Chapter Text
"I have a surprise," Buck confessed after swallowing his last bite of French toast. Tommy looked up from checking his phone, a slight smile appearing on his face at Buck's plain excitement. But it didn't quite reach his eyes, something wary there instead that immediately made Buck's stomach start to churn anxiously. "It's, um, just hear me out?"
"I didn't say anything," Tommy pointed out with a little huff through his nose that was probably (maybe, hopefully) amused. He set his phone face down on the table and leaned back in his seat.
"No, I know, I just—" Buck shook his head. He needed to stay on topic. "Uh, anyways, I planned a trip for us," he said brightly, trying to salvage his own excitement that had been starting to fizzle out just a little. "We're close to a year together now, and I thought it'd be nice, y'know? I know you said you usually just work on Christmas and don't really do much to celebrate, and I've been really missing a more classic snowy Christmas, although this will be a bit more snow than Hershey would get—" Buck was rambling, he knew that. Could see the faint annoyed twitch at the corner of Tommy's lips. He barreled on. "Vermont. I booked us a trip to Vermont," he said quickly, giving Tommy a bright smile.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Buck echoed, shifting nervously in his booth seat in the busy restaurant they were at for brunch. It had been an impulsive thing to do, he had known that while booking everything. But was it really that impulsive if these were Christmas plans and it wasn't even Halloween yet? Why didn't Tommy seem excited at all? He just looked taken aback, almost startled. "What does that mean?"
"It doesn't mean anything, Evan, it's just… oh," Tommy said with a shrug, looking a little uncomfortable. This was not at all what Buck had been imagining. Red hot embarrassment crawled up his spine. He had done something wrong, clearly. He had just thought… Things had been going well, hadn't they? Sure, Buck was clearly a little much for Tommy sometimes, but he was working on it. This was one of those moments, wasn't it? Buck was being too much. Again. "I mean, it was a surprise, right? I'm just surprised."
Tommy's attempt at placating words wasn't doing much to actually soothe Buck. Buck cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away. "Right, yeah," he mumbled, feeling a mortified flush crawl up his neck. "Sorry, I shouldn't have—"
"No, it's sweet. It's just… a lot, you know? Just give me a second to catch up."
A lot. A lot a lot a lot. Too much too much too—
"Y-yeah, of course," Buck said, giving Tommy a smile that the other man didn't seem to realize was forced. "I just, I thought it'd be nice, y'know?"
"No, I know." Tommy reached out and grabbed Buck's hand where he was nervously tapping his fingers against the table. "It will be. Nice. Really nice." He ran his thumb over the back of Buck's hand. "It's sweet, Evan, seriously."
Some of the tension leaked from Buck's shoulders, though he could still feel heat in his cheeks. Discomfort still prickled at the back of his neck, because Tommy still didn't look excited and something about the way he was saying 'sweet' felt a little condescending, but. He hadn't said no. In fact, that almost sounded like he was agreeing, at least tentatively, to the Vermont trip. "Yeah?" Buck checked, something shy in his slightly more genuine smile.
"Yeah, of course." Buck's hand felt cold as Tommy suddenly pulled his away to flag their waiter for the check. "It'll be nice to break routine." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself, but Buck decided to take this as a win. This was probably the best he was going to get out of Tommy. He wasn't a very effusive man, which was fine. Buck liked the strong and silent type, it balanced him out. Did he sometimes wish there was a little more there, a little more to Tommy beyond what presented on the surface? Maybe. But that was mean, he couldn't think like that. Tommy loved him, said so (like it was habit, something he had to do rather than wanted to do, but whatever) often enough. And Buck was happy. Definitely. Things were stable and simple, and after the year he had, that was just what he needed.
-
The year still had a few more curveballs to throw, as Buck discovered a few weeks later on the evening of November 2nd.
He had just gotten home from a 24 hour and collapsed on his couch, completely worn out. It had been a long, long day, and he was looking forward to several hours of minimum movement. He was hungry, but luckily Tommy would be coming in a few hours with takeout, once he had gotten done his shift. Things had been a little weird lately, but Buck was doing his best to ignore it. He couldn't panic every time Tommy felt a little distant or started picking up more hours. That was irrational, obviously.
