Chapter Text
Kim Rok Soo was never quite apt in dealing with his own emotions. He often shoved them away in a firmly sealed tiny compartment where they're not meant to be touched, seen, or heard. Tucking them in the most privy corner of his heart.
What's more, he didn't see himself as a good person regardless of everyone else's pure perception of him. He prioritized his own well-being as well as his people's and chased after gains that benefit him. It may be considered selfish but that's how he had survived throughout years of misery and hardships.
He used people for his own personal gains, severed ties with them once they've fulfilled their purpose, and drove them away out of his life when they were no longer needed. He deemed it highly unnecessary to keep useless attachments which offer no real benefit to him and his dream of a peaceful life.
Cale Henituse, the renowned trash of Henituse County, was one of the many unfortunate victims he has wrapped around his finger. He's infamous for several things — drinking an absurd amount of alcohol from dawn till dusk, pitching a fit whenever his whims were not met, causing a ruckus in taverns and northeastern noble gatherings. The perfect picture of a spoiled brat, a useless scum, and a hotheaded aristocrat.
But when Rok Soo first saw him in person, all he could note were the distinct sharpness and clarity in Cale's reddish brown eyes—much like his own—on his flushed face as he shot heated glares at anyone who looked at him the wrong way and chugged one bottle after another, leading to a rapidly growing enormous pile of wine bottles stashed away in a corner.
No one else seemed to notice the redhead's hatred for gangsters and thugs, and specifically targeted them for his explosive outbursts. No one else seemed to noticed how he loudly complained about the poor quality of wine the bartender sold and thrashed furniture around whenever a woman—or man at times—got shamelessly harassed in public spaces and none but him bothered to step in and intervene.
Most of all, no one else seemed to notice that Cale had never hurt people. Not even the poor, unlucky ruffians who were always at the receiving end of his thrown bottles that would miraculously miss them by an inch or so.
Rok Soo was fascinated by the walking contradiction called Cale Henituse.
Knowing that the Henituse territory would soon become a powder keg and catalyst for the impending war brewing on the horizon, he sought after Cale's favor and established connections with the Henituses to prevent such a tragedy from occurring.
It worked.
It worked too well.
Rok Soo had prepared to lower down Cale's high, impenetrable walls and slowly insert himself into the confined spaces of the lout's heart. This way, he could maximize Cale's capabilities to the fullest and prove himself useful.
Somewhere along the vast bumpy road, Cale got attached—too attached to Rok Soo and his feelings for the stoic dark-haired man were so blatantly obvious that even a blind person and someone as dense as Rok Soo could read right through it.
He didn't expect Cale to reveal such an endearing side to him in just a short period of time. Nor did he expect to get absolutely spellbounded by Cale's fatal charm and his huge warm heart the world largely took for granted.
However, he knew this was nothing but a fleeting interest that would come to pass. He certainly had no intentions of reciprocating Cale's feelings for him.
With the White Star gone and the war now over, things were finally settling down. His next target would be the Hunters whose aim was to destroy worlds with the intention of creating an omnipotent deity and hunt down single-lifers—which happened to include Choi Han.
Rok Soo couldn't catch a break, could he?
But before he could hop across multiple worlds with his newfound family and allies to defeat the Hunters for good, he must do what he had initially planned to do from the very beginning—
End his relationship with Cale.
After all, Cale had already served his purpose. Rok Soo kept him by his side for far too long and it was about time they part ways. He didn't need Cale nor did Cale need him any longer.
It was never meant to last forever.
They weren't meant to be together in the first place. Hell, Rok Soo would've never thought to approach the redhead had the situation not been so dire and his life wasn't on the line.
The end of their relationship had been long overdue.
Rok Soo wanted to leave.
Standing with his back straight, he forced himself to nod and smile cordially toward the countless nobles congratulating him for his outstanding feats and accomplishments during the war. They had hidden agendas beneath their vain smiles and empty praises that Rok Soo internally grimaced at. How troublesome.
As soon as they left, his smile dropped. A stoic expression plastered itself back in place. For the nth time, he wondered when this meaningless party would be over.
