Chapter Text
Oh god oh god that was so embarrassing oh god what were you thinking Ragatha?!
She was practically melded to the inside of her door when she heard his slam shut, sending a jolt through her system. A groan escapes her throat as her hands come up to cover her face, shaking her head as she plunged into an all too familiar spiral of overthinking. Of course he wouldn’t want to come to her room, why would she just assume he would? Jax was nothing if not predictable.
Though to be honest, she hadn’t exactly been direct about it, either. Seduction wasn’t something she would consider herself versed in. It wasn’t that she hadn’t had sex before—despite the number her mother had done to her self-esteem she knew at the very least she couldn’t have been too hideous, as she never seemed to have trouble finding willing partners. But none of them had ever challenged her the way Jax did. Not even close. They all had either been stale and stuffy trust fund boys her mother hand picked for her, or exciting but short lived flings that never worked long term. This thing with Jax was entirely new and out of her comfort zone.
The constant push and pull was maddening, and yet she kept coming back for more. She just wanted to see him give in for once, to give him a taste of his own medicine, and apparently she had failed.
Ragatha cursed under her breath and walked to her bed, plopping onto it to stew some more. Without thinking she kicked her feet, sending her shoes flying across the room. Immediately she perked up. So her clothes could come off. She tapped her chin in thought, recalling how a certain body part of Jax’s had made itself known after years of being absent. Shoes were one thing, especially when you had no toes. . .what about the rest?
Scooting back, she lay against her pillow, her hair splaying out around her head. She gazed at the ceiling, her mind spinning in contemplation. She had tried this only once before, a couple weeks after first entering the circus when curiosity had won out. Despair didn’t begin to describe the feeling of finding nothing there. They really were just digital avatars in this world, mere shadows of their human selves. . .until now.
Ragatha tugged at the pearl necklace, slipping her hands under her neck to unhook the clasp. She placed it on the nightstand next to her bed, letting it linger there for a moment longer than needed. She was stalling, nervous for a reason she hadn’t let come to the surface in years. That this body wasn’t her real body, and to explore it would be unnatural.
And then Jax stuck his tongue in her mouth and that hangup went right out the window.
Her palms flatten over her chest where breasts should be and frowned. Well, that’s one thing that hadn’t changed. Not that she had been well endowed as a human, but she had at least been perky. Slowly she glided down her abdomen to gather the fabric of her dress until it revealed the pair of panties underneath. Her thumbs hooked on to the elastic band and shimmied them down her legs, flinging them to the side to be forgotten. She took in a deep breath and exhaled, running her hands up her thighs until she reached what was between them.
There was a seam that definitely wasn’t there before. It felt slightly rougher than the rest of her fabric, but still smooth to the touch. She traced delicately over it, and when she pressed down there was a mound she suspected to be her clit and suddenly a burst of sensation exploded through her. Gasping, she paused to collect her composure.
Holy shit, this is real.
“Well fuck me.”
Laughing to herself, Ragatha closed her eyes and began a sluggish pattern around it. Not for the first time did she wish she had all of her fingers. Being a ragdoll avatar wasn’t the worst thing in the world—she’d seen other people come in who had it far worse than she did—but her hands being mittens was a definite draw back. It was the thing she had the hardest time adjusting to, and even now still wasn’t quite used to.
Building up a steady pace, she quickly grew impatient. This was nice and would certainly get the job done, but she wanted more. She wanted his hands gripping her so hard she thought her stitching would burst. She wanted his body on top of hers, his lips on her skin, his voice in her ear coaxing her on. Clinging to that thought, Ragatha inched her finger in and cried out in pleasure.
She clapped a hand over her mouth, every fiber of her being burning up. What if he heard that? What would he do if he knew she was touching herself to the thought of him?
Let him hear, the proverbial devil on her shoulder whispered in her ear. Let him hear what he’s missing.
Ragatha lowered her hand and stared into the darkness, a feeling of resolution washing over her. She always gave in to the weight of everyone else’s needs over her own, particularly Jax. They had shared something sublime, something she would personally always cherish. It was fine if he didn’t want to continue where they left off, she would never want to force him into anything he might be uncomfortable with. But she wouldn’t deny herself release anymore. She deserved to feel good, with or without him.
Resuming momentum, she let her finger dip between her folds again. The friction had created a slickness that made everything feel ten times better. She tilted her head to the side, picturing his fingers instead of hers and waited on bated breath for the explosion she was so desperately chasing.
The sound of her doorknob clicking was like a shot in the dark. Ragatha jerked up, scrambling to cover herself. Once again she was ripped away from her climax, her body screaming in protest. There were only two people in the entire circus who would be able to unlock her door. And depending on who it was, she would either be deliriously happy, or utterly mortified.
