Chapter Text
A rude finger to his side wakes Nagi up from his third nap of the day. He opens his eyes tiredly. Sunlight streams in through the window and the glare of it makes him wince. His phone is overheating on his chest, the soundtrack to a failed level playing in the background.
Something had woken him up—someone? A pair of bright purple eyes float into his vision and blink at him.
“Oh, so he lives!” The eyes narrow into a smile, and an overly familiar hand jostles his side.
Who is this guy? Nagi just wants to go back to sleep. He doesn’t want to let such a good napping spot go to waste.
“Hey, are you falling asleep again?”
“Huh?” He manages to get out. He hadn’t realized that his eyes were falling shut. “No…”
The guy cackles. “You’re doing it again!”
“Being awake is so tiring…”
“Yeah, man, tell me about it.” The intruder shoves Nagi’s legs off the couch and settles down in the empty space. Purple hair matches his eyes and the grin splitting his face is so bright that Nagi has to squint.
Nagi yawns. He wishes the guy would leave. The sun is the perfect temperature for napping right now.
The guy nudges Nagi with his knee. “What’s your name, sleepy head?”
“Nagi.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Nagi! I’m Reo.” Reo smiles at him, eyes sharp. Nagi can’t remember the last time someone’s looked at him. It’s disarming.
“Okay, Reo…”
“Don’t you have class, Nagi?”
Don’t you? Nagi thinks. Aloud, he says, “No…”
Reo tilts his head. “I know you’re lying. You’re a third year as well, aren’t you?”
Then why did you ask? “Class is so boring. I’d rather just play my games…”
Reo lets out a laugh. “You’re a funny guy, Nagi.” He’s probably the only person on earth who has ever thought that. Reo’s the funny one.
Reo gets to his feet and cracks his neck. Nagi looks at him through half-closed eyes. All of him is so purple. His tie is fastened around his neck all nice and proper and his uniform looks like it’s actually been ironed rather than haphazardly draped over a chair. His bangs are weird though. Reo might need to have a talk with his barber.
“See you around, Nagi!” Reo calls over his shoulder, throwing up a waving hand.
Probably not, Nagi thinks and goes back to sleep.
“I’m back, Choki.” Nagi flashes his usual peace sign at his cactus and drops his bag to the floor.
Shedding the outer layer of his clothing, he falls into bed, yawning. His phone is low on battery from being left out in the sun all day, so he plugs it in and opens his game back up. As it loads, he stretches out on his bed and groans as his joints click.
It takes him a while to realize that today was the first time in months that someone had talked to him for no other reason but to talk. The last time he spoke to his parents was to ask for money, and his homeroom teacher had scolded him about sleeping through class last week but let it go when she saw his test scores. Nagi’s not sure what the guy saw in him. He must’ve been really bored.
His stomach growls. Nagi ignores it. He’ll beat this level tonight for sure.
It takes him two hours to clear the level. By that time, he’s hungry enough for his stomach to hurt and it whines at him so loudly that it’s hard to focus. It’s so annoying, having to eat. Having to chew, having to swallow, having to brush his teeth. If it were up to Nagi, humans wouldn’t have to eat at all, they would just absorb sunlight and make their own food, like plants. Choki doesn’t know how nice he has it.
Nagi flips onto his side and reaches for the mini fridge by his bed. Whoever invented energy jelly packs is a true genius, Nagi decides, they fill his stomach and are convenient to eat at the same time. He crumples the empty pack in his fist and tosses it across the room. It bounces once against the rim and tips into the trash can.
Goal! Nagi celebrates, and returns to his game.
Turns out, Reo is one to keep his word.
Nagi’s head is resting on his desk and he’s doing his best to tune out the chatter around him. They’ve just finished an exam and he can hear his classmates comparing their answers, complaining about how unfair the questions were. Nagi doesn’t get it. It’s over, and nothing can be done to change it now.
“Hey Nagi, so you’re in this class.” A familiar voice makes its way to Nagi’s desk. He closes his eyes and wills himself to disappear.
“I can see you even if you close your eyes, you know,” Reo says, sounding amused. “What’d you think of the exam?”
Nagi grunts.
“Yeah, I didn’t think it was too bad either. That last question almost got me though—did you also end up getting three-quarters pi?”
Nagi grunts again.
“Nice.” Reo pumps his fist.
“Hey Nagi,” Reo squats down next to his desk and props his chin on his hand, “how come I’ve never noticed you around?”
Nagi shrugs. He’s not surprised. He’s only here to graduate; he doesn’t participate in class and ditches often enough that he hasn’t been expelled solely based on his grades. Most of his classmates probably aren’t even aware of his existence.
“I would’ve remembered you if I saw you,” Reo says thoughtfully. “Nagi, don’t go to sleep while I’m talking to you!”
Nagi yawns. “But Reo’s voice is nice to sleep to…”
Reo laughs. “Are you saying I’m boring?”
“No… Reo’s not boring. Class is boring… Class makes me so tired…”
“I’m surprised you’re even here for the exams.”
Nagi grumbles. “They said they’ll kick me out if I don’t at least take my exams. And if I finish fast enough no one can bother me if I sleep for the rest of the time.” Nagi thinks he’s a genius for that thought, if he does say so himself.
Reo gapes at him. “You don’t use up all of the time? Do you even double-check? How the hell do you study?”
“Huh?” Nagi tilts his head. “Why would I do that? Studying is such a hassle.”
Reo chuckles and leans in close, his eyes searching. “You’re a really interesting guy, Nagi.”
“Ah, it’s Reo!” Time’s up.
There’s a low click of his tongue that Nagi barely catches as Reo stands back up and rolls his shoulders, back still facing the rest of the class. His brows are furrowed and his jaw is tense, the shift in his mood is so fast that Nagi gets whiplash. Nagi hates this expression on him. It doesn’t suit Reo at all.
Nagi turns his head around slowly and watches Reo stretch his mouth wide in a smile. Reo doesn’t smile at him like that. Nagi’s classmates flock around him the moment someone uncovers his presence. So that’s how popular Reo is.
That makes sense, Nagi thinks, and dozes off again.
—
Reo finds him again the next day. He must have some kind of omniscient superpower, with the way he tracks down Nagi so easily. His teachers would be jealous, if they cared enough.
“Nagi,” he calls out to him. His hair is pulled back in a tiny ponytail and it bounces as Reo effortlessly leaps up to the ledge Nagi is on.
“Reo,” Nagi says, looking back to his game.
Reo leans over and watches his character take five rounds to the chest in succession.
“Ah—I’m gonna die.” Nagi’s fingers tap furiously. “Ah, no, he got me.” The dying ring tone plays from his phone and Nagi drops it into his lap. “Dang it.”
“Can I try?” Reo extends a hand expectantly.
Nagi passes it over. “You play, Reo?”
“Not really,” Reo says. “But I can figure it out. How hard can it be?”
Nagi frowns. It’s pretty hard.
Fifteen minutes later, he’s staring at the LEVEL CLEAR! screen on his phone as Reo beams at him proudly. It shouldn’t be a surprise that Reo’s a natural.
“Reo’s impressive,” Nagi says.
“You think so?” Reo grins at him sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck. “I just barely got the hang of it, I’ll definitely get it next time.”
“Reo can’t play anymore,” Nagi says, and confiscates his phone from him.
“Ehhh why not?”
You’ll get bored too easily. Nagi just huffs and hides his phone back into his pocket.
“Hey Nagi,” Reo tucks his hands beneath his thighs and swings his legs so that his heels click against the wall. “Do you have friends?”
How blunt. Luckily, Nagi isn’t ashamed that he’s a loner.
“No,” he concedes easily. “I don’t like talking to people.”
“I can see that,” Reo says slowly. Nagi scrapes his nails along the concrete as he waits. “Say, Nagi, am I your first friend?”
Nagi tips his head back and hums as he thinks. He has online friends, but he knows that’s not what Reo means.
“Yeah, I guess.” He tips his head back over. Reo’s big, purple eyes are staring into his soul and he feels stripped bare. He’s not sure if he likes it. “Reo’s my first friend.”
Reo throws his arm around Nagi’s shoulders and knocks their heads together playfully.
“But Reo has so many friends. I’ve seen them follow you around,” Nagi realizes suddenly. It sits like a stone in his stomach.
Reo waves his hand dismissively. “They just want in on the Mikage name.”
