Chapter Text
run program: soul capture
progress: 5/15
+ you die.
+ you die because you deserve to die. simple as that. you hope nobody mourns you.
+ but then you wake up (bad) in some crappy-looking fake world (worse) with your hair in your face (worst).
+ you can hear your buddy, the one you murdered. he is screaming.
+ you drag your useless hair out of your eyes just in time to see him launch at you, warm and light and wailing. he squeezes both arms around your neck, trying to choke the life out of you.
+ you let him.
+ it doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it, because you are already dead.
+ you thought the feelings boiling away at the inside of your mind would finally quiet. WRONG.
+ you realize with horror that he isn't trying to kill you. he is hugging you, improbable strength in his weak little arms.
+ he says "i missed you" tearfully. you wish he'd strangled you instead.
+ you are yelling at him. apologies and grief and guilt. you hear yourself use a five-dollar word and try to bite it back.
+ he says he forgives you. you consider snapping your own neck so as not to hear it.
+ another pair of arms grabs at you. another classmate, another person you thought you'd lost forever, pushes his scruffy head against your shoulder.
+ there is a pretty girl in the distance. she waves at you.
+ your hair is in your face AGAIN.
+ the guy you murdered holds your face, smiling warmly, and says "i need your help".
+ you say "anything".
+ you try not to think about what you lost. about the brother you'd only just found.
+ they take you inside the main building. its tall and big like a school, but not evil. the structure is okay. sometimes the seams don't meet, but the walls stay up even under your fists.
+ the girl is in charge. you remember how she died. Sayaka, knife to the guts.
+ you didn't protect her.
+ she tells you they want to build a library in one of the empty rooms. and that they've already made a common area and computer room and five dormitories. she says all this while slowly sliding off her shitass chair, because the seat is a 45 degree angle to most of the legs.
+ she also tells you the rules of this world: an experimental computer program carving out a niche of afterlife. you don't know what that means. she tells you the AI doesn't fully understand fabric fluidity. you don't understand. she says nobody here can change their clothes or style their hair.
+ you test the walls with your fists a lot after that.
+ your buddy talks at you a lot, holding your arm. the arm you used to kill him. he smiles at you like everything is okay and he tells you incomprehensible nerd shit.
+ he built this program when he was still alive. he never expected it to work. he's so happy it did.
+ nobody needs to eat, he tells you. you can build objects if you think about them just right. all fifteen of you will come here eventually.
+ that last bit is pointless. nobody else is going to die young.
right?
+ you ask if you can go back.
+ he frowns at you and says "I don't think so dude we're not corporeal any more"
+ you only exist at all because of some computer.
+ you try not to think about what you lost.
+ you fix the stupid chair.
+ you tell all of them your secret, the one you killed to protect. who fucking cares anymore, right?
+ you hope it'll make them finally realize what a piece of shit you are and kick you out, but they don't.
+ you miss going fast. you miss looking cool. you don't miss not making tables.
+ there are fourteen dormitories now, plus a library, three meeting rooms, and a game room. all fully-furnished.
+ Leon suggested you might need to slow down with making furniture. the two of you get into a fistfight until the robot starts crying.
+ you have no idea what gender the robot is, but you stop just to be safe.
+ you miss Taka a lot.
+ you ask where the other girl is. the second one to die.
+ Chihiro seems glad you're asking about something other than the real world. ("and nothing", he tells you, "has happened there. this digital afterlife is uncoupled from real-time. you've been dead for days here and only hours there.")
+ (the uncoupling gives the dead time to adjust before the next dead arrive, he says.)
+ (when he first arrived, Leon and Sayaka were locked into some insane fucking punch-up) (he didn't use those words)
+ (they're okay now)
+ (you think they might be starting a band)
+ (you should build them a stage)
+ Sayaka braids your hair out of your face. you can feel the strands start to unwind as soon as shes done, but you're grateful anyway.
+ "Junko wouldn't cooperate", she explains. "She refused to be contained. the computer had to purge her, or she would've taken it apart."
+ the computer, which calls itself After Ego and looks like someone colored Chihiro with highlighter, appears.
+ "I'm sorry," it says. "I really wanted to protect everyone like Dad told me."
+ (somehow your buddy is the computers dad, of course. what even the fuck?)
+ purged. the word feels so final. you wonder if it should happen to you next.
+ but no. they tell you shes still out there, haunting the perimeter.
+ Leon says he has to keep building row after row of fences, just to stop her from getting in and attacking everyone.
he tells you shes a vengeful spirit. and also hes writing a song about her.
+ you tell him hes stupid.
