Chapter Text
"daddy is back!"
"hey, beanie, what are you--"
"jungkook?"
he felt his heartbeat pace go higher and higher with each step yoo-jung took towards the door. they weren't suppose to be home tonight. they were suppose to come back tomorrow, he should have had more time but-
"hey honey" his wife smiled, a smile that looked static, forced. maybe from how tired she was. or maybe...
"hey" jungkook never heard himself sound like this. never heard his heartbeats through his ears so loud.
"daddy you smell funny again..."
yes. yes he does.
because they weren't suppose to be home, and he needed a shower, a long one, and a moment to collect his thoughts but-
"go back to bed" it was yoo-jung saying, and jungkook really think he is frozen in time and space, not able to move or think or breath
well, shit
as he watched from the corner of his eye his son running back upstairs after wishing his father to have a good night, jungkook dared to shift his gaze into the woman in front of him
the woman who he married and had a son with, a family
his family
a woman who he had known long enough to know that she is definitely on to him.
"won't you give your wife a kiss?"
her voice sounded almost reptilian, wraps around his feet, making him unable to move,
only mere seconds before she's going to bite into him
"won't you say 'i'm glad you came back home early, honey? glad we'll get to spend the night together, my dearest?' Wont you?"
she knows. and he knows she knows. and she knows he knows she knows and he is so screwed.
but how much does she actually know?
"i--"
"who is she, jungkook?" her voice still calm, so calm that it makes him feel even more unraveled, slowly making him lose his cohesion
"you won't answer?" she asks after a few beats of silence, although in his head all he hears is noise.
noise of taehyung's voice when he chanted his name over and over again right before he reached his climax and spilled into his own stomach and mingyu's palm
the noise of skin against skin, the beautiful noise of how he fucked taehyung hard and fast and so fucking good. taehyung always takes him so good.
the noise of jungkook's second orgasm he had reached by riding mingyu like a cowgirl
his pitch broke a new record of high because kim taehyung was staring into his eyes the whole time, teasing.
taehyung always teases him so good. even now. even in his own head.
the noise of saliva, mingyu's and tae's-- making out underneath jungkook, right in his vision while his thighs tighten harder around mingyu's form, while his abs burn from how much effort it took to fuck taehyung like he deserved then fuck himself on a cock cause taehyung demanded it
rewarded him with it
he just wants to feel like this all the time. just fun and no consequences. no worried wife, no demanding taehyung
didnt like the noise of taehyung's sobs coming from mingyu's room
or the way jungkook thinks tae's heart sounded like cracking little by little every time he leaves him
didnt want any of it. and it was so much easier before, never this complicated
and some times he seriously thought of cutting it with him, telling him it doesnt work and they should go back to being strangers but they way taehyung looks in those adorable bear pants while he watches over and over again the same scene from his favorite sitcom
how he yaps to jungkook about how romantic it is, even though jungkook, as a married man himself, didn't see the appeal of fake-dating your own wife.
it's much nicer to pick up cute boys from bars in tokyo and take them home and make them yours.
yours to play with, yours to kiss and to take care of
taehyung needed a lot of caring, a lot.
he needed someone to put on his socks, and keep him warm when his a little cold and remind him how beautiful he is
yes, taehyung needed him. that's why jungkook couldn't let go.
what a great man he is, isn't he?
and yet, such a terrible husband
"i was in a meeting" he didn't even finish his sentence before her palm met the left side of his face in a ringing slap
he gulped, closing his eyes. "don't you dare lie to me, jungkook. who the hell is she?" she hissed, not rising her voice and thank god for the fact they have a son who needs his peaceful night-time sleep.