“Oh. Right.” Nagi forgets. He’s been hearing the gossip float around, but he rarely pays it any mind, not when Reo can be right in front of him, looking at him. “How do you know I’m not the same?”
“I just do.” Reo taps the side of his temple. “I can tell. You’re different.” You’re special, Nagi wants to hear.
“I don’t even know you,” he says instead.
“Yet,” Reo says back. “What do you want to know?”
What indeed.
“Why was Reo skipping class that day?” he asks.
Reo laughs but it’s empty, almost cruel. “You’re good at this, aren’t you?”
Nagi looks at him blankly.
“I needed to get out of there,” he says eventually. “Everything was pissing me off.”
Nagi doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods. He’s not so different, except he just wants to sleep.
“My turn.” What is this, twenty questions? “What do you like to do? Other than game.”
“I read manga.” Nagi scratches the back of his ear. “I watch people play games sometimes, on YouTube.”
“Boring,” Reo teases.
Nagi shrugs, unbothered. It keeps him busy.
“I like sports, I guess,” Reo volunteers. “Basketball is fun. Football is fun, too. Everyone at our school sucks though, which is boring.” He makes a fake vomiting noise.
Nagi hums.
“You play any sports?”
Nagi looks at him. What do you think? he asks with his stare.
Reo sighs, but he sounds amused. “Like pulling teeth.”
Reo’s phone chirps and he glances down at it. His brows flatten into a hard line and he makes an annoyed sound at the back of his throat. Then, like he suddenly remembers where he is, Reo’s face relaxes and he ruffles Nagi’s hair playfully.
“I’ll know you one day. Gotta dip now.” He gives Nagi one last smile before hopping off the ledge. The sun makes him glow around the edges. “Talk to you later!”
—
Reo disappears for a week after his promise.
Nagi doesn’t speak to anyone in days and his naps go undisturbed. It’s weird, even though it shouldn’t be. Reo was an anomaly, and everything is just going back to what it was like before.
He should be happy, even. No more getting awoken rudely, no more being ambushed in class, no more feeling like his lungs become a vacuum when he sees purple hair.
When Reo shows back up, he smiles at him from outside his classroom like he’d never vanished. The top button of his uniform shirt is undone and his tie is loose like he'd been tugging at it. It exposes his collarbone and Nagi’s teeth suddenly ache.
Nagi tracks his movement as he drifts past the windows until he’s almost out of sight. He beckons Nagi with a single finger and, like a moth to the flame, Nagi goes.
Reo’s phone goes off in a series of notifications. He hisses between his teeth and powers off his phone without even looking at the messages.
“They’re so fucking annoying,” Reo sneers. “All this just to use my name.”
“What do they want from Reo?”
“The idiots want to go clubbing this weekend but they forgot to book a table.” Reo rolls his eyes. “They want me to call Inferno and see if I can squeeze them a spot.”
“Oh,” Nagi says.
Reo sighs. “I don’t want to talk about them.”
“Okay,” Nagi agrees.
He wonders if Reo thought about him at all. Probably not.
“Want a snack?” An olive branch.
“Sure,” Nagi says.
They don’t talk on the way to the vending machine tucked far into the corner of the cafeteria. Class has already started so it's entirely empty, smelling like disinfectant. Reo steps aside to let him punch in a number into the keypad. Something is different about Reo’s movements. They’re quiet. Almost unsure.
Something about him makes Nagi itch to do something. Anything. He almost can’t stand it. He wants to know everything about Reo; he feels it in his heart, with the way it trips and stumbles in his chest.
The clatter of his energy drink startles him.
“Nagi?” Reo hands him his drink. “Earth to Nagi. You’re spacing out on me.”
Ah. “Sorry.”
“I’m sorry. That I disappeared for a bit.” So they are going to talk about it.
Nagi shrugs with one shoulder. “It’s okay.”
“My parents were giving me a hard time,” he says eventually. He picks at the skin around his nails. His lips are redder than the last time Nagi saw him. “S’not a big deal. I just get angry easily.”
“Oh.”
“I’m really lucky,” he continues, like he feels like he needs to explain himself, “I can get whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s just—I don’t know. I really appreciate them, but they can be a lot sometimes. I don’t know if it’s worth it.”
“I’m not that close with my parents.” I barely know them, Nagi doesn’t mention. He doesn’t know if that was the right thing to say.
Reo just hums.
“Dropped out of prep school a couple weeks ago. They just found out.” He laughs, but it’s hollow. “It was a whole thing. I thought I was going to die or something.”
Nagi has never been in prep school. He asks, “Why did Reo drop out?”
Reo’s lips pull back to reveal teeth. “Why would I pay them to teach me shit I can learn myself?” He’s shredding the wrapper around his bread into pieces. “And the assholes keep blabbing to my dad. Your son was five minutes late today. He has potential, if only he focused in class. He did well on the diagnostic, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to learn about complex numbers. Of fucking course I didn’t, fuck.”
Nagi cracks open his drink. They both watch it fizzle.
“Um,” Reo says. “Sor–“
“Reo’s smart. I think you can do it by yourself. You just have to prove it to them.” Nagi pauses. Awkwardly, he tacks on, “Sorry that they’re being difficult.”
Reo gives him a baleful smile. “You make it sound so easy.”
Nagi tilts his head. “Isn’t it?”
Reo laughs. The tension in him uncoils and Nagi feels something deep and untouched loosen alongside him.
“I guess it is.” His cheeks puff out when he takes a bite of his bread and Nagi kind of wants to dig his teeth into them. “Sorry for complaining.”
“Reo can complain all he wants.”
Reo smiles faintly but at least it’s real. “Thanks.”
“Hey,” an unfamiliar voice interrupts them. They both blink at the intrusion and pan towards the cafeteria lady giving them a disapproving look, one hand on her hip. “What are you two boys doing here? Don’t you have—”
“Go Nagi, go!” Reo ushers him to his feet and shoves him towards the exit.
“Hey—”
Reo closes his fingers around Nagi’s wrist and runs.
Nagi follows.
Reo leads him up way too many flights of stairs, past the hallway of empty classrooms, and bursts through a door labelled with a sign that very boldly spells NO STUDENT ACCESS. The rooftop view stretches out quiet and lonely ahead of them.
Nagi plops down onto the floor, heaving for air. “I think… Reo is going… to give me a heart attack…”
Reo is panting as well but there’s a wild, unrestrained grin splitting his face. “Don’t be so dramatic!”
In his periphery, vines crawl up the wired fence and the spring wind lifts the edge of Reo’s dress shirt up to reveal skin. His hands are on his knees and Nagi watches the rapid rise and fall of his chest, counting his breaths. His hair has escaped out of the ponytail it’s usually in, his neck is flushed pink, and Nagi thinks that he will never get to see a sight as beautiful in his life.
Reo drops into a squat next to him. “You’re wasting all that height if you don’t do sports.”
“Ughhh,” Nagi grumbles back.
Reo snorts and sprawls out on the ground next to him. “You have a habit of letting people drag you around?”
The sky is a pale, clear blue and clouds ripple across it like whipped cream, hushing the sun. Nagi closes his eyes.
“Just Reo,” he says.
“Lucky me.”
Silence folds in on them but it’s not suffocating. Nagi listens to the drag of dead leaves against the concrete and kind of wishes that he could put a finger against Reo’s carotid to feel his blood.
When he opens his eyes, Reo’s propped up on his side, resting the heel of his palm against his temple, watching him. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that Nagi’s eyes have opened, and for the first time since Nagi has met him, Reo’s mouth is relaxed, not fixed into a grin nor a scowl, but neutral. Lips parted, and the tiniest furrow between his brows like he’s trying to figure something out. A strand from his bangs slips free from behind his ear.
“Scar on your nose.” Reo breaks the quiet. “How’d you get it?” He tucks the hair away. Nagi wanted to do that.
“Play-baseball when I was in day care.” Or night care. Whatever care it was that his parents left him in before he could survive by himself. “Friction burn from a foam bat.”
“Dang.” Reo whistles. “Kids these days.”
“He didn’t mean it. Probably.” Not that Nagi really remembers.
“This girl tried to choke me out in kindergarten,” Reo shares. “She definitely did mean it, though.”
“What did Reo do?”
Reo shoves him. “Why are you assuming I did something?”
Nagi just waits.
Reo huffs. “I didn’t want to share the building blocks with her. Allegedly. I guess it got out of hand.”
“Reo never learnt ‘sharing is caring’?”
