Chapter Text
Wake up. Wake up. Wake. Up.
"Shut up, voice..." The thought pulsed behind Kai’s eyes... as she woke up. Yep, the voice won. Whoever or whatever that voice was. Kai didn't actually wanna wake up, like almost all of us do—and just lay in bed again. But she had school. And school is.. inevitable. She rose up and straightened her back while sitting on the bed and shoved her butt near the edge to turn off her annoying alarm—which she regretted setting because it would work.
"Kai? You awake?"
Tracy, Kai's (in her opinion) annoying friend whose mother happened to own the house, had woken up earlier and was knocking persistently on Kai's door.
"Go away..." Kai thought, though she knew that would be rude to say out loud. Kai looked at her white ceiling for a few seconds—the light in the center getting too bright for her eyes, forcing her to blink—then told herself to get up before that anonymous voice could tell her to. She always had this... voice. It wasn't hers, but it would always tell her what to do next. It was a roommate she never invited, sitting behind her ribs and pulling the strings.
Kai forced herself to take her noodle legs across the room, fighting her heavy eyelids. She finally managed to reach the door handle. But, as she was about to turn the handle, Tracy got on Kai's nerves again... by knocking even faster. And harder.
"JUST SHUT UP." Kai thought, but honestly, that would be really rude and impolite to suddenly say, especially when Tracy has done no harm to you other than annoy you with millions of insufferable knocking.
Kai then rips the door open so hard the hinges groaned. She terribly regretted that, but, oh well, reflexes. Tracy flinched, her hand still frozen in mid-air where she’d been about to deliver the next blow.
"Kai! You're awake after all! I thought you died in your sleep!" Tracy exclaimed in a way that screamed "Been waiting for you for 10 minutes, wake up or I'm gonna knock aggressively because I'm your human alarm clock and because I respect privacy!"
Then, the yapping began.
Tracy spoke at a speed that defied the laws of physics. She spoke of the ticking clock, the looming threat of being late, and most unforgivably, the state of Kai’s "sleep schedule." The sleep schedule thing made Kai's eye twitch. I mean, blame the school system, am I right?
"Tracy. Stop. It's not the end of the world." Kai deadpanned.
"Now, I'm gonna go get dressed and... let's try to forget this whole convo. Okay?" She then dragged herself like a weary ghost to the bathroom.
Kai closed the door and walked over to the sink. She looked at the mirror and:
"Oh, fuck. Did I have to look like this while i was conversing with Tracy?" Kai thought to herself, seeing her hair even more messy than last week, even though she's been through a situation like this for countless times.
She started to brush her teeth, wash her face, brush her brown hair and blue bangs, polish her grey horns and change her outfit before her "conscience" could. Not long after, she heard a subtle groan that was not hers.
"Annoyed much? Well, that's how I feel when you boss me around." Kai said proudly to her "conscience"—in the bathroom.
But she couldn't act so smug making her "conscience" annoyed for long. She was still late. She soon realized this and exited the bathroom—followed by a loud SLAM! Walking away from the bathroom like a businesswoman late for a meeting, she desperately wishes that the door didn't break, or that Tracy wouldn't approach her and ask a million stuff about that door, like "Kai? What happened?" "Kai? Are you mad at me?"
Well, she is mad at Tracy, for sure. For waking her up from her dream where she was in a relationship with her enemy. Yes, "Kai" is purely delusional. Falling in love with her enemy. How strange. Amusing, but strange.
As Kai was all dressed and ready to go, she walked outside and was immediately met by the familiar, heavy scent of a BC autumn. Wet cedar and damp pavement. The sky was a flat, bruised grey, and a fine mist clung to her grey horns like tiny diamonds. It wasn't freezing yet, but the air was thick with the kind of dampness that seeps into your bones. For once, the rhythm of the drizzle hitting the porch roof was steady enough to drown out her "conscience". It was peaceful, in a lonely sort of way. She went under the porch and took her phone from her bag. She was too invested in replying to her many notifications that she didn't hear Tracy calling her.
"Kai! Kai!!!" Tracy yelled. "Come on! Let's go!"