Buck started to doze off, some stupid TikTok looping as the hand holding his phone dropped into his lap and loosened its grip. He was in that pleasant half-asleep space, mind drifting toward some dream that involved the zoo and—
His phone clattered to the ground and startled him awake. His mind was still hazy with sleep, unsure how much time had passed or what exactly had woken him. A knock on the door only furthered his confusion—was Tommy here already? Buck stumbled to his feet as he called out, "Just a second!" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and picked his phone up to stop the incessant repetition of TikTok, then hurried over to the door. Without a second thought, he yanked it open. "Hey! I—"
Buck fell silent, because no one was there. He was staring right where his boyfriend's face should be, but the hallway appeared to be empty. A glance at the time showed that he really hadn't slept long at all, and Tommy was in fact still at work. But then who— Buck's mind went blank as his gaze caught on something beyond his phone, on the floor in front of his apartment door. His phone hit the ground again with a noise that definitely meant the screen had cracked, but he couldn't really get himself to focus on that too much, because…
There was a baby. In a car seat still clicked into its base, a backpack set down beside it. A real live human baby with coily dark blonde hair and wide brown eyes blinking up at Buck. Her pale tawny skin had a warm pink flush under it, darker at the tops of her chubby cheeks, making her look even more adorable. Because she was an adorable baby, Buck's mind could at least register that thought. Beyond that, he was struck dumb at the sight before him. They're in a silent staring contest for approximately thirty seconds before the pacifier fell from the baby's lips and dropped onto the pastel yellow blanket that was tucked over her. She started to fuss, and it was only that sound that brought Buck back to reality a little.
He swung his head back and forth to search the hallway, but it was otherwise empty. There was no evidence of another adult, the stairwell door firmly shut and the elevator at the end of the hall still and silent. Right, okay. There was a crying baby left at Buck's door and apparently abandoned there. Like, it didn't look like anyone was rushing back to get their kid. He should probably take her inside, right? The alternative was to continue to stand there while he waited for his brain to come back online and risk pissing his neighbors off with the crying. Inside was definitely the way to go.
Buck grabbed the backpack first, slinging it over his shoulder before grabbing the car seat by its attached base. It wasn't too heavy, considering he was a firefighter and had to sometimes carry fully grown adults, but it was bulky and awkward to carry in this way. But he managed to get back into his apartment and kick the door shut behind him. He placed the car seat on his table and glanced in at the still-crying little girl. Luckily, she settled with just a few sniffles once he grabbed the pacifier and pushed it back into her mouth. Buck gently brushed his thumb across her cheek to push away a tear, and she looked up with those glossy eyes, and yeah he was done for.
There was an envelope, he realized then. Tucked in between the baby's covered leg and the side of the car seat. It all seemed to click into place at once as Buck's brain started functioning properly again. A baby abandoned on his doorstep was no chance occurrence—a person wouldn't just choose a random apartment to leave their kid at. If they didn't care what happened to it, they would've dropped it at a hospital or a fire station. They had those Safe Haven boxes for a reason, after all.
Buck's hands were shaking as he read the letter that just confirmed what he knew. It was pretty straightforward and to the point—Natalia had never been one to beat around the bush. Apparently, she had found out she was pregnant way after they broke up. Roughly forty weeks in fact, because it had been a cryptic pregnancy. Buck had read an article on those in one of his research binges once, the mere concept was insane to him. Anyway, apparently Natalia tried the mom thing and 'didn't seem to be cut out for it'. But she figured maybe Buck would want to give the dad thing a try. Which. Yeah, of course. Buck loved kids, had known for a long time he wanted them eventually, but like this?
