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Izuku didn’t know what would happen when the villain in front of him finally managed to press her palm flat over his chest. There was a crazed flash of sinister triumph in her eyes the moment her fingertips made contact, and the additional spike of Danger Sense slicing in alarm through his head was enough to tell him that whatever happened next was probably going to be very bad.
The villain was dressed in a white leather racing suit with electric blue and purple designs stitched across it like a map of an exposed human nervous system. She ducked and dodged his attacks with incredible speed and agility, and had been trying everything she could think of to get close to him during their fight. Izuku had immediately suspected that her quirk was activated through touch and adjusted his fighting style accordingly, never letting her lay a single finger on him, much to her screaming and profanity spewing frustration. He’d been a pro hero for a few years now, he was perfectly capable of putting distance between them while looking for a more creative way to win.
That is, until she switched her target to a civilian.
A terrified young teen boy had been hiding behind a few crates, trapped in the warehouse the battle was raging in, and Izuku and the villain had spotted him at the same time. She’d shot Izuku a wicked grin before launching herself at a terrified boy, her hands glowing with electric light from within as they reached for his cowering figure. Izuku had no other option but to throw himself in her path.
The look on her face told him his sacrifice had been exactly what she’d been counting on. She’d used the presence of an innocent bystander to force Izuku to serve himself up on a silver platter.
A strange blue pulse burst outward from her hand and reverberated through his whole body as soon as her full palm made contact. An involuntary chocking sound was crushed out of him like he’d been caught in a giant fist and squeezed. Cold shock rippled through his veins like ice water, leaving his extremities buzzing on the painful edge of near numbness. His legs gave out and he dropped like a stone, hitting the ground hard and rolling to a stop facing the sky.
Late afternoon clouds were peaking through a section of ceiling that had a smoldering hole blasted through it. For a single stunned second, he watched them drift, painted orange and gold by the swiftly setting sun.
Snapping back to himself, Izuku urged his body to move, thinking of the boy nearby who still needed his protection. He had to stand up and fight, to be the hero Deku, to protect all nearby civilians and defeat the villain, but nothing happened. His body wouldn’t respond. He lay in complete stillness in the rubble, unable to move so much as a finger.
Paralysis quirks were not a foreign concept to him, he’d run into them more than once, the memory of Stain standing out amongst the others, but something instinctual told him this was different. Izuku was certain he’d never been incapacitated to this level before, he had never been this still in his life. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t blink, couldn’t move his eyes.
He… he wasn’t breathing.
Footsteps approached, crunching over bits of broken concrete, and the villain sauntered into his field of vision. Thankfully she was back to prioritizing him over the nearby boy, but she was closing in fast and Izuku still couldn’t move. She leered down at him from above, sliding a long thin dagger from a sheath at her leg with a malevolent sneer.
“Well would you look at that. I took down the great and mighty hero Deku, all by myself! All it took was one hit, now that’s just embarrassing.” She laughed, sharp and mean, shaking her head. “Honestly, it’s kinda a let down. Guess you aren’t much of a legend after all, huh?”
Izuku reached out desperately for his quirk, trying to summon Blackwhip to protect himself, but nothing was responding. He could still feel Danger Sense practically screaming in his mind, but everything else outside of his own head was perfect still. Unreachable. He couldn’t even flinch as the villain raised her knife over his heart with a menacing, deranged cackle.
A crowbar swung in with the precision of a practiced baseball batter from beyond Izuku’s field of vision, cracking the woman across the back of her head and cutting her creepy laugh short. Her eyes rolled up as she crumpled to the side, revealing the teenage boy from before standing terrified behind her in the finishing pose of his swing.
The boy flung away the crowbar and scrambled to Izuku’s side, hovering a hand over his shoulder like he was afraid to touch him. Izuku tried to tell him to run and get to safety, but he couldn’t make himself speak.
“Deku? Holy shit- Deku!”
The teen gaped down at him in utter horror, scanning Izuku’s unmoving, open-eyed stare at the sky beyond.
“H-hey! You gotta wake up, man!”
Izuku could hear tears creeping up the poor kid’s throat as he shook his head in disbelief. Now that he was closer, it was easy to tell the kid was probably about 13, maybe 14 years old. It was awful, he never wanted a civilian to look at him like this again, distraught and full of despair instead of hope.
“No no no, please get up!” The boy begged, giving in to the instinct to grab Izuku’s shoulders and shake him. “Hey! Please be okay- you gotta be okay! You can’t die for me, I’m a nobody! You’re a hero, Deku, so you have to wake up!”
His body moved limply with the boys shaking, but internally Izuku was fighting tooth and nail to give some sort of outward reaction. He tried to make any kind of noise, but there was no air in his lungs.
It was started to sink in just what this quirk was doing to him. He still wasn’t breathing, and if he concentrated he could tell that his heart wasn’t beating either. How was he still alive? It was probably some effect of the quirk, but the survival instinct to panic and fight at the realization that he couldn’t breathe anymore was still a very real one.
“No no, not like this, please not like this-“ mumbling to himself, the teen looked up and around, searching for help across the battlefield, past where Izuku could see due to the direction his eyes had ended up facing. Annoyingly, his vision was significantly being limited by his inability to move.
