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He watched Shane check his phone, again, for the third time in less than a minute.
Hayden caught JJ’s eye, frowning. Shane had been on edge for days. They had each pulled him aside to ask if he was okay, but Shane had just smiled tightly and said of course.
Shane had lied.
Shane lied a lot.
Hayden usually wasn’t bothered by Shane’s lies; they were usually harmless lies.
I'm looking forward to the team dinner tonight.
No, I’m not tired, put on a movie.
Sure, grab me a beer, I’ll have one.
There is no Boston Lily.
They were always white lies, usually Shane unhappy about doing something, mostly related to his captain duties, but always pushing through for the sake of team bonding and camaraderie. Or, Shane protecting his privacy.
Hayden had been careful over the years to only sporadically talk about Boston Lily; it was the one thing that was sure to make Shane shut down. Everything else, he would tolerate, and even endure some light teasing about. JJ always got him a beer, teased him for not drinking it, then would gladly take it and drink it for Shane when he snuck out of nights out with the team.
But Boston Lily was something else.
Hayden had noticed her pop up on Shane’s phone five years ago. He hadn’t thought anything of it to start with, but he had noticed that Shane wasn’t exactly the most social guy. He had certainly noticed when Shane’s moods ebbed and flowed, when he took off in certain cities and not in others, when he snuck out of hotel rooms and when he didn’t.
He had tried to push a little two years ago to figure out if Shane was dating her, but he had shut down, practically running out of the hotel room. Then he had come back a few hours later, spent nearly an hour in the shower, and gone to bed before the sun had even set, and Hayden had never mentioned her again.
But he had noticed, and so had JJ, that Lily was back in the picture.
Since their latest season had started, the messages had increased in frequency. There were phone calls now – that was new. Shane had been less available than ever.
It was strange. Hayden would have thought that being closer to Lily would have made him happier, more relaxed, but if anything, he was more on edge than ever.
JJ knocked his elbow, nodding to Shane, busy checking his phone again.
“You think they are in a fight?” JJ asked, his Quebecois accent heavy.
“I don’t think so,” Hayden said, watching as Shane snatched his phone up, clearly receiving a message.
His entire face lit up as he read the text, shaking off his glove to respond to the message.
“Definitely not a fight,” Hayden said.
“Must just be missing her,” JJ said, frowning at Hayden. “You’ve been with Jackie a long time. Is that how it is after years and years?”
“I mean, it would be, if most of our messages weren’t about the kids,” Hayden said.
He loved his kids more than anything in the world, but he was sure if there was a world where he and Jackie weren’t otherwise occupied with their kids and responsibilities, he’d be watching his phone with as much excitement as Shane was right now.
“You think he is in love?” JJ asked.
Hayden watched Shane send his message, chewing on his lip as he smiled at the screen, waiting for a reply. He could tell the moment he got one, because Shane lit up, practically beaming.
“Maybe,” Hayden said.
>>>
“I think Shane has a girlfriend,” Hayden said as Jackie climbed into bed.
She looked gorgeous, in one of his old high school t shirts that had a rip under the armpit and a Benadryl stain on the side.
“Boston Lily?”
Hayden nodded. “I don’t know why he hasn’t told us about her.”
“Maybe it’s casual,” Jackie posited.
“You haven’t seen the way he acts when his phone goes off,” Hayden shook his head. “It’s definitely not casual. It's never been casual.”
“Maybe it’s more casual for Lily than it is for Shane?” Jackie asked. “I mean, she lives in Boston, maybe the distance prevents it from being anything more than that.”
“I can’t imagine doing long distance for years,” Hayden said, wrapping his arm around Jackie’s waist and pulling her close. “It’s bad enough doing roadies every couple of weeks.”
“See, I think I could do long distance,” Jackie teased. “The whole bed to myself, nobody leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor...”
“So I should get traded?” Hayden teased. “Maybe I’ll go to New York. I'll be New York Hayden.”
“No, go somewhere sunny, like LA,” Jackie said. “You can fly me out and take me to the beach.”
Hayden kissed her gently, thankful she was in her arms, and not another country.
“Nah, I don’t think so,” he said softly.
Jackie shook her head, kissing him back, pulling him over her with a smile. He settled between her legs as he kissed her, thankful that he was home as much as he was.
Hayden didn’t know how Shane and Lily did it.
>>>
Hayden smiled at JJ, coming to stand next to him by the doors of the rink. “What are you doing?”
JJ nodded to the parking lot. Hayden followed his eyes, catching sight of Shane, sitting in his car, smiling and laughing to someone on the phone.
“He looks happy,” JJ said.
“Yeah,” Hayden agreed. “Why do you look so bothered?”
JJ frowned as he turned to look at him. “Why do you think he hasn’t told us about her?”
“Lily?”
JJ nodded.
“I mean, he knows we know about her,” Hayden said.
“Yeah, but he doesn’t talk to us about her,” JJ said. “We don’t know anything about her. Is she blonde? What does she do for work? Are they in love? Hollander doesn’t tell us anything.”
“I mean, I think the fact that we know there’s even a Lily is more than most people in his life get,” Hayden said.
He knew Shane well enough to know that nobody else knew about Lily, probably not even his parents.
“I don’t expect him to introduce us, but fuck,” JJ said, sounding pained. “Would be nice if he trusted us.”
“Jackie thinks that maybe they’re not serious,” Hayden suggested. “That Shane’s in love and she’s not.”
“No,” JJ said immediately. “They talk every day. She wouldn’t put all this effort in for someone she doesn’t have feelings for. Plus, it’s Hollander.”
“True,” Hayden acquiesced. Any woman would be insane not to see what a catch Shane was. As offbeat as he was, he was easily the best person Hayden knew.
And objectively, Shane was good looking. Hayden had heard the rookies complain year after year about going to the clubs with Hollander, and how no girls would give them a second look with Shane in the room. He'd been voted the sexiest NHL player year after year, done countless modelling shoots. Hayden had eyes.
“They’re into each other,” JJ said confidently. “We’ve just gotta make Shane wanna tell us about her.”
“How?” Hayden asked.
>>>
JJ’s plan mostly consisted of doing and saying nothing out of the ordinary, which was...surprisingly a good plan. Shane wasn’t great at picking up nuance, so subtle comments wouldn’t have been productive, and he looked like a cornered animal whenever they were direct with him about Lily.
So, it was about balance.
They would wait for Boston Lily to flash up on his phone before JJ would simply include her in the conversation, as if she was a part of their lives already. Like when they had been eating lunch and Shane’s phone buzzed as JJ talked about a new movie in the theatres, and he had casually slipped in that Shane should take Lily because it was a good date night movie, then promptly continued on, not giving Shane time to react.
Surprisingly, Shane had reacted fairly well to it. He had taken it in stride over the last few weeks, barely reacting when JJ casually mentioned Lily. Hayden had followed his lead and started doing it too, but Shane hadn’t brought Lily up of his own accord once.
Until two months into the season, when Shane frowned at his phone, and JJ asked if he was okay.
“Yeah, I just haven’t heard from Lily in a while,” he said.
Hayden had looked wide eyed at JJ, surprised.
“What’s a while?” he tried, sounding as casual as possible.
“We usually check in throughout the day, but I haven’t heard anything since this morning,” Shane said.
“Is she stuck at work?” JJ asked.
“Maybe,” Shane said, not looking up.
“Have you called her?” Hayden asked.
“No,” Shane frowned, finally locking his phone and looking up at them.
“Doesn’t sound like you bug her if you usually talk that often,” Hayden said, looking at JJ. JJ nodded reassuringly.
“Maybe,” Shane said.
“Ice in five,” Theriault shouted into the locker room.
Shane sighed, putting his phone in his cubby face down. “I’ll call after the game.”
Hayden followed JJ and Shane out onto the ice, watching as Shane cleared his head and played a killer first period. They made it all the way through their second period when he heard Comeau talking to Shane about the Centaur’s disastrous game earlier that afternoon.
“I only caught the highlights, but Rozanov went down hard,” Comeau was laughing.
“How hard?” Shane asked.
“Eh, not sure, but he was off the ice for the rest of the game,” Comeau said. “Hospital, probably.”
Hayden sat with Shane, leaning in to talk to Comeau. “Good. Might mean he’s riding the bench when we play the Cens next week.”
“Not that it matters,” Comeau said. “Even with Rozanov, those assholes don’t stand a fucking chance this year.”