He looked up from rereading the letter to look at the baby—his baby, his daughter—to find her already looking at him. She looked curious, just watching him. According to Natalia's letter, she—Darcie, she'd been named Darcie—had been born in late December, so she was about ten months old. Once his attention was on her, Darcie started to squirm a little in her seat, apparently no longer happy with being buckled and tucked in the way she was. Buck set the letter down and pulled the blanket off of her, revealing her outfit of a pink and white striped onesie with gray sweatpants. Pink socks covered her kicking feet. Ignoring the thought of how adorable little baby sweatpants were, Buck quickly unbuckled her and picked her up.
Darcie spent all of seven seconds staring up at him from where he had set her on his hip before deciding she didn't like that either. "Okay, okay," Buck mumbled as she started wriggling in his hold. He crouched to seat her gently on the floor—when was the last time he'd mopped? Oh God the floor was probably dirty—and didn't move for a moment, just watching her turn her head from side to side to glance at her surroundings. She seemed to be a curious kid, which was typical for this age—when Jee-Yun was born, Buck's little research adventures had temporarily become focused on child development—so he shouldn't have been surprised when she promptly started to crawl away. "Um, excuse me," he huffed, though he was grinning a little as he stood and followed her.
Buck spent the next twenty minutes just letting the little girl explore his apartment, following closely behind her to make sure she didn't pull anything down on top of herself or otherwise get hurt somehow. He had missed this age with Jee, and Nash was a few months younger so he couldn't quite crawl yet. Darcie seemed to be a pro, though, crawling around with ease. She'd occasionally pop up into a seated position to check something out, like Buck's kitchen cabinets that he had to hold closed until she lost interest. He'd need to babyproof—
He followed Darcie into the living room as that thought hit him like a splash of cold water, a reminder that he wasn't just babysitting or something. This was fully his child, he was now solely responsible for her. Two hours ago, he hadn't known she existed, and now his entire life was altered forever. This wasn't something that could be processed quickly, or on his own probably, since Buck was a verbal processor. Luckily, Buck was surrounded by amazing friends who also happened to be great parents. He knew who he would tell first, though, as he scooped his cracked phone up from the floor by his front door before hurrying back over to Darcie. Maddie probably should've been first, considering she was his older sister and had practically raised him. She would definitely be his next call. But she was busy with her own family, she didn't need to be burdened with his problems. Besides, there was someone else Buck had been turning to in times of crisis for the last seven years.
"Hey, Buck," Eddie greeted after picking up on the second ring. "Thought you'd be napping right around now."
"I was," Buck admitted, the anxious ache in his chest already easing. Because sure, Buck knew he was good with kids, at least in an uncle capacity. That knowledge wasn't very comforting right now, though, as being an uncle was very different than being a dad. Parents had the capacity to fuck you up a lot worse. Buck would know. But something about Eddie's presence, even over the phone, seemed to settle some of that anxiety. Eddie always settled Buck. No, Buck would not be reading further into that, thank you very much. "But I got a… delivery, of sorts." He watched Darcie as she pulled herself up on his coffee table, a little unsteady on her feet but not falling.
"A delivery?" Eddie echoed. "Did I accidentally order something to your place again?" Because they shared a Prime account and Eddie sometimes sucked with technology. Buck huffed a laugh at the thought. Eddie was usually so capable with almost everything, so his little war with technology was kind of cute. No, not cute, don't— "Buck?"
"Uh, not exactly," Buck answered, feeling his cheeks flush lightly at his own thoughts. Such thoughts about Eddie weren't uncommon, especially lately, and no amount of suppression or focus on Tommy seemed to help. But it didn't matter. Buck could find Eddie attractive and still be in love with Tommy. Obviously. He was doing it, wasn't he? Focus. He cleared his throat and watched Darcie reach for the remote in the middle of the coffee table. She couldn't quite reach it. "Just… You busy?"
"No, we just finished dinner and Chris is pretending to do homework like I can't see his phone," Eddie said, letting out a laugh as something lightly clattered to the floor. Buck could easily picture Christopher throwing a pencil across the kitchen, where Eddie was probably leaned against the counter, taking a break from dishes to talk to Buck. Buck had only moved out about six weeks ago, into this one bedroom apartment that was a little further from the firehouse but a little closer to Tommy, but he missed living in the Diaz house. It had been nice once Eddie and Chris were back, even if the couch left his back aching sometimes. Wait. Why the hell hadn't Tommy just asked him to move in? They'd been together almost a year, he knew Buck was looking—Okay, no. Buck really needed to focus. He would not be beating the ADHD allegations anytime soon.
