Chapter Text
“Remember, Salim, you’re cleared, but that does not mean you’re good as new. Don’t go taking unnecessary risks or straining yourself, and ask me any time you need pain medication.”
Standing from the exam chair that he was very tired of being a regular in, Salim cast Kim what he hoped was a placating smile. “I understand. Thank you.” He watched her nod, then move to stuff equipment efficiently into several bags. “Do you need any help?”
She puffed out a breath of air to get her bangs to lift out of her eyes. “Only if you have no other duties.” Her eyes lifted to his, revealing her appreciation. “I can’t believe we’re moving out in only a week.”
The time had whipped by. For all they were theoretically on base to rest, very little of that had occurred. From the moment they landed, they had been assigned half days of German lessons, followed by as much physical training as they could stand in their respective conditions. The first month had been the worst, mind-numbing drills from a sour-faced drill sergeant that had left them all sore and cranky. Salim was beginning to understand why American soldiers were the way they were.
Then Jason had been cleared to join them again, freed from his intensive physical therapy, and the drill instructor disappeared. Jason did not go any easier on them, but his unique brand of drills had been welcome.
For once, they had been canceled for the day, allowing everyone to get their final health checks before shipping out.
Mosson had been in for his just before Salim. Jason was due next. So perhaps Salim’s offer to help wasn’t entirely selfless or without alternative motivation.
It had been hellish, the distance they had been forced to place between themselves. From sleeping on opposite ends of a barracks hall to barely being able to find a moment to simply check in with each other. The past few months had left Salim longing for Jason in entirely new ways. They’d hardly touched each other, let alone shared a single kiss.
With the prospect of finally flying to their destination in Germany and being out from under constant surveillance, Salim was more than willing to help make sure they were ready to leave as soon as possible.
And if he lingered he might get a handful of precious moments to at least look at his boyfriend the way he really wanted to. With burning desire and adoration in his eyes.
Excitement rose when the door opened, but it was Rachel who stepped in instead. “Afternoon,” she said, only to not bother waiting for an answer to continue. “Status on our men?”
Kim barely glanced up from where she was packing away sets of bandages. “They’re solid. Only Lieutenant Weenie left. He’ll be here in —“ She checked her watch. “Two minutes.”
At which it would be the exact time Jason had to report or he could be considered in contempt of orders.
Salim didn’t want to wait those two minutes, but he at least had something to do while they went by. He listened to Kim give Rachel a quick rundown on what she would and would not need shipped to their new facilities, but kept glancing over at the door every few moments.
It was Rachel who turned to him abruptly. “Salim, should you tempt yourself?”
“Should I pretend there is any answer to that other than, ‘Too bad, I am doing it?’”
“Jesus, you sound just like Jason.”
“Who’s taking my name in vain?”
The deep drawl was like a balm to Salim’s aching soul. The man in question strolled into the room exactly on time.
The second those caramel eyes landed on Salim, they brightened tenfold. “Hey,” was all he said, but three months of longing were knitted into the syllable.
Salim’s answering, “Hello,” was like goddamn poetry to Jason. Particularly because it came with that smile that was only for him.
Making a noise of exasperation, Rachel muttered, “I can’t believe I worked my ass off to make sure we were granted enough for you two to get your own cabin.”
That caught their attention instantly. Salim perked up like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. “You did?”
Jason turned wide, excited eyes on Rachel. “Have I mentioned you’re my favorite woman in existence?”
“What does that make me?” Kim scoffed.
“The woman who stabs me and stuffs pills down my throat.”
“Fair enough.”
Rachel rolled her eyes, but they were slanted upwards. “Well, now that I’ve ruined the surprise, you both can pay me back by continuing to be discreet until we get out of here. Which means you need a good reason to still be in here now that your physical is done, Salim.”
“I am helping Sun-Hi pack equipment for transport,” Salim tried.
“Which you can start doing,” Kim said flippantly, pushing an empty tub into his hand. “Everything on those shelves, please.”
Taking the tub, Salim flashed Jason a quick grin before he turned to get started. He heard Rachel mutter something else before she instructed, “When you’re done come to the communications room.”
Salim had never been in that room. It was used for outside calls, almost always from Rachel’s contacts back in Baghdad. “What for?”
“Another surprise.”
“What’s got you taking over Father Christmas today?” Jason asked, allowing Kim to shoo him up onto the examination table.
Rachel snorted, giving an enigmatic shrug. “I’m feeling generous. You should come talk to me after you’re done, too.”
She gave nothing away to Jason’s squint.
Instead, she placed her hands on her hips. “Have any of you seen Mosson today? The last I heard he, Elliott, and Palmer went on a run. The other two already came back, but he hasn’t yet.”
“It’s two days until the full moon,” Kim mentioned, placing her stethoscope to Jason’s chest.
“He’s been restless lately,” Salim added. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he is still out.”
Kim held her hand up to silence them all as she took Jason’s heartbeat and listened to his lungs. Once she gave the signal they could talk again, Jason was the first one to do so. “He is. I gave him the afternoon off.”
“When he comes back, send him to Eric. He wants to ask for the hundredth time about all of the risks we’re going to be up against.” She said it dryly, but there was affection in Rachel’s voice toward her husband.