His eyes roll so hard Nagi’s sure he saw the back of his head. “Sharing is for amateurs.”
“This is why Reo almost died.”
“I know how to share when I need to.” Reo sits up and meets Nagi’s gaze. There’s a cold, burning flame behind his eyes. “Besides,” he says quietly, purple simmering, “I don’t like to share what’s mine.”
Nagi blinks at him. He smiles privately. “I don’t think those building blocks were yours.”
“Ugh, Nagi!”
—
Group projects are Nagi’s least favorite part of class. Bar going to class itself.
“Nagi Seishirou,” his teacher announces, holding up a slip of paper, “and Ishii Haruki.”
Who?
A girl with long pink hair and an orange headband whips around and makes eye contact with him.
Problem solved.
“Call me Haruki.” The girl in question drags a seat up to his desk. “My old man fucked off when I was three and I don’t wanna hear his name.”
“Okay, Haruki-kun,” Nagi yawns.
“You’re smart, aren’t you?” she prods. “I see your name up there when they blast our rankings for everyone to see.”
Nagi has no idea what she’s talking about. “Really?”
Haruki blinks at him. “Are you serious?”
Nagi blinks back.
“You’re serious.” Haruki drops her head onto his table with a thud. “I hate natural geniuses.”
“What?”
“So, what’s the plan?” Haruki tilts back on her chair dangerously. “I’m thinking we can go more in depth about the Japanese-Dutch Exchange in the 17th century. Thoughts?”
“Sure,” Nagi agrees. He doesn’t really care, as long as he’s doing the littlest work he can.
“Great. And you’re not getting away with slacking off, ‘kay? I’m not doing all of the work myself.”
Foiled.
“I’m gonna share the presentation with you tonight.” She rips out a page from her notebook. “But we can spend the rest of this lesson outlining what we wanna go over.”
What a hassle…
“Let me scan your code on LINE.” Nagi hands his phone over. “Got it.”
Haruki ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ
[1:12 PM] this is haruki for the history presentation
[1:12 PM] Haruki ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ sent a sticker.You sent a sticker. [1:12 PM]
Haruki peers over his shoulder. “Oh that’s so cute. I need to up my sticker game.”
Haruki ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ
You sent a sticker. [1:13 PM]
“Okay, now you’re just showing off.” Nagi sticks out his tongue at her and she laughs. “I didn’t expect this from you.”
Nagi tilts his head. “What did you expect?”
“I dunno. Not this. You seem kind of…” Haruki looks like she’s thinking hard about the right word to use. “Spacey? No offense. Though it’s doing well for you, clearly.”
Nagi has no idea what she means by that.
Haruki ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ
:x [1:21 PM]
You sent a sticker. [1:21 PM]
—
It’s close enough to summer that the painted concrete beneath him is almost sticky to touch. They’re behind the old gym that should’ve been demolished a year ago but for some reason is still standing and people keep having sex in there after school.
Nagi is tapping listlessly through a game on his phone and he can hear the dialogue to whatever Reo is watching on his but can’t make out the words. Reo smells like the expensive shampoo he uses and an undercurrent of something darker, sweeter. Nagi wonders how many people have gotten close enough to figure out what it is.
He drops his phone into his lap. Reo’s worrying at his bottom lip, eyes still on his phone. He wonders how far in Reo will let him get.
Their elbows touch. A beat, and Nagi slouches onto Reo’s shoulder. Here, he can feel the rise and fall of his breathing and he’s getting closer and closer to figuring out what exactly Reo smells like. He shifts a little more. Tries to turn his nose into the hollow of his throat as subtly as possible.
Reo makes a sound but he doesn’t pull away. “Tired?”
“Mm.”
Reo laughs softly. It’s affectionate. Rare, for him to be slow and generous like this. Usually, he’s sharp, unforgiving, takes up entire rooms with his presence. But right now, with the sun beating down on them, he’s settling into Nagi’s side like he could be content here.
Reo props his phone against his water bottle and shifts to run his hand up the side of Nagi’s arm.
He shivers.
“Relax,” Reo murmurs, directly into his ear. How could he, when Reo is right here?
Reo begins at his nape, massaging small circles into his skin. Presses into the delicate bones of his neck, slides his fingers into his hair, scraping lightly as he goes. He tries to stay as still as possible, afraid that Reo will move away if he’s not good. His breathing is so shallow that he’s surprised he hasn’t passed out.
“Feels good?” Reo digs his fingers into the junction between his head and neck.
Reo’s touch is so light. Nagi, against his will, wishes that he’d go harder. He wishes that he’d bruise.
“Yeah.” He’s breathless and you can hear it in his voice.
Reo lets out a soft puff of laughter. “I’m glad.”
He works expertly up the back of his head, then back down to his shoulders, carefully kneading out the knots in his muscle. Nagi purrs. He wonders what else Reo is naturally good at.
Reo chuckles. “You’re all tense here because of your screen time.” His smile is small and secret, like he knows something Nagi doesn’t.
“It’s okay ‘cause I have Reo with me…” Nagi mumbles. He wants to pry Reo open and make him spill all of his secrets.
Reo laughs. “So you’re just keeping me around as your own personal masseur?”
“No…” Nagi is the one being kept around.
“Cold, Nagi.” He digs his fingers into the meat of his traps teasingly. Nagi shudders involuntarily. “So cold.”
“I’m not ‘keeping Reo around’,” he says petulantly. “I like being around Reo.”
“You’re sweet.” Like Nagi is a fucking pet, or something.
Nagi sighs. Will Reo ever get it?
His eyes open. Reo’s gaze is disarmingly soft as he plays with the ends of Nagi’s hair. The feeling swells up from inside him, and for a second, it’s so overwhelming that it almost spills from his mouth.
Probably not.
But for now, he stays here, pressed against Reo’s side, and indulges in the attention that he can offer.
—
“I’ve never been to the student dorms before,” Reo says, as he observes the place. “Kinda small, isn’t it?”
Nagi shrugs. “It works.”
“You cook often?”
“Not really.” Not at all.
Reo yanks open his fridge and looks genuinely distraught at the state it’s in.
“Are we kidding.” Reo rifles through the mess and realizes that it is entirely jelly packs and energy drinks. He doesn’t need to know that there’s another box, still sealed, sitting at the back of his closet.
“How the hell are you this built on a diet of jelly packs and energy drinks?” he snarks lightheartedly.
“Genetics,” Nagi deadpans, but he’s entirely serious.
Reo raises an eyebrow. “I need to meet your parents.”
We should get married, he thinks. “They’re not in Japan very often,” he says instead.
“No? What do they do for work?”
“Something in IT,” Nagi answers vaguely. He’s not sure himself.
“S’that what you want to go into as well?” Reo asks curiously.
“I don’t know yet…”
“Is there anything you do know?” Reo teases, and Nagi knows it’s playful but he frowns.
“There is.”
Reo’s expression softens. “Yeah.”
He cuffs him over the back of his head gently as an apology. Nagi falls over dramatically and just doesn't get back up.
Reo leaves him on the floor. “When’s the last time you ate real food?”
“Uh. Last night,” Nagi lies. (Two days ago, when Reo last bought him food.)
Reo looks at him skeptically. “I’m gonna order us something.”
Nagi knows that he should be embarrassed that he has nothing to offer Reo but he can’t bring himself to care. Not when Reo’s eyes are on him like that and the side of his mouth is quirked up with something fond. He tugs at the hem of Reo’s pants until he squats down next to him.
“Hi, Nagi.” Reo pats his cheek. “Katsudon okay?”
“Mhm.” He wishes they would never have to be apart.
Reo flicks his forehead lightly. “Sit up, you big baby.” But it’s so comfortable down here…
“I’m tired…”
Reo snorts. “You always are.”
Nagi sulks. “It’s always true.”
“Yeah.” Reo ruffles his hair. “I know.”
Reo’s knees click when he straightens back up and Nagi wonders if he should tell me to get that checked out.
Reo pats the space next to him. “Lie on the couch with me.”
Nagi goes. He always will.
Reo reaches over to move Nagi’s bangs away from his eyes, but then his touch lingers. He traces the arc of his brow bones and follows it down to the slope of his nose. His lips are parted the tiniest bit, eyes glazed, and Nagi’s not sure he’s entirely aware of what he’s doing.
His fingers brush over the peaks of his cheeks. Against the brightness of Nagi’s lights, he’s glowing. Something in his eyes, the faintness of his touch, makes Nagi feel precious. Treasured.
