Work Text:
Flame clutched his chest. Taking in a shuddering breath. He could feel all the seams in his uniform irking his skin. The sound of shuffling has him straightening his back; not wanting to be caught lacking. Flame still had four hours left in his shift.
—
"I'm home," he says to no one in particular.
The apartment dark, only illuminated by the city and passing cars outside. Flame wished Mane was home. Maybe he should've taken a PTO, joined Mane on his roadtrip across america. Flame slammed his head on the wall then turned on the lights. He still had chores to do, he can't just spend all his time moping around. This was stupid. Flame took the broom, sweeping his floors. Cleaning everyday is a good habit to have he repeated in his head.
What Flame was feeling right now was supposed to just happend to others. Not him. He's supposed to be making fun of Lomedy or Jaden for being pathetic. For being in a situationship or something. Why did he have to get romantic feelings.
He puts back the broom, hearing the special notification sound Mane put for his own contact.
Shit frm the butt
How u hokding up?
Ive only been gone for a week n lomedys saying ur moping smh
What a snitch. Thank god he didn't tell Lomedy he had feelings for a certain someone.
Me
Bruh
Lomedy's a snitch
Shit frm the butt
A good snitch 💛
Why u moping
Dont tell me u miss me 🥺🥺
Me
...
Shit frm the butt
🥺
Me
Its nothing
Just tired ig
Shit frm the butt
Brah i alr told u to join me :/
This is what u get for nor lisfening to ur older brother
Me
Joining u on ur fuckass roadtrip wont fix anything dumbass
Its not like i can sleep if i had to share a room with you AND Willy.
Shit frm the butt
I dont snore tjat koud 💔
Me
Sure
Shit frm the butt
Nah bhr fr tho why r u tieed ?
Me
|
Flame is tempted. Mane loves Wemmbu, he's practically apart of the family already. If Flame told Mane; that he had feelings for Wemmbu which he knows a hundred percent won't ever be reciprocated, he wouldn't hesitate and cut him off. Which is stupid. And irrational. Mane was far away, he's going to stay physically far away for months. They don't text each other often enough, this being the first time since Mane left.
Me
Promise me on god you won't tell anyone
Shit frm the butt
?
Okay
Wait lemme go to 7/11
Flame washes the leftover dishes from the morning as he waits for Mane. Its been six months since he figured out he liked Wemmbu. Those feelings have not waned one bit. He bites his lip.
Shit frm the butt
okay im out
Me
Im not telling u all the details, and youre not allowed to ask for any
If you do im blockibg you
Shit frm the butt
Damn bro 💔💔
Okay 😭
Me
I have feelings for someone and its not reciprocated
Shit frm the butt
Is jt jaden
Me
The block button looks rlly good rn
Shit frm the butt
NO
NO
IM SRRY
continue
Me
Its been making me really upsef, and i dont really have anything like else to do to distract myself
No one knows
Not even Lomedy
I tried confessing, they didnt understand what i was saying but from what i picked up
It wasnt ever going to be recirpocated in the first place anyways
Idk
Shit frm the butt
:(
Bro whoever it is u like, tbat dont lkke u back, is blind as hell okay
Im gonna send u mknsy and i want u to treat urself, buy ice cream.
Me
Okay
Shit frm the butt
Bruh ur bot even arguing on me se ding u mkney 💔💔💔
Bro who2ver this pwrson is dont deserve u
If u want like speed date or sometbing tell big bro n he can set u up for something
Okay?
Me
Okay mane
Ill cook ribs when ur back
Shit frm the butt
Fr?
Fr????
Me
Yea
Dont piss me off tho or ull never see those ribs
Shit frm the butt
Check ur pqypal 💛
Love u
Me
Love you too
💛
He took a deep breath, lowering his hold on his locs, he cuts. Looking into the mirror. Flame was a brand new man with bangs. A little shorter than he intended but the microbangs looked cute so it hardly mattered.
Taking a shimmery silver pencil liner, he drew from his inner corner to the middle of his eyelid. Continuing it with his black pencil liner, he drew a sharp line. He went over a small bit of the black to make it look propedly blended with the shimmer. Flame curled his lashes before putting on mascara. It was simple but it made his big eyes look magnetic. Even if covered by his glasses. He gripped the sink, why did he cut fucking bangs before literally out with friends. Flame shook his head. Taking a couple steps back until his back touched the wall, he took one good look at himself. A thrifted minidress over jeans which he'll be throwing on his oversized jacket over when he heads out. Who the fuck was he?
Flame didn't have time for this. He took his messenger bag and jacket, stepped out of his apartment. No time to figure out why he was cutting his bangs and changing his style all the sudden.
Living in the city had its plusses and minuses compared to Flame's smaller hometown. It wasn't as easy to walk around everywhere but he liked public transport. The air wasn't as clean but he got to do so much more things now so who was Flame to complain. Music blasted in his headphones, the trees and buildings blending in together in the window. He squeezed his stress toy. Someone taps his shoulder, Flame jumps.
Lomedy had an apologetic look on his face, immediately sitting down next to Flame.
Not even a second after he takes his headphones off, Lomedy immediately asks, "why do you have bangs?"
"I'm not allowed to have bangs now??"
"Bro you said you would never have bangs. As a matter a fact, the fact that all your locs were at the same length was something you always rubbed over Mane. What's happening right now?"
Flame wrapped the wires of his headphones, putting it in his bag.
"Actually what the fuck are you wearing right now?" Realizing how rude that came off, "not that it looks bad! You look cool as hell Flame!! Just– it's not your usual style,"
Flame waits some more because he knows Lomedy has another thing to say.
"Actually I noticed your style has been changing." Lomedy finishes. Flame hands him candy. "Thanks!" Like a kid he swears. His baby, god fuck, it felt like Flame was going to get his period.