"yoo-jung" he whispered, shaking his head, "i was--"
"who is she?" she was so cold. so cold and scary and maybe if his balls were courages as they are big he would have told her
would have told her that truthfully, there is no she
there are, however, 3 men. and he fucks all of them. likes the get fucked by them too. by mingyu, a family friend, a person their son refers to as uncle
would have told her how he likes the way a cock can fill him up, make him feel so full. likes to see delicate beautiful boys underneath him
how they all make his cock twitch, make his daddy ego bigger, make him feel like himself more than anything else
but jungkook wasn't so courages, wasn't so brave
"it was a one time thing" he lied, "she's no one. i promise you, she's no one"
but taehyung is everything
in his fucking mind. on the scratches left on his back. the taste in his mouth.
and taehyung is everywhere
"why? why would you--" her voice cracked, and jungkook felt it in his heart too. "why would you do that?"
because taehyung needed him
"i didn't think, i really didn't" he sounded like a teenager who got caught stealing his parents car. apologizing because it's expected from him.
"we didn't sleep together, it was just a kiss. just one kiss and-"
"you're coming with me to paris"
"ok" he looked as she turned her back to him, breathing in slowly and he wanted to touch her, turn her around and tell her again how sorry he is but he didnt
suddenly she turned around, her eyes watery. jungkook did feel sad, sad for her and for their relationship. sad that she could never give him what he needed, and that he would be back to his dolls the moment they come back from paris
"we'll leave soobin with your parents and we-- jungkook, we have to work on our relationship"
they have to. they have a kid together and therefore they have to make this work.
and either way, jungkook never liked boys like taehyung. boys who make things complicated for him. it was easier to have two dolls who let him fuck around with them with no feelings involved
feelings always ruin everything
whatever goes on between mingyu and jeonghan, whether they are in love or in a relationship is none of his business therefore he never asks about it. he knows something is there, can see it in jeonghan's eyes, but that's not his problem
he has enough problems of his own. taehyung is a problem.
taehyung with his unnecessary need to complicate things with his silly emotions and feelings he decided he needs to have for jungkook, with his ugly fake leather pants and his beautiful petals that jungkook likes so much
but
jungkook never liked boys like taehyung.
he never ever.
only until the day that suddenly there was a taehyung in his life and how can jungkook excuse the tingle in his chest and the tingle in his crotch and the dirty thoughts about taehyung's voice screaming his own name? taehyung taehyung taehyung ("jungkook jungkook jungkook")
never until he met a boy who made him want to take care of them
it's because taehyung needed him. he felt bad for taehyung and that's probably why he cared so much. right?
"when are we going?" his lips tighten and forced into a smile, and it makes her soften again. makes her be in a way he is familiar with, can work with.
she tells him the details of the flight and he promises her again that it was a one time thing
and he promises to himself to stay away from taehyung for a while.
"come in baby"
taehyung walked into the apartment, it was warm just like him. he always felt safe with him, even though, due to their unusual situation that brought them together, reason should say he shouldn't be the one taehyung turns to in times of trouble when the trouble is jungkook
yet here he was
"do you want something to drink, baby?"
"what do you have?"
"hmm... whiskey?"
taehyung groaned and rolled his eyes, making the other giggle.
"wine?"
"yeah, wine"
"wine it is" jimin smiled at him and walked to the kitchen while taehyung let himself get comfortable on his couch.
as he sinked into the comfort, and let out a sigh. it was a fucking long evening. he should be sleeping now, should worry about his school and his finals coming up soon and should maybe look for apartments or talk to his dad but all of those responsibilities and things he should do gave him headache
while crying and talking over jungkook was much easier
"jiminnie i'm so sad"
he wishes he wouldnt make everything about himself all the time. wishes he told jimin more often how awesome he is, how great of a friend he is.
taehyung wishes he was a bit different, more mature, more considerate of others' life but he always had an issue preventing him from doing that. he always had something to worry about, always needed to talk about it with others.
he wanted to get perspective and learn something about life
because it was just too damn hard to learn on his own
"tell me what he did now" and usually taehyung wouldn't feel so icky but the 'now', what 'now' implies, made taehyung too much in his own head again
is he being annoying?