The boy’s eyes found something and lit with recognition.
“Dynamight!” he screamed, jumping to his feet and sprinting from Izuku’s side, further into the warehouse and towards the sounds of battle. Izuku cursed himself for being unable to reach out and stop him. The boy should be running away from the fighting, not towards it!
He could only listen to the kid’s voice fade away. “Dynamight! Help! Deku is… he’s in trouble!”
Well. On the plus side, that meant Katsuki was nearby. Good. He’d be able to take care of the boy, secure the unconscious villain, and hopefully tuck Izuku somewhere out of the way until he got his motor function back under control. They had been hero partners for five years now, and Izuku trusted him unconditionally. He had nothing to worry about while Kacchan was around.
Katsuki’s commanding voice rang through the warehouse, ordering the kid to get out of the building and head towards the safety line of cop cars and ambulances, much to Izuku’s relief. A new pair of heavy boots came stomping over ruble heading Izuku’s way, but he didn’t tense at their approach. His head had fallen the other direction and he couldn’t see who was coming, but he’d long since memorized the rhythm of Katsuki’s footsteps.
“Deku! Get the fuck up!”
He heard the villain still on the ground behind him being handcuffed in record time, and then Katsuki was there, skidding to his knees at Izuku’s side. He leaned over him, eyes huge and filled with a wild expression Izuku rarely ever saw from him. Fear didn’t belong on Katsuki’s face, and he didn’t like seeing it there.
“Deku?”
Katsuki slapped his cheek, clearly trying to get a response. His voice rose with panic when Izuku’s eyes stayed open but his head fell listlessly to the side.
“OI! Izuku! Fuck, snap out of it! Can you hear me?!”
There had to be some way to communicate to Katsuki that he was okay, or if not ‘okay’ than at least conscious and unharmed. Izuku tried with every ounce of his being to move, to show some kind of twitch or twinge of a sign that he was still awake. The two of them always found ways to communicate with each other on the battle field, even in the strangest of situations. It’s what made them such good partners. The media and their fans often joked that it was like they shared a mind. Surely there was something he could do to tell Katsuki that he was fine.
Unfortunately, he got no acknowledgement that his efforts were being noticed. Katsuki sat back and reached up to rip his orange and black spiked headpiece off, flinging it to the side, getting it out of the way so he could press his head unencumbered to Izuku’s chest, ear positioned directly over his heart.
But… Izuku had no pulse to find. His eyes were open and he was motionless. His heart sat like a dormant stone in his chest, his blood stagnant in his veins, his lungs deflated and still. His body was starting to reach a temperature that living bodies did not.
Oh. This was worse than he thought.
Katsuki was going to think he was-
“No.” Katsuki said flatly, voice too fragile for a person so fierce and powerful. He looked up to examine Izuku’s face, and for the first time in years he appeared to teeter on the edge of truly, purely terrified. “Nonono, don’t do this to me Deku. Don’t you dare.”
Katsuki lowered himself closer, bending down to hover his cheek right above Izuku’s mouth and nose, almost near enough to touch. He was clearly feeling for any hint of breath with the only bare skin he had available, since he still had his gloves and gear on.
Usually having Katsuki so close would make Izuku lightheaded, make his heart hammer and his breath hitch and his cheeks flood with heat, but his inanimate body didn’t react outwardly at all. He’d give anything to breathe now, to whisper something, anything to Katsuki to let him know he was okay, but it was as if he’d been cut off from the rest of the living world, forced to spectate from his unresponsive body like an unsettling dream.
A few seconds went by of absolute stillness while Katsuki waited for any wisp of air from between his lips. It didn’t come.
“Fuck. FUCK!”
In a flurry of movement, Katsuki sprung into action. He sat back on his haunches and started tearing his gauntlets from his arms, loosening the straps with his teeth to speed up the process while he flung off his gloves. As soon he was loose he tossed all the equipment aside, freeing up his hands to center them one over the other on Izuku’s chest, his expression severe with determination and intense focus.
“Shit, okay,” he muttered, as if trying to psych himself up, “C’mon. C’mon, I can do this. I can do this! I can do this, I can do this-“
Oh. Oh crap. Katsuki was going to try to resuscitate him.
It made perfect sense, they’d both been given CPR training and, if under the same circumstances, Izuku was certain he’d do the same thing. Katsuki didnt know what the quirk had done, he probably assumed it had stopped Izuku’s heart with an electric pulse or something similar. CPR was definitely not a bad option.
Except Izuku was still conscious, and still very much alive.
Izuku squirmed in his mind, trying to shout, trying to move, to blink, anything, but the quirk didn’t let him. He could only watch as Katsuki steeled himself and started chest compressions.
Well, Izuku could still feel pain, that was for damn sure. He’d already known that CPR wasn’t pretty and was painful to receive, he’d been warned about it in class and he’d even received it himself, but he’d never been awake for it before. Katsuki was very strong, and he was holding nothing back. He had the look of a man prepared to fistfight the reaper in order to grab Izuku’s soul with his bare hands, and while he appreciated the sentiment, he also knew Katsuki wasn’t going to stop until he got a result that he wanted. The likelihood of it actually working against something quirk-induced was low, since there probably wasn’t anything physically wrong with him. Katsuki couldn’t fix it no matter how hard he tried, and he was trying extremely hard. Hard enough to have Izuku’s ribcage aching under every hearty press of his palms.