"I think," Flame refuses to tell Lomedy. Even if he'll be supportful, Flame will never hear the end of it, "I think I'm going through an identity crisis bro," which wasn't even a lie. It was true, he was experimenting with his clothes, his hair lately. He's been feeling at peace? With his body.
"You think??"
"I don't know!" Seeing Lomedy's confused expression, "do I look ugly bro? Don't like lie to me,"
"No, you look good!"
"Dawg, I don't believe you, you're just saying things dawg,"
"No! I'm being genuine!! You gotta believe me—"
—
Lomedy had the most sopping wet pathetic look known to man. He held Flame's hand like his life depended on it.
Flame wasn't even upset anymore.
He spots everyone loitering around. Making jokes already. Lomedy's hand was so sweaty. His best friend immediately starts waving at everyone. And by this point, regret has settled deep in his bones. Everyone and their mama's was staring at his forehead. Flame remained standing straight acting normal.
And it's fine. Flame likes hanging out with people just fine. This is what he needs: touching grass and interacting with friends. He's been too up in his head that Flame feels like he's going crazy. He hasn't hung out with the gang in ages. You graduate university and all the sudden the world gets a little too real. He was a proper adult, so was most of his friends. Flame wanted to puke at the realization. This was everything he ever wanted as a kid, the freedom of being an adult, a stable career, having actual friends, and being a man. He had very practical dreams. Though, he's starting to falter on the last part. He had so much on his plate and the cherry on top of the shit show he called his life was Wemmbu.
His gut dropped when he heard a familiar voice, "Yo guys," he somehow immediately pivots to Flame, "yo Flame! When did you get bangs!" Because he's an asshole, bringing attention on something Flame doesn't want to acknowledge.
"Recently bro,"
Everything flows like normal after. Flame wanted to tear his locs out.
He feels something wet.
Tugging on Lomedy's sleeve, he whispers, "do you have a pad on you?"
"Yea, I got some leftover from last time you—" he looks at Flame's face, "ohhh, okay, yea lets find a bathroom dude,"
Flame leaves without saying anything. Lomedy quickly says bathroom.
—
His vision blurs for some reason. There wasn't a bloody mess in his underwear just a stain that he can handwash away. He hasn't gotten his period in months. Something rattles in his chest. Flame sticks the pad on, Lomedy knocks on the door, "you good?"
Flame shakes his head. He cleans himself up, unlocking the door. Lomedy grimaces.
He doesn't want to think about it, he washes his face in the sink. A bit of water splatters onto his lenses on the counter. He's so upset. Flame doesn't know why. It's probably the period fucking him over paired with an identity crisis. He frowns, holding the sink for stability. His vision blurring even worse, his eyes felt hot with tears, he bit hard into his lip. He sucks in harsh air in.
Lomedy melts, "ohhh no, nonono, heyyyy you good?"
He shakes his head. Flame wants to laugh.
"Do you want to go back?? I can accompany you back to your apartment," Lomedy immediately stood close to Flame's side, rubbing his back.
Flame remained steadily blinking trying to force the tears to remain in instead of out.
The bathroom door opens. "What's wrong?"
Fuck Wemmbu. Flame wishes he was dead. He'd pay so much good money for him to be six feet under and rotting with maggots.
Heavy bootsteps walk closer. Flame wanted to die, Wemmbu's big hand was on his back, he leaned down to look at his face. Wemmbu looked at Lomedy, "What's wrong with him?"
"I don't know he's not answering," Flame was going to walk out and start an addiction, "can you take him back?"
His head snaps to Lomedy, betrayed.
Wemmbu, asshat, "yea, sure,"
"No."
"What do you mean no?? You look seconds away from crying," Wemmbu immediately replies. "You're either walking with me. Or I'm carrying you out,"
Flame glared at Wemmbu. He turned his heel and walked out immediately. Ignoring the both of them. He was fine. The world was even blurrier. Walking back to his group of friends would cause even more trouble. He doesn't need their concern. Flame was perfectly fine. So he's just walking. He didn't want to wipe his eyes even if it was blurry and he could feel tears clump his mascara'd lashes, that eyeliner was staying on. Flame tripped on a rock.
Fuck, he forgot his glasses.
He wasn't going back that's for sure. Ignoring the heavy footsteps behind him. Flame continued his mad man pace. Which didn't really bring him anywhere, Wemmbu was unfairly tall. He had long strides which caught him up to speed with Flame. His arm is pulled and Wemmbu. Flame couldn't even properly see his annoyed expression.
"Where are you going??"
"Anywhere, far away from you," he snarks.
"Oohhh, Flame running awayyy?" Wemmbu taunts.
He kicks his knee, "ow fuck! Don't do that!"
"You piss me off so bad bro,"
Wemmbu opens his mouth, immediately shuts it. Rubbed the back of his neck. Looked at Flame with the most sorry expression ever.
"What were you gonna say?"
Wemmbu shook his head, just grabbing Flame, "Let's just go to my truck,"
—
Flame looked out the window. He didn't even have his bag with him.
Why did his heart have to pick Wemmbu of all people.
Wemmbu stopped the car in front of a mart. "Wait right here,"
The inside of Wemmbu's truck smelled like an amalgamation of things. The two strongest scents being Wemmbu himself then cigarettes. He let the strap of the dress slide down his shoulder. Brushing his locs back. Biting his lips until they were redder in shade. Flame sniffled. Nails digging into his fist, he felt ugly. He wishes he was working right now, when Flame makes it back home, his email better have positive news on employment. He liked working for Zam. The café was consistent, he got paid well, but maybe he was getting bored. Threw a net out, see what Flame can catch. He just needs to do something. Anything. He needed to kiss someone.
Flame blinked in surprise.
A brown bag filled with items was thrown on his lap, he spots his usual pad brand. "That's right, right?"
Flame nods.
Maybe if he was a girl, Wemmbu would like him back.
Wemmbu
You good?
