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Akutagawa Ryuunosuke the only one who understands Nakajima Atsushi. The only person in the whole world who sees him for who he is, and loves him in his entirety.
At least that's the story he told himself. And the story he told his patient.
Atsushi had come into his life rather suddenly. Working for an at-home nursing facility for disabled individuals, Akutagawa was used to being assigned to different cases and working in special needs homes long term.
So when he was assigned to the case of a grown semi-verbal autistic man who was living on his own, it wasn't too unusual.
He knew the goal- encourage independence, but also make sure that nothing vital was overlooked.
He expected that his days would be full of medication reminders, routine planning, and assisting with tasks like grocery shopping or cooking. The patient was described to him as mostly cooperative, quiet, and very sensory motivated. By all means he expected a simple, routine case.
What he didn't expect was the fact that he would instantly be so taken by the beauty of his new charge.
Akutagawa hadn’t expected how deeply Atsushi would affect him. The moment they met, something in him caught hold and refused to let go.
Atsushi's white hair was soft and perpetually messy, laying over his eyes no matter how many times he pushed it back. When, and if, his eyes met his caregiver's it was only brief. Just long enough for the man to be taken back by the depth behind them. Far too intimate to prolong.
His body, while adult, was cherubic. Soft features, movements that existed free of outside interpretation, a smile that was warmer than sunlight.
And his voice.. oh his voice.
It was a rarity to hear in the beginning. But it never ceased to pierce through Akutagawa like a blade.
Angelic.
Angelic was the word he'd choose.
Pure and sweet and innocent, existing somewhere between man and divinity.
That's what Atsushi was. A beauty too precious to be understood by the world.
Something to be kept, guarded, hoarded away from outside corruption.
That's how he felt. Enamored by the man he was supposed to have a reasonable clinical detachment towards.
During their first meeting, Atsushi didn't speak much at all.
His eyes never ventured to meet the stranger's. He appeared nervous and withdrawn.
He sat where he was told to, hands moving constantly in self stimulating motions- tapping over his collar bones and gently clapping.
He matched the description in his chart. Fidgety but shy.
They communicated using an AAC board, letting Atsushi tap buttons on a screen to answer simple questions.
"Hi Atsushi. My name is Akutagawa. You can call me Ryuunosuke, or Ryuu if that's too long."
"HELLO" the robotic voice read out
"Its so nice to meet you. Your home is nice and comfy"
"YOU NURSE"
"That's right! Im your new nurse. Im here to help you."
Atsushi looked around, swallowed like he was trying to do something complex, then tapped the screen
"YOU NOSE K"
It took a moment to decode, but when he figured it out he laughed.
"Very close!! It's Ryuunosuke! Ill add it to your board so you can say my name."
He took the device, tapped in his name, and saved it so it would be easily accessed again. Only moments after he did he was met with
"RYUUNOSUKE RYUUNOSUKE RYUUNOSUKE RYUUNOSUKE RYUUNOSUKE"
In the same robotic tone.
He couldn't help but grin. Attention from Atsushi felt.. different. More meaningful than he had expected it to feel.
"I'm glad you like it. That's my name. Can you tell me your name? I know you know how to say it.." he cooed in encouragement
Atsushi looked around again and then shook his head. Too shy.
"Cmon, try for me? It's Atsushi. Ah- tsu- shi."
His hands resumed tapping over his shoulders and collar bones, but with some hesitation he finally whispered
"Atsushi.."
"Great job! Very great job! Oh you have such a lovely voice! You should talk more often" the nurse beamed.
The thought took root faster than Akutagawa expected. He was absolutely smitten with the boy. He wanted to encourage his growth.. and somewhere deep down he wanted to prove to himself that Atsushi was much more capable than even he thought.
What if he could get Atsushi to speak more? Not just occasionally, but with relative consistency? What if there was something in him no one else had ever seen before? Something he could access to, something that could belong only to him. The idea made his head swim with equal parts professional curiosity and something...less morally sound. Slowly, over time, the notion settled that this was more than a clinical relationship. It had to be. and, in time, Atsushi would come to understand that too.
