Archive of Our Own

“The suspect then proceeded to take control of the gun and shot himself in the face,” Andrew recalled monotonously from the small podium in the briefing room. “Any questions?”

“Why is it always the cute ones that die?” Nicky whined. 

“Gross, Nicky.” Allison chided. Her feet were kicked up on the desk in front of her. “The man is dead, at least call him hot! It’s the least you can do!”

Andrew looked around the room before wordlessly moving to sit back down. Dan cleared her throat. “Okay, now that you’ve all been updated on Minyard's…” She searched for the right word. “Case.” She seemed to settle on. “Let’s move on.” She shot a pointed look at Allison and Nicky and received matching eye rolls.  “Does anyone else have something to present?” 

No one volunteered, so she nodded. “Okay! That’s great, I’ll get right to it then! As you know, after last month's incident, some questions were raised about the tensions that tend to arise within our team.” Her wording was careful and professional, but everyone knew what she was referring to. They all swore the prank war was well-spirited, but it did escalate a little bit. Add to that Andrew’s stabby tendencies, and you’ve got a recipe for a mountain of HR complaints from bystanders.

“As such, Captain Waymack has signed off on an off-the-clock team-building exercise.” Groans sounded around the room. She silenced them all with a sharp hand gesture. “While you will not be getting paid, it is mandatory. Especially for you, Minyard!” 

Andrew huffed. You set one printer on fire, and suddenly, you’re the root of all issues.

“What’s the activity, Dan?” Asked Renee politely.

“Paintball!” She announced excitedly.

Aaron groaned. “That's sick!” Exclaimed Matt.

“So what you’re saying is I can shoot all of you?” Andrew asked while examining his nails.

“This is America,” Allison said. “You can always shoot us, even if you weren’t a cop.” 

“Fair point.” Andrew responded as if he were considering it.

Dan glazed past his comment with ease. “As this is a social event, you are all encouraged to bring your spouses or partners. Think of this like an office party but less lame!”

“Anything involving you all is lame.” Murmured Aaron. “Also, why am I here? I’m not even a cop.” He asked louder.

“Being a cop is a state of mind! I don’t have a badge either, but I fit right in.” Nicky exclaimed.

“One, being a cop is not a state of mind, Nicky.” Dan sighed. “And two, you’re here because despite the fact that you work in the basement, you somehow end up meddled in all the shit that goes on up here.” She explained to Aaron.

“Is there an award?” Asked Kevin. “For the winner.” He elaborated unnecessarily. Everyone in the office was sick of him boasting about his scholar shooting skills; if he brings up his score again, Andrew might stab him.

“Yes, actually,” Dan responded, happy that at least that seemed to pique everyone's attention. “The winner will receive a trophy as well as a $200 voucher to a restaurant of their choosing.”

“Who’s financing this?” Asked Allison doubtfully.

“That doesn’t matter!” Snapped Dan, sensing they were getting off topic. “It’s taking place next Saturday. You’ll all receive an email with the address so you can carpool or something. If you don’t show up, I will personally make your life a living hell.” She said through a cheery smile.

“You’re so hot.” Murmured Matt with heart eyes. 

“That’s sexual harassment in the workplace, honey.” She chided softly.

“Sorry.”

“You just threatened a room full of police officers.” Observed Kevin. “If anything happens to me during this stupid paintball thing, I want you to know I’ll sue your ass.”

“Where’s your proof?” Smiled Dan sweetly. Kevin looked around the room.

“I’ll testify against him.” Offered Allison immediately and sent Dan an air kiss. Kevin looked to Andrew, desperately.

“I’m not a narc.” He said simply.

“You’re a cop!” Kevin exclaimed. “You are the definition of a narc!”

“Snitches get stitches.” Said Renee calmly and somehow pleasantly.

Kevin groaned. Dan cleared her throat. “Okay! That’s all! You’re all dismissed.”

…

Dan, Matt, Allison, and Renee all ended up driving together. The paintball field was just outside city limits, and none of them had any plus-ones, so it worked out best. When they arrived, they were greeted by Aaron and his wife, Kaitlyn, as well as Nicky and his husband, Eric. 

They still had to wait for Andrew and Kevin, so they filled the wait with polite small talk. Nicky and Eric had been married before Nicky joined them at the precinct, but Aaron met Kaitlyn on a case. Their relationship had been subject to many bets and wagers, as well as threats of violence from Andrew, but they somehow still made it.

