Chapter Text
There was nothing.
And then there was a spark.
And then there was something.
꧁ flash꧂
███
Oh, it was a name. He could see it now.
███
Eve.
Oh, yes, Lucifer remembered Eve. Heaven had made her to replace Lilith. Lilith said they made her differently, though. Not from the dirt, like her and Adam. Different, missing something.
“She can’t say no,” Lilith said. “They made her that way.”
It bothered her, Lucifer could tell. It bothered her a lot.
It bothered him too.
He spoke to Eve, sometimes, came into the Garden as an animal—a box turtle or parakeet or a mouse. She never asked why these animals could talk to her. She never asked any questions, actually. And when he tried to ask her questions, she would only say one thing: “My desire is to my husband, and to heaven.” And then she would smile, but there was no light behind her eyes.
Lucifer felt sorry for her.
He was the one who suggested it. Lilith couldn’t have, because she didn’t know about the ████ (oh, Tree!). She didn’t know what it was for, just that she and Adam weren’t supposed to eat the ██████ (apples!). She didn’t know it was the essence of the Divine, the spark the angels came from that separated Light from Darkness. If Eve was made to be lesser, then Lucifer could make her more. He could give her what heaven wouldn’t.
It had been his idea. It had been his fault.
So why was Lilith the one in chains?
He fought to get to her as they dragged her into the courtroom. He needed to tell them. He couldn’t let her be punished for something he had done.
Michael held him back. Shoved him up against the wall and would not let him into the courtroom. “This is what she wants,” he said. “The only time she and I have agreed on anything.” Tightly gripping Lucifer’s chin. “We’re protecting you, brother.”
“No.” Lucifer tried to shake his head, but Michael’s grip was too tight. “No, please, let me go to her. I’m the one who corrupted Eve. If heaven wants to punish someone, it should be me.”
And when he tried to break free again, Michael pinned him to the wall with his sword.
꧁ flash꧂
“I see you’re still here.”
Lucifer looked up, hands resting on the hilt of the sword sticking out of his shoulder. “Michael, let me go.” He kicked his feet out, trying to get enough traction to free himself. “I need to be with Lilith. At least let me be with her.”
Michael leaned in over him, eyes heavily lidded. “You know I can’t let you do that.”
“Let me go,” Lucifer repeated. He didn’t know how much time had passed. █ hours.
Michael sniffed. “It’s done, Lucifer.”
“Done?”
“The court has passed its judgment. Lilith’s justice was swift but fair.”
Lucifer went still. “Where is she?” He could feel his heart beating around the angelic steel in his chest. “What did they do to her?”
“It’s unimportant.”
“Tell me, Michael! Please!”
Michael grabbed the hilt of his sword and wrenched it free. Lucifer slid down the wall, trailing golden ichor. “It’s time to go home, Lucifer.”
꧁ flash꧂
“Are you still angry with me?”
Lucifer turned his head away from his brother. “You can’t keep me here forever,” he mumbled, jangling the chain fastened around his ankle. He did not know how much time had passed. ██ days.
Michael crossed the room and threw open the curtain to reveal another morning had come, shining bright and blue over heaven. “I’m only keeping you here until you’ve worked this…temper tantrum out of your system.”
“Someone will notice I’m missing.”
“Sera knows you’re convalescing from your grief,” Michael stated airily, turning from the window. “Lilith’s betrayal was quite hard on you. The elders understand this.”
“She didn’t betray me,” Lucifer said, pulling his knees in. Michael could cushion the bed with as many downy pillows as he wanted; it wouldn’t make his captivity any more comfortable. “If Lilith is a traitor, then I am too and I belong with her.”
Michael wrinkled his nose. “What do you find so enthralling about that witch anyway?”
He came over to the bed on clipped steps, striding with purpose. He braced his hands on the mattress and leaned in.
“What does she have that I don’t?”
Lucifer looked up at his brother. “I love her.”
“You don’t love me?”
“I do. But I’m in love with her, Michael.”