“Still, without him there, it’ll be a smoother game for us,” Hayden said.
“I’m not sure it’s worth playing if Rozanov isn’t there,” Shane finally piped up.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Hayden said. “You’re the only one immune to his chirps.”
“If you guys haven’t learned not to react to chirps after all these years, that’s on you,” Shane shook his head, standing and skating back onto the ice.
Hayden watched as Shane absolutely dominated the third period, rushing off the ice as soon as the game was done and leaving the locker room without changing out of his skins, clearly in a rush to get a hold of Lily. Hayden shrugged as he caught JJ’s eye, glad that at the very least, Shane talked about her with them.
>>>
Jackie raised her eyebrow at Hayden as Shane smiled down at his phone, texting quickly before tucking it back in his lap and handing Arthur another piece of pasta.
Shane had seemed so much happier this season. Hayden and JJ hadn’t been too sure about it, but they figured it had something to do with Lily.
She was more constant lately. Shane was on his phone more than ever, but he’d been smiling more than ever. He was happier, joking more. He was more patient on the ice, more relaxed during practice. This year’s rooks were getting the most relaxed version of Shane Hollander that Hayden had ever seen.
“How are your parents, Shane?”
Shane looked up confused for a moment before he smiled. “Oh, they’re good.”
“You spent most of the summer with them, right?” Jackie asked.
“Yeah, we were at the cottage with them,” Shane said absently.
Hayden's eyes cut right to Jackie’s; they were practised at not reacting, but Hayden knew they would be talking about that we later when Shane had left. He waited until dinner was over to text JJ and tell him what Shane had said.
We.
There was a we.
JJ was right; Shane and Lily were serious.
Hayden was going to meet Lily before summer. He was determined.
>>>
“Dude, he said we,” Hayden recounted.
“Okay, okay,” JJ said excitedly as they watched Shane skate out on the ice. “So I was right.”
Hayden rolled his eyes. Of course that was what JJ would get hung up on.
“Sure, yes,” Hayden agreed. “So, what do we do?”
“Nothing,” JJ said. “He’s relaxing around us. That's all we can ask for. We keep doing what we’re doing, and he’ll come to us in his own time.”
“That could be another five years,” Hayden whined.
“No, listen,” JJ said, leaning in closer. “They weren’t serious for years. This we business is new. And he’s already talking to her about it. I think we’re closer than you think.”
Hayden sighed, but it made sense. “So Lily's not new, but the relationship is kind of new.”
JJ nodded. “Exactly. All we have to do is be patient. We've got like three games with Boston already on the schedule. The first game, we say nothing, but maybe the second game, we try to work out if she comes to the games? Maybe she’s been coming and watching him play all this time?”
“Okay,” Hayden agreed, liking the plan. “So we just stay supportive and hope he wants to introduce us?”
“Yeah, this has to be on his own time,” JJ said. “You know what he’s like.”
“Why do you think he hid her all this time?” Hayden asked, watching Shane laugh with Miity out on the ice, his stomach hurting at the idea that Shane not trusting him.
“Isn’t it obvious?” JJ asked. “She’s probably a die hard Raiders fan. Probably wears a Raiders jersey when they fuck.”
Hayden laughed, but he wondered. If that’s all it was, why wouldn’t Shane have told them?
>>>
Shane was in a mood.
It had been six days, and he was becoming insufferable. Hayde had asked if he was okay, and Shane had just said he was fine, terse and stiff. JJ had asked if he was feeling alright, and Shane said he had never felt healthier. Hayden has asked if his parents were well, and Shane had looked confused and said they were great.
On day six, JJ asked if he’d spoken to Lily lately, and Shane smacked his stick against the boards and skated off in a huff.
“Do you think they’re fighting?” JJ asked.
Hayden had no idea. He had figured they had fought for a while two years ago, and it had been horrible; Shane had dated Rose Landry for a few weeks, but he had never been more miserable. Hayden hadn’tseem him crack a smile the entire time, and he was even more on edge than usual. He had been a strange combination of angry and sad and heartbroken and devastated.
But this wasn’t that.
Shane was twitchy, crawling out of his skin. Anxious, maybe. Hayden didn’t think he was angry, but he definitely seemed unhappy.
“We should do something,” JJ suggested. “Maybe we invite him out for a boy’s night.”
“He won’t come out, especially if he’s in a mood,” Hayden said.
“Okay, let’s go to his tonight. Bring some beers, watch a movie, just keep him company,” JJ said. “Maybe we can distract him and get his mind off of whatever’s going on.”
Hayden nodded; that was actually a really good idea. They would be on Shane’s turf, so he’d be comfortable. Hayden was sure he wouldn’t drink, especially not during the season, but he’d be relaxed in his own space, at least.
“That actually might work,” Hayden said. “Grab me on your way in at like seven thirty? I'll put the kids to bed and then we can sort Shane out.”
JJ nodded as he joined Shane out on the ice, getting ready for the next scrimmage.
Hayden was proud of them. They were great friends.
>>>
The house was dark when they pulled up. JJ parked a couple of houses down, grabbing the case of beer he had bought before picking up Hayden. They knocked on the door, faltering when it became clear Shane wasn’t home.
“Should we just go?” Hayden asked.
“It’s not even eight,” JJ said, looking around. “Where would he even be?”
“Maybe he went out to grab food?” Hayden suggested, pulling out his keys.
Shane had given him a spare key for emergencies. Hayden hadn’t used it before, but he figured this was kind of an emergency. He avoided JJ’s eye as he unlocked the door, urging him in and shutting it quickly, resetting the alarm system as they walked into the main room.
“Fuck, I always forget how good the view is here,” JJ said, dropping the beer on the dining table and walking towards the big bay windows.
Shane's new house looked out onto beautiful greenery. Hayden had been surprised when he had rented out his apartment in the city last year and bought this massive house; Jackie had thought it was way toobig for just Shane, but Shane had said that he needed a change of scenery.
“It’s amazing,” Hayden said, going into the kitchen and searching the drawers for a bottle opener.
He frowned when he found it inside the fruit bowl, stepping back and taking a look around the house.
There were blankets strewn across the couch, not folded neatly like Shane usually had them. There was a black peacoat hanging off the back of one of the dining chairs, and two pairs of slides sitting by the front door. There was a tiny whiteboard hanging on the wall above the phone, the entire left hand side covered in tiny scribbles of smiley faces, hearts and stars.
“JJ,” Hayden called, looking around. “Does it look like someone else spends a lot of time here?”
JJ surveyed the room, his eyebrows shooting up as he looked around. “You think Lily has been here?”
“I mean, someone has been,” Hayden guessed. “Shane’s too anal retentive to live like this.”
“Damn, Hollander forced to accept a bit of mess for good pussy, I never thought I'd see the day,” JJ laughed.
“Shane would never leave his place this messy,” Hayden frowned.
“No shit,” JJ said, reaching into the couch cushions and holding up a nearly empty bottle of lube. “Busted, Hollander.”
“We should call him,” Hayden said as JJ tossed the lube back on the couch. “He might be out with Lily and –”
He flinched when he heard a key in the front door, staring at JJ wide eyed. They froze for a long moment, wordlessly debating whether to step into the hallway facing the front door and tell Shane they were there, when they heard the unmistakable sounds of kissing.
JJ shook his head at Hayden, and Hayden panicked. He tiptoed out of the kitchen and waved JJ over to the hallway on the right, pointing to the bedrooms.
“We gotta hide,” he hissed.
JJ nodded, grabbing Hayden and running into the furthest bedroom down the hall. It wasn’t until they were inside that Hayden realised –
“This is the master you fucking idiot,” Hayden hissed, panicked.
They looked around, unsure of what to do, grimacing at the low murmuring coming from the main part of the house. Hayden could feel panic rising as the noise got closer, grabbing JJ and yanking him into the huge walk in closet, praying that Shane and Lily would fuck on the couch or something.
“Fuck,” JJ whispered as the bedroom door opened, squeezing his eyes shut and sitting on the floor behind the door, making himself small, as the sounds of kissing and clothes hitting the floor became unmistakable.
Hayden shushed him, plastering himself to the opposite wall and bringing his knees up to his chest, trying to plan his next move.
They were terrible friends. They should have called or texted Shane. They could have said hey, we swung by for a drink! And Shane could have told them to beat it, or he could have said cool, Lily’s in town, you can meet her!
Instead, they had broken into his house, hid in his closet and were listening to Shane about to have sex.
