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Shen Yuan was awake, and Luo Binghe was not.
This was inherently odd as Shen Yuan tended to be a sound sleeper. Especially with an addition of a warm body against his; only waking groggily when Luo Binghe moved to make breakfast. But here he was, wide-eyed and staring off into the dark while Luo Binghe breathed deeply at his back.
He had already tried to fall back to sleep- with no luck, and was left desperately trying not to rouse Luo Binghe with his fidgeting. It felt so childish to wake another purely because he himself could not sleep.
Time stretched on in the liminal darkness and Shen Yuan finds himself idly playing with Luo Binghe's fingers, that were resting possessively over his sternum. He lightly rubbed over the joints and creases in a soothing rhythm. His thumb finds blunt human nails, sliding over the smooth crescents, and Shen Yuan starts worrying his lower lip between his teeth. A familiar spark of concern? Disappointment maybe? A spark of some coiling rotten emotion flittered in his chest. It was one he tried to avoid more often than not as it was born from quite a selfish desire.
Luo Binghe preferred to keep his more human mask on; almost constantly in fact. Which was in no way a surprise to Shen Yuan. He understood how it felt to live a lifetime in one body and in moments have it switched out for another, it was a steep learning curve. On top of that, his poor sheep's reveal was more traumatic than most. With the whole… Abyss thing… there was no doubt Luo Binghe resented his demonic traits somewhat, no matter how many times Shen Yuan assured him that he wasn’t afraid or disgusted.
It was- well it wasn't a shame per se, he loved Luo Binghe however he felt most comfortable appearing, but Shen Yuan couldn't help longing to see his more demonic traits. After all what was the point of having a half-demon if Shen Yuan couldn’t look at the demon bits? Luo Binghe was probably the only humanoid demon that would let him get close enough to map out his muscle group and trace his bone structure.
He'd always been a bit of a xenobiology nerd, consuming scraps of world building but never quite creative enough to design his own, and now he had the perfect opportunity to figure it out! To see the physiology of articulate ears (he’s seen them twitch on the rare occasions he’s seen them at all).
Was there a collection of intrinsic and extrinsic muscles like a cat’s? Probably. Shen Yuan didn’t have much evidence that rotational movement was possible, so perhaps there were fewer muscles present.
Also, the claws. Shen Yuan desperately needed to know how retractable claws worked on humanoid fingers. What would trigger it a new muscles group or a certain flex of the fingers? Does it reduce dexterity? That would explain why demonic cultures rarely focused on crafts and written history…
Despite all his theories he couldn't prove anything because. His. Husband. Refused. To. Display. His. Demonic. Heritage.
No. Shen Yuan couldn't just ask. It was embarrassing.
However, boredom was a deadly mistress, especially at night and away from any judging eyes.
Shen Yuan gently pulled the hand he had been causally kneading closer to his face and dug his thumb into the meat of Luo Binghe's palm. It took a little bit of consideration and the careful manipulation of qi, but he managed it. The bones shifted ever so slightly beneath his fingers and wicked claws formed at the end.
They were thicker than the normal human nail, coming to an ever so slightly hooked point at the end that rested neatly against the curvature of the finger pad. The nail bed was also much further back than on a human hand almost reaching the top knuckle. In all there was nothing too surprising as they matched pretty closely to the fanart Shen Yuan remembered seeing but there seemed to be much more tissue filling out the fingertips.
He felt over the new structure of Luo Binghe's fingers, sucking in a short, almost silent, gasp of delight when the pressure he was exerting caused sinew and muscle to tense. Triggering the claw to extend out from the fingertip. Or perhaps it was the new padding drawing back to revel the claw? Feeling like a child with a new toy he rolled the flesh of the fingertip and watched the singular claw extended then flattened with each pass. Strangely adorable in a way. Like playing with a cats toe beans.
Eventually, he got bored with the little investigation he could do in the dim light (resolving to sketch down what he had figured out later, of course) and instead he began to twist around in Luo Binghe's arms. Carefully, he came face to face with Luo Binghe and…
Oh.
Apparently he hadn't been gentle enough when revealing Luo Binghe's claws as he also seemed to have forced the reveal of all his demonic features. The pointed ears, the faint neon of his demon mark and- well, Shen Yuan assumed his fangs. His fingers inched up towards those plush lips to check, but he snatched them away with a flush. That was a bit too far even if there was no one to see him. The ears, however, the ears were free game.
After all, it would be such a shame to let this opportunity go to waste.
With the gentlest pressure he could manage he brushed up the extended shell of the ear. It twitched slightly, an involuntary movement not dissimilar to a cat's.
