Chapter Text
In hindsight, it had been obvious. Had Aaron not been so in denial about any possibility of Andrew not being straight, he would have realized it sooner.
Andrew and Kevin had always been weird together, before Neil even came into the picture and made everything worse. Obsessed with each other. Stealing looks that Aaron couldn’t just put on accidental events.
He wasn’t sure of the extent of where this went, if they ever did something together, or if they had just been walking on a thin line, not quite crossing it. But one thing was glaringly evident to him; if Andrew had gotten over it by giving all his attention to Neil and whatever they were, Kevin clearly hadn’t.
Kevin made for a pitiful sight at the bar, staring at Andrew and Neil nearly in each other’s laps at their table. Aaron sighed. He couldn’t take any more of this.
He downed one last drink, decided not to handle that sober, and slammed his glass next to Kevin, startling him.
“What do you want ?” Kevin hissed as he finally looked away from the two lovebirds to look at Aaron. His cheeks were already rosy from the alcohol. Uh oh. Not a good sign.
Aaron took the seat next to him, glancing around to make sure no nosy bartender was listening in. He didn’t need Roland to gossip to Andrew about this. “Thought you were trying to stop drinking ?”
Kevin scowled and waved a hand dismissively, the other one tightening around his glass. “Shut up. You don’t know shit.”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Kevin, it’s well known I don’t know shit about addiction,” he snarked. Just because he had decided to start this conversation didn’t mean he had to be nice about it.
“You were staring at them again,” he said, and noted the way Kevin’s eyebrows rose slightly. “You know, at this rate, Andrew’s going to notice.”
If he hadn’t already. Andrew was pretty observant; it was likely he did indeed know, but didn’t show it because he didn’t see the point. Typical of him, but Aaron was going to spare Kevin from hearing that comment.
“There’s nothing to notice,” Kevin said, voice firm. An impressive feat with all he had drunk, but Aaron wasn’t fooled. He had seen the glint of confusion and panic in his eyes, which gave away much more than Kevin wanted to.
He hummed. “Sure, there isn’t. Your feelings for him must just be a detail, then ?”
Kevin’s jaw clenched, a murderous gaze in his eyes. If only Aaron could take the threat seriously, then Kevin wouldn’t look so ridiculous. He raised an eyebrow, not moving an inch from his seat. If Kevin wanted to punch him, he could do it easily. But Aaron knew he wouldn’t.
“You’re going to hurt me ? With Andrew here ?”
There, both of their weakness. Andrew’s misplaced protectiveness could serve a purpose, he supposed.
Kevin scoffed. “We both know he’s too busy making eyes at Neil to look your way,” he said, but he visibly relaxed, any show of potential violence gone.
And, ouch. Kevin wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t a good reminder. Good thing Aaron wasn’t one to back down at the simplest quip, and that he had something in mind. He hadn’t sat down here to chat with no purpose, after all.
“Right. That’s the reason why he hasn’t looked your way since he appeared, after all,” he drawled, his eyes locked on Kevin, appraising.
“Look, what’s your deal ?” Kevin snapped. “Had your fun ? Did Katelyn dumping you make you so miserable that you had to unleash it all on me ?”
Kevin hit too close to home once again, but this time, at least, it was a necessary subject to bring up.
No one knew the reasons he and Katelyn had broken up because it was no one’s business but theirs, but Aaron was aware of what everyone was thinking behind his back. That he had been the problem, the sole reason everything was over, that she had finally seen all the bad in him and saved herself before it was too late. They couldn’t fathom that it had all been mutual, that sometimes people just broke up, that it happened without any big crashing.
No, of course. It had to be Aaron’s fault.
But his anger wasn’t what had spurred him to go talk to a pining Kevin.
No matter how relatively calm the breakup had been handled, it had still left Aaron feeling empty. There was a hole shaped like Katelyn’s image inside him that couldn’t disappear so easily. Not when he had dreamed of a picket-fence future with kids, and maybe a dog, both graduated from med school. It had all been with her, with Katelyn.
