Chapter Text
Seeing the Astral Express had been surreal, but stepping onto the Herta Space Station was an entirely different level of overwhelming. Not in a crippling way - thank whomever for small blessings, Wren supposed - but her eyes were probably going to dry out with how little she was blinking.
"Breathe, Wren," Stelle said, clamping her hand on Wren's shoulder so she didn't jump straight into the ceiling. "If the Space Station does try to eat you, it'll have to take the rest of us with it."
Beside her, Phainon huffed a laugh, though his eyes were already scanning the cargo hold. Whether it was out of awe or just his warrior inclination, Wren couldn't tell. "You seem a bit too excited for that to be a mere joke."
Stelle shrugged. "They research some wild things here, but Herta likes us enough to not leave us digesting for too long… probably."
"Comforting," Wren muttered, vaguely aware that she was tugging on her fingers.
"Ignore her," Dan Heng said, stepping off the Express as the door slid closed behind him. He'd taken what Wren was now calling his 'human form', though she did notice a small dromas figure clipped right next to his express pass. Or maybe it was a tiny plushie. She was too nervous about everything else to waste time asking. "You have nothing to fear."
"Unless you really hate answering questions," Stelle said.
A lump formed in Wren's throat, but she tried to keep her tone light. "As long as they're not about Quantum Physics or Molecular Biology, I should be fine."
Stelle laughed. "What about Chemistry? Mathematics? The History of the Great Cosmic Empire?"
"…I could probably give them a passable cake recipe if they push hard enough."
Phainon glanced at her, lips twitching with amusement he seemed like he was trying to hide. "If Professor Anaxa is anything to go by, I doubt cake will be enough to win them over."
She sighed. "You're probably right. Maybe you could whip up a salad instead."
Wren wouldn't have thought much about that comment had she not noticed the quizzical look Phainon gave her. Fortunately, Stelle’s cackling was loud enough to distract him. “I still remember when you challenged Mydei to go vegetarian for a week,” She said between fits of giggles. “You both made it a collective three days.”
“I still won,” Phainon said with a hint of pride. “Though I’ll never understand his aversion to spinach, of all things.”
Stelle gave him a dismissive wave. "Worse case, I can come back for Vigethos; nobody can say no to a chimera as cute as him."
"That should be a last resort," Phainon said. "Wake him up too soon and he'll just be grumpy."
"Like owner, like chimera, huh."
"Says the woman with a gelatinous Trash Cat."
Dan Heng interrupted. "Did you message Asta?"
"Yep, she's on the way," Stelle said. "But, while we wait…" Without any warning or fan fare, she grabbed both Wren and Phainon's wrists and yanked, dragging them both as she walked away. Wren wasn't sure what was more impressive: that she'd managed to stay on her feet or that Stelle had startled Phainon enough that even he stumbled. "Got something you'll want to see!" Stelle shouted back before either could protest, loud enough that nearly everyone Wren could see jumped in freight.
Phainon laughed. "You could have…" he trailed off as Stelle pulled them both around the front of the Express. She dropped their hands and gave a dramatic swing of her arms as she stepped to the side. "Ta da!"
Wren's breath caught as she was struck with the sheer beauty before her. It was a sight she'd seen in game plenty of times, and she'd understood the scale as well as anyone else might. But right now, as she stared at that massive, brilliant blue planet surrounded by the vast cosmos of glistening stars, she was mesmerized and humbled all over again.
"That is truly an incredible sight," Phainon murmured.
Wren hummed in agreement suddenly aware of the nervous energy racing through her at such a magnificent view. It had been years since she'd felt such an intense urge to do something, even though she still wasn't certain what exactly this body was capable of. Her legs were eager to run, undeterred by her fears that she wouldn't make it very far. Her fingers twitched with the need to hold something; a pencil, a paintbrush, a cup of water, it didn't matter. Even her heart was pounding a bit harder than before, as if it, too, was energized by this reminder of the vast world she was now living in.
She heard Phainon release a long, rather shaky breath. "Can we take a few steps back?" He waved what looked like a cellphone at her with a nervous smile. "I want to send Mydei a picture."
