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Language:
English
Series:
Part 8 of Dispatch Fics
Stats:
Published:
2026-02-01
Updated:
2026-04-08
Words:
43,377
Chapters:
54/?
Comments:
106
Kudos:
202
Bookmarks:
40
Hits:
7,308

Hate the Way You Love Me and Love the Way You Hate Me

Summary:

But friends didn't take away any of the pain that sat heavy in his chest, a different kind than any physical injury could inflict. So he kept going, kept steaming ahead, with all his usual work. He didn't pick up extra shifts, because he would have been yelled at, but he did go down to the tech lab and work on his suit. Some things had needed repairs. And he wanted to upgrade other things. Kept him busy. Kept him out of his head. That and Beef.

Robert kept his head down, focused on one foot in front of the other. Why? Because if he didn't, he'd fall apart. At least, someone started to pick up his wayward pieces on the way.

Notes:

PLEASE READ THIS! THIS EXPLAINS THE CHAPTER STRUCTURE!

Firstly, structure. I wrote this without chapter breaks, so the chapters are roughly one day/chapter. There might be a day split into 2 chapters, or two days in 1 chapter. It's a little wonky.

I also have a bit of an odd format with my text. A quick guide (which will also be posted as an A/N at the beginning of each chapter):

"regular speech"
"calling, not in-person speech"
"thoughts"
"ignored thoughts"
"foreign language" (translated to grammatically correct English)
'text'
'quote'
emphasis

Lastly, that dead dove tag is due to the repeated nature of the passive suicidal thoughts and other sensitive topics.

 

Now, this is just me rambling, so feel free to skip!

So, i've decided to make a large author note instead of putting things in the tags. because i am really bad at that, and with the actual tags i need to put, i didn't want a giant literal page of tags :sob:. i have so many little tidbits i wanted to add, but didn't for the sake of the tags.
like forgetting to tag chad as an asshole. he is, but he's also fucking smitten and gay. all my commentary about the song (put in a whole paragraph on its own lmao). my very correct opinion on robert being half korean (it was gonna be canon so it's canon in my heart!). and how this isn't really enemies to friends to lovers, that shit was pre fic, the enemy part. also also, i tag robert as bi, but he's pan in the fic, just wanted to point that out. semantics lmao

Please listen to drop of water. if you want to know what was going through my head when i started writing this, listen to it. i genuinely love that indie song so much. 'I'm a useless human being' as a first line fucking goes hard. i actually have the song linked here

and a playlist for the fic linked here! yes it is youtube because i got that premium shit

Next, i know everyone has their own definition of slow burn, which is why i tagged slow and medium burn, i was originally expecting a smooch at 20k and sob that i can't write slow burn, but at 20k, robert fucked up, so we did not get a smooch at 20k. i also never wrote something this large like ever ignore my other giant fics, i didn't finish those. also i am working through this monster slowly (at 53k at time of first posting, and clearly not done)

Lastly, i tagged as i was remembering tags, but tried to lump similar tags together, but i'm sure i messed up somewhere. forgive me (may also have more tags to be added, but idk)

-kdn

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: 17 Sept 2024

Chapter Text

The whole living thing was such a pain. Truly. It was. No one asked to be born, but everyone was stuck with the choice of their parents. They had to suck it up and be a person, try to function in society, and live their life the best they could, no matter their choices. Like the choice to join the SDN. While, yes, Robert did have a choice in it, he didn't really. There was nothing he could really do if he didn't join. So, yes, he could have said no, but he'd probably never be Mecha Man again.

He got to be himself again by joining. He even gained a gaggle of misfits that liked him. For some reason. Maybe because he saw the good in them that was sorely lacking in himself. Well, maybe he was good, but he couldn't see it like he could in the rest of them. He knew exactly how they could grow and become great heroes. And he set them to work. And they did good. For the most part. And after Shroud, they were doing even better. Probably because Coupe was back on the team.

But friends didn't take away any of the pain that sat heavy in his chest, a different kind than any physical injury could inflict. So he kept going, kept steaming ahead, with all his usual work. He didn't pick up extra shifts, because he would have been yelled at, but he did go down to the tech lab and work on his suit. Some things had needed repairs. And he wanted to upgrade other things. Kept him busy. Kept him out of his head. That and Beef.

When that stopped working, he shifted his focus to something new.