A worker greeted them. “Hi, guys!” She was cheerful and professional. “My boss let me know you’re a police squad, so you won’t need a tutorial, but since we have some time, would anyone still like one?” 

Aaron and Kaitlyn volunteered, and so did Eric. Even though Nicky was not a police officer but, in fact, Waymack's assistant, he claimed that growing up in the South prepared him enough.

“Okay!” Their guide clapped her hands once they all returned. It was now one minute until they were supposed to start. “Are you all ready?”

“Actually, we’re still missing-” Dan was cut off by Andrew’s sudden arrival.

“No one.” He said.

The entire group turned to see the new arrivals. They expected to see a stoic Andrew and a Kevin ripping him a new one for being late. What they did not expect was the red-headed stranger standing next to them.

He was short, only a little taller than the Minyards, and had some concerning scars on his face. He was wearing tight black pants that were not leggings but also were not not leggings and a long-sleeved dark navy shirt.

“Oh,” Dan said eloquently. “Who’s your friend, Kevin?” She asked quickly.

Kevin looked at her like she had just personally offended his newborn baby. Aaron seemed to finally tune back into reality because he took one look at the new guy and groaned dramatically.

“Really, Andrew?” He borderline whined. “You brought him?” He gestured towards the redhead, who just crossed his arms and smirked in response to being talked about.

“You brought Kaitlyn,” Andrew answered his brother in a bored tone. “And I want to win.” He added seemingly as an afterthought, causing Aaron to groan again.

“Hello, Neil.” Surprisingly, it was Renee who addressed their guest. She spoke with calm familiarity. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Likewise,” He answered her. “Though I do wish it could’ve been under different circumstances.” He said, which for some reason made Renee smile playfully.

“Ok!” Dan said a little louder. “Hi, Neil, I’m assuming. I’m Dan, I’m the lieutenant down at the precinct.” She introduced herself.

“I’m Allison,” Allison said with a dainty wave before he could respond. “How do you know our sweet Renee?”

Neil’s eyes flickered between the two women before a slightly feral grin took over his face. “Nice to meet you. I’m Andrew’s husband.” 

“You’re what?!” Matt forced a cough before he was even finished. “I mean, we didn’t know Andrew was married.” He corrected himself, getting an encouraging pat on the back from an equally shocked Dan.

“Or gay!” Exclaimed Nicky with a look of betrayal.

Andrew looked at him. “I don’t know what you’re surprised about. I’ve told you about Neil before.”

“I didn’t think you were being serious!” Nicky yelled, flailing his hands around. 

“How could you not think he was serious about a husband?” Matt asked. He himself took every opportunity to let anyone who’d listen know about his wonderful wife, Dan. 

“He asked me if I could ‘watch the kids’ so ‘him and his husband’ could go to Aspen!” Nicky recalled, flailing his arms around dramatically. “He didn’t even pause his knife throwing-“ Then he suddenly stopped. “Wait. Do you actually have kids?!”

Neil smirked. “Yes.” Nicky blanched, letting out an inhuman sound.

“Their names are Sir Fatcat McCatterson and King Fluffkins.” Andrew provided, unfazed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Nicky shrieked.

“I did.” Andrew repeated. Nicky squeaked again.

Andrew just shrugged; that wasn’t his problem.

“You thought a work paintball tournament would be a good place to introduce your husband to your cousin?” Asked Allison, arching a brow.

“I want to win.” Andrew just repeated in answer.

Matt laughed a little uncomfortably. “Yeah, but we’re all highly trained officers so…”

“Are you also a cop?” Allison asked Neil.

He smiled at her; it was a little creepy. “I’m an accountant.” He said with a twinkle in his eye.

“That’s fine!” Said Dan, steering the topic. “Katelyn and Eric aren’t cops either.”

“Oh my gosh, Lieutenant, did I just hear you imply I’m a cop?” Shrieked Nicky. “Are you finally accepting me?”

“No-” Dan started, tiredly.

The worker, who had been awkwardly standing there the whole time, cleared her throat. “Can we start now, officers?”

They were all led to a small changing room where they were instructed on how to put on protective gear, and then outside, where they were handed the paint guns. 

“Now, you can either play in teams or each player for themselves,” The worker explained.

“We should play individually.” Kevin cut him off. “Whatever team I’m on would have an unfair advantage.” 

“If we play in teams, I request to be put on whatever team he’s not on. So I can shoot him.” Said Allison.

Dan clapped her hands. “Individual it is.” 

“Yes, I think that’s best.” The worker agreed. 