"Of course," she said. "Pick whatever spot works best, I'll make sure to adjust."
He nodded, giving her plenty of time to follow while he scanned the area. "Over there," he pointed to a pair of benches and Wren swapped sides so he wouldn't have to keep walking backwards.
"The slack on this thing is terribly inconsistent," Wren said as he hopped up on the bench. The height difference alone was enough to pull her further than expected, and she had to hold her arm up so he could actually take the picture, but it was more forgiving than when they first met. Even when he'd passed out there hadn't been much to work with, and Stelle had laughed a little too much trying to find a spot he could rest without risking a really awkward conversation once he woke up. Thankfully, once Wren convinced Stelle she was fine just sitting on the floor, the link loosened enough that she was able to play fetch with Vigethos so he wouldn't anxiously pace until Phainon woke up.
"I'm sure we'll figure it out," he said, tilting his phone in half-a-dozen different ways, eyes narrowing with each one. When he did find the perfect angle - which, in Wren's opinion, wasn't too far off from where he'd started - he broke out in a grin and tapped the screen a few times. "Perfect," he said, though Wren looked away as he typed out his message. While Phainon had taken this whole situation in stride, Wren didn't want him to feel like she was some looming busybody. Considering the way his eyes had lit up each time he said Mydei's name, Wren assumed the relationship portrayed in game was mostly accurate, though she certainly wasn't going to pry. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what Phainon had told Mydei, if anything. She couldn't imagine how one might start that conversation in the first place. Hey best-friend-probably-more of mine. Let me introduce you to this girl I don't know who can't get further than five feet from me. Yes, its exactly as weird as it sounds.
Wren resisted the urge to sigh. She didn't feel guilty, per say. It's not like she had any part in planning this, but she did feel bad for the inconvenience. She had nothing left to lose and everything to gain by coming here. He… well. She didn't really know how exactly he felt about it yet. Even if there had been time to discuss things, it might not matter once Herta and Screwellum were done.
She flinched at the reminder of who, exactly, they were here to see. Wren didn't have a clue what they might ask or what kind of experiments Herta might want to run, nor did she know what exactly she should tell them. Hadn't Herta not believed Welt when he mentioned coming from another world? She couldn't recall for certain, but surely that was less strange than her situation. She didn't want to lie to them either, but what was actually important here? Seeing Fuli, probably. But aside from that… Did her past self really matter now?
"Are you nervous?"
She jumped, letting out a breathy, embarrassed chuckle as Phainon raised his eyebrow. "I… probably?" She sighed, leaning on the railing as she glanced over the bridge. On the other side, a pink haired woman and a shorter man were power walking towards them, either trying to maintain some professionalism or just so she didn't trip on those heels. "There they are," she murmured.
"The people Stelle mentioned?”
She nodded. "The woman's name is Asta. She technically doesn't own the Space Station, but she handles most everything for Herta. The person next to her is Arlan: Asta’s 'right hand man' so to speak. Aside from them though…" she frowned, glancing at the other researchers nearby. "I didn't get to explore the Space Station the same way I did…" she trailed off, realizing how crazy she sounded. Sure, she told them about Memory of Chaos, and Stelle had made the connection from there, but she hasn't outright told Phainon yet. Just another thing she just didn't know what to do with.
"This world was part of a game to you, right?"
She glanced up as Phainon leaned on the railing, expression more curious than disbelieving. Wren hesitated, but not for long. No point in lying; especially not to the one person who was stuck with her for the foreseeable future. "Yes," she said, letting her eyes drift back to Asta and Arlan as they reached the Express. "It followed Stelle's adventures on the Astral Express, though I can't be certain how accurate it all was without some serious reading or note comparisons."
"So that's why…" He trailed off with a thoughtful hum.
"Why… what?"
"I saw you watching…" he paused. Then, "moments from my life."
Wren winced. "Well that doesn't make me sound creepy at all."
He laughed, and Wren was both relieved and baffled to hear it. "Maybe it says more about me that I'm not too bothered by it."
Wren bit back her first thought, though she wondered if something similar had crossed his mind: better than a certain Intellitron. "Well I wouldn't blame you if you did."
