Chapter Text
You cannot grieve him.
No matter the ache in your stomach and the tears in your eyes.
Nor the lump in your throat, preventing you from saying the words you wish to confess, or the patches of dark skin you want to heal.
You cannot grieve him.
On days where it feels horrible, on days where it feels like relief, the world does not wait.
The world is not patient.
Unlike him.
You cannot grieve him.
His body stays in the ground, your soul remains with him, yet your body is still herefighting, thrashing, hitting, and surviving.
Surviving, because it is the only thing you know how to do.
You cannot grieve him.
What's done is done.
Despite him being your wish each and every time.
Every dandelion seed, every blown candle, every shooting star, you cannot save him.
And yet, the universe answers. Somehow, the universe responds to your sorrowful call.Somehow, the universe understands your grief
It hums to your sobs, it lulls in your melancholy.
A savior unable to save. A hero who fails in cowardice.
That wish becomes something greater. It is no longer a wish, but a miracle.
The universe wraps you tightly, it is suffocating, almost.
Again, again, again.
...perhaps it may shine light unto his memory.
And bring peace to yours.
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Parrot opens his eyes to a world that is long forgotten. His lids are heavy, yet he pries them up anyways. He's gotten good at forcing. The book turns back the pages, all the way to the first chapter.
This is not the castle sleeping quarters. Parrot concludes.
More specifically, he wakes up in a field of grass. The crown on his head is no longer there, and he seems to have his old attire.
Just a second ago, he was dealing with a few duties in Capitol city. One moment he was stumbling around.. his head was spinning, and he was about to pass out. He remembers thinking if someone had the chance to drug a drink or something, and Theo calling out his name. Though it didn't hurt. It was kind. Parrot knew, it was merciful, maybe.
It takes him a while to realize, but it comes to him.. The bedrock, the houses, the land; this is what Spawn used to look like.
Somewhat intrigued, Parrot decides to explore. He still has to worry about getting back, but first he needs to be sure....
He walks through spawn like a complete ghost. He's out of place here. He doesn't belong here. The wind seems to breeze past his face, and the grass brushes against his feet. He sees his birdcage, one that had been lost to the years and the destruction of spawn. Back when the server still had a reasonable amount of players. Back when there was no mafia, no LAW, no rulers. That means, at this time, he isn't king.
This is just a dream, probably.
There's no way that he could be actually sent back to the past. Time travel doesn't exist as far he’s aware. And if he was, that'd be pretty bad. He has a duty as king to deal with. Theo would be panicking like crazy if he had.
He sees people run around, chase one another, argue over stolen food or morality. And frankly, all of it passes by Parrot's ears.
This is just a dream. He reminds himself. But it's all eerily familiar to him. He can remember brief, light-hearted memories in these places. The ugly bedrock tower. Spoke's horrible design, and Wemmbu's eyesore of a house, the unprotected dirt hut.
Parrot wonders how long the dream will last. He pinches his arm, and feels the small sting. A very real sting.
..weird.
Dreams can.... be very realistic.
"Parrot?"
He would know that voice anywhere.
Oh.
Oh.
Please no. Please don’t.
Parrot cannot face him.
Especially in a 'dream' as vivid as this one.
"Are... are you okay?" The.. the corpse— no, nononono, Wifies. That is Wifies.
No blood trickling down his face, no monotone expression on his face, no flow trim patterns on his armor, or cold smile, he says he'll kill all his friends, Theo, Theo, what about—
—it's just Wifies.
That's all he's facing.
He can’t hurt Parrot anymore.
He— He needs to calm down. Parrot is usually calm when meet with the images of his old friends. But they are never as real, as palpable as he is. Parrot takes a second to respond, Wifies is confused too. His head is tilted, about to turn around.
He looks at Parrot like a stranger. And somehow, that's worse than if he looked at Parrot.. like he did before.
Parrot acknowledges the surroundings first.....
...somehow, in irony, as if the world is cursing at him, he had managed to wander off nearby the towers. The two stone towers right in front of the second clue of the scavenger hunt. It's what started off their friendship. Parrot can't tell whether or not he should thank or curse Spoke for that.
If they're here, then no wonder Wifies is around. This is around the time Parrot invited Wifies on the server.
"Do I have the wrong Parrot... orr...?"