Katsuki was too focused to say much else, though Izuku could see him muttering to himself as he counted 30 compressions.
For some reason, even though he knew the steps of CPR as well as Katsuki did, he was completely caught off guard when the other man suddenly sat up, tilted Izuku’s head back, closed off his nose and sealed their mouths together without hesitation.
It certainly wasn’t a kiss, it wasn’t supposed to be and it didn’t feel like one either. It was strange and uncomfortable to have air forced into his lungs this way. But Izuku couldn’t help the rush of conflicted emotion at the feeling of Katsuki’s mouth over his. He’d thought of it before, in the brief moments he let himself daydream, but this was definitely not how he imagined it.
That part didn’t last long, just two breaths before Katsuki was back to the compressions. Izuku felt his sternum crack about halfway through the second set, but Katsuki didn’t stop. After that the compressions went from painful to agonizing, each repetition like driving a hot iron spike into the bone, and he started to panic as he realized he had no idea how to fix this. Sure, he had a high pain tolerance, but every part of this was just horrific. How long was this awful quirk going to last?
“God damnit Izuku! Come back!”
The sound of that gasped, broken plea snapped him back into the moment, temporarily pushing the pain to the background as he focused on Katsuki. When he came up again to administer rescue breaths, Izuku was startled to see tears spilling endlessly down his cheeks. Katsuki didn’t move to wipe them away, didn’t even seem to notice their existence as he focused all his energy into trying to breathe life back into Izuku. This time after the two breaths, the hand holding his nose briefly moved to frame his cheek instead.
“Please,” Katsuki whispered into the few inches between them like a prayer. “Please come back.”
Katsuki never said please.
The chest compressions continued, this time with such intensity Izuku felt two more of his ribs crack under the pressure. He couldn’t cry out, but he could tell he would have screamed by now had he been able.
When Katsuki started to cry out loud, forced to when his breathing began coming in harsh gasps both from the tears and the exertion, Izuku was certain this was a situation ripped straight out of one of their nightmares. The ones that had them calling each other in the middle of the night, desperate to hear a voice to confirm that the other was still alive after flashes of blood and empty eyes in their darkest dreams. The moments he thought he’d lost Katsuki forever were the worst moments of his life, and Izuku wanted nothing more than to be that comforting voice for Katsuki right now. Here he was, inches away while Katsuki was living their nightmare, and all he could do was watch. Seeing him so clearly agonized over Izuku’s lack of response hurt to witness nearly as much as his breaking ribs.
Katsuki didn’t falter. For nearly five minutes, he kept it up, long after it took him to the brink of exhaustion. Izuku was beyond exhausted by that point too, the repetitive and constantly building pulses of pain wearing him down with each compression. There was only so much his body could take, and his ribs and sternum were already cracked. It was truly awful to be conscious for this, but he was certain that watching Katsuki’s will crumple the longer he failed to revive him was far worse. He’d forget the pain eventually. The look on Katsuki’s face would haunt him for the rest of his life.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed, but eventually Izuku heard a few pairs of feet approaching just as Katsuki was leaning forward to breathe for him again. At least that meant all the villians in the area must have been neutralized. Paramedics piled in around them, all shouting for Katsuki to stop and let them take over, but something wild and dangerous splintered into his piercing red eyes when they tried to take Izuku away from him. He dove forward protectively, arms wrapping around his cold body, pulling his torso off the ground and clutching him against his chest. Izuku longed to hold him back, to wrap his arms around Katsuki and comfort him until his body stopped that terrible shaking.
“Dynamight! Sir, you have to let us take him!”
Katsuki didn’t respond, scooping Izuku up into his arms instead and sprinted towards the ambulance on his own, letting the paramedics scramble to follow in his wake.
Only once he was loaded into the ambulance did Izuku really start to analyze just how bad this could turn out to be. They hooked him up to a monitor and got an oxygen mask over his face, but it was pretty clear he wasn’t responding. He knew there had to be some sort of existing rhythm for them to use the defib, so at least he’d be spared of that, but what were they going to do with him if they thought he was dead?
A paramedic took over chest compressions, and while she wasn’t nearly as strong as Katsuki it was still agonizing enough to keep Izuku a little delirious with it. Worry for Katsuki, horrible pain, and anxiety about what might happen next all swirled together in his head, and he found himself falling more into a pattern of simply praying for the quirk to wear off and the ordeal to be over with rather than trying to think of an actual strategy.
Izuku’s head had been positioned in a way that he couldn’t see Katsuki anymore, but he could feel him there, clutching one of Izuku’s hands between both of his. His fingers were strong and warm, familiar even though Katsuki had never really held his hand before. For once, he wasn’t yelling at the EMT’s. He’d fallen completely silent, bent forward to keep Izuku’s knuckles securely pressed against his forehead.
Izuku couldn’t stand it when Kacchan was quiet.