He tucks Nagi’s hair behind his ear and follows the line of his throat, grazing his nails over his Adam’s apple, and down to his carotid. Presses down with two fingers, feels it jackrabbit beneath his touch. Reo tongues the inside of his cheek like he’s stuck on a difficult decision. There’s something close to wonder in his expression and Nagi doesn’t know how he should feel about it.
“Pretty…” Reo says softly, so softly that he doesn’t seem to have noticed that it slipped past his lips.
Nagi can hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears. It’s deafening. He wishes he could freeze time right here, in this moment, preserve it until they both rot away.
“Reo…”
Reo jerks away like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing. The sheen in his eyes disappear.
“Sorry—” He rips away his hand and tucks it behind his back like it’s something he needs to hide. “I didn’t—”
Nagi opens his mouth. To say what, he’s not sure, he hasn’t quite figured it out yet, but is interrupted by a chime on Reo’s phone. They stare at each other for a second, the air frozen around them. Slowly, Nagi raises his arm—
“Ah, that must be the takeout.” Reo hops off of him and practically sprints for the door.
Nagi stares after him, and lets his arm fall back onto the couch.
—
“Naaagi.” A crumpled up ball of paper bounces off his head. “What are you thinking about?”
Reo.
“Nothing,” he says.
Haruki raises an eyebrow. “Right.”
For some reason, he doesn’t think she believes him.
“Focus.”
Nagi looks down at his laptop and tries. He really does. But his eyes keep glazing over and his thoughts keep looping back to Reo like a broken record. So much has changed in the past few weeks.
Reo is so—everything. He’s bigger than life. He’s not gentle, but tender, maybe. Easy. To be with, to talk to. Nothing in Nagi’s life has ever come easy to him, until he met Reo. Everything has always taken up too much energy, too much space, too much thought. But with Reo, it’s the only thing that has come to him like instinct.
He eats because Reo will scold him if he doesn’t and he goes to school because he needs to figure out why how Reo smells has got him addicted. He wants to drag his lips up the line of his throat and hold him in the palm of his hand and make sure that he stays looking at him forever.
He wants and wants and doesn’t know if Reo wants to give.
Nagi drops his head onto the desk. “Reo said it’s easier to think when you have sugar…”
“Reo, huh?” Haruki raises an eyebrow at him.
“Reo’s smart…”
The stare Haruki is giving him is incredibly judgemental but Nagi can’t find it in himself to care. “… I’m sure.”
Nagi doesn’t move.
Haruki sighs. “Okay, fine.” She clicks furiously on her laptop before shutting the cover. “Sweet treat? What’re you craving?”
“I don’t know…”
Haruki looks baffled. Her expression cycles through confusion, curiosity, and genuine incomprehension before settling on giving up.
“How the hell does Reo do this,” she mutters to herself. “I’m impressed.”
Nagi sits up. “Huh?”
Haruki lets out a perplexed huff of laughter. “You’re like a sleeper agent, huh? And Reo’s your activation word.”
“What are you talking about?”
Haruki waves his question away. “Nothing, nothing. Ignore me.” She zips up her bag with a flourish. “Vending machine? But we have to finish the powerpoint by today.”
Nagi groans.
—
Reo has the biggest house Nagi has seen outside of anime. It belongs in an anime.
“Welcome back, Reo-sama.” An old lady is waiting at the gated entrance. “Your father has asked me to relay this message to you: you are required to attend the Mikage Corp. Summer Gala in a month. He also reminds you that his expectations have not changed and he will check with your teachers that you are preparing adequately for your entrance exams.”
Reo’s expression dulls immediately. “Alright. Thank you, Ba-ya.”
She bows, nods at Nagi, and exits.
“Here, Nagi.” Reo leads him up a huge, winding staircase.
His room is bigger than Nagi’s entire apartment. There’s a family portrait of the three of them hung up on a wall and his sheets look like silk.
Reo tells him to dump his stuff wherever and scrubs a hand down his face. “Fuck, I need a break.”
He digs in his bag and produces an unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He steps out onto the balcony and holds the cigarette between his lips as he lights it. He doesn’t offer Nagi a smoke and Nagi doesn’t ask for one.
Nagi watches him from inside. Reo’s fingers are so long. He sucks in the smoke, holds it in, then lets it back out through his lips. Reo’s lips are so… red. He watches something Nagi can’t see and feels so far away.
Nagi says, “Smoking is bad for you.”
Reo raises an eyebrow at him and flicks the ash at him. “You don’t say.”
Nagi supposes there isn’t anything he can say to him that Reo doesn’t already know.
He thumbs the butt of his cigarette and its ashes disappear off into the wind. Reo smokes it to the stub and snuffs it out against the railing. His fingers twitch like he wants another one.
“Sorry I smell like smoke.” Reo steps back into his room. His hair is uncharacteristically tousled and he’s drawing blood from his bottom lip. There’s a hollowness to him that is all wrong but Nagi doesn’t know what to do.
“It’s okay,” Nagi says.
The silence stretches out long and rigid. Reo is mumbling to himself and digging his knuckles into the space between his eyebrows. He runs his fingers through his hair roughly and Nagi wishes Reo would turn the anger onto him instead.
“Reo.”
“Fuck.” Reo drops his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” he squeezes his eyes shut. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m sorry. I get stressed easily.”
Nagi doesn’t think that’s true.
Reo does this sometimes—turns everything onto himself, carries all of the blame like it’s always his responsibility. It’s like the weight of the entire world is on his shoulders but he still has to turn around and slide on his quick, unaffected smile.
Nagi’s hand spasms. He has never wanted anything in his life, but suddenly, he wants. He wants to take all of Reo’s burden so that he doesn’t look so tired all the time, but he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know what he’s allowed to do. He has never felt so helpless in his life.
Nagi fumbles. “It’s okay. I’m not—Reo doesn’t have to be sorry.”
“I know. I’m just—I can be a lot sometimes.” He smiles, but it’s not amused. “Don’t wanna scare you off.”
“Reo could never.” And it’s the most truthful thing he’s ever said in his life.
Reo looks like he doesn’t believe him, but it’s okay, because Nagi will just stay with him until he does. It’s selfish, but Nagi wants—needs to be the only one who knows Reo like this. Who Reo lets in close enough to show this side to.
Reo goes to sit on the edge of his bed, tucking one ankle under his thigh. Unsure about what he’s allowed to do, Nagi settles by his feet, not touching, but close enough to rest his head on Reo’s thigh. His carpet is soft enough to be a bed.
The LED lights embedded into his ceiling are cold, and underneath them, Reo looks like a statue. His skin glitters like it’s carved from marble and the only thing that betrays his life is the tongue that drags over the underside of his teeth, again and again, a habit he can’t kick.
“When did Reo start smoking?” Nagi asks. Testing.
Reo glances down at him. He doesn’t seem too happy to talk about it but answers anyway.
“Couple of months into senior high. Thought I was above becoming an addict but look where we are.” He laughs dryly. “I guess that’s usually how it goes. Used to be worse though. The only thing that got me through second year was smoking a pack a day. My old man had my head when he found out.” Reo scoffs. “As if I didn’t pick up the habit from him.”
Nagi lets out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Nagi’s not entirely sure either. “And what are you still doing down there? Get up.”
Nagi gets up and sinks into Reo’s bed. “Wow.”
Reo smirks. “Nice, isn’t it?”
“I can’t believe Reo was hiding this from me for so long…”
Reo’s laughter is dazzling. He turns to sit cross-legged and pokes Nagi’s cheek.
“Enough of my sob story. Your turn,” he orders. “What’s your deal?”
“Um.” Where does he start? “I have no deal?”
Reo looks at him boredly. “Or we could also just lie to each other for the next twenty minutes, I guess.”
“Mean, Reo,” Nagi pouts.
“Sorry.” He ruffles his hair. “Just messing with you. But c’mon. What’s something people wouldn’t be able to guess about you?”
With Reo looking at him like that, Nagi’s mouth opens and he says the first thing that comes to mind, “I can’t swim.”
A beat. And then Reo bursts into long, hard laughter. By the time he’s done, Nagi’s flushed pink and his lips form a pout.
“Didn’t we have a swimming unit in P.E?” he wheezes. “How the hell did you get through that?”
“I was sick,” Nagi sulks.
“For the entire month?”
Nagi sulks harder. “I didn’t want to drown.”
