Archive of Our Own

“Yet in reverse you are all my symmetry 

A parallel I would lay my life on

So if your wings won’t find you heaven

I will bring it down like an ancient bygone.”

Euclid by Sleep Token

3 November 1998

Harry,

We buried you today. I know you were in pain, I know you wanted to be with your family and our friends, but Merlin how I resent you for leaving me. Sometimes, late at night, I hate you.  I don’t understand how you could abandon me, not after everything. I want to go, to be with you again. It would be so easy to let go. I can’t though, I can’t leave Luna. It’s just me and her now and she told me that it isn’t ‘time to go’ yet.  Who am I to disagree? Everyone called her Looney but I think she’s always been more brilliant than she ever got credit for. I trust her.

We won, but this doesn’t feel like winning. How could it? We lost everything. The ‘greater good’ feels like bullshit now. 

I want there to be a way to change things, to try again. I want a way to give you all the things you lost, that you deserved. Because you never deserved the life you were given. You deserved endless, unconditional love. Maybe I can find a way to give it to you. I'll try. There isn't much left for me here. 

- H

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31 July 1999

Harry, 

Happy 19th birthday, little brother. Lu and I sat at your grave in Godric’s Hollow, mostly in silence. There wasn’t much to say. 

I found a way to fix everything but it means I need to let you in on some secrets and apologize for keeping them. 

Alastor Moody taught me everything that kept us alive and nobody knew. We couldn’t risk Dumbledore finding out and you, my darling little brother, were pants at Occlumency. After the Department of Mysteries, I knew I needed help. He was the only one who offered. 

He got my parents to safety, to Australia. It happened the summer after fifth year, not sixth. He explained everything and got them out of the country so fast. It was the perfect plan, they were safe; at least, safe until Dolohov found them. We didn't know that at the time, though. 

I stayed with Alastor that summer. I learned occlumency, healing, wards, and had so much dueling practice. He helped me become an animagus too, so that I could teach you and Ron. A stag, an eagle and a lynx, a proper wildcat. Fitting, for us.

It was the most intense summer but we were family by the end. I stayed at Moody Cottage every break of sixth year and until we took you from the Dursleys. 

Then I lost him. I think it was my first real loss, and I had to keep it all inside. 

I'm sorry I never told you, before it was too late. It kept you alive though, so I don't regret doing it. I didn't know I'd still lose you in the end. 

Let me give you another secret: Alastor did not agree with Dumbledore, not after fourth year and certainly not after the Department of Mysteries. He was quite cross with Dumbledore for that, and even more so when he learned that the Order didn’t offer any way to keep my parents safe. The ‘greater good’ was never supposed to be placed on the shoulders of children. 

Alastor left me a backup plan, a time turner and a note at the very bottom of my bag. I shouldn't be surprised it was there; he made the bag. I don't know where he got the time turner or if it will work. I have to try, don't I? I showed Luna and she told me I can do it, that I need to do it. We both know Luna has never been wrong, not really. 

I’m almost ready. I need a bit more time to plan. Hell, I need more time with Luna. 

Love 

- H

H- 

If Albus’ “greater good” prevails but the cost is too high, you’ll know where to find me. Two turns, my girl. We’ll try again. 

- A

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3 November 1999

Harry, 

Everything is ready, I'm ready. 

I have a permanent glamour and a name, courtesy of Luna.

I look so different, Harry. Blue-green hazel eyes and straight, chocolate brown hair. She took away the freckles, they’ve always been too distinctive. She left the gold flecks around my pupils but didn’t explain why. I’ll easily blend in and never be connected to Hermione Jean Granger, thanks to Luna.

Aliana Elizabeth Moody is the name Luna chose. It was delivered in the dreamy tone she uses when she’s far away in her mind. I’ll save her mum, too. 

I’ll save everyone. Alastor, your parents, the Longbottoms, the Lupins, the Prewetts, the Weasleys, Sirius, Regulus, Severus, Ron and you. I’ll save you, Harry. 

You won’t need me if you have them; I've made peace with that. 

I’m going to find Alastor and we’re going to make it right. If my research is correct, there’s a good chance his wards will recognize me. That should help him trust me, despite his legendary paranoia. Hopefully. 

This time, the only cost will be me and, well, I can afford that. I’ll pay that price. That’s a weight I can carry.

I’ll be enough for you this time, little brother. I promise. 

- H