“Best to be as prepared as possible,” Salim said, glancing up at her.
“There’s being ‘prepared’ and then there’s being paranoid.” Rachel’s tone softened. “But I can’t blame him, given how much faith he had in Caelus. He more than anyone doesn’t want that happening again.”
“I get it, but he’s gonna run the poor guy ragged before we even get there.” Jason tugged his shirt over his head at Kim’s bidding, revealing the faintly luminescent golden scars that decorated his chest. “Jeremy’s told him everything he knows ten times over. Remind Eric the guy’s going through some emotional shit right now, yeah?”
“I know. But it’s Eric’s orders. I actually think if we let Mosson go talk to him now, while the moon is doing whatever it does to him, maybe he’ll snap at Eric’s heels and then Eric will get the message.”
Shaking his head, Salim murmured, “Isn’t our mission to make sure nobody gets bitten? Supernatural creature or not.”
The quip got a snort out of Jason and made his heart ache at the same time. Every second with this man reminded him of how much he missed having him by his side. “I dunno, maybe Eric could use a nibble or two.”
“Put your shirt back on,” Kim said, flapping her hand at him. “Entire unit is healthy enough to ship out, Rachel.”
“Perfect. Then let’s keep packing so we can get the hell out of here,” Rachel said, looking at Jason expectantly.
“He could help here,” Salim suggested. He didn’t hesitate for even a second to land Rachel with a wide-eyed, hopeful look.
Throwing up her hands in exasperation, Rachel turned on her heels. “I expect you to the comm room in fifteen minutes, Othman,” was all she said.
Grinning bright as a spotlight, Jason grabbed an empty tub.
Kim, to her credit, simply smirked and busied herself cleaning off equipment, not paying them any more mind aside from handing them a couple items. She paid more attention to the door, listening for any approaching steps.
They worked at different counters, but being in each others’ presence filled them with an almost giddy energy. It had been well over a week since they’d gotten to brush past one another. Salim had been counting the days and was getting by solely on the secretive looks they stole.
He peeked over his shoulder to cast one of those looks at Jason, longing all over his face.
What he found was Jason looking at him like he had forgotten he was real and was delighted to discover his presence outside of his dreams all over again. The second their eyes met, the younger man grinned and threw him a wink.
It nearly stole the breath from Salim’s chest, as if someone reached inside of him and squeezed his lungs. Or his heart. That’s how it felt, wishing he could go to Jason, to hold him just for a moment.
Biting his lip, he threw a wink back. They only had a handful of days like this left. They had made it this far. They had to make it until then.
Until they would have a cabin together. True privacy.
The two moved around each other like that as they packed, two dancers forbidden to touch. Once in a great while they brushed past one another, a fleeting sensation of disturbing the same air, and then they were parted again.
“You’re due at the communications room,” Kim finally said, apologetic.
Salim had felt it looming as the minutes went by. He sighed, but he straightened from the box he had mostly filled up. He passed it to Kim. “I hope I like whatever this surprise turns out to be.” He offered her a smile before turning and allowing himself a long look at his lover. “See you at lunch.”
“See ya there,” Jason answered, reluctance clinging to every syllable. The weight of his gaze was heavy on Salim’s back as he stepped out into the base.
Being an Iraqi on an American base had been a surreal experience. Tensions were high the first few weeks, as every soldier seemed to know another stationed in Iraq. Jason had never let Salim go anywhere alone, forever sending a gosling with him.
Now, however, Salim had become a familiar face. When he was not simply ignored, he got nods of acknowledgment and even a smile or two.
Most of their names hadn’t stuck in his head, despite the months he had been around them. The base wasn’t particularly huge, yet still housed hundreds of soldiers from several units. He had awkwardly reintroduced himself to someone he’d already met a couple of times already.
It was helpful, at least, that being around fellow soldiers meant nobody pressed them about their previous or upcoming missions. Having a CIA agent with them probably aided that as well. Still, Salim was polite, but hadn’t formed any new bonds.
It was hard enough being forced to keep his distance from Jason. To not have Rana or Connor with them anymore. And to have no idea when he might hear from Zain again. Any friends he made here would have to be left behind, and Salim had done so much of that.
So he offered some nods and smiles, and saluted when expected, until he reached the communications room. Right as Rachel stepped into the doorway with her arms folded.
“You’re almost late. Get in here, double-time.”
The second he stepped in, the noise of the base became muffled. Once Rachel let the door close, it cut out completely.
A soundproof room, built for the most dangerous of conversations.
In the middle of the room was a desk with a decent chair. Open on it was a thick laptop with a large camera on a tripod on one side and a microphone on the other. “Sit.”
Her brevity startled Salim. Rachel only ever gave as much information as she wanted other people to have, but in this situation he could not fathom what this would be about. It made him nervous, despite the trust they had built over the last year.
He did sit, but he tilted his head back to give her a wary look as she came to stand behind him. “Rachel, what-?”
She leaned down, reaching over his shoulder, and struck a few keys on the laptop, changing the screen.
A grainy, slightly fuzzy form appeared on the monitor, but Salim would recognize that face no matter the resolution.
Zain’s pensive look immediately gave way to a bright, excited grin. “Baba!”