Until it hadn’t.
He didn’t know what to do with that, had never expected things to go this way. After finally being allowed to have her, how could he forgive himself for losing her so easily ? So what if a lot of people didn’t stay with their first love, so what if people grew, and changed, and moved on ? It was never supposed to be the case for him, Aaron had pettily thought. He had thought they’d be better than that, better than the average person. His arrogance had gotten the best of him.
And here he was, about to make the dumbest proposition of his life.
He shrugged. “I’ve been curious,” he said—an honest admission. What better time to experiment than fresh out of a breakup ? He tilted the glass in his hand, staring at the distorted reflection. “How about I take a page out of Andrew’s book ? Let’s make a deal.”
Even the worst examples could have something good to take from. Aaron didn’t intend for this deal to have the same weight as Andrew’s anyway.
“What are you on ?” Kevin mumbled, but didn’t get up and leave like Aaron expected he would. Had Kevin been sober, he wondered if the conversation would have gotten that far.
“I look like Andrew,” he stated, turning his head to look at Kevin straight in the eyes. “Which is someone you could never have.”
Apply pressure to stop the bleeding. Kevin’s eyes narrowed, clearly coming to an understanding.
“Are you—Are you serious ?” Kevin sputtered in apparent disbelief.
Aaron made a sign to one of the bartenders to order a refill for both of their drinks. He knew how to bargain with someone like Kevin.
“We could both get something out of it. I can experiment with my sexuality with someone conveniently at hand's reach, and I can fill the void Katelyn left behind. You get to have the closest thing you’ll have to Andrew. Win-win situation,” he explained, though he was sure it was unnecessary. Kevin had already caught on from Aaron’s previous words, but laying things out never hurt. It was better not to start something like this with unsaid words and misunderstandings.
Their glasses were full again, and Aaron waited until the bartender left to lift his glass in Kevin’s direction, a blatant peace offering. The meaning wasn’t lost on Kevin, if the look on his face said anything.
“Cheers ?”
Kevin didn’t react right away, obviously mulling over Aaron’s suggestion. It was fine; he could let Kevin take his time; he had no intent to rush him. It would be a bit humiliating to leave his barstool empty-handed after all he had said, but there was no world in which he would actually force Kevin’s hand for this.
There was no need to, in the end. Kevin raised his glass, and in a clink, the deal was done.
“How…” Kevin started. He frowned, apparently unable to come up with more words.
“We already drank too much today,” Aaron said. This was already irresponsible enough; there was no need to make the situation worse by doing anything while they weren’t completely clear-headed. “Come to my room tomorrow after breakfast.”
Andrew and Neil would be too busy with each other to care, and if they pretended to study, Nicky would leave them alone.
A perfect plan. He could leave his future self to handle the rest; tomorrow was another day, and another problem.
When one hour passed after breakfast without any sign of Kevin coming up, Aaron started to wonder if he had gotten cold feet. Which, if it were the case, fine, whatever. He wasn’t going to grab Kevin by the dick to pull him into his room.
There was, unfortunately (or fortunately), no time to lament over how mortifying the memory of last night would be if Kevin stood him up when he heard knocks on his door. Living around certain people for long enough made him aware of Nicky’s exact patterns, and he doubted Andrew would be so polite as to knock more than once as a warning on Aaron’s door. There was no need to consider the third, improbable option that was Neil.
“Door’s open,” he said, loud enough for Kevin to hear from the other side of the door. He shifted in his bed, back against the headboard, and put the book he had been reading back on the nightstand, using a crumpled receipt as a bookmark. He didn’t want to move to get a decent one, okay ?
Kevin entered with a lack of confidence that was almost shocking for him. Aaron was used to seeing this man drowning in pride, looking down at Aaron disdainfully if he dared miss a ball at practice. He couldn’t really say he didn’t appreciate the change, or the fact that he was the one who provoked it.