Michael grabbed him by the collar and hauled him forward. The mattress dipped under their combined weight. “That wretched woman. She’s the one who instilled this ingratitude in you.”
“Ingrati—?”
Michael shoved him down among the pillows. “I will make you forget her.”
꧁ flash꧂
“Lucifer?”
Lucifer curled in tighter on himself.
He turned away when he felt Michael come up beside him, sit on the edge of the bed.
“I may have been…too rough with you.”
Lucifer didn’t say anything.
“I’m…”
Lucifer squeezed his eyes closed.
He gritted his teeth when the bed dipped again. Flinched when he felt Michael’s gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Would you prefer it if I had…what Lilith has? I can do that for you. I can make it feel good.”
“Please go away,” Lucifer begged.
“Shhh,” Michael said, forcefully turning Lucifer over and climbing on top of him. “I will make it feel good for you this time. Because I love you.”
꧁ flash꧂
“Did I really mess things up so badly between us?”
Lucifer buried his face in the pillows. He didn’t know how much time had passed. ███ days.
“I would let you go in an instant,” Michael went on, “if you promised to forget about Lilith.”
“I’ll never forgive you.”
“Huh?”
Lucifer lifted his head from the muffling pillows. “I said I’ll never forgive you.”
There was a long silence.
“I see.”
Lucifer tensed, waiting for Michael to force himself on him again.
But instead, Michael simply rose and walked from the room.
꧁ flash꧂
█ hours had passed when Michael returned again.
“I’m going to fix this.”
“You’re going to let me go?”
“I’m going to free you from that woman’s influence.” Michael grabbed Lucifer’s shoulder and flipped him over onto his back on the bed. There was grim intent on his face, something different from before.
“Michael, what are you—?”
“Shhh,” Michael hushed again, just as he had before. “This isn’t going to hurt. And when it’s all over, you won’t remember her at all.”
“Michael!” Lucifer thrashed against his brother’s hold. “Michael, stop! Stop, please! Don’t!” He couldn’t. He couldn’t!
“You’ll be much happier without her wicked presence in your mind.” Michael’s hand was as cold as marble as it pressed against Lucifer’s head.
“Michael,” Lucifer pleaded. “Please don’t please don’t please don’t please—”
꧁ flash꧂
Lucifer looked up from breakfast. He didn’t know how much time had passed since his accident. ████ days.
“I miss Lilith.”
Michael looked up from the other side of the dining table. “What?”
“Lilith,” he repeated. “Whatever happened to her?”
Michael stood. His chair scraped along the floor with an angry groan. “Where did you hear that name?”
“Lilith?” Lucifer blinked. “The human from the Garden. She’s…my friend.”
He must have said something wrong, because the next thing he knew, Michael’s hand was tangled in his hair and he was being dragged from his seat.
“Don’t you ever say that name!”
“I’m sorry!” Lucifer cried. “I’m sorry!”
“How do you know that name?”
“She’s my friend!” Lucifer didn’t know what sort of answer Michael wanted.
“Lilith is nobody’s friend!” Michael threw him to the floor. “I guess I wasn’t thorough enough.”
He bent down and grabbed Lucifer’s head between his hands and then there was white nothing.
꧁ flash꧂
The white nothing had cleared. He didn’t know how he had gotten here, or where he was. But Michael was here. There was no chain, no sword keeping him pinned. Just anger coursing through his veins.
“Michael.”
“Lu—cifer.” Michael tried to pull free from Lucifer’s grip.
Lucifer did not let him.
“Brother, listen to me.” Michael clasped his other hand on top of Lucifer’s, pleading. “I don’t know what you remember, but you must believe me, I only took those memories from you because they were causing you harm.”
“YOU—caused—harm!”
Michael winced. “I did. I made a mistake. But, Lucifer, you have to understand. Lilith sent one of her hell creatures to—”
Lucifer’s fist stopped him from finishing.