"I am curious, though," he said. "You said I'm taking everything well, but you don't seem too bothered by any of this either."
Wren paused, surprised. She hadn't really thought about it that way, but… "I have some concerns," she said. "Lingering doubts. Lots of questions. No real answers.
"It would probably be more concerning if you didn't, all things considered.”
"True. I just…" she trailed off, tapping her fingers on the railing as she searched for the right words. How much did he know? If he saw her playing through Amphoreus, then he must have seen her time in the hospital. The light cone had shown one of the last memories before her death, and the body she had in this world was nothing like the one she'd left behind. But did he already know why that might be? Maybe he hadn't really considered the specifics at all, as the 'how' she got here didn't really matter. She could tell him. There wasn't any reason not to. And yet… the words lodged in her throat, blocked by a spike in anxiety, as if speaking the truth would bring everything crashing down.
Instead, she said, "If I let doubt or fear slow me down, then I'll end up wasting this life before it’s even begun. And that is a regret I don't think I would be able to come back from."
Even though Wren didn't look up, she knew Phainon was watching her. And yet, perhaps ironically, the anxiety in her chest eased in the silence. "Well said."
"Phainon! Wren!" Stelle's voice echoed throughout the cargo hold as she waved them over. "Arlan needs our help with an unusually rowdy experiment, but Asta's offered to escort you to Herta personally."
"If you are comfortable with that," Dan Heng said with a brief look in Stelle's general direction. "They likely do not need both of us right away."
Something sudden settled in her stomach. Anxiety, maybe? That made the most sense but it felt… strange in a way that Wren couldn't quite put her finger on. "What do you think?" Phainon said, keeping his voice low. "You know more about Herta than I do."
"Debatable," Wren said. "But I trust Dan Heng and Stelle. So if they aren't worried…"
He nodded, though Wren noticed the extended breath he took before turning back to the others. "We'll be fine; please lead the way, Miss Asta."
Her face turned a rather impressive shade of red. "Just Asta is fine! And we should probably hurry before Madam Herta gets impatient."
As Arlan and Dan Heng went one way and Asta moved toward the bridge, Stelle intercepted Phainon and Wren. "If you need anything, do not hesitate to call."
It was the most serious she'd been since they arrived, but it was gone just as quickly as she took some impressively large steps backwards and gave them a salute. "Don't worry you two! I'm pretty sure Herta doesn't bite."
As she jogged back to Dan Heng side, Wren said, "Her pep talks leave a lot to be desired."
"Only when she knows everything's going to be okay." Phainon said.
"Guess there's no reason for us to worry then, huh?"
"No, though we probably shouldn't keep Herta waiting."
"Madam Herta, by the way," Wren said before she realized it. Before he could say anything, she added, "It's the title she prefers… assuming she's the same Herta I remember.”
He chuckled. "Noted."
By the end of Asta's impromptu tour, Wren was convinced she was feeling something more than her own anxiety.
At first, nothing seemed amiss. The information Asta shared was genuinely interesting. Phainon was eagerly asking questions, and Wren appreciated the chance to just immerse herself like any visitor would. It helped somewhat that the Herta Space Station was one of the few maps that the previous account's owner had explored extensively, so her knowledge was limited to Let's Play videos and wandering purely for the sake of it. But even she could tell this was far more expansive than the game had been able to show. She didn't want to imagine how confusing things would have been had they started in a place like Amphoreus.
Once they reached the empty hallways, however, things shifted. The nerves didn't surprise her. She was, after all, about to meet two geniuses who had every right to question everything about her existence in their world with no answers to give them. But there was more there now. Feelings she couldn't quite name, prickling at the back of her mind in a way that was oddly disconnected. Still easy to ignore, but more persistent than before.
That was, until they stopped in front of a door with the words "Expedited Clinical Laboratory" emblazoned in dark purple. And Asta, with too much cheer and too little awareness, just said, “Madam Herta asked if we could run through a few tests to give her more to work with.”