"Could you come over?" Buck couldn't explain this over the phone. Clearly, his mind was all over the place. Maybe even more than usual. Now that Tommy had popped into his thoughts, he couldn't help but start to wonder how all of this was going to go over with him. Darcie started to push up onto her toes in an attempt to reach the remote, and that was clearly not going to end well. Buck stepped over and scooped her up, her head tilting back to look up at him as he held her against his chest.
"Everything okay?"
Great question. "Yes? Or, it will be. This isn't necessarily a bad thing—" Darcie was looking up at him with something like frustration, and Buck quickly amended his statement. "Not a bad thing at all, actually. Really great. Just… crazy delivery." He wasn't sure how much she could actually comprehend of what he said, but he wouldn't want her to think she was unwanted.
"Right," Eddie said, slow and uncertain. "Chris, too?"
"Always." Because why not? In for a penny, in for a pound. The kid would find out soon anyway. Plus, Christopher always made Buck feel better too. Maybe it was something in the Diaz DNA. Darcie grumbled incoherently in Buck's hold, her pacifier plopping onto the ground as she spit it out. She did not look very pleased with him. "You're the one that spit it out," he muttered without thought, just a little petulant as he lifted his shoulder to hold his phone to his ear. His hand now free, he kept Darcie held tightly as he leaned down to pick up the pacifier before walking towards the kitchen to rinse it off.
"What?"
"Uh, you'll see when you get here. Drive safe!" Buck dropped the pacifier onto the counter to grab his phone and ended the call, cutting off Eddie's questioning tone. Darcie was starting to fuss, so Buck quickly rinsed the pacifier and gave it back to her before moving back over to his dining table.
He was still there when Eddie and Christopher walked in just under half an hour later. Darcie was back in her car seat because Buck didn't have anywhere else safe to set her as he went through the backpack, the contents of which were now spread across his table. There were the girl's important documents as Natalia had mentioned in her letter, her birth certificate and such. There was also a couple outfits, a little pair of shoes, a handful of diapers, a pack of wipes, two empty bottles, a can of formula, two little jars of baby food, a bib, and an extra pacifier. According to the letter, Natalia's lawyer would be in touch to handle the legality of her giving up parental rights and Buck taking over, and it would be that lawyer that would be giving him some more of Darcie's clothes and some of her toys.
Eddie stopped short just a few paces from the door, Christopher looking up from his phone when he noticed and then pausing to properly taking in the scene. "Is that a baby?" Eddie asked, looking completely puzzled as his brows pulled together. "Who—"
"Oh my God, you have a baby?" Christopher's eyes were wide as he made his way over to the table, dropping his phone down onto the surface carelessly as he peered into the car seat.
"Buck doesn't have—"
Buck and Chris interrupted Eddie at the same time.
"Just look at her, she's Buck's."
"I do, actually. She's mine."
It only took a beat for Eddie to process and accept that. "This is the delivery, huh?" Eddie asked, lips twisted into a slight grin as he walked closer. Buck gave him a sheepish smile.
"Felt like a lot to explain over the phone. Here." He grabbed the letter and passed it to Eddie so he could get up to speed. Christopher was busy leaning over the car seat, looking down at Darcie as she played with his hand, her little fists wrapped around his pointer and ring fingers. She pushed her paci out of her mouth to babble at him, and Buck just about melted at the smile that appeared on the fourteen year old's face. "She must like you. I've mostly just gotten stared at."
"You're funny looking, she just doesn't wanna laugh and hurt your feelings," Chris quipped without missing a beat, his smile taking on an amused edge though he didn't even look over. Buck scowled at him anyway.
"Texas made you mean," he sighed, shaking his head dejectedly.