He unlocked the gate into the big playing field. It was fenced off high, but big enough so that you couldn’t see the entire perimeter from the entrance. There were a lot of man-made structures: fake walls, fences, shipping containers, as well as molts and sandbags, but also a fair bit of natural forestation obstructing the view. It looked like an abandoned, overgrown city. 

“Cool.” Neil said, reloading his gun.

Kevin narrowed his eyes at him. “No cheating.” He pointed a finger at him. “This is a clean game with rules and-“

“Actually,” The worker cut off. “There are no rules. The winner is the last person standing, but other than that, it’s whatever you want it to be.” 

Kevin deflated, and Neil sent him a smug look. The worker quickly backtracked. “Please don’t hurt each other! That’s what the waver was for, and I cannot stress this enough, it only covers any damage sustained from the paintballs.” He explained, sending worried looks between them.

Neil ignored him. “Ha! Hear that, Kevin? This is a street fight.” He smirked smugly at him.

Kevin looked to Andrew. “You’re all dead.” Andrew said, looking around at all of them.

“Again, please don’t do anything excessive-“

“Yes, yes, no violence. We’re all adults here. Can we start?” Neil talked over him.

The worker looked scared, but didn’t try to say anything else. He went over a few last technical rules before booking it out of there and locking the door behind himself.

A loud buzzer went off, signaling that their time to scatter around the field had begun. The timer for five minutes visible on the big screen above the door. 

“Where’s Neil?” Matt asked, making everyone look over to the space next to Andrew, where the redhead had stood just a moment ago. No trace of him.

They all looked around, but he was nowhere in sight.

Aaron groaned. “I hate him.” He grumbled and started walking off in one direction. Andrew looked smug.

Dan wondered for the first time if there really was something to the creepy accountant. Still, there’s no way he could beat a police squad. Right?

Even though there technically were no teams, they still split off into groups. Katelyn, Eric, and Nicky scrambled after Aaron, while Matt, Dan, Allison, and Renee split off in the other direction.

Kevin looked at Andrew. “You’re on your own.” Andrew said, setting off without looking at him. Kevin huffed, but didn’t wait around, jogging away.

The teams managed to get decently far enough away from each other, scattered across the playing field.

…

Aaron realised pretty quickly that by deciding to follow him, his idiot cousin had accidentally created a team without a single cop on it. He decided that the best course of action was to find a secure base they could defend.

There was a tall structure somewhere in the middle of the map, made up of a few shipping containers stacked on top of each other. It was big and didn’t have that many openings, so he ushered them inside. 

As much as he loathed to admit it, he wasn’t good with a gun, and he wasn’t sure how good a shot anyone else was. Luckily, they had the home base advantage, but that could only help them so much.

“Who’s a good shot?” He asked.

Nicky raised his hand. “I can shoot anything with pinpoint accuracy. My dad showed me how to use a gun before he taught me how to shave.” 

Katelyn sent him a pitying look, and Eric stroked his back.

“Shoot that,” Aaron told him, pointing to a discarded can on the floor.

“You got it.” Nicky winked and aimed, then proceeded to miss by at least a foot.

“Great.” Aaron grimaced. “You’re on lookout, there’s three floors, go to the second one, there are windows.” He instructed. “Erik, you and Katelyn stay here and patrol the perimeter.”

“And you?” The German asked. 

“I’ll go up to the roof and shoot at anyone I can see approaching.” Everyone nodded.

The base was tall enough to give Aaron a view of the entire field, at least the parts not covered by forest. He crouched behind a half wall and aimed his gun to look through the crosshairs.

The field was quiet. A few minutes passed before he saw Dan crouch-walking her way across the field.

He aimed, then readjusted his gun, trying to get a good angle. 

Suddenly, something obstructed his view. He took his eye away from the crosshair and saw bubbles floating up in front of him. 

“What the-“ Just then, he heard Katelyn scream, followed by two shots and the sound of running.

He picked his gun back up and ran downstairs, where Nicky was supposed to be, only to find the floor empty. He looked around and, before he realised what was happening, felt a paint-filled bullet platter against his chest.

“Fuck!” He yelled, angry, and dropped his gun to the ground.

In front of him stood Josten, smirking, and holding his paint gun slung across his body in an infuriatingly casual manner. 

“Aaron?” He heard Nicky call out from the direction of the stairs. He didn’t have time to tell him to run before he heard another shot fired.

“Shit!” Nicky yelled, startled, looking down at where the light blue paint stained his chest.