Wren didn't miss how still Phainon went at those words, as if he'd simply stopped breathing and didn't have any need to start again. That lingering anxiety Wren had chalked up to her own nerves was devoured by a pit of dread that made her lightheaded. “What kind of tests…?” Phainon said, keeping his tone carefully neutral. It was impressive, considering how tense his jaw was, but Wren was distracted by the way her heart was pounding just a bit harder than it should be.
She'd experienced panic attacks before, but this… was something else. It seemed more like her body was reacting to dread that her mind hadn't acknowledged yet. What's happening?
“Just a few vials of blood and a couple scans," Asta said, beaming as if she'd just offered winning lottery tickets. "You’ll be done before you know it.”
Wren didn't mean to laugh, though, thankfully, the sudden surge of disbelief chased off most of the dread. If the Trickery Titan himself popped out of Phainon's pocket to gloat about how he'd managed to orchestrate such delicious irony, Wren would both believe and applaud him for it. "Everyone who's ever said that to me is either a well-intentioned liar or has no concept of time." She said.
Asta, to her credit, crossed her heart and said, "I promise! All you have to do is sit down, roll up your sleeves, and we'll handle the rest."
Wren just shook her head at the absurdity of it all. "And here I thought I was done with all this."
Beside her, she saw Phainon take a deep breath, pausing for a moment before letting it go. Most of the tension she could see followed suit, though it didn't ease the weary look on his face. "If it is truly that simple…"
"You'll barely even notice," Asta said.
That too, was something Wren could have disagreed with, but her thoughts were very much overshadowed with concern for him. It was obvious that Phainon was trying very hard to not let whatever he was feeling show. Maybe he was even mad at himself for letting anything slip through at all. Wren didn't like making assumptions based purely on what she would be feeling, but she recognized the hesitance, and it didn't take her long to guess what might be causing it. The Astral Express Crew trusts Herta… but to him, she's just another genius, chosen by the same Aeon as Lygus.
"Can you give us a moment, Miss Asta?" Wren said.
Asta blinked, possibly caught off guard by the title. Though with another quick glance between them, she nodded and pulled a card out of her pocket. "There's a small observation deck at the end of the hall, if you'd like. Beautiful view, and no one will bother you. Just come back when you're ready."
Wren accepted the card and turned to Phainon. "Would that be alright with you?"
His only response was a nod, though he didn't hesitate to follow. Silence fell between them, though Wren wasn't really bothered by it. She would have been once, back when she was much younger and was terrified that losing her hearing meant she'd never be able to talk to anyone ever again. By the time she met Cynthia, silence was such a constant companion that Wren stopped feeling the urge to break it. A small part of her was surprised that hadn't changed around Phainon considering how attached she'd gotten to his story, but maybe that just made things easier.
It didn’t take long to find the room Asta was talking about: a small, rather cozy space with seating along the giant window looking over the same planet as before. After Wren sat down, Phainon stayed standing, arms crossed, staring out the window with a look she couldn’t quite read.
Wanting to help but not sure how, Wren said, "Do you want to call Mydei?"
He paused, and Wren could tell he was seriously considering it, only to shake his head. "I don't want him to worry."
Stelle probably would have pushed; Wren didn't think she'd earned that level of candidness quite yet. "Well, if you need someone to talk to, I'm happy to listen." When he didn't reply, she added. "Or not. Silence is fine too since you don't… really know me and all."
She saw the faintest smile on his face, even though he still wasn't looking at her. "I appreciate it."
Relieved, she let the silence lapse once more. This time, though, a new memory surfaced: the night she'd witnessed the horror of the Eternal Recurrances. At least, as much as a game could possibly show her. Cynthia warned her that it would be difficult, but with how numb she'd been to everything else, it hadn't deterred her. In that sense the grief had been a sort of catharsis she'd sorely needed, even if she didn't immediately realize it. It was the first time in months that she'd felt so deeply for something… and the first time she realized how bitter she, too, had become.
How do I keep going… when there's nothing waiting for me?
Wren knew the struggles of her first life didn't compare to his, nor was she trying to. But she wondered if it would be enough to offer some… understanding to what he was going through. Was that even fair to say? Her life… her death… while tragic, had been relatively simple. Her isolation had been an unfortunate outcome of a bad situation. His was drenched in violence he'd been forced to relive over and over and over again.