“You wouldn’t have drowned, Nagi. That’s the point. You’re learning how not to drown.”
“That seems so tiring…”
“I’ll teach you!” Reo declares.
“Reo can do everything…” he says dreamily.
“Yeah, yeah.” Reo waves him off. “I’ll teach you and then we’ll go surfing!”
“Reo will save me if I drown, right?”
Reo rolls his eyes. “Duh. What do you think these are for?” He flexes.
Nagi pretends to swoon. “Wow, Reo is sooo strong…” He says it as a joke but he’d really love nothing more than to get his hands on those arms.
Reo grabs him by the sides and slips cold fingers underneath his shirt, jabbing them into his ribs. “I’m gonna let you drown if you’re gonna be like that!” he threatens.
“Nooo…” Nagi squirms. “Forgive me, Reo.”
“Oh, you’re ticklish!” An evil grin splits his face. Nagi braces himself. “You should’ve never let me find out.”
“Help! Help!” Nagi wheezes. “Reo, truce!”
Reo doesn’t let up. He props himself up on his knees for better leverage and ghosts his fingers over his waist. Nagi shudders. The grin spreads wider and he is so close that Nagi could count his eyelashes if he weren’t being tortured. “Hmm, you promise?”
“I promise!” Nagi is breathless by the time Reo lets go of him. His heart is pounding like it can’t take anymore and needs out of his chest. “I promise…”
—
Nagi and Haruki present their project and his torment is finally over.
“Nice.” Haruki offers him her fist and Nagi bumps it gently. “Good job, Nagi. Glad it’s done and over with?”
Beyond glad. “Yeah,” he says.
Haruki laughs. “You’re a good guy, Nagi. I liked working with you.”
“Thanks.”
“Let’s hang out sometime, ‘kay?” Haruki taps the side of her phone against his desk. “Outside of class.”
Nagi’s got to be having a record year.
“Sure,” he says.
“Nagi!” Reo’s head pops in through the doorway. His gaze flickers towards Haruki and his expression settles into something strange.
“Hey,” he says, and drops himself onto Nagi’s desk. He swings his legs around Nagi’s hips and hooks his feet onto the back of his chair to drag him in close. His neck is tensed. Nagi wants to touch his nape and feel the muscle twitch beneath his fingers.
“Not gonna introduce us?” Haruki asks teasingly.
Haruki definitely already knows who Reo is.
“Reo, Haruki. Haruki, Reo.”
“I know you,” they say at the same time.
Nagi wants to throw his hands up but that would take too much energy. Instead, he settles for dropping his head into Reo’s lap. Reo immediately threads his fingers through his hair, dragging his fingernails across his scalp. Nagi almost purrs. Score! he thinks.
“How?” Haruki questions.
“Sato-kun from my class was talking about you. Pink hair, green eyes, right?”
Haruki scrunches her nose. “Ew.”
When Reo smiles, it’s biting. His eyes are sharp and probing. “What? Not gonna give him a chance?”
Haruki narrows her eyes at him, and then smiles knowingly. “Wouldn’t you like that,” she says idly. “Luckily, I don’t like men.”
“Oh.” Reo’s irritation evaporates and he gives Haruki a sheepish smile. Disappointment tugs at the bottom of Nagi’s stomach.
Her smile stretches into something cat-like. “S’that surprising?”
“Um.” For once, someone makes Reo falter. “Is that a trick question?”
Haruki outright laughs at him.
Reo flusters and bristles like someone had poured cold water down his spine. He opens his mouth to talk back but is cut off by a knocking sound at the front of the classroom.
“Mikage,” his teacher drones, “get back to your own classroom.”
Haruki laughs harder.
—
🦁Reo
[12:00 AM] HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGI!!!!
[12:00 AM] 🥳🥳🎂🎁yay [12:01 AM]
thank you reo [12:01 AM][12:01 AM] am i the first one to wish u???
yes :x [12:01 AM]
[12:01 AM] YAYYYYY
[12:01 AM] i hope u have a good one nagi
[12:01 AM] u deserve it ❤️
Haruki ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ
[1:03 AM] hbd nagi chan!!! <3
[1:03 AM] i have something for u @ school tmr (つ≧▽≦)つyay [1:06 AM]
thank u :D [1:06 AM]
You sent a sticker. [1:06 AM]
The next day, Nagi is tackled to the floor with a hug the moment he sets foot on school grounds.
“Happy birthday, Nagi!” Reo shouts in his ear.
Nagi winces at the volume and flops over. “Reo already told me that…”
“How does it feel?” Reo demands excitedly. “Being an adult?”
“Ehh… Feels the same…”
Reo punches his shoulder playfully. “Don’t be so boring! You can drive! And vote!”
Neither of which Nagi is planning to do any time soon.
“I guess…”
There’s a small wrapped present waiting for him on his desk by the time Reo drags him to class.
“Oh. What’s this?” Reo’s tone is sharper than usual. “Secret admirer?”
“It’s from Haruki,” Nagi replies absentmindedly.
He peels the wrapping paper apart and opens the box. Inside, a small, stuffed seal stares up at him, bug-eyed. Attached to it is a tag that says, in Haruki’s chicken-scrawl, you as a seal :P happy birthday nagi!!! i hope he brings you all the luck in the world <3
Over his shoulder, Reo lets out a muffled snort. “That really does look like you.”
Nagi cradles it in his palm. Something sweet and unfamiliar uncoils in his chest. It’s so warm that it almost hurts.
Haruki returns to their classroom, one hand tucked behind her back. She’s talking to someone on the phone and hangs up right before she strolls over to Nagi’s desk.
“Hey birthday boy.” She gives Nagi a quick side hug and messes with his hair. “Hey Reo.”
“You have a good eye,” Reo greets her.
Haruki grins. “I know.”
“Thank you, Haruki,” Nagi says. He lifts his gaze and meets her eyes. “Really. It means a lot to me.”
Haruki looks surprised for a second, and then breaks into a wide smile, eyes creased. “‘Course. I’m glad you like it.”
“Hey.” Reo inserts himself between them. “I’m not gonna lose.” He turns to Nagi and sticks a finger in his chest. “Just you wait. I’m gonna sweep you off your feet.”
Haruki rolls her eyes. “He’s all yours.”
Fireworks go off in his stomach. Nagi feels his ears go pink but Reo doesn’t seem to think twice about Haruki’s comment.
He grins at her. “And you know it.”
The second the bell goes off, Reo’s sticking his head into his classroom and tugging him out of his seat. When they get back to his apartment, he has him shut his eyes and shoves him unceremoniously into a chair. Nagi can hear him rustling around the living room.
“Don’t peek!” he shouts from what sounds like the doorway, voice echoing. He rustles around some more. “Open your eyes!” he commands finally, almost giddy.
Shadows spill across his walls from the candlelight. There’s a cake on the table in front of him, candles spelling out 18 stabbed in the center. Reo is opposite to him, hands clasped in excitement, a wide smile spread across his face. The warm candlelight catches the edges of his hair and makes him flicker.
Reo flicks off the lights dramatically and begins singing him Happy Birthday. Nagi sits in silence and claps politely when he finishes. Reo is really good at singing.
“Make a wish!” he beams at Nagi.
Nagi shuts his eyes. I wish that Reo stays by my side until the day I die, he wishes, and blows out the candle.
Reo cuts the cake for him and serves him a slice. They eat from the same plate.
“Earl grey,” Reo informs him with his mouth full.
It’s good. Fluffy, but dense with flavor. It’s the first time Nagi has had a birthday cake since he hit the double digits, and it makes him feel weird inside. Floaty. Almost like he’s nervous for something, but he knows he’s not.
“Dammit.” Reo rummages around in his bed and produces a piece of cardboard. “I completely forgot about this.”
“Huh?” Nagi says around a bite of cake.
Reo leans over and Nagi’s eyes slip down to his lips, curved around an amused smirk. Fuck. He snaps his gaze back up and prays that Reo didn’t notice. A piece of elastic tightens under his chin and Nagi realizes that Reo had snuck a party hat over his head while he was distracted.
Reo returns to his seat and Nagi breathes again.
“You’re so cute!” Reo coos, pulling out his phone. “Don’t move.” He flutters around and takes about a hundred photos of Nagi sitting there, a tasseled paper cone on his head. “Look happy!” he orders, and Nagi tries to give him his best smile. He’s not sure it’s very good, but Reo looks satisfied. “Ready for your present?”
“Reo didn’t have to…” Nagi mumbles.