Over the following days, Atsushi began to warm to the familiar presence. Anyone else might have recognized it for what it was- a natural response to routine and growing familiarity. Akutagawa did not.
To him, it was evidence. Evidence he had desperately begun to seek out.
Proof that something about him was a positive force for Atsushi. That the connection forming between them wasn’t incidental, but fated.
To him, Atsushi wasn’t speaking more because he felt more comfortable.
No- he was speaking more because he wanted to please *him.*
He didn't nervous stim as often now because he wanted to impress *him.*
He had fewer episodes of unwanted behavior in order to stand out to *him.*
Even during his time off, Ryuunosuke found himself thinking constantly about Atsushi. He couldn't shake these growing feelings. He wasn't working when he was with him- he was where he belonged.
~~
Once the first few weeks had passed Atsushi fully began to relax in the presence of his new caregiver. Until that point he had communicated mostly via an AAC board with limited use of words.
But on this day.. something changed.
Atsushi sat looking out the window while Akutagawa made notes in his chart.
Things had been quiet and still for hours.. until Atsushi spoke.
"Yesterday I saw a spider. I saw a spider yesterday."
Akutagawa almost dropped his pen. His mouth was open as he looked up at his charge. He was afraid to speak, afraid to move, afraid that any sudden change might make the moment vanish into thin air.
Atsushi continued.
"Argiope aurantia. Garden spider."
"W..what?"
"Big spider. Catches bugs."
Akutagawa swallowed roughly. He was speaking. He was really speaking. It wasn't rehearsed, it wasnt even prompted. He thought he might have been witnessing a miracle. He didn't just have base level knowledge about a bug he saw-- he had intimate knowledge in the subject that surpassed that of the everyday person. In his mind, Atsushi could be a *savant*.
"You know the scientific name for that spider... do you know.. other bugs names?"
"Yes! Yes! Latrodectus mactans. Theraphosa blondi. Nephila clavipes. Aphonopelma chalcodes"
Ryuunosuke felt his heart skip.
"Atsushi .. what are those?"
"Spider!!"
The man beamed as if this were entirely natural for him. As if he had been more capable of speech and understanding than anyone had given him credit for... even if only limited to a niche subject matter.
Ryuunosuke should have reasoned that autistic individuals like Atsushi are often hyper fixated on certain niche topics and can possess a lot of knowledge limited to their interests. He should have seen that his ability and willingness to communicate about anything outside of his interests was severely delayed.
But he didn't want to acknowledge this fact. It was more meaningful for it to be a miracle- something Atsushi suddenly unlocked when in his presence. Something special between them that no one else got to witness. A special relationship between them.
Something he could own outright.
The next day Akutagawa brought in a large book of spiders to give to him.
Atsushi was clearly very ecstatic about it. Large clear images of the 8 legged insects he so loved filled the pages- descriptions of webs, venoms, prey.
Atsushi paced and jumped, tapping over his shoulders as he was overwhelmed with excitement.
Akutagawa, eager to capture the 'miracle' again, prompted him.
"What's this spider called, Atsushi? Can you tell me what this one is?"
But the prompting yielded no verbal response. His happy stimming replacing any words.
"Hmm.. what about this one? It's a tarantula! What do you know any tarantulas?"
Still Atsushi didn't respond verbally. His stimming becoming more agitated as the questions continued.
He was happy.. but his body couldn't separate overwhelm of excitement from frustration or discomfort. It all read in his body as 'too much'.
The happy stimming began to turn more concerning. Akutagawa could see that. He had picked up on Atsushi's body language with time. His body moved more erratically. His sounds becoming more forced, more agitated.
"Hey.." Akutagawa hummed. "If we're getting too upset then we need to put the book away.."
That was the final straw for the overwhelmed man. His hands balled into fists and turned inwards, beginning to hit himself.
Akutagawa shot up immediately.
"No! No sir!" He scolded.
"Quiet hands, hands are not for hitting, Atsushi!"
But by now his scolding was only adding fuel to the fire. Atsushi moved to start biting into his arms before Akutagawa grabbed and restrained him.
Now, struggling against the strength of his caregiver, he cried out.