"how did you know it was about jungkook?" taehyung looked at him, feeling smaller with each passing second
when is it not
when did you ever talk about anything other than jungkook
when did you have any life outside of jungkook's
jungkook jungkook jungkook
but jimin didnt say any of the things taehyung often thoughts people would say to him. jimin was kind, a sunshine type of human and he made taehyung feel warm
"because i know jeon. and i know how much you care for him, tae. so i'm sure he did something stupid to make you feel sad... i just know it" jimin said, sipping from his glass and exhaling. "listen, i really want you to move on from him... his a good person but he--"
"but he doesn't love me"
"he doesn't. i'm sorry" a hand on his knee should have made him feel better, but it didnt. it felt like an unnecessary weight and everything already felt too heavy and taehyung didnt like to feel like people pitted him
(author note: maybe he should stop acting like a victim all the time)
"but i want him to"
"but we can't control people's feelings towards us" it was taehyung's turn to drink now. "we can't and also we shouldn't. if he doesn't love you for who you are, for how you are, why would you want his love any other way?"
"but everytime we're together..."
"i know honey, but listen, it's not about how he makes you feel in the moment. it's how he makes you feel after. how he treats you any other time besides the moment. i'm not saying he doesn't care or anything like that, really. i know he cares. as i said, i know jeon, and i know he is a good person. but he would never leave her, tae. you got to understand that"
but taehyung always thought that jungkook would. because the guys in the movies always turn, always come around, and eventually the main character (aka him), always get the prince
and he really wants jungkook to be his prince
"you're young, tae. you maybe still dont know much about this kind of things, but please please don't think you deserve this kind of love"
but taehyung didn't know love even if it came naked and knocking at his door with a huge mark on its forehead that says 'i am love'
but does it really matter? he wants him. wants jungkook. wants to call him daddy in and out of bed and let him carry him so easily and watch tv with him and cuddle and kiss and make him rescue fish for him
he wants jungkook
he really really really (really) wants it, love, to be jungkook
"but i really want jungkook"
"but tae" jimin sounded irritated, he hates me
"you can't make someone love you"
i can and i will
"and he has a family"
i can be his family, and he can be mine
"he has a wife"
but he doesnt love her either
"i know i know" he said after drinking almost the entire glass in one go. "i just... ugh" he didn't want to cry but fuck
fuck it hurts. the way it felt so good and a moment later it felt so bad. to have jungkook with him the entire evening just to see him walk out and not knowing when he'll see him again
what a terrible miserable loop. if only there was something he could do about it (wake up taehyung! leave!)
if only it could have been stopped somehow (come on taehyung, you can stop it)
(you can stop your own misery)
"listen, you know how i keep avoiding yoongi, right?"
"right. i still dont understand why. kitten is cute"
"he is" jimin smiles, "but i know its not good for. he isnt good for me-- ah! let me finish" he raises a hand just in time before taehyung cuts him off
"min yoongi is a player. a flirt. i know him long enough to know that. he can talk all he wants about liking me and wanting me and blah blah" he waves his hand as if that would make his point more valid, "but at the end of the day he'll get what he wants and then he'll leave"
"didn't he already get what he wants? i thought you fucked him"
"aish you got some mouth on you, its hard to believe you're only 20"
"i'm 21 bitch"
"poteto potato"
"continue"
"anyway... yes, i slept with him and it was great but it was also a mistake. he is obsess with proving me that we can be so much more and it gotten to a point that its just annoying, because i know he isn't serious, because he--"
"chim i know you're trying to make a point that can help me reflect better on my situation or whatever, but i dont think its the same. i think he likes you"
"he doesnt. he just likes the chase. as long as the chase continues, he'll be like this. i know guys like him. i was a guy like him"
taehyung looks at jimin with a surprised gasp, but doesnt say anything about it.
"and jeon is the same"
"and i am the chase?"
