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It feels like being scolded by his dad.
He doesn’t even have one, but the experience is so bad he’s managed to conjure the image.
Taiki corners him in the kitchen while he’s scrounging up food to eat. He knows he’s fucked when they make eye contact with him and refuse to blink. They must have been trying to blow him up with their mind or something. Seiya gently puts the bread he had in his hands back into the fridge, hoping he’d be able to make his sandwich after Taiki’s done telling him to clean the bathroom or whatever.
“I found your magazines.”
Oh... oh no.
There are two kinds of magazines they could be talking about. The first kind were normal, because they were just about Earth musicians Seiya was curious about. The second kind was porn. No one with a brain attached to their head would corner someone about Earth musician related magazines.
“What about it?”
They can’t seem to stop stepping into his personal space. Seiya backs up every time, ending up with his back against the counter. He eyes the hallway, hoping someone didn’t catch him in this situation.
The only person who could catch him like this was Yaten, but even Yaten seeing him get scolded for reading porn was too much. She’s seen a lot of his stupidity, and he usually laughed along when she called him stupid, but he didn’t want to hear or—God forbid, see her reaction.
She’d wrinkle her nose, and turn her head, and she’d say he was so immature... and worse, she’d go on and on about how much of a boy he was, with his gross little nudie mags.
“I wanted to talk about something I found in it.” They inch closer, nearly chest to chest with him. They have a hand behind their back, surely holding one of his magazines out of sight. “I thought we could indulge ourselves.”
Oh!
He wasn’t being scolded for his extracurricular activities... Exciting. He can imagine it now. There are so many magazines under his bed, and they’re all well-loved. He’d never thought about telling Taiki about what he read in it, but if they wanted to experiment with it, he certainly wouldn’t be opposed. Seiya wraps his arms around Taiki’s waist and pulls them on to him. They slot together like a perfect, irrationally horny puzzle. “And...?”
Please be the leatherman’s guidebook, please be the leatherman’s guidebook, please be the leatherman’s guidebook... Seiya holds tighter onto Taiki.
Taiki reveals what they’d been hiding behind their back.
It isn’t a magazine, but a pack of rice paper.
“Eh?”
“It’s called Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating.” Taiki claims it’s from one of his lesser used magazines, but he doesn’t quite remember something so imaginative.
“Huh?”
Taiki frames it as Seiya being too embarrassed to bring it up to them, and Taiki is just so kind to indulge them.
Seiya goes along with it because, sure, maybe he’s into that and he just forgot for some reason.
Thus, he is introduced to the Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating challenge.
Taiki explains it like it’s normal to (eat?) rice paper off someone’s penis, and that it’s basically the phallic equivalent to using whipped cream on someone. Seiya thinks maybe he could just lick some whipped cream off a dick and get it over with, but no, it has to be rice paper. And he has to (... suck?) it off them.
“So... I have to make a spring roll using your penis.” Seiya looks down at their crotch, and then at the rice paper. That can’t be what they mean, right? “And, I have to put fillings in it? Or, is it just rice paper.” Is it still a spring roll if it’s just a dick in some paper?
“Of course not.” Poor, poor Yaten walks into the kitchen while Taiki corrects him. Seiya watches the blood drain from her cheeks as Taiki prattles on about it, completely unaware that they have an audience. Seiya tries to shoo her away before they get any further, but Yaten is stuck to the floor. “If we used anything else, I’d get an infection. Plain rice paper would suffice.”
He can’t even bother to be ashamed of it. Yaten can hear Taiki explain how using fillings in a dick flavored spring roll would give them an infection and deal with it. He’s given up.
She coughs loudly into her fist, hoping they’d please shut the fuck up.
“Oh, Yaten.” Taiki perks up when they notice her, and suddenly Seiya realizes this is much more complex than he thought. They’re excited she overheard. This was all part of their plan. “I’d like to sit down with you and have a talk about something I read.” That devil!
Taiki drags Seiya by the shoulder to the kitchen and has them all sit down. He still can't quite shake the image of being scolded by his parents, looking between Taiki's unreadable expression and Yaten's red face. Is she mad? She's mad. She has to be mad.
“So, I was reading one of Seiya’s—” they give Seiya a Look, which usually means ‘you are disgusting and hormonal and everyone knows it.’ That’s how Yaten puts it, at least— “magazines. One of the articles was greatly intriguing.”
“Okay?”
Yaten’s already bored. Score. This just means Taiki has to say three more stupid or obscure things before she gets up and leaves. Seiya might not even have to suck rice paper today. Maybe he won’t EVER have to suck rice paper.
“Blah blah blah," Taiki says, and Seiya stares at the grain of the wood while they talk, "and I thought it would be culturally relevant. Something something super smart guy, Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating.” He can't keep living like this. Seiya's going to smash his face into the table, break his nose, and leave to go to urgent care. That wasn’t obscure at all. That was completely understandable, and it was about him sucking Taiki’s rice paper dick.
“Oh.” Yaten tries not to look at least a little disgusted. “Are you actually into that?”
