Work Text:
“I still don’t understand why we’re even going,” Sirius said moodily as they waited on the curb for the others.
James shrugged and glanced up at the clear sky. At least the weather was nice. “Gid and Fab insisted.”
“Bloody people pleaser.” Sirius crossed his arms, tightening his black leather jacket around himself. “You should have refused.”
“You didn’t have to come.”
“Of course I do! You can’t have a bachelor party without the best man.”
“We’ve already had the bachelor party.”
“Exactly, which is why you should have told the Prewetts to fuck off and force someone else to endure their miserable, insufferable personalities for an evening.”
“They’re invited to the wedding,” James said as patiently as he could considering this argument had been ongoing since he first spoke with Gideon several weeks ago.
Remus hummed to himself, his fingers tapping the handle of his cane. “I think it’s a nice idea.”
Sirius shot him a look of deep betrayal. “Whose side are you on?”
“Nobody’s.”
“Wrong, you’re supposed to always take mine.”
“I never agreed to that.”
“It’s part and parcel of marrying a Black.” Sirius looked at James pointedly. “You’d better start practicing.”
James laughed. “I already let Regulus get away with murder. I must say ‘yes, love’c ‘of course, baby’, and ‘you’re right, angel’ at least sixteen times a day.”
Visibly pleased, Sirius turned to his boyfriend. “See?”
“We aren’t even engaged,” Remus said with the sort of bone deep exhaustion that could only come from years of experience dealing with a Black. James often mused to himself that befriending Sirius was perfect practice for his inevitable fall for Regulus.
And what a fall it was.
Pitching himself off Everest would have been less treacherous than falling for Regulus Black and yet James did it with a smile on his face. He wasn’t embarrassed to admit that he fell hard for his best friend’s little brother, especially now that everything was settled.
“I love that word,” he said more to himself than the others. “Engaged. It’s a gorgeous word, isn’t it?”
Sirius groaned. “Here he goes again.”
Remus snickered. “Make sure you don’t say the ‘m’ word.”
“Married,” James almost crooned. “My favourite word. No, wait, second favourite. First is Regulus.”
“Sickening,” Sirius mumbled, but his lips twitched upwards. Despite what everyone thought, Sirius was probably the happiest person when James and Regulus got together. With how much he cried and squealed when they announced their engagement, he was probably the happiest then too.
Before he could continue making Sirius sick with his devotion to Regulus, he was snapped out of his thoughts by an obnoxious honking sound down the street. James glanced over his shoulder and saw a black limousine curling around the corner of the road, neon strip lights burning in the windows. A personalised plate read ‘P4R T3Y’.
“Party,” Remus said unamused.
“I loved that season,” Sirius said wistfully.
The honking continued as the limousine crawled to a stop in front of them. This close up he could see the car wasn’t wholly black. White sparkles in the paint resembled glitter even in the low light afforded by the setting sun.
A glittery party limousine. Classic Prewett.
Back in his university days, James would have been thrilled. At the age of twenty-seven, he was too busy mourning his quiet evening to do more than smile weakly as the back door to the limo swung outwards. He should have expected the Prewetts would want to celebrate with a party. Why did he ever agree to this?
Dodging the triumphant look on Sirius’ face who had an uncanny ability to read his mind (exactly like Regulus, obviously another Black trait), James widened his smile as Fabian reached him with both arms outstretched. His laugh was more authentic as his old friend clapped him on the back followed by Gideon, the more rambunctious twin who went so far as to shake James by the shoulders.
“Jay!” Gideon cheered. James grimaced at the old nickname. He only ever allowed one person to call him by a shortened version of his name.
“Gid,” he said affably. “Good to see you both.”
“Oh, he’s gone properly posh now.”
Fabian snorted and smacked his shoulder. “Must be a part of getting old.”
“Blame the old ball and chain. Honestly, marriage. Mate, are you mental? It’s so bloody early!”
“We’re almost thirty, perfect time to grow up,” Sirius interrupted sharply, because the implication that James’ fiancé was a burden was an insult to his brother.
“Almost thirty.” Gideon mocked. His orange hair was illuminated by the blazing sunset behind him. “Come off it. We’re nowhere near thirty!”
“Aren’t you both two years older than us?” Sirius challenged.
“That’s right,” Frank said as he climbed out of the limousine. James’ smile widened into a true grin as Frank approached him with a hug. Finally, someone sane. “Nice seeing you, Potter.”