Salim moved so fast to pull the laptop closer he nearly knocked it flying off the table. “Zain! Oh, bless Allah.” He touched the edge of the screen, words sticking in his throat, emotions squeezing his heart, his lungs, his vocal chords.
Rachel stepped out quietly.
A year had changed his son. He was a bit broader in the shoulders, losing some of that boyish build. His hair was longer and flopped over his forehead in a style much more British than Iraqi. His clothing, too, spoke of it, a graphic t-shirt with some unfamiliar name across it tucked under a short-collared jacket. Salim thought he saw the hint of a gold earring in one ear.
But he looked healthy and whole.
“It’s been so long! Are you well? Are you safe?”
Eyes glistening, Salim nodded. He had to take a breath before he could speak. “I am. I am in a much better situation now than before. I cannot give you details, or tell you where I am. But I am one year closer to you.” One year closer to London. “Please tell me how you are. How is university? How are your auntie and uncle and your cousins?”
“Oh, university is amazing! I am learning so much here. And making so many friends, other students who really care—“ The light in his eyes was visible even through the fuzzy pixels. Zain shook himself before he went off on a ramble. “Auntie and everyone are just fine. Loud, but fine. They’ve been very kind to me.”
Every word brought tears of relief to Salim’s eyes until he had to wipe at them. “That makes me so happy to hear. I’m sure being in a house with so many people is far different from it being only the two of us, but make sure you are being gracious.”
He sniffled, trying to hold back his tears so he could enjoy this precious time with his son. But he couldn’t help his mind racing with so many thoughts, of all the things he wished he could tell Zain, but couldn’t.
Especially about Jason. He wanted Zain to know. He wanted to share the most important person in his life with the other most important.
The words did not come, though. He could not bear finally showing his heart to his son and the possibility that Zain would be upset. That Zain wouldn’t understand. That maybe he would yell. Or worse, that he might simply end the call.
So, as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek, he said instead, “I miss you so much.”
As it fell, Zain’s eyes got rounder and brighter, his voice rougher. “I miss you, too. I am doing my best to be helpful, I promise,” Zain insisted through a sniffle. “I help with the cooking and taking care of the lawn. My cousins, they are not so bad. I watch them for auntie and uncle some evenings, though Majid insists he is too grown for it. Inas likes my stories. Fadil, ah, I just try to keep him from sticking things he shouldn’t in his mouth.”
His voice wobbled more as he grew earnest. “I’ve been a good nephew. I haven’t been causing any trouble. And a good student! All A’s, both semesters.”
More tears welled up and Salim’s voice came out thick, but he smiled so widely. “I am so very proud of you. I knew that you could do it, Zain. You have always been so smart. I want to hear all about your classes, too. Are you enjoying them?”
He wiped his face and leaned forward, a man intent on every single word. Nothing else had even a shred of his attention.
“Oh, they are wonderful! I just finished Methods and Techniques in Biological Anthropology. I did not think I would care so much about all of the finicky scientific methods, but it was actually really fascinating —“ Zain started to ramble in his painfully familiar way, lighting up as he began to explain the experiments they did on identifying and dating bone samples.
It was a bittersweet, familiar activity. Every time Salim had come home from duty while Zain had been a boy, he’d always listened eagerly to Zain filling him in on the time he had missed. Just like this.
He both laughed and winced when Zain explained how one of his professors brought in the actual hand of a mummy to pass around and several students dropped the class afterward. He clucked his tongue softly when Zain shared how he’d gone to a few parties - but relaxed when Zain promised he hadn’t been that interested in trying anything too rebellious.
And he carefully schooled his expression when Zain said, “Oh, and I’ve gotten a few calls from Tariq!”
“Tariq?”
Zain shot him an unimpressed look that Salim could feel all the way from London. “Tariq, my best friend from next door? C’mon, Baba.” Shaking his head, Zain continued on, growing more earnest. “He’s moved into our house, you know. Please do not mind, I gave him permission. He’s taking care of it, and it’s helping him. He has a sweetheart. She was promised to someone else, but he died a while back in the war. They’re trying to convince her parents to approve the marriage; they are very traditional. So I told him to keep it, so he can say ‘look, I have a house for a family.’”
The news hit Salim so hard he simply stared at the screen for a long moment.
Tariq had made it back to Badra Mandali. And kept his word. And now was taking care of the home that had been all that Salim and Zain had had, once. They could never have it again, but Salim had dreamt of being back there a few times in the past year. He was technically without a true place to call home.
But someone they could trust and who deserved it could make it a new one. And raise a family there, just like Salim had raised Zain.
It overjoyed him. “I like the thought of that,” he said. “And he will also be right next to his mother. Any traditional parents would approve of that.”
Relief flooded his son’s face. “Exactly! I knew you would approve,” Zain said, his tone revealing how much he had been terrified he was wrong. It faded as his expression turned wistful. “He says the village is doing well. Americans came for a while and scared everyone, but he said he talked to the Americans and got everyone to play nice. I don’t know if he was just boasting, but… I think he was telling the truth. Now there are all sorts of archeologists in town, spending money. He’s too busy at the grocery to get into trouble.”
Perking up even more at that, Salim asked, “Archaeologists?” like he didn’t know exactly why they would be there. Like he didn’t know that Rana must be behind it, knowing where he was from.
