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“Alastor!!”
Lucifer tried to reach out to his deer for probably the nth time that day. Why was he always that busy?? It's not like he was the one running the entire hotel or anything!
The Fallen One had to remove that thought from his head as soon as it appeared because the deer sinner kind of was running the entire hotel all by himself.
After their recent meeting with heaven, Charlie and her girlfriend were invited to heaven for another meeting and a “field trip” to heaven, as crazy as that sounds. ”Knowing the place better to know what it would take to get the sinners redeemed” or something.
Lucifer suspected that the nice seraphim had managed them a day to enjoy a romantic date there too. Not that he minded, of course!! His little ray of sunshine deserved a break from all this pressure. But the problem was that they've been out for the past three days and since then the time he got to spend with his deer had decreased significantly as well.
So what it's been only four days, if you count today as well — yes, Lucifer would count the current day! — but four. days. and Lucifer hadn't had the pretty sight of his gorgeous deer sleeping next to him. They couldn't spend much time together to begin with because as the host of the hotel, he had a lot of shit to deal with from the rooms to the residents. Then there were Alastor’s scheduled radio broadcasts. Now, don't get him wrong, he had loved Alastor's broadcasts even before he had loved the man behind the broadcasts, but he was unfortunately strictly forbidden from the radio tower while The Radio Demon was broadcasting. Why? Apparently, Lucifer had “distracted” Alastor during his broadcast the one time he was allowed in.
How? Lucifer didn't know. Lucifer couldn't understand why looking at Alastor the entire time was so distracting for Alastor. It wasn't like he was speaking or anything??? He had never uttered a word, hell, not even a noise. He had just conjured up a chair and looked at his deer the entire time — yeah maybe his demonic tail was wagging in the air but it didn't even produce any audible sound! He would know. But noooo… The Radio Demon had to be so cruel and deprive The Devil from that magnificent view because the real show wasn't the broadcast, it was The Radio Demon's entire body language. But alas! What could the poor Devil do…
“Al, your man's callin’ ya”
said the spider sinner, who was helping Alastor as much as he could. Which wasn't a lot, to be honest, but he was trying his best at least. Also, he just helped Lucifer get his deer's attention so, yay!
“Ah, you desire something, Your Majesty?” Alastor said.
“Yes. You.” Lucifer blurted out and immediately understood what he had said despite being correct, was probably inappropriate — especially after hearing a “Ooo, bold~” from the other side.
“Err, I mean, I need you to take a look at something real quick. It's, uhh, it's urgent. So could you just come with me for a second?”
Lucifer said and was proud of his seamless lie. Now Al will have to follow him to-
“Whatever it is, I'm sure I will recognize and fix it from here. Please do tell, while I check if everything is stored at the pantry.
Fuck.
“No I mean- it's private, Al!”
“What is so private that you can't say it here? You didn't break the bathroom floor tiles again, did you?”
“THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! Can you just- ughhh” The Fallen Angel groaned aloud, holding his face in his hands.
“Ooooh something private isn't it, Big Daddy? Ya know, you stay with Al, I'll go check if the bar is stocked enough.”
The spider went along his merry way while waving to them. Lucifer needed to figure out someway to thank him for this because DAMN that guy was a fucking life saver and the list of helps he'd gotten from him just seemed to be growing by time.
“Now, tell me. Did you or did you not break the bathroom floor tiles again?” His deer deadpanned.
“I'M TELLING YOU AL, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! I didn't know there was a rubber duck beside the tub and I accidentally stepped on it and slipped! It was a one time thing!!” Lucifer tried his best to explain himself as quickly as possible.
The Radio Demon made an audible “Hmm…” and said, “Then what is so urgent that you had to abduct me from the public eye?”
Lucifer took a deep breath and said “Alastor. Hell is in great danger.” with a very serious expression.
“What??” Alastor was taken aback by this sudden change in Lucifer's tone. He added, “What do you mean? Does it have something to do with heaven? Did Charlie and Vaggi tell you anything?” Alastor asked.
“Relax Al, it has nothing to do with heaven. And Charlie and her girlfriend are also okay, I got a text from her last night so don't worry about them.” Lucifer tried to neutralize the air around them.