There was some relief in being held back from hitting or biting himself, but it came in the form of pressure against his body. Thinking on his feet, Akutagawa did his best to guide Atsushi to his bed, lay him down, and lay himself on top of him.
This seemed to be a lot more effective.
At first the man struggled and cried beneath him, pushing and babbling nonsense vocal stims.
But once the deep pressure of another man's weight on top of him started to sink in, he began to calm.
It felt good to him.. like a weighted blanket. It felt like,for once, he could feel his body in space. Grounded. Secure.
His soft relaxed sounds were not lost on Ryuunosuke.. nor was the position he found himself in.
Laying face down on his patient, holding him down, listening to his soft relaxed sighs into his ear..
Something seemed to click into place in his mind.
Atsushi didn't always understand verbal language. Not the same that he or others did. No... he understood a different language entirely. A language of the body.
There was no comfort in platitudes or reassurances that reached him as deeply as pressure, restraint, warmth, or repetition did. It was a reality of their relationship. A difference but one that could be accounted for.
And that's when Akutagawa began to notice something else.
Laying on top of the Atsushi had given the autistic adult another reaction.. the reaction of any adult man to proximity, to the feeling of another body pressed so intimately close to his own-- even to the cocktail of frustration, adrenaline, and heightened emotions that coursed through him.
the stirrings of an erection.
Again it should have been clear to the professional that this wasn't a sexual advance- only a bodily response to the situation. Something outside of his control.
But to Ryuunosuke..it was a confession. Proof of requited interest.
And it made Akutagawa desperately aroused.
At first he didn't touch Atsushi inappropriately. It would be too far, he thought. A clear violation of ethics and boundaries.
But his mind.. his mind worked to dismantle every hurdle between them.
After all...
Atsushi was an adult. He had adult needs just like everyone else, didn't he?
Did he even know how to pleasure himself?
Had he ever been informed about his body? About sex? About love?
Was it truly right for him to be left in the dark about something so personal?
And didn't Akutagawa, as his caretaker, have a responsibility to his patient?
His mind swam with these ideas. Each pushing him further towards the conclusion he had always wanted to reach since he met the man.. that this was ok..
No... that this was inevitable.
"Atsushi.." His voice was low as he kept the man pinned beneath his weight, hips touching.
"You like when I lay on top of you.. don't you?"
The man didn't respond verbally. His answer came in the fact that he wasnt fighting anymore. That was enough.
"Your body is telling me that you like it" Akutagawa continued.
"Did you know that your body.... has ways of saying what it likes?"
For a moment Atsushi's eyes met Akutagawa's. So sweet and pure and innocent. It made Ryuunosuke's heart skip a beat. It wasn't language.. it felt deeper than language. The old (albeit ableist) adage that he was just a 'normal' person trapped inside someone who communicated differently. It wasn't true. It wasnt able to be proven. But he needed it to be fact. He needed it to explain away all these feelings he had for Atsushi. He needed to make this attraction moral.
Akutagawa swallowed.
"Right now.. your penis is pressing up against mine.. in your trousers.. have you ever.. touched your penis before, Atsushi?"
Still no response. He didn't expect one. He didn't need one.
He adjusted a little, letting his hand slowly slide down Atsushi's frame and to the crotch of his pants. There he gently began to squeeze, to feel the outline of him.
He assured himself it was ok. This was a favor. A lesson. An act of devotion. It couldn't be wrong.
Atsushi grunted at the sensation. A sound Akutagawa took to mean that it was pleasant- regardless of whatever it truly meant. He kept going.
"This part of you gets hard when you feel good. It gets nice and tingly and warm. And when that happens.."
He began to unbutton the man's pants
"There's a few things we can do to help it feel better.."
His fingers slipped in past the fabric of his pants and into his underwear. Skin met warm sensitive skin. Atsushi's cock twitched into his hand, already responding to attention.
"Perfect job Atsushi " the caregiver praised.
"Just let me help, ok? I'm going to teach you what to do.. but if you can't do it yourself, you can always come to me for help. I'll always help you, Atsushi"
His hand began to pull back the sensitive skin. Atsushi was untouched. A Virgin. Sensitive beyond even Akutagawa's expectations. Within just a few gentle pumps he was already squirming and groaning beneath him..