"Please," Christopher scoffed. "I'm all L.A. A few months in El Paso couldn't change that."
"Yeah, he's just snarky because he's a teenager," Eddie added, putting the letter back on the table, apparently finished with it. His brows were still furrowed, like he was turning the letter over in his mind and carefully considering each word. He probably was, he tended to think things over more thoroughly than Buck.
"What's your excuse, then?" Buck teased, grin only widening as Eddie rolled his eyes.
Darcie started to fuss then, no longer content with Christopher as her entertainment. "So," Eddie started as Buck stood from his seat to pick his daughter up. "Darcie." He was clearly prompting Buck to speak, and Buck could hear Christopher's crutches against the floor as he went towards the living room, probably to sit on the couch to give them some sort of privacy.
"Right. Darcie," Buck sighed, frowning when she rejected the paci after a testing suck. "Well, you read the letter. Guess Natalia didn't think she could handle her, and thought I could?" He crouched to set Darcie on the floor, seeing if she wanted the freedom to crawl around again. She just stared at him as tears gathered in her eyes, her little sniffles threatening to turn into proper cries. "No warning, no chance to prepare, just… here's a baby!"
"Sounds like that was her experience too," Eddie pointed out diplomatically. "But she should've told you from the start."
Buck nodded, frowning as he straightened up again with Darcie held against his chest. He bounced her gently and rubbed her back, but she didn't seem to be calming. "Yeah, that would've been nice," he muttered. He was surprised to realize he was a little angry, now that he was actually thinking about it. Not just for his sake, those ten months he'd missed, but for Darcie. "Instead she just dropped Darcie off with someone she doesn't even know, and that's probably why she's crying!" She was fully crying now, her face pressed into Buck's shirt as she shook her head with some frustration that she couldn't communicate.
"Buck." Eddie's voice was even and just a little firm, soothing but not coddling. It didn't feel condescending, either, which Buck had for some reason been extra sensitive to lately. "I think she might be tired. It's 7:12."
Right. "Oh. Yeah," Buck mumbled, not sure how he hadn't considered that. "Natalia didn't even give me any information about her usual routine, routine is so important for kids this young—"
"You'll make your own routine," Eddie pointed out, sounding a lot more sure than Buck felt right about now, considering Darcie was still crying. It clearly wasn't even a question in Eddie's mind, if Darcie would be staying with Buck. He knew Buck too well for that. "I'm gonna make a bottle, okay? See if she needs to be changed."
Buck nodded, moving on autopilot to follow Eddie's instructions. He didn't think Eddie would ever fully understand how much Buck appreciated him, appreciated the way he could be steady when Buck needed him to. He balanced Buck out perfectly, and Buck liked to think he did the same for him. Or at least some pale imitation of it. He could never be as good to Eddie as Eddie was to him, because Eddie just had more good in him than most people. It was a fact of the universe. Buck would try, though. He always would try to be the kind of person that deserved a best friend like Eddie Diaz.
Darcie's diaper was in fact wet, so Buck changed her into a fresh one. He left her in just her onesie as he reached over for what seemed to be a set of footie pajamas. It was actually one of those baby wearable blankets—a sleepsack, he thought they were called—but that was even better. She seemed to settle a bit, her tears stopping as he zipped her into it. She took a shaky little breath as she looked up at him somewhat suspiciously. "Recognize that, huh? You know it's bedtime?" he hushed, gently pushing a curl back off her forehead. "Was our Eddie right? You're just sleepy?"
Darcie babbled quietly at him, almost mimicking his soft tone, and Buck's chest ached as he could pick out 'mama' being repeated a few times in the mess of syllables. Sure, it could've just been baby talk. But this was about the age that babies started actually making those associations, not to mention when separation anxiety could start. Buck had no idea what he would do if Darcie started crying and asking for her mother, whose letter had made it very clear she had no interest in being contacted. He'd die, probably. Just keel over and die. That felt like an appropriate response.
"Talkative girl, huh?" Eddie asked as he walked back over, Darcie babbling a little more insistently as her eyes locked onto the bottle he passed Buck. "Just further confirmation she's yours."