After locking the door behind him, Kevin didn’t move from where he was standing awkwardly near the door, as if waiting for some sort of lashing from Aaron.
“Are you waiting for it to snow ? Come here,” Aaron said and tapped the spot on the bed next to him. Kevin walked towards the bed, slowly, and Aaron couldn’t help the sigh that left him. “Jesus, have you never done this before ?”
Kevin frowned as he sat on the edge of the bed, still too far from Aaron. “I don’t exactly do casual hook-ups,” he retorted. “If someone recognized me, it could damage my reputation.”
Right, right, because he was so much better than the rest of them, wasn’t he ?
“Have you ever been with a man before, then ?” He asked, because he admittedly hadn’t himself. Research could only take you that far without experience, and while the goal of this for him was to try and experiment, if Kevin were completely inexperienced, it might hinder Aaron’s results.
“One.” Kevin looked at the sheets as if they were suddenly more interesting than anything else in the world.
Aaron waited for an elaboration, something more. There was none of that.
“Okay,” he replied. One was still better than zero. “Lead the way, then.”
Kevin inched closer to him, a hand pressed against the mattress. “You’ve never—”
“Great thinking, genius. What gave it away ?” Aaron cut off, embarrassed. It wasn’t necessarily something to be ashamed of, but they didn’t need to go on about it. “Was it the word ‘experimenting’ or the comments I made towards Andrew and Nicky in the past ?”
“At least you’re self-aware,” Kevin replied. This Queen of irony.
Kevin didn’t have the right to say anything to him anyway. Hadn’t he been the one to say being straight was easier ? Aaron had agreed at the time, and still did, though not quite for the same reasons.
“Fuck you,” Aaron riposted. And if Kevin weren’t going to fucking get a move on already, then he would. He crept closer to Kevin until he was sitting on his knees in front of him, nearly touching. There was something a bit irritating about having to look up even when they were both sitting in a similar position, but what could he do ?
“You’re here to screw me because I look close enough to the real person you want, it’s not any better,” he spat.
What now ? Great talk, Aaron, great confidence. It didn’t make actually making a move on Kevin fucking Day any easier.
“Can you take off your glasses ?” Kevin asked, completely ignoring the jab. The edge in his tone was odd for such a simple request, but Aaron complied. They might get in the way, after all—
Aaron’s eyes widened as he dropped the glasses on his book. Andrew didn’t wear glasses. The realization didn’t hurt; he knew what he was getting into, but it didn’t make it any less weird.
“I don’t have any armbands to wear, sadly,” he falsely complained. Maybe he should wear all black the next time they do this.
Next time, uh. He was really getting ahead of himself, and they hadn’t even started.
“You look so much like him,” Kevin whispered, and cupped Aaron’s face with his hands. There was a bit of amazement in his voice, which was perplexing for Aaron. That wasn’t new.
“How observant,” he flatly said, trying to ignore the warmth in Kevin’s hand, and how, if he moved his head the tiniest bit, their lips would be on each other’s.
He was taking it all in, slowly. It was a man, in front of him, Kevin, out of all people. Kevin, who was in love (or whatever) with his twin, but that was a detail. Kevin was a man, and yet, if Aaron felt apprehensive, there was no repulsion when thinking about what would inevitably happen.
“Can I…” Kevin started, thumb brushing Aaron’s cheek.
Aaron didn’t let him finish his sentence.
It was chaste. He knew how to kiss, had probably done it more than Kevin, considering that while the other man had been with Thea, they weren’t in the same vicinity so often, but it was still a first. Kevin didn’t press him as Aaron thought he would, as if he was waiting for Aaron to take the lead.
Because that was what Andrew would have done, he thought as the kiss broke, all to be pulled back into another. He put his hands, which had been pressed into the mattress, on Kevin’s shoulders, and felt the smile Kevin made, all too giddy and gross, surely because in his mind, he was finally kissing the one he had wanted all this time.