His hand moved down and back up again, perhaps only 5 or 6 times in total before Atsushi began to cum. His moans were heavenly. Uninhibited. Unquestioned. Pure sounds of pleasure. Of relief.
He coated Akutagawa's hand in copious amounts of release. He throbbed so hard and for so long that Akutagawa thought it might never end.
His eagerness, his inability to hold back for even a matter of minutes.. it shot straight to Ryuunosuke's groin. It was dirty, needy, pure inexperience and innocence coming undone in his hand so quickly.
And when he looked into Atsushi's eyes he could see his confusion. He didn't know rusty just happened to him. It was new, overwhelming, but it felt like release. He didn't have the words for what he had just experienced- no. Everything now was left to Ryuunosuke's interpreting. He was, after all, supposed to be the one who knew best.
"Look at you.." Ryuunosuke hummed breathily. "Do you see what happened?.. your cute little penis told me that you love me.."
He grinned. "This white stuff.. that's your love, Atsushi.. look how much of your love you just gave me".
The explanation felt sick leaving his mouth. But he reasoned away that it was the only explanation that Atsushi would understand. Going into details about the reproductive system and puberty would only confuse him more. It was better this way.
Better for him to know that this meant that he loved his caretaker.. that what his caretaker did for him was something right, not to be questioned.
Akutagawa carefully cleaned him up and helped tuck him away again into his pants.
He knew, somewhere deep down, it should be wrong. It shouldn't have happened. But he had never seen something so erotic in all of his life.
His sweet cherubic Atsushi discovering the heights of pleasure in his hand- pleasure he could barely process or understand. It was too much.
After making sure Atsushi was relaxed and tucked into bed (easy to do in his post orgasm afterglow) he had to sneak away to get himself off to the memory of it.
The way their eyes had met.. the way his voice sounded when he was high on that feeling of ecstasy.
That had to have been his first time..
In the bathroom of the house Akutagawa rubbed his own erection feverishly. Needier than ever. Like a horny teenager all over again.
He just did the unthinkable.. and he already wanted more.
He worked quickly to get himself off.. he couldn't slack on the job.. but he worried what he might just do if he didn't cum before seeing Atsushi again.
No. He had to have control. Masturbating now wasnt a want but a need.
The memory of his sounds sent him over the edge nearly as quickly as Atsushi had cum. Hot release shooting in ropes to the thought of everything he wanted to do to Atsushi. Everything he wanted to teach him. All of the pleasure they could give each other if left unsupervised long enough.
Now- with clarity returning to his mind- he began to plot out where they would go from here.
~~
Work was an entirely new experience for Akutagawa now.
His sweet patient, once so quiet and reserved, now acted.. differently around him.
Akutagawa called it puppy love.
But clinical behaviorists might better describe it as "sudden onset of inappropriate touching behaviors".
Atsushi would regularly go from his daily routines and interests, to showing an interest in his body, or his caregiver's. Particularly between the legs.
It happened first when after lunch Atsushi got up from his spot, meandered over to where Akutagawa was charting, and began to touch his groin.
The caretaker's eyes widened in surprise. Was this his way of saying that he wanted to please his nurse in return? Was he trying to ask questions about his body? Was he thinking about their prior encounter?
But almost as quickly as it had started, it fizzled out, and Atsushi returned to his spot.
He took it as a fluke at first. But it would start to happen again .. and again..
Once while flipping through his new book of spiders, Akutagawa caught him pressing his hands exploratively down his own pants. He rubbed a moment- his nurse watching with bated breath- and then stopped. Interest flitting away as soon as it had landed, like a butterfly on the wing.
Another time he found Atsushi's trying to reach into his scrub pants- before instinctively he stopped him. He scolded gently, something about how those parts were private.
But the trend was already set in motion.
He was curious.. or else he was acting out what he had learned.
And Akutagawa reasoned that this meant he was responsible for continuing what he had started.
He had to teach Atsushi what sex was.