“What? No. It’s just a competition.” They look offended that she’d even dare suggest such a thing. (Obviously, it doesn’t matter unless you’re the one sucking rice paper. So Seiya’s super gay, and Taiki’s just culturally in touch with the world.) “It’s just a way for us to experience the beauty of typical human sexual encounters without being... a part of the community. It’s like going to an aquarium.”
And Seiya’s the stupid gay fish at this stupid gay aquarium.
“What does this have to do with me?”
“I need you to time us.”
The rice paper goes on Taiki’s dick. Obviously, but he can’t quite figure out how that works. There’s a damp piece of rice paper pinched between his fingers, and he just stares at it.
Taiki won’t tell him anything about the technique. If they’d really read an article about this, wouldn’t there be some instructions? Seiya’s magazines that he ACTUALLY owns, and ACTUALLY has under his bed include articles with instructions. Because, usually, you would like to know what you’re doing before you put rice paper to dick. Sure, he can’t read the instructions, because the pages are a little bit glued together, but at least they’re there.
There’s probably a spring roll jerkoff competitive eating champion out there crying because of his poor technique.
It isn’t even his fault. No one is telling him anything!
Yaten is useless and just sitting in the corner with her stopwatch that Taiki had already bought before bringing this up. She can’t be bored, because she’d just leave, but what joy is she getting out of this? Does she just like watching him suffer?
Well... she does seem to be watching them sometimes... so... maybe... she’s into that. Maybe Yaten’s the real pervert, he says with rice paper and Taiki’s penis still in his hands.
“Wait —. So, I’m supposed to, what, suck it off you?”
This is not sounding like something Seiya’s into at all, and he’s beginning to suspect Taiki made the whole thing up.
“Mhm. We talked about this.” Taiki’s as calm as ever, even sitting in bed with Seiya’s hand on their dick. He feels scolded.
Seiya’s subpar technique leads them places they should never go. He drapes the rice paper over Taiki like he’s dressing it up as a ghost, marvels at the (ugly) results, and then tries to fold it around them with the intent of creating the illusion of a penis spring roll.
“So, when does the actual, uhm, competition start?” Seiya's shaking so bad it looks like he's trying to jerk them off already.
“It already did.”
Yaten settles into her chair and gives the stopwatch a look. “It’s been a minute. You’re really bad at this.”
Not one to be deterred by Yaten’s annoying complaints, Seiya mimes rolling up his sleeves, and begins the slimiest hand job ever. It feels like stroking warm mucus. It’s strange enough that he just can’t stop thinking about it. There is no rhyme or reason to it, just slime. Clearly this isn’t working for anyone, because when he finally tears his eyes away from slime town, he can see that Taiki looks unsure of his chances of success.
“He’s usually much better behaved,” Taiki reassures. (At WHAT? He's never done this before!)
“It’s almost sad... watching him act like this.”
She enjoys watching him fail. That’s why she agreed to this!
God, he’s going to lose the Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating challenge. He can’t lose; no one’s ever done it before, but he’s losing!
Seiya panics. He cannot lose.
He is filled with determination.
Seiya will be the first ever winner of the Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating challenge.
MOUTH TO SLIME!
Okay. All he has to do is eat the rice paper off of them and maybe they like it and cum in his mouth and he eats cum paper, which should be easy, but the texture is even worse on his tongue, and in his confusion he thinks he’s begun to chew. There are just too many rules to this.
Luckily, Taiki seems to like the chewing bit. His confused administrations grab their attention.
“You’re doing much better,” they coo. They begin to pet him, long fingers carding through his hair. Seiya wiggles in appreciation. Like all good boys with a bone, Seiya continues to use way too much teeth. Taiki yelps and grabs Seiya by the hair, taking a great tuft of blue and black into their fist. They pull him off like he’s bitten their dick off. Which he nearly has. A bit of rice paper hangs off his mouth while they shake their head.
He’s now sitting in the center of the bed, teeth far, far away from their dick. Taiki's hands loosen in his hair and pet him gingerly.
“Maybe—,” Taiki holds their free hand over their crotch. “This was too quick. You needed more instruction.”
Seiya whines. Chewing dick just seemed like the natural thing to do, when it was wrapped in rice paper.
“I have a better idea.” Taiki looks over at the nightstand next to the bed, with a stack of rice paper and a shallow bowl of water.
“You did terribly, by the way.” Yaten holds the stopwatch as close as she can without getting up, which is basically zero help at all, and Seiya can just barely see that it’s been three and a half minutes of that. “It felt like forever. I never thought I’d be glad your ‘technique’ is so bad Taiki had to stop you.”
Seiya whines a little louder.
Taiki does their best to break up the squabble by distracting them both with more rice paper madness. “Can you transform?”
Can he transform? Of course he can. It's his favorite thing to do! "Uhm, yeah. Just give me a second." (Seiya closes his eyes and tries to be quick about it. He makes sure not to think about Taiki and Yaten staring at him and the flaccid penis now hanging off him. It does not work.) "Wait, you're going to—. You're going to... my?" He points between his legs, and hopes Taiki doesn't see it twitch.