It wasn’t uncomfortable, nor was it disgusting. Kevin’s lips were soft, almost like a girl’s, save for the fact that his lip balm wasn’t flavored as Katelyn’s had been. The biggest realization, though, settling in Aaron’s bones with the weight and grace of an elephant, was that he wanted more. Not because it was Kevin, but out of simple lust, a fiery desire he could have felt for a random hook-up with a woman.
He liked it.
When it finally came to a halt, Aaron couldn’t stop staring at Kevin’s eyes, shades of greens he had never noticed before, not quite breathless but ashamedly wishing they had gone so far he would’ve been.
“Neither of you wears lip balm, but you would both benefit from it,” was Kevin’s conclusion of it, apparently.
Way to ruin the mood. Maybe it wasn’t too late to kick him out of his bed.
“You’ve kissed Andrew before ?”
Perhaps they had actually been something then. Would that mean Andrew had been the ‘one’ ?
“No,” Kevin corrected, though obviously not happy about it. “But I mean.” His face was flushed. “I’ve been looking.” His eyes flickered down to Aaron’s lips.
Aaron didn’t reply, letting the silence hover. He must have somewhat underestimated the extent of Kevin’s longing for Andrew, now so thrown in his face that he wondered how come everyone on earth hadn’t realized.
“Well, now you can do more than look,” Aaron said. He kept his voice leveled, trying his best to maintain a blank face. A poor imitation, but Kevin seemed to appreciate the gesture, if the way he fervently pulled Aaron into a heated, open-mouthed kiss said anything.
Aaron was losing himself in the feeling and definitely, undoubtedly, appreciated it. Only the first test, and he could already conclude this was a successful experiment. It could’ve gone on forever, the time passing, the others downstairs, all that wasn’t Kevin’s tongue in his mouth was forgotten. Nothing could have disturbed him, but then Kevin just had to speak when they let go of each other to catch their breath.
“Andrew,” Kevin whined, and reached for him again.
Aaron moved one of his hands to slam it on Kevin’s mouth and glared at him. Eugh. Maybe he wasn’t made for this, after all. He thought he would have been okay with it, really. He had expected it, and yet, Andrew’s name felt like a bucket of ice water falling onto him.
Kevin blinked rapidly, and Aaron dropped his hand, hoping the message had been clear.
“No ?” Kevin asked, a bit pitiful. Heartbreaking, really, but Aaron would rather put his self-esteem first.
“Well, hearing it is kind of a turn off,” Aaron bluntly said. What was he going to do, lie and say hearing his brother’s name in bed excited him ? “But imagine it to your heart’s content if you want, that much I’ll allow.”
See, he could still be nice. Kevin could have all the fantasies he wanted with Aaron serving as a stand-in, so long as he didn’t utter Andrew’s damn name.
Aaron sighed, and his lips tugged downwards. “That’s enough for today anyway. They’ll get suspicious if you stay here too long.”
He got up from his bed, smoothing his shirt, leaving Kevin there to stare at him like an idiot.
“I’m sorry,” Kevin said, before he slid off the bed to stand on the opposite side of Aaron’s, putting what Aaron was sure to be a purposeful distance.
The worst part was that he sounded like he meant it. Aaron had never heard those words from Kevin, certainly not aimed at him, and he couldn’t believe that the first time would be because of some weird make-out session mishap.
What did make sense was that it had something to do with Andrew. Would Kevin have apologized if Aaron didn’t share the face so dear to him ?
“Don’t be. I don’t care about your feelings, and you don’t have to pretend you care about mine.”
It made things easier, if anything. There was no need to involve any kind of feelings, to make this whole ordeal messier than it already was. Aaron was satisfied with that much.
“And don’t worry,” Aaron reassured. He wasn’t sure if it was more for Kevin or for himself. “Your Andrew replica will still be here tomorrow and the days after that.”
The next time it happened, they were both more prepared. Prepared, as in Kevin didn’t look as antsy anymore, ready to flee the second Aaron moved the wrong way, as in Aaron making sure the dorms would be empty for at least a little while.