"No.. I... I don't think you do."
"Are you alright? Um, Parrot.. X2 right?" Wifies asked. But before Parrot could muster the effort to answer, "You look like you've seen a ghost." He joked.
Oh that's just cruel.
"I'm fine." Parrot said, informing both Wifies and himself. Wifies nodded, though he looked unconvinced. "So, you wanted me to come onto Unstable because you wanted me to solve a mystery with you?"
Realization slowly kicks in.
This is the start of everything. This is when he first interacted with Wifies in Unstable.
And if it’s still a dream, Parrot would label it as a nightmare.
Parrot's gaze drags up to Wifies'.
He sees no familiarity, skepticism, mistrust, maybe even worry. The purple headband, grey sweater, mismatched leg warmers, Yin-Yang motif.. even if it isn't.. his(?) Wifies, it is Wifies regardless. It's still the same person, just with different memories.
(They still share the same face, but knowing they're aren't... really the same makes it bearable)
"I...."
Parrot finds himself at a loss for words. "We can.. leave that for later." He decides on saying.
"Uh, okay?" Wifies agrees, and is about to leave. He opens his mouth for polite departure messages, then Parrot cuts him off, "Wait, bro... I need you for something else."
(Well, he is the smartest person on this server. Including Parrot.)
"Sure," Wifies said. "What is it?"
"Would you know how to get back to the future?" Wifies looks at him puzzled, Parrot shakes his head, he needs to rephrase that.
He clears his throat, "I mean, let's say that this is the past for me, and I'll need to go to the present. Do.. you know any way how?" Parrot blurted out. Hoping that Wifies wouldn't stare at him like a crazy person. But it's not like Parrot would blame him. Wifies considers his question. Pausing for a quick second, before asking for elaboration.
"Like time travel?"
"Yeah, exactly that."
"Time travel isn't... impossible." Wifies concluded. "Though no official proof of time travel, physicians throughout history have talked about the possibility... wouldn't be too out of reach. I'd explain some of the theories but I'm assuming you just want a solution for your problem?"
"Mhm." Maybe another time.
"Then... well, ugh," Wifies paused, debating internally. "I normally would never say this, but have you tried ending your life?"
"That's.."
"It could send you back to your original timeline, or... hm. Maybe that would only apply if you're in a time loop. Otherwise your second chance is just over." Wifies theorizes out loud. He turns to Parrot, "Are you sure you didn't die before?"
"I don't think so." Parrot says. "It was almost like I was falling asleep. More like drugged then poisoned. I think poison would've hurt."
"Well then you would have no reason to go back.. I'm not so sure."
"How did you end up back here? Like in more detail?" Wifies asked. "Well... in theory, of course." He added.
"I felt dizzy, like a person had spiked my drink, and when I passed out, I woke up here. It wasn't painful─ as I mentioned before─ so.. it's more supernatural? And out of my control? There was no magical item or portal or machine. Just... one second I was there, the next I was here." Parrot explained, Wifies listened with careful consideration.
To be honest, Parrot found it odd how quickly Wifies had just accepted it.
No further questions, no suspicions, maybe it had just been an interesting scenario to think about. He decided to entertain Parrot's seemingly insanity.
"How far into the future are you?"
"Seven years."
"Have you made any big mistakes recently?"
You, among other things. But mainly you. Parrot thought. "Not recently."
"Well, maybe that's it." Wifies suggested. "If it meant a lot to you, maybe it wasn't ever supposed to happen, and you're supposed to fix it."
Fix it.
Fix what?
Their entire friendship?
How can Parrot do that when he doesn't even know when it all went wrong?
Can he really save a person who forsaken himself?
"That'd be pretty hard. It was a series of collective decisions that weren't even all mine."
"I'm not exactly sure what to tell you, Parrot." Wifies admitted. "I only really believe you because of the pendant you're wearing." He pointed out. Parrot looked down at his neck, and he was right.
Sitting right there, proudly showing off history that hasn't happened yet off to the world, usually tucked beneath his cape, was Wifies’ pendant.
Oh wait!
It makes Parrot feel for where he usually has Theo's feather─ his ear.
Relief floods in. It's there.
"So I'm not totally crazy." He muttered, just loud enough for Wifies to hear.
