Chapter Text
August 18, 1979
I would not be here, at this university, were it not for the Lord and his ways. Praise be to God for what he has given me.
“O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever.”
-Psalm 118:29 KJV
C.N.
*
Castiel sets the pen down on the small desk in his new dorm. The noise echoes in the empty room. A crucifix hangs on the tan wall that it is against. Apparently, each dorm room in Kansas Evangelist University comes with one. Jesus hangs gracefully, a sign that He has saved us. His body lies limp with the guilt of millions of sinners. Sinners just like Castiel. Not on purpose, of course. He tries his best, he’s been saved, you know, all those things that make him a true believer.
His eyes trail away from the wall and around the room. He still hasn’t unpacked. The bed he chose is on the right side of the room and is currently strewn with clothes to be hung, books galore, and unpacked boxes all along his side of the dormitory. The bed on the other side, the one for the other man, is completely empty. Not that he minds, of course. Who wouldn’t want to have a solo dorm?
He folds the pages of his journal together and wraps the string back around the leather cover and dirty white pages to close it. The room is silent, his light breaths just barely noticeable. He stares out the window where birds are chirping by a tree. A squirrel runs up the bark and pauses, adjusting the nut in his mouth. For a moment in his lonely solitude, Castiel thinks that maybe a roommate wouldn’t be too bad.
After about an hour, the clothes are hung up in his closet responsibly and his backpack assembled for the days to come (both done reluctantly, of course). Castiel pulls out the paper with his schedule and rereads it over and over again to get it burned into his head.
Monday/Wednesday/Friday
9:05-9:55 — French
LANG…ROOM 105
10:10-11 — Psychology
HUM…ROOM 101
12:20-1:10 — American History
HUM…ROOM 206
Tuesday/Thursday
9:15-10:30 — Old Testament
THEO…ROOM 212
10:45-11:30 — Chapel Service
1:15-2:30 — English Literature
LANG…ROOM 107
It’s not that bad, Castiel thinks. At least there’s no math classes. Two or three classes in a day should be nothing. He can do it. God will be with him. For extra encouragement—and maybe out of boredom—he pulls out his Bible and begins to read.
*
The sun falls below tree branches outside while Castiel jumps awake from a nap he didn’t even know he was taking. His Bible sits open in his lap and it seems he only got through a few pages. The door to the room is wide open with a few small boxes in the entry way.
“Hey, I guess I’m a little late.” A man says, carrying in a trash bag of clothes. His hair is a dirty blonde, maybe even dark enough to be considered light brown. He’s freshly shaved with no stubble making any appearance whatsoever. His face glows, but not as bright as his powerfully green eyes. They take Castiel into a trance, almost reminding him of the way leaves reflect the shine of the sun’s intense rays. His youthful beauty is overwhelming.
Castiel clears his throat. “Oh no, don’t worry about it. You’re not late.”
“It was a joke,” The man responds with a straight face. He throws the bag on his sheetless bed and walks up to Castiel. “Dean Winchester.” He holds his hand out and Castiel hesitantly mirrors his new roommate to shake his hand. The man’s—Dean’s—palm is soft and warm but littered with calluses just below his fingers. The handshake is firm, so unexpectedly firm.
“I’m Castiel.” Castiel clears his throat again. That wasn’t too weird, right? Is he making a bad impression? Surely not yet, it’s probably been less than five minutes since they met.. “Um, Castiel Novak.”
“Castiel.” Dean says to himself, almost as if to see how the name tastes on his tongue. Castiel doesn’t move, just breathes. In and out. In. Out. “Well Cas—I’m going to call you Cas—um, I’m heading out. Don’t expect me anytime soon.”
“Do you have more boxes? I don’t mind to help if-” Castiel asks shortly before being interrupted by the man.
“It’s a date so I might not be back until the morning.” He completely ignores the offer.
