, kiddo?” Terra looked at me.
“You look nice today,” I kept my gaze on the medication bottles.
“Thanks, Ventus.”
I could see the bright mega-watt smile in my peripheral vision.
“See you later,” Terra said as he left.
I sighed, took the medicine as the notes told me, lie down, and fell asleep.

“Ve---en, Vee---en,” I heard a voice coo. “Wake up, Ven-ee!”
“Why is someone always waking me up?” I groaned.
“Because you’re sickie and you need to take medications. And drink more. And eat more.” Dem was sitting next to me.
I sat up. “How does Zexion put up with you?”
“No one’s figured that out yet,” he replied wistfully, getting some of the pills out of the bottles.
They’ve tried??? I shook my head slightly.
“Water, sprite, tea?” Dem offered.
“Whatever,” I responded groggily.
“Water it is!” He handed me a cup with a straw.
I downed the pills in one go, “Sleep now?”
“Sure, little boy blue,” he responded.
“I’m not a five year old,” I was already falling asleep. I thought I heard someone say, “He looks like one,” but it was just a murmur.

The next two days progressed slowly. I became stronger, but still slept a lot. Someone was always waking me up to take medicines. My fever broke completely. I hadn’t vomited since Sunday (the day after Dem and Terra took me home with them.) Dem and Terra’s schedules helped me realize the days of the week again. Terra had one class everyday at noon, but all the other classes the guys had were on Monday-Wednesday-Friday or Tuesday-Thursday. They worked Wednesday through Saturday in the evenings.
Friday evening came and luckily, the Pizza shop was closed due to an electrical outage on that block. It was seven pm on a Friday night and Dem, Zexion, Terra, and myself sat around in the living room, all slightly bored, all embarrassed to say so, with perhaps the exception of Zezion, who sat, as usual, reading a thick tome of something, but was always abreast of the conversation. I secretly wondered if he was actually reading, or just pretending to. I timed the turning of his pages once, and he does it every 2.75 minutes, given he doesn’t interrupt himself to add to the conversation.
“My hair’s getting long,” Dem whined.
I sighed, “Mine too.”
“Oh! I could cut it! Please please please,” Dem was on his knees infront of me begging.
“Acting like a hyped up seven year old is not a good way to convince me to let you near my head with sharp scissors.” I pushed at him playfully.
“He doesn’t do it poorly,” Zexion added.
“Yeah, he’s actually quite good at it. He cuts my hair all the time, and he’s only drawn blood twice.” Terra conceded.
“Terra Fair! I never made you bleed while cutting your hair!”
“Demyx Utada! You have made me bleed with scissors!”
“That was an aaa—cccii---dddent!” The two started wrestling on the floor. I picked up my sprite for the table.
“Fair…” I muttered to myself. Zexion glanced over at me. “Are you related to Zachary Fair?”
“Yep, he’s a cousin—oof!” Demyx creamed Terra with a cushion while he was distracted by my question. Meanwhile, Zexion was staring at me blatantly.
“Erm…” this was awkward, “Penny for your thoughts, Zexion?”
“Um, no,” he responded, and went back to reading his book. I timed him. He didn’t turn the page for four minutes.
“Squirt you so aren’t staying on the sidelines for this!” and with that Terra and Dem hauled me on the floor and started tickling me.
What felt like an eternity later, my saving grace came in the form of a blue-haired girl dressed for a club.
“Isn’t Jailbate, like, breakable? I thought he was sick all week.” Aqua came in the room and perched on the couch. She wore a skin tight short skirt and fishnet stockings, as well as a corset and thin transparent under-blouse. Her makeup was caked on perfectly, and she had a ton of eyeliner on again to offset her deeply blue eyes.
Dem jumped up as if burned. “Sorry. Ven!” he hurried next to Zexion, who glanced up at his arrival next to him on the couch. Aqua looked at Terra and I.
“Anyone else want to head to Hollow Bastion? Jailbait, I could get you in,” she winked at me.
“No, thanks. Maybe some other time,” I said politely.
“How about you, Ter? Your sick puppy seems well enough to stay at home for one night.” She leaned forward, showing off ample busom. I looked away and my cheeks pinked a little.
“Clubbing’s not my scene,” he replied indifferently. She upped her lustful gaze and I was suddenly very self conscious of the fact that I sat between the two: Aqua looking at him with lust and allure, and Terra leaning back with me sitting in between his legs.
Sometimes the nearest exit is behind you. I pulled myself up on to the chair that was behind my back and pulled myself into the far corner of it, tucking my legs up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. Aqua looked over at me and grinned.
“So, Ter, if I say Markle’s Bar, you would be up to it?” She leaned further forward. Demyx seemed to be trying to get some sort of information out of Zexion, he wasn’t relenting. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already 8:10.
Zemyx, as the couple has come to be called in my head, got up and went to the kitchen. “Terra, Ven, you guys want anything?” Dem said from the kitchen.
Terra stood up, “You know I quit drinking Aqua, and you know why.” He left to room to the kitchen.
“Ven, do you want anything?” he asked over his shoulder, sounding a little put off.
“Graham crackers?” I asked. He nodded and headed into the kitchen.
Aqua turned her gaze to me and smiled evilly.
“Jailbate, you don’t need to keep up your goody-two-shoes appearance for Dem and Ter. They will accept you even if you put the occasional toe or foot out of line.” She stepped down from the couch and sauntered over to the chair I was sitting in. She sat on the armrest then swung her legs so that they were on either side of me. I, in a split second, saw much more of Aqua than I wanted to, and leaned back away from her into the chair. My face was beet red.
“Hey, sweetie,” she crooked a finger under my chin and brought my face towards her, as she leaned forward with catlike skill. My eyes snapped to hers, brilliant blue which could pull anyone in. “I can give you some E for tonight, that’ll make your evening less boring. I might even stay in to see that,” she smiled.
“Aqua, you’re way too…” conniving? Slutty? “Close.”