Shane and sex didn’t sound right together, but in a weird way, Hayden was glad to know that Shane was having sex. The guy was wound so fucking tight that he was just glad to get confirmation that he had an outlet.
“Jesus Christ,” Shane murmured, clear as a bell through the doors. “A week is too fucking long.”
Hayden felt all his blood drain out of his body when he realised the closet door was ajar, light coming through. JJ thankfully didn’t seem to realise it, resting against his knees, still curled into a ball. Hayden kept his eyes down as he tried to think about an exit strategy, about how to get out undetected –
“Needy fucking slut,” a deep, heavily accented voice replied to him.
JJ sat straight up, his eyes locking with Hayden’s.
They knew that voice. They knew that Russian accent. That voice had been chirping at them relentlessly for nearly a decade.
“Ilya,” Shane begged.
Ilya.
Ilya.
Ilya Rozanov.
Hayden blinked, sure that the bewildered expression JJ was wearing matched his own.
Shane Hollander was kissing Ilya Rozanov right now?
He looked around the closet, decidedly not looking through the crack in the door that faced the bed, and paid attention.
The closet was clearly split into two. On one side, where JJ was curled up, were the familiar plain black and navy suits Hayden had seen Shane in over the years. Linen shirts, soft sweatpants, fleece sweaters, Reeboks lined up underneath the clothes.
On the other side above Hayden, everything was black, slightly more high end. Silk shirts, Adidas sweaters, shiny black boots on a shoe rack by the door.
“JJ,” Hayden mouthed, waving to get his attention and pointing to the clothes.
JJ looked around, his jaw dropping. Just then, Shane let out a moan so loud, Hayden actually recoiled away from the door.
The door doesn’t shut properly, I need to get the contractor back, Hayden remembers Shane saying when he moved in. Sure enough, the door was ajar by nearly two inches.
He was scared to look through the crack. He knew if he saw for sure that it was Rozanov, if he got confirmation that it was really him, he’d never be able to look him or Shane in the eye again.
Hayden had heard Rozanov call him a fucking slut. What kind of fucking asshole spoke to someone they were about to have sex with that way?
But Shane – their Shane, was currently kissing Ilya Rozanov, in a house that he had allowed Rozanov to keep some of his things. Their Shane moaned when Rozanov called him a fucking slut. Their Shane was begging for Rozanov’s dick right now.
Hayden shook his head as he thought about it, his stomach dropping at how much this all seemed to make sense now. The clothes in the closet. Shane and Rose Landry two years ago. Boston.
“Rozanov is Boston Lily,” he breathed.
JJ’s face fell as he stared at him. “No,” he mouthed.
Hayden nodded, his jaw clenched.
They were silent as the kissing in the bedroom sounded more intense, Shane moaning and Rozanov panting. Hayden flinched as Rozanov said something in Russian, shaking his head at how fucking rude he was.
He fucking hated this guy. He was always such a fucking dick, and now he was saying something to Shane that he couldn’t even fucking understand in an intimate moment –
Hayden's jaw dropped as Shane said something back to Rozanov in Russian. Rozanov laughed, muttering something back in Russian again that made Shane laugh in response. Hayden chanced a look up at JJ, who was shaking his head, his face pale.
“We have to get out of here,” JJ mouthed.
Hayden nodded. They absolutely did. They couldn’t stay in here and listen to Shane –
“Oh my god,” Shane moaned, breathy and low.
Hayden pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to think. They needed to get the fuck out of here. They couldn’t sit here and listen to Shane and Rozanov fucking.
Fucking.
Shane was fucking Rozanov.
Hayden didn’t understand how this happened. How the fuck these two had fallen into bed together, let alone seemed to be sharing a life together somehow.
Hayden leaned against the wall, thinking about it.
Boston Lily. Rozanov was from Boston.
Shane had always been in a better mood when they played the Raiders – even Hayden had noticed that over the years.
Years. It had to have been years.
Rozanov moved to Ottawa. Fucking Ottawa. Had he moved for Shane? Had they waited out Rozanov’s contract so they could be together?
No, that didn’t make any sense. Rozanov had always been a ladies man. Sure, it seemed like he’d calmed down a lot over the last two years, but...
He flinched when Shane cried out. Hayden’s eyes followed the noise instinctively, looking through the crack in the door –
He could see the bed.
Fuck, he could see Shane and Rozanov.
Hayden looked over at JJ, grateful that he had his head tucked against his knees, and couldn’t see Hayden watching Shane. Thank god. At least Hayden would be able to keep an eye on them and make sure they had a chance to try and hide if they came towards the closet.
But judging by the looks of them, they wouldn’t be moving for a while.
Shane was naked, flat on his stomach as Rozanov loomed over him, fully dressed, pressing kisses down his spine. Hayden frowned; there was something about the way Rozanov was lording over him that Hayden didn’t like. As if he was forcing Shane to cower beneath him or something.
Shane and Rozanov were pretty much the same size, so there was something...off, about the way Rozanov made Shane defer to him. It made Hayden wonder what exactly was between the two of them as Rozanov manhandled Shane roughly, forcing his arms behind his back and spreading his legs, knocking them apart with his knee.
Hayden watched as Rozanov moved further down Shane’s body, averting his eyes so he didn’t see anything he wasn’t supposed to; this was too intimate to look at, Shane laying there open and ready like that.
He knew Shane was a good looking man. He'd seen him naked at least five times a week every week for the last eight years; he was no stranger to Shane’s body. But he had never looked before.
He watched Rozanov stare at Shane, his hands running reverently down his bare back, groping at his ass, moving down his thighs, pinching softly before grazing down his calves before coming back up.
Shane looked like he was in heaven as he arched his hips up. Rozanov moved fast, slapping his ass hard as Shane moaned. The slap echoed through his ears, making his skin crawl.
Shane deserved much, much better treatment than this.
“Bol'she,” Shane said breathily. “Please.”
Hayden could feel JJ shake his head and move further back into the closet, but he couldn’t help but look back through the crack in the door, clenching his fist as Rozanov climbed off the bed, kneeling by the edge and grabbing Shane by the ankles and flipping him over –
He held his breath as Rozanov yanked Shane down the bed, burying his face between his –
Well, fuck, Hayden thought, unable to look away. He’d watched a fair bit of porn in his life, but he’d never seen a guy give another guy a blow job before. Rozanov was kind of a pro at this; he took Shane down to the base, not even choking around him as he bobbed his head more expertly than the women Hayden had seen to do this for a living on Pornhub. Hayden was...weirdly impressed. Shane was a big dude, six feet tall and stacked with muscle, and his dick was...nice? Hayden wasn’t sure exactly what made a dick great, he’d have to ask Jackie about that, but he could see through the crack in the door that Shane had a really decent dick. Big. Thick.
And Rozanov was swallowing him down like it was nothing.
He looked away as his thoughts got wilder and weirder, listening to Shane pant and moan and cry as wet slurping sounds filled the room. Hayden looked at JJ, who had his hands locked behind his head, his biceps covering his ears.
They had to get the fuck out of here. Hayden did not want a front row seat to whatever was going to happen next.
He certainly didn’t keep watching through the crack in the door as Rozanov pulled off of Shane, kissing his way up Shane’s stomach, reaching for a small bottle in the bedsheets and –
Lube, Hayden realised, watching Rozanov pour what looked like an excessive amount onto his fingers. Hayden knew all about lube; he and Jackie were active enough to be using lube regularly, but they never used that much.
Hayden felt like a fucking idiot when Rozanov smacked Shane on the thigh, watching as Shane held his legs up by his sides and watching as Rozanov pressed his fingers inside Shane, and Hayden realised why they needed so much lube.
He'd never done anal before. He and Jackie had floated the idea when they were much younger, before the kids, but she hadn’t really been into it, so he hadn’t pushed. He never wanted to do something Jackie didn’t want to do. But Hayden had always been a little curious.
He kept an eye on Shane, making sure he was okay, but Rozanov seemed...surprisingly gentle. Shane looked totally relaxed as Rozanov fingered him open, sprawled out leisurely against the sheets while Rozanov muttered something in Russian.
Hayden couldn’t believe his ears when Shane spoke back to him in Russian. He knew he spoke French, but fuck. How long had he been around Rozanov, really spent time with him, to share a fucking house and a language with him?
It made sense, why Shane never told them, Hayden was realising. They hated Rozanov, and he was sure the first thing he would have said was that Shane could do better.
