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“He is an adult, Chad.” Robert groaned,his headache thrummed to the beat of the club's music and it was making him annoyed. ”He takes care of his grandma, takes care of over 20 cats, and he's a hero. I'm pretty sure he can do taxes too.”
“Look at that so-called adult man and tell me he's had sex before.” Chad said pointing at Waterboy from across the bar, the man nervously speaking to the bartender;he was wearing an oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans over his wetsuit, the lights made the blue and yellow material stand out. They really should have gone somewhere more low key but Chad insisted a fun,loud place was the proper place to have the very serious,month long pondered, conversation. Robert thought himself a dumbass for agreeing.
He looked at Chad, frowning and shaking his head, even more annoyed.“He can learn,why are you fighting me on this?”
“Because!” Chad slammed his hands on the table, causing some patrons to look. “We are two fucked up guys Bob. Life fucked us over, that's why we work together. He hasn't been punched enough to fall into our fucked up relationship.”
Robert rolled his eyes.“I think you're really overthinking this.”His eyes looked over at the black cropped sweater Chad was wearing, noticing some threads had charred. He could also see smoke coming off his wild loose mane. “ It's burning your brain already.”
“Don't you start with me,Robert.” Chad jabbed a finger at his chest,”If you want to drag that-that kid down, you do it alone.”
They were interrupted by the man in question“W-what's happen-going on guys.”
Chad ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath, he hated to do this but it was for the best.He then turned to Waterboy,“Listen-”
“Herman!?”
All three men turned to see a shocked man dressed in business casual. There was an empty martini glass in his hand.
Waterboy(or rather Herman) waved awkwardly.“Er, hi…J-Jeremy.”
The man gaped ,his drunken state made him sway a little“Seriously?That's all that I get? You fuck me within an inch of my life and disappear and a year later you just say hi to me?”
Chad's eyes widened and he looked at Robert, surely the guy was too drunk to the point of hallucination. There was no way Waterboy fucked him.
“I-I'm sorry but I thought-didn't you ask-agree on a one night stand?” Herman said, wringing his hand nervously.
“You made me breakfast!”
Some people turned to look at them, a few were tapping their phone screens. Robert got up from his seat intent on stopping whatever the conversation was, he didn't want anyone to be trending on Twitter the morning after.
“That doesn't-I do that- did that with all my-with the people who I-ah…Did stuff with.”
“Oh my God!” Jeremy shoved Herman's shoulder, or at least tried. He ended up stumbling and the objects of his derision held him up and straightened him. Jeremy shoved him again“You're a piece of shit!”
Robert rushed to grab Herman's shoulder and dragged him to the side,he pointed at Jeremy while glaring.“Hey! Don't talk to him like that. Sorry your hopes and dreams got shattered but you shouldn't take it out on him.”
“Who the fuck even are you?” Jeremy slurred pointing with his martini glass.
Robert was so close to punching him but Chad walked in front of them, squaring his shoulders and covering Herman from the drunk idiot. “Seriously bitch, back off.”
“Oh my God, I get my heart broken and I'm the villain?”
Great he was one of those pathetic weirdos, Chad scoffed “Heart broken? Dude you just said you had a one night stand a year ago.”
“You haven't fucked him, clearly.”
Herman covered his face with his hands while Robert put a hand on his shoulders, trying his best to comfort him.
“I'm still reeling on the fact that the bitch fucks.” At the noises of protest made from the three men,Chad scoffed.“Let me solve this real quick,”He said, turning to the younger man ” you got a tinder profile?”
“Yeah…I got r-rid of it though. Things got diffic-messy.”
“I got a screenshot of it.” Jeremy said, pulling out his phone.
“Of course you do.” Chad crossed his arms and stared at the drunk guy fumble with his phone, the pathetic bitch had it in a folder on his home screen. The guy held his phone up proudly but Chad rolled his eyes.
God… the picture was so dorky, but he did look cute at least. Chad tried not to feel bitter about not finding this profile while he read.“Bitch, it literally says he's only looking for one night stands. What did you expect to happen?”
“That doesn't matter! Nobody fucked me as good,he cleaned me up. And in the morning when I woke up he made me pancakes and coffee and cleaned my sheets! It meant something, I know it!”
Chad could tolerate a pathetic bitch but a delusional one was beyond his patience, he'd had his fair share of delusional hook-ups, even with his less than stellar bedside manner. No wonder Waterbitch had to delete his profile if he kept dealing with these types of idiots.