Upon finally hearing her loud housemate and the fear of being commanded by her "conscience", Kai shut her phone, put it inside her pocket and went inside the car. Closing it with a firm slam.
"Kai? Are you okay?" Tracy asked to Kai who was back on her phone.
"Oh, yeah. Don't mind me." Kai muttered, wishing that Tracy wouldn't start a conversation. She realized that she forgot to charge her phone last night and was on 39%, but she just shrugged this off because she wouldn't use it for the rest of the school day, anyway.
"I'm being nice for once 'cause I'm giving ya a yap warning." Kai's "conscience" warned her. And as expected, Tracy started telling her mom—Ms. Evelynn—about all the stuff her and her friend group did during a sleepover. One which Kai was not invited in. Oh, well. Kai didn't care anyway.
The car ride was a blur of Tracy’s chatter and the hum of the engine. By the time Ms. Evelynn pulled up to the curb of the school, Kai was already mentally exhausted.
"Have a good day, girls!" Ms. Evelynn chirped. Kai barely grunted a goodbye before sliding out of the seat. She needed to get to class before her "conscience" started narrating her walk across the parking lot.
As the car faded into the distance, Tracy called Kai and waved enthusiastically to her (with Kai exchanging a less energetic one) before disappearing into her own friend group. Kai paused at the archway, her boots splashing into a shallow puddle that mirrored the leaden sky. She looked up at the sign: MANDALIKA. Rainwater collected in the grooves of the letters before overflowing and streaming down the wood like tears. She didn't know what Mandalika meant—she’d been promising to Google it for months—but she couldn't stop reading it. Not when her "conscience" forced her to look every single morning.
As she finally walked into the school, she felt her heart race and a lump in her throat. At first sight, there were Clint and Sabrina. Two members of the infamous jerk posse in the academy, with one being missing. Apparently, their target was someone Kai did not know. They taunted and joked about that kid's appearance, with Clint acting nonchalant by straightening his blonde bangs as insults came out of his mouth.
Sabrina for once, was just following him around, with fewer insults coming outta her mouth. Kai tried her best to not get seen by the two. She walked close by the wall and tried to find her way to homeroom. But she heard Clint call someone. It was Kurt, his boyfriend.
Kurt awkwardly turned his head as Clint gestured for him to come. He hesitantly walked to Clint, his red demon tail twitching in fear. Kai couldn't hear the two boys' conversation, but she knew she had to get her friend out of there. As Kurt said his goodbyes because he made an excuse, he got jumpscared by Kai, who was hiding behind a plant.
"Gah! Kai! What the freak are you doing!?" Kurt asked dumbfoundedly.
"I was just checking in on you."
"Kai, I... appreciate your concern, but, everything's fine! For once."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! Clint just offered to pay for my lunch, no big deal." Kurt scratched his head.
Kai looked genuinely embarassed. "Oh. I thought–"
Kurt tutted. "It's all fine! I'm fine! I was just scared Clint would make me make fun of the student. But you know that I would never! Now, come on, let's just go to homeroom and get ready for our classes."
Kai only followed as Kurt lead the way. She felt like he was hiding something because Kurt wasn't this energetic as before.
"It's all fine. He was just nervous." The Voice whispered. Kai then calmed herself down, thinking it'll all go well. As she and Kurt reached homeroom 2D, she settled down, and waited for the teacher to enter. While she was left—again—by an associate to interact with their best friends, Kai opened her bag and pulled out a notebook. She then ripped a paper out and started to jot down aggresssively.
As the teacher entered the room, all the students went silent and Kai immediately folded the paper in half and put it in her pocket. The teacher sat down and started saying stuff that Kai did not remember at all. After announcements, the students walked outside to go to their lockers and get ready for their classes.
During class, it felt the same as always. Math, science, art, French—all the same. Nothing new. But Kai always wondered,
"Where the hell is Adrian?"
Yep, Adrian Thorne, Kai's enemy who she had dreamed about a few hours ago. Kai hated wondering about his whereabouts, but she knew this wasn’t her doing.
For her last class of the day, she walked to her locker to get her books. And like every day in Kai's life, a struggle was waiting for her.
"Ugh... 10... what was the combination again?" Kai thought. It wasn't actually that hard, but her brain was fried.