“Oh.” Castiel moves his gaze to the ground. A date—that’s understandable. Castiel is straight as a line but he can admit when a man is attractive. What he doesn’t understand though, is why the man—Dean—would be out for that long. For a Christian, he sure has different values than most at this school. Premarital sex is sinful and… No, that’s not something he should be assuming about his new roommate.
“See ya.” Dean salutes with two fingers to his forehead before spinning his car keys in his hand and slamming the door closed. Castiel watches out the window as Dean gets into a black, shiny car. He hears the engine rev through the glass as he sees Dean turn the keys.
What a first meeting, Castiel thinks to himself.
*
Castiel wakes up when the door squeaks open. With the little light from the sunrise, he focuses his eyes on the analog clock that reads 6:37 am. Dean flops down on his own bed and (dramatically) releases a big breath before rolling over into the blanket. It cocoons him.
“How was the date?” Castiel says just above a whisper. It’s possible that Dean might have not even heard him.
“What?” Dean mumbles into his pillow. Castiel begins to wish he didn’t hear him now.
“I thought you went on a date?”
“Oh, right.” Dean mumbles again and finally moves his face to where his words can be legible. His cheek is squished against the pillow and his eyes closed as he now speaks. “Yeah, I’m wasted. She was smoking, man. You don’t even want to know-”
“You’re drunk?” Castiel interrupts and flips his head to face Dean across the room. “You’re in a dorm at a religious institution and you’re drunk?” What is wrong with him? Of course, out of any man in the school, Castiel gets this one.
“Yeah, uh, I guess I am.” Dean clears his throat and turns over in his bed.
“Oh.” Is all Castiel has left to say before he falls back asleep.
*
August 19, 1979
When Castiel wakes up the next morning, Dean is missing. The bed is completely empty and holds the mess that he once laid on. Unlike his roommate, Castiel slides out of bed and tucks the blanket back into place. He finds a blue sweater and pair of jeans before making his way out the room and down to the dining hall for breakfast.
He sits alone and watches friend groups go back and forth, laughing through loud conversations. The first bite of egg is so disgusting he almost wishes he never came to eat. Everything is so off, so different from what he had expected his first weekend at school. Not only that, he doesn’t even know if his dorm is safe anymore. That is, if his drunken roommate is even going to be present for the school year ahead.
Castiel’s fingertips run through his dark hair and then props up his head in a fist. He slings the fork back and forth through his food, picking at parts that could be slightly edible. He forces it down and places his tray to be washed.
Dean is in the dorm room when Castiel returns. His side of the room is cleaned up, as he is too. His hair is wet and their shared bathroom steamy. When the door squeaks open, he turns his head up to face Castiel. All Castiel can focus on is the fact that the entire dorm room smells like a masculine shampoo radiating through the humid heat.
“Hey…Cas? Right?”
“It’s Castiel.” He corrects. No one has ever called him Cas, and no one ever will.
“Castiel. Sorry.” Dean clears his throat and slaps his hands on his spread knees. “Look man, I just want to apologize for how we met. I was, you know. Out of it, I guess. But look, I’m not as bad as I seem.”
“Were you drunk last night, Dean?” Castiel ignores the fake apology from his roommate, who now sighs loudly.
“Yeah. Yeah I was drunk.” His fingers grasp his knees tighter. “It won’t happen again.”
“Just don’t get me kicked out.”
“Gotcha.” Dean says with a bright and wide smile. His teeth shine in the worn down room.
“Let’s just start over, okay?” Castiel sighs and runs his hand over his face roughly. “I’m Castiel. I took a gap year, but I’m a first year and I assume you are too. I’m majoring in Biblical and Theological Studies.”
“Bible studies? What are you, a priest?”
“Not a priest. Just trying to be something in the Ministry in the future. The world could use the Word of God. What about you? What are you here for?”
“Well, I’m here because my parents want me to be here. Never thought I’d go to college, but hey, I made it. I haven’t decided on a major yet, just wanting to get my core curriculum and general education done.”
“You’re undecided? Dean, you know you don’t have that long until you finally have to decide. Please tell me you know that.”