+ the two of you argue for hours and miss the dinner meeting (all meeting no dinner). nobody yells at you.
+ you start telling each other stories; random memories of your lives, just to stay entertained. Sayaka tucks her legs under herself neatly, and describes the time her group was double-booked at two venues across town.
+ you only half-listen, but it seems her cleverness and organization made up for her managers' failures. both sets of concert-goers went home happy.
+ After gets excited to hear about it. he (he?) has been weird about music since the get-go, encouraging Leon's non-existent career and sometimes humming 8bit tunes when it (it?) thinks nobody is listening.
+ "Dad! lets go to an idol concert someday!"
+ Chihiro pinches the bridge of his nose. he reminds it that you're all trapped in this one, tiny reality. everything outside is basically soup; little chopped up bits of ghosts and souls all mixed in together. the only reason any of you are yourselves is because of the program's boundaries.
+ the bot huffs. it (he?) knows that better than any of you, it says. it wants to have an idol concert in here, with all of you. with "lights and special effects and merchandise and everything".
+ your buddy says "maybe later", once you're permanently safe from Junko, once the building is more complete.
+ After sighs, then looks to you and says "Uncle! lets go to an idol concert someday!"
+ you say "what the fuck?"
+ the bot doesn't have a physical form to grab, so you stand there with your fists clenched and teeth bared.
+ "I fuckin' KILLED your dad", you remind him.
+ your fellow murderer flinches, turns a guilty eye to Sayaka. Chihiro looks unbothered. that little asshole is getting stronger, just like he threatened.
+ "we've talked about this", Sayaka says. "there were a million forces trying to get us to kill each other out there, what we did in the game doesn't define us".
+ she grins a bit & adds that its kinda cute if the robot wants to be family with you.
+ (you're not paying that much attention, but you think she might have grabbed Leon's hand. reassuringly, or whatever.)
+ the robot is in tears. which is so fucking stupid, because (1) its a fucking computer program, and (2) liquid barely exists in here because its a computer program that SUCKS.
+ "hey", Chihiro says, "you still don't believe I've forgiven you."
+ you tell him: "no, I know you SHOULDN'T have forgiven me."
+ After perks up helpfully and says "oh he has! and he's confident in his decision! my dad loves you a lot, you're like a brother to him."
+ those words hurt worse than dying. you feel the anger knocked out of you, and struggle to stay on your feet.
+ "I ALREADY HAD a brother!" you tell him uselessly. zeroes and ones, no concept of human feelings.
+ "oh shit," Leon says, "shit. yeah, I heard. I'm sorry about that truck, dude."
+ Sayaka nods, tells you that wasn't your fault either.
+ you make some idiot excuse and leave the room, fucking defeated. even Chuck would be disappointed in you if he knew.
+ Chihiro watches you go, expression bright and measured, and you just know hes going to want to talk about it at some point.
+ but he'll have to catch you first.
+ for the three days you zoom unceasingly from room to room, the fastest you've ever been off your wheels. SOMEONE always wants to play fucked-up four-person baseball, and the hours of shortstop have made your ghost-legs stronger.
+ the next night, Junko breaks in and starts smashing walls.
+ you drag yourself out of bed (frame courtesy of your amazing skills, mattress and other shit from Leon who is weirdly good at flexible objects) and summon up your axe. then a second axe for your other hand. just in case.
+ weapons here are apparently "innate", the best thing about this stupid computer afterlife.
+ you have your pickaxe, Sayaka has knives, the baseball bats are obvious, and Chihiro had a sword. then he turned it into a greatsword the day he realized he couldn't buzz his hair, because his son is an idiot. anyway, it has some nerdy coding effects welded into it.
+ Leon catches up to you in the hall. he says: "why does she ALWAYS fricken attack at night?"
+ After pops up and explains to you both that night is an illusion, part of the fake atmosphere created to make this place habitable to humans. he carefully does NOT refer to you as any kind of relative.
+ there's a crash in the direction of Sayaka's room, and you both break into a run.
+ inside you see Junko already checkmated, surrounded by a dozen knives.
+ her hair, big and blonde in life, is now short and dark. why?
+ you hold Leon back for a moment. the winner is already clear, no point in poaching the boss' glory.
+ Junko is talking some utter crap, eyes fixed on Sayaka's face.
+she says: "we were friends once, you know?"
+ she says: "my name is Mukuro. call me Mukuro. please."
+ she says: "I hate seeing you in here, cozying up to the guy who murdered you." (Leon grips your arm at the word 'cozying').
+ she says: "come with me. we could destroy everything together, and rule the ashes."