“Really?” She leaned forward, and I snapped backward, my back curved over the armrest of the chair. I moved my arms behind me to push myself back ontop of the opposite armrest from her, to get away from her, but as I started she slid her foot behind me and crooked her toes up, running them down my lower back. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” She purred.
Now I couldn’t push backwards and away from her. Exit plan, exit plan, I need an exit plan. I looked at her, “Yes, you are making me uncomfortable,” I said as sternly as possible, “Please stop it.”
Her eyes sharpened and she began leaning closer.
“Aqua, stop harassing Ventus,” Zexion said exiting from the kitchen. Aqua sprang up, then looked over her shoulder at me, “Maybe we’ll have more fun next time,” she winked, then walked back towards her room.
I took a deep breath. “Thanks Zexion,” I looked at him, eternally grateful, my own emo-angel.
“What did Zexion do to get thanks?” Demyx came in the room with a bowl of cheerios.
“Nothing much,” Zexion answered.
“You’re too modest!” Demyx protested, but simply accepted the answer and squeezed his boyfriend.
Terra came back in with two bowls and a glass of coke. He put one of the bowls on the table then approached me with the second. “Ven, you look a little flushed: You’re fever isn’t coming back, is it?” He gave me the bowl of graham crackers then went to press his hand to my forehead like he had many times before. I flinched, then felt him narrow his eyes towards me.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“I need a moment,” said quickly, then put the bowl on the table, walked over to the door, slipped on some of the old slippers there, grabbed and jacket and headed out the door. My breaths came in small gasps. I walked down the cold hallway, pulling the jacket tighter around me. I walked to the window at the side of the hall. It looked out over the lit up city. We were pretty high up, so I could see fairly far. I thought about my family. I thought about Cloud. Wasn’t he friends with a Zachary Fair at some point? Maybe a couple years ago? I sighed and saw my reflection move. My reflection. How’s Roxas? Is he still heartbroken? Did I do the right thing? Is he hurt more now, because I took his place, than he would’ve been if he were kicked out? He could’ve lived with Axel…maybe. How is he? How are Cloud and Larxene? How are Sora, Pence, and little Namine? What did they tell them when I left? Roxas, I need you to talk to you. I miss you. I banged the glass lightly with my fist. Tears fell quickly. I’m such a baby, always crying. They’ll be fine, without me. I sobbed again. Well, they’ll manage without me. God, I miss them.
The walls seem to close in on me again. My heart is pounding in my head. I can barely breathe. I turn on my heel and run down the hall, down the nine flights of stairs, emerging out into the brisk night air. The wind blows against me and I instinctively shudder, but it feels refreshing to be out in the open again. I lean my head back, letting the cold wind hit my face and neck. I feel like I’m alive again. I can breathe again. Can Roxas brea—
No, I need to think on something else and not just obsess over my family. A cigarette. A cigarette would be really good right now. I walk around the dorm, plucking a few half-smoked ones in better shape. Now to find someone with a lighter. I circle the dorm again, and a group—no, a pack—of girls dressed to kill and reeking of makeup and perfume walk out of the main entrance.
“Hi. Do any of you happen to have a light?” I hold up my half of a cigarette. Their loud prattle stops at once and all but two of them immediately dive into their purses. Three of them find lighters at the same time, and put them out to me with doe-eyes. I take the one closest to me and light the end, giving it back to the girl who handed it to me. She looks like she won a game. These girls are intensely weird.
The girl who lent me her lighter steps forward, “Hey, I’m Cheryl. Do you live around here?”
Geh. Does she know I used to be homeless around here? I swallow thickly, and a few of the other girl giggle. “Yeah, I live up on the 9th,” I respond calmly.
“Hey girls! We all here?” I know that voice. I turn to see Aqua and another glammed up girl join the group.
“Oh, hey Couch-cherub.” She walks up to me and ruffles my hair. I scowl at her, debating whether “cherub” is better or worse than “jailbait.”
“Hey Aqua,” I grump, taking a drag of my cigarette.
“I didn’t know you smoked, Ven,” she starts again in a calm voice.
I look at her. That’s probably the first time she called me by my real name. “Occasionally.” I respond.
She winks. “I’ll be sure not to tell the boys. But you had better be getting back up there, your gay mamas are worried about you.”
I hold up the cigarette. “As soon as I’m done,” I tell her. No need to put off the inevitable.
“Hello Ladies!” a girl, who looks to be my age, runs up to the crowd. She has short black hair and blue eyes like Aqua’s. She’s dressed for clubbing, but not as slutty as the others. If anything, she’s playing up an androgynous air with short shorts and a vest. She looks over the bunch of girls, as if calculating something, then sees Aqua, comes up and hugs her, and then her eyes lay on me. She tilts her head, “Are you Ventus?”
“How come Xion always knows all the cuties!” one of the girls whines.
I give a light glare at the section of girls where the fawning voice came from. I do realize, by some standards, I am cute, but that doesn’t mean I like my lack of machismo being constantly pointed out to me.
I scratch the back of my head as Xion takes step forward and looks at me closer. “Yeah, that’s me.” I say, pulling up the cigarette to my lips.
She snatches it and tosses it on the ground. “You were sick. It’s too soon for you to be poisoning yourself with those coffin nails.”
I shrug. “You’re probably right.” The last few drags never taste as good as the first few anyway.
“I’m Xion,” she puts her hand out to me, “those antibiotics you were on were from me.”
I shake her hand. “They were great. Thanks, Xion. It really helped.” I smiled at her, truly grateful.
Aqua put her arm around the small black haired girl. “Xion’s the best, isn’t she,” she smiled.
Xion frowned again. “You’re not thinking about going out, are you?”
“Nah, I just came out for some fresh air. But I’ll be heading back up now. Nice meeting you, Xion. Have a good night, all!” I flashed a smile and headed back indoors, where it would be warm.

