Chapter Text
ILYA
While it technically starts as a joke, the idea is sparked after a rather depressing conversation Ilya has with his sad, beautiful boyfriend.
It starts with a call to Shane that he doesn't pick up. That is Ilya's first clue that there is something wrong with his boyfriend. After this past summer, Shane has done his best to always answer Ilya's calls and texts, and Ilya has made sure to return the favor. Shane had taken the initiative to share a calendar with Ilya, where all the little blocks of time they would be able to talk are listed. Ilya double checks that calendar now, frowning when he confirms that there should be about an hour of time where they can call each other this very night.
Ilya redials and listens as it rings and rings and—
"Hey," Shane greets, the exhaustion in his voice plain as day to Ilya. Shane sounds quiet on the other end, flat in a way that reminds Ilya of their conversation when he suggested marrying Svetlana for citizenship.
Ilya leans back on his couch, immediately narrowing his focus completely to Shane. "Ah, you are alive then? You do not write, you do not call..."
Shane lets out a cute little snort, the sound more alive than his greeting had been, but he says nothing in response, just keeps breathing shakily on the other side of their call.
"You are okay?" Ilya asks after a moment, brow furrowed, worry slowly creeping up his spine.
"It's been a day," Shane replies, his words slow to come out.
"Hm," Ilya hums in response, "bad one?"
"Yeah," Shane confirms, a little sigh escaping and echoing from Ilya's speaker. The exhale of air feels like it might be heavier than it sounds.
"You want to tell me why?" Ilya asks, shifting so he is laying down sprawled across his cushions. He turns his speaker phone on and lays his phone across his chest, staring up at the ceiling as he waits for Shane's reply.
There is only silence that follows for a long time. Ilya doesn't disturb the peace that has descended, simply let's Shane breathe with him like it's something they do all the time. It isn't, but maybe it could be? Ilya pictures it, phone calls that last hours, but are mostly silent. Just two people existing together in a comfortable silence.
He likes the picture it paints.
"I miss you," Shane whispers, breaking through the quiet and sending a sharp pain right through Ilya's heart. "I knew it would be different, now that we're like, together? But I don't think I realized how much."
"I miss you too, солнышко," Ilya half coos, longing coloring his own words.
Once that has been established, Shane seems to perk up some. He talks about training camp, about the new rookies and several new hires. He complains about something boring and Ilya tells him, "I would simply not let that happen to me," and Shane tells him to go fuck himself.
"No, I fuck you," Ilya insists, laughing when Shane tells him to shut up.
Their conversation turns sporadic after that, slowing down, the natural flow rising and falling as random tidbits are shared about their day, like they hadn't managed a fifteen minute call earlier this morning.
Ilya picks up his phone, scrolling through Twitter absently, letting Shane's cute little absentminded hums lull him into relaxing, when Shane finally decides to speak up.
"It's just weird," he mutters, his voice slightly muffled on his end.
Ilya waits patiently for him to continue, but when nothing comes, he asks, "What is weird?"
"Not seeing your face when I wake up."
Ilya is immediately choking up, heart swelling with affection.
"I know it was only a couple weeks, but…," Shane starts and then stops, sighing heavily, "…waking up with you every morning felt so right. Like that's how I'm supposed to wake up for the rest of my life."
Ilya is going to cry. Ilya is going to sob like a little baby because his boyfriend, who struggles to articulate his thoughts into words, decided that now was the time to be romantic. "You miss my face," Ilya sniffs, wiping away tears that Shane can't see, but can probably guess are there.
Shane allows Ilya to break the mood, laughing in response. "Yes, you asshole, I miss your stupid face."
"I understand, my face is gift," Ilya teases, turning to lay on his side, a soft smile spreading across his face. He feels no need to hide it or keep it from splitting his face open; he is alone here in his Boston home.