“I never have to do anything,” Reo scolds. “I wanted to.” And whips out a thin envelope. “Open it!”
Nagi slides his finger under the seal and removes the card. Inside, taped against the white cardstock is a Steam gift card. On the other side, in Reo’s rich kid print: Happy birthday, Seishirou! Thank you for everything the last couple of months. We’ve only known each other for a while but I can tell that this is something special. I hope your eighteenth treats you well and you get everything you ever want in life. I am so happy to be by your side. Love, Reo.
Reo rubs the back of his neck. He almost looks nervous if Nagi didn’t know better. “You were talking about that one game you’ve been wanting to play, the—I’m not a human?” he recalls. “And the other one, um, something thirty-three?”
“Expedition 33,” Nagi says. “Yeah.”
“Sorry if it seems like I took the easy way out—you can get other games too, I just… didn’t want to seem like a stalker. I guess,” Reo finishes awkwardly.
You can stalk me however you like, Nagi thinks. And then, don’t be fucking weird when Reo’s being so sweet to you.
“Thank you, Reo.” Nagi thumbs over the card, feeling something thick and warm rise in his chest and wrap around his heart. Its frequency has been increasing and Nagi wonders if he’s at risk for a heart attack. He looks up at Reo with big, pearly eyes and hopes that Reo knows how deeply, truly the gesture means to him. “Does Reo want to watch me play?”
Reo smiles and it’s like sunshine breaking through clouds. “Always,” he says.
They forget about the rest of the cake.
—
Nagi’s eyes are sore but he doesn’t want to sleep. Moonlight washes in from his cracked window and sirens wail into the empty streets. There’s a placidness about nighttime that Nagi hasn’t been able to quit craving. No expectations. No noise. Just him and the clicking of his keyboard. He doesn’t want to let himself fall asleep and have to wake up all over again tomorrow.
His phone pings. He chances a glance down, just in case it’s Reo.
🦁Reo
[11:18 PM] nagi
He’s halfway into a match. His fingers twitch. He can ditch, but…
He’ll respond later.
He forgets to respond.
🦁Reo
[11:53 PM] ???
Shit.
🦁Reo
hi [11:53 PM]
whats up [11:53 PM][11:55 PM] wyd
league [11:55 PM]
[11:55 PM] shouldve known lol
[11:55 PM] im at inferno
It’s a Thursday night.
🦁Reo
cool [11:55 PM]
have fun [11:55 PM][11:57 PM] wouldve been more fun if u were here
Hell would freeze over before Nagi steps foot in a club.
🦁Reo
:x [11:57 PM]
sorry to disappoint [11:57 PM][11:57 PM] its okay
[11:57 PM] i still like you
Nagi really fucking hopes so.
🦁Reo
[12:13 PM]🦁Reo sent a video.
[12:13 PM] ur missing out
Nagi doesn’t think he is. And then he opens the video.
The video is in 4k because of course it is.
The camera swings around and Reo’s grin fills his screen. Nagi almost drops his phone.
Reo’s hair is loose and it looks like he has glitter on his skin. His shirt is unbuttoned down far enough to expose his entire throat and the dip of his collarbones. Nagi wants to bruise it. Wants to bury his teeth into the tanned skin and spill cranberry juice all over his throat.
Reo looks relaxed in a way that he never is when he’s sober. His head lolls to the side but keeps his eyes on the camera. He’s looking at himself through the screen. Nagi can tell. His eyes are half-lidded and his cheeks are flushed and Nagi can see the pink of his tongue. His stomach feels like it's in his throat and Nagi has never wanted so badly in his life.
The music in the background is so loud that Nagi shouldn’t be able to hear him but he does anyway.
“Cheers.” Reo clinks the glass against his phone.
Cheers, Nagi mouths.
An arm slings around Reo’s shoulders and he stumbles a bit. Nagi tenses. He suddenly can’t remember why he isn’t there with Reo. But then Reo rights himself and tips the camera to the side.
There’s a guy draped over Reo and he is entirely too close. Nagi’s body goes cold and there is a vicious, taunting knot in his stomach. His hand spasms like he can reach through the screen and rip the guy’s arm clean off.
“Say hi to Nagi!” Reo orders.
“Hiii Nagi!” the guy slurs.
Reo laughs. Nagi’s teeth break skin. His phone creaks dangerously beneath his grip.
He doesn’t know what is acceptable to reply with.
He’s thinking, That should be me… Would Reo let me do that? Would Reo let me… do more?
Reo doesn’t know how badly he wants. How he needs. He’s so greedy. He wants to be the only one close enough to sink his teeth into Reo’s skin, slip his nose against his neck, press his lips into every dip and arc of his body. He wants to know him from the inside out and keep him close until there’s nowhere else Reo wants to go.
He makes himself sick with it. He hates that Reo will always pull away and ahead of him, like closing your fingers around a shooting star. Or maybe a sun. Reo likes to play but nothing more than that. He has to make peace with it, but he can’t help but want.
He ends up not saying anything.
By the time Nagi gets to school the next morning, it’s about forty minutes into his first period and he decides it’s not worth attending. He’ll make it to the next one. Probably. He pulls his hood up and drags his feet to the back of the abandoned gym, swiping mindlessly through his collection of games.
“Knew you’d show up here eventually.”
Ah. Ambushed.
“Why didn’t you text me back?” Nagi doesn’t know how Reo can be up so early when he’d spent the previous night drinking.
“Fell asleep,” he mumbles.
Reo gives him a look. “I can tell when you lie, you know.”
“Not lying.” He really did fall asleep. Eventually.
Reo sighs. “Okay.” He’s always sighing, always letting out these horrible breaths like his life is getting drained from him. “It’s not fair, Nagi. You can’t ignore me because I went out without you. Especially when I invited you.”
Dang. Caught immediately.
“It’s not that.” Not exactly.
Reo takes his bag from him and slings it over his shoulder instead. “Then what is it?”
Nagi bites his lip. Tell Reo and risk sounding insane or don’t tell Reo and risk him getting mad? Compromise.
“Reo is so popular. I… don’t know why Reo wants to spend time with me.” Why would someone so bright waste time on a guy who drains all of his motivation getting up in the mornings?
Reo lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Nagi. Are you seriously… I spend time with you because I like you.”
Nagi’s finger twitches. Reo doesn’t mean it like that.
“I know,” he mumbles. “I just…” I want to make sure I’m the only one you ever think about. I want you to be with me every second of your remaining life.
“I didn’t know you cared so much.” Reo prods him in the shoulder. “Next time, just tell me.”
Easier said than done.
—
“Reo,” Haruki calls him over. Once he’s closer, she cups her hands and whispers, “you know a Kurata from Class 3?”
In hindsight, it makes complete sense that Reo and Haruki would get along so well. They’re nosy and pushy in the same way—the way that makes you want to roll over and tell him all of your secrets so that he keeps smiling at you like that.
Or maybe it’s just Nagi.
“Oh my God.” Reo leans forward. Nagi irrationally itches to pull him back. “Did you hear about that too?”
Haruki slams her hand against the table. “Isn’t it fucking insane?”
Reo makes a sympathetic sound. “I feel so bad for the girl.”
“I know. But at least she’s freed now, I guess.”
Nagi tugs Reo’s sleeve. He wants in too.
“Apparently they all went over to his place and one thing led to another and he, his best friend, and his best friend’s girlfriend ended up having a threesome.” He pauses dramatically. “While his own girlfriend was knocked out on the floor next to them.”
Nagi blinks. “Wow.” That was a lot.
“Right?”
“Which one is he?”
“Oh yeah. The one with… hmm”—Reo taps his chin—”the one that refuses to shave because he thinks it makes him look grown but he just looks sleazy?”
“Oh.” Nagi kind of hates that Reo was looking close enough to remember, but it does jog his memory. “The one who totaled his dad’s Maserati.”
“Holy shit. That happened?”
“Yeah. Right in front of his house. Flew out of the front window and everything,” Nagi recalls. “He was crossfaded when they found him.”
Haruki covers her mouth. “Holy shit. That’s bad.” Her opened mouth slips into a smirk. “Daddy’s money got him out of it though, right?”
“Duh,” says Reo, before Nagi can answer.
“How’d you hear about this?”
“He was talking to his friend about it behind me.” People tend to forget that Nagi is also there.
From the way they look at each other, it’s clear that this has been a previous topic of conversation.
