Chapter Text
100 Days Home
Anthony DiNozzo was waiting, back propped against the wall of his front hallway. Rather impatiently anticipating the tell-tale swoosh and accompanying jiggle that signalled the unlocking of his front door and inevitable appearance of…Her. He shouldn’t have to stand here and hover, ready to loom over when she finally graced them with her presence. He should just unlock the door, walk away and go and brew himself another coffee. But she’d pissed him off and he knew from experience that now would be the best opportunity to communicate that, without little ears listening in.
The sound he was waiting for finally came as the key slid home and turned in the lock, he sucked in a fortifying breath and stared straight ahead.
When the door creaked open she was not looking towards him, instead her head was down. Smooth chocolate curls were splayed unruly over one sleeve, obscuring her face as she tried to juggle the keys back into one of the multiple bags she was carrying. Tony cleared his throat and bit out the greeting: “You’re late... Again.”
Caught by surprise Ziva’s head snapped up, the momentary flash of fear in her eyes easing back to the typical dullness they so often held while looking at him these days. “I know, and I am sorry.” Her tone was contrite and genuine which for some reason he couldn’t place, it pissed him off even more. “Is she ready to go?”
Tony let out a long suffering sigh and tilted his head towards the interior of the house. “She’s in her room waiting.”
Nodding Ziva broke their eye contact and made to squeeze between him and the door frame, which brought them in such close proximity that their chests brushed, and he caught the scent of whatever product she always used on her hair. The familiar sweetness seemed to clog up his throat and lungs, despite the fact he had always loved the smell.
“Hey, wait - hold up a minute.” Reaching after her, his hand settled on her upper arm to stall her from moving further into the house. The reaction was immediate, her whole body stiffened, and she drew in a breath that sounded involuntary and almost painful in its sharpness. Their eyes met and he held her gaze trying to communicate both his apologies for the action and his annoyance at her poor time keeping skills.
“I said I was sorry.” She responded flatly. Shoulders dropping, she slid her arm out of his hold and took a few well measured breaths to calm down. Tony usually tried not to touch her these days but sometimes couldn’t catch himself, the action still being so natural to him.
“It’s the second time you’ve been late this week Ziva.” He tried to keep some of venom he was feeling out of his tone, he wasn’t sure if she was pushing their arrangement intentionally or if she was genuinely struggling with things. He wouldn’t know either way, Ziva talked to her therapist about those things. Never with him.
“Well, she will still get to school on time, so no harm done yes?” Giving a one arm shrug she resumed her progress through the hall leaving him to trail in her wake.
Keeping his voice low he followed closely on her six: “That’s not the point and you know it, she likes to get there early and play with her friends. It’s her routine, it’s what she used to and the school councillor said we need to keep things consistent, you know this Zi...”
At his words she stopped short in front of him and he had to put on the breaks not to run into her. Hanging her head, the quiet reply came, unmistakably tinged with shame: “I know, I remember. It will not happen again.” Despite his own annoyance Tony caved to the need to reassure her face to face. Yes, he was mad - but he wanted to get his point across, not make her feel like a bad mother. Carefully he edged past and pulled up directly in front of her, reaching out a finger he tipped her chin up seeking eye contact. Remembering himself he broke the physical connection as soon as their eyes were locked, he was gratified to note that she didn’t flinch this time.
Scanning her face he asked in a much more tender tone than before: “You doing okay? You had a rough night? Trouble sleeping?” There was no denying she looked wiped out, it was well on it’s way to a Parisian winter but he had never seen her without the natural golden glow that seemed to seep out of her wherever she went. Maybe she hadn’t meant to be late at all, maybe she’d been spending her nights reeling from bad memories, or tossing and turning in her sleep trapped and consumed by her nightmares...
“What? No I am fine, why would you ask that.” Quick, to the point and a classic response when asking after her wellbeing. She even sounded a little offended by his concern, it was familiar as it was laughable – that she might not be okay. Or maybe, just that he’d ever be let in on that secret.
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration: “You look exhausted.”
“Hmm.” A non-committal noise he knew to read as no comment in any other context. She shifted and he knew instinctively that was the end of that. “I should go and get Tali.”
He let her go, but called out to her: “Go get her and I’ll drive you both to school.”
Stopping short once more she whirled around, and this time there was some fire behind the retort: “Tony, that is not fair, we agreed that I do the school runs -”
Interrupting, he held his hands up in to forestall the argument: “Look I know you like to walk and have your girl time but unless you plan to jog all the way she’s going to be late. This is the compromise. Just for today, I drive you both, you can chat in the car. Tali gets to see her friends before class.”
He waited patiently to see if she would back down or not, the only topic that seemed to inspire much emotion in her these days was their daughter. She blinked a few times and blew out a long breath, like a plug had been pulled she deflated and nodded her response without comment and turned away.
