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germolene, disinfect the scene

Summary:

Ravi: im gonna go pour water over them both 

idgaf 

Chim: i’m not apart of this 

Maddie: Ravi, don’t 

Eddie will actually lobotomize you if you disturb bucks rest

Ravi: good!

Notes:

I just wanted an excuse to write crack with a lot of sexting.

it’s a full chat fic with one smut scene in the last chapter that is optional & recommended and separated with a page break

title from Breezeblocks by Alt-J

love y'all

Chapter Text

Private messaging between Buck and Eddie 

Buck: where r u 

ur not in the house 

did u go back to texas

eddie 

why did u leave me again 😭

Eddie: What the fuck, Buck

Buck:  ha that rhymed

Eddie: Why would I be in Texas

I’m out getting coffee

Buck: oh

yay!

can u get me a bearclaw 

Eddie: Already did 

Buck: ur the best 

thx eds ❤️

Eddie: ❤️

Private messaging between Buck and Maddie 

Buck: is it weird to send ur best friend a heart emoji

Maddie: of course not, i doubt eddie cares

Buck: no he just sent one back 

Maddie: then why are you asking me if it’s weird?

Buck: do u think he can tell i’m in love with him by the heart emoji 

like

and just sent one back platonically 

Maddie: 🤦

Buck: :( why do u hate me 

Maddie: go to work buck 

Buck: we dont leave for another hour eds is out getting coffee

oh wait hes here 

talk later he brought me a bearclaw 

love him so much tf

Maddie: kill me 

GC: idiot4idiot (Ravi, Hen, Chim, Maddie, Bobby, Athena, May, Karen)

Maddie: kill me

Hen: already?

Maddie: i’m barely awake and they’re already being idiots 

Chim: is that why i can hear you sigh all the way from jee’s room

Ravi: they literally do not stop

it feels like im in a porno intro all the time 

Maddie: ew i don’t want to think about my brother in a porno 

Ravi: come to the firehouse you dont have to think about it

you can experience it

Chim: my wife is now gagging into her coffee

Thanks

Hen: Good job, Ravi.

Karen: Maddie do you need me to bring anything over?

Maddie: no i’m good 

no thanks to ravi 

Chim: good job, Ravi 

Bobby: Good job, Ravi! -Bobby Nash 

Ravi: not cap, too 🙁

GC: 118 A-Shift Work Chat (Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Buck, Eddie, Ravi)

 

Bobby: Good morning, team! Looking forward to a smooth 24 to kick off the month. As a quick reminder, please remember not to keep food in the lockers. We have a fridge and cabinet space in the loft, and I would prefer not to call an exterminator due to a pest problem. There’s enough space for everyone. -Bobby Nash

Buck: it was one time!

Hen: One time too many, Buckaroo

Eddie: Why was there food in your locker, Buck?

Buck: i may have shoved it in there when i was in a rush to get changed and forgot to bring it to the fridge 

Chim: and how long did you forget about it for, Buck?

Buck:

three weeks 

Eddie: Three weeks?!

Hen: The locker room smelled like moldy peaches for another week after that, too.

Eddie: There was a moldy peach in our locker?!

I hate peaches

Buck: which is why i had it while you were in texas!

Eddie: I can still smell it in the locker, Buck.

Buck: no you cant 

i bleached the entire locker 

and the one under it when it leaked 

Chim: Leaky peach?

Buck: oh my god 

pls never say that again

Hen: Chimney. 

Ravi: why is this what i open my phone to 

leaky peaches🤮

Chim: 🍑

Buck: stop 

Bobby: This has migrated from the original issue, please remember this is a work chat. -Bobby Nash

Chim: Sorry, Cap!

Ravi: yeah chim go take your leaky peach somewhere else 

Buck reacted 👎 to: yeah chim go take your leaky peach somewhere else

GC: 118&co

Karen: Hey guys! Hen and I were wondering if anyone was up for a beach trip this weekend. Denny and Mara have been wanting to go for a few days so I figured we could make a group out of it. Let us know!