“Frank,” he greeted warmly. He always regretted losing touch with Frank but their age difference had seemed monumental back when Frank graduated. Being the oldest of all of them, when he graduated university four years earlier than James, it felt like an ocean opened up between them. Very quickly Frank became busy with navigating work, moving house, falling in love, and starting a family. James hadn’t been able to make sense of it at the time.
Then Sirius announced his baby sibling had freed himself from the horrendous finishing school he’d been shipped off to years earlier and would be transferring to their university.
Then he met Regulus.
“Room for one more?” Kingsley asked.
James beamed and held an arm out. Kingsley and Frank were like James and Sirius only much more mature and less inclined towards bouts of reckless idiocy as Remus would say. From over Kingsley’s shoulder he saw Benjy Fenwick and Caradoc Dearborn. Both former teammates from his old rugby club. Frank and Kingsley had been RA’s at their university who quickly took James and Sirius under their wing and helped them avoid harsher punishments for their troublemaking. The Prewetts had shared classes with them after failing their first year at university, then taking a gap year before rejoining in time for James’ first year.
Another round of greetings followed. Remus ended up locked in conversation with Kingsley while Sirius stared daggers into the back of Benjy Fenwick’s head. When the Prewett twins finally decided to shepherd everyone into the limo, Sirius dug his nails into James’ wrist.
“Why is that whore here?” Sirius hissed.
“Which one?” James asked honestly. Sirius hated pretty much everyone James befriended but especially the Prewetts.
Sirius’ nostrils flared. “Fenwick.”
“The Prewetts were on the rugby team too. I’m pretty sure they’re still close with Benjy.”
“Ugh, Benjy,” Sirius spat. “Stupid fucking name.”
Wisely, James decided not to respond and only patted his back comfortingly, a memory of Fenwick drunkenly confessing to Remus months after he and Sirius went public playing in his head. The confession had been bad enough, but then with what happened after…
Right. The whore.
“Let’s get inside,” he said, full of enthusiasm he didn’t feel.
Sirius grumbled but climbed in the limo dutifully. James gave a lingering glance at the sun which was just peeking over the horizon.
Soon, he would be home.
After several minutes of idling by the curb, the drinks were flowing. Gideon insisted on everyone taking a shot as soon as the doors were closed, then urged them to chase it with another. Only Remus was able to avoid drinking by bringing up his medication. Gideon tried to call him a drag but one borderline feral snarl from Sirius had him hastening to change the subject.
Naturally, things didn’t stay peaceful for long.
“Hope you aren’t too bothered.” Gideon tipped his drink towards Sirius. The champagne glasses they all held had golden P’s painted on them. James stared at his own, wondering if it stood for Potter or Prewett. “I know you’re the best man and all. I’m sure you would have planned something cool too but trust me, nothing is going to beat this.”
“Sorry to take over,” Fabian added. He always was the more socially aware of the two, although that wasn’t saying much.
“I don’t mind,” Sirius said candidly. “The real bachelor party already happened.”
“Oh, well…” Gideon’s shoulders lowered but he quickly puffed his chest. “This one will be even better than the first.”
“Doubt it.”
“They do say everything needs a trial run. A rough draft.”
Sirius’ hand clenched around his drink. James forced a laugh and clapped his best friend on the back to calm him down before he could smash the glass over Gideon’s head.
“Sounds like a plan,” James said, full of false cheer. He quickly downed the rest of his bubbly. “Where are we headed?”
Gideon only turned and made a gesture towards the other end of the limo where Fabian was lounging. In an instant, the other twin grinned and tapped the glass divider behind him three times to signal the driver who made a left turn so sharp it made all of them topple sideways.
One of Sirius’ elbows buried itself in his gut while Remus’ cane rolled along the floor and bumped against Benjy’s boot. Benjy passed it back as soon as he was upright; As distracted as James was nursing the bruise on his stomach, he still noticed the flinty glare from Sirius aimed towards their old teammate. Benjy would forever be on Sirius’ hit list for drunkenly kissing Remus after his failed confession back in university.
Laughing incredulously, James leaned back against the padded seat and tried not to overthink the moment too much. Unnecessary as the party was, he couldn’t pretend like it wasn’t fun seeing some of his old friends again. Catching up with them was turning out to be the highlight of his evening. Hopefully they would arrive at their destination soon, maybe get some more drinks and a table full of good food, and then he could return home to his better half.
The second the car pulled up outside the club, James started thinking about how he would avoid staying out too late. A part of settling down he never expected to be so troublesome was the need for constant excuses to get himself out of awkward or tiring situations. A night of partying used to be a great way to unwind after a stressful week. Now, it was just a headache waiting to happen.