Is this a second chance for you too? Or just another unwanted obligation?
She chewed at the inside of her lip as she looked away. That wasn't a thought she wanted to entertain right now, though the prolonged silence wasn't doing her any favors. But if that's what he needed, then…
"This shouldn't bother me,” he said, though it took Wren a moment to hear it.
"If anxiety was that easy to solve,” she said, “The world would be a much better place."
She heard a hint of a laugh, though she could see how exhausted he was. Phainon hadn’t had much time to sleep on the Express, and she knew he’d woken up in some kind of nightmare, though she wasn’t one to pry. The same probably would have happened to her if she’d actually dozed.
"Would you like to hear a story?" She said, "It might not be the most entertaining thing in the world, but I can guarantee at least one laugh."
He glanced at her. "That's a bold promise."
"Or a smile, at the very least."
His lips twitched in clear amusement. "Sure."
It was probably ironic that was the moment that the butterflies forever nestled in her stomach decided to stir, but Wren ignored them. "When I was a kid - 7? 8? Some time around there - I hated going to doctor appointments. Which was really unfortunate because I always had at least one a week. Two if the world decided I was a bit too happy for its liking." She paused, relieved that he already looked much better. Maybe even invested in this grand tale of hers.
Emboldened, she continued: “It wasn’t that I found them boring since I was one of those kids who asked way too many questions and was eager to understand whatever I could. I didn’t even really mind the clinics themselves, as I have many good memories of flipping through old magazines or discussing brain teasers with my Dad while we waited the inevitable hours it would take to see someone. Instead, there were three things I hated more than anything: the needles they used to take my blood, meeting someone new who would immediately do the exact same tests as everyone else, and- worst of them all- the dreaded MRI machine.”
He looked at her now with genuine curiosity. “That is not a term I’m familiar with.”
“Its short for ‘magnetic resonance imaging’ which, quite frankly, means about as much to me now as it did back then. Think of it as this giant tube surrounded by magnets that, when turned on, can ‘see’ and take rather detailed images of the inside of someone’s body. I couldn’t begin to tell you how it works. There’s probably some sort of divine magic involved. All I knew was that it was very loud, and it always felt way too small, even as a kid. By that point, I’d only had to do it once, and I panicked so badly they had to knock me unconscious just so they could finish.”
A pitying look crossed his eyes. “That sounds pretty miserable.”
“So you won’t be surprised to hear that I was not at all happy when this brand new doctor with glasses bigger than my forehead walked in, immediately demanded a blood sample, and told my father that I had to get a new MRI before anyone else could see me.”
She heard him choke back a laugh. “Glasses bigger than your forehead?”
Wren shrugged. “It stuck with me. That and his awful, fish smelling breath. All around a very unpleasant person to be around.”
“Reminds me of one of the noblemen in Okhema I always had to deal with,” Phainon said as he sat down beside her; still stiff, but improving. “Grumpy all the time. Ate way too much garlic,” he grimaced. “I was the only one willing to tolerate him for longer than a minute or two.”
“Exactly. I was relieved when I didn’t have to see him again.” Wren paused to regather her thoughts. "At first, the doctors considered just putting me to sleep again, but my Dad was worried that would just lead to bigger problems in the future. What if I needed a test where they couldn't just put me to sleep until it was done? He didn't want me to spend my whole life terrified. So, unbeknowst to me, he requested that they push everything back for an extra week so he could figure something out."
"He sounds like a good father," Phainon said, his tone soft.
A pang of sadness settled in Wren's chest, but she just nodded. "That's why he came up with the perfect plan. The day I was meant to get the MRI, he parked in the furthest spot possible and said he had someone he wanted me to meet.”
Now she could tell he was hooked. “He reached into the back and handed me this blue gift bag I hadn’t noticed. And inside was a stuffed penguin.”
That surprised him. “A penguin?” She nodded. “Stelle showed me a few pictures from one of the planets she visited, but I’ve never seen one myself.”