Maddie: yes! Chim and I will come!

Athena: Count Bobby and I in as well. 

Harry, too. 

Eddie: Buck, Chris and myself will join. 

Buck loved: Buck, Chris and myself will join.

May: I have to work this weekend, but I’ll miss you guys!

Athena: I’ll miss you too, baby. 

Ravi: i will join the beach trip

Buck: literally no one invited u

Ravi: excuse me i am in this groupchat 

Buck: wasn’t my choice 

Eddie: Buck. 

Be nice. 

Ravi: ooooo ur in trouble 

Eddie: Nevermind. 

Private messaging between Karen and Eddie

Eddie: You are evil.

Karen: May I ask why or should I assume this has to do with Buck

Eddie: A beach trip? 

Really? 

Karen: Eddie I have no idea what you’re implying. 

Eddie: Do you want to know what people don’t wear at the beach? 

A shirt. 

Or clothes that cover them. 

I had a heart attack ten minutes ago because Buck took off his turnouts. 

And now I’m supposed to go to the beach?

Karen: Oh. 

Oh!

C’mon, Eddie. You’ve seen Buck shirtless before. 

Eddie: That was before I knew I was gay!

Now I want to swallow him.

Karen: Okay, ew!

Eddie: Sorry.

Just.. what do I do?

Karen: I have no idea what to do about your desire to consume Buck. 

Have you told anyone else yet? 

Eddie: No. Just you, Chris, and my sisters. 

I think I will soon, though.

Karen: Yay!

Eddie: Thanks again, Karen. 

GC: Boat, no captain (Chim, Ravi, Eddie, Hen, Buck)

Buck: where did everyone go

i woke up and everyone is gone 

the bunkroom is dark 

help 

Hen: We’re in the loft. 

Chim: just turn the light on 

Buck: but then it will hurt my eyes :( 

Eddie: And your phone doesn’t?

Buck: no

it’s different light 

come back im lonely

Eddie: But we’re watching Great British Bake Off

Buck: without me!

but i dont wanna get up yet 

eds stop watching 

wait for me

Eddie: Fine, I’m coming. 

Buck: yay 😍

nvm ravi just came and turned all the lights on 

Eddie: Ok, saved you a spot on the couch. 

You can have Ravi’s spot. 

Buck loved: You can have Ravi’s spot.

GC: idiot4idiot (Ravi, Hen, Chim, Maddie, Bobby, Athena, May, Karen)

Ravi: lobotomize me 

Maddie: ???

Should i be concerned 

Hen: I’d say yes, but I’d like Chim to do me first. 

Chim: nuh uh, I call dibs on first lobotomy 

Ravi: didn’t you already get one 

Hen: Ravi is right. I call dibs. 

Chim: that was a completely different part of the brain 

unfortunately

Maddie: will someone please tell me what’s going on

Athena: I would also like to know. 

Ravi sent a screenshot

Athena: Wow.

Bobby: I was going to advise against lobotomizing each other, but I think I may need one as well. -Bobby Nash

May: Flirting in the group chat is crazy. 

What episode of GBBO are you guys on?

Hen: I’m not sure. We all fled the room. 

Ravi: buck literally has his head in eddie’s lap while he strokes his hair

Chim: did you hear what they said before that

Ravi: you mean eddie telling buck he needs more rest 

and that he’ll protect him from the harsh lighting 

and then watch him bury his face in eddies stomach 

no

Maddie: oh my god 

Bobby: Wow. -Bobby Nash

I was not prepared. -Bobby Nash

Hen: Eddie just told Cap to be quiet😆

Ravi: im gonna go pour water over them both 

idgaf 

Chim: i’m not apart of this 

Maddie: Ravi, don’t 

Eddie will actually lobotomize you if you disturb bucks rest

Ravi: good!