Besides, why would he waste an evening drinking himself into a stupor when he could be cuddling with Regulus on the sofa while they watched cheesy soaps?
Stomach ache was always a good excuse although a bit uncomfortable to use with people. Nausea could work considering the amount of alcohol but he made a name for himself in university for his ‘golden liver’. The Prewetts knew it took more than a shot and a glass of champagne to get to him. There was always the excuse of his better half calling for him but with the Prewetts already viewing Regulus as a ‘ball and chain’, he didn’t want to make that assumption worse.
(And, he would bring that up tomorrow once everyone was sober. He wouldn’t have anyone referring to Regulus as that, but now wasn’t the time nor the place).
“Out, out, out,” Gideon said eagerly as he flung open the door. James scrambled after him only to be hauled towards the building before he could do more than take in the cool night air. He squinted at the onslaught of pink and red neon coming from whatever club Gideon dragged them to. Low pulses of music buzzed around the building from deep inside. As they settled into the back of the queue of prospective patrons, he frowned at the silhouette of a woman posted in one of the windows.
Where were they?
Unlike the clubs in Gryffindor, the nightlife scene of Ravenclaw was entirely unfamiliar to him. The only place James went to drink now was the pub owned by Marlene and Dorcas, and even that was a rare occurrence. Drinking simply didn’t appeal to him anymore. Being drunk meant not being fully in the moment. All he wanted was to be in the moment…
…with Regulus.
Shit, he really missed Regulus. Why did he agree to this? They were going to fall behind in their Doctor Who watch and he didn’t want Regulus watching any more of the Tenth Doctor without him present.
For…reasons.
Pointy-faced, manic reasons.
“Liven up, Potter, the torture won’t last forever,” Frank said amicably as he slung an arm around his shoulders. Although Frank had always been shorter than him as most people were, he used to have a bulk about him. Either Frank stopped lifting or James’ daily workout had strengthened him more than he realised. Maybe that was what Regulus meant when he called James ‘hunky’ when he returned home tipsy after his own bachelor party.
“Do you have any idea what they’ve planned?” James asked.
Frank shrugged. “No clue, but if it’s anything like what Kings planned for me then it’ll be lots of drinks and shitty music.”
“You love dubstep, white boy,” Kingsley said, shoving Frank forward.
“I do,” Frank said miserably.
James laughed as he was pulled along and glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the group. Just a few steps behind them were the Prewetts and Caradoc. Right at the back was Remus, who had Sirius wrapped around him like a possessive cat, while Benjy awkwardly avoided all eye contact.
The wait outside the club was thankfully short and after a quick once over by the security guards posted by the doors, they were let in with a warning to ‘look, but don’t touch’. Confused, James followed Frank and Kingsley, naturally falling behind which unfortunately put him in Prewett territory.
Another set of doors opened up in front of them and immediately the low thumping sound swelled into a barrage of bass-heavy music. James’ eyes squinted at the bright crimson lights burning across the room. The lights swept back and forth across the floor and walls giving the whole room a moody, sultry air. The scent of sweat and alcohol was heavy but the fake smell of roses was even more pervasive. So much so that it rested on the back of his tongue like cheap perfume, another thing he smelled in droves.
Two long catwalk stages wound through half of the crowd space which confused him for a moment until he saw the centre stage. A floor-to-ceiling pole stood proudly in the middle, and as his eyes locked onto the shiny pole, a woman climbed onto the stage with a seductive sway to her hips and wound her toned, bare legs around it.
“No,” James blurted.
“Yes!” Gideon cheered.
Caradoc laughed and clapped his hands. “Fuck, yes!”
James shook his head wildly. “No, no, I can’t be here.” He looked anxiously at the doors as if Regulus would appear any moment. His fiance was devious like that. He knew everything. But if he saw James in a place like this, James’ golden liver would be carved out and served to him on a platter.
“Is this a strip club?” Sirius sounded distinctly unimpressed.
Remus sighed loudly. “This isn’t going to end well.”
“Stop being such a loser, Lupin,” Fabian said unabashedly. “Bachelor parties mean strippers. Come on, Potter, let’s get some more drinks in you.”
“No, I really can’t be here,” James said in a rush, palms raised to the heavens. “My fiancé and I agreed: no strippers.”
“You really think he didn’t have strippers at his own bachelor party?”
“I know he didn’t.”