"you are. but once he gets used to you, you'll just be another roommate in this apartment with two other guys and the sooner you'll realize that its not going to lead to anything more than that-- the better"
"but i--"
he doesnt complete this sentence. because he is starting to annoy himself with how much he repeats the same thing over and over again. so much that it gotten to a point he is not so sure of his own words, his own thoughts anymore.
if its not him talking about wanting jungkook then its him talking about how jungkook did him wrong. then people tell him their opinions and its never what he wants to hear, never what he wants to do and then it happens again and again
and maybe for once he should just shut up and listen
"it's your life, baby. you'll do whatever it is you want to do. and you can always come here at 2am for wine and some sex talk, but my opinion wouldn't change. just like jeon wouldn't change his. he won't divorce her. believe me, i know"
"did you ever ask him about it?"
"of course! do you think i enjoy keeping that huge secret from his wife? which, by the way, i very much like?"
taehyung gives a pout and jimin leans in to peck it away. it's playful, doesnt mean anything and it's weird how much it doesnt feel weird. different from how mingyu kissed him. they both know it means nothing more than a friendly kiss.
"i like you too, silly. but she's his wife, you understand that? they have a kid together. what do you think would happen? even if he divorces her... he has a kid with this woman"
"so what? i can be a step dad"
"taehyung..."
"i can!"
"you're barely keeping up with your studies"
"whatever"
"it's not whatever... its a kid. sometimes you need to really think about those things you keep saying so easily. just like yoongi. keeps nagging me about being in a serious relationship when he never in his life had one. how does he know he can even do it?"
"because its you"
jimin scoffed and now it's taehyung's turn to lean in, only this time he smacks his forehead instead of kissing him
"it's you, and for you he would"
just like i hope mr jeon would do it for me
taehyung didnt reach out. thats the least he could do in this state to save some of his self esteem.
it's been 5 whole days of no contact and taehyung had better things to do. things much more important than jeon jungkook.
and yet.
yet it was annoying how easily jungkook crept into his thoughts. if it wasn't when he brushed his teeth, then it was when he ate breakfast. if it wasn't breakfast it was when he got dressed and caught his own reflection in the mirror.
if it wasn't those than it was any other moment. honestly, it was harder and harder for him to keep track of those moments since they seemed to take over his daily routine.
they attacked him late at night when he realized it's time to wash his sheets but was scared of losing jungkook's scent that still somehow lingered
he lingered everywhere, that motherfucker.
in his head and his bed and in his heart and taehyung hated him / hated what it did to him
but he had much more important things to worry about now, didn't he?
after all, tomorrow he would--
"fuck you, mingyu!"
jeonghan's voice from the other room startled him. he rarely heared jeonhan's voice reaching such highs, usually only when they all watched a horror movie and something too scary happened on screen
"fuck you!"
it snapped taehyung up from his position, curiosity and worry taking over. they had a perfect harmony in the house, the only place that felt somewhat like home for taehyung and more than losing jungkook, maybe he was scared of losing them
his family
"jeonghan--"
a door slammed but it wasn't the entrance door, so taehyung knew one of them (or both) must be in the living room. he wanted to hide under his blanket and pretend he can't hear anything, but the apartment was too small for that
"you're a fucking liar, you know that?!"
"what did i ever lie to you about?"
"you-- fuck! i'm not having this discussion here"
taehyung gulped, feeling too self aware of himself. after all, it was their apartment before he moved in. they were jungkook's dolls and he was the new addition and maybe, even though he thought his presence in the house wasn't an issue, maybe they didn't want him here after all
"he's asleep"
taehyung couldnt hear what jeonghan had to say to that, but it confirmed that him being here now is a problem
even though mingyu said he liked him, taehyung was a problem
even though jungkook wanted to keep him, taehyung was a problem
even though he thought he is jeonghan's friend, taehyung was a problem
even though his dad and him gotten along most of the time, taehyung was a problem
he didn't want to be anyone's problem anymore but it seems that no matter what he do (in this case, he has no idea what is even wrong) he is always a problem
angry, jeonghan made himself a cup of coffee and taehyung thought it's maybe too late for this and he wouldn't be able to sleep if he drinks it but it seems like this argument would take a while
which is not so good for his sleeping schedule because tomorrow he has--
"when did it happen?"