He knew that he should not comment too much about it. He was not good at being deceptive, especially when it came to his son. But he did ask, “What have they found?”
Zain shrugged nonchalantly. “I haven’t been paying much attention. Some old ruins, I guess.”
It rolled off Zain’s tongue so easily Salim would almost believe it if he did not know his son. If he did not know how many hours he had played in the yard as a child, digging up squares of dirt and arranging chicken bones in them as if he had just discovered the skeleton of some unidentified beast. If he had not seen the way Zain had looked at Rana as if she had stolen all the breath from his lungs.
If he did not know how smart his boy was, play acting for the silent audience they no doubt had.
It reassured Salim that there was news about Rana and her new team. That meant that she was far safer than he’d feared. If she went missing people would notice. People near enough to do something about it.
“Ah,” was all he said, but Salim was positive that Zain would understand what was unspoken. He chuckled lightly. “It sounds like you are studying much more interesting things.”
“Oh, yes. Did I tell you I have an internship this summer?”
Their conversation went on like that, Zain trying to summarize a year as quickly as he could. It seemed all too soon when the screen flashed with a warning that they only had two minutes left.
Salim hated to do it but he cut Zain off. “Zain, I only have a couple more minutes. I don’t know when we’ll be able to speak again, but I will be praying it is far sooner this time.” There was regret behind every word, and a yearning so strong it brought tears to his eyes again.
He blinked hard to stall them, not wanting their last precious moments to go by like that. “I am so proud of you. Always.”
Distress brightened Zain’s dark eyes, but he clenched his jaw against tears, fighting as hard as his father. “I am working hard, Baba. I’m making the most of everything you gave me, I promise you.” His voice cracked. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. I am fighting every day to get to you. I will be there before we know it.” Even if it still felt so far away. Getting back to his son would always drive Salim forward, through anything. Through whatever monsters he had to face. Through any hell. He would never stop.
“I’m counting the days,” Zain said, swallowing hard. “Stay safe, Baba. Please. More than anything, keep yourself safe.”
The warning flashed again, beginning to count down.
It was a promise Salim could not make, but he said, “I will try. I will always be trying to make it there to you.”
There were so many more things he wanted to say. But the video feed froze and then disconnected.
Salim closed his eyes, taking a long, deep, shuddering breath. When he opened them again his lashes were wet.
Someone cleared their throat from the doorway behind him.
“Hey.” A warm, familiar hand found his shoulder. Salim did not need to turn to imagine the pinched brow nor the downward pull of Jason’s lips. “How’s the kid?”
He wanted to take hold of Jason’s hand so badly. To lean into his touch. To be able to turn around in his chair and press his face into Jason’s chest and take comfort from his lover.
But he had to hold it all in.
Salim sniffled, rubbing his face. “He’s doing well. He’s making good grades and loves his classes. He’s happy.” It was everything he could ask for.
“Fuck yeah.” Crude as the words were, Jason said them with a gentle cheer, a quiet acknowledgment of the sorrow underpinning Salim’s joy. “Sounds like he is making the most of it.”
“He is. It was very good to see him. To get to know what he has been up to.” Looking at the now greyed-out screen, Salim drew in a breath, then stood up. It forced Jason’s hand off his shoulder, even as Salim looked apologetic for it.
He tipped his head down toward the laptop. “Are you having a call soon?”
Jason grimaced, flopping into the now vacated seat like a teenager called to the principal’s office. “Yeah, apparently. Wonder if someone died this time or they just remembered I’m still missing somewhere.”
Wincing, Salim’s hand twitched up like he was about to reach for Jason’s. He caught himself, though, by reaching for the laptop and turning it toward his boyfriend. “Is it always your eldest sister who reaches out? I’m sorry, I don’t remember her name.” Softer, he added, “You rarely speak about them.”
“Not much to talk about.” Jason pushed the laptop screen back and then forward again to the exact same place it had been. “I guess we’ll see. Dunno why they tapped Suzie last time. Maybe they’ll think better this time around, but Rach made me promise not to yell either way, so.”
“Suzie,” Salim said to himself. There was a moment of silence as he watched Jason, wishing he could stay with him to offer whatever support he could.
But then an icon of a phone appeared on the screen. So he placed his hand on Jason’s shoulder as if bracing himself while he stretched his legs. Lightly, he rubbed his thumb back and forth, just once, before he pulled away. “I hope it is a good call.”
His reluctance to leave was thick in his voice. But he went, leaving Jason to face this.
Jason stared at the icon as it pulsed, steeling himself. Deep breath in. Full breath out. He had been to war against creatures millenia old. He could handle his own damn family.
Or so he hoped.
When he connected to the call it was just a grainy image that vaguely looked like a kitchen or maybe a dining room. There was nobody in frame, but then the image jolted, delayed, and suddenly his youngest older sister was there. She looked anxious, looking at her own screen with a rumple in her brow.
But then her eyes widened. She covered her mouth. “Jason!”
“Maggie.” The fight Jason had been preparing for went out of him all at once. He sagged forward towards the screen, bracing both arms on the table. “Hey. How’s it going?”
She made a choked sound, wiped her eyes, and then dropped her face into her hands. “‘How’s it going?!’” She pushed them up into her mousey brown hair, palms pressing on her temples. “It’s been hell trying to figure out what’s happened to you.”
