Chapter Text
"So it failed?" Dick states to Jason, pointedly looking away from Jason because Dick knows he's embarrassed.
"Yes it fucking failed! The guy is far too in love and too obsessed with the guy." Jason groused, annoyed at his gentle attempt of speaking to Tim failed.
"Plan B?" Dick offers to try and make Jason feel better.
"How on earth is everyone ambushing the guy going to make him suddenly realize that he should dump the guy he's in love with?" Jason protests the stupidity of Plan B.
"If it's a tag-team event, I'm sure it's gonna sink in," Dick defends himself and his plans.
Jason scoffs, "Or it's just gonna push him more towards the guy as everyone else is hating on his boyfriend?
"Tim is more logical than that?" Dick argues.
"The man is obsessed, if it was just love it would be easy to deal with, obsession is way harder," Jason retorts.
"Well your plan didn't work, there is no way we can make it that outside factors did it, the guy is way too tech savvy," Dick says gesturing his hands, "I just need him to get away from this guy! He has his calendar, monitors his meals and his schedule? He doesn't appear in cameras?I bet Tim has given him open access to his place too." Dick groans pulling his hands to his face.
"Woah calm down there Eldest Daughter, the guy while stupid is not that stupid," Jason defends.
"Isn't he? Think about his relationship ideals, he named Bruce and Selina, or his parents, or his dad and his step mom? Or even me and starfire, or me and Babs?" Dick finishes slightly hysterically.
"…this kid never had a fucking chance," Jason realizes in real time.
"So do you understand why if you talking to him failed, why we all need to? I don't want my brother to get hurt or worse from this. We all know how stalkers escalate and clearly the guy already has holy shit, he's probably living with the guy who knows what else?" Dick throws his hands up both for the drama but to emphasize his point.
"How the hell are you even gonna get him to go anywhere and keep the stalker uninformed?" Jason questions, still not buying in but he wants to know logistics.
"We'll do it before patrol, I can say that I need his help for a very specific reason and it needs to be in the cave. Then we can try and talk some sense into him and then come up with a plan to get rid of the stalker." Dick plans.
"Listen, the stalker already knows about the time blocks, are we sure that he would leave it alone?" Jason still doesn't see how the guy doesn't figure out something's up.
"I'll just tell Tim I wanna grab dinner before patrol, and bribe him with a fun case, I've heard some whispers about a potential new guy on the scene and I've been looking into it but haven't been able to find anything. Tim will be all over that."
"And he won't suspect anything since this is the kind of shit you pull on the regular." Jason concludes.
"Not true!" Dick argues.
"Dick what the fuck am I doing here right now? You said something about a shipment and then when I got here, you physically would not let me leave." Jason exclaims still frustrated.
"Okay but if it worked on you, it's guaranteed to work on him." Dick counters.
"Fuck you're right."
"Yup, now eat your muffin, I had to negotiate with Duke to get it."
"Kid's a shark."
"I still came out on top, I got Damian's portion of the lemon bars next week."
"How the fuck, I still owe him half of my coffee supply for the next 3 batches!"
"Like you said, Duke is a shark."
Meanwhile:
"Your brother is an idiot did he forget about the bugs you planted at his place?" Danny questions.
Tim puts his fingers to his forehead and rubs it, "You know I think it's purposely forgetting at this point. Like everytime it comes up he acts shocked, but my guy it's been like this for years."
"We fucking with them?" Danny states.
"Absolute-fucking-ly." Tim confirms.
A few days later Tim agrees to meet Dick before patrol, Dick dangling a new player on the scene and Tim needed to know for the laughs but was also slightly curious.
They grabbed burritos and ate in Dick's car, after he picked Tim up from work.
"I'm telling you it's bizarre! There is this person supposedly stealing cheese from grocery stores and people's homes. They stole cheese from some Italian restaurants that allegedly have ties to some families and they are pissed," Dick rants.
"You're making this up."
"No I'm dead serious, why did that make you laugh?"
"No reason but seriously, you're telling me that the 'new player' is allegedly stealing cheese and supposedly pissing off the mob?"
"I couldn't make this up even if I want to."
"Are you doing alright Dick? Like I know you've been stressed but…"
"I am not crazy!"
"You sound kind of crazy."
"I will show you proof, come to the cave, I uploaded all of this into the computer."
"How the fuck did I not find this, you literally sound insane."
"I put it under a different category so you being nosey wouldn't find it."
"Smart for once."
"Thanks, wait hey!"
Tim snickers, "I was planning to go back to my place before patrol but now I gotta see this."
"I'm telling you, once you see everything you'll believe me."
"I sincerely doubt that."
Tim sends a single text off pressing a button on his watch and settles in to be driven to the cave. Dick and Tim arguing the entire time about music or who would win, Batman vs 30 toddlers. They eventually decided that one would look at Bruce cutely and he would fold faster than a house of cards.
