Work Text:
Moscow
Ilya let go of a deep breath as he entered his condominium in Moscow, not realizing he was clenching his jaw real tight. His condominium didn’t feel like home – it was cold and sparse, which seemed to be the state of his heart right now. Ilya didn’t care, as he thought this would be his last day here at his so-called home in Russia. He went to his bedroom, which also felt impersonal to him. He stripped off his jacket, black turtleneck, shirt, and jeans, but he kept his boxer briefs on. He laid down on his bed and tried to forget this terrible day.
Today was the day he buried his father next to his parents and completed all his duties and responsibilities with him. He has fulfilled his father’s wish to be buried beside his own parents, not even beside his wife, Irena, much to Ilya’s chagrin. But he kept his mouth shut and shelled out money for the funeral, the food, and everyone’s clothes. Everybody was asking for money from him, and not one asked him how he was.
Well there was one… and it was the freckled boy an ocean away. Shane - his Shane.
Ilya stopped himself from thinking about his Shane. It was dangerous to have his Shane - all good and warm when everything around him was so bleak. He tried to sleep, but his thoughts went to his awful fight with his brother during dinner time. Ilya wanted to kill him when he said an ill word towards Svetlana. He didn’t know where his brother would have ended up if Sveta hadn’t been there with them. Before leaving, Svetlana seemed to guess that Jane was a he? Ilya wasn’t sure with the anger he was trying to control. But hearing the name “Jane” from Svetlana brought a certain kind of calm to Ilya. That’s why he didn’t hesitate to text his Shane and ask if he could call him. Shane was very sweet and grounding during the call, and he even let Ilya speak to him in Russian just so he could let out his frustration.
That was when Ilya told his Shane in Russian that he loved him and that it had only been him. A weight was lifted off his heart as soon as he said it out loud, even if Shane did not understand. Shane who calmed him and never asked for anything and just said “I wish you were here right now.”
Ilya drifted off to a fitful sleep, his heart and soul exhausted. It didn’t take long for him to dream. He was in a house somewhere… it looked familiar, but he knew he hadn't been there. The house was huge with floor to ceiling windows, and the sun was shining through. He was by the door and removed his shoes before entering and looked around. He saw a kitchen and farther down was a long sectional sofa. Somebody was seated, her face turned away from Ilya. He approached slowly, and the woman stood up and turned…
Mama…
Ilya stared at his mother, who looked exactly like the last time he saw her alive. She looked ethereal. Her soft gold curls rested on her shoulders and her eyes, the same color as Ilya’s, were sad but there was a soft smile on her face.
“Mama, I’m sorry,” Ilya sputtered out in Russian. He wanted to say he was sorry that he couldn’t protect her from his awful father and that he hadn’t visited her grave ever since he arrived in Moscow. He wanted to apologize for not burying her husband beside her, but before Ilya could start, he was cut short by his mother.
“Ssssh, Ilyusha,” his mother said as she approached him and embraced him. Ilya could feel her warm embrace soothe his soul. When Ilya was calmer, his mother took a step back, looked at him and wiped away his tears. “We must hurry, they are waiting for you. I watched over them while you were away.”
“Who, Mama?” Ilya asked, but his mother had already turned. She grabbed Ilya’s hand and started walking briskly through the kitchen, down the hallway, until they reached a bedroom door. His mother slowly opened the door a bit. It was dark inside, as the curtains were drawn.
“Come on, go inside and be with them,” his mother told him. “I love you, Ilyusha, so much. I love them, too, and their beautiful freckles.” Before Ilya could ask who “them” was, his mother shoved him through the door and closed it behind him.
It took some time for Ilya to adjust his eyesight in the dark. He wanted to go back to his Mama, but something was drawing him towards the bed. He walked towards a lamp – how he knew where it was in the dark, he wasn’t sure — and turned it on. Soft light slowly flooded a part of the bed and when he saw who was on the bed, his breath got caught in his throat.
It was his Shane and he was asleep with his glasses on. There was a book on his chest – was that a children’s book? And were those babies on either side of Shane? Ilya bent down beside the bed to get a closer look… On Shane’s left was a little girl lying on her back with his arm as her pillow. On his right, a little boy was lying on his side, his head resting on Shane’s chest, his small thumb inside his mouth. Ilya was bewildered, all three of them lying on the bed had freckles! Beautiful, gorgeous freckles. He lightly traced the freckles on the little girl’s cheek, careful not to wake her up. He reached over the little girl and Shane to lightly trace the freckles on the little boy’s cheeks. Ilya didn’t know who the children were, but he was sobbing softly. He loved them, whoever they were. Finally, his gaze fell to Shane, his Shane, and Ilya carefully removed his glasses and laid them on the nighttable. Shane jostled awake but didn’t move because of the weight on both his sides. He gazed at Ilya and gave him a soft smile.