The paramedic performing CPR paused when someone prepared the defibrillator, and it went silent as they all waited for a rhythm Izuku knew they wouldn’t find. The woman above him was sweating, her expression pale and drawn when nothing happened.
“Come on, Deku sir.” She begged softly. “Please.”
Izuku hated this, every second of this hellish helplessness he’d been trapped in. While admittedly the pain sucked, it was something he could manage, but he was a hero to these people. He was supposed to bring them hope, he didn’t want to watch them witness his death, even if it ultimately wasn’t real. He needed to tell them he was okay, that today was still a victory. Being unable to felt like a direct slap to the face of his very ideals.
By the time they got to the hospital, Izuku’s head was starting to swim. The compressions hurt so bad he was starting to wonder if maybe he really was dead, and this was just what being dead was like. Logically he knew he was still alive, he could still feel One for All buzzing in his body and the ineffable odd sort of presence of his own life force, for lack of a better term. His mind was still intact. Sure, he couldn’t reach his quirk right now, but it was temporary. What he was seriously starting to worry about was the condition of his heart and other internal organs. The paramedic’s might end up badly injuring him in their attempts to save his life if they kept this up.
They wheeled him out and found him a room and started hooking him to machines as soon as the ambulance stopped moving. A few nurses tried to get Katsuki to leave, but it became pretty clear pretty quickly that separating them was an impossibility. It didn’t seem to matter much either way, by that point everyone in the room was thinking the same thing. Someone just had to say it.
Finally, the doctor who’d taken charge ordered everyone else to stop. She checked for breath and flashed a light in his eyes for pupil response before stepping back. Izuku was relieved it was over until he heard her speak, voice heavy with horrified disbelief.
“Midoriya Izuku, pro hero Deku…” she glanced at the watch on her wrist, and her hand shook slightly. “Time of death, 19:08.”
Nurses and paramedics stood around him in a ring, all staring in shock, some covering their mouths and some with watering eyes as they took in what they thought was the cooling corpse of their Symbol of Hope.
The sound Katsuki made then was something inhuman, a broken thing that was ripped out from deep within his chest. Izuku knew he’d never forget it, never get that horrible sound out of his head. He had felt that kind of pain before, his mind flashed with images of a broken body on the ground in the rain, and he hated himself in that moment for making Katsuki feel it too.
“NO!”
Izuku could see him now, see Katsuki run forward and grab the doctor who had made the declaration by the shoulders to shout in her face. “No, what the hell are you doing?! You can’t give up on him, you can’t fucking stop!”
The doctor just shook her head helplessly, and Katsuki abandoned her the second he realized she would no longer of any help him. He threw himself at Izuku, positioning his hands back over Izuku’s chest to do it himself.
The doctor and nurses grabbed him, pulling at his arms. “Dynamight, stop! I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry but he’s gone! His brain hasn’t had oxygen in nearly 30 minutes, I’m sorry but-“
“NO!”
Ignoring her, Katsuki clung to Izuku’s shoulders, refusing to let himself be dragged away. “Don’t you dare fucking leave me like this Izuku! Don’t you dare fucking die!”
It was his own final word that broke him. Once it was out in the open, it seemed to split Katsuki right down the middle and he began to sob, collapsing in on himself like a dying star until he was folded over Izuku’s body. An arm tucked under his lifeless back, holding him close.
“Nonono, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. Please, Izuku, please!”
Katsuki never begged. He wasn’t supposed to beg, not for anything. But he certainly was now.
“Don’t leave me,” he whispered, holding Izuku’s face close like he could convince him not to die if he only tried hard enough. As if he would ever need to ask for such a thing, as if Izuku wouldn’t always do everything in his power to stay with him. Izuku could feel Katsuki’s tears falling onto his cheeks as if they were his own, and honestly, he wished he could cry too.
A shaking hand pet senselessly at his hair with a fragile gentleness he never would have guessed Katsuki could possess. “Please, Izuku. Please come back to me.”
He tried. God, how he tried. He tried harder than he’d ever tried to do anything in his life. He reached for every bit of power within himself to find the tiniest sign that he was still here, right here in front of Katsuki, close enough that had he been able to move, he could have tilted up his chin and kissed him. Instead he was condemned to this terrible stillness, forced to listen to Katsuki sob against him, whispering “don’t leave me” over and over as the doctors slowly filed out of the room.
Everything felt so, so cold.
He didn’t know how long it took, but someone eventually came by to coax Katsuki to leave. The only reason it was possible at all was because he appeared to have fallen into such a state of shock. Izuku felt a frenetic surge of dismay at being separated from him; Katsuki’s arms around him had been his only source of comfort in this hell and every instinct in his body was screaming that his partner was in pain and grieving and needing him right now.
A nurse with tears rolling down her face came over to close Izuku’s eyes for him, pulling a sheet over his body as she quietly thanked him for his service. It was a nice sentiment, but frustratingly it meant he couldn’t see anything anymore. Still, it wasn’t hard to tell when she wheeled him into the morgue of the hospital since the temperature suddenly dropped to match that of his insides at the moment. He felt like a block of ice.