Me
Its been days bro im fine
Wemmbu
Not everyday THE immortal demon cries lmao
Me
Count your days
Wemmbu
Ooooo im soooooo scared
Flame shuts his phone. He had work.
—
His locs in a low ponytail, work shoes on, and eyeliner that made him look like a bitch instead of bright and cheery. It's all just muscle memory, Flame could do all this blindfolded without making a mistake. It was nearing summer, his favorite season, and yet; Flame was being choked by this indescribable grief that won't leave him alone. Whoever said falling in love was beautiful has never truly fell in love. Flame was baring his heart to the universe, to god, and he was being mocked for it. Has he not displayed pure sincerety since the start? Doesn't he deserve the levity of reciprocation?
Flame looks at the pack of cigarettes in his hand. Perfume tucked into his apron pocket. He doesn't smoke. Would never consider smoking, he likes his body staying in tiptop form. He takes one out, inhaling enough it lights the cigarette. The lighter fluid was near empty, Flame was going to need to buy another one soon. He holds onto the burning stick. Letting the smell infect every crevice. He held it like a rosary. Humming a hymn he hasn't heard in years.
Flame needed to jerk off he thinks.
—
Contrary to popular belief; Flame had zero interest in top surgery. His genetic traits were never that top heavy, paired with working out meant that most of his chest was just muscle. Most people assumed the leftover fat was pec anyways.
He stared into the mirror. Onto his chest. Then stomach. Then hip. The downy hairs of his trimmed bush.
In the eyes of everyone, Flame was without a doubt a man.
It's just that, did Flame want that anymore? Did he want to be a man? All his legal papers have been changed, most people who knows him are unaware, maybe even shocked that he's trans. Flame traced old scars on his thighs. Was he pretty? Was he handsome? Was Flame good enough to fuck?
He didn't have the same type of charm Mane has or a sort of sweet cuteness that lets you get away with things like Lomedy.
If he was more femme would Wemmbu desire him?
Was Flame questioning his identity because of Flame or because of his need for validation and want?
He turned around, looking at his back. Moving on was unessecarily difficult for no reason. Wemmbu wasn't even all that anyways. He spins around again, opening his closet to a secret compartment no one will ever know the existance of. Piles of his old 'girly' clothes and newer lingerie. He feels the soft fabric. It sucked that Flame knew that he was an important person in Wemmbu's life. That he was one of his closest friends. That he's seen sides of Wemmbu he has hesitated showing anyone else. He pressed the lingerie to skin, imagining his shape in them. Would the person who finally wants Flame be patient? Peel it off his body with gentlenes or would they ruin it. He imagines big calloused hands ripping fabric apart. A cackling laugh. A mean voice.
Flame throws the lingerie on the bed, walking off to the couch. He sits down still naked. If someone were to break in right now, see Flame naked on the couch— He cuts the line of thought. His core heats. He stared into nothing.
Wemmbu was flirting with someone. A pretty girl with fading out hair dye, piercings, pale skin. He hugged his own body. Flame tried his best to ignore it.
Dating apps were horrible. Still, Flame indulged in Lomedy's persistance.
He swiped through horrible match after horrible match. Any man with long hair and piercings making his heart pang. Flame doesn't think he has a type. Looking back on his past flings, talking stages, it doesn't feel like there's a common thread. His heart was just set on Wemmbu, anytime he tries to consider something new or someone new, he's haunted by the visage of Wemmbu. Flame closed the app with a sigh.
—
Flame dug his thumb into Zam's back. Feeling her relax beneath his hands. The smell of her perfume tickling his nose.
She was humming a silly song, scrolling through tiktok, "help me pick out an outfit?"
"Uh sure bro," he slowly took out the rollers in Zam's hair, "doing like something special bro?"
Zam excitedly nods, curls bouncing with the motion, "Pangi's taking me out to Elysium, you know the restaurant downtown?"
He combed over the curls, giving Zam the desired blow out look. "What vibe do you want your clothes to be like?"
"Pretty," she answers. Flame stands up from the bed, opening Zam's big closet, he browses through her skirts. "Are you okay Flamey?"
He clenches his jaw. Continuing on browsing through clothing options, he takes out two dresses. Going over to where Zam kept her accessories, he glanced back and forth from the dresses to the jewelry. "What do you mean?"
"You, uhmm, you feel like a wilted flower? Down, hmm, yup,"
Flame places the outfit on the bed, "how did you know," he fiddled with the accessories, Zam looked at him patiently, "How did you know you liked and like- you know," he gestured to the clothes then Zam.
Her eyes softened, "A lot of experimenting, that's for sure," she chuckles. Zam looked at the two dresses, comparing them on her body then looked into the mirror. "What brought this on?"
"I just, have been feeling things I guess bro," he sat back down, playing with his locs, "I feel like a fraud,"
Zam shook her head, "don't say thatt, gender is stupid. And confusing. For no reason!!" Flame agreed to that.
Looking at his knees, locs covering his face, "am I pretty?"
"Ofcourse you are. Is someone saying you're ugly???" She puts on the dress. "Help me zipper up?" Flame pulled Zam into him, zipping the black dress up.
"No, Well." It's not like Wemmbu is calling him ugly, he just feels like he lacks so much. "Some rude customers making me feel like shit, and Lomedy made me a dating account and... yea,"
Zam turned around grabbing his face, "Fuck them. If you wanna throw coffee at stupid customers I'd a hundred percent support you okay Flamey." She looked into her closet, a pondering look on her features, "hmmm, actually..."
—
Flame comes back home with a whole bag of clothes that should fit him from Zam's closet, clothes she no longer used or vibed with. He sat down on his couch, and screamed. His chest ached so bad. Flame ignored it, throwing out all the clothes on the empty coffee table. Opening his phone he began typing out.
Me
If i detransitioned would you still love me|
He looked at the text. Turning off his phone, Flame browsed through the clothes. So much lace, sequins, they were all in his palette. Flame lays down on the floor, forcing himself to sleep.