“Ilya,” his Shane whispered, and Ilya’s heart skipped a beat. Shane was looking at him so lovingly that Ilya choked out a sob. “You’re back. We were waiting for you, but we all fell asleep. Yurina and Dave wanted to wait up for you, but well…” his Shane softly chuckled as he looked down at his children. His Shane moved his right arm a bit so he could reach out his hand to Ilya. Ilya grabbed it tightly and brought his mouth to gently kiss Shane’s, knuckles. He felt a movement above him and heard a small girl’s voice call out, “Papa?” Ilya looked up and saw the little girl had her arms outstretched to him. His Shane gently shoved the little girl in Ilya’s direction. Ilya went to her, but before he could pick her up, the little girl’s foot kicked and hit him on his arm.
Then, Ilya woke up.
He was largely disoriented because his heart felt so full. When he realized it was just a dream, he literally felt his heart break into a thousand pieces. The heart ache was so deep, he curled to his side crying. He wanted to sleep again to be with his Shane, Yurina, Dave, and his Mama. He wanted to go back to his dream to be with his family, where the impossibility of being with his Shane was gone. Ilya cried a lot; this was the only time since his plane had landed in Moscow that he had cried. Ilya was deeply exhausted, and he fell asleep and dreamt again.
This time, Yurina was in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. His Shane was looking lovingly at them and patted the other side of the bed. Ilya went there and carefully laid down beside Shane and Dave, who was still fast asleep. Shane gathered Dave closer to him so Ilya could lay down Yurina and himself closer to them. Shane slowly lifted his head up, and Ilya leaned forward to give him a kiss. They both reached out to touch each other’s faces to deepen the kiss. It was short, since Shane pulled back and said, “We might squash our children.” Shane chuckled but still held onto Ilya’s neck and rested their foreheads together.
“Sleep now, Ilya, you look so tired. You’re safe here now with us. I love you so much, Ilya,” Shane whispered.
“Ya tebya lublyu,” Ilya whispered back as he laid his head on a pillow and adjusted Ilyanna in his arms. He knew Shane understood what he said. There was no longer any hiding in foreign words.
“Ya tebya lublyu,” Shane answered back. He turned off the bedside lamp, and peace settled in Ilya’s heart and soul.
Ilya woke up from his deep sleep slowly. His senses gradually came to life; he noticed there was sunlight flooding the room from the window near the door where they left the curtains half-drawn. He heard the soft hum of the air conditioning, and he felt his head resting comfortably on a pillow. As he took in his surroundings while slowly waking up, he felt his heart settle and he felt… at home. In his happiest place on earth. Their happiest place.
It was then that Ilya felt a small weight in his right arm, and when he lifted his head, he saw her… Yurina fast asleep in the crook of his arm, her jet black hair covering her freckles. Ilya swept her hair away from her face and gently traced her constellations. Ilya felt warmth radiating from his left side and turned his head… here was Shane asleep on his back with his head resting lightly on Ilya’s shoulder. Dave was sprawled on his chest, and Shane had his hand around him. Their matching freckles were so adorable, Ilya let out a soft sob. Everywhere he looked, there were freckles everywhere.
Was he still dreaming?
Ilya felt Shane slowly wake up. He watched Shane carefully adjust Dave on his chest and gently reach out to Yurina for a loving pat. Then he looked up at Ilya and smiled sleepily. Shane moved closer to him, and Ilya felt his hair tickle his nose. He picked up Shane’s hand and wrapped their hands together. Shane’s hand was still slack, but he squeezed his hand gently twice before loosening his grip.
“Moy lyubumy,” Ilya said, breathing out softly. Shane didn’t say anything, and Ilya figured he fell asleep again. He slowly sat up and gave everyone’s freckles soft kisses, Yurina first, then Dave, then finally Shane. He saw Shane smile softly when Ilya kissed the freckles on his cheeks and nose.
“Ilya,” Shane called out softly, with his eyes still closed.
“Sweetheart,” Ilya said, “Am I dreaming?” Shane fluttered his eyes open and touched Ilya’s face gently. He kissed Ilya’s lips softly and pulled him to his chest, right beside Dave.
“No, you are right here with us,” Shane said, his voice deep with sleep. “Right where you belong.” Ilya took a breath of relief and placed a soft kiss on Shane’s chest.
“I dreamt of all of you before. On my last day in Moscow…” Ilya paused, not sure if Shane was still awake. But he felt Shane gently rubbing his nape, so he continued on. “Mama was in my dream, and she said she looked after you while I was away. And that she loved all of you and your beautiful freckles.” Ilya felt Shane smile against his head.
“Tell Mama Irina thank you for looking after our freckles,” Shane said softly.
“Okay,” Ilya said happily. With all his loved ones so close in his arms, Ilya fell into a peaceful sleep. He had dreamed his beautiful freckled family to life.