“I told you to stay on lookout!” He groaned at his cousin. “Why did you let Josten past you?” 

“Minyard-Josten.” The smug asshole corrected. 

“I don’t know! I saw Kate go outside, so I went to stop her, but when I got there, they were both dead!” He whined.

Aaron turned to Josten. The bastard winked at him as he revealed the tube of bubbles in his pocket. “The power of distraction!” He stage whispered.

“Fuck you, how did you even get those in here?” Aaron accused.

“What are you, a cop?” He sneered.

Nicky burst out laughing. Aaron turned to give him a betrayed look. Josten was an annoying asshole, and he did not need to be indulged.

When he turned back around, Neil was gone again.

Nicky stared in awe. “Did he jump out the window?” He wondered, running up the opening in the wall and looking around. Josten was no doubt gone already. 

Aaron grunted and pulled Nicky away, dragging their defeated team back to the entrance.

…

Dan, Matt, Allison, and Renee stayed huddled together. Dan had decided on a strategy of divide and conquer. Starting with the civilians. Andrew would be playing dirty, so it was better to keep it within the squad. It would be more fun that way. 

Kevin was dessert. They all wanted to see him lose, probably more than they wanted to win. It’s the important things that matter. 

They stayed on the move, approaching this as they would any other ambush. 

They followed Aaron's group to their hideout in the tower. Dan motioned for them to scatter and circle the perimeter.

Aaron was on the roof as a sniper. 

“Shit!” She let out, ducking as he looked in her direction. 

They didn’t seem to suspect anything. It was the perfect time to approach. 

She motioned to Matt.

They both froze when they heard shots being fired and saw Aaron abandon his post and run downstairs, followed by more shots.

Dan looked at Matt, who shrugged. 

Has someone else already gotten to them? 

Just then, barely believing her own eyes, she saw Neil scale the wall and jump on two feet. She scrambled to aim, but he was already gone the next moment.

Then she heard another shot and looked over to see Matt with a blue streak on his shoulder, clutching it.

She ran to hide behind a pile of rubble.

She couldn’t see Renee anywhere, but Allison was sprinting away. She was fast, already halfway across the field, about to cross the pond.

She couldn’t see the ginger anywhere, but wherever he was, Allison was already out of his reach. 

It was an impossible shot. 

Dan watched in disbelief as Allison was hit from god knows where and fell to her knees by the moat. 

“Fuck!” Allison cursed in the distance, grabbing at the mud in her hair and angrily flicking it off her. 

“Nothing personal!” Neil yelled back to her, jumping off the half wall he must’ve climbed to get the shot. Allison turned around, surprised. 

She might’ve yelled something back, but Dan didn’t register, because the second Alison’s eyes landed on Dan’s hiding spot, so did Neil’s. 

A shiver ran down her spine as a pair of blue eyes found hers.

She forgot all strategy and ran.

She panted, weaving through all the different barricades and props, and feeling like they were slowing her down right now. 

She didn’t stop; she ran until she got to a fence that ran through half the field. She would need to run around it, but didn’t have time.

She felt the splatter of a paint-filled bullet against her back instantly. 

“What the fuck?” She breathed softly as she collapsed against the fence, all fight bleeding out of her.

Neil sent her a lazy salute, standing perfectly relaxed a good distance in front of her.

Dan was just about to stand up and start asking some questions, because seriously, what the fuck?, when her eyes caught movement behind Neil.

Renee was crouched, nearly invisible behind a bush, gun raised and aimed at Neil. She made her shot, and Neil, as if he had eyes in the back of his fucking head, expertly twirled away and ducked. The paintball missed him by a hair, barely swishing past.

He was on his feet in a moment, gun raised, but so was Renee, ducking under his shots and charging at him.

Neil actually looked panicked for a moment. Dan understood why. While she wasn’t their top shot, there wasn’t anyone she knew who could match Renee in close courters. 

Neil barely rolled away when she made to grab him. He grabbed a piece of random debris from the ground and held it up in front of himself like a shield as Renee shot again. He took advantage of her momentary distraction and shot, seemingly blindly, stopping Renee in her tracks as the bullet hit the centre of her chest.

Renee let her gun drop to the ground and smiled. “Good shot.”

Neil let go of his shield and huffed a little, out of breath. “You know where Andrew is?” He asked.

“What would you do if I told you?” Renee asked instead of answering.

Neil grinned and shrugged. It sent an uncomfortable chill down Dan's spine. “Haven’t decided yet.”

