Chapter Text
The room was dark, not a sound was uttered from the loud city. It was warm and in peace something James Bucherman Barnes was surely not used to. For once the soft mattress was more like a blessing than a curse, the sheets covered his skin, making his sleep warm instead of cold. The machines made a softly hum feeling the silence that would be suffocating otherwise. He was in peace and that was always a state to induce horrible memories. He looked at the white ceiling hopping for the best as he closed his eyes. Most of that night was also peaceful for all the tower. Tony was for once sleeping in his bed, none of the nightmares at sight and definitely no urge to kick the rogues to the street. The tower had a full house so none of the avengers were missing. Every one was in a calm sleep hoping they would stay like that for the rest of the night.
Black hair, it all started with that. He saw a little head with an untamable hair, no matter how much gel he putted the hair was always looking in different directions, so they let the hair grow so he could tie it every time, sometimes with ponytails and others in a low bun that later on he learned how to tie. Then He saw green, lost of green, the forest where they hid before killing someone, the green of the grass where they rested, the green of the fruit the kid love, the uniform that they made him wear and finally his eyes; they were so green, like gems he could definitely not afford but sure as hell Tony could. They were so emotional: the rage, the fear and sometimes when they were alone happiness something he thought the kid was incapable. Then the red came, the light that was expelled from his hands every training and the softer one that was present every time he killed someone. He never looked remorseful of killing a person, How could he? He was trained no to feel anything. Blood filled his vision the many people he had killed with the kid by his side and the once the kid turned his back, he saw his back filled with scars, punishments for every time he did not comply, every time he made a spell wrong, every time he had tried to escape.
He was sitting in the gray floor HYDRA base he supposed. He cried silently because crying was also worth a punishment. There was no light in that room, just the constant sound of the ventilation just enough to give them oxygen. It was cold with only one bed and no sheets to cover them, he preferred to give it to the kid, it did not matter he didn’t know why he did it.
“You think I’m a bad person winter?” The kid asked, the night he had killed for the first time “ my relatives were right” he whispered “I’m a freak, a monster” that night after many silent ones he answered “I think you are trying to survive” the kid stayed silent for a few seconds looking at him “many people didn’t open their mouths even though they were torturing them, I don’t think surviving makes me a good person” Bucky changed his weight from one foot to the other “many people cave after a few hours, the ones that don’t, die in a few days and some survive for months, but many of them are expendable, I don’t think they would continue much longer knowing that they are not going to kill them, many of them have the peace of knowing they will die. Some people take years to break because they have a family, something worth protecting, but every one breaks you just have to know what will, you’re a kid you are not supposed to be living like this, it’s okey to survive.”
After that he sees the kid grow, not happy but sometimes it was just peaceful. James remembered liking the kid so why on earth had he forgotten him. He remembers he and the kid watching from a distance how other played In the sun knowing that they would be covered in snow in a few hours. Watching kids play in the snow knowing that probably the next time they saw snow it would be covered by blood. The kid sometimes held his hand, not the flesh one but the metal one, after so many years the kid didn’t like to feel the heat that a human crated knowing that inevitably he will be the one to take away the heat.
They were in the sun, it was not a peaceful day, HYDRA had been sending warning signals all over the place so they needed to comply. He remembers the noise that Steve was making searching for him, the loud flying Sam was doing, he needed to go back to base to give the kid to HYDRA, to return himself. The kid stopped him in a cave and hid there. “I’m so sorry Bucky” that was the only time he had called him that, mainly because he did not know the name “will you ever be able to forgive me?” He asked “why would you need that?” The kid looked straight in his eyes “you will be clumsier and messier until they capture you and returned your memories, you will not lose against anyone who is trying to do you harm but you will loose to the ones helping you” the kid started, he could feel his magics invading his brain with such force as the kid uttered the words “Harry, wait you’ll get in trouble” the kid, Harry did not stop “you will forget me and every encounter we ever had, I never existed, run Bucky run”
He awoke covered in sweat, screaming the kids name, oh goodness he had left the kid with those monsters. HYDRA wasn’t even dead he needed to get him back now. He got out of bed the clumsiest he ever had since before going to war. He exited the bedroom put a jacket on and started going to the elevator it did not matter what the talking ceiling said. He pushed the button but seeing it did not work he went to the stairs, triggering all the alarms that he could have triggered .
Hours later all the avengers were sitting in the leaving room with hate faces at the ungodly hour he had triggered the alarms. Tony stark looked specially pissed, he did not like any of the rogues living with him and now they were having the police department and the fire department discussing over who had actioned the stupid alarm. Pepper was also pissed trying to explain to every one that it was a panicked induced call over a nightmare and no crime was committed. Tony was sure the rogues hated him and at this point he was going to give them another reason.
“Which one of you fucks activated the alarm at 4:23 on the fucking morning” no one talked, they looked at each other hopping someone was confessing “no one will talk okey, so there will be no coffee till someone does, also no TV and definitely no gym” Bucky did not hear but every one was starting to give complains “I did” he confessed, Tony frowned at him “I… I just… oh god” his kid was suffering and he didn’t know how to help him “spill it Barnes” silence remained waiting for someone to break it “I remembered… I remember a kid at HYDRA, he was kinda like my kid” Tony looked worried “so what? There are many kids like Pietro and me” Wanda said “he was not a teenager, he was a kid” Bucky said “when was the last time you saw him” Steve asked worried “moments before I encountered you and Sam” he said “And you just fucking left him behind, what is your damn problem Barnes that kid could be dead and you are here, doing what?” Tony snapped “It was five years ago, he could have died in many horrible ways” the man of iron was getting anxious “he is a fighter, he is alive, he did something to my mind to force me to escape and he made me forget him” Bucky confessed, all looked frankly worried, mind control was not something new to the lot, but someone who could manipulate the mind with such an ease was always a sensitive topic. “What should we do?” Clint asked, he did not think he could handle another person able to enter his mind with such an ease.
The soldier dropped to his knees in front of Tony, every one was impressed, Steve tried to go to his best friend but Natasha stopped him. Tony looked around searching for some confirmation he was dreaming “Tony I beg you please, please save my kid, I’ve failed him long enough, please, if you want to kick me out after it I will accept it, please just help my kid, help Harry” everyone waited to the answer of Tony waiting for the inevitable no he would give “I don’t know how to search for him, that’s why I activated the alarm I wanted out, I needed to find my kid, but you are the only one who can actually find this kid. Please I’m begging you”
“Bold of you to assume that I wouldn’t start searching the moment you told me there was a kid, I need you to tell me all about the kid, we may not have much time if you remember him now.”