Caleb
Hai
I saw in ur bio u like minecraft
You
lmao yea I play pvp mostly
Wbu
Caleb
I recently got into minecraft 😭😭
Im shit at the game but i love speedrunning video games
Wanna teach me some pvp ;)
You
You use that trick on everyone you match with on this app?
Caleb
Only cute ones like you
But i am fr tho i lowk need the training
But i am open to having slme more fun w u
You
|
How does he reply to that? Flame wasn't even interested in Caleb. He was just six-foot-four.
The ringing bell got increasingly more annoying. He purposefully turned around slowly. Wemmbu was leaning on the counter annoying every employee and customer. Flame crossed his arms, raised a brow.
"How are you still employed with your attitude bro," he teases.
"My incredible work ethic." He walked closer to the counter.
Wemmbu snorts, "I want my usual," Flame taps it into the tablet, "I'll eat it here," he prints out the order for the kitchen. Handing it off to Lopezz. "Nice skirt by the way,"
His ears and the back of his neck heat up, "if you're making fun of me remember who gave you that nose Wemmbu,"
He raised his hands up in the air, "I wasn't,"
"Uhuh, go sit your ass down before I do it for you bro," Wemmbu fucked off to a chair. Flame pulled the skirt down, feeling exposed.
—
Flame twirled in front of his mirror, Lomedy's tiktoks filling the space between them. "Do you think you can try she/her on me bro?"
Lomedy chokes on his crackers. Hacking up and making a mess on his bed. Flame immediately passed his water bottle. He aggressively pat his back until Lomedy calmed down.
"'Scuse me?"
"Your excused,"
Lomedy really stared into Flame's eyes, "uhh, uhhhh, yea. My bestfriend, Flame, uh— she works for my other friend, Zam. She's really cool, I, I like hanging out with her?"
He feels nothing. A younger Flame would've detested this, would've hated. A younger Flame couldn't even fathom getting to anywhere close to dressing nice or actually having friends. He's grown a lot. He's also stunting.
"Can you try they?"
"They're really good at cooking but they don't like cooking at all,"
Flame still feels nothing, "thanks bro,"
"Mhmm, still on the identity thing?"
His eye twitched, "you think it's easy questioning your gender," he snarks.
Lomedy flounders, "I didn't mean it like that!!"
Flame sighs, flopping on top of his best friend. He rubbed his face on Lomedy's, he's held back. Would Wemmbu even like Flame if he was a girl? "Give me your phone," he takes Lomedy's phone without his reply. He opened Wemmbu's tiktok account and scrolled through his followings. Mostly their mutual friends with occasional minecraft accounts or JJK analysis accounts. There were a couple girls, alt fashion copy paste baddies. He then scrolled through his reposts. It said nothing but how much of an Idiot Wemmbu was. He exits out and turns off Lomedy's phone.
Lomedy tried checking to see what Flame was looking at, a conspiratorial face on him, "did you stalk someone?"
"You think I'd stalk someone," he scoffs.
"Oh my god." Lomedy took his shoulders, "you met someone didn't you—"
"No– what—"
"You totally did! See! I told you that dating apps aren't that bad!"
Wait. Flame had a genius idea.
"I didn't meet anyone." He forcefully insisted.
Lomedy brightens up all giggly, "who!! Tell me. Flame please, c'mon tell your best frienddd—"
In his dark room, the ac gently making noise. The cups of the lacey bra he has on lewdly gaping open from his lack of chest, the bands of the thong dug into his hip, Flame arched his back. Stretching out his arms, letting his chest touch his bed. He opened his phone; zooming in to get a broken quality. Snapping pictures before he got too scared. Flame sat back up, putting his phone up and taking photos of him on his knees from a top-down angle. Arousal churned in his gut.
Browsing through the multitudes of selfies; deleting the ones he looked awkward in. He edited a bit of the colours. Flame switched over to instagram, choosing one where the arch of his back was clearly seen. He scrolled over his music options before getting annoyed and putting on something from Kali Uchis. Laying down on his stomach, he moved his hips to hump his bed while waiting for his story to get views. His dick ached in the thong, seeking friction from anything. Flame pressed on his story then clicked the option to hide it from Mane. Nearly forgot. He rakes in a couple likes and an immediate reply from Lomedy demanding who he's talking to. He constantly refreshes until he gets what he wants. Wemmbu's profile with a little heart in his viewer list. Flame screenshots.
He laid on his back, giddy. That must mean something right?
Flame gingerly rubbed himself though the thong, hips rocking against his palm. The fabric already begining to dampen up with his need. His hips moved up to better rub and hump his palm, Flame pulled the thong to the side. He shivered as his warm hand touched his clit. Rubbing gentle circles onto his sensitive clit, more wetness leaked out, Flame used it to make the slide even easier. He rubbed down over his slit, feeling himself throb with need. Gently massaging his pussy. He went back to his clit, squeezing just a little.
Passing over his hole he gasps. Pressing his finger in, not enough to breach, but enough his hips hump forward for more. His fingers weren't big enough. He continued to play with the outside of his pussy. Would Wemmbu be patient? Flame knows he likes to fuck roughly, but how rough? Would he be mean? More wetness leaked out at the thought of Wemmbu talking Flame through it, patiently waiting until he could take the next thing. A finger slipped inside. He took a deep breath, slowly moving in and out.
Another finger joined the other one, he starts pumping in and out, Flame's other hand going down to rub his clit. He can see Wemmbu not allowing Flame to touch his dick, only cumming from penetration. He could feel his slick pool down aganst the bedsheets, slowly gathering below him. It was a problem for later him for now, it felt so good to have his fingers inside his pussy. He moved faster trying to chase relief.