"Ha ha," Buck deadpanned, absentmindedly checking the temperature of the bottle against his wrist. It was fine, so he picked Darcie up and cradled her to his chest. She was still giving him an unsure look, until he gave her the bottle and she started to drink greedily. Buck looked at Eddie, met his gaze. "What the hell am I gonna do, Eds?" he whispered. "I don't know how to raise a kid."
"What do you think you've been helping me do the past few years?" Eddie asked, just as quiet but a little incredulous as he gestured towards the living room. Buck glanced over, found Christopher playing some game on his phone and very pointedly ignoring them to show he was minding his business. When Buck met Eddie's gaze again, the other man continued. "C'mon, Buck. You're a natural with kids. And I know you'll love and fight for her with everything you've got, just like you would for Chris."
"What if I fuck her up?" Buck insisted quietly. A quick peek down showed that Darcie was already starting to drift off against his chest, drinking much more slowly now. She must've been exhausted.
Eddie had a wry grin when Buck looked up again, a thread of mischief in his eyes that Buck knew never meant good things for him. "Well, her mom isn't here. If you don't fuck her up, who will?"
"Oh shut up," Buck grumbled, remembering the exact FaceTime call that Eddie was referencing, throwing his own joke in his face. But he was smiling just slightly now, calming despite himself. He could figure this out, couldn't he? And it wasn't like he'd be alone. They say it takes a village, and Buck was pretty sure he had the best village anyone could ask for. When he looked down at Darcie again, fully asleep and not even stirring as he gently pulled the bottle away, he knew he would. He had to. He loved her already, and giving up wouldn't be an option. "I should probably find somewhere for her to sleep," he whispered.
"Oh, really? I thought you were just going to stand here with her all night," Eddie whispered back sarcastically, looking at Buck with undeniable fondness in his gaze. Buck's chest felt warm, like his heart had been replaced by a ball of light.
"You're insufferable, y'know that?"
Buck heard a knock at the door and Eddie moved to answer it before Buck could even ask. Years of being partners meant they were in sync by now, both on and off shift. He set the bottle on the table and turned to look, wondering who it was, just as Tommy walked past Eddie with a bag of takeout and an annoyed look. Shit, right. "Hey, Diaz," he greeted, just a little flatly. Eddie just nodded with a smile that Buck could tell was forced. Oddly enough, the two had stopped hanging out a few months into Buck and Tommy dating. "Evan—"
Tommy froze as he saw Buck with a sleeping baby in his arms, standing next to his table covered in supplies for said baby. "Hey," Buck said, stomach suddenly churning anxiously. And Buck had thought revealing the Vermont trip was bad. Oh my God, the Vermont trip. He'd have to rearrange some stuff to include Darcie. Maybe she was still small enough that he wouldn't have to buy a whole other plane ticket for her, she could just sit on his lap. Buck could already picture her in an adorable little snowsuit. "We should probably talk."
-
"He broke up with you?" Maddie was half-disbelieving and half-furious with that familiar protective big sister rage.
It was the next morning, Buck over at Maddie and Chim's place for their previously planned brunch. The food had been all but forgotten when Chimney and Jee-Yun opened the door and the four year old let out an excited shriek of 'a baby!'. She seemed more interested in Darcie than the bag of donuts Buck had clutched in his free hand. Naturally, so were her parents, so the bag of donuts was left on the counter in favor of them settling in the living room, where Buck had just finished his story of the night before.
Darcie was sitting on the rug in front of where Buck sat on the couch, holding a wooden block in each hand as she watched Jee build a pyramid. Chimney was holding Nash in his lap where he sat next to Maddie on the loveseat, both of them having been watching Buck with rapt attention throughout his story.