It would have been too risky to do anything else on Saturday, and Sunday had been busy with packing back to the dorms and then Kevin getting into an argument with Neil about their training regimen. Aaron had thought that Kevin might have wanted to burn off some anger with him, but after Kevin’s retreat to his own dorm without a word spared for Aaron, it became obvious it wasn’t in his plan.
Or maybe they just weren’t there yet. Despite being more relaxed than two days ago, it was evident that Kevin was still not fully confident about what they were doing. That was where it got weird, really, because Aaron wasn’t used to not seeing him confident.
He thought, again, that this must be a sight Andrew must be used to more than he was.
He wondered, however, if the same could be applied to a shirtless Kevin in his bed. He doubted it; if they hadn’t even kissed, it was unlikely they had gotten that far—or far at all. A sight to behold, really. Though it was nothing Aaron hadn’t seen before in the locker room or in their dorms, because Kevin’s shame for nakedness was almost inexistent, something that had to do with the Nest, but he could admit that the new context made him able to see it in a different light.
Kevin had a nice body, which wasn’t new either, but Aaron had never taken quite the time to appreciate it. Those were the muscles of someone who dedicated his life to a sport; Aaron was far from gangly, but he didn’t put the same energy Kevin did into Exy, and sadly wasn’t blessed with some height to make up for it.
He would feel ashamed about his staring if Kevin wasn’t so unabashedly doing the same. There was something almost clinical in his gaze, as if he were assessing Aaron rather than lusting after him. It would be a bit vexing if it weren’t such a Kevin thing to do.
“Andrew has a bit more muscle than you. It’s surprising considering the way he eats,” Kevin said. He gave a squeeze to Aaron’s waist before dropping his hand. “I think I know what to make you work on next practice.”
Aaron ignored that last comment. If Exy was a dirty talk that got Kevin going, it was decidedly not the case for him. He didn’t even see what the problem was with his muscles, but he supposed nothing would be enough for Kevin until Aaron died on the court from exhaustion.
“Did you ogle my brother ?” He asked, voice sharp. No matter what, he still felt a bit defensive towards Andrew. He understood that if Kevin liked Andrew, he might have been looking, but something about him leering at his twin without Andrew knowing made Aaron’s skin crawl.
Kevin frowned and crossed his arms. They must look ridiculous like this, half-naked and talking instead of doing something else.
“I assessed his physique from time to time. Important for athletes,” Kevin replied, tone as genuine as ever. Still.
Aaron lifted a brow, dubious.
“I’m being serious,” Kevin added rapidly. Aaron could see the heat rise to his cheeks; it was a nice color on him. “I do it with all of you guys.”
Ironically, it was so absurd that Aaron believed it. Yeah, sure, that was something he could see Kevin doing, looking at everyone’s muscles to see which areas needed work on and not to ogle. And maybe Kevin’s eyes had indeed lingered more on Andrew, but it didn’t give Aaron the uncomfortable feeling of his first suspicion.
“Okay.” He exhaled. “Okay, sure. Whatever. Can we get a move on, now ?”
Nicky and Matt weren’t going to stay away forever, and the idea of them finding him in this situation with Kevin was enough to make his impatience known. He also just wanted it, damn. Not his fault, okay ? All he had wanted was to experiment, and then Kevin had to be all talkative.
Thankfully, it seemed Kevin got the hint, hands finally reaching towards Aaron.
“Can you—” Kevin gave his chest a light push. “Lie down ?”
He thought about saying no, just to be difficult, and then do it anyway, because that was something he liked to do, that he knew he had done with Katelyn because they both knew what it meant, but. This wasn’t Katelyn, and Kevin was imagining this was Andrew, and if Aaron played hard to get, Kevin might bristle and put a stop to everything. They could talk this out later, but for now…
He lay down, letting his head fall on his pillow. Kevin was on top of him, and what a view. Something Aaron could bet some fans would be jealous of; too bad for them, Kevin was hung up on a taken man. There was something undeniably vulnerable about the position. Aaron had had girls on top of him before, but it was a different feeling altogether.