GC: Boat, no captain (Chim, Ravi, Eddie, Hen, Buck)

Eddie: Ravi. 

Where are you.

Ravi: nope 

Buck: 🙁

GC: 118&co

Eddie: Uninvite Ravi from the beach trip. 

Ravi: hey no

Karen: Why are we uninviting Ravi?

Buck: he dumped water over me and eddie while i was asleep

Hen: The loft couch is soaked. 

Bobby: Though I’m unhappy about the couch, Ravi did dry it. -Bobby Nash

Ravi: see! no harm no foul

Buck: except my sleep 

and my head where it hit the floor

Eddie: You hit your head?

Buck: yeah but im fine!!

Eddie: Come here. Let me see. 

Buck: fine 

Chim: uh oh

Hen: Uh oh.

May: Uh oh. 

Ravi: ??

Eddie: Ravi I’m going to drown you. 

Ravi: athena help

Athena: Is Buck okay?

Eddie: He has a bump. 

Athena: Carry on.

Ravi: wow

GC: 118 A-Shift Work Chat (Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Buck, Eddie, Ravi)

 

Bobby: Great shift today, team! Go home and get some rest. We have one more 48 before our 72 off. 🌴-Bobby Nash

Buck: cap is that an emoji

Bobby: 👍-Bobby Nash

Ravi: nice 

Eddie: 🫵🌊☠️

Ravi: lalalalalal i cant hear you over the sound of the bucket im filling 

Bobby: Work chat, guys. -Bobby Nash

GC: idiot4idiot (Ravi, Hen, Chim, Maddie, Bobby, Athena, May, Karen)

Ravi: whats the likelihood eddie will actually drown me

Hen: 50/50

Chim: 90%

Maddie: thoughts and prayers 

Bobby: 🙏 -Bobby Nash

Ravi: not you too cap

Private messaging between Ravi and Eddie

Eddie: Count your days Panikkar. 

Ravi: im not scared of you 

you wont drown me in front of your kid 

Eddie: Buck will distract him. 

Ravi: you mean buck will distract you 

Eddie: ???

Ravi: gtg mail just got here 

Eddie: You live in an apartment building. How would you know that?

Ravi: it’s called a tracker old man 

Eddie: 🙄

Private messaging between Buck and Eddie

Eddie: Hey, can I talk to you about something?

Buck: eds ur literally in the kitchen i can see you 

Eddie: Yeah, but I kind of want to do it over text 

Buck: ok, is everything good

do u want me to move out 

i know we agreed we were both ok with this but i get if u want your bed to urself 

Eddie: Buck.

Buck: and im sorry if ive been annoying 

its just good having you and chris back 

Eddie: Buck!

Buck: i can talk to ravi to see if he has something available

Buck: OH!

GC: Buckley up, Diaz (Chris, Dad, Bucky)

Chris: dad why did you just scream im fucking gay from the kitchen 

Bucky: language, chris!

Chris: dad said it first 

Eddie: We both get an exemption for now. 

Chris: alright 

just in case you didnt know 

that was the gayest way to come out 

Eddie: Go to bed, Chris. 

Chris: i was definitely trying 

Private messaging between Buck and Eddie

Buck: in case i didnt make it clear 

im v proud of you!!

Eddie: Buck, we’re literally right next to each other 

Buck: i know but u have headphones in 

can i ask when you figured it out 

Eddie: When I was in Texas. Some things I wasn’t ready to address came flooding back. 

Buck: that makes sense

being where you grew up 

who else knows?

Eddie: Besides you and Chris? Karen, Soph and Adri. 

They were super helpful with it. 

I think I’m going to come out to the rest of the team tomorrow 

Buck: thank u for trusting me with this eds 

and for being u 

Eddie: No, thank you, Buck. 

Buck: what did i do 

Eddie: You’re you. 

Buck: EDDIE. 

it’s too late to make me cry

Eddie: Go to bed, Buckley. 

Buck: fine, diaz

Eddie: ♥️