The door closed behind her with a click, and as far as he could tell he was alone. He tried not to wonder if there were any bodies in here with him, he just hoped this damn quirk wore off before his mom came in to identify him or something. She definitely didn’t need that kind of trauma, and after what had just happened with Katsuki, he didn’t want to put anyone through that again.
Minutes went by and nothing happened. The freezing quiet was starting to drill away at his mind, and he really didn’t know what to expect next. The paralysis quirks he’d encountered in the past all wore off gradually, so for some reason he’d assumed the same would happen here. He tried to manifest it, imagining the tingling of returning sensation in his hands and feet, followed by the slow re-inflation of his lungs and return of his heartbeat.
Instead, everything came slamming back all at once. He’d been trying with every fiber of his being to move for so long, his body flailed wildly the instant he was able to do so. He made a sound like a drowning man finally breaching the surface and shot into a seated position, regretting it instantly as he coughed and spluttered and clutched at his aching torso. His heart kickstarted into and thundering rhythm and his lungs clawed desperately for air. He thrashed to rip the sheet off his head, but the sickening shift of cracked ribs and a sudden debilitating dizziness had him in a fetal position on his side in seconds. The doctor had been right, he had gone well over half an hour without breathing, and he had no idea how he wasn’t dead. By all accounts he should be- in fact by officially recorded accounts he technically was. But he could analyze the quirk and deal with the paperwork later. Right now, he needed to find Katsuki.
Kicking the rest of the sheet off his legs, Izuku tried to stand up and promptly rolled himself right off the gurney and onto the floor, hitting the linoleum hard enough to jar pain through his whole body. Okay, maybe he didn’t have full range of motion back yet, because throwing himself to the floor like a fish definitely hadn’t been the plan. The mad beat of his heart was sprinting like it was trying to make up for lost time, but he was still so cold. He could feel the chill lingering in his blood, an electric blue freeze pumping through his veins. It was better than the stagnance of nothing, but it left him sluggish and weak, and he only made it to the door by dragging himself across the floor one arm after the other in a poor imitation of an army crawl.
Once he reached it he was able to use the door for support in getting his feet under him, gritting his teeth at the pins and needles shooting up his legs. Pulling the handle open with clumsy hands, he stumbled out of the morgue and into the hallway. Hopefully he didn’t scare the living daylights out of any of the personnel in the building that all very much thought he was dead right now.
Luckily, finding Katsuki didn’t take that long. He had to take the elevator back up from the basement level first, but as Izuku hobbled towards the front of the building he spotted a familiar figure up ahead. What he saw broke his heart all over again.
Katsuki was on his knees on the floor in the waiting room, bowed forward as if an unfathomable weight now rested on his back. His head was clutched in his hands, fingers knotted into his hair nearly to the point of tearing it out.
Kirishima and Mina were with him, they’d been on the scene at the warehouse and had likely just arrived at the hospital. Kirishima was standing like a statue in front of Katsuki’s bowed form, pale as a ghost in obvious shock after just receiving the news.
Mina had collapsed beside Katsuki, a hand on his shoulder as if trying to comfort him even as she sobbed her own eyes out.
Izuku couldn’t stand to watch this for another second. He shoved away from the wall and stumbled into a run, tripping over his own feet and crashing to the floor but pushing himself up again, trying to call out to Katsuki. It didn’t work the first time, wheezing out into nothingness with the dwindling strength of his throbbing ribs, but he kept trying until he was loud enough to be heard just as he sprinted out into the waiting room.
“K-Kacchan!”
Mina screamed, Kirishima swore and stumbled away in shock, but Izuku didn’t care. His legs were collapsing already as he threw himself down next to Katsuki and grabbed his face, not letting go when Katsuki gasped and tried to scramble back. His chest was heaving, beautiful red eyes consumed by a grief so insurmountable Izuku knew he would do anything in the world to ease it.
“Kacchan!” He said again, thumbing away tears. “It’s okay!! Everything’s fine, it was just a quirk! I’m okay! I’m right here, I’m so sorry- I didn’t leave you, I promise!”
Katsuki stared at him in a swirling inferno of pain, confusion, and utter disbelief, eyes scanning every centimeter of his face like he’d been staved of it. “I… Izuku?”
“Yes! I’m okay Kacchan, everything oka-!“
He was cut off as Katsuki dove at him, wrapping his arms around him and crushing him to his chest, burying his face in the juncture between Izuku’s shoulder and neck.
The strong hold of Katsuki’s arms was comforting beyond measure in theory, but Izuku was still injured and completely unable to keep from crying out.
The strangling hold on him immediately gentled, Katsuki reacting instantaneously to the sound of his pain. He still refused to let Izuku go, but his hold shifted from a terrified clutch to an almost cradling embrace instead. His hands smoothed up Izuku’s back and held him with the lightest touch, as if reveling in the solid proof of his presence.
Katsuki’s face turned suddenly inward towards him, and it so shocking Izuku almost thought he was imagining it as five or six desperate lingering kisses were littered over his jaw and up the side of his face. They were firm, warm, feverish things, closed-mouthed presses of lips against skin. A frantic search for any affirmation that he was alive and breathing underneath.
“Kacchan-“ Izuku choked out, gripping his shoulders and trying to pull back enough to capture his attention. He could feel the pure panic still coursing through the other man’s body like an electrical current, he needed to try and calm him down. “Kacchan, hey, look at me.”