Xion turned to Aqua. “What’s a good kid like that doing with you guys?”
Aqua smiled mischievously, “Being corrupted, I hope.”
“Aqua, come on, you should share him, or at least give some of us a chance,” one of the girls whined.
“I don’t share, I’m selfish,” Aqua said playfully, “but when I’m done with him, he’s all yours.”
Xion sighed, giving a glance back to the apartment complex. The group of girls headed towards the club.

I knocked quietly then opened to door into the apartment. Terra and Demyx looked up.
“Really, Ven, you don’t have to knock.” Dem says smiling at me. Terra looked relieved.
“Um…sorry to run out like that. I got a little claustrophobic…err…cabin fever, I guess.” I didn’t mean to make them worry. I really shouldn’t be more trouble than I already am for them.
“No sweat, squirt,” Terra walked by me on the way to the kitchen, ruffled my hair.
“I know! Let’s play Twister!” Demyx chimed.
“I’ll spin,” Zexion volunteered.
“Sounds good,” Terra re-entered the room. “Thanks for taking one for the team, Zexion,” he patted the slate haired man on the shoulder. “Ven, you up to it?”
“Yeah.” I haven’t played Twister with people other than my family in years. Our games always were predictable. Namine spun, Cloud went out first, then Pence, then Larxene, then me, and then Sora or Roxas would win. “Why’s Zexion ‘taking one for the team’?”
“He’s a yoga professor,” Demyx beamed at this information, evidently proud.
“You seem way too happy about that,” Terra muttered.
“What?” Dem whined, “It’s comes in hand—mrfph.” A pillow hit him…from Zexion?
“Stop saying useless things,” Zexion glowered.
“Moving furniture! Setting out mat!” Dem changed the subject and quickly started moving the coffee table and couch out of the way so that we could have space to play.
Soon, the games were underway. I won four times, Terra twice, and Demyx three times. In the tenth game, we were all fairly exhausted.
“Anything but right hand yellow, anything but right hand yellow,” I chanted like a mantra. Terra was in a fairly simple position, doing a sort of crab stand on his hands and feet. Demyx was pretzeled around his legs, and I was over one of his arms with my upper body, and my lower body was interlocked with Demyx’s legs.
“Right hand yellow,” Zexion remarked, as passive as always.
“Zexion, I swear you did that on purpose,” I grunted. All Terra had to do was move a hand to the next row over. Dem quickly twisted so he was facing downward, and now hovered a few inches above Terra, somewhat aligned with him.
“Terra, can you lower yourself a little?”
“Just go under me,” he grunted.
“No way, I’m small, but that’s impossible without touching the mat,” I countered. It would actually be impossible without my crotch right against his ass, but I wasn’t going to do that with Terra.
“Fine,” he conceded, lowering himself a half an inch.
“Jeeze, thanks,” I murmured, and slowly crawled between Dem and Terra. I was facing Dem, who blushed slightly, as my hips rubbed his stomach, I maneuvered some more. My butt was seated above Terra’s upper thighs, Dems arms were on either side of me, almost embracing me, and my face was almost resting on Dem’s shoulder.
“One, two, three,” Zexion said in one quick breath. Dem put up one of his hands in a peace sign. I saw the flash, then was aware of several more as Dem fell on me, and I fell on Terra, rolling a bit, Terra fell on the ground.
“Oof, Ven you’re really bony,” Dem said, pushing from me, causing both me and Terra to grunt from the weight shift.
“Seriously,” Terra added. I blushed, and stood up. Terra stayed lying on the mat.
“You want me to gain weight, just watch!” I stomped playfully out of the room and into the kitchen. Stop blushing, stop blushing. I opened the freezer and saw a gallon of vanilla icecream. I took it out, grabbed a spoon, and re-entered the living room with it in front of me. I took a bite defiantly. Terra, Dem, and even Zexion began rolling with laughter. Zexion took another picture of me.
I sat down and took a few more bites. Dem skipped to the kitchen, retrieving spoons, and we all shared it. Well, they shared it. I was not going to gorge myself on icecream. A few hours later, Dem and Zex retired to Dem’s room, and Terra stayed up with me chatting. He left around 1 am, and I fell asleep content. Too bad the happiness didn’t last.
“Ventus, Ventus! Where are you?” Cloud?
“I don’t know where I am.”
“Why aren’t you here?” Larxene?
“I want to be.”
“Why did you leave us, Ventus? You hurt us! You abandoned us!” Sora, Namine, Pence?
“Ven—“ Roxas???
“ROXAS!” I sat up, shaking and sweating. What a terrible dream. I fixed a cup of warm milk, lied back down, glanced at the clock on the wall. 3.36AM.
Another nightmare, this time, my siblings were on a lower level than I was, and I was looking down at them, but something was wrong, they were in danger, but they couldn’t hear me, and I couldn’t reach them. I awoke with a start. 5.15AM. I lay awake for a while. At 6:22 Aqua stumbles in. I can feel her smirking at me in the dark.
“Rough night for you too, huh?” she stinks of booze. She limps to the bathroom then heads straight to her room.
The sun is rising when I fall back asleep around 7:00. My circadian rhythms wake me back up at 10:00. Dem and Terra are getting coffee. I groggily get up out of bed, fix myself a half cup of coffee and fill the rest of the mug with milk. Dem shoots me a dirty look as I pour the coffee, but doesn’t say anything when he sees it’s mostly milk.
Saturday passes quietly and calmly. Terra thinks I should get out of the house more, so we take a walk before he has to work in the afternoon. It exhausts me. He and Dem leave at 2pm, and I start watching some of Aqua’s (or maybe Dem’s) chick flicks. They’re light-hearted and good for a laugh, and will distract me. Around 9 I let myself fall asleep, but the nightmares plague me again.
“Ven!” Roxas?
“Ven!” Wait—I—
“Ven!” that’s a real voice, someone’s next to me.
I wake up with a start and hug Roxas. Only after a few seconds I realize this person is bigger than Roxas and doesn’t smell like Roxas. They smell like patchouli and oregano.
“Sh…It was a dream,” Terra says.
I squeeze him tighter, not wanting him to slip away either. I feel his warm hand tracing circles on my back. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him. I start crying. Again. Why am I such a baby?
“Oh, Ven,” I hear him say, and I can’t stand the empathetic pain in his voice.
“I don’t want to be alone.” I hear myself say in response, without thinking. The truth in this is a little shocking to me.
Terra held me tighter, “You’re not alone. I’m here. I’m right here,” his voice was warm, even in the cold apartment. “Just breathe.”
I take a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. My tears have subsided. My arms laxed.
“Good, good,” I heard him say, and he began to run his fingers through my hair, and kept me close with his other hand on my back between my shoulder blades.
My body melts and I put my head on his shoulder. I feel him chuckle lowly. We sit there for a few minutes.
“Do you want to talk about the dream?” he asks, and I can feel his voice vibrate in his chest.
“Not really,” I respond truthfully. I feel blissfully relaxed in his arms. I feel safe. When was the last time I felt safe?
I feel him yawn.
“You should go to bed.”
“Only when I know you’re better.”
I pull back from him so I can look him in the eye. Our features are only dimly visible. I give him a small smile.
“Thank you.”
He ruffles my bed head of hair. “Feel free to wake me up whenever, if you have a bad dream, or anything. Okay?”
I nod, then catch myself. “I’m not a kid, Terra.”
He laughs lightly. “Didn’t say you were. Some things are just easier to not go through alone, alright?”
“Sure.”
He got up and I immediately felt the absence of his warmth. I shivered and got back under the fluffy comforter. I shut my eyes tightly and hear Terra walk into the kitchen. A few moments later he re-enters and walks behind the couch. I can feel him looking down at me. I open my eyes. He smiles, ruffles my hair, wishes me goodnight, and then retires to his own room. I fall back into restless sleep.
“Oof!” Why is there something heavy on my stomach? Feels way heavier than Sora. I open my eyes to see a blue haired girl straddling me.
“Aqua, what in the world…?” I mumble angrily.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” she says. I can smell the alcohol on her breath. “Want a morning ciggy?”
I rub the sleep out of my eyes and look at her. Her makeup is flaking off again and her mascara is a mess. “Huh? No,” I mumble, still disoriented.
She practically lies down on me, bending so that her face is two inches from mine. I can feel her chest put some pressure on the top of the comforter.
“How about some morning sex?” she traces the side of my face with her fingertips and nails. I flinch away from it. Then her words sink in.
“What the…?” I blush. “Aqua, thanks, but no thanks.” What is with this girl? I squirm under her weight. “Can you get off? You’re heavy.” That’s good, telling girls the truth about their weight (seriously, do they think they are feathers?) generally turns them off.
“Probably. But I’d rather you help me get off,” she smirks and leans down and tries to plant a sloppy kiss on my lips but I don’t open my mouth. I manage to free my arms from under the covers and push her shoulders away.
“Aqua, stop!” I say loudly. This seems to get through to her. She sits up and pouts, then stands up (being none-to-gentle with the fact that I’m under her,) and stomps off, saying something along the lines of “You’re no fun.”
I lie there shell-shocked. What forces of nature are these roommates? I can feel her saliva still on my face and cringe. I get up to go wash it off, and the ground shifts from under me sharply. I fall on the floor, my arm hitting the table. I pull myself up, my arm throbbing. One of Aqua’s stilettos is on the floor. “Stupid woman.” I mutter, kicking it under the table so I won’t trip on it again, then go to the bathroom, and wash my face. I brush my teeth for good measure, someone appears at the door. I jump.
“I heard some noise. Is Aqua back?” Terra says sleepily.
“Yeah,” I grump and spit toothpaste into the sink.
Terra smiles, “Did she wake you up, sleepy head?”
“Yeah, by sitting on me,” I said acerbically. By straddling me, making a pass at me, and kissing or slobbering on me. Yeah, she woke me up. I scowl at my reflection in the mirror.
“I’ll make coffee,” Terra yawns.
We sit in the living room with two steaming mugs. Terra turns on the morning news. His presence is so comforting. I yawn. My eyes drift closed. A few minutes later I feel someone take the warm mug out of my hands. I fall asleep.