“Okay Dad, you think I don’t know that?” Dean rolls his eyes and gives a disappointing look to Castiel. “No shit.” He whispers just under his breath, just enough for Castiel to slightly make it out. He decides to ignore it. “So, what now?”
“What do you mean, ‘what now’?” Castiel asks.
“Well, we know that much about each other, so where do we go from here? I mean, are we just going to sit in silence for the rest of the day? Don’t you want to go out or something? I know some places.”
“I think I’ll pass.” Castiel begins to settle in the room and lays down onto his bed. “I’d rather not get drunk the day before our first classes.”
“Come on man, you really think I’d get you drunk at what,” he squints at the analog clock on the wall, “ten in the morning?”
“Considering we basically just met, yeah. I do think so. No offense, but you don’t necessarily seem like the responsible type.” Castiel moves his eyes from the ceiling to the man across the small room.
“None taken.” Dean flashes a smile. His hair is starting to dry to its naturally light color. “You sound just like my brother. You’d think, miles away from home, I wouldn’t be sitting in a room with a copy of him.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.” Castiel says.
“It’s good. Sammy’s a good boy. 15 years old and smarter than Einstein if you ask me. You got anyone at home? A brother? Maybe a nice girl waiting for ya?”
“Not really. I’m an only child.”
“So you do have a girlfriend at home.” Dean smirks.
“No, Dean. I don’t have a girlfriend. What does it matter to you anyway?”
“Slow down there buddy.” Dean laughs. “No need to get defensive. I just wanted to spark conversation is all. And hey, you’re good-lookin’ for a guy at this school.” He finishes with a wholesome smile. Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Castiel doesn’t know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult anymore.
“Right.” Castiel insists.
“So, you wanna go out somewhere today? Or are you just going to sulk in bed about how bad of a roomie you got?”
Although Castiel prefers the second option, he goes with the initiative.
“Depends, where are you going.”
“Hey, anywhere but here would be awesome.”
“So…?”
“Well, whatcha thinking? I assume bars are off limits. No picking up girls. What do you do for fun?”
“I like music.”
“Music. What kind?” Dean suddenly seems more interested than before. He must be a big music guy, Castiel notes.
“Nothing too crazy. Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, the Beatles, all that stuff.”
“Cas, for a Christian boy you sure sound like a stoner.” Dean says. Castiel does not catch the use of his newfound nickname, it instead flies right over his head. “How about a record store? I’ll drive. Let’s get you some good music.”
The car keys jingle as Dean whips them off the bed. He stands up, puts on a brown leather jacket, and walks out the door, not holding it open for Castiel. After two flights of stairs, they are walking out the door and towards a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. The black coat gleams in the sunlight. Castiel has never seen a car so clean.
“Alright one rule,” Dean says as he opens the driver’s side door. “You hurt my baby and I hurt you.” With a crank of the keys, rock music blasts from the speakers. Castiel instinctively turns it down. It’s not long until Dean turns it back up and starts singing—or trying, at least.
“Tonight,” Dean sings with a rasp. He turns his head to Castiel like they’ve been friends for a while. Like he knows him personally enough to act so casual around him so quickly. It bothers Castiel, he doesn’t even really care for the man at all. “I wanna give it all to you / In the darkness / There's so much I wanna do.”
“Dean–” Castiel starts.
“And tonight / I wanna lay it at your feet,” Dean continues singing anyway, drumming on his steering wheel to the beat. “Cause, girl, I was made for you / And, girl, you were made for me.”
Kiss has never been a band that Castiel is fond of. Something about them just reeks of satanism and it terrifies him.
“C’mon Cas!” Dean shouts as he turns the volume up even more. He begins to sing the chorus and Castiel tries his best to block it out for the rest of the trip.
The record store they arrive at is thankfully only about 7 or 8 minutes from the school. It’s a little rundown hole in a plaza, so much that Castiel might not have even known it was there, were he to walk by it alone.
“Let’s go.” Dean smiles while eagerly opening the car door. Castiel follows along, less happily. Why would he ever sign up for this?