Chad ran his hand through his hair messing it up even more.“Oh my God, your standards are in fucking hell. It's not his fault you've got low self-esteem. Go to therapy, bitch.”
Before Jeremy could open his mouth a group of people grabbed him and yanked him back, all wearing business casual as well.
A short woman walked up to Chad, she was clearly the designated driver judging by her tired demeanor, he knew reluctant sobriety when he saw it . “We are so so sorry, he drank two peach schnapps, a cosmo, and an espresso martini.” She looked at Herman and widened her eyes,”Ooooh you're that tall guy! “She walked over to him and grabbed his hand,surprisingly showing no sign of discomfort at the wetness”I am going to personally apologize to you for whatever he did. I am sorry.”
Robert thought she must've dealt with a lot if she was casual to the whole situation, he felt some form of camaraderie with the woman.
“Fuck you bitches. You all fucking suck!”Jeremy yelled, the woman closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, it was comforting to know it wasn't just in his workplace that had very difficult people.
Herman grabbed her hand back briefly, smiling nervously. “It's ok-alright, he ,uh, needs some water a-and rest. Maybe some headache pill-medicine.”
The woman blushed a bit and briefly glanced back at her friend; they were almost at the exit.“Odd question but are you single by any chance?”
And there went some of Robert's empathy, although he gave her kudos for her courage.
Chad walked in front of her face and glared.“Go. Away.”
She looked at him, then Robert(who was frowning), and finally at Herman. “Can't blame a bitch for trying.”She shrugged and left.
After the commotion seemingly ended, most people walked off leaving the men to return to their table. They sat quietly for a few seconds until Chad decided to cut the tension,”so when were you going to tell us you're some kind of fuck machine?”
“C-can we not-can we change the discuss-topic?” Herman's face was beet red.
“No.” Robert shook his head“We've been trying to figure out how to ask you out for weeks-”
“We what?You have, I've been opposing it.”
“Shut it.As I was saying, we've been thinking of you a lot. We were nervous, thinking you were less experienced so to see that, well it threw us for a loop.”
Chad wrinkled his nose“Threw us for a loop?What are you? SpongeBob?”
Waterboy stared at them, looking confused and then his eyes widened“Oh? OH! That's erm…”He looked all over the place, “Can we t-talk somewhere more quie-private?”
Robert nodded, both men looked at Chad who huffed and stood up.“C'mon, let's get out of here.”
They ended up at Chad's place, it was the closest place and, Chad assumed , after the talk they would all be emotionally spent, he was not about to walk all the way from Robert's hole or Waterboy's house feeling like shit.
All three men sat together on the outdoor lounge in Chad's backyard; Herman sat nervously in the middle.
“So,” Robert said, ” what do you think?”
“I haven't … I never thought about it- not to say you guys aren't desira-attract-great choices.”Herman looked at his hands” It's just I am-I only do-I don't like to go back to people who I do…s-stuff with because I am disappointing as a-a person who…does r-relationships.”
Fuck if that wasn't the saddest thing Robert had ever heard, he could see Flambae frown,pity flicked over his eyes.“Is that why you never go back to the same person again? Because you think they'll be let down if they get to know you better?”
Herman nodded once, biting his lip and wringing his hands.
“Well, we already know you quite well. You couldn't disappoint us, even if you tried.”
“B-but Flambae he's -”
“Against this? I am.” Chad said, nonpulsed.
Robert glared at him while Herman slouched and hugged himself.
“Robert, look at him. Even if he's some secret sex god that doesn't stop him from being a green little bitch. He hasn't even smoked weed!” Chad turned to Herman, placing a hand on his shoulder.“Listen, we are two fucked up people, really fucked up. So it's better for you to go to your grandma and live your life in your little bubble,ok?”
Chad expected the guy to stutter angrily or shrink away, he wasn't expecting Herman to sit up straight and look at him with quiet rage, he'd seen it a million times before in front of a mirror when he was in prison.
“You don't know a f-fucking thing about me.”
Herman slapped Chad's hand away as he stood up,
“Waterboy.” Robert tried to grab his hand but the man jerked his hand away and glared at both of them” M-my name is Herman!”
Both men were taken aback by the outburst, they've never seen him so verbally upset.Herman's face went from angry to resigned.“I'd better- I'd better go.”
Robert scrambled up from his seat.“Wait Wa- Herman. Let's talk.”