Dem walks into the room an hour later, approaching the couch from behind.
“Where’s Ventus?” he says into mug of steaming joe.
Terra points down silently. Dem looks over the back of the couch to see the blonde curled up on Terra’s lap, nuzzling his thigh.
“Now that’s too cute,” Dem says. Terra nods. “He looks so defenseless…so…for lack of a better word, rapeable…did you ever find out it anything happened when he was out there?”
A shadow fell over Terra’s face. “No, I tried to get info from Luxord, but he wouldn’t let me know either way. ‘Patient Privacy.’ It really hasn’t come up between us when we’re talking.”
“That sort of thing won’t come up unless you bring it up.” Dem reminds Terra.
“Yeah, I know.”
Dem’s face brightens, “So, do you think you are going to tell him?” He looks at Terra hopefully.
“It’s too soon. Besides, I don’t want him to feel pressured to do anything about it,” Terra looked down at the blond lovingly.
“If you told him, I don’t think it would be a bad thing,” Dem chimed, then let the topic drop. Zexion walked in the room.
“Don’t forget Luxord’s coming by at 2. Dem, we should go shopping today for that thing.” Zexion said, almost robotically.
“Oh yeah! Okay, I’ll go get cleaned up then we should leave. Terra, will you be around for when Luxord gets here?”
“Sure thing.”
The couple left shortly afterward.