Shen Yuan's heart swelled with some indescribable feeling, probably indigestion but also, possibly- maybe love.
Once, twice, thrice, he repeats the motion. Trailing his fingertips up then down the back of the ear with a slow drag of nails across the seam between the ear and the skull. On the fourth pass, the ear twitches much more violently than previously established showing a much higher dexterity than expected.
An inquisitive noise slipped out as he gripped the tip of the ear between thumb and forefinger. They didn't extend much further than human ears and rested fairly close to the head. He kneaded down the skin and cartilage mapping out the structure under his fingers. Honestly, he couldn't actually gather much information from the motion but there was something quite soothing about the exploration.
A strange urge to bite the ear lobe made itself known. Shen Yuan knew from ..um-ah experience that this area could be …sensitive, and he wanted to know if it was more so in this form… PIDW would suggest yes.
He resisted, just about.
When he reached the base of the ear, he followed the arch of Luo Binghe's brow to the centre of his forehead and consequently the softly glowing demon mark. Shen Yuan smoothed over it with his thumb, marvelling at the smooth skin. He'd always imagined it to be raised or divoted or even just slightly warm, but it was just smooth skin. A glowing red warning of the sheer amount of spiritual energy stored in Luo Binghe's body and Shen Yuan adored it.
Sometimes he couldn't believe he was the one Luo Binghe chose. He could have had practically anyone, multiple anyones, but Luo Binghe wanted him, and only him. It was impossible yet here they were together.
Shen Yuan squirmed up higher in their shared embrace and pressed a long slow kiss to the demon mark. The moments dragged on as Shen Yuan allowed the luxury of time as his lips hovered a hairbreadth away from contact. The unbecoming urge to wriggle, scream and squeeze built up in his chest. So instead he whispered into the anonymity of night.
“Mine." Another press of lips and this time he didn't move away instead he rested there as he mouthed. "My protagonist. My cute sheep. My Luo Binghe."
He takes a breath heart thundering and…
"I love you"
There's a sharp inhale of breath, and it takes Shen Yuan a second to realise it was not his own.
Big doe eyes filled with tears meet his own out at him. "S- Shizun"
"Luo Binghe," splutters Shen Yuan now bright red, "how long have you…" Been awake? Been aware? Lay there silently as this teacher felt shamelessly across your body? There were so many ways to finish that sentence, but he couldn't, instead resigning himself to being a red-faced gaping mess.
Peerless immortal master who? Here lay a honorless dirty pervert.
Mindlessly he begins pulling himself out of Luo Binghe's grasp preferably to go hide in a wardrobe or drown himself in the nearby pond, only for Luo Binghe to tighten his grasp around his waist and draw him back.
Rapid kisses were peppered over his face.
"Shizun. Shizun. Shizun." Was muttered wetly between kisses. " I love you. I love you. I. Love. You"
The flush over when Shen Yuan's face was now quite possibly terminal, his mind no longer processing human language.
"Luo Binghe." He repeats unable to get anything else out.
Kisses began to sneak further down to his neck as more and more of Luo Binghe's weight rested on top of him. Lips made drawn-out contact with a spot just below Shen Yuan's ear making him shiver. Violently. Immediate regret flooded his system as he felt the pair of lips smile against his neck.
Sharp fangs brushed the same spot, with pressure so light it could barely be considered touch, but it was definitely there. Shen Yuan let out a fractured groan and tilted his head further back.
He was tempted to let this play out, very tempted. His body went limp, and he felt Luo Binghe's weight settle between his legs. With a deep breath, he placed a hand on Luo Binghe's chest, hooked his legs around his waist and applied pressure to switch their positions.
"Shizun?" Questioned Luo Binghe in wonderment as he gracefully allowed the manoeuvre, ending up situated with the other male sat steadily on his stomach.
Under the deep-rooted embarrassment, Shen Yuan couldn't help but feel rather proud of the star-struck expression looking up at him. It was rather flattering all things considered and Shen Yuan could feel his expression softening. The urge to hide behind a fan was strong but in the absence of one he raised this knuckles to his mouth and looked away.
Managing to glance back down at Luo Binghe Shen Yuan muttered into his hand. "Ay so sticky. What brought this on?"
"Shizun said he loved me."
Shen Yuan choked on air, this man would be the death of him. "Just that? Honestly you silly man."
Warm hands gripped his waist causing a small eep to slip past his lips as Luo Binghe lifted his upper half, with impressive show of core strength, to press his lips against Shen Yuan's collarbone.
"Shizun said he loves me" Luo Binghe repeats once more as if the words were gospel.
