Chapter Text
I woke up at seven am the next morning. Falling asleep was rough. It was too hard, thinking of the girl sleeping right next door to me. I wondered if she slept or if she was thinking of what happened earlier. If she was thinking about me.
My eyes are trying to adapt to the sun, and I try to get back to sleep, but unfortunately I was wide awake.
I sigh getting up from my bed, I should go pick some berries. Dani and I used to love doing this with the freshness of the morning driving our little bikes into the plains. Then we discovered alcohol, and this tradition was gone. I can’t even begin to remember a morning we woke up earlier than 10 am now. But I needed to clear my head today.
So after brushing my teeth and getting dressed, I decide to step outside to go get my bike.
When i'm carefully closing the door feeling the chills of the morning breeze on my arms i catch a sigh of a familiar silhouette.
« she's not home yet » Manon turns around with a flinch noticing me. She stares at me for a second, one too much but I don't dare to say anything about it. Instead I clarify.
“Daniela, she’s still at Jake’s house, pretty rough night.”
“oh um, I wasn't..yea, I assumed she wouldn't be here—right”. As she's saying that she starts walking away but I stop her.
“wait” I stop to think for a second. That might be nothing. We both know it's something. I don’t know if we can speak of last night, the memory of the alcohol and her strawberry lipgloss still on my mind. She was probably too drunk to remember it so it wouldn’t matter to remind her of it. The closet was just teasing. It was it’s own thing. What happened in her room…Well, we were just drunk. Nothing more. But we could still pretend to get along even after that. It didn’t mean anything. But maybe, just maybe, she knew that Dani wasn’t home yet, that it was just me making the noises outside. Maybe she saw me from her window upstairs and decided to come.
“i was about to go pick up some berries and then ride to the coast.” I stop but it's too late to back down now. No matter how much my throat is burning.
“ Do you want to come? I mean you already came all the way”. I try to justify myself. She look at me taken by surprise and I tell myself what a stupid idea it was to do that in the first place, but as i'm about to tell her to drop it, leaving the spot of exposure I just had to come back to this icing mean behavior I have just for her. But then she says.
“sure, but I don't have a bike” she points at the one in my hands.
“oh well, you can ride with me, or take Dani's i'm sure she doesn't care.”
She smiles at me, going into the little garage to grab Dani’s bright pink bike.
« Wow it’s—um—special. » She says inspecting the bike in her hand.
« Yeah Dani’s third grade obsession with pink was really something else. » I laugh at her as she begin to sit on it looking totally out of place on the ugly bike.
We ride out of the street without saying much.
The morning is still quiet, the kind of quiet that feels almost untouched.But the silence is being filled with my thought of last night screaming in my head. The air is cold enough to wake me up properly, brushing against my face as we pick up speed.
She’s riding slightly behind at first, like she’s trying to give me space. And I have the decency to not comment on it.
« This road sucks » she exclaims.
« Maybe you’re just bad at riding. » I tell her.
« It’s this stupid bike. »
« I’ll make sure to tell Daniela that you said that » I answer, but deep down I know that I won’t tell her. Because I don’t want Daniela to know that Manon and I decided to hang out this morning. Because I don’t want her to make a big deal out of it. It’s not.
We stop near a small field not too far from the coast. There are wild berries growing along the edges, scattered between patches of tall grass.
We start to get down on our knees, picking up as much berries as we can, moving around sometimes bumping into each other without really apologizing. After what feels like an hour in the sun we sit
on grass showing each other our picks.
« Let’s try them. » I tell her.
« These better not be poisonous. » she says picking one from my hand.
« Guess we’ll find out. » I just answer knowing well that they’re not.
« You first » She says.
« Both at the same time ? » I suggest.
She stares at me before rolling her eyes.
« Alright. » She inspects the berry like it personally offended her before eating it with me.
« And the capitol now has two winners ! » I joke. She squint her eyes.
« ..ok.not bad. » She licks her lips and I try not to stare.
« What a relief. »
We eat a few more berries just chatting. Manon leans back on her hands looking at the sky. I didn’t know if we could speak about what happened. Maybe taking about it would make it something that it’s not. And I wouldn’t be the first to talk. So I just decide to try something else.
« How’s the hungover ? » I ask carefully not looking at her.
« I’m just a little tired. Didn’t get that much sleep last night. » she answers.
So she was awake too. I tell myself.
« How’s yours? » she asks.
« What? Oh I didn’t drink much. »
« It’s probably hard for you to get hungover anyway. » she continues.
« What do you mean ? »
« I mean you’re a pretty heavy drunker. Or so I’ve heard. » I probably got this reputation from Daniela. And rightfully so. I used to drink a lot.
I hum lightly « Not so much anymore. »
« That’s new. You used to outdrunk half the people at those parties last year. And I’ve heard all of your drunk stories from Daniela. » She sounds surprised. As if she was waiting for me to explain.
I let out a small breath, digging my fingers into the grass.
« Yeah well, things change I guess. »
She studies me for a second like she’s trying to decide whether to push it or not.
« You got bored of it? »
I shake my head slightly.
« I mean, it’s not like you could get bored of drinking. I just got tired of not knowing what I was doing. »
« That’s kind of the point. » She says with a faint smirk. It makes me wonder if she’s referencing last night. So she didn’t know what she was doing.
I don’t answer, not wanting to think about it. « I mean..I get that. » she continues « some people get really stupid when they’re drunk. »
« some » I let out a quiet laugh « that’s generous. Are you one of them ? » I ask, trying to sound casual knowing I’m genuinely curious about her answer.
« Sometimes, yeah. » she shrugs her shoulders looking back at the view.
« What about drugs? You don’t do that either ? » she asks.
I shrug. « never really did much. Wasn’t my thing. How about you? » My body tense at the mention of drugs. I can’t hide the panic in my eyes but I’m glad she’s not looking at me right now. I can still pretend it’s fine.
« I smoked a little pot here and there, but it’s just not my thing. » She says.
I huff « didn’t really take you for a stoner. »
« I can still surprise you. » she smiles looking at me.
Our eye contact is longer than usual. I look at her and her smile drop a little. We’re sitting a little too close to each other. Way too close to each other.
And just like that, as if she had heard my thought, she clears her throat scooting a little to her left away from me.
« Anyways, I think we all do things we don’t really want to do just because we try to look cool. » She says.
« I didn’t do drug because I thought I was cool, I was drugged because someone thought it was funny to put something in my drink. » I answer way too fast. I freeze right after. Why the hell am I telling Manon that? I can’t tell anyone that and now I just tell Manon of all people? Maybe because I didn’t like her remark or because it was in the discussion.
A silence follows, she turns to look at me fully now.
« What do you mean ? »
I blink, for a moment I tell myself that I could open up to her? Because I know that she wouldn’t treat me differently. Because it wouldn’t change who I am to her. Maybe I just feel confortable enough with her. But how? Do I hate her so much that I grew found of her ?
« I—» Before I get to answer, my phone interrupts me. When I take it in my hand, Dani’s name appears.
« Oh. I should take this. » I smile answering Dani’s call.
« Can you come pick me up ? I’m hungover as fuck I feel like I’m about to throw up everywhere. » She says her voice sounding like she just woke up.
« Oh sure. I’m on my way. » I let out a small breath, already pushing myself up. She hangs up.
« Dani called. » I say brushing the dirt of of my jeans. « We have to go. » I tell her avoiding her eyes for a second.
She doesn’t say anything. Just follows me to where we parked our bike.
I can still feel my heart beating in my chest, thinking about everything i almost said.