Terra was faced with a dilemma. He could get up and go to the bathroom, disturbing Ven who was sleeping peacefully on his lap, or he could continue to hold it, as he had been the past 40 minutes, until his bladder pained him. He sighed. Seeing a pillow next to the couch, he formulated a plan that would disturb the blond the least. He slowly raised himself up, then held Ven’s head for a second, sliding the pillow under him, where Terra’s thigh was. Ventus made a cute noise in his sleep, but didn’t wake up.
Terra let out a breath of relief.
When he came back, Ventus was in a tightly curled fetal position. His fingers were clenched tightly in his fists, turning his knuckles white.
“Nightmares, again?” Terra asked to himself. He traded himself out for the pillow. Ventus put a death grip on his thigh once Terra lowered him onto it.
“Ter…ra,” Ven half-whispered, half moaned.
“I’m right here, Ven,” Terra responded, really happy that Ven had called out his name in his sleep.
“Don’t leave me,” Ven spoke into Terra’s thigh, “Terra.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Ventus,” Terra began to run his fingers through the blond’s hair, and traced circles between Ven’s shoulder blades, feeling vertebrae under the skin.
“You’re really skinny, Ven,” Terra mused.
“Ter…ra,” Ven sighed as he relaxed, his fists loosening. He pulled his hands up near his face, resting them on Terra’s thigh.
Terra was really happy that Ven was saying his name in his sleep. But he wasn’t saying his twin’s name. Had Terra taken Roxas’ place? No, not possible. But did Ven see Terra as another brother?
This thought stung the brunet. He sighed. As long as it keeps me by his side, I’ll be happy. As long as he’s happy, I’ll be happy. He told himself.

I heard a knocking in my sleep. Wonderful dreamless sleep.
“Ven, gotta get up buddy. That’s Luxord.” I hear Terra explain as he picks up my head lightly and gets up.
I hear Terra open the door and let someone in. I’m still pushing myself up groggily on the couch.
The man in the room is huge, and oddly familiar, like he was a character in a dream, long since forgotten.
“Ah, Ventus, you may not remember me. You were pretty ill when I saw you last.” The tall man reaches out and we shake hands.
“Luxord?” I ask him. He’s bigger up close.
He nods.
“I only partially remember you, but I don’t remember talking with you.”
“It’s alright. Shall we go check your weight on the scale in the bathroom?”
I see Terra give Luxord a slight glare, and we head to the bathroom. After the exam, we come back out to the living room to discuss “findings.” Luxord has a rather odd bedside manner.
Dem and Zex are sitting on the same cushion on the couch, near to the chair which is occupied by Terra.
“Well,” Luxord starts, “Congratulations on gaining two pounds.”
Demyx claps enthusiastically. Earning him looks from the entire room. “Two pounds closer to being a healthy weight. I’m excited for him, alright?”
I scratch the back of my head. “Thanks, Dem.”
“Aww, you’re welcome, sweetie.” Dem chimes.
“Moving on,” Luxord starts again, “You should slowly add more fruits and vegetables to your diet, and meat. You should also start exercising to build back some of the muscle that’s atrophied, but remember with all of these, slow steps. Don’t try to put yourself back into the regimen you were in before; it will only put more strain on your body, if not causing shock to your system. Other than that, I’m happy to see the progress you’ve made so far. You’re complexion looks a lot better, you’re responses are better. I’ll check back with you in three weeks. If you have any problems, feel free to call. I think everyone here knows how to get in touch with me.”
“Thank you, Luxord.” I smiled at him. I’m relieved I’m getting better, even if I still feel really tired.
Luxord left, and the four of us played on the xbox until late.

I slept in until 11 on Monday. Another night of bad dreams. I’m starting to dislike this. Zexion came in the room, sat down in the chair as I stared absently at the TV.
“Good morning,” I mumbled.
“It is for me, thank you,” Zexion said plainly. I smiled, one can always count on Zexion to give you no-frills language.
He handed out a small silver flip phone. “Dem and I picked this up for you while we were shopping yesterday. It should give you some more independence, since you don’t have a key yet. Yes, we’ll make you a key soon, and no, it’s no trouble. Just consider yourself as part of the household.”
I took the phone from him and opened it. It was a pay-as-you go phone and had 900 minutes loaded on it. “Thank you. A lot. There’s really no reason for you—“
“You deserve it. You’re a friend. We support our friends.”
I blinked at this. “Th—“
“I know you’re grateful,” and then Zexion smiled at me, a big, toothy grin. I blinked again.
Zexion began explaining: “If you ever need to talk, I’ll listen. I’m studying psychology, so perhaps my training may be useful to you, as Luxord’s was. But back on track, the phone is already pre-loaded with mine, Demyx, Aqua, and Terra’s phone numbers.”
I smiled and played with the phone. Zexion got up from his seat. “I’ll be going, then. See you later, Ventus,” Zexion said with his normal indifferent air and small smile.
“Bye, Zexion. Have a good day!” I said, happily. Maybe if I tried harder I could really be happy here. The guys are really great guys.
Zexion waved to me from the door. The click echoed through the empty apartment. I sighed, flipped open the phone, and spoke to the top of it, “Beam me up, Scotty.”