“Yeah, well, don’t imagine you’re going to have much luck there. Best if you don’t, actually.” Jason attempted a smile for her, but it came out crooked. It fell just as quick.
It made her frown, worry written all over her features. And it made her look a lot like Jason. “They won’t even tell us where you are, just that you’re out of Iraq. Are you alright?”
They had always looked alike, taking after their mother - a trio of pine martens in a family of golden blondes and bright blue eyes. Maybe that had subconsciously been the reason that, out of all his siblings, Jason had chosen to hang onto Maggie the most. “I’m fine, Mags. Doing what I signed up to do.”
Rolling his shoulders caused the scars on his chest to tingle. He tried not to think about what she would think, should she ever see them. “So how’s the mess back home?”
The concern didn’t leave her face, but Maggie huffed a sigh. “You mean ‘how’s our family?’” From Suzie there would be annoyance in the question. But from Maggie there was almost a hint of amusement, like she secretly agreed they were all a mess. “Everyone is getting by. Jo had her daughter last month… wait, did you know she was pregnant?”
The pang in his heart was sharp, but Jason brushed it off like he always did. “I don’t know shit,” he answered with a shrug. “Did she now? Guess she and that blockhead finally got married then?” In a wedding he had definitely not been invited to. Not after the last one.
Pressing her lips together, the memories obviously flooding over her, too, Maggie nodded. “Just at the courthouse. Nothin’ big or fancy. You know Jo. She wore jeans and boots.” She paused, rubbing her shoulder. “I don’t think there’s much else awfully new. Jeff’s still working at that creepy lighthouse, but he likes it. Bonnie’s been helping dad at home- oh. Daddy had to have back surgery.”
The edges of Jason’s eyes tightened at the mention of their father. For a second he looked past the laptop, glaring at the blank wall beyond. Then it passed and Jason turned his attention back to his sister, really focusing on her. Seeing the anxiety in her eyes, each nervous twitch.
“Huh,” was all he said to the announcement, before taking a deep breath. They had limited time and he did not want to spend it talking about their father. “ — Mags. I gotta say somethin’, and I know I ought t’have said it a long time ago.”
Another breath as he pulled his hat off his head and set it aside so she could see his whole face. Things like this shouldn’t be said with a hat on. “… I’m real fucking sorry about your wedding.” He got through that, at least, while looking her in the eye. Then his gaze darted away, unable to bear waiting to see her reaction. “I was real fucked up about comin’ back from college and seein’ Papa and everybody, and I — excuses don’t matter. What does is that you deserved a brother treating you right on your wedding day, and I sure didn’t. I know it don’t fix nothin’, but… I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that none.”
There was a long pause. Long enough Jason feared that the connection may have cut off, that maybe Maggie didn’t hear him. But then he heard a sharp inhale, a sniffle, and Maggie started laughing softly. She had her head ducked down, hair falling over her face, hiding it for a moment until she sniffed again and looked up. She let the tears on her cheeks show freely. She’d never been afraid to show all of her emotions, always the most tender-hearted in the family.
“Thank you,” she said. “I wasn’t mad at you, you know that, right? All this time. I’ve only ever been worried about you. But it means the world to me to hear you say that.” She pulled a tissue from somewhere to dab at her eyes before another breathless, emotional giggle escaped her.
“Really? I figured you were more heated than oil in a fryer. You deserved to be.” Jason’s own voice hitched as he struggled to keep tears behind his lashes. The last thing he had felt after his meltdown had been worried about, but he had to acknowledge he hadn’t looked for it neither.
"Really. I wasn’t. I wish I knew what’s happened to you. You look different.”
Scrubbing at his eyes, Jason searched for what he could say. “I — got clean. Obviously. Turns out I’m real good at bein’ a Marine, Mags. And when you’re good at this kinda crap, they throw you right in the shitter. Things went sideways for a while. Lotta — lotta good men died.” Their faces swam into his mind, and he couldn’t blame himself for the tear that fell in memory. “I got close to it a few times myself. Can’t say things won’t go haywire again. But I got good people now. I gotta family here looking out for me.”
It might have been the connection wavering. It was difficult to tell with how shitty the connection was. But Maggie’s lip looked like it quivered. She wiped her eyes again. “Good. That’s- I’m real glad to know that.” And then she spilled over, a sob breaking through. “I hate knowing you thought I was angry all this time. That breaks my heart. I was angry at Suzie more than anyone, for having you thrown out. That was way over the top. I wanted to reach out to you but you’d enlisted by the time I got back from my honeymoon, and the attack happened in New York while I was away, too, and…” She stopped to gasp a breath, shaking her head. “If I’ve ever been angry at you about anything, it’s that you were just gone when I got home.”
She dropped her head, shoulders shaking as she cried harder. “I’m so proud of you, you asshole.” Her voice came out a whine, high-pitched, pushed out through her tears. “And I miss you so much.”
There was no stopping his tears now. Jason choked on his next syllable, and it came out a shaky sob. “Fuck. I miss you too, Maggie. I wish — god dammit. I’m just sorry. For everything.” His shoulders hitched, rising up to his ears. In the back of his mind, he blamed Salim for encouraging him to be more open with his emotions, not just bottling them up until they leaked out around the cork.
