Chapter Text
Sam’s POV
They rushed to the impala. Dean got in the driver's seat as his father got in the passenger seat, and Sam into the back seat. He was not happy that his father was glaring at him for the fact he did not shoot him. Yes, it had been the demon that killed their mother, but he couldn't or wouldn't kill his father for vengeance. That was more something his father or even his brother would do, but when it came down to it, he wasn’t able to pull the trigger. Not while looking him in the eye; not even knowing there was a demon in him. That didn't change the fact they were family, that John Winchester was his father even if they didn't get along. That if he pulled the trigger, it wouldn't be just the demon he killed, and that wasn't something he could live with.
“So what if I couldn't shoot you? Am I supposed to apologize for the fact that I do not want to see my father dead? That I don't want to be the one to put him in a grave?” he snapped as they continued down the road, “it was shit like this that made me go to Stanford, I hate that it is your way or the highway, you don't try to consider us anything but your obedient soldiers, why is it you refuse to see that? Why for the love of god can you not see us as your children?”
His father sighed and shook his head, “you should have pulled the trigger, it may have been the only chance we got at this. Do you know how hard it is to find that yellow eyed bastard?”
“NO! No I don't, because you haven't trusted us with it before now,” he stated with anger. He was tired of them being left in the dark or worse left behind. After all, that is what started all of this. It put them in danger and his father was to stubborn to see that or perhaps he was just blind.
“You just proved me right, you hesitated. I thought I raised you better than that boy.”
Sam shook his head in frustration, it was like talking to a brick wall, nothing was accomplished when they spoke. “I—” his voice froze as he saw the flash of headlights, then everything spun, a pain in his temple and everything went black.
Was that a helicopter? He wondered before something tugged him deeper down into the abyss. It was warm, he felt safe almost.
_______________________________________
I’m in a room? Where am I? What happened? The crash!!!! Where are they? Are they alright? He wondered as he rushed down the stairs, not even pausing to wonder why it was he had been standing and not in a hospital bed himself. As he moved down the step, he saw no one. That is strange, where is everyone? His eyes landed on a nurse's desk, he ran up, “Where is my family? We were in a wreck, the Impala.”
He frowned as she did not react to what had been said. Sam waved his hand in front of her and when that did not work he tapped her shoulder only for his hand to go right through her. He froze as it sank in. The realization that he was a spirit, that wasn’t good. He ran around looking for Dean and his father, only to find himself. It was strange staring at your own body, stranger yet to see a machine breathing for you.
Sam stopped running and just stared for a moment, he heard the door and saw Dean walk in with coon eyes and a split lip, otherwise he looked to be fine. A sense of calmness washed over him as he knew that Dean was alright, now I just need to find my father and see how he is, ohh and possibly find a way back into my own body. Preferably, before someone came to collect my soul.
The doctor came in as he walked out. He did not want to hear what the man had to say, if there was a way to save him they would find it, probably some voodoo priest down from the bayou or something. He walked down the hall and the lights started to flicker, he wondered if perhaps the hospital was haunted or something, perhaps that was why he was a spirit here now and outside his body. It was possible that there was a hunt for them here, he snorted that even near death he did not seem to get the peace that others got.
Once a hunter, always a hunter. That was something that he did believe in. He never should have left, it was due to that action that Jess had died, if she had never met him she would not be six feet under right now. He might have been, but it would not have been her, or at least if she was it would not have had something to do with him, it wouldn't be because of a yellow eyed demon. The one who had killed his mother. He was wondering why the demon seemed to be so obsessed with him and the other children. Why it chose to kill the mothers of six-month-olds every so often, why they were all gifted in some way or another.
He walked into a room they were operating in and saw a creature in the air, one he recognized. A reaper, son of a bitch, he turned and ran hoping it would not see him. Or if it did that it would stay focused on the soul it was collecting then, an older woman.
This was so not good. He would not be able to fend it off for long if it came for him. He needed the journal, to see the entry on reapers again, but he was fairly certain that they could alter the mind and what someone saw, there was also something about you having to go with them voluntarily, which was not something he planned to do.
They needed him or at least he wanted to think that they did. Although, there was a part of him that knew they were better off without him. Wandering down the hall he finally found his father who was just waking up it would seem, he was asking about Dean, a small smile came to his face as his father asked about him too.