“I was there, he definitely didn’t,” Sirius said, folding his arms. “Come on, James, we’ll go home.”
“No, way!” Gideon waved his arms. “We paid for a private room. Free drinks for an hour and all the food you can eat.”
Guilt twinged in James’ chest. That must have been pricey. Reluctantly, he glanced around the room and decided a private room was probably safer than out here. “Okay, we’ll go there.”
“Great!” Gideon gave Sirius a superior look. “Some best man you are. Don’t you want him to have fun on his last night of freedom?” Gideon walked off determinedly with Fabian and a giddy Caradoc before anyone could answer.
James quickly caught Sirius’ wrist. “Don’t.”
“Just let me cut off his ear or something,” Sirius pleaded.
“No, if he’s injured or dead then I’ll have to rework the seating plan. If I have to rework the seating plan then Regulus will have to help. Do you really want me to piss off my very lovely and stressed out fiance even more? We’ve only just figured everything out.”
Marrying his best friend’s brother came with both positive and negative aspects. One glaring positive was Sirius’ borderline unhealthy relationship with Regulus which meant bringing up Regulus was a guaranteed way to get Sirius to do pretty much anything.
Predictably, Sirius huffed and let go of the knife he kept up his sleeve. “Fine, but if he makes one more remark, I’m shanking him.”
“Hot,” Remus said, then cleared his throat. “Sorry, I tell the truth when I’m nervous.”
Sirius wrapped his arms around his neck and yanked him down into a bruising kiss. Exhausted, James stared up at the ceiling where all the lights were mounted in a messy heap of overlapping wires and strobe lights. This place had to be a fire hazard. How could he marry Regulus if he died in a seedy strip club?
As they shuffled across the club floor to the private rooms, James tugged out his phone and sent a quick message to his better half.
From James:
Hello, my lovely. The night is going as well as you would expect. I’ve had to stop Sirius from murdering Gideon twice now, you should thank me for ensuring your brother doesn’t get thrown in jail before he can walk you down the aisle. We’ve had some drinks, now we’re at a strip club in a private room. I’m not looking at anyone and I’m definitely not going to touch no matter what Gideon says. Love you more than all the stars. Please don’t kill me before we’re married, I want you to inherit my belongings as well as my soul. Love you again. Love you always. Love you. Love you.
“Potter!” Fabian called from inside the room.
James hurriedly sent off the message and tucked his phone back in his pocket.
Half an hour away, Regulus Black picked his head up at the buzzing of his phone. Blearily prodding for the television remote, he paused the murder-mystery show he was watching and pawed for his phone.
A smile spread across his face at the sight of James’ name on his phone screen. As he read the message, his smile slowly faded away.
“Strip club,” he murmured.
Images of scantily clad women climbing all over his fiancé burned in his mind.
“Absolutely not.”
Laughter bubbled in James’ chest as Benjy finally gave up and stopped pretending to be a chicken or whatever it was his character was supposed to be.
The timer buzzed and Caradoc groaned. “What was it?”
Benjy threw his hands up. “Stuart Little!”
Sirius cackled. “He’s a mouse!”
“No, he’s not. He’s a duck.”
“He’s a bloody mouse!” Caradoc roared. The laughter doubled and James leaned heavily into Remus as he finished his third glass of champagne.
“Yeah, yeah,” Gideon said as their laughter finally quieted. “Now, it’s time to get this party started for real.”
“No fireworks or drugs,” Frank said.
“As you’ve said a million times, Mr Downer. How is your wife, Debbie?” Fabian asked snidely. Frank rolled his eyes but he was smiling. They all were.
James felt a little bad as he picked up the last of the sliders from his paper plate. He expected the usual chaos from the Prewetts but this evening hadn’t been too bad if he ignored the choice of location. Regulus would probably be a little annoyed about his proximity to strippers but it wasn’t like he’d done anything. He hadn’t even seen one dance.
At that moment, someone knocked on the door. Gideon wolf-whistled as the door slowly creaked open, and a chill swept over James’ body as three beautiful young women entered the room.
“Eleven-thirty booking for Potter,” the woman in front said. She was the smallest of the three with short, dark curls and sharp eyes. James turned to the Prewetts accusingly. This wasn’t a coincidence.
Gideon grinned and punched James’ shoulder. “Right here!”
The women entered the room fully then, all equally under dressed. The tall blonde at the back wore nothing but a fitted corset and lacy red underwear while her darker-skinned companion had a deep purple number with lots of straps and glitter. Not-Regulus in the front beelined towards him and James quickly climbed backwards to sit on the back of the sofa, eyes determinedly fixed away from the abundance of pale skin on display thanks to her lacy underwear, matching garter belt, and thigh-high stockings.