They cried together for what felt like hours, but in reality was only a couple of minutes. Maggie managed to go through five more tissues before she finally calmed down enough to talk again. “Why’d they make it so hard to get in contact with you? We know you’re force recon but can’t we still write you letters? Shouldn’t you be coming home soon?”
“It’s real complicated. I can’t say much more than that.” Raking his fingers through his hair, Jason navigated every lecture he had ever gotten about confidential information before speaking again. “I got an extension. Three more years on the contract. I don’t know if we’ll ever get to a point we can do letters. But — wouldn’t mind a call like this, whenever they let you.”
“Three-?” As she processed that, Maggie’s face fell into despair, but she clenched her eyes shut this time to hold back her tears as best she could. “You’ve already been gone three years.” It was defeated, the way she said it, and she shook her head. “But you must love it if you signed up for more. I’m sorry. I just… I worry about you every single day.”
She looked upward, blinking several times, before looking back at him on the screen. “When I said you look different, I meant it in a good way. Except you seem tired. But your eyes are bright again. Like you’re finally happier.”
“I am tired,” Jason admitted, because who could he admit that to if not her? He drew his hand down his face, bottom lip threatening to quiver again. “‘Love it’ is a stretch. But I… found some good here. A purpose. And… maybe even a future. I got a place to go after this, Mags. Might even have a job.” He wiped his now sweaty palms on the thick fabric of his pants, his laugh thin and nervous. “If I can just make it another three years.”
Maggie looked miserable when he said that, glaring at him. “You’re going to,” she insisted, and the demand in her voice like it was an order sounded so much like him. “And then you’re going to go wherever it is you have lined up, because we all know you’re not coming back here. And I’m going to come see you.”
Emotion hit Jason like a roundhouse kick. It was all he could do not to blubber in response. Instead he fell back on his training, straightening and giving her a sharp salute. “Yes, ma’am.” His countenance immediately softened. “I’d like that. A lot. Got some people I’d like you to meet.”
One person in particular, but he could not say that on a monitored line.
“If you consider them family, I really want to meet them, too,” Maggie said, breaking through her sorrow at last to offer him a wibbly smile. She’d foregone any tissues now, instead leaning forward. “I know I have so much to tell you but I can’t think of any of it knowing we only have a little bit to talk. Can you tell me what this job is that you might have lined up?”
“You probably won’t believe this,” Jason answered, rubbing the back of his neck. “I hardly do myself. But got a friend promising me an art job the second she can get me to sign on a dotted line.” The memory of Rana’s insistence and their handshake made him smile. “Apparently I draw historical shit real well, and she’s dying for illustrators that can draw a half-decent clay pot.”
The surprise on Maggie’s face was so clear even through the grainy pixels. “I thought you were finished doing art,” she gasped, before an absolutely brilliant grin crossed her face. “Jason! That’s so damn cool! That’s what you always wanted!” She clearly was bursting with questions but seemed to know he wouldn’t be able to answer most of them, so she simply smiled at him. “Mama would be so happy to know that you’re back at it.”
The lump in Jason’s throat grew bigger. “I hope she would. Sure wasn’t making her proud for a long time there.” Not having any tissues, he had to wipe his nose on his jacket sleeve. “Would you believe it’s my unit that got me back into it? They’ve been real supportive. If I don’t show off something every once in a while they start to bug me.”
“Well, shit, if I’d know all along that bullying you gets you to do it more I would’a been doing that for years,” Maggie huffed, but her smile didn’t go anywhere. “I like the sound of your unit. I definitely want to meet them. Thank them for looking after you.”
“Yeah, I’ll let them know. I hope you’ll get to tell them yourself someday.” He knew it would end up with them all telling embarrassing stories about him, but after this conversation, he did not think he would mind.
The timer popped up at the bottom of the screen.
“Shit, I only got two minutes left, Mags.”
She very obviously warred with herself, trying not to cry, but ultimately failing. “I better get to talk to you again soon. Please, Jason, make it out of wherever you are.”
“I’ll do my damndest.” Swallowing back his own tears — he’d have plenty of time for those later — he forced himself to keep talking. “If I don’t, look, Uncle Sam owes me a shitton of money. You’re supposed to get my pension and everything I own if I go out. That’s been the case since the start. But the extra, half’s supposed to go to a family in Iraq and the other half to a kid in London. Please make sure that happens. Please.”
She looked startled and crumpled over the very thought of something happening to him. But she managed to nod, vigorously, and said something that Jason thought was a warbled, “I will, I swear.”
And just before the connection clipped off, far more clearly, she said, “I love you.”
The words were half out of his mouth when Jason realized the screen was grey. He choked on it until all that came out was a whine.
The tears rushed, hot and heavy. He burrowed his face in his arms, not caring who heard him sob.
It was not long before strong, broad arms embraced him from behind. Jason knew they didn’t belong to Salim, but they were still familiar.
“Let it out, Jay,” Nick murmured. “I closed the door. It’s all good.”