Chad stood up, his eyes flicking to Herman's face and then to the floor.“We should.”
The young man looked up and sighed, he walked back to the seat and plopped down, resting his head on the backrest.
“Didn't know you had it in you.” Robert nervously chuckled as he sat back down.
Herman stared at Robert, more defeated but still stern.“You're not-you aren't the only p-person who's parents d-died.”
Ok, that hurt.
He then turned his head to face Chad.“You aren't the only person who's done some destructive shi-some bad things because you were angry.”
Suddenly the breakroom outburst made more sense, although he felt something sick settle in his stomach at the thought of an orphaned Herman(how old was he when it happened?)
“Do you want to… talk about it?” Robert offered.
Herman bit his lip and sighed “I know you guys think I'm naive, that I act stupid-”
“Hey, no.”
“Herman, we-”
“I-Im speaking now. I'd rather act s-stupid than let whatever shitty thing I feel take me down, I can't do that again.”
Robert wanted to know more, what exactly happened to the sweet chipper man before they met? Who was Herman before Waterboy? He knew better than to ask though, hopefully if things worked out they would have more deep conversations.“Thank you for telling us that.
“…msorry.”
Both men turned to Chad, he had his arms crossed and his face was steaming. Herman leaned closer.“What?”
“I am sorry, Herman!” Chad yelled, he sank further into the couch,” I shouldn't have said shit like that. Guess I'm the immature one here.”
Chad looked at Herman from the corner of his eye and regretted it, he was smiling. Not happy or sad…content? Peaceful? He didn't know but he liked that smile a little too much.
“Thank you.” Herman stayed quiet for a few seconds before he got up” I better go,I'm responsible for-supposed to wake up early to take grandma to an appointment.”
Robert rubbed the back of his neck, wracking his brain for something to say. He wanted to speak and know more about Herman but that wasn't a five minute talk.”Can we meet up the day after tomorrow? Just the three of us.”
“Damn Robert, are you that horny?” Chad chuckled
“What?No, not for that, you asshole.” he shoved Chad to the side ” To talk.”
“But it could be for that.” The former villain said grinning.
“Jesus.”
Herman laughed at them, cheeks reddening. Robert and Chad wanted to see that more often. “S-sure, we can hangout.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Roer, waer.” Chad sputtered
“What?” Robert asked.
“Wa.Ter.” Chad coughed.
Robert turned to the nightstand and saw a full water bottle there, of course Herm would provide water after demolishing both men.“Here.”
Chad grabbed the bottle and coughed again, he sniffed after opening the lid“Did he spit this?”
“Let me see,”Robert took the bottle and sipped, smacking his lips,”yup.”
“Eh”Chad was too tired to question how Robert knew that;he took the bottle and drank. He sighed as the cool refreshing water went down his throat.”Fuck me, that's good.” Chad threw the empty bottle down and laid back on the bed wincing”God…Last night was crazy.”
After weeks of planning and long conversations all three got comfortable enough to have sex.Robert and Chad thought it was going to be a run of the mill threesome, all three sandwiches together, maybe some penetration, definitely some blow jobs and hand jobs.
They did not expect Herman's idea: for both men to ride him. Robert on his face and Chad on his dick. And for the second round, Herman reverse cowgirl rode Robert and at the same time he did intercrural with Chad.
If that wasn't enough he had a third round with each.Both were fighting to hold on for dear life because what Herman lacked in confidence he had in enthusiasm and care.
Chad and Robert fully understood how anyone could become obsessed after; not only was he a beast but Herman was also attentive and careful while he tore them apart; he asked a lot of questions.
It was surprisingly endearing at first but as the night kept going it felt incredibly intimate.Did they want a new position? Did they want it to hurt? Did they want it softer?Did they want to be degraded? Worshipped? Teased? Did they want to treat Herman like a toy to be used? Or a precious treasure? Did they want him to keep quiet or did they want to make him scream?
And the fact that Herman was whispering those questions while he drove the older men to the brink of madness?Robert and Chad would never hear him through the comms without getting hard again.
The most surprising thing was the water, it was a heaven sent especially when they both felt like their skins were on fire. Herman and Chad actually created steam when they were going at it. It was almost soothing to Chad.
Robert had used the water to hydrate, he licked and sucked Herman's neck while holding on for dear life.
“Breakfast is ready. Come and- come and get it!” Herman said, walking through Chad's bedroom door with a cheery smile.