"Yeah," Buck said lamely, looking down at his daughter. He was sad, and he didn't want to be. But he also recognized that he probably should've been a little more sad at the ending of a serious relationship. He probably just wasn't at that stage yet. Denial was usually first, wasn't it? And nothing about the past eighteen or so hours had felt very real. It was interesting that the breakup was what they were talking about, considering it was not the most shocking part of his story. It had been the ending, though, so whatever. That was probably why. "Not just 'cause of Darcie, though. Apparently this had been coming for a while?"
"What?" Maddie looked downright murderous, and Chimney's hand found hers on the couch, lacing their fingers together.
"Y-Yeah, I guess he said he didn't see a future with me. Like, he hadn't really been into it—into me, lately," Buck admitted, feeling the prickling heat of embarrassment crawl up his spine at having to admit that he wasn't enough. Or had maybe been too much. Tommy hadn't been very clear on what exactly was wrong with Buck that made Tommy fall out of love with him, but he had certainly given the impression that Buck himself was the issue.
Chimney laughed, like actually let out a cartoonish 'Ha!' that had both Buckley siblings looking at him. "I knew Kinard was stupid, but I didn't know he was that stupid."
"Mean word!" Jee piped up from her spot on the floor, shooting her father a look. "We don't say stupid, Daddy."
"Sometimes people deserve mean words," Chimney said sagely, like he was delivering an important life lesson. Maddie smacked his thigh with their intertwined hands.
"Chim!"
"Why'd you call Tommy stupid?" Buck inquired, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs as he tried to keep them on track.
"He didn't seem to realize he was punching up."
"Way up," Maddie agreed with a nod.
"Huh?" Buck's head tilted just slightly as he frowned, a little confused. Tommy was an attractive man, after all.
"Tommy was lame," Maddie all but groaned, making Chimney laugh. He quickly (and unsuccessfully) tried to play it off as a cough before he apparently decided he didn't actually care about the half-hearted glare Buck was giving him.
"Kind of the worst, actually. Weren't you bored?"
"I don't think he had more than two personality traits, and one of them was 'helicopter pilot'." Maddie giggled at her own words this time, sharing a look with Chimney. Buck was still just staring at them, gobsmacked.
"Oh, Hen is gonna love that one," Chimney said with a grin, shifting Nash so the baby was resting more comfortably against his chest.
"Eddie said the funniest thing the other day—"
"Eddie?!" Buck's voice absolutely did not squeak, but this was where he drew the line. Had no one liked his boyfriend? Also, since when did Eddie and Maddie talk like that? He did not need the two of them in cahoots. "Did all of you hate him?"
"Hate implies we cared more than we did," Chim answered with a shrug of a shoulder.
"Yeah, he was more like a gnat buzzing in your ear," Maddie tried to explain, and what the fuck? Buck spent just about a year of his life with this man that apparently none of his loved ones liked. How was he only just finding out now? "Actually, there were a few moments I hated him, now that I think about it."
"I think Eddie hates him, actually," Chimney murmured thoughtfully.
"Right," Buck mumbled, feeling a little dazed and confused. He didn't even process what Chimney said, still too focused on everything that had been said before that. "But—Okay, wait. Eddie said something about Tommy? They were friends first!"
"They were friends for like a month." Maddie waved a hand dismissively. "Point is, Evan, you can do so much better." She was the only one that he didn't mind using his first name, even Tommy using it had bothered him a little. She was his sister, after all, and she hardly used it anyway. The only times she didn't call him 'Buck' were times when she or the moment was serious. Buck secretly thought in those moments that she was thinking of him as Evan, her little brother that she raised, instead of Buck, the man he'd made himself into. He found he didn't mind, though. It felt caring, not condescending.
"It was not just a month—"
"I can't hear this again," Maddie sighed under her breath, dropping her husband's hand as she stood. "Not on an empty stomach."
"Maddie." Buck knew he sounded childish, the way his voice was verging on a petulant whine. He even heard Jee giggle from the carpet, apparently amused at an adult sounding younger than her. "Why didn't anyone tell me they didn't like Tommy?"
Chimney answered as Maddie paused behind the loveseat on her way to the kitchen. "We thought you were happy! Even if none of us could understand how."