Jason shuddered in his grasp, cries wracking his body for another good minute before he managed to calm enough to think. “Shit, y-you’ve — your mama, yeah? I should go—“
But Nick pressed him back down when Jason tried to break free to stand. “You’re not gonna say hello to my mama? Don’t make me report you for conduct unbefitting a lieutenant.” He dragged over another chair and settled down next to Jason, arm slung across his best friend’s shoulders.
The phone icon started to pulse as Jason frantically rubbed his face with his shemagh, trying to clean himself up before the worried face of Nick’s mother appeared on the screen.
“Nick! Jason!”
Jason dropped the shemagh and quickly smiled. “Hey, Mrs. Kay.”
“Hey, ma,” Nick greeted, leaning in close so they were both in the frame. There was a tightness in his voice that was so faint nobody would notice it if they didn’t know him extremely well. But Jason did. And so did his mother.
She placed her hand over her heart and waved a hand in the air. “Don’t you get me started. It’s so good to see you both. You even look like you’ve actually been eating.”
“Got us a messman who acts like he outranks us the second it’s mealtime,” Jason answered, trying valiantly not to sniffle. “You’d approve.”
“I do approve. You both were getting too skinny, you especially.” She leaned towards the screen herself, studying each pixel. “Are you boys safe?”
Nick glanced sideways at Jason, then back to the screen. “As we can be,” he replied. It was as much of the truth he could give without her knowing any of the details. “About to be sent into the field again, but you know how I told you last time we spoke that we have a good team? We’re even stronger now.”
Mrs. Kay pressed her hand to her heart once more, though the anxiety did not completely leave her face. “That’s a blessing. You take care of them and they take care of you; that’s gonna be your best chance to get through this.”
Hand slipping so he could grip Jason’s shoulder and shake him gently, brotherly, Nick nodded. “That’s exactly what we’re doing, don’t worry.” He flashed a smile that his mother returned, then asked, “Tell us what’s up in Chicago.”
The conversation was pleasant and far less emotional, with Nick and his mother bantering throughout, until the timer appeared. They made their goodbyes, Nick making sure to leave his mother on a bright note.
As the screen went grey, he looked to Jason. “Got your breath back?”
“Yeah.” Jason leaned in a moment longer, knocking their shoulders against one another. His smile was small, but it came easily. “You’re a good man, Nick.”
As he clambered to his feet, the door opened again, revealing Palmer. The presence of other people startled him out of what seemed to be deep thoughts. “Oh, hey.”
Clapping his hand on Palmer’s shoulder, Jason found another smile for him. “Gonna have your whole crew on the line, you think?”
“I hope so.” Eagerness radiated from Palmer. He stepped in further when Nick stood and offered him his chair. “I can’t wait to see my abuela.I asked Agent King if they can send us care packages now that we’re not underground anymore and she said she’d see what she can do. You all just wait until a package from my family gets to us. We’ll be so spoiled.”
Nick chuckled, folding his arms across his chest. “We’ll have to see about that. My ma knits.”
Palmer scoffed. “You think my Mexican grandmother doesn’t knit, sew, crochet, quilt- oh, they’re calling!”
“We’re going, we’re going!”
As Jason and Nick darted out, they heard excited cries of welcome in Spanish.
Jason’s heart raced for an entirely different reason. “Care packages might be allowed, huh?” It had never been anything Jason had gotten — his own part of Mrs. Kay’s boxes aside. He twisted his fingers together. “Maggie did talk about wanting to write letters.”
Watching his best friend as they walked through the base, Nick didn’t probe. He knew already that Jason speaking to any of his siblings was a huge deal. This was as much as he’d ever heard Jason say about them - let alone show excitement about having contact. So he stretched his arms above his head while he grinned. “Hey, then you could send her some of your drawings.”
“Yeah, I think she might like that. She always was the supportive one. ‘Sides Mama, of course.” Jason stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching the foot traffic pass on the way back to their barracks. “Definitely a better chat than last time.”
Perking up with curiosity, Nick tilted his head. “Yeah? I wasn’t sure when I came in. But that’s great, man. I know having to go right down into that hellhole after the last call you got was hard.”
They walked a bit further and only after it had been several minutes since another person had passed them did Nick say, “Bet it feels a little weird looking forward to heading out this time, huh?”
“Weird as hell. But it feels like I’m a dog about to get out of the pound.” It was going to be everything he could do to keep from rolling around in the nearest patch of grass. “You hear we’re apparently gonna be getting cabins? Sounds like we’re gonna be doing some fancy camping.”
There was a spark of something excited in Nick’s gaze. “I heard.” He dropped his arms just so he could elbow Jason - they both knew why. “They’re gonna have beds. Real beds. I might be willing to face off with a vampire again for that.”
“Like with a mattress and everything?” Jason sighed with completely genuine dramatics. “I’ll take on any moon-dog they wanna throw at me, if I get a mattress, some sunlight, and a bit of privacy.”
Nick chuckled. “I know you didn’t just list those in order of priority.” He paused in their walk, leaning casually back against the wall. It was easier to keep an eye out for anyone coming from either direction that way. “After what we’ve been up against, how bad could some fleabags be, anyway?”
“Man, don’t jinx us.” Stopping as well, Jason heard Maggie’s voice in his head. He had to stay alive. “I wonder if Jeremy’s bitten Eric’s leg back off yet.”
