Archive of Our Own

Jane😩💦🍆

I have read interesting books about us today moya tachka

??

Like a biography on us? I didn’t hear about any new ones coming out.

Were you interviewed for something?

not biography

is … fiction. probably. maybe. I do not know the science so good, so is maybe possible

...

Okay, well that’s nice. Maybe I’ll read it after you’re done.

yes. is good idea. we can learn many things from these books

lots of things to try

🤨🤨

Cens & Their Keeper Harris

Harris
Alright Ilya, if you won’t answer my calls and texts then you get to be publicly shamed in here
Everybody point and boo
Bood
Boo! Boooo!
Young
🍅🍅🍅
LaPointe
BOOOOO
Why are we booing?
Wyatt
I think for public shaming to work, Roz would have to be familiar with the concept of shame
Shane
Ilya why aren’t you answering Harris’s calls?
tattletale
Shane
Who taught you that phrase?
Harris
I tattle because I care
And what I care about is you not telling the world that you’re going to impregnate Shane
Bood
wtf
Wyatt
I take a single day off from social media and this is what happens???
Ilya you’re only allowed to go feral when I’m around to point and laugh at it
Luca
eww Harris don’t say that! Those are our dads😨
cover eyes Luca, talks will be rated R
Shane
Can I cover my eyes too?
no you are needed for baby making to work
eye contact is better
Harris
There is no baby making Ilya!
At least not on the (public!) internet
Shane
There's going to be no baby making on the public internet or anywhere else due to the whole "both being men" thing.
😭why will you not make me papa
Troy
Where the hell did this even come from?
I read some lovely stories
Shane and me had many babies in them
and now we must fulfill our true purpose
having litter of babies so I can be #girldad
Shane
#girldad?
yes
We are already girl dad because anya is our perfect daughter
So we will have more perfect daughters when you become pregnant with my many babies
Wyatt
I feel like you two would be boy dads if anything
I mean you have whatever forced adoption shit is going on with Haasy already
Is not forced, he is my son and he wants to be
Luca
I don’t think you ever asked me actually
Shhh you are tired go take nap
Shane
Do I not get a say in whether we’re girl or boy dads in this made up scenario?
of course you get say, moy volk
in fact
we will have many babies
get to be #girldad and #boydad
Troy
If he wasn’t talking about knocking Shane up, that would almost be a sweet sentiment
will have to time the pregnancies
so to not interfere with hockey season
I will get you pregnant now
this way you have baby before start of season
Troy
Less sweet now
Shane
I think you’re already too late in the year Ilya.
We’d need to conceive before February to beat the start of preseason.
Harris
I’m begging you not to feed into this Shane
Shane
I’m just saying.
Even in this made up world, I’m not about to miss preseason for labour.
don’t worry, you will have baby right on schedule
baby is half you, so she will not be late
Wyatt
But you can’t get pregnant too early in the year though, then you run the risk of Shane being ready to pop during the playoffs
Harris
WYATT
Luca
would they even let him play while pregnant?
Isn’t that like… a hazard?
Shane
I think they’d have to let me, right?
Probably illegal not to.
yes, omega discriminating is very common in the lovely stories about our many babies
but we will not let this happen
Bood
But it could be considered a medical condition that takes Shane out of the season though
Like a broken bone or something
excellent points
then we will have to hide pregnant stomach behind giant fern or laundry basket during games so nobody can see
Troy
Yeah, a fern on the ice wouldn’t be suspicious or anything
very true
Shane will then just wear extra large jersey to hide stomach
Harris, you should be ordering new jerseys now for maternity clothes
Harris
Do you think I’m also somehow the guy in charge of ordering equipment
You know I’m not the only employee on the Centaurs right?
yes but you are only one we will trust with pregnancy secret
Bood
Not exactly great secret keeping to have been blabbing online about it all day
Wyatt
As if Ilya could ever keep quiet about getting Shane knocked up. He’d have instagram live open the moment that second line appears on the pregnancy test
I will have you all know I kept pretty big secret for the better part of a decade
Wyatt
… Fair enough
but
We have also watched you actively tweet conversations we’re having while they’re still currently happening
Troy
You’ve also made up for lost sharing time in spades. We could do with a little more secret keeping around here
Bood
I’m still haunted by the Christmas newsletter where he described in agonizing detail exactly how Shane looks in his holiday boxer shorts
Young
I’m just hoping he doesn’t livestream the actual birth
Harris
Okay! Everyone who feeds into this insane train of thought is getting signed up to do that interview show where they make you cry while eating spicy chicken wings
yum
spicy foods cause labor

Jane😩💦🍆

Okay I caved

I read one of the stories you sent me

👀👀

and?

And it’s not biologically possible.

And I’m confused about how the actual birth physically happens.

And I don’t know what a knot is and I don’t want that in my search history.

And I think we would have beautiful babies.

WE WOULD YES

do not worry moy lyubov

we will try until it becomes possible

I have heard science is working on solution as we speak