…Yeah? He'd said that several times. Had Shen Yuan broken the protagonist? Yet again? This man was meant to be far more resilient than that. To tell the truth, he was actually getting quite confused by this path of logic. Surely he had said those words regularly? He thought them so often it was like a rip current through his mind.
Luo Binghe did know he loved him, right? Shen Yuan slept with the man, regularly. How did he not know?
He suppressed a teasing grin and instead furrowed his brow. Stubbornly, he reached out to cup Luo Binghe's face, forcing eye contact between the two of them and Luo Binghe seemed to note the shift in the atmosphere with something akin to amusement.
"This master loves you." Shen Yuan said more firmly this time. "Surely my darling does not expect this one to kiss whoever he fancies in the moment?"
"No! This disciple would-" Luo Binghe amusement quickly vanished replaced by a pout, but Shen Yuan cut him of with an affronted huff.
"So he just shares his bed with whomever he wanders across then? Without a second thought I suppose."
"Shizun would never!"
"Ah so my disciple thinks me a deceiver then? Is that it?"
"No-"
Shen Yuan brings a hand that was clinging to Luo Binghe's shoulder to gently push at his chest, not pushing away but giving himself some leverage to manoeuvre away slightly. Twisting his body so he was almost facing the door. "If my Disciple finds me unfaithful who is this one to argue."
"Shizun." Luo Binghe say in a low voice and Shen Yuan suppresses a giggle, a nervous giggle of course.
He was in full swing now, bordering on dramatically swooning like some shunned romance lead, but he kept the serious expression his face. It was fun making Luo Binghe flail for once, normally it was him franticly placating teary whining. "Maybe this master should leave as, evidently, Luo Binghe does not trust him."
Suddenly a hand shot to his wrist.
There was something sharp in that grip that sent Shen Yuan recoiling back to face Luo Binghe like a yo-yo, his heart thundering.
"Shizun isn't going to leave me." Luo Binghe's red eyes glowed as he glared.
Slight worry started to bubble uncomfortably in Shen Yuan's chest.
Shen Yuan flinches.
It didn't feel like Luo Binghe was going to let go. "Binghe?"
He tried to give his wrist a sharp tug and, all at once, he remembered just how much stronger Luo Binghe was. It was like pulling against a statue. He was reminded of dark alleyways, of running, dangerous red eyes and panic.
Shen Yuan didn't notice the tightening of the grasp or the splitting of skin, but he did notice the unexpected lurch of the body beneath him. That was a little hard to miss. Off balance and disorientated, the only thing that stopped him from tumbling arse over tits was the pair of hands grasping at his own. Head to the ground, Luo Binghe knelt, kowtow on the bed.
Pah what an overreaction, was his immediate thought but then semi-incoherent ramblings filtered through.
"-rry Shizun! This lowly one deeply apologises. He would never hurt Shizun, never-"
Oh, was that… There was real panic mixing in his disciples word-spaghetti and further teasing remarks died bitterly on his tongue. Shen Yuan let out a small croak as he flailed, he wasn't equip for this.
Mask up; You are a peerless immortal master, wise, untouchable, unaffected. You know what to do. Shen Yuan cupped Luo Binghe's face and gently pulled him up. With a considering hum he brushed his thumb over the wet tracks there. "What will I do with you eh?"
He would be the first to admit Luo Binghe had a tendency towards crocodile tears and in his minds eye he could see how easy it would be to brush them aside, go back to sleep safe in Luo Binghe's arms… but would Luo Binghe feel safe in his?
No, not again, he couldn't run away again, Luo Binghe had already suffered enough for his cowardice.
"Ah, we- This is a conversation that requires tea." The words came out slow, carefully formulated and accompanied by a poker face that could rival the best. He removed himself from the bed slowly.
Behind him he heard the rustling of sheets. Then Binghe's wet voice spoke up. "But Shizun is hurt."
He glances back over his shoulder and stumbles. There Luo Binghe sits, redness no longer angrily spread up his neck but artfully brushed over his checks. His wet eyes were wide open as he gazed up at Shen Yuan's retreating form looking every bit a bullied maiden.
Sensing weakness Luo Binghe dips his head low letting out a pathetic whine. "Please Shizun, let this Disciple care for you?"
Normally this would send Shen Yuan flying back to comfort his little sheep but this time he folds one hand over the wrist of his other and turns back around. "It's barely a graze."
Footstep hesitantly followed Shen Yuan through the dark house and what broke him the most was that Shen Yuan recognise those footsteps. They belonged to someone planning to flee. Shen Yuan had echoed the exact same steps many times before.
"Luo Binghe, will you light some candles for this master." Right the first step was to stay in control, and to stay in control he needed to give his little sheep something to do.