And then, Kevin’s lips were on his again, and then they weren’t, sucking into Aaron’s neck. Fuck, okay.
“Don’t leave marks,” he breathed, trying his best to bite back the embarrassing noises threatening to leave his throat. No need to stroke Kevin’s already inflated ego.
Kevin made a small nod, head lowering until it reached Aaron’s clavicle, trailing soft kisses along the way. One of his hands reached up, fingers grazing against Aaron’s nipple.
Ah. He supposed that was a thing for men, too. Before he could even let the thought simmer in, Kevin had already stopped, hand jerking upright as if it had been burned.
“Have you and Katelyn ever...?” Kevin asked, and then his lips weren’t on Aaron anymore, and goddammit.
Aaron rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, and then she pegged me into the mattress,” he deadpanned. Questions, questions, did Kevin ever stop asking them ? Was he good at anything else in bed ?
Kevin’s eyes widened, and Aaron sighed.
“We haven’t done anything outside traditional heterosexual sex,” he explained, in case Kevin hadn’t caught on to the fact that he hadn’t been serious. More honestly, Katelyn had let him know she was up for different things, and Aaron had been too prideful to ever take on the offer. “Do you want me to make a powerpoint of all the positions we tried, or what ? Just touch me, already,” he pressed, a bit more angrily.
What was he going to say ? That he had felt too insecure in his sexuality to dare ask Katelyn for anything out of the ordinary ? Kevin had probably already guessed that much anyway. The whole point of this was to try new things. Whether he liked it or not was up for debate, but it would be quicker decided if Kevin wasn’t so damn apprehensive about everything.
He grabbed Kevin’s wrist, pulling his hand back on his chest.
“I’ll tell if I don’t like it. But I won’t know unless we try.”
“Promise me you’ll tell me if it’s too much,” Kevin softly said.
A bit weird, maybe, but perhaps Kevin was just softer during sex. That, or the added layers of wariness were caused by imagining this wasn’t Aaron, whom Kevin had little respect for, but Andrew, someone whose raw talent made Kevin crave. Someone he would want to be more careful with in those instances, because, because—
Bad thoughts. This was supposed to be a pleasurable moment.
“I will,” he replied.
It was still an indulgence he allowed.
Nipple stimulation, Aaron found out, didn’t do much for him. Better with Kevin’s mouth than his fingers, which was duly noted, but either way, he didn’t really understand how people fawned over it. Katelyn hadn’t been particularly sensitive to it either, and Aaron hadn’t really tried it out with other women he had been with.
He knew that it could be built-up, that the sensation could feel better over time, but he wasn’t sure it was worth trying without natural sensivity. He wasn’t completely against the idea, so it went into a drawer in the back of his mind, for the moment.
“So ?” Kevin asked, raising his head.
“You’re either not really good at it, or I’m not really prone to it,” he truthfully replied. No point in lying about it.
Andrew would be honest, too.
Kevin frowned. “When I was with someone more sensitive to it, I’ve only heard great reviews. But I get it. Not really my thing either.”
And who could that sensitive someone be, uh ? Thea ? Or someone else ? But Aaron wasn’t going to ask, not right now. And Kevin’s ex-partner’s sexual preferences were none of his business anyway.
“Really ? Thought you’d be into it,” he teased. Frankly, he hadn’t thought about it before, but he wouldn’t have been surprised if it happened to be the case.
Kevin’s hand gripped the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Well, maybe Kevin didn’t appreciate the teasing, but Aaron certainly appreciated the results. This was definitely more than fine, becoming the kind of familiar Aaron could scarily get attached to.
He could almost forget the reasons why Kevin was doing it, as long as he focused on the reasons he was doing this. Maybe continuing an experiment he was pretty sure was already successful didn’t have much use, but, hey. Can’t blame a man for having some fun.