Katsuki finally stopped moving, coming to rest with his forehead pressed against Izuku’s, one hand framing his face and the other pressed to the small of his back, keeping him close. His eyes fell closed as appeared to bask in the warmth and nearness of him, just breathing Izuku in.
Katsuki had never ever acted like this before. Never touched him like this, never held him close, never kissed his face- and it was doing insane things to Izuku’s heart. He just wished it was happening under different circumstances. Katsuki had never spent that much time thinking Izuku was dead either, and it wasn’t something he ever wanted to watch him go through again.
Hesitantly, Izuku raised his hands and settled them on either side Katsuki’s face, not sure if it would help snap him out of this but willing to try. Katsuki pulled him the tiniest bit closer in response, pressing their heads together hard enough it hurt. He finally opened his eyes again to meet Izuku’s worried gaze, only for a moment before continuing down to scan him for injuries. He shook his head in disbelief.
”…are you real?”
That was enough to nearly make him want to cry. He nodded frantically. ”Yes! Yes, Kacchan, of course!”
Katsuki’s voice was hoarse and still shuddering out of him in aftershocks from crying. “I- I don’t understand. Did I go fucking inane- what happened? Fuck, Izuku you- you didn’t have a- you were-“
“I know,” Izuku jumped in, soothingly thumbing at his face, wanting to spare him from having to say it out loud. “I know what it looked like, but it was a quirk. Sort of like paralysis I think, except it froze my pulse and breathing too. I’m not sure how it works, but I was with you the whole time. I never left you, I swear. Not for a single second.”
He’d been aiming to be comforting, but Katsuki’s chest hitched and his eyes widened in horror at the implication, “You were awake?!”
Izuku nodded. “Yes. I tired to let you know somehow, but I couldn’t move. I’m just glad it wore off before you tried to bury me or something!”
It was a bad joke. A really bad joke, and it definitely didn’t land. Katsuki’s face crumpled into a broken mess of anger and grief as he shook Izuku by the shoulders with a strangled yell.
“God DAMNIT Izuku! I thought I fucking lost you you stupid perfect piece of god damn shit- don’t you ever do that to me again, you hear me?!”
“I know, I’m sorry-!“
Katsuki was already shaking his head. “No, no, Izuku you don’t know. You have no idea what seeing you- what that did to me.”
“Kacchan, I do. I do know.”
There was a moment between them then. A moment of perfect understanding and synchronicity. The realization that both of them had witnessed the one they loved most in the world die, followed by the realization that they were each the one the other loved most in the world.
Silence settled into stillness, and Izuku swore he saw Katsuki’s eyes dart down to his lips.
“Uh… guys? Not to like, interrupt this really touching moment, but I think maybe we should not stay on the floor?”
Izuku jumped at the sound of Mina’s voice breaking the silence, finally tearing his eyes away from Katsuki to see her standing beside them. Kirishima was at her side, still looking a little pale but clearly in much better spirits now that Izuku was alive again.
“Oh!” Izuku laughed a little self consciously, shaking himself out of it. “Right, come on Kacchan, let’s get up.”
Katsuki looked a little pissed off that they’d been interrupted, but he clambered to his feet anyway. His eyes spiked with warning when Izuku tried to follow suit and hissed in pain, clutching his chest.
“You’re hurt,” he said accusatorially.
“It’s just from the compressions, I’ll be fine.”
Izuku saw the exact moment Katsuki thought back and remembered the crack of bones under the heels of his hands, and a glint of guilt flashed over his handsome face. In the thick of things Katsuki hadn’t seemed to care much about the idea of hurting him, obviously Izuku’s life mattered more than a few broken bones, and it’d been perfectly reasonable to assume he’d spent the duration of the attempted resuscitation unconscious and wouldn’t feel it. But with the added knowledge that he’d been awake and hurting the whole time, Katsuki’s memory of the whole experience was probably looking even more bleak than it already had before.
“Really, I’m okay!” Izuku insisted, trying again to stand.
“Oh no you don’t. I felt your ribs break idiot, don’t fucking move.”
Katsuki bent to pick Izuku up off the floor, lifting him under the knees and back with unusual care. Izuku let his temple fall to the side to rest against his sturdy collar bone, the exhaustion in his body catching up to him now that everything was more or less back to normal. Katsuki turned his head to look closer at his face, narrowing his eyes when he noticed Izuku’s drifting closed.
“Hey.” He snapped.
“‘M fine, just tired.”
Katsuki grunted and started walking back down the hall, clearly in search of a doctor. “Well don’t go to sleep on me just yet, nerd. We seriously need to get you checked out.”
Kirishima and Mina hurried after them, and Izuku glimpsed their faces over Katsuki’s shoulder.
“Yeah man,” Kirishima said, “They literally pronounced you dead like ten minutes ago. You feeling alright?”
Izuku felt Katsuki’s hands tighten around him at the reminder, and he did his best to sound as lighthearted as possible. “Don’t worry, really, I’m fine. I’m more worried about all the poor nurses we’re about to scare when I show up walking and talking again.”
”You ain’t walking anywhere, idiot.”