Heavy silence settled around them both. Shen Yuan mechanically went through the processes of preparing tea. It was a rushed process, preformed with none of the elegance it deserved but in the end all that matter was having something warm and grounding between his palms.
It took both too long and no time at all for him to find himself kneeling across the table from Luo Binghe. By this point all courage that had possessed him had fled into the night. Fuck it, Shen Yuan was not built for this, what stallion novel had space for talking about feelings!? Except this wasn't much of a stallion novel anymore was it…
Stalling for time Shen Yuan took a long sip of his tea, hoping to prompt Luo Binghe into copying, and Yeah, it did not work. In fact, he barely twitched hands remaining viciously grasping his own robes.
"Drink." Shen Yuan urged softly.
Every movement was stiff as Luo Binghe followed the command. Painfully, Shen Yuan's heart cried out for his poor black lotus. Enough was enough, he drew in a stabilising breath and finally spoke.
"This mast-" No that didn't feel right, "I am sorry. I took that too far, forgive me?"
The only sound was that of scrapping, the scraping of nails on wood specifically.
"I know, I know, I was out of line. I just wanted to…" What did he want again? It all seems so silly now. Why did he sound so surprised when Shen Yuan said 'I love you'?
"It's alright if you don't forgive me." Tried Shen Yuan. "Just let me know you're alright?"
The oppressive quiet continued to stretch between them.
"You can yell at me if you want, I get it." Come on Luo Binghe say something to your poor master, he can't take this silent treatment! "Please Binghe, darling look at me. I'm sorry. Please. I love you. I'm sorry."
Gosh it was getting kind of hard to see in the flickering candlelight. Could an immortal master's eyesight worsen? He had worn glasses in his previous life.
"Shizun." Luo Binghe's gentle hands cup Shen Yuan's face. It shook slightly. "You're crying."
Shen Yuan brings his own hands on top of Luo Binghe's feeling the dampness that bloomed at his fingertips. "Oh. So I am. Sorry Binghe this isn't about me."
"No shizun, this lowly one apologies he didn't mean to-"
"Shut up you silly man. I'm the one apologising here… I hurt you."
"Shizun shouldn't concern himself with such matters."
Teeth sunk deep into Shen Yuan's cheek. This wasn't getting them anywhere, time to shift gear. "I love you."
Luo Binghe visibly stuttered, head twitching between glancing away and staring wide-eyed. Eventually he decided on looking down into his lap, hands trying to retract from Shen Yuan's face, but Shen Yuan was having none of it and immediately interlaced their fingers in a strong grip.
"No Baobei," The pet-name slipped from Shen Yuan's without permission and Luo Binghe completely froze, mouth slightly agape and wet wide eyes. Shen Yuan made an internal note of that reaction before filling it away for later use. "Yes that's it just look at me. I love you, you know that right?"
"… I know shizun. I know."
"Then why do you look so surprised?"
"Shizun doesn't say it often."
"I don't."
"And I know you care."
"I do"
"I promise I can see it Shizun, I'm being truthful please. I feel it when you spend with me, and when you whine about Yue-shibo, and when you ramble about the newest beast then pat my head for listening but…" He trails off clearly struggling with his words.
"But sometimes it's not enough?" Shen Yuan decides to fill in knowingly with a sad smile.
"No- No Shizun! This one could never ask for more… but the weeks are lonely in the demon realm when those scum are causing issues. If Shizun just stayed with me, it would be better."
"Binghe- we can not spend every hour together."
Luo Binghe pouts before letting his expression soften and eyes tear up "It hurts Husband, without you-"
"Luo Binghe, It's not healthy. I can't-we can't- You should be able to exists without me-"
"I SURVIVED WITHOUT YOU FOR 5 YEARS!" Luo Binghe snapped finally tugging his hand away and Shen Yuan let it fall easily from his grip.
"…"
"WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH?"
"Binghe-"
"Do you know what it was like to wake up next to your corpse?" He snarled, aiming straight for the jugular, and Shen Yuan bore it stoically all while internally crying. Honestly who could argue against that trump card? "It was so cold in that room you know. It had to be to stop you from decaying faster than I could heal you. I know your meridians better than my own."
"I know, I left Binghe alone for too long."
"But you don't know, do you? You tricked me, and then you hid from me!"
"I promise, I understand."
"HOW!?"
"My Disciple forgets, I waited for him too. Three years in fact." And god, looking back those three years were some of the longest of his life. He still felt guilty about the strain he put on poor Ning Yingying and Ming Fan during that period.
Luo Binghe let out a decisive huff. "That isn't the same."