As he watched her retreating back he mused that this was not working. They had agreed that concentrating on their relationships with Tali and learning to navigate co-parenting would be their first priority. She would know that both her parents were there for her and feel safe and secure in a family unit before working on them. But really, he wondered if they would have been better ripping the bandaid off and doing it all at once. There was no denying Ziva was doing a great job with Tali, her recent lack of punctuality aside their relationship and trust was thriving, but it felt like he was being left for dust behind them.
When not interacting with her daughter Ziva was mostly hard edges and coldness personified, and because they weren’t working on them yet he didn’t know how to bring that up. It wasn’t so bad before, when they were all living under the same roof. But not long after she’d arrived in Paris, Ziva had moved into her own apartment on the advice of her therapist, and at the time Tony agreed. They all needed some space to process, it was awkward to be around each other all the time and try to navigate the yawning chasm of the last four years, especially with Tali’s expectations of what having both parents at the same time looked like. But at least they were making progress then, now he was lucky to have Ziva to himself for a few minutes, she always seemed to have an excuse to leave. It was not what he had imagined their lives to look like, so disconnected.
An excited shout from somewhere in the house snapped him out of his moody thoughts and served to remind him that not everything was bad, and there was hope yet.
“Ima! You’re here!”
-
Despite being quite roomy for a European model Tony’s car felt noticeably smaller once their daughter had left it. A very bubbly Tali, no doubt thrilled by the fact that she’d been dropped off by both parents, seemed also to have sucked all the air out of the car with her exit.
Noticing Ziva gathering up her bags he said: “Hey, where do you need to go, I’ll drop you off.”
She regarded him coldly. “No, that is okay, thank you.” She made to get out go the car but Tony locked the doors on impulse because he didn’t want to leave things like this. She shot a glance over her shoulder at him that told him in no uncertain terms she was considering murder, but after a moment she relaxed back in the seat and waited for him to speak.
He took his hands off the wheel and turned his body towards her: “Ziva, don’t be pissed at me. I know I’ve been a bit strict about things but -”
She cut him off with a huff and pushed out: “It is fine, I know you are doing it in Tali’s best interests, and I cannot fault you for that.” Her arms holding the bags slackened in defeat and he heard the clanking of tins, he idly wondered why on earth she’d been grocery shopping at this time in the morning, but this was probably not the time to ask. She continued with thinly veiled irritation: “It is just so frustrating to be the one found lacking, always.”
He wished she’d look at him again, he wanted to reassure her but it was unlikely she would tolerate his touch right now. “Don’t say that Zi, Tali couldn’t ask for a better mother. She talks about you all the time, she loves you.”
Breaking her gaze away from the windshield she finally locked eyes with him, swallowed deeply, and said softly: “I am really trying Tony. I do not want to let you both down again.”
“I know...” He had to bite down the accusation that actually, it didn’t seem like she was trying hard enough. But he supposed it was different for him, he’d spent such a long time just waiting for her to come back, expecting her to slot in perfectly to their lives as he imagined. It was an unfair expectation to have, but it didn’t stop the disappointment and resentment from slipping out sometimes. She’d come home with a boat load of baggage to sort out, which apparently, she wanted to do alone. It was a hard pill for him to swallow.
“You sure I can’t take you somewhere?” Ziva shook her head and gathered up her bags again. “Okay.” He acknowledged: “Are you coming round this evening? You could make dinner with Tali, braid hair, talk about boys. I’ll leave you alone to do whatever you chicks do...” She knew she was always welcome round in the evening, and to her credit she was usually there so they could put their daughter to bed together, but since she didn’t get much time with Tali this morning he thought it would be nice to extend the invitation and make sure she knew she was wanted.
“I would…I would love that but I cannot tonight.” He’d not expected her to refuse, but she sounded regretful all the same.
“Oh sure, that’s okay.” He raised his eyebrow in silent question, she looked a little uncomfortable and he noticed as he was watching her a slight blush rising in her cheeks.
“It is not that I do not want to, but I have an appointment…” She took a deep breath as if to steel herself and then pressed out in a rush: “I am going to be teaching some evening classes at a local language school. I have to go there for an induction and to fill out the paperwork this evening.” He could tell that this was a really big deal for her and he didn’t have to pretend to feel happy, the feeling grew organically as he looked at her, nervous and awaiting his judgement. It was clear that his opinion on the subject mattered to her and his face split in a grin, his smile more effortless and genuine than it had been for a while.
“Hey that’s amazing, congratulations Ziva. You’re going to be really good at that...” He encouraged genuinely.
Her own smile grew, the dimples in her cheeks visible for a moment before she schooled her expression again. “It is not much... Not yet. But it is good to do something, yes?” The way her mouth was set told him she really was happy but trying not to show it, one day she’d know she didn’t need to hide her emotions from him, good or bad.
“It’s more than just something, I’m proud of you Zi.” They shared a small smile before he broke the moment by unlocking the doors, she waited a beat before getting out of the car, she didn’t look back but somehow he knew she was still smiling.