“I thought he was huge as a kid, but he was… maybe the size of your hand? But quite rotund.”
He glanced at his hand and nodded, thoughtfully. Wren continued. “My Dad told me that this penguin also needed an MRI, but this was his first time, and he was really scared to do it alone. So the doctor had agreed that this was a special case and, as long as I was okay with it, they’d let the penguin get his scan at the same time as me.”
Phainon’s eyes widened. “That’s… actually quite clever.”
"Admittedly, I was probably a bit too old for that to work as easily as it did. But I didn't want to let my Dad down, so of course I agreed."
"Of course," Phainon said, smiling faintly. “Your new friend was counting on you too.”
Wren bit back her own laugh and pushed on. "When the nurse called my name, I scooped up my little penguin and loudly proclaimed to my father that I could handle it on my own, because I wanted my new friend to see that we didn't need my Dad to be brave. I marched right back there, head held high… until the nurse asked me the one question I hadn't considered," She paused again for dramatic effect. "What's his name?"
Phainon snorted and barely managed to force out a "Oh no."
"I was horrified," she said with a solemn nod. "Dad hadn't told me his name, but if I went back out there to ask, then I might lose all of my courage. So, panicked and running out of time, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: Penguini."
Phainon lost it, bursting out with such genuine laughter that it was a miracle Wren held herself together. "Penguini!?" He said, gasping for air.
"In my defense," Wren said, trying desperately to hold back the giggles bubbling up in her throat. "it was my mother who taught me the word 'Panini' that morning, unaware that it would be forever immortalized in the grand tale of one brave little penguin."
He tried to catch his breath; it was only moderately successful. "What did… the nurse…?"
"In hindsight, she probably thought I was crazy, but I was so proud of myself that I assumed she was simply awestruck by my creativity."
When that just made him laugh harder, Wren lost her own battle. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but when both managed to catch their breaths after a few valiant attempts, Phainon wiped a tear from his eye. "Apologies. It's been a long time since I've laughed like that."
Wren grinned. "I did promise at least one."
He chuckled, though his smile softened a bit. "So what, pray tell, happened to Penguini after that?"
Wren hummed, giving herself a moment to breathe before continuing. "I took him to all of my appointments, and most of the nurses and doctors I met handled it very well. If I ever had something I didn't understand, they'd use Penguini to explain it. There was this one time a few years later when they needed to put me to sleep for a minor procedure. I was really nervous, as I'd never done it before, but while the doctor was setting everything up, the nurse pretended that she had to get Penguini ready too She even had this tiny mask to cover his beak and a sewing needle she used to mirror the needle they needed to put in my arm, all while explaining what I was feeling." She couldn't help but smile at the memory, as silly as I was. "The last thing I remember her saying was that everything was going to be fine, because Penguini was going to be right there when I woke up."
"And it helped?"
She nodded. "I kept Penguini with me for most of my life. Not because I needed a reason to be brave, but because he reminded me of all those people who had helped throughout the years… I owed it to them to live the best life I could."
There was a long pause before he, somewhat hesitantly, said, "You said you kept him for… most of your life, right?" She nodded. "Did… something happen?"
"I asked my Dad to pass him along when my little brother was born," she said. "While I hoped he wouldn't need as much help as I did, it still felt… right. Like I was giving my brave little penguin a new purpose when there wasn't much left he could do for me."
"Then your father's plan was a success," he said. "You taught your little penguin how to be brave."
She didn't know why that gave her pause. "I… hadn't thought of it like that."
"In that case," Phainon said as adjusted his coat and offered his hand. "If you and little Penguini can be that brave, then I really have no excuse."
Wren stared at him, unsure if she should lean into the humor or not. "It's okay to be afraid, Phainon."
She caught the flicker of surprise before he masked it. "Maybe Penguini sent you here, like you passed him on to your brother."
Before Wren could reconsider, her mouth said, "Based on how easily you picked me up yesterday, I probably weigh as much to you as Penguini did for me."
He laughed, but caught himself and cleared his throat. "Regardless… Thank you."
Wren couldn't help but smile. "Just happy to help."