Not because he was enamored with the man- no no. This was a selfless act of love. Of his devotion. Necessary to their dynamic.
He guided Atsushi back to his bedroom, himself already half hard with the knowledge of what he was about to do.
"You've been really interested in your body lately, haven't you, darling?"
He cooed.
Atsushi looked around the room, eyes flitting from one spot to another as his attention naturally moved to and fro.
This didn't slow Akutagawa down. He pressed on.
"I think you're really beautiful.. you know.." he admitted quietly.
"And when two people are really attracted to each other.. our bodies naturally want to be close. Really really close."
Atsushi gave him a smile. Maybe it was because he wasn't sure what else Akutagawa wanted him to do- but the nurse took it as a sign of approval.
"Good boy.. fuck.. you know exactly how much I want you.. don't you.."
His hands began to move over Atsushi's body. Taking in every inch of his frame as though he were touching something fragile. Something holy.
"I'm gonna show you something, Atsushi.. do you want to see my cock?"
Now Atsushi looked at him with a puzzled expression. Perhaps somewhat understanding the question, but not in its entirety.
Akutagawa moved regardless. He pulled down his scrub pants and underwear and freed himself from the confines of the fabric. His erection sprang out, hot and thick.
Atsushi looked. He watched. God, Ryuunosuke swore he could feel Atsushi's eyes as he watched. It made him even hotter. Sitting together on the bed he guided Atsushi to reach out and touch the throbbing members. Atsushi didn't struggle.
"That's it. Fuck. That's it" Akutagawa groaned. Even the slightest sensation of Atsushi’s tentative touch felt electric. Fingers mapping over skin, touching, tapping, pressing.
Atsushi moved in closer- so close at times that Akutagawa swore his tongue was about to dart out for a taste of his skin. At times feeling hot breath ghosting over him.
He did his best to focus. This was about teaching. About explaining. It couldn't be for his own pleasure, no matter how good it felt. It had to be for Atsushi. Everything- all of him- was for Atsushi.
"It feels sooo good when you touch me there.." Akutagawa groaned, His own hands beginning to get bolder on Atsushi's body.
He helped the man out of his pants and began to rub over him as well. Atsushi was soft this time. Somewhat small in size, but perfect. Uncut. Untouched. Sensitive even to gusts of wind. It took no effort to get his charge aroused. Squeezing him gently in his palm, stroking, pulling back the skin of the head and rubbing his thumb over the slit. He seemed to know Atsushi's body better than even he did. He knew what to do to get him hard. It undoubtedly helped that it would seem that atsushi didn't know how to masturbate himself.. so all of the attention that Akutagawa gave was all of the sustained attention that his cock ever received.
"Look at that.. your penis is starting to stand up for me. That means you really like me.. that you really want me to keep touching you."
From the outside one wouldn't instantly come to this conclusion given the way Atsushi responded to touch. At times he whined, twisted, even moved away from touch. Ryuunosuke always reasoned that it was his poor motor skills- he couldn't always control his body, he only responded this way because the feeling was strong and overwhelming to him.
His cooes of reassurance served to tell himself that Atsushi liked this as much as it was to tell Atsushi.
"Do you want to try.. putting your mouth on it, sweetheart?" He hummed.
"That's ok to do.. in fact.. if you're brave and try for me.. I'll get you a new toy from the store. How does that sound?"
"Toy?" Atsushi's eyes lit up.
"Toy! That's right.. try putting Ryuu's penis in your mouth and Ryuu will get you a new toy. Any one you want."
Atsushi hesitates a minute and then comes in closer, letting Akutagawa guide his head downward towards his erection. He gives a few grunts of protest before finally rubbing his lips over the tip- and then putting it inside his mouth.
Akutagawa thought he might just cum right then and there. He was so hot and warm and tight. His mouth was heaven.
Atsushi ran his tongue exploratively over the skin. Tasting. Feeling. He sucked a few times clumsily.. and even after retreating he pressed something akin to sloppy kisses over his length. Likely just exploring with his mouth, taking in new sensory information the ways he knew how.
"Fuck yes.. sooo good.. God, you're so good, Atsushi" Ryuunosuke moved to stroke himself directly over Atsushi's mouth.