The week dragged on. I began wandering in a sleep deprived haze. I also started to fall asleep whenever anyone else was in the room with me. I could see Terra and Demyx growing more concerned again. If the circumstances were different, I would find it funny how similar the worry shows on their faces: slightly pursed lips, eyes large and searching, brows furrowed.
Wednesday night I kept talking to Terra, keeping him in the living room with me with half-dropped hints that I didn’t really want to be alone. He kept staying in response to my veiled wishes for him to be with me. At four-thirty he yawned and I plagued myself with guilt. He had class in a few hours, why was I doing this to him? I should face going to sleep alone, even if I dread it, even if I hate it. I told him to go to bed and he went, without complaint. He was extra groggy Thursday morning, but didn’t say anything negative. He just ruffled my hair as usual and went to class.
Thursday night Terra, myself, and Zemyx sat down to watch a movie we had rented. Aqua came in, dressed in jeans and a tshirt, and without makeup on. She looked almost like a different person. She acted like one as well. She blended in with Terra and Demyx, behaving like a sister, who liked to act up and joke, instead of an aggressive slut who disrespected herself and all those around her. I was awake on and off again through the movie. I woke up at 11 when it finished. Aqua went back to her room to study. Demyx and Zexion went back to their room to…not study. I stretched and yawned. Looking up at Terra from my normal spot on his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair and I shut my eyes and tilted my head into his hand. Somehow, I knew he was smiling.
“Aqua, used to always be like…like how she was tonight. She was a really awesome girl. We dated for a while. Broke up as friends, and then the three of us moved here. But something happened, I guess. She slowly got into more and more drugs and more and more drinking. She’s only sober, like she was tonight, maybe once a month now. I miss the old her. Demyx, Zexion, and I had an intervention a few months ago. Well, maybe six months ago. She just got defensive and angry with us. I had been drinking with her before that point, and quit after the intervention. I tried to convince her to sober up with me, but she didn’t really want to get better.”
Terra looked distant and sad. I reached up and pushed a lock of hair from his forehead to behind his ear. “I’m sorry you’re in pain, Terra.” I said quietly. “I would take away your pain if I knew how.”
Something flashed across his face. His eyes sharpened for a moment. Then he slowly stood up and gave me a pillow. He walked stiffly to retire to his room. I wondered vaguely if I had said the wrong thing. Maybe I was acting like a girl. Maybe I shouldn’t have—
“You do take it away, Ven. You take a lot of it away.” He said and retired to his bedroom.
I smiled and shut my eyes, letting sleep take me again.

“Terra?”
“Ven! Where are you, Ven?”
“I’m here!”
“He’s not here, Terra.”
“I’m right here! Can’t you see me?”
“He left us all alone. I guess he didn’t like us after all.”
“He had to—“
“Ven, why did you leave?”
“Terra, I’m right here.”
“He left us.”
“I didn’t leave!”
“You hurt us.”

“NO!” I woke up, sweating, heart pounding. My stomach lurched. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I didn’t feel any better as I flushed the toilet. I mechanically brushed my teeth, rinsed my mouth, got a glass of water from the kitchen, lied back down on the couch in the living room, and watched the clock slowly change every minute from 3.13AM to 8.00AM. I felt like I had been put through a meat tenderizer. My head blared. I felt weak.
I have to call Luxord.
Terra and Demyx ran out to class. I pretended to be asleep. I was too weak to fake pleasantries, and I didn’t want to worry them.
They whispered while putting on their shoes.
“Zex said he threw up again last night,” Demyx said with a worried tone. I guess I can never spare them.
“I thought he was getting better,” Terra responded in a hushed tone.
“So did I,” Demyx said. “We’ll talk with him later. Let him rest for now.”
“Yeah.”
I heard the door click, and the apartment was quiet again.
Around 11 Zexion emerged from Dem’s room. He sat next to me with a cup of steaming tea.
“Good morning,” I said.
“It is for me, yes.” Zexion replied. I had an odd sense of déjà vu.
“Do you have Luxord’s number?” I asked. No need to put off the inevitable.
Zexion extended his hand. I looked at it. His phone was open and Luxord’s number was showing. “Feel free to use mine. I hardly ever talk on it.”
Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. “Do you mind if I take it into the hall?”
He shook his head. “I could leave the room, if you like.” He offered, but I was already near the door.
“Thanks, I’ll be back.”

The phone rang once.
Click. “Dem, man, he’ll be fine. Let the kid breathe.” Luxord sounded slightly exasperated and slightly annoyed.
“Luxord? Are you talking about me?” I asked.
“Ventus?” He sounded shocked.
“Yeah.”
“What’s up, kid?” he asked, happily.
Great cover, guy. “Umm…I’m having serious trouble sleeping.”
“Well…sorry to hear that. Are you waking up from pain? Or are you sick? Or what’s happening?”
“Umm…well…it’s mostly really bad nightmares. It made me sick last night, but that was the first time…it don’t have them if someone else is in the room with me…I don’t know.”
“Well, Ven. It’s not really my area of expertise. You should think about talking to Zexion, this is more his corner. All I could really do is tell you to pop some sleeping pills, but if it’s a chronic problem that wouldn’t be a viable solution.”
“Yeah, thanks anyway.” I sighed. Now I get to sound like a whiny little girl to someone who I am always around. Joy.
“Yeah, no prob. You doin’ alright, physically?”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, as far as I can tell.”
“Good, well, I’ll see you in a few weeks. Let me know how the sleeping issues turn out.”
“Sure thing. Thanks again.”
We hung up. I sighed and looked at the apartment door as if it were a firing squad.
Zexion turned off the TV as I re-entered the room. I sat next to him on the couch and gave him back his phone.
We sat in silence for a moment. I sighed and massaged my temples. “How much do you know?”
Zexion looked as if he were considering me for a minute. “About…?”
“The sleeping issue,” I responded. Man, I don’t even want to think about how much he knows about everything else.
“You haven’t been resting for at least a week due to nightmares. You only sleep soundly when someone else is in the room. This sleep-deprivation has been taking toll on your appetite, and physical wellness, culminating in you getting sick last night.” Zexion listed.
“I like the way it sounds when you say it. I don’t sound like a little girl having nightmares and crying about it. I don’t sound like a coward.”
“You aren’t a coward, even if you are having sleeping difficulties. And I very much doubt that you are of the feminine persuasion. If you are, you’re doing a very good job acting like a young man.”
I laughed so hard my stomach curled. Emo-guy made a joke!
“Do you wish to talk about it?” Zexion resumed his professional air.
“If it will help,” I replied, yawning. I already felt sleepy and relaxed in his presence.
“It generally has some positive effects. Even if to illuminate new solutions and perspectives to yourself,” Zexion encouraged me, in his clinical way.
“I just…I always slept with other people in the room. Roxas and I shared a bed. It’s hard to get used to I guess. And I keep having these nightmares…about having to leave. I didn’t want to leave them. I didn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt them. I don’t know what I could have done! I just wanted to keep Roxas safe. I wanted to protect him, and this might have hurt him more.” I gushed. I was trembling.
“Ventus, how exactly did you protect your brother?”
“It…he…A while back he started dating this guy…Axel…and Axel’s really great,” I sniffled. “Anyway, Roxas started getting all happy. Happy like he hadn’t been in years. It was great, really. Then he decided he would come out to our parents.” I sniffled again. Zexion made an affirmative “hmm” noise and handed me his handkerchief.
I wiped my eyes with it. “Who carries a handkerchief?”
“I do. Continue with your story,” he said encouragingly.
“So he decided he would come out to our parents. We had no idea how they would react. So we went together, and he was so scared, so nervous, I just did it and I didn’t think. I said that I was the gay one who had the long-term boyfriend. And they got angry. Both of them, so angry. They started shouting and screaming and
Dad literally threw me out. They told me I couldn’t see any of my brothers and sisters again. And I haven’t since then. Except in my dreams. In my dreams everynight. I miss them so much. I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to, I just—“ I was bawling. Zexion moved closer to me and hugged me. I gripped his sweater tightly and cried some more. After several minutes my breathing slowed.
Zexion said quietly, “Do you want me to give you some space?”
I sat back from him, breaking the hug. I yawned. “I’m just so…”
He reached over to me, ruffling my hair. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
He got up and went to Dem’s room. I was staring blankly at the wall when he came back. He lightly grabbed my hand and walked us back to Dem’s room. The bed had just been made.
“I think, more than anything, you need to sleep right now. I can lie next to you, if you like. We’ll talk later, after you’ve rested.”
I nodded feebly. I walked over to the bed and crawled in, under the covers. Zexion followed me. I looked at him on the other side of the pillow.
“Can I hold your hand?” I said quietly, not quite a whisper.
“Of course,” Zexion gave me his hand under the covers.
“Thank—“ I fell asleep.