A congratulatory celebration was currently being held by none other than Crown Prince Alberu in hopes of raising the citizens' morales and recognizing the heroes' achievements. Rok Soo originally turned down Alberu's invitation but was then coerced to come with the promises of golden plaques. He could use them for his future travels, Rok Soo thought.
The banquet hall was crowded with all kinds of nobles. Outside, there were commoners merrily laughing and dancing about as the minstrels played rich harmonies with an orchestra of varied instruments.
A joyous festivity.
Rok Soo lazily swept his gaze all over the room until it rested on Cale, who was hanging out with the northeastern nobles trio. Cale wore an amused grin as he watched Amiru and Gilbert team up together to poke incessant jabs at the flustered and incredibly stressed-out Eric.
The moment they made eye-contact, Cale beamed and gave a small but enthusiastic wave from where he was watching the trio banter, the view obscured from the flock of guests flooding in through the open gates.
An unknown force twisted in Rok Soo's chest.
He ignored it.
He'd already made his mind up.
It was now or never.
Rok Soo strode across the room, weaving in through the large mass of people. When he made it to Cale, he gently grabbed his wrist, momentarily startling the redhead and receiving an inquisitive gaze in his direction.
"Come with me for a bit." Was all Rok Soo said.
He looked at the trio beside Cale, silently asking for their permission. They immediately understood and nodded.
"It seems like Silver Shield-nim needs you, young master Cale." Amiru whispered into Cale's ear, grinning playfully. It was still faintly loud enough for everyone to hear within their vicinity.
"He often does." Cale rolled his eyes but the fondness in his tone was unmistakable.
Rok Soo tightened his grip on Cale's wrist, although he was careful not to hurt him by accident. There was no doubt that Cale was strong in a multitude of ways but he was born with a weaker and more fragile body compared to the average human's. It's a wonder how he had managed to survive Choi Han's beating in 'The Birth of A Hero'.
After tonight, I won't need you anymore.
Once the childhood friends exchanged farewells, Rok Soo led Cale to the royal orchard where rows and rows of flowerbeds lay neatly in front of them. He made sure no one followed them out—the last time they were left alone, their friends sneaked out in tow to spy on them.
For fun, they said. Cale had cursed them out in a mixture of incredulity and embarassment. Rok Soo's face had been blank but his eyes were glaring daggers. Everyone made a mental note not to disturb the couple's alone time again after that.
The moon shone a pale silver light across the flowering shrubs threading alongside dark cobblestone paths. Lamp posts bathed their figures in a warm yellow glow, outlining their silhouttes more distinctly.
Rok Soo didn't let go of Cale's hand interlocked with his along the way. Not until they were at a far distance away from the banquet hall. Voices from within grew faint. Silence engulfed the atmosphere.
They halted in their tracks.
Cale gazed up at him curiously.
"So? What does Mr. Kim need from me?" he asked with a teasing cadence in his voice, the edges of his mouth curling into a mischievous smile. "Feeling tired? Want to ditch the party while we're at it? No doubt Eric-hyung might spam my communication orb later if we do but I can just ignore him as usual."
Nothing. There's nothing that I need from you. Not anymore.
Rok Soo didn't respond. Taking a deep breath, he freed his hand from Cale's and instantly missed the warmth he'd grown accustomed to feeling. He turned toward Cale with a somber expression.
Seeing his serious demeanor, Cale unconsciously straightened his shoulders. He blinked, puzzled. Despite his confusion, he stayed silent, patiently waiting for Rok Soo to speak up. Whenever Rok Soo fell quiet, it usually meant he was mulling over something.
"Cale Henituse. Let's break up."
The brusque words landed like a harsh blow to his gut.
"...what?"
"Let's put an end to our relationship."
Tongue-tied, Cale stared at Rok Soo, feeling his heart pulse fluctuate against his ribcage. He wanted to question why but he couldn't find his voice. His throat went dry.
Why did Rok Soo want to cut ties with him out of the blue? Why did Rok Soo appear to be so entirely unfazed as he said those words? It had to be a misunderstanding of some sort, right? Creating big scale misunderstandings was Rok Soo's greatest specialty. He was an exceptional liar too. If he was truly lying, then he's going too far for saying such a cruel lie.