There was a crack as it collided with Michael’s jaw, and Michael went keeling over backwards.
“Lilith,” Lucifer said, grabbing Michael by his jacket and hauling him back up before he could recover. “Took her—took her from—” The feelings in his head weren’t coming out right. Felt like…felt like too much being shoved through a funnel at one time.
Lucifer spread his wings. He did not recognize where he was. He was vaguely aware of two other people in this strange room, but neither had moved to do anything. Felt too closed-in. Like a funnel. He needed to stretch.
He launched both himself and Michael into the air, through the ceiling. Concrete shattered like it was glass.
They tunneled upwards to the floor above, which was still not the open sky, so Lucifer kept going. There were startled shrieks, the sound of flapping wings as other angels hurried to get out of their way, the rumbling of an entire building shuddering around them. The smell of smoke and dust was chokingly thick, but it meant nothing to Lucifer. There was only Michael, and the rage burning away at his insides.
At last they broke into the clear blue sky. Endless above them.
Lucifer grabbed the collar of Michael’s jacket, double-handed, and threw his brother wide.
Michael went careening up into that endless sky, and Lucifer chased after him. Building momentum. He had always been faster than Michael. Always. He collided at mach speed with Michael’s flailing form a mile above the gleaming city below.
A resounding oomf echoed across the heavens like a sonic boom.
Michael bent in half. Golden, bloody spittle flew from his lips. Eyes widened in shock.
He somersaulted over himself again and again before finally flaring his wings and catching himself. He hovered, panting heavily.
“Lucifer…” He wiped at his lip. Stared at the blood. Then back at Lucifer in shock. “You…”
“Told you.” Lucifer flapped his wings to keep treading air away from Michael. “Never forgive you.”
Michael had the gall to look hurt. “You don’t have all your memories, Lucifer. You don’t have the full picture.”
“Took them!” Lucifer grabbed at his head. “You took!”
Michael winced. And then had the gall to look angry.
“This is exactly why!” he shouted, using his own choral voice. As if he had any right to it. To use it on Lucifer. “I’ve only ever wanted to protect you! And you have fought me every step of the way!” He made a slicing motion with his arm. “Why won’t you let me protect you?”
“Don’t want—your protection.” Lucifer’s normal speaking voice contained more venom than his chorus could ever hope to summon. “Don’t want—your love.” He spat this last word. It wasn’t the right word for what Michael had done. It wasn’t even close. And it tasted awful on his tongue. “Hate you. Hate you.”
Michael’s face went flat. His eyes went flat. For a long second, he was flat, empty.
And then his face curled into a snarl. “You don’t mean that. You’re only saying that because of your warped memories.” He pulled himself up, shoulders back. “I can fix this.”
With a growl, he lunged.
Lucifer was not quite prepared for his brother’s fury, especially when fists grabbed tightly around his wings and yanked. There was pain, and flashes of images. Hands on him. Hands on his body. Pinning his shoulders. Running along his sides, his thighs.
“Doesn’t it feel good, Lucifer?”
No, not it did. Michael was a liar.
Lucifer squirmed in his grasp, beating fiercely with the remaining four wings left to him. He kicked at Michael’s body. Clawed at his face.
Michael was strong, but Lucifer was not held down anymore. Not by chains. Not by any sense of brotherly compassion. His nails raked across Michael’s face, and when it earned him a pained shriek, Lucifer felt a vicious, un-angelic glee.
The hands held strong, though, and he felt them moving along his wings to his shoulders. Searching for his head.
No, he was not going back to the white nothing.
With a scream, he shoved against Michael’s chest and unleashed his seraphic form. The wings cradling his flame within his core—the burning hot fire of a star. Michael was forced back, throwing up a hand to shield himself from the light and heat. The smell of burning feathers filled the air as his wings began to singe and he was forced back farther still.
“Evil!” Lucifer cried, and his voice echoed across the sky. The feelings were rushing to get out through his words, but the words weren’t right. They couldn’t begin to describe what he was feeling. “Bad! Liar!”