But watching from his curled up spot in the closet, as Shane spread his legs for Rozanov and Rozanov leaned down to kiss him desperately, holding his face reverently while Shane scrambled to unzip his jeans for him, it weirdly...made sense.
Hayden thought about the games they had played against the Raiders throughout the years, how Shane had always played harder, and how Rozanov had skated faster than usual against Shane. They were the only two players in the league who could really keep up with each other. It was like nobody else on the ice even existed when those two were together.
It makes so much sense, Hayden realised as he did his best not to watch Rozanov fuck his best friend, doing everything in his power to ignore the frankly obscene noises they were both making. Shane was the most disciplined athlete Hayden had ever come across, and Rozanov was like Shane’s very own flip side. Where Shane dieted and restricted himself, Rozanov was photographed at least once a week walking into practice with takeaway for breakfast. And where Rozanov charmed people, flirting and chirping and fighting, Shane was carefully blank, never reacting, always so careful by how he acted in front of everybody.
Two sides of the same coin if Hayden had ever seen it.
He looked at JJ, still tucked into a tight ball and pretending none of this was happening, before he looked out to the bedroom again, curious.
Not about the sex, though Rozanov was certainly packing, and they both seemed to be having a grand old time. But the way Rozanov stared at Shane, kissing him every chance he could. The way Shane clung to him, his hands clamped to his arms, running through his hair. How Shane and Rozanov shared the same breath, so close, that Hayden was sure even if he burst out of the closet and started doing some of the Christina Aguilera choreography his older sister had made him learn as a teenager, they wouldn’t even notice he was there.
Hayden realised, as he watched Shane and Rozanov stare at each other, their eyes wet and their lips touching, barely kissing, that he’d seen that look before.
It's the way he and Jackie looked at each other.
Hayden flinched when Rozanov moved at lightning speed, unsure of what was happening for a second until he realised Rozanov was holding Shane down, pinning him to the bed by the throat and pinning Shane’s wrists above his head as he fucked him too roughly. For a split second, Hayden considered getting up and helping Shane –
He froze when he realised Shane was coming as Rozanov held him down, crying out and moaning, unable to move.
Hayden closed his eyes, mimicking JJ’s position across from him.
He didn’t need to see that. He knew too entirely too much about Shane now. He shouldn’t know any of these things about Shane, like how he liked to get fucked, and he sure as hell didn’t want to know anything about Rozanov, like how he liked to fuck.
Shane liked being held down. Shane liked being fucked rough and dirty. Shane could come just from being fucked, which isn’t something Hayden even knew was possible. He'd only ever come from – well, not doing that. He’d never so much as touched his ass before.
Hayden stared down at his feet as Shane started mumbling, but Rozanov’s voice cut through the noise.
“Two more, I think,” he said.
Hayden swore he heard JJ whine as if he were in pain.
He kept his head down, not daring to move an inch, as they listened to Rozanov get two more orgasms out of Shane. They didn’t stop for a moment, not even to catch their breath. Hayden had no idea how they were doing it.
He hoped that they’d have some sort of minor car accident on the way home; not enough to hurt them, but enough to give them a concussion, maybe some mild amnesia. Scramble the events of tonight. Take them back to a time, mentally, where they had never seen or heard Shane having sex with Rozanov.
Rough sex. Hard, borderline violent, aggressive, flexible, prolonged, desperate, long sex that Hayden in a million years never would have guessed Shane fucking Hollander of all people was capable of having.
Of receiving.
By the time Rozanov finally came, it felt like a relief. Hayden didn’t even know someone could fuck for that long without a single break. He refused to be impressed, but...he was curious about Rozanov’s stamina. Though he supposed having as much practice as Rozanov did being a slut helped.
Hayden looked up just as Rozanov pulled out of Shane, and –
Maybe he didn’t need to see Rozanov pushing Shane’s knees to his chest as he pressed two fingers into Shane, repeatedly pushing his come back inside him.
I could have lived my entire life without seeing that, Hayden thought.
It was a while before Shane seemed to catch his breath. He could hardly make out the soft talking between them, but he heard feet finally hit the floor and the sound of the shower turning on.
“No,” Shane whined.
“Fine, stay there,” Rozanov said. “I will shower alone.”
Hayden chanced a look up, grimacing when he saw Rozanov standing by the edge of the bed, naked and proud, his arms crossed over his chest. Shane sighed and held out his hand for Rozanov to take, pulling him out of the bed and leading him to the ensuite next to the closet.
JJ finally unfurled himself from the ball he’d curled into when Hayden reached over and tapped his knee, nodding to the door.
“We need to go,” he whispered.
JJ nodded, his jaw set, as they waited a moment for Shane and Rozanov to climb into the shower. The sound of the water changed after a few moments, hitting the ground harder as it moved around them. They waited until they heard Shane and Rozanov bicker about who got to stand under the water before they moved, Hayden sticking his head out of the closet and grabbing JJ by the arm, nodding at him.
They moved faster than they’d ever even moved on the ice.
They were out of the bedroom and down the hallway in seconds, JJ splitting off to grab the case of beer and meeting Hayden at the front door in before Hayden had even pulled out his keys. He unlocked the door, reset the alarm, and locked the door behind them, following JJ out onto the street and into his car.
Hayden was silent as JJ started the car and sped off down the street, getting all the way into the neighbouring suburb before JJ finally spoke.
“What the actual fuck was that?”
>>>
Hayden shook his head as they sat in his driveway, trying to make sense of what had happened.
“I mean, they – they're together, I think,” Hayden said. “They seemed, you know. Like, that house was a home for two people.”
“Fucking Rozanov,” JJ said in disbelief. “Hollander fucking hates him.”
“Does he?” Hayden wondered. “He’s never actually talked shit about Rozanov.”
“Yes, he has,” JJ scoffed.
“No, he hasn’t,” Hayden realised. “We talk shit about Rozanov and he either disagrees or says nothing.”
He's an asshole, Hayden remembered saying. Shane had said it’s all an act.
What a dick, Hayden had said countless times. He knows what people want from him, Shane had shrugged.
He's such a fucking showboat, Hayden had complained. Well, he’s got the talent to back it up.
Hayden shook his head. “JJ, he’s never talked shit about Rozanov.”
He could see it in JJ’s eyes that he knew it was true.
“He’s our fucking enemy,” JJ said. “This is fucking wrong.”
“Maybe this is why he never told us,” Hayden said, staring out the window. “You hear how the boys talk in the locker room. On the ice. That on top of the Rozanov thing?”
JJ sighed dramatically. “He wouldn’t have a career.”
“No,” Hayden agreed. “Fuck.”
“Fuck,” JJ agreed. “What do we do?”
Hayden closed his eyes and tipped his head back, thinking. “We go back to what we were doing before. Make it a safe space for him to bring up Lily. Let him come to us about things. Pretend tonight never happened.”
“Boston Lily,” JJ shook his head. “Ilya Rozanov. Leave it to Hollander to come up with the dumbest fucking code names in history.”
“Not that dumb,” Hayden defended. “We didn’t guess it for what, eight years?”
JJ scoffed. “Fine, he gets that one.”
Hayden looked at his watch. It was almost eleven pm.
Rozanov had really fucked Shane for more than two hours. Impressive, Hayden thought.
“We can’t even tell him about tonight,” Hayden said sternly. “He’d never forgive us.”
“I know,” JJ said. “I wish I didn’t hear the things I heard, though.”
“You think that’s bad,” Hayden said. “I think I saw a little bit through the door.”
JJ’s jaw dropped as he stared at him. “Who was – you know.”
Hayden raised an eyebrow, daring JJ to say it.
“I mean, I think I know, but who –?”
Hayden shook his head. “Some gay guys like swap, right? There's a word for it?”
JJ pulled out his phone and started googling. “Vers. Switching. Maybe they switch?”
Hayden made a face at that; he didn’t want to think about Shane having sex more than he already had tonight. Something twisted in his stomach as he looked at JJ.
“Just to be clear, I don’t care that Shane’s into guys,” Hayden said sternly.
“Neither do I,” JJ said. “It’s just Rozanov, you know? The fuck is that all about?”
“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But we gotta give Shane space to tell us why.”
JJ held out his pinky finger. Hayden smirked and wrapped his own pinky around it, shaking it twice. The twins had been very into pinky promises lately, and JJ had been a victim of one of Jade’s pinky promises last week when he was over for dinner, getting roped into swapping her broccoli for his french fries when he failed to catch a fry on his tongue.