"Yes, thank you."
Taiki manhandles Seiya and pushes him into the spot Taiki was sitting in before. He makes himself comfortable, and then avoids eye contact when Taiki gets another sheet of rice paper.
Taiki tries folding the paper in half first. Clearly, this wasn’t going to fit on Seiya the same way it fit on Taiki. Seiya blushes at that.
Then they unfold it, reconsidering. Reconsidering what, Seiya wasn’t exactly sure. Taiki drapes it over his dick with more precision than Seiya could ever have. It’s like a magic trick. Now you see it, now it’s still there because the paper is translucent, but also there’s rice paper. Taiki’s clinical composition makes them much better at putting rice paper on penises. It’s neat and almost doesn’t look like rice paper on a penis for absolutely no reason at all. If Seiya tries really hard, he can convince himself that this is normal.
And it’s so normal that Yaten is still watching them. With her stopwatch. That Taiki bought. He almost waves at her. He stops himself.
And then he does it anyways.
Seiya doesn't think he's ever thought about Taiki in such a compromising situation before, but now that it's happening, he notices that their lips are softer than his. They're not chapped, or bitten, or... He tilts his head as Taiki's tongue swipe across their bottom lip. "We don't have to do this." He watches the way their mouth moves. They have such a way with words... Surely they've mastered all things requiring the mouth. He thinks about how soft the inside of their cheeks feel. Then he thinks that isn't something he should think about his friend/roommate/coworker/comrade/general life partner. His face burns in anticipation.
Taiki... Maker, is going to do this to him. They're going to... Seiya bites his lips.
"No—! No, I can... I want to."
Taiki descends like a man on a mission. Seiya starts to giggle (giggle!) at how ludicrous it looks, and then their lips wrap around him.
Oh no, it’s good.
The greatest secret of the world is that Seiya is so easy, getting his dick sucked because of rice paper doesn’t bother him at all once it's happening. He'll even say he likes it. It adds texture. Like a condom, but biodegradable.
From there, it goes as easy it could be when you're in a rice paper sucking competition.
Taiki's competence in Rice Paper based extracurricular was something to admire. Seiya just kind of stares. His jaw hangs loosely off his face while he watches Taiki's head bob up and down. It's surreal. On the shorter side, he can't ever see himself past Taiki. It looks like they're just eating him out. Like he never transformed in the first place. He's never thought about it like that before. The thought makes him squirm. Suddenly, he can't manage to keep his legs open. He pants and twitches, closing his thighs around Taiki.
Taiki pulls their head off of him long enough to tell him to stop moving so much before getting back to work.
If he is one thing, it is stupid, but if he lied, he'd say he was good at following orders. "Yessir," he warbles. They wrap their arms around his thighs to keep him still, and Seiya takes a second or ten to burn that image into his mind. Taiki eating him out. All attempts at maintaining composure continue to fail, but goddammit does he try. He's just so dedicated to the cause, to beating the record. Whatever record requires Taiki's mouth on his dick.
"Taiki—. Taiki.". He paws at the slicked hair on top of their head, prying a few strands loose. "I'm—." Seiya looks away from them sucking him off. He needs to hold on. he can't, not yet. Not in their mouth. That's so gross (hot hot hot), he can't do that to them. His eyes dart wildly, bouncing off the walls and landing on Yaten. She's just stopped looking at the stop watch again. She makes eye contact with him as Taiki's tongue wraps around the head of his cock.
Seiya grinds into Taiki's mouth as he comes, spilling into the rice paper. He can feel them swallow, and then the raw touch of their mouth on him. He thrusts into it, face screwed up in pleasure. It begins to hurt, but he doesn't know if this is ever going to happen again, so he manages to continue for a few short seconds before falling back.
Taiki lifts their head and wipes their mouth with the back of their hand. "Time."
A little bit out of it, Seiya looks over to Yaten (stopwatch still in hand) and unfortunately feels really good about the shock on her face. Seiya gives her a thumbs up.
He’s so good at rice paper ejaculation.
Seiya is half naked when he answers the door. There's a towel around his waist, and a suspicious amount of foodstuffs in his hands. His damp hair, out of its usual ponytail, makes him look like a juvenile lion.
"Hi!" It's Usagi.
"Hello?" He's still out of breath for reasons Usagi will never know, because she deserves better than the Spring Roll Jerkoff Competitive Eating challenge.
“Are you making spring rolls?” She’s so excited, and Seiya feels so bad when he says no, because Usagi is not allowed to touch that rice paper, not when his dick fingers have been all over it.
“Uh, maybe you can come over... tomorrow, instead. We don’t have all the, uhm, ingredients?” Or something. “I pulled all this stuff out of the cabinets and the fridge and I realized we didn’t have any shrimp,” act natural, “or any other meat for that matter.” Act natural.
“Awh, I guess I’ll have to come back later! Have you seen Yaten, actually? I kinda came to talk to her about—.”
“Nope! She’s busy! Sleeping! You can see her tomorrow. Nice seeing you, Odango!!” Seiya slams the door in her face with a smile.