Work Text:
Bruce tried his best to hold back his smile, but in the face of his husband, he was failing. Danny was currently sick with some kind of ghost flu and he looked utterly adorable. The scientist was wrapped up in a blanket, the fabric draped over his head, his nose a bright green color, his form flickered between human and ghost with each sneeze. He wore one of Bruce’s t-shirts which looked like a dress on him with fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe wrapped around him under the blanket.
“You really won’t reschedule?” Danny asked through a stuffy nose, sniffling ever so slightly.
“Oh Darling, absolutely not,” Bruce said, cupping Danny’s face, running his thumb along his cheekbone. “I think you having the ghost flu is going to make this interview all the more fun.”
“I told you, it’s not called a ghost flu, it’s called Specter’s Blight, totally different,” Danny muttered, pushing Bruce’s hand off of his face. “And you just want to do it because you’re an ass.”
Bruce let out a laugh and pressed a kiss to Danny’s forehead as the gate chimed, letting him know the crew was there.
“Go lie on the couch, Danny. Everything will be alright.”
Danny narrowed his eyes at him before he started shuffling towards the living room, walking straight through the wall as he did.
Bruce let out a chuckle and shook his head as he went to set up in the sitting room. He took a seat in a chair close to the door and started absently scrolling through leX, Lex Luthor’s idiotic social media website.
When the editor in chief of the Aurora Weekly had reached out to Bruce’s assistant to ask about doing their fifty two questions interview with him, Bruce had been ready to say absolutely not.
The interviews always seemed awkward as the interviewer followed the interviewee throughout their home asking them inane questions and Bruce wanted no part in it. Until Tim had pointed out that it would be a good way to show that Wayne Manor was perfectly normal, the Waynes were perfectly normal, and that it would help with their cover. Plus it would be an excuse for the world to see Brucie and Danny Wayne in their natural habitat.
The entire world knew that Bruce Wayne’s husband was a halfa. He was a renowned scientist focusing in ecto-biology and had spent years in the field and was the CEO of Ecto-Tech, a company that focused on ways to use ectoplasm as renewable energy. It was what led Bruce into learning more about the man that just a few years later became his husband. Especially when he came out to say that a lab accident had altered his DNA but that it would not cause an issue for ectoplasm to be used as an energy source. Which it hadn’t, in fact, ectoplasm was quickly becoming an important energy source, especially in weapons manufacturing, space travel, and as an alternative to many fossil fuels. Not only that but Danny had a monopoly on the substance as he had been the only scientist to ever gain access to the substance.
All that to say, the world had been shocked and confused on how a genius scientist like Dr. Daniel Nightingale could ever fall in love with an idiot like Brucie Wayne. The interview would give them a chance to see why and how.
Not that they would know the truth. They wouldn’t know about the many conversations between Batman and Dr. Nightingale where Bruce was astounded by the pure genius of the man, how Danny had figured out his identity on his own in a way that he still hadn’t explained to Bruce. They would never understand the camaraderie between two men who lived double lives, the joy that Danny brought to Bruce’s life, the way he seemed to be the missing piece his family hadn’t realized they were missing or looking for. But they didn’t need to know that, they didn’t need to know the in depth parts of Bruce and Danny’s love. They could wonder all they wanted, for all Bruce cared. Those parts of his life would always be theirs.
But he could let them see this, he could let them come up with their own conclusions about why Brucie and Danny worked so well together. Deduct for themselves how a genius like Danny could fall in love with an idiot like Brucie.
In interviews, Danny always joked that Bruce had charmed him from the start. Now they could see just how charming their relationship was.
“And this is where Master Bruce is, I shall leave him in your hands,” Alfred said, letting in a camera man and the interviewer, Jessie something.
“Mr. Wayne! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview with us! My name is Jessica Smith, I’ll be your interviewer today, this is Andrew, my camera man.” Jessica. That was her name. Bruce gave her a pleasant smile.
“Of course! I was more than excited to do this! It sounds like a lot of fun! And I think mine will be far more fun than Ollie’s was a few months ago,” he said, immediately falling into his Brucie facade as he bounced on his feet.
Jessica let out a fake laugh and waved her hand. “Oh there’s no competition! Now, Mr. Wayne, what we’re going to do is follow you while we ask fifty two questions, you just lead us through your house as if you’re giving us a house tour.”
“Sounds like a plan, and please, call me Brucie, Mr. Wayne makes me feel old and I’m only forty five,” Bruce said with a laugh. “Now, I must warn you, my darling husband is currently under the weather and unfortunately it’s some sort of ghost illness. So, if you see anything odd, please ignore it and I apologize now if it messes up our interview.”
Jessie’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “O-oh! Okay,” she stammered and looked to her camera man who simply shrugged his shoulders. “Well, let me get this microphone on you and we’ll get started.”
Bruce already felt stupid as he opened the door and grinned wide at the camera. “Hi there! Welcome in! I’m just getting ready for my day!”
The two walked in and Bruce turned to walk down the hall, waving hello to Alfred who stood close by with an amused smile on his face.
“So, Brucie, describe yourself in a hashtag,” Jessica said and Bruce hummed.
