Chapter Text
Meetra sat at her usual table in the cafeteria, the drink in her hand being her one comfort as the ship moved through space. She’d spent way too long in the Outer Rim, trying her best to forget what it was like to feel the universe around her. Trying her best to move past feeling as though half of her very being had been carved out that day, twenty years ago. Not that it was any real use, but still. It was nice to imagine.
Sometimes, she would stare at a cup sitting across the table with her fingers discreetly outstretched. Just in case. Gaslighting herself into believing that maybe the cup shook a bit. But it was no use. The Force was gone. Cut away from her when she was exiled from the Jedi Order.
Part of her regretted going back to face their judgment. At the time, she had been lost. The tragedy and trauma of war had made her decisions brittle. And that final order on Malachor V… The way she looked at the engineer and nodded, giving the order to activate the device that would end the war…
The screams that she still heard in her dreams of so many lives ending all at once…
Now? Now she was just bitter. She had a right to feel bitter. Some Jedi fell to the Dark Side. They weren’t cut off from the Force. And no matter what the Masters had claimed, she didn’t fall. The Dark Side had no hold on her. But she still suffered the humiliation and despair of being exiled and losing the Force. Not to mention her lightsaber.
Her hand clenched around nothing, remembering the feeling of it sitting in her hand, designed perfectly for her hand.
“Why does it feel so weird to hold?” Atris asked, frowning as she held my lightsaber. I snorted and shook my head, using the Force to easily pull it from her grasp.
“Because it’s mine,” I replied, smiling down at it. “I created it to fit only my hand perfectly. No one else will be able to wield it with any efficiency.”
“Excuse me?”
Meetra turned her head to see a Republic soldier standing there, looking uncertain and a bit eager. She made her face smile as she finished off her drink.
“My apologies, were you waiting for this seat?” she asked.
The soldier shook their head, squirming. “Um, are you… Are you General Meetra Surik?”
Ice washed through her veins at the title. Screams echoed in her head. Her hands clutching at her skull as she felt every single life end. Her soldiers trying to help. Revan giving her support.
“It is you! I served under you during the Assault on Dxun!” the soldier continued happily. “Your battle tactics were amazing!”
Her battle tactics on Dxun were pathetic. It was one of the first battles she commanded, and she had barely known what she was doing. She had been wet behind the ears in terms of war and didn’t understand what was required. If she could go back, Dxun would’ve been one of the biggest changes she would make.
“Nothing can top Revan’s tactics,” she stated, forcing herself to relax. She should’ve been expecting this. This was a Republic Cruiser. The only real reason she was even on the Harbinger in the first place was because she had met with one of her Republic drinking buddies in the Outer Rim and had mentioned wanting to see what she could do to make up for the war. She’d heard Telos was apparently still suffering from it.
“Revan?” the soldier asked, jerking back. “I’m surprised you’d mention him.”
She frowned, tilting her head. “Why would I not? He’s a war hero. Though… Did he ever come back from the Unknown Regions?”
The soldier stared at her, mouth agape. “You… You don’t know?”
Hackles rising, her head slowly shook. “Know what?”
“The… The Jedi Civil War.” Everything seemed to freeze. “I-I guess if you’ve only been in the Outer Rim, then you wouldn’t know much about it. Especially if you were keeping your head down.” That was an understatement of what she had been doing in the Outer Rim. The soldier lowered their voice, giving her a sympathetic look. “When Revan came back from the Unknown Regions, he and Malak had changed. They’d fallen. The two began to systematically take over different worlds. Telos was one of the first. They bombarded the planet.” The soldier continued to tell her of everything she had missed out on. The Jedi Civil War. The fall of Revan. The rise of Bastila Shan. The way Revan was eventually brought back to the light by Bastila Shan. The terror of Malak. The destruction of the Star Forge. And Revan’s eventual disappearance.
“So…” She needed to make sure she understood correctly. “The Jedi refused to involve themselves in the Mandalorian Wars. However, they threw themselves headfirst in a battle against Revan and the Sith.”
“Not all the Jedi refused to fight in the Mandalorian Wars,” the soldier corrected, flinching. “You ‘ought to know better than anyone.”
“When the threat didn’t seem to affect them, they couldn’t be bothered,” she muttered, frustration rising once more. “But when it did, they intervened. Hypocrites…”
Later that night, she lay in bed. Thinking about Revan and Malak, whom she knew, and contrasted against what she had been told. She could see them falling to the Dark Side. There were signs towards the end of the war. So many signs… She had done her best to connect to them, with them, to give them that stability in moments of peace when they could all breathe. And, perhaps, she would’ve been successful. But when Revan said he needed to go see where the Mandalorians came from, she couldn’t follow. She was so burnt out from war at that point, after Malachor V. She couldn’t handle any more or she would’ve fallen just in an attempt to not feel anything anymore. Yes, she could see Revan and Malak eventually falling without her stability if they continued to embroil themselves in war.