They say good night not long after and it leaves Ilya full of love and a devastating longing expanding in his chest. He too misses Shane like a phantom limb. Something once a part of his body that has now been surgically removed, cut off without any desire to have it gone.
He feels silly, maybe a little embarrassed, that they have only been a defined them for a few months and Ilya is already contemplating on what exactly he would be willing to give to be near Shane. He is already determined to follow though with the Ottawa plan; he wants to be closer to Shane and Ottawa is their best bet at doing that. Still, hearing that Shane seems to be feeling the same things? That maybe even with his determination to follow The Plan, he is also wishing that they could already have more.
He misses my face, Ilya thinks, sad and so in love it hurts.
The next morning Ilya is driving to practice, one hand on the wheel and another on his second McGriddle of the morning, and he is so distracted by making sure a slice of bacon doesn't escape from his sandwich that he misses his usual exit. He curses around a mouthful, checking his mirror before taking the next exit, grumbling to himself. He pauses at the light, sticky fingers tapping along to music as he waits for the light to change. He glances at the buildings around him, bored, when he feels himself visibly perk up in delight.
There, on a billboard in Boston, is Shane Hollander. It's an ad he did for Rolex, blown up and gorgeous. Ilya is grinning even as someone beeps behind him, the light having turned green while he was busy admiring his billboard boyfriend. He continues his drive and his mind starts to wander. He understands what Shane meant about seeing his face; they facetime, true, but it is not the same. They don't wake up and immediately see the other there with them. Just this random sighting has lifted Ilya's mood to unimaginable heights. He can't help but feel sad he doesn't do many partnerships; it is a nice thought that Ilya could also be on a billboard somewhere for Shane to see on his commute to his arena.
This thought tickles something in Ilya's brain and he finds himself occupied with it for the rest of the day. Practice is fine in the way practice always is, Ilya only a bit distracted by his simmering thoughts. He specifically chooses to drive the same way home, just to see that billboard with Shane's pretty freckles splashed across it.
Ilya doesn't have anything that would result in him on a billboard, however, maybe he could think a bit smaller? Rare for him, yes, but maybe he can help Shane a little while also getting to tease him.
He occupies his time before their daily call by opening his laptop and carefully looking up to see if his idea is even a thing that can be done. He's seen plenty of them before, mostly at gas stations, but that means they're probably available to purchase. Everything can be bought somewhere on the internet.
He stops his search during their call, his mind focused on something much sexier than a dozen open google chrome tabs, but he makes a decision once they hang up and he's washed his hands.
Ilya selects the image carefully, ensuring the quality matches the site requirements, and dutifully selects Life-Sized when asked. He types in Jane under the name field and enters Shane's actual address.
His smile has grown the closer he gets to actually hitting Purchase and Ilya takes just a moment to contemplate on what he's about to do. Shane misses him, wants to see him every day. The call and text often, facetime when they're guaranteed to be unbothered by their teammates, yet Shane still wanted more of Ilya. Wanted his face to be the first thing he sees in the morning. His smile is so wide he probably looks half demented.
He double checks his purchase, the size, eyes roaming the specific picture he has chosen for anything that would distort or ruin things.
"Perfect," he giggles to himself as he orders a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself in his jersey, sending it right to his poor boyfriend's front door.
Ilya does not plan to warn Shane because as much as this is about providing a weird, but thoughtful, gesture, he is also doing this to mess with Shane.
No heads up, just a box showing up at his door addressed to Jane [NoLastName] from Lily <3.
Ilya waits, follows his routine and Shane's calendar, and tries not to give anything away. The date of delivery was listed as five days after purchase, but Ilya gets a text three days after that sends him into a fit of giggles.
My Jane: What the hell is this?
A picture of the cutout follows the text. It's propped up in Shane's living room, slightly creased from where it was folded in the box. It stares into the camera, his own smug smirk directed back at him.
Ilya: oh, that is me )) we agree my face is a gift, yes?