“We say nothing,” JJ promised.
>>>
Hayden laid flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, before he realised that this was how he had spent over two hours of his night watching Shane. He shuffled onto his side, listening as Jackie switched off the hallway lights and finally walked into the bedroom.
“How was Shane?” Jackie asked as she kicked off her sweatpants and climbed into bed.
“Honestly, we didn’t talk to him tonight,” Hayden said.
Jackie frowned as she mirrored his position, laying on her side with her hands tucked under her head. “You guys were gone for a while, though.”
Hayden figured we say nothing didn’t apply to the woman he had shared his life with for ten years.
“JJ and I used my key to get into his house to put the beer in the fridge, but Shane came home with someone,” Hayden rushed out. “We went to hide in one of the spare rooms so we could sneak out, but we ended up in his closet and we kind of listened to him have sex for a couple of hours before we could finally sneak out.”
He grimaced as he looked at Jackie, her hazel eyes wide with shock. “You – what?”
“Boston Lily,” Hayden said, because he couldn’t stop, and he needed to talk about it, but there were things about tonight that he and JJ were certainly never going to be able to talk about.
“Wait, you saw her?” Jackie asked, sitting up excitedly. “Who is she? Is she someone famous?”
“Kind of,” Hayden said. “And she’s not a she.”
Jackie looked surprised, thinking. “You know what, that makes sense.”
“It does?” Hayden asked.
“Doesn’t it?”
Hayden frowned. He supposed it did.
“So wait – he's famous?” Jackie asked.
“Rozanov,” Hayden said quietly.
Jackie made a shocked sound as she stared down at him. “I’m sorry. Are you saying Boston Lily is Ilya fucking Rozanov?”
Hayden nodded.
“Oh my god,” Jackie trilled. “No, wait – he moved to Ottawa for Shane. Holy shit, Hayd, he gave up everything for Shane. This is serious.”
“What?”
“Babe, the Raiders built the entire franchise around Rozanov,” Jackie said. “He would have gone down in the hall of fame as the Raider. But he gave that all up to move to Ottawa of all fucking places. They're the worst team in the league. He emigrated to a new country for a second time for Shane.”
Hayden frowned, considering. “That could just be a coincidence.”
But he knew it wasn’t. He'd seen their shared closet, the mess in Shane’s house. It was lived in, by two people. It was homey, comfortable.
Relaxed.
Not a word anyone ever associated with Shane.
“There was no reason for Rozanov to leave Boston,” Jackie said. “Especially not to move to Ottawa.”
Hayden hated that she was probably right.
“So Shane and Rozanov are – a couple,” Hayden said, grimacing at the words. “It feels so wrong.”
“Does it?” Jackie asked. “How were they together?”
Hayden felt himself blush. Jackie clearly noticed, because she grabbed his forearm excitedly.
“Oh my god, what were they like?”
“Jackie, they had sex for hours,” Hayden said, his face on fire. “They didn’t stop, they didn’t take a single break. They just went at it, and Rozanov is fucking hung –”
“Wait, how do you know that?” Jackie said, her eyes wide.
Hayden shook his head, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. “I kind of saw them.”
Jackie's jaw dropped as she climbed into his lap, sitting on him. Briefly, Hayden thought about the positions he had seen Shane in earlier that night.
“How did they look?” Jackie asked.
Hayden answered the way he always did for his wife – honestly. “Pretty fucking hot.”
Jackie looked interested as she ground her hips down against his, clearly able to feel him getting hard. Hayden moved his hands to her hips, squeezing gently.
“Rozanov was like, really rough, but really gentle at the same time,” Hayden tried to explain. “I’ve never seen anything like it. And Shane just – just took it. Kept taking it. Kept begging for more. It was insane.”
Jackie bit her lip, listening intently.
“They were just all over each other the entire time. Rozanov was speaking Russian, and Shane understood him,” Hayden said. “Spoke Russian back. And they just couldn’t get enough of each other. Keptkissing, kept touching. I didn’t even know guys could come that many times in a row.”
Jackie’s eyes were a little glazed over. “How rough?” she asked in a faraway voice.
Hayden moved fast, earning his title of athlete. He flipped them so Jackie was on her back, pinning her wrists above her head and grounding his erection down against her mound.
“They spent a lot of time like this,” Hayden said.
Jackie nodded minutely. Hayden bent lower to kiss her, letting go of one arm and trusting her to keep it up as he shoved his shorts down and her underwear to the side, pressing inside her.
It should have been weird, thinking about his best friend and Rozanov and lube and crying and screaming and whispers in Russian, but in that moment, it wasn’t.
Hayden would worry about what was appropriate and what wasn’t tomorrow.
>>>
He tried not to make a face at the way Shane grimaced when he sat on the bench to lace up his skates, but Hayden could tell from the look on JJ’s face that he had caught it too. Hayden shook his head before he turned back to his own cubby.
“Good weekend?” he asked, the way he did after every day off in their schedule.
“Yeah,” Shane shrugged. “Standard weekend.”
Hayden looked at JJ, eyebrow raised curiously. “And what is a standard Shane Hollander weekend?”
Shane looked amused as he tightened his skates. “Working out, reading, rewatching the games from this week. The usual.”
JJ opened his mouth to say something, shutting it when Shane’s phone buzzed. Hayden sat to lace up his skates, freezing when JJ finally spoke.
“When did Lily become Lily?”
Hayden looked up, panicked, but Shane didn’t seem too bothered.
“I figured Boston Lily was kind of rude,” Shane shrugged.
“Now that you guys are..?” JJ let the sentence hang, but Shane didn’t seem bothered to finish it.
“Yeah,” he said, smiling down at his phone as he typed out a response.
Smiling. Shane Hollander was smiling at his phone. At whatever Rozanov, presumably, was texting him.
Hayden stood and reached into his cubby for his jersey, chancing a look down at Shane’s screen. What he saw was...sickeningly adorable.
Only four more days until we can wake up together again
I can’t sleep without you snoring
He hated to admit it, but Jackie was right. Shane and Rozanov were in love. Hayden couldn’t have even disputed it if he wanted to. It was just a fact.
>>>
It was business as usual for two weeks. Hayden had almost forgotten what he and JJ had seen until they were due to play Ottawa.
Shane was buzzing with anticipation, the way he only ever did with play off games, or when they played Boston.
He was excited.
Hayden couldn’t believe he had never noticed this before. Now that he knew, it was so obvious.
It was even worse when they got out onto the ice. Hayden stood by the bench with JJ, watching as Shane and Rozanov stretched on opposite sides of the rink with their teams, catching each others eyes.
“Has it been like this the whole time?” JJ asked him quietly.
“I think it has,” Hayden said.
It was much, much worse when the game started.
Shane and Rozanov had always orbited each other on the ice, seemingly always knowing where the other one was, even without looking. Hayden knew that feeling; no matter how many people were in the room, he could always feel where Jackie was. He always knew when she walked in.
Watching them chase after the puck and jostle each other felt exactly the same as watching them kissing. Hayden could tell JJ felt the same when he caught his eye after a play, shaking his head slightly. Shane and Rozanov were like two puppies on the ice, playing together, so happy to be chasing one another in circles.
What Hayden had thought was a genuine rivalry was just...two people in love playing together. It was ridiculous. Hayden wondered he hadn’t even considered how long this had been going on for; when had it turned from a rivalry to this? He and Jackie would have to do some investigating later tonight.
Hayden hit his tipping point during the last period.
Shane had gotten a hold of the puck, Hayden right on his tail in case he needed to pass the puck back. Rozanov came out of nowhere and smacked Shane into the boards. Hayden flinched, but he caught Rozanov’s delighted smile and the way Shane bit his lip.
“Too fucking slow, Hollander,” Rozanov taunted before he pulled away from Shane.
Shane was flushed, his cheeks red, as he scoffed and skated off after the puck, Rozanov already ahead of him.
Foreplay. Hockey was their foreplay.
Hayden was relieved when the game was over. He needed to go home and talk to Jackie about all the new thoughts tumbling around in his mind.
They needed to work out how long exactly this had gone on for.
>>>
They were in their second hour of watching YouTube compilations made by fans of Shane and Rozanov during press conferences and on the ice when Hayden caught it.
A game two years ago where Shane and Rozanov had been especially on edge. Hayden remembered that game; it was a home game for them, and Shane had been frazzled, distracted. He had barely paid attention to the puck all night.
