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Lucio wakes up in the middle of the night. In itself, this is not out of the ordinary for him. His sleep patterns have been unusual since he entered the House of Spiders. He's gotten used to his mentor dragging him out of bed at seemingly random points of the night to train, the stench of alcohol stinging his nose as she yanked on his arm, almost as if she wished to rip it straight off. He tried not to linger on those sorts of moments much. A good textbook shouldn't engage in that sort of rumination. In spite of that, however, his body has seemingly adjusted to waking up at various points throughout the night. It's an aspect of his life he doesn't feel particularly strongly about, especially as he is usually able to settle back to sleep if nothing is needed from him.
This, however, does not seem like it will be one of those times.
Lucio turns onto his side, bringing the blankets up past his neck. He shuts his eyes tightly. A good textbook should not ruminate, and yet…
He feels strange. Weird. It's a suffocating, anxiety-inducing feeling, like he's about to be caught doing something he shouldn't. Which is weird. He doesn't… He's not supposed to feel this way. Clutching onto his blanket, a flood of different worries fill his head.
He feels like someone is mad at him. Valencina is probably mad at him, right? That's why she didn't wake him up to train tonight. She's… Probably going to do something to him tomorrow. And if he falls asleep, that will simply make the inevitable occur sooner.
And he can't stop thinking about it. The scenarios play out in his head over and over and over. His arms and legs hurt, and above all else he feels so, so small. He tries so hard to push it down, to bury it with the rest of his unnecessary contemplations. It's uncomfortable, and it fills him with an unease he simply cannot bring himself to ignore.
Lucio decides to get up. Maybe he will get a drink of water, or engage in some light studying. Whatever he decides, it's better than letting himself be consumed by his thoughts. A good textbook does not ruminate.
As Lucio makes his way out of his room into the corridor's common area, he passes by Valencina passed out on the couch. She's been drinking again, he assumes. He does not like it when his mentor drinks. Anxiety causes his stomach to tighten, and he quietly takes a few steps back and hides behind a wall. It's cowardly, he thinks, and so much unlike him. And even though she's unlikely to wake up anytime soon… He still feels scared. Which is wrong. Lucio doesn't get scared. He doesn't cry, or scream, or do anything to stop it when Valencina punishes him. Although right now, he wishes he could.
Slowly but surely, Lucio makes it out of the Corridor of the Thumb. He's not really sure where he's going. He knows that it's bad for him to be out. He should be in bed, or at the very least make himself useful and study. But Lucio doesn't want to be anywhere near his mentor right now. It's too much, too large of a situation for him to navigate when he feels so small. So insignificant.
Then, it hits him. Lucio longs for something. He longs for someone.
Lucio approaches the Corridor of the Pinky. While the air is still tense as the rest of the House of Spiders, it's nowhere near as suffocating as the corridor where he and Valencina reside. Hues of blue and purple surround him, and it calms him somewhat. Still though, he feels uneasy to be out in the open like this.
He makes his way to the room of a certain someone, though he hesitates before he opens the door. Does he really need this? No, does he deserve to do this? He's not, good. He hasn't been good. He's behind on his studies and has now left the corridor without permission. For what? Just because he feels a little weird? Just because he wants someone to hold him, and comfort him, and tell him that everything is going to be okay?
Lucio's eyes sting, but he quickly blinks it away. A good textbook does not cry. Even still…
When Lucio opens the door, Ren is fast asleep. He lays on his back, chest rising up and down slowly. Lucio stands there quite awkwardly, wringing his hands and trying not to look at him. He can't bring himself to wake his fellow apprentice up, no matter how badly he wants to.
Lucio opens his mouth slightly, a small sound no louder than a hum escaping his airways. He cringes at it. A good textbook does not squeak, or make any sounds that show that he's weak. Because… He doesn't want to be weak. He can't be weak.
Suddenly, Ren begins to stir, opening one eye and then blinking slowly. He sits up, rubs his eyes, and looks at Lucio curiously. Then, he smiles softly.
"I have been wondering when you would come by like this again." His words are quiet, calm, with that hit of smugness that his words always tend to be coated with. He removes his blankets, moving to sit on the edge of the bed before patting the spot next to him. "Come sit."
Without thinking, Lucio obliges. He hates that he does. It's… Wrong. Bad. What he is doing, and what brought him here, is wrong and bad. He shuts his eyes tightly for a moment, folding his hands on his lap.
"I overheard my master speaking with your own today," Ren explains, "she has been hard on you as of late, has she not?"
When is she ever not hard on me, Lucio thinks, but the words sit in the bottom of his stomach, quickly consumed by the sea of unnecessary thoughts about his mentor's cruelty. The things he wishes he could say, what he wishes to do to her, the things that he must keep inside until the moment is right. He knows he must keep his mouth shut. If word were to make its way back to her… Well, Lucio doesn't want to think about that at the moment.
Valencina means well, he thinks, in her own messed up way. He's simply… Not measuring up. That's all. Lucio wonders, albeit briefly, if Ren understands this predicament of paradox. The relationship between an apprentice and their mentor is a fairly private affair. Lucio was not privy to much of what went on between the others in the house. He wonders if Ren's mentor was as harsh on him as Valencina was on Lucio. However, from what he's seen of the Dihui Star, it's unlikely to be the case.
Still though, something in Ren's eyes tells Lucio that he understands, even if only a little.
Lucio shrugs, gaze dropping to the floor. A few moments later, however, some switch flips in the back of his mind, and he straightens his back, looking at Ren. A good textbook makes sits up straight and makes eye contact when speaking with someone.
"There is no need for formality in this moment." Ren's dark eyes soften. "She is not here. No one else is here, save for you and I." he places a hand over top of one of Lucio's. "You are safe here, Luci."
Ren's words wash over Lucio like a series of gentle moonlit waves. The nickname tickles the tips of his ears, and whatever weird, small feeling he's been experiencing since he woke up plummets and surrounds him like a tight hug.
Lucio does not remember the last time he has been hugged by anyone. It's a foreign sensation to him, though he cannot say he dislikes it.
He swallows, blinks once, then twice, letting this moment hang in the air before he makes his next move. another small hum escapes him. He… Lets his head fall into Ren's lap, swinging his legs around onto the bed as he brings them up to his chest.
Ren exhales softly. "Would you enjoy it if I were to play with your hair?"
Lucio thinks for a moment, then nods. Words seemed like too much right now. Spindly fingers begin to brush through his long hair, occasionally scratching his scalp gently. He shuts his eyes again.
Anxiously, Lucio begins to think ahead. He will have to make it back to his room at some point tonight, or Valencina will… Do something he'd rather not think about right now. Tomorrow, he and Ren will wake up, study under the tutelage of their respective mentors, and let this moment fade into reserves alongside their other shared moments. But right now… He is here. Ren is here. The night air is cold and the bed is warm and no one can see him here at his most exposed, his most vulnerable.
And for once, the first time in a very long time, Lucio feels safe.