"lower your voice"
"i thought you said he was asleep"
"jeonghan--"
"don't fucking touch me. when did this happen?!" he screamed. and even if taehyung was asleep, this would definitely wake him up
taehyung never knew how to mind his own business or let things go.
and even though tomorrow he had things to do, and even though he really shouldn't put himself in the middle of those two fighting- he got up and got out of his room
"hey, is everything's ok?"
"hey, tae, yeah. just, uhm, go back to sleep, ok?" it was mingyu saying, using the soft voice he kept especially for him and never used with anyone else
it made taehyung really think about mingyu as someone he could like enough to date.
if only there wasn't a jungkook in his heart.
"jeonghan are you ok?" taehyung stepped closer to the smaller man, noticing how he is shaking from (probably) crying quietly
"hm"
yep. taehyung should mind his own business, but he never was good at that.
"do you want to go to my room? did mingyu do something to annoy you again?" trying to make a joke, and mind you, in any other circumstances it would probably go well but not this time
"tae--"
"i'm talking to him. not you. shh"
"i'm fine, you should listen to mingyu and go back to sleep"
"i wasn't asleep. you guys were too loud"
"taehyung..."
"hey! were all roommates, right? were in this together, in this whole doll thing. whatever it is, lets talk it out. maybe i can help--"
"tae, baby, please just go back to your room"
"baby? now he is baby to you?" jeonghan turned around so taehyung could finally confirm that yes, he was crying. he was an ugly cryer and it made taehyung's chest hurt seeing his friend like this
jeonghan was like jimin, in a way. always smiling and being a warm person to taehyung.
he always made peace at home. even though there wasn't much opportunities for anything but beautiful harmony between taehyung's little shows in the living room to movie nights on the couch
"did i do something wrong?" taehyung grabbed jeonghan by the wrist and pulled him in until his back was against taehyung's chest
"what did you do to him?"
"i'm fine tae. let me go"
"no, stay. come to my room and cuddle. we can watch ariana edits all night"
jeonghan exhaled, then forced himself out of taehyung's hold. "i'm going to sleep. enjoy" he said to no one in particular and left back to his room, leaving the two others and his untouched coffee behind
if taehyung didn't have to wake up early today, he would have nagged jeonghan more and more until he told him what happened
mingyu refused to. and taehyung felt left out of everything. and it's been 6 days since he heard from jungkook and taehyung felt lucky
lucky because he is pretty sure that today will change things
that this will bring him the time he needs to finally become that version of himself he knows he can be! the unbothered, not easily break down, untouchable and sassy version of himself
he needs a fucking break
and having a break from just jungkook is not enough-- he wanted a break from everything
he texted his dad one last time before he would turn off his phone and have himself a fancy drink
this
he looked around, satisfied
this is what he needs
he thanked the lady who wished him to have a good time and stepped in, carrying his bag on his shoulder
it was his first time going so far. it was exciting.
he needed a fucking break, a drink and a good pistachio croissant
he walked among the people until he could see where he was headed to
it even smelled fancy
serves him right.
everything felt wonderful, everything until it wasn't
because taehyung could never get a fucking break
"morning, darling" his agent said from the seat across from his
"mrs jeon, h-hey"
yes. taehyung considered going to paris for shoots and fittings a very nice and well deserved break
he knew he would have to spend some time with her, well duh, after all she got him this "break" to begin with
but come on
come fucking on
let the boy have some time to work on himself and become whatever he is he can be if he just had some time apart from the thing that keeps pulling down, keeps his eternal loop of self pitty
can't he get a fucking break?
"good morning mr jeon"