His legs stuttered and he quickly pulled his fingers out his drooling hole, whining at the loss of his fingers. Flame reached to his side, taking the purple dildo, pressing it against his hole. It was bigger than his usual toys but nothing compared to what Wemmbu looked liks he was packing.
He pushed the dildo inside him, feeling himself clamp around the thickness of it. Flame whimpered. His hand fumbled around the dildo, trying to push in until the base. He should've boiled his dildo first, it was so innanimate. Wemmbu would feel hot inside him, it'd feel like getting a brand marked permanently—
—
Flame exhaled, he wishes Mane was home. That way he didn't have to pay to get his locs retwisted. Flame could always do it himself but he just didn't have it in him to do it lately. He ran through his locs, sectioning it off to three parts. Slowly braiding. It would've been easier to like Jaden instead. At the very least he was brown. His phone rang.
"What?"
"Can I bake at your place? Also Jaden's with me,"
"Hi,"
"Why do you guys want to bake at my place??"
"Uh, you're the only one with an oven Flame," Jaden reminds.
He groans, "fine. When are you guys coming over?"
They both nervously laugh, "That's funny... We're already in front of your door..."
Flame ends the call. Taking his time to braid his hair.
He opens the door to Lomedy and Jaden sitting in front of his room pathetically, "It's one A.M—"
"Who was that story for." Lomedy instantly demands with his instagram story open.
Jaden guffaws looking at Lomedy's phone then back at Flame. Then at the phone. Mouth open, "woah! Flame??"
Shit frm the butt
[Image.attached]
I got us matching ksychains
U get the zgly one btw
Me
Bruh
Shit frm the butt
Dude will snores so loud </3 cant get no beauty sleep at All
Me
Thats on you bro for roadtripping with him
Shit frm the butt
:'(
I had fhe besz seafood boil ever fhe othwr day
Me
No one cares
Shit frm the butt
Ur so mean to ur nice handsome hot rlly cool older brogher n its breaking my heart
Flame smiles.
He turns back to Jaden's sad attempt of looking at the back of his head, which wasn't working out. Flame let him struggle until he looked to him for help. "It's even,"
"I know! I just wanna double check,"
Flame took multiple pictures of Jaden's bleach covered back of his head. Showing it to the untrustful idiot. "Why couldn't you just do it yourself. Like you always do bro,"
"I'm literallyy paying you to do this for me," then his voice goes quiet, "and plus, we haven't hung out in a while,"
He punches Jaden's shoulder, snickering.
Flame looked at the semi-permanent dye. Begining to mix the various shades of blues and whites until it's the colour Jaden wanted, "you and Wemmbu use the same brand of dye,"
"Really?" He stood a little closer to Flame, the smell of bleach stinging his eyes. He pushed Jaden away, "how do you know?"
"Who do you think also does his hair..."
Jaden laughs, "dude I thought he just got better at dyeing his own hair."
"It was so patchy," Flame agreed, "he came over one day and annoyed me until I did his hair, so now everytime it fades or his roots show, he pulls up, annoys me, then I do his hair," he complains.
"Sounds like Wemmbu," Flame checked his roots again, "has it been thirty mins?"
"Go wash off," Jaden goes to his shower. Probably going to bleach the towel he's lending. Flame swallows a sigh.
He opens the dating app.
Jasun
do you want to go on a date?
I Mean weve been chatting here for a week
You
I dont think I'm what youre looking for dude
Jasun
if its about the trans thing, i still want you
mia
My @ miaxpartying
Omg im soooo glad i found moots
You
Using a dating app to find friends is lowkey genius bro
mia
Its what i did during uni 😭 hasnt failed me ywt !! Ignore the couple qeirdos i did meet but lole ive formed live long friends lole thisshsksjsk
I just moved
You
oh fr?
This strat wouldve done me wonders years ago
mia
Yupp i moved like a month ago, i just finished like properly setring up
Im gonna start working tommotow 😔
You
Gl gl
I dread coming into work tommorow bro </3
mia
where do u work? If u dont mind me asking
You
I work at Zam's empire
Hbu??
mia
Dude
Funny coincidence
i work LITERALLY right in front of thereat the floqer shop
Wbat in rhe fanfic trope
You
LMAO wana meet up for lunch?
I can get u free food
mia
PLEASE
He hears Jaden finish up. Too fast. Not his hair not his problem.
The dating app had not made his heart move on faster. If not, its only made it even more stubborn. Flame's met pieces of shit, nothing burgers, chungies, and a handful of decent people. Wemmbu was an asshole of questionable moral standing but at the very least he was loyal and always present. They met online through Hypixel, never thought of ever meeting up until they clicked in university. All the puzzles feel perfectly with each other after.
Jaden had a shift. So right after Flame dyed and dried his hair he was going to leave. His heart started racing.
Flame was impulsive.
Atleast that's what everyone tells him.
Me
I love you
Wemmbu replies immediately. Even though he should be focused at work.
Wemmy
Yo
You good ?
I mean i live u too
Bur ????
Flame ?
He closes his phone. Wemmbu worrying over him hitting like drugs in his system. With so much adrenaline in his veins when Jaden exited out and walked towards the living room, Flame hugged him. Wet hair tickling his face, droplets of water wetting it. He hugged Jaden, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Jaden kissed his forehead, hugging back, "not that I don't mind bro, but uh, what's up?"
"Just needed a hug,"
"Cool," he squeezes Flame. Giggling fondly.
Loms
I dont know what to wear for graduation,.,.
Can u accompany for thriftibg 🥺
Pls mama
Flame's eye twitched, Lomedy was a little shit regardless of how many people vouched for his innocence. Flame was just trying to be a caring friend when he was so severely sick with fever.
Me
Send a vision board.
Im not going to waste hours in the thriftstore because YOU dont know what you want bro
Loms
Okay
Love u
💛💛
Me
Im proud of you
Loms
:(
Im not ready to graduatae uni
Me
I wasn't too bro
Loms
But ur u and im me
Im so scared
Me
Bro youll be fine, i genuinely believe that
Loms
《Image set to view once》
Me
Oh lomedy :(
Youll be fine. You worked hard to get to where you are now, itll pay off. I promise.