They get to the cave and when Dick parks, he turns and looks at Tim, "Please have an open mind, we really care about you."
"Dick what?" But then the door to Tim's side opens and he gets dragged out of the car.
"Steph, what the fuck?!?!" Tim yelps.
"Ex-boyfriend we're here today to talk to you about your current boyfriend, who I was just informed existed approximately 2 days ago what the fuck?!?" Steph retorts.
Tim looks away from Steph and looks up, to see…everyone surrounding the computer, who've turned to look at Tim solemnly. Tim notices a banner, that reads 'Intervention' which looks weirdly warped and stained.
Dick walks up behind them and hisses, "The fuck happened to the banner?!?? It was suppose to say Timervention!," to Steph.
"Dude you don't even wanna know, the bats got to it."
"What."
"Bruce is still kind of shaken," she gestures to Bruce where Cass is patting Bruce's shoulder reassuringly. Wait a second, Cass?!?! She was suppose to be on vacation in Greece, she told Tim that finds the islands soothing.
"Cass? What are you doing here?!?!" Tim yells, rushing over to hug her. She hugs him back and lightly taps his head, "You're boyfriend scares them."
"What boyfriend?" Tim is not going to make this easy for them.
"Don't even try that baby bird, if I've been stuck hearing about your shitty boyfriend for weeks, then you gotta acknowledge that he's real. I have not been forcibly dragged here to not cram into your tiny skull that your boyfriend is terrible for you and you need to dump him," Jason growls.
"Dude wtf I didn't even know Tim had a boyfriend until this morning,"Duke complains.
"Dude we talk about it all the time on patrol…oh," Steph trails off.
"Yeah oh! I'm day shift!!!! Ffs, Tim I have no idea what's going on but I side with you!" Duke hollers.
"I appreciate the unconditional support! You can have my next 2 portions of cookies," Tim promises solemnly.
"Wait a moment you plebian, if you promise Thomas your portion, he will have amassed them all for the next 2 months!" Damian chimed in with a peeved look on his face.
"Damian, if you support me; I will make it worth your wile," Tim offers.
"Grayson has told tales of distrust and fears that do speak of unnecessary risk. Of course you would be so unwise to allow-"
"I'll give you my cinnamon rolls for the next 3 months." Tim once again offers a bribe.
"Grayson he clearly knows what he's doing, Grandfather would not admire him if there wasn't a reason for it." Damian immediately agrees.
"Damn lovesick boy is good," Jason can't help but admire.
"NOT THE POINT JASON! Tim, we're all so worried, you are clearly obsessed with this boy and it's clouding your judgment," Dick interrupts.
"You gave him access to your calendar, to your food intake, to your home, hell I think you moved him in without telling anyone."
"Tim, sweetheart, you have a boyfriend? And you didn't tell me?!" Bruce further interrupts and looks at Tim in surprise and sadness.
"B-"
"Yeah Timmers, why didn't you tell him?" Jason eggs on the tension.
"I didn't wanna tell you until it was serious!"
"Sweetheart, you gave him access to your calendar, I know what a big deal that was to you, I barely got access to it not that long ago," Bruce responds looking even more distraught.
"No! Everyone has access to it, you just didn't add it!" Tim says with an innocent look on his face.
"I didn't?" Bruce now looks horrified at himself.
"You didn't, I was so sad that you didn't have mine but you have everyone else's but I still consider myself to be a part of the family so I added it. I figured that since you never said anything that it was okay?" Tim says in a quieter tone.
"I don't know how I missed that son, I am so sorry," Bruce says walking over to hug Tim who happily takes the hug.
"How the fuck is this working?" Jason mutters.
"Tim's the favourite." Cass states and everyone nods.
Bruce pulls back and pats Tim's head and Tim leans into the patting. "So what's this about a boyfriend?"
"Fine, I have a boyfriend, his name is Danny and I really like him! He's really smart, he's at Gotham U on a full scholarship in engineering! He's also really kind and sweet! We meet when his class did a tour of WI, and he caught the coffee cup I dropped. We've been friends and then in a relationship ever since!" Tim chatters, happy to gush about his boyfriend.
Steph nudges Cass, "Is any of that true?"
"Yes."
"Which parts."
"…"
"Siblings over misters."
"Who?"
"You're the mister."
"Oh," Steph blushes and stops talking.
"Yo blondie shut it, I wanna hear how Tim successfully manipulates Bruce," Jason interjects.
"Rude," Cass responds instead.
"Sorry Cass," Jason apologizes and she nods in acceptance.
"Honestly I do not understand what the big deal is, Drake's partner is just courting in a similar style of one like the League. Many a time Mother would tell me tales of how many couples wooed each other," Damian confidently announces.
"Oh Baby Bat! We must compare notes! I wanna know if Danny is taking inspiration from somewhere!" Tim exclaims in delight.