They did end up scaring, or at the very least shocking, quite a few medical professionals before word finally spread that Izuku had somehow managed to survive being dead for half an hour. His doctor insisted on running a multitude of tests, double checking everything she could think of to make sure he was alright, but in the end his only injuries were the two ribs and the fracture in his sternum. Once the resident healer finished fusing his bones back together with her quirk, Izuku felt nearly good as new. That didn’t stop his doctor from sending him home with a strict schedule of low activity and bed rest for the rest of the week, though. Izuku was more than ready to head home and fall into his own sheets by the time he was released, but he was surprised when Katsuki drove right past the exit for his neighborhood after offering to drive him home.
He recognized the alternate route immediately, and didn’t say a single word as Katsuki drove them to his own apartment instead.
The red glare shot his way as Katsuki parked the car was enough to keep Izuku in his seat until the other man could hurry around and open his door for him, helping him stand. Izuku opened his mouth to insist he was fine, but Katsuki snapped at him to shut up before he even said the words. He rolled his eyes and let himself be helped inside.
Wordlessly, Katsuki took him in and sat him carefully on his couch, kneeling in front of him to unlace his shoes. Izuku could only sit and watch in bashful silence, hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious. Any other time, even when injured, he’d be scrambling to say he was perfectly capable and that Katsuki didn’t have to do that for him. But something seemed awfully fragile about Katsuki right now, and Izuku got the feeling he should let him be.
Giving him a pair of house slippers and leaving him on the couch, Katsuki went as far as the kitchen to start prepping dinner. He chopped up onions and fried pork in silence, never straying anywhere Izuku would no longer be in his line of sight.
Izuku curled up against the couch cushions, watching him worriedly. He knew Katsuki wasn’t okay, he didn’t expect him to simply ‘get over’ what had happened today. Just because Izuku hadn’t actually died, that didn’t change the fact that it had been very real to Katsuki in the moment. Izuku knew exactly what that felt like, and that feeling didn’t just go away.
He wanted to help, but he wasn’t sure how.
Eventually Katsuki approached him again, reaching for his hands to help him stand and lead him to the dining area.
“Kacchan…” he began hesitantly, but Katsuki shook his head and pulled out a chair for him at the table. He brought out two twin plates of katsudon, sliding one in front of Izuku without preamble.
“You really didn’t have to-“
For the first time since entering the apartment, Katsuki spoke.
“Just let me do this for you, Izuku,” He said roughly. “I need to do this.”
Izuku gave him a patient smile. “I let you take me to your place, didn’t I? I’m not going to stop you Kacchan, I just want you to talk to me.”
Katsuki lowered his head so much he was able to hide his face with his spiky hair. “I… I don’t think I can.”
Izuku’s shoulders sagged a little, but he nodded in understanding. “Okay. Thank’s for the food, it smells amazing.”
Katsuki barely touched his own plate as he waited for Izuku to finish. It truly was delicious, Katsuki’s katsudon was one of his favorite things in the world, but the growing seed of worry in his gut was making it difficult to eat.
“Kacchan, you should eat. It’s been a long day, and I know you haven’t had anything since we went for breakfast this morning.”
“Not hungry.”
He sighed but let it go, too familiar with Katsuki’s stubborn nature to bother dying on this hill- today’s events notwithstanding. He finished his food and tried to help with dishes, but Katsuki banished him to the couch again. By the time the kitchen was clean, the anxiety had wound itself up into a tight knot in his stomach.
Katsuki didn’t seem to know what to do with himself once the dishes were done. He stood listlessly in the kitchen until Izuku called to him and waved him over to the couch. He seemed reluctant, but came to sit next to him anyway.
Directly next to him.
He was suddenly so close, and Izuku felt his heart rate skyrocket at the memory of Katsuki’s arms around him, his hands on his back, his mouth hot and insistent as he’d kissed up Izuku’s neck and face. That had been real, Katsuki had kissed him. He wasn’t sure what that meant for them now, but it had happened.
Had it been a heat of the moment type of thing? Would Katsuki want to… do that kind of thing again?
Katsuki breathed out a long slow sigh, lowering his head into his hands, and Izuku immediately shook himself free of his previous train of thought. He needed to make sure Katsuki was okay before they could tackle anything else. He reached out, putting a careful hand on his knee.
After what must have been ten whole minutes of silence, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to ask.
“Kacchan? Are you o-”
“Don’t,” Katsuki cut him off, though it was lacking his usual bite. He sounded weary to the bone. “Do not fucking ask me what you’re about to fucking ask me.”
“Alright, alright, I won’t. But… is there anything I can do? Can I help?”
Katsuki smoothed the blonde spikes of his hair back over his forehead, peaking up at him tiredly. His eyes flicked back and forth between Izuku’s own, studying his features for a long time like he was trying to put every line to perfect memory.
Then all at once, Katsuki straightened up, reached out, and gathered both of Izuku’s hands securely between his own.
”Fine. You wanna do this now, guess we’re doing this now.”
Izuku nodded encouragingly, eager for anything Katsuki was willing to talk to him about. It was so rare that he could convince him to open up, it was an opportunity he would never jeopardize.