+ she is stabbed with so many knives, flickers, and disappears.
+ "is she dead?" Sayaka asks After. the bot hums for a minute, and then shakes his head.
+ "you hurt her", he murmurs, "but she's still alive. it's hard to die here, even harder for someone like her who doesn't care about living."
+ Chihiro nods, and adds "even harder for something like her. she's been outside in the soul-soup for too long, and she's starting to break down."
+ you don't pretend to understand. instead you look around at the wreckage and debris, proclaim "gonna take a lot of work to fix this".
+ "not yet," Chihiro says firmly, "we need to TALK."
+ fuck.
+ you both sit on a low wall, overlooking the grounds. you press your palm against the back of your neck and tell him: "say what you wanna say".
+ Chihiro says: "the others think you're still grieving Daiya."
+ you scoff, and tell him you don't grieve.
+ he scrunches his nose, a telltale sign that he's carefully picking his battles. he does it around you a lot.
+ "Sayaka might have noticed something," he continues, "on account of how you perk up everytime someone says Taka's name."
+ you say: "who cares?"
+ you failed him just as profoundly as you failed your older brother.
+ you say: "I'll never see him again" (you've all agreed that nobody left behind is likely to kill or to die. they're all going to make it).
+ Chihiro grabs at you, yells: "I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about YOU!"
+ he's so loud. you smirk and avert your eyes and joke "jesus. I think I'm a bad influence on you."
+ he denies this, with unearned confidence in his reedy little voice.
+ "anyway, I gotta go back," you say, praying your voice sounds less desperate than it feels. "have to see if my bro is okay."
+ he draws his knees up to his chin. he tells you its too dangerous.
+ dangerous isn't the same as impossible.
+ "we're ghosts," you say, "surely we can do some haunting."
+ he says: "there's a chance you'll end up disassembled, like the poor souls outside this program. we're only safe - we're only OURSELVES - as long as we stay within the boundaries."
+ he tears up. apologizes.
+ he apologizes to YOU.
+ he says: "I know the area inside this program is small. not much bigger than that school. I should've made it better, less experimental, but I didn't even think it would work."
+ he says: "so we have to stay here. please"
+ you put your arm on his shoulder and pretend not to see him crying.
+ "aw hell, it's a great program," you say. "we're literally defyin' death in here. anyone tries to shit-talk you, I'll take them apart."
+ "no, this isn't about ME either," he says in frustration. "I know you and I are friends, and that's all I need. and it's not about After, either. he's still learning how to relate to humans, he'll be fine! you don't have to be anything more to either of us!"
+ you are lost. you ask: "then WHAT is this about?"
+ "it's about Taka," he says, "having a moratorium over half the nouns you know."
+ "huh? where they keep the dead bodies?"
+ "no!" he snaps. "you're avoiding the concept of ever having close friends or chosen family again! because you're scared of- well, you don't WANT to dilute the words 'best friend' or 'brother' because that's all you have left of him. right?"
+ you tilt your head down, defeated. "dude... you don't gotta rub it in".
+ he shakes his head, continues: "but those aren't even the right words for him! or, maybe they're right, but they're not complete! I saw the two of you together. you weren't really brothers, or even best friends!"
+ it's almost a relief to feel angry again. you bare your teeth, ask Chihiro if he's trying to start a fight. he's so fucking cocky for being the only one in here who hasn't attempted murder.
+ he doesn't back down (did you teach him that?), points his finger in your face and says "SOULMATE!"
+ your brain stops working.
+ "that's the word you want," he announces, "isn't it? well, maybe it's just the programmer in me, but I think you can't really process a situation unless you categorize it correctly first."
+ you. don't. say. anything.
+ he's right. is he right?
+ you want him to be right.
+ he retreats into himself a little, speech delivered, and clasps his hands beneath his chin. he says: "that's why I think its fine for you to find other friends and siblings. I don't think it diminishes what the two of you have at all. I don't think anything can!"
+ you spiral for a while, body going about the day on autopilot. your mind is a long, empty tunnel, echoing a single word.
+ it doesn't mean shit, to define what has already been lost, right?
+ still, you want to throw up.
+ you only snap out of it when the stupid robot pops up, addresses you as: "unc... uh... Mond... uh..."
+ you tug at your idiot hair, say: "uncle is fine".
+ you never ever admit that Chihiro was right, because you never want to talk about that shit again. but later you lean against him and say: "you HAVE to send me back. you gotta, man. just for a minute. part of my soul is back there."
+ he sighs, steeples his fingers, then pushes back against you.
+ "alright. I'll figure something out."
tbc