But what about all who followed them? She was the only one of the Jedi who chose to return to the Council, who chose not to follow Revan to the Unknown Regions. All the others came back as Sith. Why? What did they see? What did they find?
They came back as Sith and began taking over control of the galaxy. If Revan remained in control, they probably would’ve succeeded. But instead, Bastila Shan brought him back to the light. Or, more specifically, she brought him out of the darkness he had been entrenched in. But he never had a reason for why he did what he did. Revan always had a reason. He wasn’t considered the most brilliant strategist for nothing. So something was out there. Something that convinced him that he needed to be the one in charge.
Power in unity.
“How can we stand around?!” Revan shouted to the crowd of people. “People are dying! Worlds are being overrun! Children taken as slaves! And we do nothing! We are advised patience! Why?! How can we call ourselves protectors of peace, guardians of the galaxy, if we stand by while innocents are being slaughtered by the threat?! The Republic is losing this war. The Republic will lose this war if we do not help! They are begging us for help! How can we stand idly by and do nothing?!”
The people around began nodding, Knights and Padawans alike. The Masters stood silently, glaring at Revan for his protest. For his words. For his truth.
He met their eyes as he finished his speech. “There is power in unity. We must be united if we are to protect the peace that we have known. We cannot shy away from war to save our own skins. We cannot be afraid! How can the Masters claim there is no emotion when all they feel is fear?!”
His words made sense. They resonated in my heart. I had known for a while that the Masters were afraid of this war. Afraid of losing control. But I had ignored it. Especially when I was so close to getting what I desired, so close to getting a Padawan of my own. They had held one back from me for so long, but now I was finally being allowed one. Finally, one I could train and teach.
But Revan’s words… How could I be selfish and accept the deaths of innocents just to gain a Padawan? That was not the Jedi way, that was not what my Master would’ve done.
My eyes met Revan’s as he gave me a small and sympathetic smile, one that knew, as his own Padawan—Malak—stood beside him. And I knew, then and there, that I would likely never have my own Padawan. I would be sacrificing my desires for the peace of the galaxy.
This was the Jedi Way.
She blinked tears away as the familiar ache filled her. A voice echoed through the speakers, talking about how they would be detouring for a bit to investigate some battle. The words flowed around, but she didn’t really hear them. No, she instead fell into the familiar meditations. Something she had learned during her wanderings.
“There is passion, yet peace. There is serenity, yet emotion. There is chaos, yet order. I will do what I must to keep the balance.”
“Listen closely,” Revan said as we stood at the edge of the camp, preparing for battle. “The Mandalorians have been killing us, killing the Republic, slowly. But not any more. No, instead we will be the ones who take them down!”
A cheer rose through the crowd of Republic soldiers while he nodded towards me, a small smile on his face. Right, my turn.
“Think of your wives,” I told them, standing at attention with my chin raised. My hands clasped behind my back. Fingers trembling slightly. “Your husbands. Your partners. Your children. All of your families wondering where you are and where you will be. If you will make it back. Some of you won’t. But do what we say and you’ll see them again.”
Revan swooped back in, barking the orders smoothly. This battle was everything. If we lost here, the war was over. This was the final attempt to shove the Mandalorians back.
Or we would lose the Outer Rim for good.
“Meetra Surik will lead the charge. Malak will flank their guards. Arren Kae will lead his men around to take their camp and cut off their supply lines. Nisotsa will stay back and take care of any Mandalorians who slip through to attack us where we are weakest. Cale will find the hostages and free them while Xaset Terep will find the general in command and take them down. Talvon Esan and Cariga Sin will strike from the left and right while I sweep through with my squad and destroy their ships.” Revan’s eyes met mine. “You will be taking the brunt of it Meetra. Say the word and we’ll readjust.”
My eyes held his. “This is our greatest chance of success. We won’t lose. My soldiers and I will break through and draw their eyes. Nothing will stop us.”
Setting off, I called for my soldiers to start prepping to move out. I gave smiles and reassurances where needed. I laughed with them. I listened to them. I connected with them. It was the least I could do. I was about to ask many of them to die for me. So for them, I would listen. I would remember. Each name and every face. Every single story.
When did you stop remembering them?
They told me what they lived for and fought for. They told me what they were dying for. And I thought back to what I was fighting for. Balance. There needed to be a balance. The Jedi were meant to be peacekeepers. If the Masters would not fight to keep the peace, to keep the universe in balance, then I would fight.