Another click and it creaked open to reveal a tall, thin silhouette with bunny ears and her entire frame reignited with desire.
Her eyes trailed along his shape, taking him in. He stood in the doorway, dimly outlined by the back lighting of the hallway. First thing she noticed was his gloves were gone. His shirt was partially open with the suspenders hanging around his waist. His tie dangled loose around his neck and his pants were wrinkled and undone. The sight was one of the most erotic things she’d ever seen.
She slipped out of bed and floated over to him, their eyes never leaving one another. He felt like a magnet dragging her into his orbit. She stopped just in front of him and still it tugged, only to be satisfied once they were pressed together.
She reached out and ran the mitten part of her fingers over the top of his hand, relishing the skin-to-skin contact. She heard him suck in a breath, and it was like fireworks going off inside her chest. Now the angel on her shoulder spoke to her, whispering mine, mine, mine. The bar encounter hadn’t been a fluke. He was there in the digital flesh, and he wanted her the same way she wanted him.
Ragatha cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his, melting into him as his arms greedily gathered her up. The rest of the world ceased to exist. Not the circus, not Caine, and not the looming threat of joining their abstracted friends below their feet. Just this.
He lurched forward and kicked the door shut with his foot, slumping against it. Blindly he fumbled with the lock, an extra precaution that this time they wouldn’t be interrupted.
The sound of their frantic kissing filled the room as they both subconsciously moved toward the bed. Ragatha turned so that Jax faced the mattress and pushed him down on it, their mouths separating with a smack.
This was her room.
She was in control.
He grunted in agitation and went to say something, only to immediately clam up when she knelt in front of him. Watching her reach for his pants sent a panic blooming through him that he couldn’t quell in time.
“R-Rags wait.”
What if she’s disappointed by what she sees? What if she laughs? Oh god what if-
“Do you want me to stop?”
His ears quivered as he looked down at her. She gazed back, her non-button eye expectant without any judgment. He didn’t know how she managed to pull that off. Maybe one day he would ask her.
“No,” he answered after taking a gulp. The gentle smile she gave him made the edges of his vision feel fuzzy and warm. Her hands settled onto his abdomen in a reassuring manner, making him twitch involuntarily.
“Then try to relax.”
He nodded, words failing him. She took his cue and let her hands slip into his boxers, closing them around his cock. He hissed, and she could feel how hard he was as she pulled him free, observing him. Other than the purple hue, it didn’t appear that different from what she had pictured. She gave it a couple strokes and he bucked involuntarily.
“Is this ok?” she asked, and he nodded again enthusiastically. She continued her motions, enjoying the way he grunted to keep from making too much noise. Experimentally, she flicked her tongue over the tip and he choked, flinging his head back in ecstasy. She took that mean keep going, taking him into her mouth. She watched him closely as she began bobbing her head, caressing him at the same time. He murmured curses, his hand coming up to rest in her hair. Her legs squeezed together, her own arousal aching to be satiated. Having Jax right where she wanted him made her feel besotted with power. It had been so long, she wasn’t sure how either of them wouldn’t combust on the spot.
As if he could read her thoughts, Jax jumped suddenly and grabbed her shoulders. Her mouth audibly popped off his member, her eyes immediately finding his. She was panting and he was panting and she hoped she hadn’t gone too far because she really, really wanted to keep going.
“Get on the bed,” he said, his voice husky. He didn’t have to say it twice as she scrambled to her feet, twirling around him to lay down. He coasted in next to her, propped on one elbow while letting his other hand rest on her stomach. Ragatha’s face turned pink and now it was her turn to feel self conscious about the way her digital body would look to him. His fingers trailed down and before he could reach under her dress she grabbed his wrist.
“It’s ok, we can stop if you want,” she blurted out. It was the last thing she wanted, but she couldn’t stop herself from vomiting out the same insecurity that also plagued the man before her. That plagued them all.
Jax’s pupils blew wide and he blinked.
“What?”
“I know you’re disgusted by me.”
His eyebrows pinched together and he shook his head.
“Rags-”
“It’s ok really, we’re both still a little drunk, I know. I won’t tell anyone, you can-”
“Ragatha!”
It was barely a yell, only raised enough to catch her attention. She snapped her mouth shut, her eye shining in the soft darkness with unspoken emotion. He never used her full name unless he wanted to make a point.
His face said it for him. They didn’t play this song and dance almost all night just for it to accomplish nothing. They were well past the point of no return.
“Will you shut up and kiss me?”