There is a long pause where Ilya can see Shane has read his text, but says nothing in response. The typing bubble appears once and then goes away, this occurring multiple times, before Shane finally sends his text.
My Jane: I'm going to burn it.
Ilya has to sit down, his laughter bright and thrilled.
Ilya: you will not you miss me remember?
In a shock that delights and thrills Ilya, Shane does not follow through on his threat of burning the cutout. Ilya knows this because two days later he is greeted with the usual good morning text, but it is accompanied by a picture that sends Ilya into a tailspin full of affection for his boyfriend.
The photo shows the cardboard cutout sitting at Shane's kitchen table, a plate of toast in front of it. There is a single bite taken out of the crisp looking slice on the plate. Ilya can see Shane's grotesque smoothie beside it. Shane has taped a piece of paper onto the cutout, using the hockey stick blade to hang it, and has written a message in sharpie.
shane makes the best breakfast
Ilya has to take several moments to breath through his giggles, feeling bubbly and delighted at his boyfriend's humor.
Ilya: the toast looks more burnt than he is. you decide you miss my face after all, Hollander? also he is lying i would never say that
My Jane: I tried, but it looked at me weird. Couldn't go through with it.
Ilya: you were so stunned by handsome cardboard me you could not light match :P
My Jane: Shut up.
Ilya is delighted for days afterwards, flying high not only on Shane's incredulous reception of the cutout, but also pleased with the way he has gone along with Ilya's teasing. Ilya loves it when Shane takes the time and relaxes enough to get playful.
He is still a little surprised when, a week later, another picture is waiting for him.
The cutout is wearing sunglasses now, a pair Ilya recognizes as his own; he must have left them at the cottage and Shane had found them, taking them with him back to Montreal. Shane has managed to wrangle a Montreal hoodie onto the cutout, the piece of clothing sitting funny on the shape of the cutout. He has hilariously threaded the hockey stick through one of the arm holes, a new message taped to it.
don't wait up
Ilya: where is he going
My Jane: None of your business.
Ilya: he is on his way to beat montreal 9-0
My Jane: Fuck you.
Ilya loves this man. So, so much.
It is Canadian Thanksgiving and Ilya is stuck in Boston, unable to move things around in his schedule to see Shane for the holiday. Shane would be spending the day with his parents anyway, and they have yet to return to the discussion of when and how they should be told of their romantic relationship.
Ilya hates it, the way hiding is a necessity that weighs so heavily, but he loves Shane and he agreed to the plan for that exact reason.
He is sitting shirtless on his couch, waiting for the Toronto vs. Detroit game to start, when his phone dings. He unlocks his phone and chokes on his own spit, sound caught in his throat at what he sees.
The cutout is sat at the head of a fancy dining table, various dishes spread out before him. He is wearing the plaid button up Ilya had once borrowed while at the cottage, a brown toque stuffed onto the cutout's head. His plate is piled high with foods Ilya has never seen Shane touch.
i cooked all of this myself
Ilya: is he being a respectful guest
My Jane: He let my dad cut the turkey without any arguments, so I think he's making a good impression.
Ilya, suddenly reminded that Shane's parents were headed to his place for the holiday instead of hosting at their own, and so would be seeing the cutout, hoots with unrestrained delight. The fact Shane hasn't hidden the cutout, that he has dressed it once more and kept it out for his parents to see, makes Ilya's eyes water.
Ilya: i love you
My Jane: I love you too.
Ilya isn't surprised anymore to receive a new photo, simply pleased the purchase has clearly brought Shane some much needed joy.
The next one comes while Ilya is trying to force fake fangs onto his own teeth, grumbling about stupid costumes. He is running late already, supposed to have left for Connors' place half an hour ago for the team Halloween party. The stupid werewolf fangs are unwieldy though, and Ilya is struggling to get them to sit correctly in his mouth. His actual fake teeth were never this hard to deal with.