“Quiet!” Michael hissed. “Not all of heaven needs to hear you, Lucifer.”
“Want them to hear! Want them to know!”
Lucifer’s core burned brighter, and Michael had to take on his own seraphic form or else have his body burned up in the star’s corona. Six arms, each bearing a gleaming sword, formed a protective circle around his humanoid form. That wasn’t the real him, though. The real him was the massive pair of wings, each bearing a singular eye the size of a building, staring at Lucifer.
“Want them to know it was me!” Lucifer screamed, and the great eyes flinched. “I made the humans—like us! Wanted them to know. Wanted them to see.”
Maybe it hadn’t been right to give Eve the apple from the Tree. Maybe he was bad too. But in that case, he should be punished like Lilith had been. He should be with Lilith.
“Lucifer.”
A new voice. Urgent. Worried. A figure swooping up to meet them. A gray swan. Many wings. Many eyes. Lucifer’s mind searched for a name: Sera. There were feelings about her. She had been warm, once, and then she had been cold. Distant. Why won’t you look at me?
One memory:
Sitting outside Sera’s office, kicking his feet back and forth idly. The voices inside speaking hurriedly.
“But are you certain it’s necessary, Michael? Altering his memories?”
“If there were any other way, Sera, I would. But the memories of Lilith’s betrayal—they were tormenting him. He was becoming violent, lashing out, all because of what that woman did to him.” Hatred laced Michael’s every word. “I had to keep him chained in his room, and you know I can only suppress his powers so much on my own.”
“Was it truly that serious?”
“If I did not do something, he was going to become dangerous. Can you imagine a seraph going rogue? Lilith has already dealt heaven a terrible blow. We can’t let her have this.”
Sera was quiet for the longest time.
“It has…been done then?”
“Forgive me, I had to act quickly.”
“No, no, you—you acted as you thought best. Let there be no doubt that you care for your brother.” A heavy sigh. “Very well. Take him home and see that he is comfortable.”
The door opened, and as Michael came out, Lucifer caught a glimpse of Sera (not as a swan) with her hand covering her face.
“Why did you lie to her?” Lucifer asked.
Michael frowned.
“Lilith didn’t do anything to me.”
Michael took in a long, slow breath. “I see she’s still lingering around in here,” he said, leaning forward and tapping his finger against Lucifer’s temple. “Like a tree with deep, stubborn roots. Well, I guess we’ll just keep digging her out, then.”
꧁ flash꧂
“Lucifer.” Sera dropped her choral voice as she flew in close.
Lucifer blinked out of his memories.
“What is going on?” she asked.
“He’s confused, Sera,” Michael said. “He’s under demonic influence. One of Lilith’s spies has him convinced I’ve been plotting against him.”
“Hurt me!” Lucifer shrieked. “Hurt me and knew it. Sera knew!”
Sera’s many, many eyes blinked. “Lucifer…”
“Knew, knew, knew!” Lucifer pulled his wings in tight around himself, smothering the flame with feathers and eyes. “Knew,” he whimpered. “Hurt and knew.”
“Oh, Lucifer…”
He flinched when he felt her presence near him. Her aura was cool. Not angry. But he shuddered away from her anyway. “Don’t touch.”
She drew back.
“Sera, this is serious,” Michael said. “One of Lilith’s minions has breached the gates and infiltrated heaven. You need to help me subdue Lucifer so we can—”
“No!” Lucifer trembled in anger. “No, won’t go back.”
“Go back?” Sera asked.
“Room. Chain. Michael hurts. Doesn’t feel good.” He didn’t know how to describe it. It didn’t matter what Michael’s body had, or what he forced Lucifer’s body to have. It didn’t matter how gentle he was, or how many times he told Lucifer, You’re being so good for me, I love you. Michael couldn’t make it beautiful. He couldn’t make it feel good. And that always hurt.
Sera’s many eyes were staring at him.