“No, thank you,” he said simply. “No dance for me.”
“Aww, are you shy?” she asked teasingly. As beautiful as she was, she had nothing on Regulus. The most striking model in the world would look plain next to his fiancé.
“Fine by me,” the blonde said. “Who wants a dance?”
Caradoc’s hand shot up. “I’m always down to have a gorgeous lady on me.”
“So long as you don’t get too excited.”
“You can tie me up if you’d like to make sure I behave.”
The woman in purple giggled sweetly. Her coily hair brushed her shoulders as she leaned down to caress Sirius’ cheek. “What about you, handsome? I bet you’d look very pretty tied up.”
“He does,” Remus said candidly as he took Sirius’ hand.
Sirius smiled. “Sorry, love. I’d suspect we have the same type.”
She ogled Remus appreciatively. “I suspect we do. Anyone else?”
“Me, please,” Fabian said, staring at her with hearts in his eyes.
“Oh, so polite…”
The bright red blush on Fabian’s face made James laugh for all of a second before the stripper in front of him met his eye. Unbidden, he glanced at her bare stomach and immediately looked away. Dark green and black lace. This had to be a joke.
“I thought you were getting married,” she asked.
Back pressed to the wall, James kept his hands up by his shoulders. “I am.”
“So…”
“He’s very loyal,” Frank said gently.
“Loyalty doesn’t mean much in my line of work. I’m starting to feel a little insulted. You won’t catch anything.” She looked pointedly at where James was climbing the sofa to get away from her.
James grimaced. “You look eerily like my fiancé.”
“Which is very uncomfortable for me because that’s my brother,” Sirius said miserably.
The woman snickered. “Right, sorry about that. Are you sure you don’t want a dance, Mr Potter?”
“Definitely not. You’re very pretty but I only want one person to sit in my lap.”
“Ugh,” Sirius groaned.
Across the room, Fabian and Caradoc were enjoying their dances while Gideon, and Benjy watched the women work with visible admiration. James didn’t look away from the ceiling even as the third woman finally drifted over to engage Kingsley in a dance.
“I’m being tested,” James said flatly.
“Are you tempted?” Frank asked quietly enough to avoid Sirius or Remus’ detection.
James snorted. “Not even a little bit. I just want to go home.”
“Well, that’s a good sign.”
“Do people usually…”
“More often than you’d like to think.”
James frowned. “Why?”
“Last night of freedom.” Frank shrugged. “Obviously, it’s not. Regardless of marriage you’re still in a committed relationship, but some people see it as an excuse to cheat without consequences. Some couples actually permit the other to indulge for one last time.”
“It’s true,” the dancer who resembled Regulus said as she came over with a freshly popped bottle of champagne. “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve had a man ask me to spend the night with him while he had a ring on his finger much like yours.”
“I’m sorry,” James said earnestly. “I’d imagine that’s awkward.”
“It’s work.” She topped off his and Frank’s glasses. “I don’t mind so long as they tip well and know when to take no for an answer.”
“Are you safe here?”
Her expression softened. “The good ones really are always taken. Yes, Mr Potter, I’m perfectly safe.”
“Okay, if you say so.” He briefly considered giving her his number in case that ever changed, then he imagined Regulus’ reaction to James giving his number to a stripper and remembered he liked being alive. “Sorry, I feel strange thinking of you by your job title. What’s your name?”
“Dahlia.”
“And your friends?”
Dahlia pointed to the blonde who was now twirling around a pole in front of Gideon and Caradoc, then at the woman entertaining Kingsley and Fabian. “That’s Poppy and Zinnia.”
Those were definitely all fake names but he didn’t mind. “Lovely to meet you, Miss Dahlia. Are your friends also safe?”
She gave an amused snort. “We’re big girls.”
“Oh, no, I know. I’d never imply you can’t take care of yourselves, it’s just—”
“James?”
Even being struck by lightning could never set his soul on fire the way hearing Regulus’ voice did.
“Oi, this is a private party,” Fabian called.
“Baby!” James cheered. He climbed off the back of the sofa and hurried to wrap Regulus in his arms, stumbling only slightly. Oh, maybe years of hardly drinking made him more susceptible to alcohol. He was tipsier than he thought. “You’re here.”
“I am, I thought you might like to introduce me to your new friends.”