“Then what is it? You just said hell is in great danger.”
“It is. In fact, the entire universe might be, because of you.” Lucifer deadpanned.
“Lucifer. Is that your “urgent” emergency?” Alastor was getting impatient.
“No, no, Al. I'm completely serious. This is very serious. You might cause damage to the universe.”
“What are you on about, Lucifer? Aside from wasting my precious time, that is.”
“I'm just saying what might happen in the near future if you continue like this.”
“Continue like what?”
Lucifer grabbed Alastor's exceptionally lean biceps and said, “Four days, Alastor. Four. Whole. Days that we haven't cuddled and I haven't received my good night and good morning kisses.”
“...what?”
“Yeah! And what about our after dinner chat! You haven't told me about your days for FOUR. DAYS. And you haven't complained about how ugly my bed is, or how I'm taking advantage of my immortality by consuming so much sugar which should have killed me by now or-”
“It's been only three days, Lucifer. Not four.”
“What about today!!”
“It's barely past noon.”
“And??? It's a day if one wakes up in the morning! You have deprived me of your attention for FOUR. WHOLE. DAYS!!”
“You- ugh, what does this all have to do with the well being of hell?”
“Hell yeah it does?!!! You're not giving me enough attention despite being in the same building, so I'm feeling very sad and lonely and frustrated! And if I feel sad and lonely and frustrated for a few more minutes, I might lose control over myself and let out an Angelic screech and an Angelic screech from one of the first Angels can be very very destructive, Al! Hell might not survive!! And it'll be because you haven't kissed me enough!”
Alastor remained silent for a few seconds then burst out laughing. It took him a few more seconds to get a hold of himself.
“Haha, oh Lucifer, how did you even come up with that?!” Alastor said in between soft giggles. Lucifer was tempted to say more stupid shit just to look at Alastor giggling like that.
“Oh I'm being very serious right now.” said Lucifer, as scary and serious as a bunny eating a carrot.
“You silly Duck!” he kept giggling.
Oh and now Alastor was playing unfair. How dare he act so cute while Lucifer was trying his best to convey how serious this entire situation was.
“Al, you don't get it! If we don't kiss, like- right now, the universe might end!” Ok this was getting worse now but Alastor's giggles regained its pace so the embarrassment was worth it.
“Oh!” Alastor said at last, with theatrical amusement painted over his face.
“Finally. You get how important this is, right?? Then I think you should do your part!”
“Sure but I believe the universe can wait till it is damned."
“Nonono Al no nope na-ah no nada.”
Alastor sighed aloud, and tilted Lucifer’s face upwards, to place a small peck on the tip of his near nonexistent nose.
“There! Be dear and be jolly with this much for now. I shall make sure to be careful from now on” Alastor said, letting go of his face.
Oh, but Lucifer wasn't the one to let go of this easily! Not now that he finally had his deer right where he wanted him! Lucifer grabbed Alastor's face before that oblivious deer could get too far away from him, quickly shortening the distance between their mouths.
Oh how Lucifer wanted to take it slow, to take his deer apart bit by bit on his tongue. To leave him a panting mess with swollen lips and the hazy gaze he wore after each of their passionate kisses.
But no. No because it wouldn't be okay given the circumstances and he was sure Alastor would very much appreciate being in his regular senses right now.
But how could Lucifer resist? When this was Alastor? His greatest love in innumerable eons?
So Lucifer gave a small lick of his forked tongue on his deer's bottom lip and let go — no matter how reluctantly — and gave his deer a very smug smile.
"Oh would ya look at that, Al. Hell's no longer in any danger whatsoever!” Lucifer said and enjoyed how Al's face gradually tinted into a vivid red.
“yoU PREVERTED MORON!!!”
***
Several loud noises and demonic screeches were heard from the bar downstairs in the lobby, where Angel accepted another drink from Husk.
Angel Dust snorted, “How subtle ya think they think they're bein’?”
Annoyed, Husker grunted, “I really don’ wanna think about my Boss's love life, Angel.” He paused, and then added with amusement, “Though I think The King is going to sleep on the couch tonight.”
Grinning from ear to ear, Angel feigned surprise and gasped dramatically, “Y’ don’ sayyy!”