“Sera,” Michael called to her, “this is a matter of urgency. The safety of heaven is at stake, and we cannot afford to waste time. We need to get Lucifer under control—”
“What we need,” Sera interrupted him, “is to deescalate this situation.”
Her being flashed and shrank, taking on her bodily form. A slender figure, tall, elegant, bathed in a purple-blue aura. She held out her arms to Lucifer.
“I promise you, nobody is going to hurt you,” she said. “We love you, Lucifer. We only want what’s best for you.”
“Lie!”
She didn’t flinch as he sent out a wave of flame. Even when it singed her wings and curls, whipped the fabric of her dress. She remained steadfast, with her arms open.
“I understand that Michael’s punishments hurt,” she said. “If you want another caretaker, I will see that it is done. The council will place you with someone else. Someone of your choosing.”
“You can’t be serious,” Michael scoffed. “You don’t really believe there’s anyone more qualified to take care of my brother than me.”
“Don’t want someone else,” Lucifer muttered.
“See?”
“Don’t want anyone. Want Lilith.”
Lucifer hugged himself with his wings. The anger fueling his fire had burned down, and the ashes left behind were sad. Lonely. Scared. He shuddered down into his corporeal form as well. He wanted to reach out to Sera. He remembered her being warm. He wanted to feel her warmth again. But she was so cold.
So cold.
“Lucifer…”
She drifted nearer. He didn’t push her away.
“Lucifer.” Her hand on his chin was cool. And gentle as it lifted his eyes to hers. “You are important,” she said, in her voice that was so deep and caring. Did she care? “You are important,” she repeated, “and I’m sorry I have been turning my eyes away from you.” Her many, many eyes. “Tell me what you want.”
Lucifer opened his mouth, and a sad little whimper came out. He hadn’t meant for that to happen. He wiped at his face and found there were tears streaming down his cheeks. He hadn’t meant for that to happen either.
“Don’t be afraid,” Sera said.
It was easy for her to say that. But he was afraid. He was so afraid.
He felt something pushing against the empty spaces in his head. Names and faces he couldn’t remember. Not even images. Just feelings. This person makes me feel seen. This person makes me feel safe. This person makes me happy.
“I want…” He sniffled.
There was an image in his mind. A memory. Standing with Lilith next to the Tree.
“It will give Eve what heaven kept from her. The ability to know for herself.”
That’s all I want.
“I want—to know—for myself,” he said, struggling with each word. But each word was worth it. Heavy. Grounding. He only wanted to know for himself what was good. Not to have it dictated or forced upon him, chained in a room or in his own mind. He didn’t want someone else’s words speaking for him.
Sera’s face softened. Did she understand? Did she? He wanted to believe she did.
“Lucifer,” she said. “I don’t understand what’s going on here, but I can see your pain.” She reached up a hand to brush away his tears. “I’m listening.”
It felt like he had been waiting for so long to hear those words.
I did hear them. There were others. He couldn’t recall their names, though. He just knew they had seen him before she had.
“Sera, now! While I bind him!”
Lucifer caught the look of surprise on Sera’s face in the split second before Michael tackled him. Six arms with six swords were poised to run him through, but Lucifer saw it. There was no emotion at all. No anger, no sadness, no fear. Just instinct as he flung his own arm wide. His fingertips glowed.
A solar flare of holy light erupted from his palm.
He saw Michael’s body jerk back. Heard his scream. Caught in the flare’s light, his form twisted and writhed.
And then there was another light. Pale blue. Ethereal. Holy. Sera, with her hand raised as well, joining her holy light with his.
It whited out the sky, and cast flickering shadows onto heaven below. Michael’s screams reached a fever pitch and cracked. His body, caught between the power of two of his fellow seraphim, burst into a million particles. The curious smell of sulfur lingered on the air.
Sera pulled her hand back with a sharp gasp and stared at it in horror. “Michael, I…”
Lucifer lowered his hand too. He didn’t know what he was feeling as he watched what remained of his brother fall to the ground as dust.