Because he was looking at Rozanov.
And Rozanov wasn’t looking at him.
But he had thrown Shane into the boards, hard. Rozanov looked furious, and Shane had bitten his lip and blushed, but Rozanov had pulled away as if it burned him to touch Shane, and Shane had swayed as if he was trying to follow Rozanov’s touch.
“Was this when Shane was dating Rose?” Jackie asked quietly.
Hayden nodded. “Fuck. We thought Boston Lily had broken Shane’s heart or something. He was so sad, and then he was with Rose.”
“Someone’s acting like the heartbroken ex, and it’s not Shane,” Jackie said.
Fuck. There was so much about Shane that Hayden didn’t know, and so much about Rozanov that he’d gotten wrong.
>>>
“Did he tell you why he wanted to do lunch?” JJ asked.
Jackie shook her head as she passed JJ a large serving bowl of salad to put on the table. “No, he just said he had some news.”
“Do you think he’s going to tell us?” JJ asked.
“Probably not,” Hayden said. “It’s Shane. This is probably step one of a two hundred and seventy four step program to tell us about him and Rozanov.”
“You’re probably right,” JJ said. “It just sucks that there’s so much of his life he isn’t telling us.”
Hayden nodded. He knew how JJ felt. They'd been by Shane’s side for a decade; if he couldn’t tell them about this huge part of his life that he’d worked so hard to hide, it had to mean that they’d failed him somehow.
Hayden wasn’t totally ready to think about that yet, though.
He and JJ straightened up when Shane knocked on the door, waiting as Jackie went to answer it and let him in.
Shane looked...happy. He looked like he’d been sleeping and eating better than ever, a bounce in his step and –
A fucking hickey poking out of the neckline in his sweater.
“Hollander,” JJ greeted. Shane smiled and waved awkwardly, saying hi to JJ as Jackie ushered them all to sit and start eating.
They chatted for a while about hockey and their upcoming games before Shane cleared his throat and sat stick straight.
“Hey, so, I had some news I wanted to share with you guys,” he said.
Hayden swore he stopped breathing as he waited for whatever Shane was going to announce.
“I’m, uh, I’m starting a charity,” Shane said.
The confused silence that settled over the table clearly unnerved Shane, whose face fell.
“That’s amazing,” Hayden said quickly. “What kind of charity?”
Shane settled a little. “For mental health. We're um, we’re gonna run summer camps for kids to play hockey,” Shane explained. “Give kids the tools to learn healthy coping mechanisms, provide mental health support.”
“We?” Jackie asked innocently.
“Yeah. I'm uh, I’m actually starting it with Rozanov,” Shane said.
Hayden raised an eyebrow as he looked between Jackie and JJ; it was more than any of them had expected to get out of Shane today.
“You and Rozanov?” JJ asked.
“We’ve known each other for a long time,” Shane shrugged. “He reached out when he was talking about moving to Ottawa. It just kind of came up.”
Hayden tried to keep his face neutral; a charity made no sense. He couldn’t understand why the two of them would bother with this. “What does Rozanov know about mental health,” he joked.
It was the wrong thing to say, Hayden saw that immediately. Shane’s shoulders tensed and his jaw set, his face going carefully blank.
“We’re calling it the Irina Foundation,” Shane said. “In honour of Rozanov’s mother. She committed suicide when he was twelve.”
The silence that settled over the room was heavy. It made Hayden feel sick. JJ was staring at Shane like he was seeing something he had never seen before, and Jackie was glaring at Hayden, disappointment clear on her face. Shane, however, was staring at the empty space between Hayden and Jackie, doing that thing he did where he averted his eyes in the hopes of nobody seeing his fury.
“Shit, I didn’t know,” Hayden said. “And he lost his dad too, right? Not that long ago.”
Shane nodded. “Dementia. Over a few years. Rozanov’s pretty much been on his own since I met him when we were seventeen. So he knows all about mental health.”
That settled like a lead weight in Hayden’s stomach. He thought about the way Rozanov had stared at Shane that night; how he had held his face and stared into his eyes like Shane was his whole world, kissing him with a reverence Hayden had never seen another person show before.
Shane was his whole world. Rozanov had no family, no Raiders, no country he could go back to. Hayden had seen the news about Russia – he knew that the second Rozanov announced he was with a man, he wouldn’t be able to call Russia home anymore.
Shane really was Rozanov’s whole world.
Shane had seen a scared, lonely kid navigating the world with grief and fear and extended his kindness from day one. He had never called Rozanov any names, never played into the rivalry that everyone had claimed they had. Never played along when the boys in the locker room attacked Rozanov, even playfully. Shane had always set the record straight, bluntly stating that Rozanov was the best player in the league, and that the Metros needed to work harder, not chirp harder.
Jackie had even pointed it out; Rozanov never chirped at Shane, other than the odd I'm gonna win during their face offs. When reporters tried to coax Rozanov into shit talking Shane, Rozanov side stepped them every single time, throwing out words that were shaped like chirps, but with fresh ears sounded more like...flirting.
Shane knew about Rozanov’s family shit. That was real relationship stuff. They were real.
“The charity sounds amazing, Shane,” Jackie said, her tone soothing. “How can we help?”
Shane seemed to snap into business mode at that; back on safer ground, talking logistics.
“Well, we’re launching it officially next month,” Shane said. “We need hockey players to donate their time to teach the kids at the camps here in Montreal.”
“Count me in,” JJ said automatically.
“Me too,” Hayden said.
Shane smiled and thanked them, his shoulders finally relaxing, but Hayden knew he had fucked up and probably set Shane back quite a bit in opening up to him.
He was going to do better. He was determined.
>>>
“Did you know any of that about Rozanov?” JJ asked the next day as they set up cones for practice while the rest of the boys were still getting dressed.
“No,” Hayden said. “Ruby and Jade are ten now. I can’t even imagine – that’s not much younger than Rozanov losing his mother.”
“Do you think –” JJ stopped, looking around and skating closer to Hayden, even though no one else was on the ice with them. “Do you think they’re starting this as a way to spend more time together? Ottawa is closer than Boston, but it’s still a four hour round trip.”
Hayden frowned as he considered that. “Shit, probably.”
“This is fucked,” JJ said. “All this work just to be together.”
“Yeah,” Hayden said. “It’s been years, hasn't it.”
“I guess so,” JJ said. “He said since they were seventeen. That has to mean something.”
“We need to play this smarter,” Hayden said.
“How?”
“Be more obvious in how supportive we are?”
JJ sighed, but nodded. “Okay, but we can’t scare him off.”
“I don’t think we can,” Hayden said. “He snapped at me yesterday. He doesn’t do that.”
“And that’s...good?” JJ asked.
“Honestly? I think so,” Hayden said.
“So what? We push?”
“Maybe a little?”
>>>
“I can’t fucking believe we’re doing this again,” JJ muttered.
“We’re gonna do it right this time,” Hayden said lowly, ringing the doorbell.
They waited for a long moment, hearing shuffling inside, putting on their best smiles as Shane answered the door. He looked confused as he took them in sweats and a t shirt that was just a little too big for him.
Rozanov’s shirt.
“Hollander,” JJ smiled, holding up a case of beer. The case of beer that hadn’t been touched in six weeks. “Been a shit week. What do you say to guy’s night?”
“Oh, um –” Shane looked behind him nervously, but JJ pushed his way past as if Shane wasn’t hesitating.
Rozanov was there, Hayden could sense it. Shane was too on edge.
Hayden followed JJ into the house, looking as neutral as possible, only freezing when he saw Rozanov sitting at the table with a laptop.
“Dagenais, Pike,” Rozanov nodded. “Me and Hollander were just doing some work for the foundation.”
Hayden nodded, playing along. It wasn’t necessarily convincing, given that he was sitting there in house slippers and his hair was clearly...messy. But JJ and Hayden played along quickly, playing dumb.
“Beer?” JJ offered, dropping the case on the table and ripping the box open.
Rozanov nodded, and JJ pulled out three beers, passing one to each of them.
“Hollander?” JJ offered.
Shane shook his head. “Not during the season.”
JJ nodded, like he expected the answer, nudging Hayden and sitting at the table. Hayden and Shane were both standing around awkwardly, slowly moving to the table.
Hayden noted the way Shane sat next to Rozanov, their bodies angling towards each other without them seeming to notice. He pointedly didn’t look at JJ.