His phone pings and he glances down, immediately discarding the last fang onto the bathroom counter when he sees it's from Shane. He opens the text and cackles, the sound almost surprising him as he examines the image.
The cutout was clearly dressed as a ghost, a fresh white sheet thrown over it, two badly cut holes allowing for his eyes to be seen and nothing else. The message taped to the stick has been changed again.
boo. did i scare you?
Ilya is still running late, needs to get that last fang in still, so he sends a quick response and smiles for the rest of the time he spends getting ready.
Ilya: (~'o')~
The next photo is by far Ilya's favorite, sent to him as he's packing his bags for a visit to Shane's cottage. Ilya will arrive the day before Christmas, spend the day with Shane, and then entertain himself there when Shane has to go to his parents on actual Christmas Day. He will get Shane all to himself the day after, before they both have to return to their individual homes, the season resuming after the three day break.
The cutout was wearing a Boston Santa hat. Ilya feels gleeful at the idea that Shane spent actual money on Boston themed merch and it heightens his enjoyment of the photo tenfold. There are Christmas lights wrapped carefully around the cutout's shoulders. Shane has taped a printed picture of a mug of hot chocolate over the gloved hand holding the stick upright.
ho ho ho. happy holidays from the 2nd best hockey player
Ilya actually has to put his phone down because he can not stop grinning and his face hurts.
Ilya: finally admitting you are second best i am proud of you
My Jane: No, that's you saying it, not me!
Ilya: cardboard me did not write or send photo, he is only spreading your message
My Jane: Fuck you, you know that's not what I meant!
Ilya: you lose arguments to the cutout too? i know you do it is okay not your thing
Ilya is already waiting to answer the call he knows is coming.
The cutout continues to bring joy into his life even after the New Year. He always loves it when a new photo is sent, the funny little quips and silly outfits that Shane has taken the time to plan and execute.
The bubble of joy he feels is popped abruptly in late January when he learns that Shane's parents aren't the only people in his life who have gotten acquainted with his cardboard counterpart.
Ilya is tagged in the replies of a post on Twitter. It shows the cutout wearing the Christmas outfit from a few weeks ago, though it is a different photo than the one Shane had sent Ilya. It is posted on J.J. Boiziau's account and the caption simply reads: "Shane's new roommate is an asshole."
rozman47: why does Hollander have a cardboard cutout of Roz?
MiMiMoon: Does he pay rent?
hhaynehollyder: jj blink twice if he's holding you hostage
RozesQueen: officialrozanov81 have you seen this?
Ilya almost has a heart attack, worry and panic surfacing instantly at the sight. It is not the post itself that bothers him, nor the knowledge that others would know Shane has it. It is the thought of how scared Shane must be, how worried he is at what people might be thinking when they see this post. Ilya is ready to call Shane, to talk him down from a panic attack, when he notices that Shane has actually left a reply on the post.
ShaneHollanderNHL: I think he looks very polite
Ilya stares at it. Blinks twice before he refreshes the page, stunned that the comment was not a hallucination. Shane has not only responded on the post, but he has engaged with it in a way that wasn't an immediate and harsh dismissal. It is not some statement refusing to associate with the cardboard cutout but a direct interaction that is fun and silly.
Ilya feels something like optimism stir within him. Throughout this entire experience, he has slowly been coming to the conclusion that he does not want to hide as much as he assumed he wanted to. Russia is still a looming threat, that is true, but Ilya can see a future where they hide their love, where they don't come out until after retirement, and he despairs. Ilya would do it, would always follow Shane, but he is afraid to admit that he might be just a bit miserable while doing so.
Ilya doesn't want to hide forever and this makes him feel like maybe Shane is feeling the same things Ilya is, thinking the same thoughts even. That maybe their plan can go past the initial friendly in public conclusion they had come to.
officialrozanov81: very festive, hollander, i like :*
ShaneHollanderNHL: :)