"Well, I might as well ask, what was the big secret?" Wifies leaned against the stone wall of the tower.
"There is none. No secret." Parrot said flatly. "Spoke was being petty since I didn't allow him to destroy a bunch of buildings. Then you got chunk-banned because of that─ it was a whole thing."
Wifies hummed. Then questioned, "Do you think it's a good idea to intervene with what was originally gonna happen? It impacts the future a lot."
"Well.." He is somewhat right. If they didn't go after the secret, then Parrot wouldn't have met Jumper, Derap, Ken, and Rek. "Maybe the future could correct itself.." They still appear otherwise. He would've met Jumper and Derap during that time Clown tried to kill him. Ken was in a good few civilizations, so Parrot could probably meet them somewhere. Not to mention the mafia resistance, and that time Clown had kidnapped all of them into Proton.
"I could just keep it to myself, if you want."
"I... don't know if that'll be needed."
"I think dying might be my best option." He decided. "I have a lot of duties back in my present." Being king, Theo, providing food and shelter, fixing everything that may be wrong with his kingdom, get his reputation up...
He also doesn't know if he's on a time crunch or not. His reputation would be even worse, if he doesn't come back..
"You take care I guess… but in my opinion, dying doesn't suit you that well." Wifies stated.
"How would you know?"
"... I can't exactly place it. But I'm sure the me you knew must know the answer."
"Thank you, Wifies."
"Anytime, dude."
Oh okay.
Wifies' words pass him by. It's him, after all. Parrot isn't sure what he expected. It's still him. Untainted, uncorrupted and pristine. But it's him.
"─ I hope you get out of this."
...whatever.
Parrot blurts out a quick goodbye, and leaves.
.
.
Parrot held a potion of harming to his lips, he popped the lid off with his thumb. He hesitated, his hands shaking with the glass bottle. He stared down at the concoction he was about to intake.
If this can take him back...
It's to be expected, he's just about to end his life. That's not an event you do every day. (At least you shouldn't)
But it wasn't really for the same reasons.
He wasn't afraid of dying, he'd give his life away for a cause he deems important enough. But he was afraid of dying for no reason.
If this doesn't work, then does that mean he just wasted a second chance?
...
He doesn't want to wrestle with what that means.
Hopefully this works. He really needs to get back to Theo.
────────────────────────
Another book opens again, and he, the author, this author, has no recollection of writing this page.
Wifies fiddles with his hands nervously.
Really, you can only be so composed when you're being held captive by the deadliest player in your server.
A twinge of guilt fills his chest, he really hates the idea of being a liability for Parrot. Especially because of everything Parrot's done for him so far. Also maybe because he really doesn't want to die yet.
Parrot kept on insisting that Wifies shouldn't get involved, he thought he could handle it─ ugh...
He can handle it, he's sure that in the end, Parrot will probably make the right decision. He trusts Parrot. He's being traded for whoever this Branzy guy is.
But he doesn't trust Clown.
In Clown's eyes, Wifies is just bait. And one slash away from death.
Moments pass by, Parrot is ever so slightly angered, he pushes Branzy a bit too fast, is a little uncareful with Clown's favorite... toy? Player? ..whatever their relationship is. Even though it seems a bit dehumanizing, Branzy seems okay with that. So he probably has a few loose screws as well.
One second he's begging Parrot not to─
─the next blood(?) gushes out of his stomach. He stumbles forward, falling on his knees, he chokes on the metallic taste. Vision blurring, head spinning, he can't make out what Parrot must feel right now.
It's surprisingly human.
For someone so unlike.
Dying like this, he means. On the ground, bleeding out slowly, used because of relation to another person. Desperate, confused, scared.
Is he expendable?
...maybe he was right.
.
.
It all happens so quickly.
Parrot can gather that much.
Death is weird, has he mentioned that yet? Where do you go after you die? That question never gets answered despite everyone forgetting(?) Surely you don't go in whatever limbo he is in. That'd be such a cruel fate for everyone. It’s a contrast to life. Slow, long, liked. Death takes people quickly, you blink, and their heart stops beating.
One second they're on this earth, and suddenly, they're not.