Hours later… So many hours of blood and death later… We were pinned. Taking heavy fire. The plan was at risk of failing completely. I was at a loss as the Captain rushed towards me. I could sense the bad news.
“Comm says we’ve lost another heavy droid transport,” she reported frantically, holding her hands together as if in prayer. To me. “How can we break through the Mandalorian lines without support? The path is mined and the place is crawling with enemies. I know we’ve got our orders to press forward, but we’re at quarter strength. We can’t, General. It’s impossible. We need to retreat.” The desperation was clear in her eyes.
A hand rubbed against my forehead as I grit my teeth.
“We have to keep pushing forward,” I told her, taking a breath.
“General, it would be suicide to go forward! There’s just too few of us!” Her arguments weren’t wrong. She wasn’t wrong. “We already lost half the men just getting to the path.” A failure of my orders. I didn’t expect the local fauna to attack us as viciously as they did. “They’ve got the rest of the company pinned down by the crash site.” Another failing, but not on me. No one could’ve predicted that the Republic ship from the battle above would crash down just as we had engaged the Mandalorians. At least we’d succeeded in stealing their attention. “You can’t possibly ask the troops to go forward!” But we had to charge. We hadn’t been expecting the mines. We hadn’t been expecting the fauna. We hadn’t been expecting the crash. We were outgunned, outnumbered, outflanked, and we would likely all die if I gave the order.
But everything hinged on this. On our sacrifice. On Revan’s plan, whatever it was, succeeding. We needed to win this fight. Or we would lose this war.
“General.” I met the eyes of the desperate woman in front of me. “If you ask us to charge, will it mean something? Will it make a difference? Will… My wife be safe from the Mandalorians?”
“Captain Allysta,” I said gently, reaching out to place my hand on her shoulder. “I will not lie to you. You know I will never lie to you. And I cannot answer you with certainty.” Her face fell. “Only Revan can answer whether or not this battle is essential. Whether our victory here is required or if we’ve done enough and can retreat.” I squeezed her shoulder gently as I offered the most of a smile I could muster, the rain pouring from above. The mud sinking into our boots. The men shivering and staring at me with hope in their eyes.
Her shoulders sagged. “We... We will press forward if you ask it. The path is mined. If you ask us to charge, there will be losses, General.”
“We have our orders. We will follow them.”
“I’ll tell the men, General. Everyone, you heard the General. Charge, charge!”
“And Captain Allysta.” She gave me one last look. “I’m right beside you. We win together or we die together.” Finally, a smile cracked on her face as she nodded. I released her. She grasped her blaster while the remaining soldiers grabbed their own weapons. I used the Force to Pull my lightsaber to my hand.
And I led the charge, shouting as we raced across the mined path.
Where I could, I used the Force to blow up mines while deflecting blaster shots. Men fell around me. Allysta was right behind me. We continued to scream our refusal of surrender as we charged while the Mandalorians answered in kind.
“For the Republic!”
“For Mandalore!”
Blades met lightsaber. Blaster shots rang through the air. Three different Mandalorians came at me. I wasn’t the most skilled with a lightsaber—though Revan was trying to teach me the intricacies of duel wielding—but where I lacked in physical prowess, I more than made up for with the Force.
I Pushed two Mandalorians back while blocking the third. A quick pull to help strengthen my soldiers’ physical attacks. With my personal knowledge of droids, I ensured their droids were down for the count. Such simple rewiring. Everything moved at a blur as we pushed forward.
And kept pushing forward.
And kept pushing forward.
And kept pushing forward.
My lightsaber came down one final time. One final Mandalorian fell. I panted for breath, looking around for the next combatant, only to find no one left. The soldiers looked around as well, looking about as dazed as I felt. Nearly as drained. It’d been a while since I’d used the Force as consistently with so many different people.
“We won,” a soldier muttered, stumbling into his buddy. “We did it! We won!”
Cheers echoed as I let out my own breathless laugh, disbelief coursing through me. We did it. We won. It seemed impossible. Falling to the ground, falling into the mud, I let out a breath while gripping my lightsaber tightly. I turned to grin at Allysta, only to freeze.
She laid there, eyes unblinking. I hadn’t noticed her death, her absence of life. Not in the heat of battle with allies and enemies dying left and right. But now that I could see it… I felt her absence in the Force. And it ached.
Crawling over to her, a small sob left my lips. She was smiling, in her last moments. Did she die just as the battle had ended? Did she know we won? Did she know that her sacrifice would mean something? I closed her eyes gently with the Force, not wanting to get mud on her face.
I would remember her sacrifice always. She came from Taris. I’d visit Taris, once the war was over, and find her wife. Take responsibility for my decisions. Give whatever assistance I could.
When did you forget your promises?