Terra cocked his head to the side as he read the note posted on the front door. Aqua and Terra, please be quiet upon entering. Ventus is finally sleeping. ~Zexion
Hey T, take a pic please! ~D
Terra took off his shoes and entered the empty living room. He put his bookbag down and walked quietly to the hallway. Demyx’s door was ajar, and it generally never was, unless Zexion was not there. Terra tapped lightly on the door and pushed it open the rest of the way. Tightly squeezed in the university issued twin bed were Demyx, Ventus, and Zexion. Dem rested on his side facing Ventus, and draped an arm over the younger blond. Ventus was on his back but his head was slightly tilted toward Dem. Zexion, who opened his eyes when Terra pushed the door open, was reclining on his side. One of his hands still held Ventus’s. Terra held up his phone to take a picture, and Zexion shrugged. A few snapshots later, Terra walked up to the side of the bed and whispered to Zexion. “So, Ven is ‘finally sleeping,’” he half-asked.
“It seems he’s been having trouble sleeping alone. He said was used to sharing a bed with his twin, and the room with his two other brothers. What time is it?”
“Around four.”
“Then he’s been asleep for five hours. Dem will be off the walls tonight. He usually doesn’t get this much rest,” Zexion sighed.
“Did you get to talk to him?” Terra asked, reaching over and brushing a stray lock of hair out of Ven’s face.
Zexion smiled, “only a little. He was rather…undone from lack of sleep. We agreed to talk at greater length later.”
“Do you need anything?” Terra asked. Zexion shook his head. “Then I’ll be in my room working on a paper. Let me know when you all get up,” Terra said then silently padded out of the room.

I could hear light whispering. I felt warm, comfortable, and, above all else, safe. The voices grew more distinct: Demyx and Zexion. I moved slightly, opening an eye. A pair of brilliant sky blue eyes looked at me, blinking.
“Did you have a good rest?” Dem asked.
I nodded, then loosed my hand from the hand it was holding. I looked to my other side and saw Zexion looking at me, with his small content smile. I blushed lightly. I hid the fact behind a gesture of rubbing my face awake. I’m in a Zemyx sandwich, I thought.
I sat up and stretched, my back popping in many places. Zexion stood and looked at me, “You’re almost as bad as Demyx,” he chastised me lightly.
Dem popped his neck, shoulder, elbow, wrist, then fingers. “Almost,” he parroted. I giggled lightly, and stiffly got out of bed. I felt almost well rested. It was an amazing feeling. “Thanks, guys, I feel great,” I stretched some more and my stomach growled.
“Dinner time!” Demyx said in response and bounded out of bed.
I followed Dem and Zexion into the kitchen, snagging a bottle of water from the fridge. I smiled at Zexion, and he smiled back.
“Ven, can you tell Terra we’re up and making dinner?” Dem asked as he sorted through various pans.
“Sure thing,” I said and walked out of the kitchen with a bounce in my step. I hadn’t felt so light in a long time. That is, until I opened Terra’s door. What I saw made my heart drop through the floor.
Aqua was straddling Terra as he sat, with his back towards me, in his computer chair. I heard a wet noise, like one hears in the movies when two people break a kiss. I pale, falling back to lean on the door frame. Aqua looks up, and smiles with a look somewhere between pure evil and triumph.
“Aqua, what the fuck were you thinking?” Terra growled.
I blinked dumbly. “Demyx says he’s making dinner,” I say hollowly. Terra starts. Aqua starts walking towards me. Are they dating? How long have they been dating? It makes sense, since neither ever brings back a romantic partner. How could I be so dumb? I felt really small and insignificant. I had barely registered that Aqua was right up next to me when she cupped my cheeks.
“Are you curious as to how that tasted?” she whispered huskily.
“No,” I said back, trying to glare, probably looking more hurt than anything.
She hitched her leg up past my hip. “You sure?” she said. I wasn’t really conscious of anything that was happening.
I turned my face away from hers and stared at the ground “Stop this,” I said weakly to myself and Aqua. “I’m not interest—“
A hand shot in front of me, separating us two.
“Aqua, leave Ven alone, go back to your room and sober up or something,” Terra spat viciously.
Aqua separated herself from me with a “hmpf” and left the room.
I kept my eyes trained on the floor. “Sorry for interrupting…” I started, brain still dead from processing a million pieces of unfortunate information that went against all I felt for Terra.
“Ven,” Terra said firmly. He sounded scary. I flinched. He sighed. “There’s nothing between me and Aqua. She just threw herself at me and I shouldn’t have let her. It was a mistake, I’m sorry.” He explained. I could hear pain in his voice. Did I hurt Terra?
“I shouldn’t…I don’t have the right to…” Nothing came out of my mouth the right way. “I didn’t mean to—“ I stopped myself. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to cause you worry. Emotions were welling up in me. God, don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry!
“Ven?” Terra said gently, as he always is. Stop being so nice! It just makes me love you more! I was shaking and my fists were balled. I could feel my fingernails biting into my palms.
Terra began again, “I didn’t mean to make you angry…”
“I’m not angry,” I said, looking up at him. I was able to breathe again. I took a deep breath. “I’m a little…” confused? Overwhelmed? I looked away from him. “Hungry, I guess.”
Terra sighed. “Ven, you don’t have to lie for me.”
“No…” I searched for the right words, “I have to lie for me. Just for right now, okay?” I looked up at him. I didn’t want to deal with this, I couldn’t deal with this.
“Okay, squirt,” he ruffled my hair. “Let’s go get some dinner.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of his room, and into the kitchen. To my eternal gratitude, the topic was dropped.