"Cmon.. lick it again? Youre gonna make me cum so fast with your mouth, Atsushi.."
Atsushi turned his head away grunting. Not at all the response his caregiver wanted. He was showing clear disinterest in giving oral.. but it wasn't the answer Akutagawa wanted.
"Cmon. Please. For me.. you love me don't you, Atsushi? Your body tells me that you love me.. can't you love me with your tongue?"
He jerked himself relentlessly next to his patient's face.
"Please?.. cmon.. for a toy? It'll all be over quickly and I'll get you whatever toy you want at the store.. ah.. I bet they have spider toys.." he urged. Desperate now for attention on his aching cock.
Atsushi relented. He stuck out his tongue and began to lick over the head.
"Yessss. Yes that's it. Perfect. Pretend you're a little puppy and you're licking your water bowl. That's exactly how I want you to lick me. Gooood boy. Youre so perfect, my sweet prince. You must really love your Ryuu."
His groaning was becoming more desperate. His hand moving over himself as he chased his own pleasure. Each time his tongue moved hotly over his skin it inched ever closer.
"Good boy. Good boy. Ryuu's going to let out some of his l-love, okay Atsushi?" He panted.
"Don't be scared. It's not gonna hurt you. You're gonna make me cover you in my love.."
A few deeper strokes and his body rushed over the edge- cum began pulsing out in waves, spilling over Atsushi's face as Akutagawa moaned.
Atsushi responded immediately with discomfort. Whining and crying and pushing at his caregiver to indicate his disapproval the only way he could.
Akutagawa finished and then set about cleaning him up.
"Its okay, it's okay" he cooed, already in disaster control mode just moments after his own release.
"That was supposed to happen. You did perfect. That warm white stuff is just my love, Atsushi. No need to cry. "
He cleaned every drop off of him diligently. Desperate to make him calm down. He didn't want to give him any reason to associate their Special Time together with discomfort.
"You did a perfect job for ryuu. And look.. your precious little penis is still hard isn't it? You liked it. I know you did. You must've just gotten a little scared, that's all. But it's okay now. Ryuu's gonna make it all okay again. "
His hand moved to be gingerly rub over Atsushi's length. Atsushi swatted at his hand, crying and thrashing. But Akutagawa didn't budge.
"Shhhhh. Don't cry, baby. Here, let me make it up to you. I won't get any on your face again i promise"
He leaned in closer and closer and began to take Atsushi into his mouth.
The young man froze up at the sensation- unsure what to make of it.
But Akutagawa knew was he was doing. He knew just how to please his beloved.
His tongue darted down to run over the full length of him. Hot and wet. He was able to get Atsushi's arousal almost all the way into his mouth, even to the back of his throat.
Atsushi still cried, but Ryuunosuke figured that it was best to let him cry it out.
He wanted this.. clearly he wanted it.. it would feel good. He was just reciprocating. It couldn't be abuse.. no.. he would never hurt Atsushi. He wouldn't dream of it.
He began to bob his head, giving him a proper blowjob. Atsushi's fingers gripped his hair, tugging and pushing as he cried.
But he couldn't last long like this.
It was too much. Too hot and wet and tight. His body responded whether he wanted to or not.
Ryuunosuke hummed at the base of his cock, sending vibrations through him as he sucked. It pulled Atsushi right over the edge.
He nearly screamed as his body began to orgasm. Cum surged to the back of Akutagawa's throat and was easily swallowed down as it came.
Atsushi was still crying when Ryuunosuke withdrew, letting him fall limply to the side with a quiet pop.
"That's a good boy, Atsushi" he continued to coo to him.
"You did so good. You're going to get a rely good treat for doing such a good job."
The reminder of a treat calmed him marginally. Enough that Ryuunosuke could begin to pet him to try to soothe away his tears. He cleaned up dutifully, leaving no trace behind of their encounter. Washing away every bit of evidence like a crime scene.
And when Atsushi's tears dried up, together they went out into the public together to find him a toy.
A spider.
Something Atsushi loved. A predator that wraps its prey up in it's web.
Never to let it free again.