Haruki’s hand shields her face from him theatrically. “My current working theory is that he absorbs information through osmosis. You know, like frogs.”
Reo nods entirely seriously. “Yeah, that’s a good one. You know he’s never studied a day in his life? Fucking genius.”
“That’s what I said!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him awake in class.” That just simply is not true.
“Guys,” Nagi says. “I’m literally right here.”
They ignore him.
𓅰 𓅬 𓅭 𓅮 𓅯
“Naaa-giii.” Reo drags him across the pitch as Nagi does his best to cosplay a corpse. “You promised!”
“I promised to be here,” Nagi mumbles. “And I am.”
The sun is blinding. Nagi had been enjoying his summer break under the cold blast of his air conditioner until Reo decided that he has become a fan of self-induced torture and that Nagi should be a part of it too. Nagi feels sweat gather at the base of his neck and he thinks he could fry an egg on the top of his head. His skin is so warm that it feels sensitive to move. Nagi’s pale; he’s not built to be in the sun.
He feels so gross. He wants to go home and sleep.
At least he gets to watch Reo take shots at the goal. Reo is so sexy when he sweats. And when he dribbles. And when he ties his hair up. Fuck.
Nagi eyes the flex of his forearms as he scrapes his hair back and puts it in a ponytail. He is so grateful that Reo has a habit of rolling up his sleeves. Reo is so beautiful. Otherworldly, as he jumps and twists effortlessly in the air. He flicks the ball up and slams it into the goal. Damn.
“Nagi!” Reo shouts. He doesn’t know that he already had his attention.
He swings his leg back and before Nagi can react, he hears a loud smack! and the ball is sailing across the field, headed straight towards his face.
What the hell.
Nagi drops his phone and jumps. He tracks the ball’s movement and kills its momentum against the side of his ankle, letting it drop to the ground.
Reo runs over, yelling. “What the fuck was that?”
Nagi thinks he should be the one saying that. “Reo was trying to concuss me…”
Reo ignores him. “Did you lie to me? Since when did you play football?”
“I don’t lie to Reo.”
Reo gapes at him. “You’re literally—how did you do that? You could go pro, you know?”
“Huh?”
“Oh my God.” Reo steals the ball from under his foot. “Humor me, Nagi.”
Nagi doesn’t budge.
“I’ll buy you dinner later,” Reo tries, like he doesn’t always do that.
“And feed me,” Nagi demands.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Nagi doesn’t think Reo even heard him. “Deal?”
Nagi shrugs.
“I’m gonna pass you the ball, do whatever you like, just get it into that goal, okay?” Reo points across the pitch.
Nagi looks. That is so far away…
“Ready?” Reo doesn’t wait for a response before he backs up and takes the ball with him.
“Look alive, Nagi!” And then he sends the ball up in a long, smooth arc.
Nagi has to run to get to it, which he hates, but he makes it in time to stabilize his balance and trap the ball against the arc of his foot. He lifts it back up and eyes the goal.
Nagi might keel over if he has to run anymore. He sees it in his mind’s eye. He can make it.
Twisting around in midair, he gathers the momentum and slams the ball into the corner of the goal with a satisfying crack.
For a second, it’s silent. Then Reo runs across the field and tackles him to the ground.
He’s laughing. His mouth is dropped wide open and there’s wonder on his face. He breaks into the largest grin Nagi has ever seen on anyone. The sun is a perpetually exploding ball of fire hanging above his head but Nagi can’t imagine anything brighter in the world than Reo.
“Your air time is fucking insane.” Nagi has no idea what he’s talking about. “And your ball control! I can’t believe—” Reo cuts himself off and looks at Nagi with his huge, purple eyes. “You’re incredible, Nagi. I am so lucky to have found you,” he finishes earnestly.
Nagi flushes, but he can blame it on the sun.
Reo throws his arm around his shoulders and squeezes him so tightly their heads knock together. “Let’s play more football together, Nagi!”
Sure, Nagi thinks, if it gets Reo to look at him like that forever.
—
His parents are back in Japan temporarily so Nagi goes over to their apartment to play house for half a day.
“How’s school been, Seishirou?” His mom pours him tea. “You’re graduating this year, right?”
“Yeah.” Nagi sips his tea. It burns his tongue.
His dad takes over the interrogation. “Are you doing well in class?”
“Pretty well,” Nagi says. Minus sleeping through them or skipping them entirely. His grades are fine on paper.
“How about clubs? Your mom and I met in the tennis club when we were in high school.”
Nagi didn’t know that.
“I’ve been playing football,” he offers, and doesn’t mention that it was once and only with Reo.
His parents look surprised.
“That’s nice,” his dad encourages.
It goes silent. Nagi doesn’t try to break it.
“Try this,” his mom gives him a packaged snack. “Your dad and I got this in Germany. It’s sweet.”
He eats it. It sticks to his teeth. He puts it back down.
“You've been taking care of yourself?” his mom tries. “Do you need more money?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I’m good.” Reo has been paying for everything since the term started and the figure attached to his bank account has barely moved.
She sighs a little bit, like she’s disappointed but knows she shouldn’t show it. “How about a girlfriend? Find someone yet?”
It’s really almost laughable. “No…”
“Really? But Seishirou must be popular…” They must be living in a different reality. “You’re so tall. Girls like that, don’t they? Even if you’ve always been so quiet.”
Nagi shrugs.
His mom sighs again, more frustrated now. “Okay, I won’t bother you about that anymore.”
She pauses like she’s waiting for Nagi to correct that she’s not a bother. He says nothing.
“If there’s nothing else…” his mom looks at his dad and they exchange a weary look. Nagi bites the inside of his cheek. “We’re not forcing you to stay if you don’t want to.”
Nagi goes back to his student apartment. It’s not like he’s ever had a room at their place anyway.
—
Time has a tendency to blur during the summer. He only drags himself out of bed to use the bathroom and kills his eyes staring into his phone screen. Days melt into each other and he can only tell night from day when the crickets start chirping outside his window.
Reo lets him know over text that he’s sending Ba-ya over in ten. She picks him up from his dorm and drops him off at Reo’s house. He lets himself into his room.
Reo’s on his back in the center of his bed. There’s a blur in the air above him. He’s tossing a baseball above his head repeatedly, the crack of leather against skin echoing through the room.
Nagi lets the door shut with an audible click behind him. Reo sits up. Wordlessly, he underhand throws the ball at him. Nagi lets it hit his shoulder and fall to the ground.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Nagi says back.
Reo feels like he’s a million miles away. His expression is quiet. Contemplative. He opens his empty palm. Nagi picks up the ball and walks over. Drops it obediently into Reo’s hand.
He folds himself down by the foot of the bed, cheek resting against his sheets. Reo gets like this sometimes. Static. Like something has shuttered over his expression. Like someone has taken over his movements from above and is guiding him through the day.
Reo’s phone pings. And then again. And then starts vibrating. Reo’s face goes frighteningly blank for a second before he picks up his phone and puts it on mute. He shuts his eyes and lets out a slow, forceful exhale. Nagi watches a muscle in his jaw jump.
“Reo’s popular today,” he comments quietly.
“Yeah.” Reo frowns. “‘Cause it’s my birthday.”
“Oh.” Nagi didn’t know that. How did he not know that?
Reo picks up on it. “Oh. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t prepare a gift for Reo…” Sudden shame floods him. How the hell did he not know that it was Reo’s birthday?
“That’s okay. I didn’t expect you to.” The guilt swells. “There isn’t really anything I want, anyway.”
It goes quiet.
“Happy birthday,” Nagi says eventually.
Reo, finally, looks at him. Smiles, but it’s not a real one. “Thank you, Nagi.”
It goes quiet again.
Reo drags his nails against the stitching on the baseball. It makes cyclical scratching sounds. The smile on his lips stays there but it looks like it’s floating over his mouth.
“Reo’s not excited to be an adult?” After all, he was so eager for Nagi’s.
“It’s not that I’m not excited,” he starts. Licks his lips. “It’s just—I don’t know.” Scratch, scratch. “I guess I just never expected to get here. Feels weird.”
“Oh.”
Scratch. Scratch.
“Did Reo want to do something?” The skin under his nails itches. “For your birthday.”
Reo lets the ball roll off his bed. He lowers himself down to sit next to Nagi on his carpet and rests his head against Nagi’s shoulder. He feels all the tension leak out of him in one quiet exhale.
“I just wanted to spend it with you,” Reo says. His voice is so honest it hurts.