Pursing his lips in a more serious way, Nick murmured, “He better not. Eric just got a new one. Did you know it takes months for them to make one that fits him specifically? Kim made him gain, like, twelve pounds or something before they could even get started, since he lost weight while we were underground.”
They all had. But in the months they’d been at the base they had all gained it back, stronger than ever.
“Didn’t realize it was that big a deal,” Jason answered, frowning thoughtfully. That explained why Eric had been regulated to crutches for a good portion of the time they had been on base. “They only give him the one? We’ll have to make sure to keep it on him, this time around.”
“I think there’s, like, a cast involved or something like that. So he could have another made if he really needed to, but they’re expensive as fuck, and Uncle Sam will only pay for one at a time.” Nick sneered for a second before schooling his face.
“So he’s shit out of luck if something happens to this one? Fuck. All that training about redundant critical equipment was bullshit, apparently.” Jason huffed out an irritated breath before shaking his head free of the frustration. “Let’s make sure we pack those crutches for him, just in case.”
“Oh, Rach and I are already on it. We’ve got backups for our backups in case some shit happens.” He scuffed his boot on the floor. “Even then, Eric knows how to get himself around with or without.”
“Glad to hear it.” Jason swung his arms down and back, stretching his shoulders. He could feel the thoughts building in his brain, leaving him antsy. “You got plans? I might go for a run before dinnertime hits.”
“I could go for a run. We should pick up Mosson, too, at least. Let him get some of that full moon energy out. He’s even crabbier than usual this time.” Nick pushed off the wall, turning back the way they had come.
“Can you blame the guy? We’re about to head into his personal nightmare.” Falling into step with Nick, they headed back towards the barracks. “Do you know if he got a call? He’s good with his parents, yeah?”
A shrug was Nick’s response. “I think he’s said he has a sister? Or maybe that was Theo. I haven’t seen him yet today, though. We’re gonna have to keep an eye on him.”
“Theo’s got a sister,” Jason answered confidently. “Jeremy is an only kid.” His brow pinched as they stepped out a pair of doors, crossed a walkway, and entered the small building their unit had been posted up in. Mosson wasn’t in the common area, nor in the bunks.
Elliott was there, though, napping, but his head lifted when Nick and Jason stepped in. He blinked tiredly at them. “M’I needed for anything?” He yawned, but siat up, ready to do whatever was asked of him.
“Nah, at ease, Marine. You seen Jeremy, though? Haven’t seen him since I gave him the day this mornin’.” When he had done so, he had not expected the young man to up and disappear, though he supposed it was within his rights.
There was a flicker across Elliott’s face, but it was gone in a second. He nodded. “He had an appointment to talk to someone in psych.” Glancing at his watch, he added, “But he should be done soon. Do you want me to send him to you?”
Relief chased the tension from Jason’s shoulders. “Nah, just checking in on him. Nicky and I are gonna head for a run. Tell him he’s welcome to join us, if he’s up to it.”
Elliott let out a wry laugh. “It’d be the third he’s gone on today, but I’ll let him know. I have no idea how we’re going to feed him when we’re out of here and he doesn’t have access to meals around the clock.”
A grimace crossed Jason’s face. “Shit, that’s honestly a good point. I’m no Sun-Hi, but I’m pretty sure we were underfeeding him down below.”
“Let me talk to Rachel and we’ll see if we can’t get him some extra rations,” Nick said, clapping Jason on the shoulder.
“If he heard us talking like this he would grumble so much,” Elliott laughed, the sound soft like he was trying to hold it in. “I bet the only reason he didn’t start gnawing on sticks before was the lack of access to them. You have no idea how hard it’s been for Antonio and I not to throw one of our boots to see if he’d fetch it.”
“If you did, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be getting it back,” Jason answered with a laugh. He grew serious the next moment. “Honestly, though. How’s he holding up with all of this? I know it’s a big ask.”
A pinch appeared on Elliott’s brow. “He’s been trying really hard to act like nothing is different, but he has nightmares every night. Has for a few weeks. Not like the ones the rest of us have. He… cries in his sleep. We don’t wake him up, so he may not remember them.”
“Hell.” Jason scrubbed his hand over his face.
“You should go talk with him, Jay,” Nick said, only to get a disbelieving scoff in return.
“Me? We remember how great I was at handling things with you, don’t we?”
“And you’ve since gotten your head out of your ass - which I’m saying to you as your best friend. Even when it was lodged in there you still always had my back and made sure I knew it.” Nick set his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Remind Mo it’s the same with him.”
“Ugh. Fine, fine. Raincheck on that run, then.” Jason lifted his hat just long enough to run his fingers through his hair. “Theo, tell Jeremy I’ll be in the officer’s bunk when he’s back. He’s got permission to come in to find me.”
“Yes, sir.” Elliott looked to Nick, rising to his feet. “I’ll join you if you want the company.”
“Yeah, let’s do it. See you, Jay.” Nick held out his fist toward Jason.
“See ya.” Jason bumped their knuckles together in a now familiar ritual. They parted ways at the door, Jason heading deeper into the building. When he reached the door labeled ‘Private’, he pushed it open with his shoulder, letting himself slump now that there was no one to see it.
If a few more tears leaked out, well. Best it happened behind closed doors.