Loms
Im genzinely terrified
I already started sending more job applications
I feel like puking
Me
Its best that you actually puke, the nausea will go down after
If youre not busy saturday, come over
You can sleep on my bed
Loms
I canti still have stupid uni shit to deal with
But can i come over once im finished with that?
Me
Of course bro
Loms
Im so scared i dont know what else to say
Mama youre thebonly person left in my life pleade fell me youre foing go watch me graduate
Me
Youre gonna see me in the crowd along with all the other idiots
Were going to be the loudest ones there
Wemmbu has a megaphone, you WILL be seeing and hearing us bro
Loms
Iblove you
Im sorry if i ever made any mistakes or pissed you off flame
Me
😭
U dont have to say that, i feel like i should be the one apologizing more
Loms
Idc idc
I love you man
Me
I love you too bro
Flame turns on DND on his phone, he was going to make bad decisions today. It wasn't like Lomedy was going to come over the next day for him to act normal to.
He opened his secret compartment.
Carding through new clothes from Zam, from himself, to the pits of the compartment. His old clothes. He pulls a couple of them out.
Standing in front of his mirror once more, naked as the day he was born.
He looks at the small pile then chooses a little sundress he has fond memories in. As fond as they can be from days before he transitioned. Then again, looking at where he was now. Flame puts the dress on. It was a deceivingly innocent dress, anyone of all ages can use a sundress. Flame shouldn't have worn something so revealing when he was younger. It still fit, just tighter and shorter than it did years ago. It stopped mid thigh and clung to his curves, his nipples could be seen underneath certain light or angles, poking through the thin fabric. Flame lifted the short dress up, something lacey, something nice. He puts a choker on, his favorite rings and bracelets. Tucking in cash into the pocket. Flame takes his boots.
—
The breeze scared him, making his dress flow nearly revealing everything. This is what he wanted in the first place. Flame continued walking in as much confidence as possible.
Cars honk at him, he ignores all sorts of catcalling, he doesn't know where the desire came from. Flame always knew something was different about him ever since he was little. He's sick of the desire, the love, the need that resides in him. Flame— for once— wants someone else to take control of it. To just take it from him. Free him from himself, Flame needed to always be on top of everything in his life let this be the one place where he has no control.
Flame doesn't know where he's going. Only that his chest ached and his pussy throbbed over the idea of being raped in the middle of the street.
Maybe getting pregnant from being raped will fix his gender problems. Flame shook his head. What the fuck is wrong with him.
He sees a couple kids at the side of the street, a table filled with beaded flowers. Their jar empty. Flame walked up to them, all of them immediately eagerly lit up. Flame looked through the choices. He picks a couple of the red ones. "How much for these guys?"
The kids whisper to each other, "It'll be thirty five! Would you like it to be wrapped like a bouquet?"
"Sure," he hands them the flowers. Reaching over to his pocket and getting the two twenty dollar bills. He puts it into the jar, "keep the change,"
The kids are giggling. Excitedly giving him the beaded flowers now wrapped in origami and a ribbon mimicking a bouquet, "here you go mx!! Thank you for shopping!!"
He smiles at them, waving as he leaves. The beads shined under the sun. Flame doesn't know how long he's been walking, he had nothing to tell the time. The sun was no longer at the center of the sky. His feet were started to ache but he ignored it. Flame wasn't done— he doesn't know what he's doing. He reapplied lip gloss as he walked. Flame looks around, maybe he should sit down, take a small break. He slowed down his pace until he saw the sign, Elysium.
Flame walked up to the menu, nothing egregious in pricing, "hi, welcome to Elysium, how may I help you?"
"Oh, hi, I'd like a table," Flame looked to his left to the outside seating area, there were a couple two chair tables. He points there, "is that under reservation?"
"It isn't! If you'd like to sit there, I'll bring the menu to you sir— ma'am, uh. I'm so sorry,"
"It's chill bro, thank you," he walked to the table. Taking a deep breath, he placed the flowers on it. The menu is placed in front of him he nods in thanks. "Can I have the la louisiane?"
The waiter jots it down, "anything else?"
"Just that, thanks," he hands over the menu.
Face on his palm, Flame watched cars coming and going, people walking in and out of stores. He adjusted his glasses. The drink arrives with a clink to the table. He thanks the waiter, immediately taking a sip. Maybe drinking alcohol on an empty stomach was a bad idea. Flame's appetite had dropped the second Mane left. He savoured the spicy sweet taste before bitterness flooded throat and tongue. Flame hated how bitter alcohol was. Call him a baby but he liked things sweet.
This better kick in. If not then Flame could always order another cocktail. He sighed miserably.
The dress rid up so much his bare ass was on the seat. His clit was rubbing against the lace like crazy. Eyelash fluttering, he ignored the urge to grind into the chair. Flame's finger circled the rim of his cup.
Flame wasn't a girl, he'll never be a girl, he knows that much but at the same time, the thought of being someone's pretty girl had him dizzy. There was a weird sort of satisfaction in Lomedy calling him mama. Flame was a man. Without a doubt. He was a man the same way Mane was a man; without question. He doesn't know what he is anymore. He hasn't for a long time he thinks. His house of cards falling right on top of him. He took another sip. Flame could feel stares and whispers directed towards him. He ignored it.
Flame wanted to be a boyfriend and a wife at the same time. He was so confused.
Maybe he should download grindr and get fucked, and let that be the end of it.
He's so sleep deprived. Flame watched a mother wrangle her kids across the street. If he went to the bathroom, would he be soaked? Flame doesn't know why he's so horny. He feels miserable and lonely. He could barely breath some days.