The bells on the door ring as they walk in. Dean makes a friendly hand gesture to the cashier. “What’s shakin’, Bobby.”
“Busting my ass off today, what about you Dean?” The older man responds.
“Same here, bud.” Dean smiles and keeps walking.
“You know him?” Castiel whispers to Dean as they get to the rock section of the store.
“Yeah, we go way back. I used to live here before moving to Lawrence.”
“Why’d you move?” Castiel asks.
“Reasons.” Dean ends the conversation. “Look, Zeppelin.” He picks up a record and hands it to Castiel. “You’re getting this one.”
“Dean, I’m not wasting my money on something I won’t even listen to. I saved up enough for gas and food this year, I’m not throwing it away on Led Zeppelin.”
“Alright, then I’m buying it and I’ll just have to make you listen to it.”
They walk around the whole store for what feels like hours. Castiel begins to wish he would have never come. It’s not like it’s that boring or anything, it just feels weird to be here with Dean, an utter stranger who acts like he isn’t one.
“You already done?” Bobby says as they reach the counter.
“Done.” Dean nods. “This is Cas, by the way. I’m rooming with him. Thought I’d show him around.”
“It’s Castiel.” He corrects passively aggressively.
“Nice to meet you, Castiel. I’m Bobby.” The older man holds out his hand to shake. “How’s life treatin’ you, Dean?”
“You know how it goes.” Dean says suspiciously short.
“The usual?”
“The usual.” Dean confirms. “Got class tomorrow.”
“You? School? Where the hell did my Dean go?” Bobby doesn’t laugh. He’s serious, Castiel realizes.
“Your Dean is at KEU.” He smirks and raises his eyebrows.
“Now how the hell did you end up at a Christian university?” Bobby says in a whispered shout.
“Hey, watch the language Bobby.” Dean grabs Castiel’s shoulder. “Roomie here is going into the Ministry.”
“That’s… great to hear Castiel. Whatever you do, don’t take lessons from this kid here.” Bobby responds, genuinely trying to be kind.
“Thank you? I guess?” Castiel responds.
Dean notices the new awkwardness and interrupts the conversation. “Don’t take it too hard, bud. Bobby’s just Bobby.”
“Like I said, Castiel.” Bobby turns to him. “You bring him to me if his stupidness gets outta control.”
“Well Bobby, we’re gonna get out.” Dean hands him the money for the records. “Keep the change, I owe you from last time.”
“Be safe out there, Dean.” Bobby starts placing the bills inside the cash register.
“I know, I know. See ya.” Dean says and opens the door. The sound of the register closing fades into the distance. “So what do you think?”
“He’s an interesting man.”
“Yeah, he sure is.” Dean gets into the car and puts it in reverse. He turns his body and places his hand on Castiel’s headrest to look out the back windshield as he pulls out.
“I have to ask.” Castiel begins.
“Shoot it.” Dean faces him, waiting for a response.
“You and Bobby seemed really close. What’s the thing about that?”
“Just known him since I was little is all. Always there for Sam and I.” Dean looks forward as he drives into the main road. “He knew my Dad first.” Dean turns up the radio to avoid any further conversation, Castiel presumes.
A little bit down the road, Castiel turns the radio down just slightly. “I don’t have a record player with me.”
“I’ve got one.” Dean pulls the car into the boy’s dorm hall parking lot. “You can use it whenever, just don’t break it. She’s family, too.” He sighs and hits the denim on his thighs gently with both hands. “Alright, get out and go do your antisocial hobbies, or whatever. I’m going out with some friends.” Castiel opens the door, getting ready to formulate a casual goodbye. Dean adds one more thing. “Oh, and Cas, I had fun today. You’re not as big of a loser as I expected.”
“You too. Thanks for the record.”
“‘Course.” Dean says. Castiel closes the door and heads up the stairs to their room. The rest of the day is spent aimlessly walking around campus, finding classes, and starting books that are going to be a hell to read.