Her lungs shuddered and she nodded, letting him envelope her in a reassuring embrace. His kiss was more chaste then usual, making it infinitely more intimate then any they had previously shared. He was no good at offering comfort, and never really had been, even before the circus. In this moment he desperately wanted to be a rock for her to anchor to, so he did his best to convey his encouragement through touch. It wasn’t much, but it was all he had.
When she felt boneless in his arms, his hand slunk back to reach under her dress again, this time finding exactly what he was looking for. His finger circled her seam, and she sighed needily. Then he sunk past the barrier, and she whined into his mouth. Her eye cracked open to see him watching her, relishing her response. He pumped in and out, and she wiggled her hips to meet his pace, their eyes staying open the whole time. His thumb moved to massage the spot above and she keened. He swallowed it with another kiss, humming satisfactorily.
And then suddenly he was gone—his fingers, his mouth, everything. She almost started to cry when she saw him creep down her body to stop just above her hips, lifting her dress the gaze at her most vulnerable place and admire his handy work. She was about to say something quippy when his face disappeared from view. His lips touched her center and Ragatha could barely dampen her scream. Then his tongue swirled around her clit, and she saw stars.
“Oh god.”
Whatever she expected Jax eating her out to feel like did not compare to the real thing. Her hands curled around his ears, urging him on. He did so with vigor, finding that he quite enjoyed her grabbing his ears more then he should. He would never tell her that, though. She already had him on his knees; she didn’t get to have more leverage over him.
Finally Ragatha fell over the edge, a mix between a moan and a shout filling the air as an orgasm burst out of her. Her legs quaked, his hands cuffing the top of her thighs to keep her still. Somewhere in her cloudy mind, she hoped she hadn’t been loud enough to alert anyone.
When her insides cooled down to a low simmer, he hoisted himself up to perch on his heels and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, grinning down at her. She should have thrown a barb at him for that smug expression (well don’t you look like the cat who ate the canary?) but she all she could focus on was how sexy he looked doing it. God help her if he ever knew her inner thoughts.
He crawled down and turned her onto her side, pulling her against his chest. One arm circled around her shoulders, his cock pressing on her backside and she was reminded he still hadn’t had his needs met. He ran his knuckles down her spine, making her writhe at the burning trail it left behind. When it reached her ass he gave it generous squeeze, arching her back so he could guide himself easily to her entrance.
He slid in with little resistance. Ragatha mewled, burying her face in the pillow to muffle it. He didn’t stop her, but he wanted to. He wanted to hear her scream his name as she came around his cock. His ego demanded the world know just who it was that made her come undone. Yet even in a haze of lust, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the need to remain hidden away from scrutiny.
Jax nuzzled her shoulder and bit down, not too hard to draw stuffing, but enough to make her spasm under his teeth.
It was better this way. To keep it their little secret forever. No one else got to have her like this, only him.
His hand found the crook of her knee and lifted her leg, allowing him to go deeper. Her eyes sealed shut as her breathing came harsh and fast. So close. Her limbs trembled and he gripped her tighter, whispering soft praises in her ear.
Another orgasm tore through her not long after, his name exhaling from her throat like a prayer. It gave him permission to follow her lead, bucking into her a few more times before filling her up with a groan. It occurred to her then that one of the perks of the circus was not having to worry about birth control. She clenched around him, wanting every last drop. He whimpered into her hair, and she savored the sound, committing it deep in her memory to cherish on nights when sleep escaped her.
They heaved against one another, neither moving a muscle. To move felt like to come back down to reality, something she would never be ready to do. Eventually he slipped out of her, leaving a mess that neither one of them cared the slightest about, peppering kisses along the top of her shoulders.
He would be gone in the morning.
She knew that when she opened her eyes, he wouldn’t be in her bed anymore. He would run. It was just his way. For now, she rolled over and flung an arm across his torso, soaking up every detail that she could.
“Jax,” she mumbled sleepily as the rabbit pulled the covers over both of them, his hand resting against the small of her back. It seemed to be his favorite place to touch her, his thumb tracing lazy circles in her fabric. It made it even harder for her to concentrate and not slip into peaceful slumber.
“What is it?” he asked. His voice made his ribs rumble pleasantly under her jaw. She burrowed further into him, letting out a contented sigh. Please stay. She wanted to say it, but her tongue caught in her throat. She couldn’t bear to hear an answer that wasn’t yes. Not when the afterglow was so intoxicatingly sweet. Instead she said the only thing that came to mind.
“I meant it earlier when I said I wanted my lighter back.”
She was barely awake at that point. She felt him snicker as his lips found the top of her forehead, probably wearing that stupid smile on his face that she secretly adored so much.
“Go to sleep, Dollface.”
Ragatha drifted off, her last thought being that for now, this was enough.