“I can't feel my legs,Herman.” Chad groaned
“Oops…my apologi-sorry…” The younger man hunched over a bit.
“That's alright.”Robert waved as he got more comfortable in Chad's bed ”If you ask me,I'd rather stay in bed all day.”
“I'd b-better bring a tray then.”
“You have a tray with you?” Robert was impressed; talk about thoroughness. Or anxiety. (Or a third option that made Robert feel slightly jealous.)
“Your not-this isn't the first time I n-needed to use this.” Herman said as he walked to the kitchen.
So it was the third option then: experience. Whoever were the lucky people, Robert hoped they'd appreciate how good Herman was.
“You better have two then, Hermie.” Chad groaned while rolling his shoulders ”My back is killing me.”
As he said that Herman walked in balancing two trays, each had a plate of bacon,eggs, and hash browns. There was a cup of coffee on Robert's tray and a cup of orange juice on Chad's.
“No fucking way.” Chad said. He was definitely never breaking up with Herman, if Robert wanted out then fuck him but Herman had to stay. Sure Rob was nice, but he never served him breakfast in bed. He didn't even have milk or cereal in his shithole.
“Dare I ask how many people you have incapacitated.” Robert asked as he took a sip of coffee.
“I-I haven't-no I've never-”
“What he meant was, how many people have you fucked total , Hermie?” Chad asked between bites of bacon. Herman blanked, Chad thought he looked like Samantha from Sex and the City when her doctor asked her that same question.
“Ok, easier question,how many people in one night?” Robert asked a bit gruffly. He was definitely jealous now.
Before Herman could respond he yelped and ran to the kitchen “Oh the t-toast! I forgot it!”
Chad rolled his eyes and looked at Robert.“Jesus Rob, next time pee on him. Or give him a ring.
“You're not jealous?”
“Why should I be?” Chad said taking a sip from the orange juice, he made a surprised noise when he realized it was a mimosa. Oh this man was too much “They only got him for one night. We get him forever”
“I don't think I'm the one who should give him a ring.” Robert chuckled.
“Fuck off.” Chad said, sipping his mimosa.
“Here you go.”Herman came back, depositing a plate on each of their trays.
“French toast? Where did you come from?”Chad cut a piece up and groaned when he put it in his mouth “That's so fucking good.”
After Robert devoured half of his french toast, he spoke up“We're waiting, Herman.”
“Hmm?”
“How many people in one night?” Robert asked, this time more softly.
Herman's face colored into an impossible shade of red. He fidgeted as he slowly laid down in bed, covering his face.“Er…eight.”
“Eight?!” Both men exclaimed while Herman shifted so he was face down on the bed.
“You fucked eight people in one night? One by one?” Chad asked as he leaned over. The younger man shook his head
Robert was confused for a second until it hit him“At the same time?!”
Chad looked at Robert and then at Herman, who bashfully nodded. His eyes widened. “Fucking how?!”
“W-well…o-one on e-each hand, one on my f-face, two b-behind, one on m-my-on my f-feet,one b-between my leg-thighs,and o-one riding me.” Herman said between his fingers.
“That's…”Robert ran a hand through his face“a lot to take in.”
He shouldn't be surprised, not after the night they had; Herman was creative in bed but even then it was way too surprising for him to manage eight people. How was Robert supposed to be normal at work now? His thoughts were swimming in images of all the different possibilities and positions.
“Damn, you're a real freak. I wish you would let it be known sooner.” Chad said, finishing his breakfast.“I can understand why that bitch at the bar was upset though, you're really attentive. You make people feel special.”
Herman looked up from his hands. “I do?”
Chad placed the tray on the bedside table and leaned forward, a smirk on his face. “You are the best I've ever had.”
“Whuh-huh?I-I am?” Herman's face got red yet again, interestingly he was steaming too.
For the first time in his life he looked dry.
Chad grabbed the steaming man's hand and dragged him towards the pillows”Come over here”
Robert chuckled watching his two favorite people cuddled together. Herman looked so happy wrapped around Chad's arms. He leaned over and began to pet Herman's hair;it felt really soft.”How could anyone be disappointed in you?”
Chad scoffed,“This is a grown ass man, Robert.” He leaned over and began to kiss the said grown man's cheeks and jaw, “no need to coddle him.”
“Asshole.” Robert grumbled as kept eating while watching Herman and Chad kiss.