"Your knowledge is lacking, did Grandfather not inform you of the steps and courtship process?" Damian questions.
"Hold up, why would your grandfather be briefing Tim on this?" Dick states calmly, making everyone take a step back in fear.
"Why he's been trying to court him for months? You never said no so he keeps trying, you really need to let him down gracefully. It's almost embarrassing for both of you at this point." Damian admits with a wince on his face.
Suddenly a hooded figure pops into the cave and darts over to Tim holding a…cell phone? The figure presses something and a voice starts to speak, "Grandson, you are clearly misinformed, your information networks are lacking, you should improve on them in haste."
"Oh hey Ra's," Tim greets as everyone starts yelling and sputtering.
"Detective, I want to clarify, I am not courting you, anymore. Your partner has made it clear that you are beyond my reach henceforth. He does remind me of my younger self, so protective of my partners. However I do hope we may continue to chat and duel against each other," Ra's says in a smug tone.
"Sweetheart, your partner spoke with Ra's? I thought you said he was a normal person?" Bruce questions, concerned for his son's beloved partner.
"I am," Another voice echoes in the cave, and a figure appears beside Tim. The man is beautiful, almost ethereal. He is tall, almost a foot taller than Tim, well built and clearly has a air of power to him.
"Hi I'm Danny, it's nice to meet you all," Danny says cheerfully and goes to shake Bruce's hand.
"It's nice to meet you son, Tim all you had to say was that you were dating a meta, I understand the secrecy now. I support you as you can take care of my boy and anyone's better than Bernard fellow," Bruce wrinkles his nose in distaste at the memory of Tim's ex-boyfriend.
"Babe, who's Bernard?" Danny questions, with a weird glint in his eyes.
"We'll talk about it later love," Tim promises.
"We better," Danny agrees.
"Ah young Danny! It's good to hear from you again!" Ra's says in a slightly nervous tone.
"Ra's what did I say about bothering my boyfriend?" Danny questions in an unbothered tone.
"I needed to interject and defend myself before I got the likes of his associates bothering me," Ra's defends himself.
"I will grant you that. Now Ra's you have your time booked, you can check his calendar later," Danny reproaches him.
"Ra's had access to your calendar before I did?" Bruce interrupts again genuinely upset now.
"No dad, it was just a mixup!" Tim reassures.
"Okay, I trust you," Bruce nods.
"Genuinely how is he doing that?" Duke now complains.
"Tim is the favourite," Cass repeats.
"I will concede to your spouse Detective," Ra's agrees.
"Not married!!! I want to say we're not married!" Tim chimes before Bruce lost it and burst into tears at the thought of missing his son's wedding.
"Partner, spouse, modern language is too much," Ra's complains, "Now if you ever want to, just let me know and I will let you marry in the ways of the league. They may fit your customs better than your modern ones."
"We will discuss and get back to you," Tim offers after making eye contact and nodding with Danny.
The ninja immediately ducks out of the cave and everyone walks it rapidly depart.
"I cannot believe that everyone is genuinely falling for this." Jason yells out to break the silence.
"JASON, if you let this go and be on my side, you can get my portion of the fudge and Rice Krispies for the next 2 months."
"Alfred never makes Rice Krispies, I've begged him for years."
"Oh he does and he just makes them for me, are you willing to risk this offer expiring?"
Everyone is staring at the two of them, until Jason swallows and says, "The kid knows what he's doing, give it up Dick."
"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ALL FELL FOR THIS, TIM IS AT RISK HERE!" Dick explodes.
"Dick, I'm okay, I'm happy and we take care of each other, trust me this time?" Tim says to him woefully, and ducks into Danny, who wraps an arm around him and glares at Dick.
Dick's heart drops and he realizes if everyone is against him like this, there is no way that he's gonna win here.
"Fine baby bird, I trust you, but I don't trust him," Dick concedes.
"I will take that! Danny come on, I changed our plans for this but we can still make the rest of the evening!" Tim turns and chatters at Danny who is looking at Tim with a soft indulgent look on his face.
"Whatever you want love," Danny pulls Tim into a full embrace and then the two disappear.
"…so what just happened?" Duke questions to the quiet cave.
"Tim won here in a way that was honestly impressive."
"Shut up Steph," Dick mutters.
"How did you pull that off? Genuinely, I am baffled that you got everyone on your side." Danny wonders in awe of his partner.
"Alfred owes me so many favours and baked goods, man is a secret gambling addict," Tim laughs.
"Incredible, you're a wonder Polaris," Danny exclaims in delight.
"And you are as well love," Tim says.
"Now, who's Bernard and do I need to make his life unpleasant?"
"Before we talk about that, is there a ghost who's whole thing is about cheese?"
"Ugh, Dairy King."
"What."
"Its a long story."
"Well we're both in for the long haul, so feel free to get started."