Then, she heard a familiar voice.
"Still forgetting the combination, loner? I could help you if I wanted to, but I don't."
It was Adrian. He was leaning against his locker just three doors down, watching Kai struggle to remember her own combination. Kai’s heart dropped, then she let out a heavy sigh.
"Again with the remarks, Adrian?" Kai retorted, trying not to pounce on him and start a fight right there in the hallway.
Adrian just smirked and taunted, "Well, it causes me joy, seeing you like this. I thought you would know that, but I guess you are just a stupid idiot."
Kai just ignored him, but the voice said otherwise.
"Come on... let’s hear what he has to say..." her "conscience" eerily said with a playful tone. Unfortunately, Kai listened to her "conscience" like always.
"So, what’s with you? You’re late," Kai muttered flatly.
Adrian just let out an "eh" and replied, "I had to work extra at the pet shop. And I also thought you would know that." Adrian chuckled at the sight of Kai, who looked positively drained by his presence.
So... that’s why his shirt looks so disheveled... Kai thought.
When she first saw him, the second thing she noticed was that his light brownish shirt—the one with the paw print—was covered in smudges. The first thing she’d noticed, for some reason, was his smile. She figured he’d either sprinted to school through some mud or the pets at the shop had staged a tiny rebellion on his torso.
"Also," Adrian continued, "I spent a few minutes in detention after the teachers caught me looking like this." Kai tightened her jaw and ignored him, as she finally remembered her locker combination. She yanked her locker open with a metallic clang that echoed down the hall, like a few hours ago when Kai yanked her door open because Tracy was being irresistible.
"Hey, what’s this?" Adrian asked, suddenly lunging to swipe the note that Kai wrote in homeroom from her pocket. Kai dodged him and warned firmly, "That is none of your concern."
"Oh, I think it is," Adrian countered with a mischievous glint in his eye as he successfully snatched the paper.
"Adrian. Give it back..." Kai didn't even bother reaching for the note he was now holding high up in the air so Kai couldn't reach for it. She’d been dealing with this for a year—maybe two? If she had lost count, then so had I.
Adrian just laughed and slowly unfurled the note. Kai let out a defeated sigh; there was nothing she could do to stop him now. Adrian’s eyes scanned the paper, his expression shifting into one of genuine surprise. After a few seconds of stunned silence, he began to let out a low, jagged laugh.
"Kai! You’re crazy! Writing something like this..." he purred, his voice dropping to a mocking whisper as he continued to read the rest of the note. Kai just stood there, watching him read her note. Thinking of whether to take the note or let him mock her own mental state.
I hate my life. Why was I even born. Why was I even created. I hate my "conscience". If my "conscience" was a person, I would strangle that neck of theirs until they stop moving. Stop commanding me like you own me. I wanna jump off a cliff. I dislike Adrian. Why is he still in my school. Why is my "conscience" giving me weird dreams of me and him. I hate myself. I wanna dissapear. I dislike Tracy. She knocks too much. I have a clock. Stop bothering me before I punch you in the face so hard that I won't even recognize you. Day after day, I keep sacrificing myself for others' peace. I keep wondering 'why?'. Why? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Continuing, hundreds of WHY?s were written on the paper—even on the backside that was bleeding from the ink from the front. Adrian stood frozen, staring at the manic scribbles with a look of genuine, unsettled concern.
"I can't take this shit anymore.." Kai decided as she jumped and managed to get her note back from Adrian. She quickly folded it again so that her "conscience" couldn't see. But it was too late.
After this day, she knew that she would live her whole life (starting now) regretting writing that note in the first place.
Adrian; for once feeling quite guilty, wanted to say something to Kai but he just... couldn't. The bell soon rang, as the other students started to go to their classes.
As Kai finally got her books, she gave Adrian a warning glare as she finally walked away. Not realizing the note in her hand fell. Adrian; realizing this, took the note from the floor. He was about to give it to Kai, but he froze.
Giving his enemy her missing note back? He felt that would be awkward and would show his vulnerability. But who was vulnerable at the moment? So, he put the note in his pocket and hurried to grab the books he needed—because he was too busy bickering with Kai—and ran to his class.