Katsuki squeezed his hands hard, meeting his gaze with a look of solid determination that didn’t quite manage to fully mask the still thrashing torrent of doubt and anxiety just behind it. Izuku held him there like an anchor, promising never to let him be swept away in its wake.
“I need to tell you something, Izuku. Something I’ve been thinking about for years. And I haven’t ever said it to you because it… fuck, it just never seemed like the right time. Or maybe I thought you already knew, or that it wasn’t worth saying, or maybe I’ve just been a coward about it, I don’t know. But I- fuck-“
He broke off to swear under his breath, looking away to gather himself for a moment before meeting Izuku’s steady gaze again. This time his bright red eyes had a shine to them that hadn’t been there before.
“I thought I lost you today. For good this time, forever. When I saw you lying still and cold on that fucking gurney and I thought of all the shit I never fucking said to you, all the shit you deserve to hear that I just never told you and I- I just-“
Izuku couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop his own tears from choking up his throat in a whisper for him, “Kacchan-“
“I love you, Izuku. I’ve loved you for a long time, and I’m the biggest idiot on the planet for not telling you sooner. It is worth saying, and thank fuck I’m getting a second chance because I wouldn’t know what to do with myself in a world without you in it. I know I don’t deserve you, but now I’ve seen that world and it’s fucking dark and lifeless and I never wanna see it again.”
It was a beautiful thing to hear, and a terrible thing to hear- at least the part about darkness and not deserving him- but Izuku couldn’t hold himself back a single second more. He launched himself at Katsuki and all but climbed on top of him in order to get his hands on him, sinking them into his hair and yanking him close to smash their mouths together. Katsuki grunted against his lips in surprise but didn’t miss a beat, catching him in steadying arms to guide him to sit fully in his lap, kissing him back with equal enthusiasm.
It was clumsy and frantic and perfect, and Izuku wanted to keep kissing him forever and likely would have tried, but eventually Katsuki started gently urging him back with a soft chuckle, wide warm hands soothing up and down his sides. Izuku couldn’t figure out what Katsuki was laughing about until he realized he’d started sobbing so excessively it was probably making him pretty hard to kiss.
“Easy Izuku, relax. You’re gonna pop a rib back out of place, damn.”
Izuku collapsed forward against his chest, hiccuping against the warm skin of his neck as he cried. “I love you too, Kacchan! I love you so so much!”
“Yeah, I gathered that,” Katsuki said dryly, but his arms still tightened around him at the sound of the words out loud.
Izuku snuggled closer too, letting every ounce of stress that had built up over the course of this terrible evening release from him now in this safe circle of Katsuki’s embrace.
“I’m sorry I scared you today,” he sniffled. “It was awful seeing you right there, knowing I had no way to tell you I was okay.”
Katsuki made a displeased hum. “Still can’t believe you were fucking awake for that. Sorry ‘bout the ribs or whatever.”
”It’s okay. You’re very good at CPR.”
”That’s your takeaway? Don’t really love the fact that you know that now.”
“Kacchan’s good at everything.”
“Pft. Yeah well, just don’t do it again and I’ll let the whole dying thing slide.”
Izuku laughed through his tears, wiping them away with his sleeve. “Deal.”
As the blurriness of his eyes eased, he was able to focus enough to see the devastatingly enamored look Katsuki was giving him now. It was a look absolutely flooded with devotion and affection, not a single part of it hidden from view. Like he’d decided he didn’t need to mask it anymore.
It was nearly enough to bring Izuku back to the brink of tears again, and it certainly made him blush.
“I was surprised when you kissed me in the hospital today,” he muttered, bashful. “Honestly, I was half convinced I made it up!”
Katsuki blinked, the honeyed look in his eyes fading a bit. “Wait, what?”
“Uh… in the waiting room? When I first woke up? I ran to hug you and you, uh…” Izuku glanced away and fiddled with a curl of green hair, suddenly shy despite having literally just kissed Katsuki in a much more intimate way moments before. “…You kissed my neck and my face.”
An adorable shade of pink crept up Katsuki’s neck into his ears. Clearly, he hadn’t remembered that part.
“Shit, are you serious? I didn’t even... you were back, and I was just so- I must have…” Katsuki cleared his throat, obviously caught off guard but still trying to sound like his usual unshakable self. “I was wondering why the hell you were so quick to jump me, never thought you’d make the first move. Guess I was right.”
Izuku grinned and leaned in, leaving a long, slow kiss on Katsuki’s lips and reveling in the way the other man positively melted under his touch.
“I would have done that whether you kissed me first or not after hearing you say you love me. I’ve been waiting to hear those words from you forever.”
Katsuki snorted, darting in again to steal another kiss like he couldn’t get enough. Neither of them could. “Idiot. You could have said something before, I would have told you.”
“I could say the same to you. I guess that’s makes both of us idiots then, huh?”
“Oi. Who the hell do you think you’re calling an idiot?”
“You. You’re my very favorite idiot, if it helps.”
Katsuki tossed back his head and laughed, and Izuku swore it was the best sound he’d ever heard. Even better when heard from up close.
“Fine,” Katsuki smiled. “Long as it stays that way, I guess I can make an exception.”