The waiter walks up to Flame with a cart, "excuse me, would you like a complimentary desert? On the house!"
Flame looked at the cart, then back up to the waiter. Ah. He looks like he's been stood up. Flame has been sitting for a while. He gives the waiter an apreciative smile, not one to look at avgift horse's mouth. But to be safe, "are you sure? I don't think I did anything to get this bro,"
"Please, we insist. On the house!" They had such an apologetic look on fheir face.
Flame points to the cheesecake with what he's assuming berry jam, syrup on top. "I'll take that one,"
"Excellent choice, please enjoy!" Then they leave.
Flame took a longer, bigger sip. Then cleaned it with a bite of the cake to wash down the offending bitterness. His stomach churned angrily. Protesting emptiness filled with alcohol and a bite of cheesecake. Flame ignored it. Taking another sip and bite. He repeats a couple times until a quarter of the slice is finished. Flame pushed it away, no longer able to stomach it. Flame looked to the side again. Seeing couple holding hands, teenagers skipping school. He ached so badly. Flame never got the conventional highschool experience nor has he ever dated someone for real.
The chair in front of him scratched offensively against the floor, making everyone wince. Flame turned to glare—
Wemmbu sat in front of him.
"What are you doing here?" Wemmbu asks. He squints at the bigger man. He looked at Flame up and down, to his drink and cake, "are you going to finish that?"
Flame pushed it towards Wemmbu, taking another sip of his drink. "Were you here for a date?"
Wemmbu wasn't supposed to be here.
"Did you get stood up?" Flame didn't answer. Wemmbu somehow takes it as confirmation, "you did get stood up." He hailed for the waiter. "Yo, I'd like the menu, my poor friend here got stood up—" Flame kicked his shin— "shit- oww! I want something nice for him,"
The waiter nods, writing something down, Wemmbu rattled off what he wanted then some more, he handed off the menu.
"Can't believe Lomedy was right," he mumbles. That little snitch (his plan was working out). "So who is it? Is it Jaden?"
Flame sputters, crossing his arms, "why is everyone's assumption Jaden."
"So it is Jaden." He finishes the cake, "I'll beat his ass,"
"No?? It isn't Jaden Wemmbu," he finishes the la louisiane, "why would I tell you bro,"
Wemmbu makes an offended noise, "We're best friends," and that's the worst part.
He leaned forward, "why can't you just tell me bro?"
More drinks gets placed on the table. Wemmbu pushes his new one to him, it isn't alcoholic. "I just can't,"
"Is he the reason why you're—" he gestured up and down to Flame.
He crosses his arms, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Wemmbu looks at him, he ignores how warm his ears and stomach feels. "You know,"
"No I don't," he does. He can't let Wemmbu know it's because of him.
He looked uncomfortable, they sit in silence for a bit until food gets placed down. A plate of soup gets put in front of him. "Eat."
Flame tries.
"I notice, that, that you've been more feminine," Wemmbu takes a bite, chewing. Flame doesn't think he can stomach the soup anymore. "And, I'd always support you, you know that bro. But like, like I've noticed that this doesn't feel like from the heart, you know?"
Flame's quiet. Fuck. He felt like crying.
He pushed the soup towards Wemmbu, "I can't finish that,"
Wemmbu doesn't even make a joke about that.
"Just give me a name Flame. And this'll all be over soon, whoever this is. Making you feel this way, gone," Wemmbu promises.
He shakes his head, "I don't want that,"
"This isn't the Flame I know,"
Flame looks away. Somehow guilty.
Wemmbu finishes his food, hailing the waiter again, "uh, hi, can you like pack this up to go please?" He looks back to Flame, "I'm going to pay then I'm driving you back to your place." Wemmbu stood up, following the waiter to the counter, Flame waits until he's out of view.
He leaves, walking at a leisurely pace as to not rise suspicion. His bouquet in hand. There was a mall that was walking distance to, Flame headed on over there. Old men whistled at him. The cool ac cause goosebumps to break out on his skin. Flame felt like he was fourteen years old all over again. Walking around aimlessly in a mall with a too short dress, knee high socks and boots. Some things don't change at all. He just had a bigger body with all the piercings younger him always wanted. If Flame met Wemmbu in real life before he properly transitioned, would he have higher chances?
Flame shook the thought away.
He passed by multiple underwear stores, the thought of buying lace tempts him. Flame probably didn't bring enough anyways. He'll make it up to Wemmbu, pay him back with a homecooked meal.
His nails dug into his fingertips, letting the pain refresh himself. Someone grabs his arm, just as he's about to retaliate it's Wemmbu. "Why'd you leave bro?" Looking at Flame's expression, "you know what let's go,"
—
Wemmbu walked in front of him as if he was going back to his own place instead of Flame's apartment. He held onto the door handle, pushing it down, "Where's your keys—" the door opened. "huh?" Wemmbu looked at the door then at Flame.
Flame rushed inside, beelining to his room and closet to take out spare clothes for Wemmbu. He gave him the spare clothes, it smelled like Flame. Wemmbu was going to smell like him. Looking up, Wemmbu had a searching look in his eyes. He ignores that, taking the soup from his hand to put in the fridge. "Do you want to shower first?"
"nah, you go first, I'm gonna smoke for a bit," Flame nods.
His pussy buzzed with the need for attention, the thong coming away sticky the second he barricaded himself in the bathroom. Flame needed to get a grip.
—
Flame watched intently at the rise and fall of Wemmbu's chest. Long purple strands going everywhere. The way the shirt was slightly too small for him, riding up enough Flame can see his happy trail. The sweats followed the shape of his lower half religiously, illuminated only by the glow of the tv. Wemmbu was dead asleep. He went to his room, opening the compartment, taking out a little backless dress. He does his make up, gets all dolled up, wearing the tiny dress Zam gifted him. Flame takes the platform heels he has hiding in his closet too.