“Well, we volunteer our services,” Hayden said.
“Amazing,” Rozanov said. “Fifteenth best player in the league, what a catch.”
JJ snorted into his beer. Hayden rolled his eyes; it had been too much to assume the chirps would calm down.
“Dagenais, at least you are top ten, very impressive,” Rozanov continued. “Three top ten players and Pike. The children will be so excited.”
Hayden grit his teeth. Over five hundred players in the league; fifteenth was nothing to sneeze at.
“We appreciate you volunteering,” Shane said pointedly.
Hayden stayed silent, nodding instead.
“We have you guys, Scott Hunter, a couple of the Cens,” Shane listed.
“Marley,” Rozanov added.
“Oh really?” Shane asked.
Rozanov nodded, resting his head on his hand and looking softly at Shane. “He owes me many, many favours.”
Shane smiled softly back at Rozanov before he seemed to remember Hayden and JJ were there, carefully schooling his face into something more detached.
“We’re hoping once we make the announcement, we’ll have more players come and help out,” Shane said.
“I’m sure they will,” Hayden said.
This was a mistake. Again. At least it wasn’t as bad as the last time they had shown up uninvited, but Hayden just couldn’t shake the sense that they were intruding. He looked around surreptitiously, noting the two mugs on the coffee table and the nest of blankets on the couch. The television was on, muted on ESPN, and the kitchen counter had two empty plates stacked by the sink next to an empty pot. They were clearly wearing each others shirts, and the longer Hayden looked at them, the more he realised that both of their hair was fluffy and messy.
They were so domestic that Hayden felt his heart break a little.
How long had they been living like this? Totally hidden away? How long had Shane wanted to just live his life like a normal person with Rozanov?
“Hey, I think this is great,” Hayden said before he could stop himself. JJ looked at him sharply, but Hayden kept on. “The foundation – it's amazing. It's gonna help a lot of kids.”
He looked at Rozanov as he said it, but Rozanov was looking at Shane.
“Was Shane’s idea,” Rozanov said.
Hayden raised an eyebrow as he looked at Shane, who was blushing.
“It feels like the least we can do,” he shrugged.
“Well, I support it. And anything you do,” Hayden said.
It was maybe a little too much. Hayden saw the way Rozanov’s eyes cut to him too fast. JJ smiled next to him, finishing off the last of his beer.
“You guys probably have work to do,” JJ said, standing up. “Let us know what dates you need us, we’ll make it work.”
Rozanov nodded, staying seated as Shane stood to walk them out. Hayden watched Rozanov watch him, one eyebrow raised, his mouth twitching, before he turned away, following JJ out the door.
“Hey man, sorry to crash,” JJ said as Shane walked them out onto the porch. “We should have called.”
“It’s okay,” Shane shrugged. “Not like I had a girl over.”
“Well, yeah, imagine if we had walked in on you and Boston Lily,” Hayden joked.
Shane made a choked sound that he hoped was supposed to be a laugh as he waved them off. JJ followed him into the car, sighing as they pulled out of the driveway.
“Okay, so that didn’t work,” JJ frowned as Hayden drove them back home.
“So what do we try now?”
>>>
They laid low for the next three weeks. They didn’t do anything too much differently, but Hayden had started using rainbow tape on his hockey stick. Scott Hunter had nodded at him when they’d played the Admirals, and even let Hayden bail him up on the ice before the game had started.
“How would I support someone who wasn’t out yet but I knew they were gay but they won’t tell me?”
Hayden chose to ignore the way Hunter’s eyes flicked to Shane before they landed right back on him. Did everyone know about Shane except for him?
“Just be there,” Hunter said. “Just be present, always listen when they try to tell you something between the lines, and be an ally.”
“How?” Hayden asked.
“Shut down homophobia when you see it,” Hunter said lowly. “You and I both know it’s everywhere. Don't shit talk in general, people will never know if you’re talking shit behind their back if you talk shit about other people. That's just good human advice, not ally advice.”
“I just want them to know I support them,” Hayden said carefully.
“If they’re trying to let you in on parts of their life while still protecting themselves, that’s huge,” Hunter said. “Don’t forget, some people stand to lose their jobs or families when they come out. Not to mention, not everywhere is safe for queer people.”
Hayden's stomach sank as he thought about Russia, and how Rozanov risked never going back, just to be with Shane. How both of their careers could easily be over if the NHL got wind of their relationship.How they risked public vitriol, all because they were in love.
“Okay,” Hayden said, thinking about Shane talking about Boston Lily with him and telling him about the foundation, asking him to volunteer. “Thanks.”
Hunter nodded, his eyes flicking to Shane one last time before he skated back to his team.
Hayden hated feeling like he was the last to know about Shane.
>>>
Hayden blinked, confused.
It was pitch black. He usually slept through the night, sleeping through all sorts of light and noise, thanks to the kids, but right now, in this shitty hotel room in Detroit, he was awake.
The alarm clock by the bed read 03:42, and Shane –
Shane was on the phone in the bed next to him.
“I know,” he was whispering.
Hayden didn’t move a muscle; he didn’t want Shane to know he was awake. If he was on the phone at three in the morning, it had to be for a good reason.
“Did you take your pills today?” Shane whispered.
Hayden couldn’t make out the other voice on the phone, but he could tell it was Rozanov from the tone of his voice.
“I know,” Shane said softly. “But antidepressants are just for your brain chemicals. It's okay to need them.”
He knows all about mental health played in Hayden’s mind. He thought about a twelve year old Rozanov, probably coming home from school and finding out that his mother had died, and the pain he would have felt when he was older and found out it was suicide.
Something in Hayden’s heart cracked open for Rozanov.
He'd immigrated to America, and then again to Canada. He'd fallen in love with a man, despite it being punishable by torture and death in his country. He’d risked his entire career to move closer to Shane.
He'd been wrong about Rozanov all along. He was a shit stirrer and a pain in the ass, but to get a guy like Shane to fall in love with him...he couldn’t be that bad.
“Do you think you can sleep?” Shane asked. Silence followed before Shane sighed. “No, that’s okay. We'll just stay on the phone. Just don’t be mad if I fall asleep.”
Hayden listened as Shane laughed softly before his tone became more somber.
“Just promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up.”
That statement was loaded with layers of pain that Hayden couldn’t even begin to unpack.
Rozanov on antidepressants. Rozanov calling Shane in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep. Rozanov, clearly depressed. Rozanov, an orphan who lost his mother to her own battle with depression.
Hayden listened to Shane hum softly as Rozanov talked, barely conscious of the tears that were running down his temples.
>>>
“I think we should tell him that we know,” Hayden said.
JJ paled and shook his head. “He’s gonna be upset that we caught him the way that we did.”
“No, we take that secret to our grave,” Hayden hissed. “No, I think we say we figured it out when we went to his place and saw Rozanov there.”
JJ chewed the inside of his cheek. “We’ll upset him.”
“Okay, so maybe we just ask about it? Give him the option to come clean about it?” Hayden suggested.
“Maybe. Let me think about it.”
>>>
They didn’t get the chance to think about it.
Shane got wiped out by Dallas Kent two weeks later. It was a brutal hit; concussion protocol enacted immediately. They were on home turf, thankfully, but Hayden knew that Rozanov was away in Ottawa and likely wouldn’t hear about this for a couple of hours until after the game.
He had no way of knowing what was going on with Shane.
Hayden tried to get off the ice to make a call, but Coach kept him on. JJ skated up to him with a frown.
“Is he okay?”
“Not sure,” Hayden said.
“They’ll call his parents, we can check with them after the game,” JJ reassured him.
“Right, but what about – Lily?”
JJ shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. We find out how Hollander is, and we call Lily. I don’t think he’ll care about how we worked it out. Not until Shane is okay.”
Hayden nodded. They had a plan. Check on Shane, let Rozanov know he was okay, and that was all that mattered.
>>>
They didn’t have Rozanov’s number.
Hayden reached out to Scott Hunter to ask for it, but Hunter was in the middle of his own game. He and JJ decided to head to the hospital and check on Shane, and worst case, they would simply break into his phone and get Rozanov’s number that way.
They didn’t expect to turn up to the hospital and see Rozanov by Shane’s bedside, holding his hand while he slept.
Hayden and JJ froze outside the door, unsure of whether to go in, but Rozanov seemed to sense he was being watched. He turned, his jaw clenching as he nodded for them to come inside.