Parrot yells Wifies name, dammit, he just─
He doesn't exactly know the rules for how timelines work. Is Wifies gone forever? And it’s all his fault? Or does the world reset with him, erasing people of their memories, actions, thoughts. If it were the latter, he'd feel so guilty. If it were the former, he'd still feel guilty.
It's not just logically, it's also emotionally.
This Wifies hasn't done anything yet. He is completely innocent.
Even if he wasn't, would Parrot be on his knees, Leo attempting to drag him away before Clown decides to swiftly execute him as well?
Parrot never leaves.
When Wifies takes his last exasperated gasp, one last plea for life, Parrot's head sounds like static.
He lays on the ground, someone─ Leo probably─ calling out his name.
Is death merciful?
It feels like sleeping. To him, he's not sure how other people feel.
Is this death?
Maybe it's something worse than death.
Apathy.
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It hurts— it hurts. It hurts so badly.
That's all Parrot can seem to think. He's understood with the consequences of signing up for Unstable, that there is going to be a bit of pain. Anarchy does not encourage going light on your opponents.
But it truly does hurt.
Last loop, he had been in the middle of a war, one of the mafia, if he had to guess.
Slightly disoriented from the shock of the loop before that, (he was shocked by the fact that Clown would just─ nevermind, off-topic) he hadn't been in tip-top fighting shape.
And he had ended up dying.
One of the soldiers struck him from the back, not the most honorable way, but again, anarchy takes pity on no one.
His wings, that's an entirely new low, he hadn't had his wings even touched (with the except of Theo) ever since─ that, there had been so much blood, and it hurt─ it hurt, the blade was quickly pulled out for efficiency, likely hitting all his vital areas, and the look of Wifies it was─
─overwhelming.
It doesn't hurt anymore.
There is no large wound in his back. No one has even touched his wings.
But he can still feel it, he can still see it.
It's like the moment of weakness is replaying in his head, over and over again.
"...Parrot?"
Wifies rubbed his eyelids, his figure covered by the lack of light usually present.
This was his old house...
Sometimes, after long grinds, Parrot would crash at Wifies' place. Mostly because the birdcage wasn't so effective for rainy days.
Parrot stayed at his place─ he was probably staying on his couch or something, did he wake Wifies up? What...
"Hey, are you okay, dude?" Wifies slowly walks towards him, and the closer he gets the more it reminds Parrot of─ of everything. The stab wound, Paragon, the Director.. He struggles to open his mouth for a few seconds, hesitation? Fear? He can't put a label on it.
Is he going to─?
Parrot visibly flinches.
Wifies immediately stops.
"Don't."
"..did... you have a bad dream? Is the couch too uncomfortable?" He guesses, slowly backing away from Parrot.
He would've made his way over. No matter how much Parrot would try to move away─ no─ wait─
"Hey," Wifies called out.
Parrot doesn't say anything more, he just reaches out to Wifies before he morphs into him. He wraps his arms around his back, gripping onto his sweater. His wings also hovering over him. He isn't a really big fan of physical touch. It's not like he hates it, casual stuff like a handshake, hang over a shoulder kind-of-thing is fine. But he doesn't really do long hugs like this.
"I've got you." Wifies mumbles, despite Parrot being the one holding on. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
No.
Parrot's always been pretty bad at vulnerability.
Words pass by between the two of them without their mouths even opening. Parrot would actually rather die than admit he's feeling down─ Wifies used to poke fun about that all the time.
Parrot replies by burying his head into Wifies' shoulder.
"... I'll take that as a no." Wifies reads. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Stay.
Stay like this.
Please don't become─
"I won't. I got you."
Huh?
"Did I say that out loud?"
"Nah, I'm just omnipotent." Wifies jokes, his laugh muffled by Parrot's wings.
"Shut up, bro."
"Is the couch okay for you?"
...Just this once.
.
.
Parrot finds it awkward at first, because really, he isn't used to sleeping next to people (in his distant, foggy, far past, no one was really trustworthy enough for that), but Wifies is comfortable, not too close, yet not falling off the bed.
"So, do you want to talk about now?"
The answer, yet again, is no, and Wifies knows that.
Parrot tells him this by turning over, facing the wall of his bed rather than his friend Wifies.
"I'm fine─"
"Don't even try." Wifies cuts him off. "Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen you so scared. And that scares me," Wifies admits. "You're my friend, Parrot, I want to look out for you. I... want you to trust me."