Ouch, okay maybe that stung Shen Yuan a bit… He wasn't wrong but still. "Maybe, maybe not, but I need you to know you're not alone." He took a deep breath, face flushing. "You are my everything."
And it was true. Maybe less so now than in the beginning but Luo Binghe had felt like the only real person in this place. Everyone else was just a shade of an NPC but Luo Binghe, the protagonist, was real. A bright colourful splash of passion in an otherwise plot hole filled world.
"So we-" Luo Binghe perked right back up- a bit like a shark sensing blood and Shen Yuan had to resist the urge to tut; still such a cute little sheep, believing he could talk his shizun around that easily.
"Which is what makes coming back to you all the more sweet." He cut in.
"Or you could never leave in the first place." Whined Luo Binghe pathetically.
"We need time apart. Of course, I want to keep you here, keeping you safe and soft in my house… There so much I want to protect you from" -Wife plots mainly. Of course nothing could harm Luo Binghe but Shen Yuan's arse was different. "But you are important to people other than me and other people are important to you. You deserve to live."
The squeak the emerged from Luo Binghe was extremely gratifying and Shen Yuan felt his mouth tilt up into a smirk before he schooled back into place. He still had to focus here. "So how do I make leaving better for you?"
"Not leaving."
"Binghe." Shen Yuan warned in a low tone- the type of tone that said 'gods help me, I am so done with your shit' - and placed a hand on top of his sheep's head. If he was going to act like a puppy with separation anxiety Shen Yuan would just have to treat him like one too.
"… I-I. Shizun could tell me he loved me more." Luo Binghe requested tentatively.
"Done. What else?"
"A day to ourselves after spending time apart. No Yue-Shibo or Liu Qingge." Came tumbling out in an adorable rush.
"Show you Shishu some respect Binghe-" He playfully scolded. "I'll see what I can do. Maybe not the immediate day but soon."
Lou Binghe matched his grin and pulled Shen Yuan's wrist from his head to his mouth, brushing his lips against the small scratch that rested there. "And more Shizun kisses."
This time it was Shen Yuan's turn to fluster. Being allowed to touch Luo Binghe in that was still felt new to him in many ways and completely impermissible in others. "Ah oh um… I'll try? Is that all?"
"Just one more. I want something of Shizun when I travel way. Something to show I am his."
"What like a lock of hair or something?"Shen Yuan respond, slightly confused. Since when did the genre switch to court romance?
"If that's what husband is willing to give." Luo Binghe shrugged simply, but his nonchalant attitude would fool nobody.
"No. Hmm, maybe a fan…? Not really Binghe style. Some cloth? No too flimsy, and I am not a war widow. None of my robes would fit right. Maybe the hair after all… " Shen Yuan rambled out loud, enjoying the eagerness filled Luo Binghe's smile. "Oh, wait. That could work."
Suddenly Shen Yuan rose to his feet as elegantly as he could in his excitement and rushed into the side room. Luo Binghe blinked in slight bemusement but before he could even consider following his Shizun bust back into the room.
"Hands." He commanded, once again settling on the other side of the table and Luo Binghe cautiously obeyed resting his hand in Shen Yuan's awaiting ones.
Shen Yuan flourished the unoccupied arm out, shaking the flowing sleeve down his arm revealing a small pot and brush. He cracked the seal with his thumb and a strange smell filled the air making Luo Binghe's nose twitch.
"Maybe this master is being sentimental, but he cannot help but miss when his disciple ran around the peak in Qing Jing green" Shen Yuan commented lightly, trying not to hover on the painful context that coated that statement. He did not hesitate in his motions through, dipping his brush in the pot then to Luo Binghe's nails.
He hesitates briefly with a low hum and without looking up he requested; "Claws please Binghe. This master doesn't want to leave patches."
"Shizun is… painting this ones nails." Stated Luo Binghe as he carefully extends his claws, his voice rough.
"Hmm that is correct." He confirms as he gently manipulates Luo Binghe fingers leaving each claw in a light coat of green. "A small claim, something to tie you back to this masters peak when you are away."
There's a stutter of breath and Shen Yuan looks up for the first time since he started. Meeting crimson eyes a small though dawns upon him. "Ah, if it is agreeable of course. There are other colours is Luo Binghe would prefer. This master is sure he could procure a red or gold more suiting of an emperor's status."
The completed hand was snatched away as if Luo Binghe was scared Shen Yuan would remove it. " No. No this is perfect."
A warm chuckle filled the air. "This master is glad- give me the other- now when my husband looks down he will know his is loved and that this one is waiting for him right here."
"And Shizun will repaint them."
"Whenever you need."