Renee shook her head with a soft, amused expression and picked up her abandoned gun, heading over to Dan and offering her a hand up. “Come on, let’s meet the others. They should have something to ice your shoulder.”

Dan still had a million questions, but let herself be pulled up and led to the exit, hoping very much they had cameras in here so she could see how this ended from the waiting room.

…

Neil quietly made his way across the field, slipping in between the trees like a shadow. He’d managed to track Kevin down to the fake forest area.

The idiot had climbed one of the trees, though not nearly as high as Neil would’ve, probably hoping to shoot down anyone he could spot on the field and rub his skills in their face. Too bad he wasn’t gonna get to shoot anyone, since Neil had already taken them all out in the time it took Kevin to find his precious sniper spot.

Neil was approaching from behind, careful of the rustling of leaves that could give him away. He couldn’t wait to hear Kevin’s squeaky yelp. He quietly hoped the shot would startle him enough so he would fall out of the tree. It wasn’t all that high; he’d be fine, and Neil would have the memory to cherish forever.

He aimed his gun, contemplating whether he should shoot Kevin straight in the back or wait for him to turn around so he could see his face. Suddenly, there was a plastic barrel being pressed to his side and a voice behind him.

“Stop right there.” 

Neil felt his face stretch into a smile. “Andrew.”

“He’s mine.” His husband grumbled.

“No fair, I found him first,” Neil argued petulantly. Andrew poked him with his gun. Neil turned around to face him, grinning. “If you want him, you’re gonna have to kill me first.”

Andrew raised a brow, finger finding the trigger. “Maybe I will.”

“Nah,” Neil whispered, feeling heat climb up his neck. “That’s no fun for you. You wanna beat me fair and square.”

“This would be me beating you. I sneaked up on you and have my gun pointed at you, if you can’t tell. Fair and square.”

“How about this,” Neil said, ignoring him. “You let me have Kevin, and then we can take this to the center of the map, have a proper one-on-one.”

Andrew considered it. “I would win.” He said. “I already caught you like that once.”

“Didn’t manage to shoot me, though.” Neil pointed out. 

It’s true, he hadn’t; instead, he had brought Neil in, way back then, not before shooting the guys that had been chasing him.

It was before Neil was eventually transferred into FBI custody, and before Andrew found him again after he was released with a new name, passport, and full immunity.

The sappy memory of how they met distracted Neil enough that he didn’t notice Kevin finally spotting them. Andrew saw him, though, and moved his gun away from Neil to shoot him, but he was too late.

Kevin’s green paint splashed against Andrew’s chest plate.

In half a second flat, Neil was back on full alert and reacted instinctively, emptying his canister in Kevin’s direction. 

Kevin did indeed yelp as he lost his grip and slid down the tree. “Fuck!” He cursed, but Neil tuned him out, focus already back on Andrew.

“Are you alright?” He asked breathlessly.

Andrew rolled his eyes at him but let Neil inspect him for stray hits. Luckily, all the bullets had hit him in areas covered by plastic armour. “You’re an idiot.” Andrew said softly.

There was a short victory jingle before the workers' voice announced, “Looks like we have a winner!” through the speakers.

“What?” Kevin looked around. “What about the others?” 

Neil shrugged, though he didn’t look at him, still staring dopily at Andrew. “I took them out.”

“All of them?” Kevin whined. “Are you telling me I only took out one person?”

Neil turned to glare at him. “You shot my husband. You’re lucky I didn’t aim for your face.” 

Kevin grumbled. He turned to Andrew. “I want a rematch.” He declared, starting in the direction of the exit where the rest of their squad now stood, waiting for them. “Without him. Just the squad.”

“Nope,” Andrew said, following behind with Neil. “The trophy is ours.” 

Neil knew Andrew didn’t care about a plastic cup, but instead rejoiced in Kevin’s sour expression at not having gotten it for himself.

“You didn’t win. He did.” Kevin pointed out bitterly.

Andrew shrugged. “All I cared about was the gift card. It was gonna be me and Neil using it either way.”

Neil smirked. “It’s technically my choice of restaurant.” He pointed out.

“You are not picking a salad place after I let you have Kevin.” Andrew threatened.

Kevin let out an offended sound. “You didn’t let him have me! I shot you!”

Neil ignored him. “You’re right. Gotta make it even.”

“We’re going to Baskin-Robbins.”

Neil huffed. “That’s not a restaurant.”

“They sell gift cards.” Andrew simply said.

Well, Neil couldn’t argue with that. 

single-handedly