He droops as fast as Demyx does. I wonder how easy it will be to distract him from whatever is troubling him now. Something must’ve happened with Terra. Zexion observed as Terra and Ventus entered the kitchen quietly, an almost forced peaceful air surrounding them.
“What’s for dinner, Dem?” Terra looked over Demyx’s shoulder in the pot he was stirring.
“Stew and rice,” Dem replied. “Oh! Did you hear? Larxene and Marluxia are getting married!” Dem erupted with the news of the maniacal math teacher and the flowery botany professor. The news had cause quite a stir in the university’s gossip exchanges.
Zexion watched Ventus closely as dinner progressed. The blond seemed less refreshed than what he was when he first woke up. It seemed his energy had been zapped by some mental predicament. He needed to open up to someone, to let this anxiety have an outlet, whether it be Terra or Zexion or even Demyx. Zexion half smiled: At least Ventus was not as hollow as he was before; he was tired, but not cadaverous as he had been.
The four were sitting in the living room. The television was on but no one was watching it. Zexion broke the silence, “Ventus, you may be able to sleep better if you had someone else in the room with you. Terra has a chair the folds out into a futon—thing—in his room.” Ventus looked wide-eyed at Zexion: firstly, because he had suggested that he and Terra sleep in the same room, near one another. Secondly, because he had stumbled over his words rather inarticulately—a rare thing indeed.
“Oh, the flip-and-fuck?” Demyx chimed naming the item Zexion had verbally stumbled over. Looks were exchanged between pair, and then Demyx sighed and went back to flipping through the channels on mute.
“Ven,” Terra said slowly, and Ventus turned his attention to the brunet on his left. “If you’d be more comfortable, if you’d sleep better, you’re more than welcome to come sleep in my room. I would have offered earlier, but I thought you would have preferred the semi-privacy of the living room.”
Ven looked down at his knees. “Umm…” he blushed furiously, “It may be slightly better,” he nodded, “…there.”
Zexion smiled a wide toothy grin. “Then it’s all settled.”
A few hours and a few episodes of Jeopardy later, the boys retired to their separate rooms. Terra and Ven changed into sleep clothes back to back. They turned and looked at each other. Ven admired Terra’s chocolate brown silk pajama pants, and a fitted red undershirt that showed off his abs and strong shoulders. Terra looked over Ven’s black sweatpants on his delicate figure, and a loose grey t-shirt that somehow made his blue eyes and blonde hair all the more attractive. Their gaze caught each others, then both shuffled their feet. Ventus looked to the side and blushed, and Terra made himself busy getting the flip—futon, it was a futon—ready for Ventus. He moved it so that it was in an L-shape with his bed. The two heads of the mattresses closest to one another. Shortly later, they snuggled into their respective beds.
“Good night, Ven,” Terra said, turning off the lamp.
“Night, Terra. Thank you.” Ventus said. He could hear Terra smile.
“The next time you say ‘thank you’ I’m going to throw a pillow at you.” Terra said as he twisted in bed, trying to find a good sleeping position.
Ventus chuckled. His eyes slid shut, and listened to Terra’s breathing as it slowed. Sleep took him, and he rested peacefully throughout the night.

I woke up early the next morning. Sunlight filtered in through red curtains, giving everything a pinkish glow. I breathed in. It smelled like Terra. I slowly stood up and stretched. Terra looked so peaceful. Happy. I smiled down at him. His eyes fluttered open.
“Good morning,” I said, smiling.
He put his hand out to me. I instinctively put mine in it, then he pulled me ontop of him.
“I love your smile. That was the best way to wake up ever,” he said. I could feel his voice vibrating in his chest below my cheek. I blushed deeply.
“You’re embarrassing me,” I grumbled.
“How did you sleep?” he asked, rubbing my back in small circles like he did when I was sick.
I smiled, pulling up my head playfully. “Do you want the polite answer or the honest one?”
He pulled his hand up and ran his fingers through my hair. I smiled broadly.
“The truthful one,” he said with sudden intense sincerity. I put my head back on his chest as my cheeks turned bright red again.
“I feel almost well rested,” I spoke into his chest. “I feel…stronger somehow. Like all my problems are still there, but I’m not so powerless against them.”
“I’m glad,” he said simply.
My stomach growled in response.
“Let’s get you some breakfast,” he said, then his stomach growled as well.
We laughed our way to the kitchen.

The days passed, and I started feeling like I was living again, not just drifting. I could go outside and not be depressed by thoughts of “what if I was still sleeping out here.” I could eat and not feel guilty. I could smile and it not be forced. Eighteen months wasn’t unbearably long to wait to see my brother again.