...but why did he seem so genuine and earnest about breaking up with him...?
Rok Soo continued, seemingly unaware of Cale's spiralling thoughts. Of Cale's whole world crumbling around him. Of Cale's heart starting to re-open small cracks embedded along the surface.
"We can go our own separate ways. Live our own lives. There's no reason why we should stay together now that the war's over."
"...now that the war's over?" Cale repeated, his voice barely even a whisper, blinking back the uncomfortable sting in his eyes. His head hung low, suddenly finding the ground much easier to look at.
A horrible conclusion came to his mind.
No, it couldn't be. Cale had to be wrong. Whatever conclusion his mind formed, it had to be wrong. It had to. Rok Soo, for all his indifference and greed and self-sacrificial tendencies, was a fundamentally kindhearted person. He cared deeply about the people he took under his wing and retaliated against enemies who dared try to hurt them.
Was Cale...not one of them? But hadn't Rok Soo protected him more often than not and Cale did the same for Rok Soo? Hadn't they stayed by each other's side during their highs and lows? They loved each other, did they not? Cale could've sworn that the immense love Rok Soo conveyed for him through his gaze and actions was genuine and most importantly—real in every aspect, in the way he touched him so reverently and treated him like he was precious.
As though trash like him was still deserving of being loved.
Rok Soo heaved a heavy sigh, as if irritated that he had to elaborate further about something that was obvious. It was not, in Cale's opinion. Did Rok Soo see him as a pest he had to tolerate the past two years? Had he wanted to leave Cale's side this entire time and found his company to be bothersome? Did he not enjoy their time together? Did he not love him?
"From the very start, I've never had an interest in romance. Nor have I wanted to stay in a long-lasting relationship with a romantic partner. Much less with you."
Cale forgot how to breathe. How did one breathe again? He needed to breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe—
"I just chose to indulge in your whims. Nothing more."
Why was he having difficulty breathing right now?
"You know that I'm a selfish person. I've only taken advantage of your feelings because I thought you would prove yourself useful for the war."
Ouch.
"I don't need you anymore."
Ouch.
"I have never reciprocated your feelings."
Ouch, ouch, ouch—
"That's all. This will be the last time we see each other, Cale Henituse. I hope you live well with your family. Let's put the past behind us and move forward."
It hurt. It hurt so much.
In a vain attempt to regain his footing back in reality, Cale tried to reach for Rok Soo's sleeve. To tug on it and chase after the comfort Rok Soo effortlessly provided. To be reassured that this was all just a dreadful nightmare. To be pulled into a warm hug by a strong pair of arms that made the world feel lighter than what it was.
"...please...don't..."
Please, don't leave me. Don't leave me like how everyone else does.
"...I love you, Rok Soo."
Was he not good enough?
"Jagiya, I love you."
So please stay.
Rok Soo stared blankly at him, his expression devoid of emotions, trying his hardest to disregard the knots tightening in his chest. Trying his hardest not to yield against Cale's shaky confession. Trying his damn hardest not to take his words back because everything he just said was true.
Cale had his head lowered to the ground, red strands of hair falling into his eyes. Rok Soo restrained himself from brushing them away on instinct. He snuck a glance at Cale's fingers clenched around his sleeve, wrinkling the smooth black fabric.
Rok Soo forcefully pried Cale's fingers away.
Cale did not react. Did not move. Did not say anything.
He stood still. Stiff and motionless.
So unlike the fierce, shameless lout he was known as.
Gathering every ounce of resolve Rok Soo had in him, he gazed straight ahead and dragged his feet forward, walking past Cale.
He didn't look back.
He couldn't look back.
As though emerging from underwater, noises of the banquet hall immediately filtered in upon entering. Every respectable noble he passed by swiveled around to greet and congratulate him with fervor. Rok Soo paid them no attention, approaching his companions who were eagerly waving at him to come over.
Rok Soo had done it. He'd ended everything, just like he had planned to.
So why did he feel so agonizingly hollow?