He goes back out, watching Wemmbu's sleeping form for a few seconds more. He quietly unlocks the door, leaving for the bar close by his apartment. Does this count as self harm?
Can't be.
The streets were rife with beats and flashing colours, gorgeous-gorgeous girls, weirdo men who can't stop catcalling and Flame who was seconds away from crying again. The bar was homey, orange lighting filling the space with someone playing on the piano. He passes by a couple picture frame filled with him and his friends. He was going to do something tonight. Whether it is meeting someone new or getting laid, Flame was going to do it. He was going to feel alive again.
He wanted to be Wemmbu's only exception.
Flame ordered a shot. He immediately threw his head back, downing the shot.
This was a bad idea.
Flame blinked tears away from his eyes, he brushed his locs back, feeling like an exposed nerve. He hasn't checked his phone since the morning, he wonders what Lomedy has said. The bartender places a drink in front of Flame, "that guy ordered this for you," pointing his chin to the end of the bar.
He lifts the drink up, the man smiles and nods. Flame circled the rim of the glass. Taking a small sip, tasting the bittery-sweet concoction. It didn't taste funny. His lipstick leaving a stain on the rim. If Flame was born with a dick, would he have the same crisis? A part of him wants to say no but some deeper, queerer, part of him says no matter what universe he's in, Flame will always have confusing feelings on identity— on gender. As the man tries to move seats, a hand stamps down on the bar in front of him to his left.
Wemmbu sat down on too small barstool.
Flame looks away.
"What the fuck Flame?"
Wemmbu threw cash on the bar, "What the fuck? I don't even know what to say."
"You should be asleep,"
"Yea, and you should be back at your apartment. What is this." He demands. Wemmbu leaned closer so he could make eye contact, "who? Who Flame. Clearly this asshole is— is like—" he rubbed his forehead in frustration— "give me a name. And I won't be mad,"
"There's no one." Flame answers truthfully looking at Wemmbu. A part of him feels like a cowed dog, another part wants to spread his legs.
"You're lying. You're lying. No shot. We're leaving. I can't— I can't believe you walked for ten fucking minutes, in this get up—"
"What do you mean 'in this get up'—"
"In this get up. In the middle of the fucking night. And you left me. You left me. Do you— Do you know how, how rude that is??" Wemmbu settled for rude even though Flame knew what he wanted to say was painful. He's dragged out to Wemmbu's truck.
"I'm- I'm angry," he settles. Flame continued to look out the window, his nails digging into his fist. "I knew you were going through shit, I should've just, just dm'd instead of like doing nothing—"
"It's not on you bro," Flame cuts off. Wemmbu gives him a pained look. The rest of the ride is spent in awkward silence, Wemmbu clearly stewing on his emotions, probably about to crach out again in Flame's apartment.
Flame's pushed into the bathroom, Wemmbu already preparing a change of clothes and his towel. He's aggressive in the way he took off Flame's make up but the motions are clearly familiar to him, "Take off your clothes- your accessories or I'm doing it for you,"
He looks at Wemmbu surprised, this scenario feeling like a fantasy of his but going in the wrong direction. His gut dropped. He shook his head, "Flame." his voice begging.
He frowned. Making sure his wrists aren't showing he takes off his rings and bracelets, putting it on the sink counter. The lack of familiar noise causing the loud rush of blood in his ears to sound deafening. Flame held his hand at his back, Wemmbu stared through Flame. He untied the dress, unzipped side, letting it fall to the floor. It's cold.
In his fantasies, they kiss. It's passionate and awkward, in his fantasies, Wemmbu is saying sweet things to him.
Flame looked at the ceiling when Wemmbu takes his arms, he hears the sharp inhale. "I've been so patient," he looks at Wemmbu. "Go shower."
Flame waits Wemmbu to leave, they have a stand off. "Uh, can you go bro?"
"If your wrists and thighs were clean I would've but since you wanna play fruit ninja again I'm staying."
He gives Wemmbu a funny look. Throwing his sticky thong to the hamper, he showers. It's nothing like his fantasies. He could feel exhaustion radiating off of him, sat on the toilet just watching Flame shower, then take whatever razer he or Mane left out into the trash. Flame makes an annoyed noise, Wemmbu makes a 'wanna try me?' look. He gets dressed, he's pulled into his room.
The energy tense from Wemmbu. "I should've known, when you sent I love you and didn't reply that something was up. You know Lomedy was asking me if I knew anything about this chungie you're talking to. I'm man enough to admit that, that hurt. Then you were just, you wore girly things, you made thirst posts on your instagram stories." He made Flame sit down on the bed, hand on his hip, "I don't care how you express yourself but clearly— clearly something is going on here. Nevermind the selfharm."
It's you, it's because of you! He wants to scream but there is no one else to blame but Flame. He did this to himself, he dug that hole, now he's lying in it.
"Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn't tell Mane," he threatens.
His get out of jail free card. Flame finally lets out the tears he's been holding back all day knowing anyone in his life are weak to. It's not fair but he doesn't want to deal with this. Let him be irresponsible for once.
Wemmbu immediately softens up, "hey, heyhey," hugging Flame. Kissing his forehead, "let's, let's not do that," he's never been good at comforting people crying. "I didn't mean to—" Wemmbu crouched down to wipe his tears.
"Don't tell Mane," in his most wobbly voice.
Wemmbu winces, "Yea, okay, okay, I won't." He held Flame's knees, "is it this guy? Is he making you like this? Just say the word and he will be dealt with,"
And Flame knows that's true. It's just that the reason why he's like this is because of the man in front of him.
He sniffles. Wemmbu sighs, taking a tissue and forcing Flame to blow his nose.
"Let's sleep," he went on the bed and adjusted both of them, his arm out making Flame rest his head in his armpit, "we're dealing with this tommorow."
Flame wakes up at seven A.M on the dot. Sitting up from his bed, Wemmbu still curled into him.