“Sure!” James kept an arm fixed around Regulus’ waist. “This is Dahlia. Over there are Zinnia and Poppy.”
Dahlia covered her mouth to hide a smile. “Oh, we do look alike.”
Regulus visibly looked her up and down. “I think I have that set.”
“Kill me,” Sirius said in a whine.
“I’m sure you wear it well,” Dahlia said amusedly.
“I look stunning in it,” Regulus said.
“He does.” James beamed. “Of course, I prefer it when he’s not wearing anything—”
“Moony, kill me,” Sirius pleaded. “Quickly.”
Remus patted his cheek. “No.”
“As wonderful as this is, darling, I think it’s time for you to come home,” Regulus said patiently. James nuzzled into his hair. He smelled so good. He felt so good. James wanted to climb inside of him. “Darling?”
“I love you,” he whined.
“Yes, I know.” Regulus stroked his face gently.
“Say it back.”
“I love you, too. Now, let’s go home.”
“No, don’t go! You haven’t even had a dance!” Gideon shouted from across the room.
“I don’t want a sexy dance unless it’s from my Regulus,” James said, then frowned. “Or an unsexy dance. A dance, full stop. I only dance with Regulus.”
“Yes, we gathered that,” Zinnia giggled.
Regulus laced their fingers together. James smiled dumbly down at where their hands met and began thumbing over Regulus’ engagement ring. He put that there. Another ring would join it soon.
Gentle tugging led him towards the door and he hardly heard the muffled protests from the Prewetts as Regulus directed him out of the club. Familiar footsteps followed but Sirius only shouted his goodbyes before climbing in a taxi waiting on the curb.
“Did you call them?” James asked in confusion.
“No, Remus did the moment I walked in.” Regulus angled himself to look up into James’ eye.
Instinctively, James smiled down at him. “Hello, my beautiful.”
“Hi, Jamie. How are you feeling?”
“Good. Are you upset with me?”
Regulus’ lips twitched. “I suppose that depends. Did you plan to have a dance with a stripper?”
“No!”
“Did you want to come to a strip club?”
“No!”
“Then, no, darling. I’m not upset with you, although I am contemplating our seating plan for the wedding. I’m sure I could remove two people with little issue…”
“The Prewetts meant well.”
“Sirius has also been texting me all evening begging to bump Benjy Fenwick from the guest list. We could invite your three dancer friends to take their place.”
James brightened. “Oh, that would be nice! They’re such lovely ladies.”
Regulus laughed softly. “You’re lucky you’re adorable. Most people wouldn’t appreciate their fiancé gushing over three strippers.”
“They’re basically athletes. Did you see what Poppy was doing on the pole?”
“I did. I’m sure I could pull that off if I tried…”
James felt a swoop of excitement in his gut. Wide-eyed, he pawed at Regulus’ hips. “Yeah?”
Regulus smirked. “Yeah.”
“Can we go home?”
“Get in the back.” Regulus opened the back door of his car. James blinked. He hadn’t even noticed Regulus’ car parked beside them.
“Wait, why the back?”
“You have to be punished somehow.”
James whined. “No…”
“Backseat.”
Huffing, he folded his body into the back and grumpily buckled himself in. A whole thirty minute drive and he couldn’t even properly see Regulus, let alone touch him. This was not just unfair but cruel. It was torture.
Unbothered by his tantrum, Regulus climbed into the driver’s seat and took his sweet time strapping himself in and adjusting his mirrors. James sniffled as he leaned back in his chair. The alcohol really was clouding his mind. He somehow felt like was going to fall over.
“My golden liver is gone,” James said sadly.
“You never had a golden liver, darling. Sirius used to constantly swap your drinks.”
James sniffled. “Betrayal.”
“I love you, too.”
“I love you so, so much,” James gasped. He tried to lunge forward but his seatbelt tightened around his torso. Outstretching his arms, he made a desperate grab for the back of Regulus’ head. “Kiss me.”
“No, darling.” Regulus smoothly pulled out of his parking space and began driving. “Now, be a good boy and stop talking. I need to focus.”
“You’re so pretty.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you more than anything.”
“As do I.”
“We’re getting married.”
“Yes, I know.”
“You would make a really sexy stripper.”
“If you keep your mouth shut I might start practicing my pole dancing just for you.”
With Herculean strength, James kept his mouth closed for the remainder of the drive home. Only when Regulus parked outside of their house and pecked James on the lips did he speak again.
“Love you.”
Regulus softened. “I love you too, darling. Let’s go to bed.”