Hayden followed JJ inside, doing his best not to stare at where their hands were interlocked.
“How is he?” JJ asked.
“Mild concussion,” Rozanov said, his voice thick.
Seeing him this close, Hayden could see that his eyes were red and his hair was frizzy, as if he’d been pulling at it. Concussions weren’t great, but they weren’t a death sentence. Shane would be scratched for a couple of weeks and be back to normal in no time. He might even enjoy the time off.
“No broken bones?” Hayden asked.
Rozanov shook his head, looking back at Shane. Pale, limp Shane.
Rozanov tried to pull his hand away from Shane’s, but Shane sprang to life.
“Nooo,” he whined, his eyes still closed. “I told you, you can’t leave me. You have to stay.”
He watched Rozanov melt, holding Shane’s hand tightly. “Okay. I stay.”
“Yesss,” Shane whispered, smiling like he had just won the lottery.
“Is he out of it?” JJ asked.
Rozanov nodded. “Yes. His parents – I was doing foundation work with Yuna –”
“We were coming here to call you,” Hayden blurted. “We didn’t have your number but we figured you’d need to know about Shane.”
Rozanov looked at them curiously. “Why?”
JJ pointed at his hand, clasping Shane’s tightly. “That’s why.”
Rozanov's jaw locked as he looked at Shane. “You know.”
“We kind of figured it out when we saw you together the other night,” JJ said so honestly that Hayden was impressed. Though, not a word of it was a lie.
“Right,” Rozanov said, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “Is this going to be a problem?”
“No,” Hayden and JJ both said. “No,” JJ repeated. “We’re here for Hollander. And anyone he loves.”
Rozanov looked surprised, but he didn’t say anything. He just nodded at the seats on the other side of the room for them to stick around.
>>>
High Shane Hollander might be Hayden’s favourite Shane Hollander.
He was goofy and adorable, and so happy.
And so in love.
“I’m gonna have his babies,” Shane said wistfully, staring at the door as Rozanov left to use the bathroom, entrusting Hayden with Shane’s care for exactly three minutes.
“I don’t know that that’s possible, bud,” Hayden tried not to laugh.
“He tries enough,” Shane muttered.
Hayden grimaced once he understood what Shane meant.
“Some things are inside thoughts –”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t even see Kent coming at me because I could feel Ilya dripping out of me and it distracted me,” Shane continued.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Hayden said, rubbing his face.
It had been easier yesterday when Shane was asleep. He’d woken up today, high as fuck and incredibly chatty. No wonder Rozanov was too nervous to leave his side. Who knows what he would have said without a chaperone present.
“When we get married,” Shane said as if Hayden hadn’t said a word. “You should be my best man.”
Hayden blinked at that. “You’re gonna marry him?”
“Oh god, yeah,” Shane smiled, looking absolutely dreamy. “Gonna marry him so fucking hard.”
“Oh,” Hayden breathed.
“Gonna be the best husband,” Shane sighed, his eyes closing. Hayden wasn’t sure if he meant him or Rozanov.
“And me for your best man?” Hayden asked. He probably shouldn’t have asked for clarification on something Shane said while he was high, but he couldn’t help it.
“Of course,” Shane mumbled. “You’re my best friend.”
Hayden ran his hand through his hair in relief. He had been so worried Shane hadn’t trusted him, that he didn’t consider them best friends the way Hayden did.
But Shane did.
“You’re mine, too, buddy,” Hayden said.
Shane clicked his tongue and gave him finger guns as Rozanov walked back in.
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” Hayden said, not meeting his eye. “Just said I was his best friend.”
“Mm, he is very high,” Rozanov said. “High people say lots of things they don’t mean.”
Hayden rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone. “Can I get your number? Just so you can give me updates on Shane.”
Rozanov looked surprised, but he took the phone from Hayden and put his number in.
“Thanks.”
“I’m going to take him to Ottawa,” Rozanov said, not looking away from Shane. “So me and his parents can watch him for the next three weeks.”
“Oh. Smart," Hayden said. And it was. Shane needed to be supervised, and he was sure the tag team of Rozanov and Yuna Hollander was better than 24/7 care by medical professionals. “So, his parents – they know?”
Rozanov nodded curtly. “Was not the plan. David is very nosy. Caught us.”
Hayden grimaced, thinking about how he had also caught them. “Yeah, can’t imagine getting busted is a good feeling.”
“No,” Rozanov sighed. “Horrible to have that taken away from you. Even more when you have no control over anything else in your life.”
Hayden looked at Shane and understood what Rozanov was saying. “JJ and I will play dumb about this whole thing,” he said softly.
Rozanov just nodded.
Hayden found Rozanov was easy to talk to when they were talking about protecting Shane. Hayden was relieved to see that feral, animal defence that Shane had for Rozanov was returned in spades.
>>>
Shane was back at practice three weeks later. He had started taking phone calls a week after he’d gone to Ottawa, and Rozanov had texted a group chat Hayden had created for them and JJ for updates on how Shane was doing.
But Rozanov had warned them that Shane was too fuzzy to remember them coming to see him in the hospital, let alone anything they talked about.
“We should just be honest,” JJ said. “Tell him we put it together between seeing them at the hospital together and at his place. Leave it vague.”
“He’s gonna freak out if we can’t tell him what gave them away,” Hayden shook his head. “He’s so paranoid about being found out. He's already so on edge around Rozanov in front of people, like he doesn’twant people to see how in love he is. It's why he was so different in the hospital. Like, what if that’s what he’s like with Rozanov with no one around?”
JJ sighed. “Okay, so what exactly do we say?”
“We say we realised when we were in their house,” Hayden decided. “The shoes by the door and the dinner and the way they looked at each other.”
“The way Rozanov had his hand on Hollander’s thigh the whole time,” JJ supplied.
“He did?”
JJ looked at him like he was an idiot. “You seriously didn’t notice?”
Hayden shook his head.
“Okay, we’re settled,” JJ said. “Tomorrow, we tell him.”
>>>
Shane looked so refreshed when he returned to training that Hayden found himself jealous of the concussion protocol.
“You look good,” JJ said, clapping him on the back.
“I rested a lot,” Shane said, a dreamy smile taking over his face.
Hayden tried not to scrunch his nose up; he was sure he understood the implications of that. Of Rozanov with his massive dick and vacuum powered mouth and no gag reflex.
“That’s – that’s nice,” Hayden said. “I bet Lily was freaked.”
Shane bit his lip, looking between Hayden and JJ. “Yeah, Lily was.”
They stayed quiet as Shane’s eyes flitted between them.
“You know Lily is Ilya, right?” Shane blurted.
“Oh my fucking god, Hollander, we’ve been waiting,” JJ said, his hand over his heart.
“Shit, Shane, we figured –”
“At the hospital, I know,” Shane grimaced. “I don’t remember it, really, but I remember seeing you guys sitting there and Ilya was sleeping kind of on me, and it felt real.”
Hayden was grateful that Shane rarely made eye contact and didn’t catch the look he and JJ shared.
“Well, it was kind of a shock to see Rozanov there, but in hindsight, a lot of things make sense now,” Hayden said honestly.
“Boston Lily, Ilya,” JJ nodded. “Clever, but not that clever.”
“I don’t know, you guys didn’t even figure it out for years,” Shane shrugged, sounding smug. “If you guys didn’t practically catch us, you never would have figured it out.”
“Yeah...busted,” JJ said, doing his best not to smirk.
>>>
It was strange, to see Shane so free.
It hurt his heart to realise how much of himself Shane had locked away so that he didn’t give himself away.
But watching Shane lay out in the sun with Rozanov, limbs intertwined with each other, sharing soft kisses when they thought nobody was watching, it left Hayden with a sense of peace.
He smiled when he felt Jackie wrap herself around him, her arms locking around his waist.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“I was just thinking about how lucky we got,” Hayden said. “I met a girl, kissed her at a club, and then she married me. We're so lucky we got to do that.”
Jackie squeezed him as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade, resting against his back. “Yeah, we are. We all are.”
Hayden watched as Rozanov grabbed Shane’s wrist and made a big show of biting him, watching as they play fought, wrestling each other into a hug. It was nice, to see him so gentle with Shane, so loving. It had helped him to reconcile what he had seen in that closet last year, to better understand the dynamic the two of them had. The push and pull, the give and take. The roughness and the worshipping.
“Yeah,” Hayden sighed, pulling Jackie to his side and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “Lucky.”