Nagi’s stomach turns. He has nothing to offer Reo. He doesn’t know what people usually do, he realizes with a cold dread. It had always been Reo dragging him around, but now that Reo is waiting, he feels paralyzed. A fish out of water, if the fish had given up on life and was just waiting for consumption. It’s Reo’s birthday and it should be about Reo, but Nagi is still stuck in his own selfish thoughts.
“I’m here.” Because he doesn’t know what else to say.
Reo hums. He sinks his fingers into the carpet and combs through the thick wool methodically.
Nagi tries, “Has Reo eaten today?” He feels desperate. He doesn’t think he’d be able to bear it if Reo got bored of him. “We should get cake…”
Reo shakes his head. “My mom ordered cake this morning. It’s in the fridge downstairs. I’ll ask Ba-ya to grab it.”
“I’ll go,” Nagi says.
“You’ll get lost,” Reo says, one side of his mouth quirked up.
“Reo has no faith in me,” he accuses with no heat behind his words. “I can figure it out.”
“You’re right.” Reo smiles quietly. “I trust you.”
He gets lost.
Reo’s house is just so big. And gold all over, which is starting to hurt his eyes. He stumbles upon Ba-ya in a room tucked into a hallway, door ajar. She’s reading the newspaper and has a kettle running. Nagi thought newspapers were a thing of the past.
“Um,” he says to announce his presence.
Ba-ya lowers the newspaper and raises her eyebrows at him.
“Nagi-kun,” she greets. “Are you lost?”
“Yeah.” Nagi sinks into himself. “I’m looking for the kitchen. Reo’s cake…”
“Ah.” She gets off her armchair. “Please, follow me.”
Turns out, Nagi had messed up a decent while ago.
“Candles,” she says, pressing them into his palm. She retrieves a box from the fridge and Nagi takes it in his arms. She hesitates, a quiet inhale, and dips her head in a shallow bow. “Please take care of Reo-sama.”
Nagi parts his mouth. I’m trying, but he knows that’s not acceptable. He looks down. It feels like too huge of a responsibility, for someone like him. He can barely take care of himself. Ba-ya lands a heavy hand on his shoulder and says nothing to his silence. She disappears into Reo’s maze of a house and Nagi begins retracing his path to Reo’s room.
“Faster than I expected,” Reo greets him. He’s still where Nagi had left him, head leaning against his bed, eyes on his ceiling.
“Ba-ya helped me…” he admits. The cold of the cake box is starting to make his fingertips burn.
“Here is fine,” Reo says, scooting to the side and petting the space next to him.
Nagi props the cake up on its lid on the carpet and settles down, cross-legged. Its piped frosting is elaborate along the borders and spells out Happy Birthday Reo! in the center. Nagi tries his best not to ruin it as he sticks the candles into the cake. He watches Reo light them, cupping the flame out of habit.
Candlelight deepens the shadows on his face. Reo is so beautiful. Even—especially—when he’s neutral like this. Lips settled into a flat line, eyes a shade of purple so deep they’re almost black. Nagi feels unnaturally melancholic.
Reo asks, “Gonna sing for me?” and tilts his head expectantly.
“Um,” Nagi says. He’s not sure his vocal cords are capable of producing anything remotely musical.
Reo stares at him for a second, expressionless, before bursting into laughter. “Holy shit, your face.”
Nagi’s ears burn.
“I’m just kidding,” Reo chuckles. “You don’t have to.”
Nagi protests half-heartedly, “I could’ve done it…”
Melted wax is starting to drip down the sides of the candles. Reo blows them out and fans his hand through the smoke.
Nagi wonders aloud, “Did Reo make a wish?”
Reo picks hardened wax out of the frosting. “I have everything I can want already.” He’s Reo I-get-what-I-want Mikage and what he wants isn’t Nagi.
They don’t bother cutting the cake and start eating it straight from the box. There’s cream on the edge of Reo’s mouth and he swipes it up and licks it off his finger.
“I’m really glad I met you.” Reo’s voice is painfully earnest. It’s vulnerable in a way that digs straight through Nagi’s meat and into his bones. He feels his heart tumble to his feet.
Nagi wants so deeply for it to mean the same for Reo as it does for him. He edges in closer and presses his knee into the side of Reo’s ankle. “Me too.”
—
Haruki ends up texting him a week before school starts back up.
He doesn’t respond. Naturally, she tracks him down instead.
A series of knocks startles Nagi out of his summer-induced daze. He opens the door and sees a seething Haruki on his doorstep.
“When was the last time you saw sunlight?” she accuses immediately.
“Uh,” Nagi says.
“I knew it.” Haruki shoulders past him into his dorm and deliberately does not say anything about the multiple opened and unfinished energy packs strewn all over his floor. “Vitamin D, Nagi-chan,” she says, throwing apart his curtains. “You need it.”
“We’re getting out of here today,” she tells him. He feels a little bit like a lost lamb in his own apartment. “Look how freaking cute this place is,” she fawns, showing him a cafe shop on her phone. Their parfaits are colored with something distinctly unnatural and look like they would be about a billion calories.
To be honest, Nagi doesn’t quite see the appeal, but he doesn’t share that thought in case Haruki scolds him for ruining her fun again.
“Sure,” Nagi says.
“Yay,” she cheers. “Let’s go!”
“What.” Nagi looks down at himself. He’s wearing plaid pajama pants from Uniqlo and his shirt had vanished halfway into rotting in his bed all week.
Haruki sticks her head into Nagi’s closet and tosses him a new one over her shoulder. “There you go. Also,” she swings open the doors and points at the cardboard box pushed to the side. “What’s this?”
Ah. He got caught.
“So.” Haruki puts an entire spoonful of whipped cream in her mouth. “How was your summer?”
Nagi begins to answer.
“Other than gaming and Reo.”
Nagi shuts his mouth.
“Right…” Haruki nods slowly. “That’s what I thought.”
Nagi really has nothing to say for himself.
“How is Reo, by the way?”
Bad. But Reo wouldn’t want him going around and telling people that.
“He’s… okay,” he says convincingly.
Haruki gives him a dull look. “Why do you even like Reo so much?”
“Reo’s really good at everything… And he’s nice to me…”
Haruki looks like she wants to jump out of the window into oncoming traffic. Instead, she switches gears. “How have you been feeling?”
“Um.” Nagi shifts. “I’ve been okay.”
“Really.” Haruki looks at him like she doesn’t know why he bothers trying to lie.
“Your ice cream is melting.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“It really is—”
“You know, people usually have a relationship with their parents,” Haruki says. Straight to the point, as always. “Not always a good one, but at least something. At some point in their lives.” She looks at him meaningfully. “My piece of shit dad didn’t stick around for too long but my mom tried her best to raise me well. It was bad sometimes, sure, but we always made it out together.”
Nagi takes a long sip of the chilled chocolate drink he got. He doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s never had a relationship with his parents and he thinks it’s too late to try. He doesn’t care enough to try.
Haruki prods, “Have you always lived by yourself?”
“Uh.” He takes another sip to stall. “I spent most of my time with a nanny before middle school. Then I rented an apartment because they didn’t want to keep paying water and electricity for such a big house. And now I’m at Hakuho because they offer dorms.”
Haruki squints at him like she’s just now realizing something. “How often do you see your folks?”
Nagi shrugs. “I see them during holidays. Sometimes.”
She smiles at him sadly. “I’m sorry, Nagi.”
“It’s not—I’m not close with my parents.” It’s not a big deal, he wants to say, but he knows that’s not right.
“I know. But still. It must have been hard growing up like that.”
To be honest, Nagi can’t remember much of his childhood. He doesn’t like pity because it feels misplaced; he’s not sentimental about it. His parents have trouble understanding him and he’s always too tired to explain himself. They probably would’ve done more damage if they stayed around, but it’s too late to find out.
“Nagi.”
Shit. He was spacing out.
“Yeah.”
“You can call me whenever, you know?” Haruki runs her finger through the condensation on her glass. “We don’t even have to talk. I know you’re used to being by yourself, but it’s nice to have someone there with you sometimes.”
Nagi’s not sure if he’ll ever feel that urge, but he makes a sound of agreement anyway.
Haruki gives him a contemplative look. “Done with your drink?” It’s barely touched, but Nagi nods. “Wanna arcade?”
Finally. Familiar territory.
“Yeah,” Nagi says, and with great relief, lets his mind go back on autopilot.