Perhaps dad did care after all? A small seed of hope embedded itself, perhaps things were not so bad between them. Perhaps it was just the fact they were both headstrong and did not like to back down, he just wished that his father would show his emotions sometimes, not just the anger and the pain that they were used to seeing.
He could not understand why his father was so obsessed with the demon that he ignored everything else. Why they had moved from motel to motel as kids, why he hadn’t once put a stop to hunting for them. It hurt more than he wanted to admit, it felt like he did not care about them, but perhaps he did. He had asked about them after all, instead of getting up to go hunt the demon down or something.
Perhaps things between them could change, for the first time in years, he actually felt a spark of hope and it scared him because hope always got him hurt in the past. Hope was a cruel thing really.
Leaving the room he went back to where he had left Dean to see a dark haired woman who was dressed in white. She seemed scared, and he knew without a doubt that it was a reaper, as she did not react to her hand going through things, not correctly anyway.
She approached him in the hall, near the doorway. He debated just turning around and walking off, but he gave her a chance to play her cards. He could always adjust to the situation as needed.
“You can see me, can’t you?” she asked. “No one else here can.”
Good for them, he snorted mentally. Debating if he should try to let her play her game or if he should just say something now as he knew that he would slip up at some point. He settled on seeing how truthful she wanted to be. “That's because they are not knocking on death's door and refusing to cross isn’t it?”
“You know?” she asked in a surprised tone.
“Unlike my brother, I have that journal memorized damn near it,” he admitted just above a whisper as it felt like a heavy confession to make. Especially when she would know why it was or could take a guess at it. After all, it wasn't too hard to guess that it was because he was scared, not that he would admit it.
At times even now he questioned if this was really the life for him. Hunting gave him a thrill that he did not want to like, it scared him as sometimes it made him feel like he was worse than the things that they hunted.
“You are not scared of me? Then why did you run?”
He sighed, “I ran because I did not want to die, but I realized, you can't take me unless I allow you to do so.”
“Sam, it's your time, you're only fighting against the inevitable. No one is going to save you, not this time,” Tessa said softly, “You know this, so why are you fighting? Do you want to become a vengeful spirit?”
Sam looked at the reaper, who was walking closer, and he held his ground as she couldn't take a soul, unless the soul allowed her to. For a moment he thought he saw wings flutter behind her, but that was impossible, just a figment of his imagination. It wasn’t like when he had seen her true form earlier. He did not want to become a vengeful spirit, but he wasn't ready to give up yet.
“I can't leave them, they are the only family I have left,” he replied after a long moment of silence had passed between them. His eyes went to the floor as the lights started to flash once more. Closing his eyes, he focused on his brother and appeared near him, although he was still just a spirit outside his body.
He rested a hand on Dean's shoulder. “I know that I should go, but I did that once, I don't want to do it again.”
His brother jumped, looking around before going back to the conversation with their father. He frowned as he did not remember his father walking in, but it was possible it happened when he had been talking to the reaper outside the door. He paled as the words began to filter in.
“We can't save him, it's best he goes now. You know as well as I do that boy ain't right, not since that day in the nursery. We can't save him, perhaps this was the way it was always supposed to be. We need to let him go, Dean.”
What did they mean by ever since the nursery? The demon that killed their mother? I had nothing to do with that. How could I have? I had only been a few months old at the time. Why were they bringing it up now? What was going on? Pain slammed into him as he realized that perhaps he had been mistaken, perhaps he had been right when he had left to go to Stanford. His father didn’t care about him, why would he when he had the perfect obedient son in Dean?
Disgusted with himself for even thinking for a moment that he could care, that it wasn't just an act. This cut him to his core deeper than he could ever say. His ears began to ring as Tessa drew closer to him once again.
She said, “I'm sorry Sam, I was trying to shield you from this. To let you have one more hunt before going onto the light, you hunters always seem fond of that. But now I see I used the wrong approach.” She sighed, “They love you, but they can not trust you, and it wasn't anything you did. It was simply the cards you were dealt. Come with me, and you can see your friends again, the ones you have lost to time. You will feel no more hurt, no more pain, you could be at peace.”
“I—” he froze as the reaper's eyes went a familiar yellow. Everything went black.