Please don't say that.
Please don't start sounding like him.
"I.. almost believed that you were scared of me."
Don't say that either.
Parrot crashes into Wifies' arms. Just this once. Never again. He listens to his heartbeat, he's here, he's here, he's here. He isn't dead. And this is... this isn't the Director. This is Wifies. This is the Wifies he can trust.
It thumps slowly, mechanically, even, much slower than his, at least.
Perhaps it's because Wifies seems so calm when they aren't fighting wars or running away.
"I've got you again," He mutters, returning the hug. "I'm not sure why you're so clingy tonight." Wifies eyes the wing, yet again, resting on his shoulder. Not that he minded.
Stay.
Stay like this or stay here.
Parrot doesn't care.
He sinks further, shutting his eyes from the world, and presses his head against Wifies' chest.
It thumps quietly.
Maybe his heartbeat─ an extension of him─ was trying not to exist, or to hide away. That would explain why it sounded so quiet. So meek. As if it were apologizing at the mere thought of being there. But it did, Wifies was in his arms, and he was not dead.
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And when Parrot opens his eyes to a written page for the... fifth? Sixth? Something like that, he knows it's not a second chance.
Because that would require it only being a second chance.
Thus far, he has been sent back to six different points of time. (also meaning that he had died around six times.. besides the second loop) And with the knowledge that he's in a time loop─ meaning everything will restart─ Parrot has been taking advantage of that fact. He has been doing everything in his power to return back. With zero degrees of success, but still, he still had tried.
He's tried telling people, he told Wifies, (the Wifies he had already knew, not the stranger) who came up with similar ideas on how to get out of it. Theoretical, of course. Wifies was a skeptic.
Parrot can't exactly blame him for not entirely believing him, time loops aren't a regular occurrence.
If he was facing a problem like this, he normally would've written everything he knows about it. But unfortunately, it does not matter one bit. As the paper would just get reset as well. So instead, he's off here, facing the void. Thinking in his head, because that's the only place where he remembers everything.
(he's at the point where he, Wifies, and Dean created the end civilization)
Parrot has learnt a few things about how this time travel thing works:
- It is a time loop, not a second chance.
- A loop ends whenever either he or Wifies dies. (He dies a little after Wifies by unknown cause. It's the same mercy kind-of sleep he felt)
- He is sent in any point of time when Wifies was on Unstable. (No before, no after)
- His body resets every loop, every injury, body modification, and physical pain. (He can't say the same for mentally) other than Theo's feather and Wifies' pendant.
The second theory Wifies from the first loop had said that he was supposed to fix something wrong with the timeline. Because of him dying after Wifies, he wonders, does this mean the time loops are connected with Wifies somehow?
He has to take every approach to get out of this. No one wants to be in a time loop, where really nothing is permanent. Basically none of your actions impact the future.
So then, would he be trying to 'fix' Wifies' death? Trying to save him?
....it's always Wifies, isn't it?
Maybe he would've preferred to be given a second chance.
.
.
"Hey, Parrot, what's up?"
(Parrot would've flinched, but at this point, he wouldn't really care if he fell into the void)
Wifies sat next to him, although holding his knees to his chest. Not edging as close to the void. "Does Dean have everything handled?" He ends up asking. "I think so, you should probably get back in there, you've been looking at the void for a while.." Wifies suggests. But Parrot just knows that means he wants him to get away from the void. "We don't want Dean crashing out on us..." He adds in, trying to sweeten the deal.
Parrot swings his feet back and forth, leaning forward, almost falling in.
"I really think you should go help Dean out."
Wifies says, a bit more firmly. Holding his arm, preventing him from falling.
"I'll head over."
"Good," Wifies sighs in relief. "please try to observe the view from reasonable points.. I'm sure Horace has at least one spot facing the void."
"...got it."
"The void hurts, you know?"
It only really hurts if you struggle.
If you try to get out of its firm grasp. If not, it's like you're sinking underwater. He supposes you still can't breathe, but it isn't as bad as people make it out to be. But Wifies insists. And Parrot is sure he wouldn't want to hear Parrot's argument. So Parrot obliges.
After a few moments, Parrot stares back into the void.
..maybe this is worse than death.