Buck looked down at Darcie, now gnawing on the corner of one of the blocks, so that he could avoid Maddie's knowing look. She hadn't thought Buck was happy, at least not the whole time. But she also knew Buck needed to figure things out for himself, and even though he appreciated that, he sometimes wished she'd just figure everything out for him. Like she had when they were kids and she seemed to have all the answers. She did still seem to have all the answers, but now Buck didn't want to hear half of them. Or, well, maybe not half. Just the ones pertaining to a specific topic—or person, rather.
He cleared his throat, quickly changing the subject out of some tiny irrational fear that Maddie would somehow hear his thoughts and get right into that situation. "Anyway, let's forget about my failed relationship. What's another one on the pile? Here's something new, I have a kid," Buck reminded them, gesturing down at Darcie and waving his hands for emphasis. With a tentative glance up, Buck found that both Maddie and Chimney were looking down at Darcie as she crawled towards Jee's pyramid. Buck was quick to scoop her up before she could knock it down.
"She's adorable," Maddie cooed. "Coffee?"
"Please," Buck sighed, settling Darcie in his lap. "And one of the donuts I brought."
"Kind of surprised it took this long for this to happen," Chim remarked as Maddie left for the kitchen, and Buck did not like the slight smirk his mouth curved into. "I mean, I think we all expected something like this to come from your Buck 1.0 days—"
"Do we always have to come back to this?" Buck groaned, leaning his head against the back of the couch and squeezing his eyes shut. "It's been like a decade, will I ever live those days down?"
"You stole the engine. Twice," Chimney deadpanned. "So no."
"Borrowed—"
"Uncle Buck stole?" Jee-Yun asked with a gasp, and when Buck lifted his head, he saw her eyes wide in surprise. Buck lifted Darcie from his lap and turned her to face him as Chimney cackled. Her little socked feet pressed into Buck's thighs, and he leaned his forehead against hers.
"You sure you wanna be part of this family, sweetheart?" Buck whispered. "We could still run away, leave them all behind."
Darcie just smiled. Then sneezed right in his face.
-
"I just really wanted a proper snowy Christmas," Buck complained. He was sprawled upside down on the couch in the loft of the firehouse, his feet hanging over the back and his curls nearly touching the floor. It was his first shift back after taking a few days to get some of the Darcie stuff settled. This upside down thing wasn't a great position to be in, but he knew the moment he got up he'd cross the room to grab his phone and start checking it obsessively again for any texts from Carla. He had needed a distraction, which was how a conversation that was mostly just him complaining about Tommy started—y'know, Buck doing his verbal processing with a semi-captive audience. But that had just brought him around to the Vermont trip that he still needed to cancel.
"Just go with your kid, it's your first Christmas as a dad," Ravi suggested.
"And her first Christmas ever," Hen added.
"Which is exactly why we can't spend it alone in some cabin in Vermont!" Okay, the blood was really starting to rush to Buck's head now. He groaned and sat up, swinging his legs off the back of the couch and sitting like a normal person. Ugh, he felt dizzy. "I mean, part of what I love most about Christmas is you guys. I wish I could just—" Buck held his hands up in demonstration and then brought them together, interlocking his fingers before settling his hands in his lap. "Combine them."
Bobby and Eddie exchanged a look that Buck caught because their captain was not at all subtle. But Buck had no clue what that look could possibly mean. 118 indoor ski slope family outing? A fake snow machine to give the illusion of a white Christmas? Nah, that one would be more of a Christopher or maybe Chimney scheme. The bell went off before Buck could even consider an interrogation.
In the chaos of the call that followed, he promptly forgot all about that odd little look. If it was important, he'd find out eventually anyway.
-
A week before he was set to go to Vermont, Buck did in fact find out.
He woke up to the giant groupchat—composed of the 118, their spouses, and the kids old enough to have phones—going crazy with a random flurry of pictures, all sent by different people. A winter coat here, a sled there, snow boots and gloves and scarves and plane tickets—Wait. Plane tickets?
Then, a text with actual words.
Christopher: cancel ur air bnb buck. we found something better.