“Hashtag stylish,” he decided just as Danny sneezed from a far off room and the building shook. He let out a dismissive laugh as he took in the alarm on his guest’s faces. “Don’t mind that, Danny is sick. It has made things so fun lately,” he laughed as he turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen where Dick was eating cereal.
“What’s one thing people don’t know about you?”
“I’m a magnificent father!” he exclaimed and ruffled his thirty year olds son’s hair. “Isn’t that right, Duckie?” He asked and Dick gave him an annoyed look.
“I’m Richie,” he said around a mouthful of cereal. “Tim is Duckie.”
“Right, right, you’re my sweet little birdie,” he said with a dramatic sigh as he held Dick’s head to his chest.
“Danny froze the hallway on the left,” Dick told him before looking over at the camera crew, his eyes going wide. “You didn’t tell me they’re rolling! You have to cut this out! I’m not camera ready!” He shrieked before running out of the room with his bowl of cereal.
Bruce let out a sigh, holding his hands to his chest. “Can you believe it? My son, the police officer,” he said with a wistful sigh.
Jessica blinked at him in surprise. “What’s your go to wake up ritual?” She asked once she regained her composure. Bruce walked over towards the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee.
“Oh, I wake up and have sex with my husband, take a long hot shower with Danny where sometimes we have round two if you know what I mean, do my face routine, which of course, is a secret,” he said with a wink. “I get dressed, and then come downstairs for coffee and breakfast made by my wonderful butler, Alfred.”
“What about your bed ritual?”
Bruce pretended to think for a moment, cocking his head to the side. “Night face routine, read for a bit, and then round five with my husband before falling asleep in Danny’s arms,” he said with a breathy sigh before taking a sip of his coffee.
“Vintage or new?”
“New, why would I ever want something used?” Bruce asked, crinkling his nose.
“Who do you want to write your obituary?”
Bruce let out a loud laugh, spilling his coffee. “I’m never going to die, Danny will make sure of that.”
Andrew’s camera dipped just a brief second as he stared at Bruce in shock. Could Danny give him immortality? Probably not. But it would be good to let people think so. The questions went on a bit more before Bruce decided to continue through the house, conveniently forgetting that the hallway on the left was frozen before stepping in and immediately sliding across the floor and falling on his ass.
He looked at the crew and let out a boisterous laugh. “I forgot that Damian told me it was frozen over,” he said, fudging his kids’ names. “What was your question?”
“Uh, what are three things you can’t live without?” Jessica asked, trying desperately to keep a straight face as Bruce tried to stand up and immediately slipped again, falling on his back. He stared up at the ceiling.
“Danny, my kids—does that count? I know there’s a lot of them, I can pick a favorite if I need, and Alfred. I can’t do anything without Alfred,” he said before twisting onto his stomach and army crawling down the hall. “Come on!”
Once he got back to the hardwood floor, he stood up and turned to watch the two slowly make their way across the ice.
“What three people, living or dead would you like to make dinner for?” Jessica asked, looking a bit annoyed now that they were out of the hallway of ice.
“No one, I’ve got strict rules that I’m not allowed to cook,” Bruce said with a shrug of his shoulders. A sneeze sounded through the manor and the three suddenly started to float in the air for a brief few seconds before landing once again.
“Window or aisle seat?”
Bruce stared at Jessica and blinked. “I don’t understand the question.”
He turned and started down another corner where he came across Duke and Damian balancing pillows on top of Danny’s sleeping form.
“How would you define yourself in three words?”
“Handsome, sexy, and gorgeous,” Bruce said as he tilted his head. “What are you two doing?”
Damian looked up at him. “Danny left his body, he’s floating around here somewhere. So when he’s back in his body he’s going to be really confused.”
Bruce nodded his head. “Of course, makes sense. He did say he had ghost flu—”
“No, B, it’s spector’s blight, not the flu,” Duke said. “The symptoms are—”
“It doesn’t matter,” Bruce said with a wave of his hand. “Do you have anything to say to the nice people?”
Damian stared straight at the cameras. “You all think that Danny is the genius in this relationship, what you don’t understand is that they are both idiots,” he said before adding another pillow to Danny’s body.
Bruce grinned at his son and led the interviewers through the the rest of the manor, answering their questions as best as he could until the interview was finally over.
Finally, he found himself in bed with his husband as the man sniffled and sneezed, freezing over their bedroom.
“I feel like shit,” Danny groaned, falling onto Bruce’s chest.
“I know darling, and it made for an amazing interview,” Bruce told him, running fingers through Danny’s hair. Danny let out a soft laugh.
“Good, glad I could have been of service. Tim told me you army crawled through a hallway?”
Bruce snorted and squeezed Danny tight. “How did he even know about that?”
“Baby, the entire house is bugged. He got your entire interview on camera.”
“Of course he did,” Bruce said with a sigh. “Get some sleep, we can watch the footage tomorrow morning.”
“Good,” Danny said before leaning back and giving Bruce a soft kiss.
Bruce just smiled up at the ceiling. As annoying as Brucie Wayne was, he had to admit, it did bring for some wonderful entertainment, especially for his sick husband.